> Bat-Faunus in Equestria: Agent of chaos! > by Azelze The Mephistocorn > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > I just can't catch a break can I? (Neo version!) > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ‘Well this is just fuck-tastic!’ I thought as I jumped out of the way of a beowolf claw that probably would've killed me. Behind it was two of its friends, lying lifeless with bullet holes in their heads which would be great it hadn't left me without any ammo to deal with the big boss. ‘Dammit Weiss, this is all your fault!’ I thought as I basically bitch slapped the thing with one of my three-barrel shotguns. it roared in anger before slamming its huge claw into me, slamming me against a tree. I screamed in pain, feeling one of the bones in my right wing snap like a twig. ‘Great, now I can't even fly outta here. This just keeps getting better and better doesn't it?’ I sat there with my hands on my head, waiting for the world to stop spinning. Or was that just me? After a few blinks and a quick shake of the head, I suddenly became very aware of the pissed off beowolf charging right at me. I screeched (yes, we do that. Cat-faunus hiss, wolf-faunus howl and bat-faunus screech. We're weird like that) and jumped out of the way as the enraged beast tackled the tree like it was its best friend. Thinking this was a good time to escape as any, I scrambled to my feet and high tailed it outta there. Unfortunately the twitch of one of my large ears, combined with the loud thuds behind me, were quick to remind me that the beowolf wasn't quite done with me just yet. “Duck.” ‘Huh?’ “I said duck!” Deciding to question my sanity when I wasn't about to be Grimm chow, I froze, nearly tripping in the process, and ducked just in time for the massive beowolf to jump over and slam into a tree, knocking it like it was its best fri- oh wait, I already used that one did I? “Yes you did, now run batboy run!” Screeching in fear at the sight of the beowolf getting to its feet, I happily followed the voices instructions. After all, breathing first, therapy later. A loud roar and louder thuds alerted me to the fact that the beowolf was chasing me, causing my legs to go into overdrive. I tried to unfold my wing but the pain in my right wing was quick to dismiss that plan. “Man you REALLY pissed this fella off did ya? Make a left here.” ‘Well excuse me if my desire to keep all of my internal organs intact is so offending to-WAIT! Where are we going?! More importantly, why am I hearing voices?!’ “As my old pal Celestial would say, ‘All good things come to those who wait.’ Cheesy isn't it? Oh look, here's our stop. Good luck kid.” “Huh?!” I exclaimed as I came upon a cliff. A freaking cliff! Screw you disembodied voice! I looked over the edge of the cliff and immediately regretted it. Now, as a bat-faunus, heights are one of the last that scare me, but even I had to admit that that was a hell of a long way down! I was about to turn back when a loud growl reminded me that I had bigger problems to worry about. ‘Well this is just a perfect ending to a perfect story isn't it? First, I get ambushed by a pair of beowolfs, then, after killing those two, an even bigger one shows up to finish the job! Oh, let's not forget, I'm out of ammo, low on aura, unable to fly or even use my semblance and now forced to choose between falling to my death and being ripped apart piece by piece! Am I missing anything? Oh yeah, my girlfriend cheated on me which caused all of this to happen in the first place! Well Weiss, I hope you and Neptune are VERY happy together!’ I gulped as the beast stalked towards me, daring me to even try to escape this time. I switched stares between the cliff and the beast, weighing my option. Both sucked. “Jump.” ‘What?!’ "Just do it kid, trust me on this.” 'Why should I?’ “Have I ever steered you wrong before?” ‘You steered me to this cliff!!!’ “Hmm, touché. How about this, you're gonna die either way so which would you rather prefer: being a splatter on the floor or Tiny over there?” I screeched in fright as the beowolf growled at me, exposing its large, sharp teeth. I looked down at the cliff then back at the grimm, sighing as I finally came to a decision. Turning to the beast, I gave it a quick soldier's salute before leaning back, falling just in time to avoid being pounced on. As I feel through the air, my life suddenly began to flash before my eyes. As I watched the documentary of my life up until this point, one thing became very clear to me. My life sucked. Oh wait, two things. I seriously need to cut back on the cake. Let's start off from the beginning. I have little to no friends, my own teammates tended to avoid me, the closest thing I had to a mother figure was a freaking teacher and my first girlfriend thought I wasn't good enough. Oh, and let's not forget that I'm about to die. Yep, I am living the dream. Or, uh, dying the dream I guess. ‘Well, at least things can't possibly get any wor-’ A loud squawk snapped me out of my thoughts. I turned my head to the source of the noise and immediately felt my stomach fill with dread. There, flying straight towards me, was the largest Nevermore I had ever seen. Ever. “Oh you've got to be kidding me…” I muttered. It didn't take long of the bird-like Grimm to reach me, for something so huge, it was pretty damn fast. I screeched in terror, bracing myself as it opened its large beak, getting ready to swallow me whole...and not in a fun way. Just as it was about to shut its beak with me in it, a bright light flashed, scaring the nevermore enough to make it hesitate and then….everything went black. I groaned, opening my eyes to the sight of….nothing. No seriously, there was nothing all around me. Just an endless void that I was apparently floating around in. ‘Where am I? How did I get here? Where IS here?’ I thought, looking around for some sort of clue to help me identity… Whatever this was ‘Did I...die?’ “Now my boy, where would be the fun in that?” That voice. I knew that voice. It was the one that got me killed in the first place! “Just great,” I groaned. “First I die and now I'm forced to spend the rest of my afterlife with my killer. I just can't catch a break can I?” “That's the spirit!” The voice laughed. “Seriously though, you're really not dead. I made sure of that.” “Well of the voice in my head say that I'm alive then it must be true,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Who says I'm in you're head?” “You did…. Just now,” I quipped. “Technically correct, the best kind of correct! Just gimme a sec.” I raised an eyebrow as I listened to the sounds of….shuffling? Yep, that was definitely shuffling. Oh wait, there was also a thud followed by a few curses...I think. What the hell does ‘buck’ mean? “Ah, here it is!” There was a ‘click’ sound followed by a buff of smoke. I coughed and waved my arms as I waited for the smoke to disperse and when it did...well...I wasn't sure what I looking really. There was only one way to describe the creature before me. “Jesus you're an ugly jigsaw puzzle.” I said, raising an eyebrow at the...thing before me. “Wow, I haven't heard THAT one before.” Said the mismatched creature, rolling its eyes. “Honestly Myotis, I thought you'd be a little more, oh I don't know, grateful to the god that saved your life. How disappointing.” “YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOT ME KILL- wait, how do you know my name?” I asked. “Oh I know a little more than that kiddo.” He snapped his finger, causing a file with a picture of me on it to suddenly appear in his...talon? “Let's see here…” He said as read through the file. “Name: Myotis Neo, really cliche by the way- “Fuck you!” "Species: bat-faunus, whatever that means, age: nineteen, semblance: shadow manipulation. Oh and you also have the most depressing love life in both our worlds, especially around this ‘Weiss’ girl.” “Y-you know about that?” I gulped, staring at the creature with wide eyes. “Oh and so much more!” He said, a creepy smirk growing on his face. I gulped again and began to back away from the creature. Not sure where i was trying to go but hey, it's the thought that counts right? "W-What do you want?" “Well for one thing,” he suddenly appeared behind me, causing me to screech in fright. “I want to introduce myself. The name's Discord kid. Master of mischief and merriment!” “Mischief? Isn't that Loki’s job? Or was it Ares?” I muttered, temporarily forgetting about what's-his-name. “Girl please,” He exclaimed, suddenly appearing in front of me in a cheerleader outfit. ‘My eyes!” “Those two wish they could hold a candle to allah dis!” “Change back! Change back!” I yelled, covering my eyes. “Just...tell me what you want before I see you in a bikini- DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!” I yelled as he raised his fingers. “Oh fine,” He groaned, suddenly appearing on my shoulder. “You see kid, I'm here to offer you a deal you can't refuse.” “Of course I can't refuse; I'm dead!” I yelled. “Oh for the love of...you're not dead. You're just being transported.” “Transport?” I asked. “Transported where exactly?” “Trust me you'll know when you get there,” He snickered. “Anyway, I need you to do me a favor.” “And that would be…?” “You see kid,” He snapped his fingers and I suddenly found myself sitting in a desk in front of blackboard. In front of it was Discord, holding a pointer. “ I come from a world where everything is incredibly…well, boring. Everything is just so..ugh, normal. But that's where I come in!” He pointed at a crudely down drawing of himself. “It's my job to make thing fun and chaotic! Sweet gig huh?” “I'm afraid I still don't follow. Why do you ne-” “Please save all questions until after the lesson,” He interrupted. “You see, due to a little incident recently involving six mares- “Mares?” “I am unable to perfume my duties,” He said before pointing to another drawing, this one of me. “Me?" I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side. “Yes, you,” He said, shoving the pointer in my face. “I need you to fill in for me.” …..what? “So..you want me...to do your job for you?” “More or less,” He shrugged. “I just can't stand the thought of me being gone without at least leaving a parting gift. And what better way to make life more interesting than bringing an alien into town? Ooh, I'm getting giddy just thinking about it.” “Okay….” I said, more than alittoe creeper out by the expression on his face. “Say I do accept this deal of yours, what do I get out of this?” He raised an eyebrow at me, as if I had just asked him the dumbest question in the entire universe. “You mean that's not obvious?” “Not really.” “Hmm,” He rubbed his chin in thought before snapping his fingers again. Suddenly, the classroom setting was gone. “Alright, I'll send you back home.” “Huh?” I asked. “Seriously? Just like that?” “Sure! After all, who am I to keep you away from your loved ones?” “...huh?” “I mean, your teammates be worried si- oh wait, they didn't like you very much did they? Hmm, well I bet the teachers- oh wait, nope. Well I'm sure your lover must- oh wait, that didn't end very well did it? Oh well, I bet-” “ALRIGHT READY!!!” I yelled, actually scaring him a little. “You made your point. Just tell me what to do.” I growled. “Excelent! You'll start right away!” “Wait, wha- “Oh and don't worry about you weapons and semblance, they should work just fine. Ta ta~.” “W-W-Wait, how am I supposed to-” I was cutnoff byna bright red light and then...everything went black....again. “-Know what to do?!” He yelled, bolting into a sitting position. He Sat there, blinking in confusion before finally realising what had happened. “Son of bitch!” Growling in frustration, he got up and stretched his muscles, sighing in satisfaction at the feeling of joint popping in his...wings? ‘Wait a minute…’ He looked at his right wings was utterly surprised to seen that it was...completely fine. He flapped it a little, expect to feel tremendous pain shoot down his wing, but was shocked to find that he didn't feel anything at all. It was as if he had never gotten injured in the first place. ‘Is this Discord’s doing?’ He thought. ‘What else did he do to me?’ Looking himself over, he noticed that his clothes were fixed and that his weapons were in their holsters at his sides. Taking out his weapons, a pair of three-barreled shotguns that he had lovingly named ‘Ebony and Crimson’, he gave them a quick check up. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until he checked the cylinders, where he was surprised to see that both were fully loaded ‘Well, looks like some good came outta this after all,’ As he took a look around to check his location. Black, creepy looking trees stood all around him and almost no sunlight whatsoever broke through the trees. He perked his ears to check for any life but even with his super sensitive bat ears, no sounds were heard. “Where the hell am I anyway, hell?” He asked himself. “Well, I suppose standing here isn't gonna help. Might as well-” His right ear suddenly twitched, alerting to the sound of a twig snapping not too far behind him. Turning around, he quickly unfolded his wings, preparing to make a hasty retreat if necessary. “Who's there?” He called out. “I know you're back there so you might as well come out.” He waited for a response, his ears perked and his weapons held tightly in his grasp. He stood still for about a minute or so before sighing and folding his wings back. “Huh, I guess it was nothing. My ears must be a little rusty or-” “Grrr…” His ears perked and his eyes widened. He quickly turned to his left to see a wolf walking out of the bushes….or at least he thought it was a wolf. 'What the fuck?’ He thought, staring at the...thing with an expression of fear and confusion. It looked like some kind of hound but it was made out of twigs and logs. Its eyes glowed a sickly green that reminded him of every horror movie he ever saw. ‘Geez, and here I thought the Grimm were ugly.’ “Easy boy, I don't want any trouble,” He said, backing up as the stick-wolf stalked towards him. “Don't ya got some balls to lick? Go, go lick your balls...or are they berries?” The beast growled before pouncing, baring its wooden teeth, ready to rip the bat-faunus apart- BANG!! Only to have its head turned into splinters. “Ha! Not so tough now are ya?!” He yelled, blowing the smoke of his gun. “You think you're all that cause you're made of wood? Well show me a picture of Yang in a bikini and you'll see the power of my wood! Ha!” He cheered, wiping off the green sap-like blood that had managed to land on him. His miny celebration was cut short by the sound of more growling. Gulping, he slowly turned around and came face to face with a whole group of wooden wolves and none of them looked too happy. ‘And a break cannot be caught.’ “Uhh...Hi fellas. Now, I know this may look bad but it's not you think….his face ran into my bullets!” The wooden wolves growled before pouncing, causing him to screech in fright. He rolled to the side, quickly pulling out Ebony and blasting the wolf’s head off. His left ear twitched, causing him to aim Crimson to his left and pull the trigger. A yelp was heard, followed by the sound of twigs breaking. He noticed another wolf try to jump at him and quickly spun on his heel, using the momentum hit the wolf in the face with Ebony. Quickly aiming Crimson, he shot it in the chest before it could get up,causing green sap to fly everywhere. He then quickly unfolded his wings and took to the air, being careful to avoid the trees. A pair of them tried to jump at him only for both of them to be shot down at once, causing him to snicker. “Glynda, you were a hardass but also one hell of a teacher-AAAHH!!!” He yelled, feeling one of the wolves bite his leg, pulling him to ground. He felt the air leave his lungs as he slammed into the ground. One of the pounced on him while the kept its grip on his leg, its wooden teeth nearly reaching the bone. ‘Well, this is it,’ he thought as the wolf on top of him opened its maw, getting ready to bite down on his neck. ‘I can't believe this. I escaped one death, only to meet another! Oh well, I lived a good life right? Wait, no I didnt! Son of a- wait, a minute!’ A thought suddenly occurred to him, causing him to mentally facepalm at his own stupidity. Activating his semblance, he sank into his shadow just in time to avoid getting his neck chomped on while freeing his leg at the same time. The wolves looked around, sniffing the air and whimpering in confusion, when a ‘click’ sound suddenly reached their ears. They turned around, only to find the three barrels in their faces and a smirking bat-faunus. “Alright boys, time to play dead.” BANG!!BANG!! “Good dog...wood..things.” He said, watching their bodies fall to the ground. He turned to leave but the sudden jolt of pain in his leg caused him to yell in pain and fall to his knees. “Dammit, lost AND injured. Break, why do you allude m - what's that sound?” He muttered. He perked his ears and focus on the sound. A distant sound of clopping reached his ears, causing his eyes to widen. Clopping meant horses and horses meant people. He was saved! He just needed to get their attention. “Somebody help!” He called, praying to whatever deity watching over him that they heard him, hopefully before more stick wolves showed up. The clopping got louder (eww…), causing him to flutter his wings in happiness. He looked down and noticed that the blood was starting to seep through his pants. He cringed at the sight and immediately looked at away. Hopefully these people could take him to a hospital. “Come on sweetie, I think it came from over here,” Said a voice in the distance. “I'm over here! Please, I need help!” He called. The clopping was now accompanied by voices, three of them it seemed. He was about to called out to them again when he heard something gasp to his left. He turned his head to explain his situation and nearly dropped his jaw. ‘What the…?’ What he saw was not humans, but rather, some strange...horse-faunus-like creature. There were three in total. They were pretty short and came in different colours. One of them had white fur and, oddly enough, had two-toned hair that matched her tail. She wore an adorable white sundress with a pink sash around her waist, though the most noticeable thing able her was the white horse on her forehead. The second had orange fur and and purple hair that matched her tail as well. She was wearing an orange shirt and blue shorts. Two small orange wings jutted out of her back that made him question how she could possibly fly with wing that size. The their one seem to be the only normal one out of the group. She had bright yellow fur and red hair. She was wearing a red shirt and blue overalls. Atop her head was a large bow that reminded him of Blake. Nobody moved a muscle. Nobody spoke. They just stared at each other shocked silence. He blinked then they blinked. This process repeated itself for a while before the three...fillies did something he wasn't expecting. “Monster!!” They screamed. “W-Wait no I -” But it was no use. By the time he was halfway through his sentence, they had already run away, leaving him with a bleeding leg and sore ears. “Well that didn't work,” He deadpanned. He looked around, hoping to something that could help him out. No doubt other predators heard the commotion and were probably on their way. He couldn't fly out, way too much foliage in the way, but maybe he could to the next best thing. He began gently flapping his wings. There wasn't enough force to launch himself into air but there was just enough to get him off the ground. It took a few flaps but soon he was hovering just a few inches off the ground. “Well that solves one problem, that just leaves one left,” He muttered. He looked in the direction the three fillies went and noticed some footprints leading ahead. “Well what do you know, I guess they did help me after all.” He thought as he followed the trail. > Friendship is bullets! > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ‘Finally! Oh sweet sunlight, how I've missed you!’ I thought as I flew past the treeline. I closed my eyes and sighed as I felt the sun’s warmth wash over me. Unfortunately, as much as I wanted to savour the feeling of not being in that creepy ass forest, I still had that pesky bleeding leg problem to deal with. I opened my eyes and looked around. There wasn't much to look at, it was just grass, grass and more gra- hello! I squinted my eyes when I noticed something in the distance. Raising an eyebrow, I flew a lighter higher to get a better look. It looked like a small town. ‘Well it's about time!’ I thought as I flew flew over the meadow. I continued to fly until I came across a sign near the the edge of the town. I raised an eyebrow descending and landing in front of it. Welcome to Ponyville. Home to the elements of harmony. ‘Ponyville? Elements of harmony? Holy crap I AM in hell!’ I thought as I stared at the town in the distance and began weighing my options. On one hand, I have no idea what kind of…whatevers live there and could very well be shot on site for all I know. On the other hand, I'm bleed, lost and really need the to use the bathroom. Almost dieing can do that to ya folks. ‘Fuck it, it's not like I've got anything better to do.’ I shrugged and made my towards the town with the dumbest name I've ever heard. I mean, what's the worst that could happen right? “So...many...bright colours….gonna...oomph,” I muttered as I entered the town. After swallowing my lunch a second time, the first thing I noticed, besides the nauseating colour scheme, was that everything here was so....happy and peaceful. It was like the whole place this...calming aura to it. ‘I swear, if the sun here has a smiley face on it, I'm gonna shoot myself.’ As I made my way through this messed up town, I couldn't help but notice that I everywhere I looked, there was another one of those horse people staring at me. Some of them whispered amongst themselves as I flew past while others stared at me with fear and curiosity. Some even steered clear of me all together. But you know what else I noticed? Every single one of these guys were taller than me. Seriously, they were like freaking towers. My head only reached their chests and I'm 6,5 ft tall! ‘Great, now I’m lost, injured AND short,’ I thought. As much as I was ‘loving’ the warm Ponyville welcome, I still needed to get this leg fixed. It was becoming a bit of bother. So, with that in mind, I made my way over to a….mare? Is that right? It sounds right. Alright, so I made my over to a mare standing in front of what I'm guessing is a flower shop, judging by all the, well, flowers. She had a two-toned raspberry mane and tail and pale yellow fur. She wore a green short-sleeved shirt and denim shorts. Her back was facing me so I couldn't tell what her face looked like. She seemed to be the only one not staring at me but that might be because she was too busy tending to her roses. Oh well, I'll take what I can get. “Excuse me ma’am,’ She eeped and turned to face me. Hoping that she'd stop staring at me with wide eyes like I'm a freaking nevermore, I gave her the friendliest smile I could muster up which, in retrospect, was a horrible idea. In a land of, what I would assume are herbivorous horse people, showing off that you have fangs is the last thing you want to do. “Could you please point me to the nearest hos-” In retrospect, I probably should've seen what happened next coming a while a way. Oh well, at least my ears healed...eventually. “MONSTER!!” She screamed. What happened next could only be described as a sort of domino effect. Her scream caused someone else to scream which was followed by, yep, you guessed it, another scream. This process repeated itself for a while until, eventually, the whole town was in a panic, running around and screaming, leaving me confused and trying to cover my ears. Bat ears really can be a bitch sometimes. “Wait I - if you would just - I'm just looking for - “ I tried to calm them down but it was pointless. Before I knew it, they had all disappeared, either hiding in there homes or in the stores, leaving the streets vacant. “I just wanted some directions!” I yelled. The only response I received was my own voice echoing through the empty town. I scoffed and made my down the streets, muttering to myself as I did so. “Fine then, I'll just find it myse -” I was cut off when my ear suddenly twitched, alerting me to the sound of...flapping? Rapid flapping actually. Rapid flapping heading straight for me! I yelped and quickly submerged into my shadow. I heard a tomboyish yell followed by a crash and a pained groan. When I reemerged from my shadow, I saw a light blue winged horse girl with a rainbow mane and tail lying in front of a, now ruined, fruit stand. She wore a dark blue hoodie, denim shorts and a pair of white sneakers. I cringed and flew over to her. She seemed kinda out of it. Part of me wanted to be nice and help her out. That part of me was small. “Baby, sweetheart, boo boo cakes, don't you know that you can't sneak up on someone with ears this bi -” I was cut off when I was hit with a strange blue beam, sending me crashing into a wall. I groaned as I got up, barely ignoring the pain in my leg. I turned to address my attacker. She had milky white fur and a purple mane and tail. She wore a white V-neck that showed off a great amount of cleavage, purple skinny jeans and black high heels. Oh, and did I forget to mention the still glowing horn on her head? I had to admit, she was hot. Not that it mattered to me though, I was never good with women. “Stay away from her you ruffian!” She said. ‘Ruffian? What the hell?’ I was about to ask her what that means when she aimed her horn at me again and fired a blue beam. I screeched and rolled to the side, a move that did not sit well with my injury. I grit my teeth and I played through the pain, jumping and rolling out of the way as the bitch threw various items at me. Where the hell did she even get an anvil? ‘Alright, enough of this,’ I thought as I submerged into my shadow, just narrowly avoiding getting hit by another blank of wood. I reemerged in front of her, causing her to gasp in surprise. I guess she expected me to appear behind her. ‘As if I'd ever be that cliché,’ I thought before jabbing her in the stomach. As she bent over in pain, I performed a quick leg sweep and sent her to the floor. I couldn't rest yet though, as I was suddenly kicked in the side, sending me into another wall. I looked up and saw an orange mare, this one much taller than the other two, in a Stetson hat, a checkered blouse and tight denim shorts running towards me. I quickly brought out Ebony and Crimson and unfolded my wings. When she reached me, she brought her leg around for roundhouse kick, a roundhouse kick that I avoided by taking to the air. “Get back here ya filthy varmit!” She yelled. ‘Varmit? Ruffian? Why can't they just call me a bastard or an ass like a normal person?’ I thought as I aimed Ebony at her and fired, only for her to dodge it by jumping to the side. Ugh, I hate when people do that. I was about fire again when something suddenly socked me in the face. It wasn't very strong but it was enough to me spinning through the air. When I eventually stopped, it took everything in me not to loose my lunch. I shook it off and noticed that the blue mare was back and geez did she look pissed. ‘Great, Skittles is back for round 2.’ She charged at me. Reacting on instinct, I aimed Ebony and Crimson and fired….only for her to dodge with ease. I blinked in confusion before firing again…and again….and again. She just kept dodging dammit! ‘Holy crap this bitch is fast!’ I thought. She charged at me again, trying to jab me in the face. Not wanting to ruin my money maker, just barely avoiding the attack, and whacked in the back of the head with Crimson, causing her to stumble forward… I think. Is it stumbling if you're in the air? Maybe if she stops trying hit me so hard that my mom will feel it, I'll ask her. Okay, so shooting her won't work. (Awww…) But maybe I can try something else. As our hero, aka moi, stared his opponent down as she tried to get her bearings straight, he bravely, boldly, intensely muttered - "Fuck this, I'm outta here! Every faunus for themselves!” I then retreated….heroically. “Hey, get back here!” She yelled as she gave chase. Yay…. I flew pretty close to the ground, hoping the lack of would discourage her. I didn't. If anything, it made her more determined to catch me. I cursed and turned, firing at her again. She dodged the first three bullets but the second managed to nick her wing, causing her to yell in pain. ‘Wait, THAT hurt? I guess her wings must be sensitive or something,’ I thought as I unleashed a barrage of lead at her. She flew rather clumsily now but she still somehow managed to dodge most of my bullets and the ones that did hit her only nick her a little. I cursed and stopped firing, preferring to save my bullets for the other two, and made a sharp right turn. She cried to follow me but due to her now super clumsy flying, her drifting skills totally SUCKED! I couldn't help but cringe when she crashed into an apple cart and got hurried under the mountain of apples. While part of me wanted to check if she was okay, again, that part was small (fuck morality), but it did give me an idea. ‘Sure hope this works,’ I thought as I took the nearest turn, out of the rainbow nightmare’s sights and landed in front of one of the many brightly colored homes. All i had to do now was wait and let me tell ya, it was the shortest wait of my life. Not too seconds later she rounded the corner and geez did she look pissed! “Where is that creep?! When I guy my hands on him I'm gonna -” She muttered darkly. There was actually more to that sentence but for the sake you readers I left it out. Aren't I nice? I brought my fingers to my mouth and whistled. She turned to me and sent me a look that nearly made me make a mess in my pants (and not in a fun way). Good thing looks can't kill….I hope. “YOU!!” She yelled. I blew a raspberry and I swear I saw her eyes go red. She let out a battle cry and charged towards me, not even bothering to hide the killing intent in her eyes. I just stood there and waved, waiting for the right moment to strike….wow that sounded cool. When she was just a few inches from me, I quickly sunk into my shadow. She yelped and tried to stop herself but it was way too late for that. She crashed into the wall head first, knocking herself unconscious while leaving a very impressive dent in the wall. As soon as I reemerged, I cringed. ‘Huh, fast wings, slow brain. A bad combination.’ My left ear twitched, alerting me to the sound of heavy stomping. I blinked in confusion and turned to my left, only to screech and dunk, just barely avoiding an orange foot to the face. Huh, I guess being short does have its advantages. I didn't give her a chance to try her luck a again. I sunk into my shadow and slithered away with my tail between my legs, literally! “Get back here varmit!” She yelled. ‘What does that even mean?!’ I thought as I rounded the corner. She didn't hesitate to give chase but as soon as she rounded the corner, she was greeted with a kiss from Ebony’s barrel, sending her stumbling backwards. I sunk into my shadow again and reappeared behind her and swept her from behind. ‘All brawn, NO brain. An even worse combination.’ I didn't waste a second as I placed my good foot on her chest and pointed Crimson between her eyes. The look she gave me could only be described as one of pure fear. Whether it was fear for her life or fear for her friends, I'm not sure. Either way, it was enough to make me hesitate for second as I asked myself, did I really want to kill her? ‘She certainly wasn't hesitating when she kicked me into that wall!’ But would killing her really help? ‘It's either her or you. Like Weiss always said; showing hesitation in battle will only get you killed!’ But she isn't a Grimm. Could I really just end her life? ‘Dude, you're still hurting from her last kick! Just imagine what a kick like that could do to your jewels! It's a worthy precaution!’ Excellent point! Save crotch first, feel guilty later! I was about to pull the trigger when a loud bang reached my ears. The strange part was that it didn't come from my gun. ‘What was tha -’ My train of thought was cut off when something hit me so hard that it sent me flying into one of the stands, which hurt like a bitch by the way. I groaned as I opened my eyes only to have vision filled with….confetti? ‘Huh?’ I lifted my hand and examined the substance as it fell into my hand. Sure enough, it was confetti. ‘What kind of messed up world did I land in?!’ I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of giggling. It sounded waaay to happy and bubbly to even be considered sane. I turned to the sound and saw a pink mare with even an pinker mane and tail. She wore a light blue shirt with a smiley face on it and a short pink skirt. Oh, and did I mention she was pouring confetti into a cannon? Next to her was another mare. This one also had a pink mane and tail but it was light than the other one. Her fur was a soft creamish yellow and she had a pair of wings on her back though to be honest, I was paying more attention to the giant hooters she was sporting. ‘Mama mia those are some-a good-a boobies!’ She wore a green sweater, which nothing to hide her...well endowment, and a knee length pink skirt along a pair of pink sandals. She didn't strike me as the fighting type considering that she blushed and tried to hide behind her own mane when she noticed me staring which, in turn, caused me to blush as well. “Fire party cannon!” “Huh? YIKES!!” I yelped before sinking into my shadow just seconds before the confetti could hit me….wow that sounded weird. ‘Just where are all these mares coming from?!’ I thought as I reemerged and aimed Ebony and Crimson at the pink one, only to have Crimson knocked out of my hand by a purple beam. I looked to my left and saw a purple lavender mare. She wore a purple blouse, a dark blue skirt that ended at her mid thigh and white kneesocks. Basically, she looked like your typical anime school girl. ‘What?! MORE of these assholes?! What is this, Pony Force Go?!’ I aimed Ebony at her and was about to pull the trigger when a blue beam knocked the weapon out of my hand. I turned to the attacker and saw the white mare was back and more ready to kick my ass than ever. ‘I'm starting to think I have a rotten luck with women.’ I unfolded my wings and took to the air, only to be harshly brought back down to earth. I looked down and noticed that a lasso around my uninjured leg. Following the rope, I found that it's owner was none other than the orange hillbilly herself. Typical. ‘I knew I should've blown her head off when I had the chance,’ I thought as I tried to get up, only to be tackled down again. I looked up and saw that Skittles was had not only recovered but but was also sport a very fashionable bump on her head. I gulp as she pulled back a fist, only one thought going through my head. ‘I wonder if I left the stove on back ho - ' I groaned as I opened my eyes. I expected to be in a world of pain but surprisingly, I felt perfectly fine. I sat and looked around and was surprised to see….nothing. “Great, I'm back here again,” I muttered. “You did great kid!” A voice laughed. You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out who it was. There was a poof of smoke and, surprise surprise, there floated Discord, looking quite pleased with himself if I might add. “A wonderful performance! I give it three stars!” He cheered before snapping his fingers. Three gold stars suddenly appeared above my head. I gave him an ‘I hate you’ glare before they fell on my head. “What are you talking about?” I asked, rubbing the lumps that were forming on my head. “It was a total disaster!” “Exactly!” He snapped his fingers again and I suddenly found myself on a surprisingly comfy couch. He appeared next to me and pulled out a remote and pointed it at a tv that appeared out of nowhere. The screen played static for a second before playing everything that happened to me the moment I woke up, from being attack by those weird wolves to me getting my ass kick by those colourful mares. “Just look at chaos you've caused in such a short time! Oh I knew I made the right choice with you!” He pulled a handkerchief. “I'm so proud.” My eye twitched as I listened to the idiot pull his nose which, by the way, sounded like a bull horn. ‘I really hate this guy.’ “Well I'm glad you enjoyed the show. It'll probably be my last,” I said as I got off the couch. “What?!” Yelled Discord, appearing in front of me and grabbing my shoulders. “What do you mean ‘last’?!” “How many bullets do you think I have?” I deadpanned. “Without those, there's only so much I can do.” He blinked me for a second before placing his claw on his chin. You ever see I dimwit try really hard to think? Well that's what he looked like right now but dumber. Then again, I'm the one insulting a god so what do I know?” “Oh, I know!” He said, snapping his fingers. Ebony and Crimson suddenly appeared in his hands, causing my eyes to widen. No one holds my guns but me! “Hey, give those back!” I charged at him, only to run into an invisible wall. ‘Right, god. Forgot about that.’ “Oh relax, I'm just helping you out,” He said as he held my babies. I watched with worry as a blue-purple aura surrounded them. I wanted to walk over to him and punch him in the face so I could get my guns back but the invisible wall blocked my path. “I swear if you break them I'm gonna-” “Done!” He cheered, tossing them to me. I caught them with ease...okay that's a lie. I nearly dropped them but I didn't and that's counts so shut up. I stared down at the guns which were covered in that strange aura. Something about them felt...different. “What did you do?” I asked, glaring at the mismatched....whatever he is. “Oh just a little enchantment to get rid of that pesky ammunition problem. Now you'll never have to worry about running out of ammo again!” ‘What is this nitwit talking about now? I swear this guy makes less sense than - WAIT A MINUTE!!’ My eyes widened as realization finally dawned on me. I looked at my guns, which had now lost their strange aura, then back at Discord. I repeated this process for a bit before finally asking the million lien question. “Y-You mean t-than I...I...I…” “Have unlimited ammo? Why yes indeed my little faunas. Now you spread mischief and merriment throughout blah blah! Blah blah blah, blah blah. Blah blah blah? Blah blah!” I stopped listening after ‘unlimited ammo’ and just stared at my guns. Part of me wanted to ask how the hell he was able to enchant my weapons in this void but the other more trigger happy part was too busy trying to process the fact that I could shoot as many rounds as I want! ‘Maybe now I'll stand a chance against those mares,’ I thought before looking back at the still babbling Discord. “And that's I'll never go anywhere near Celestia’s cake vault ever again,” He finished, not that I was listening. “Who?” I asked. “Oh look at the time!” A large grandfather clock suddenly appeared between us. The minute and hour hands both pointed at the words ‘wake up’. “I think it's about time you head back to the waking world! We'll keep in touch. Toodles!” “Wait! Not agi - “ I was cut off by a blinding light before everything went dark again. > an overdue freakout > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- ‘I hate you Discord,’ I thought as I opened my eyes only for my vision to be filled with nothing but pure blur. After giving my eyes a moment to adjust, I began a quick maintenance check. ‘Breathing, check (Yatta!). Sight… More or less check. Hearing, mostly check. Feeling in my face, chec - OOW!!’ I tried to lift my arm to rub the bruise that was no doubt inflicted by the rainbow beast, but when I did, my other arm followed. I raised an eyebrow and shook the blurriness out of my eyes before looking at my arms. They were held together by a rope tied around my wrist. Looking past them, I saw that my ankles were in the same predicament. I also saw that my leg was bandaged up and covered in pink crayon hearts. ‘Is it weird that I'm a little turned on right now?’ I shrugged the feeling off and looked around. It looked like I was in some sort of bedroom but the walls looked like the inside of a tree. Everything was neatly in it's place and there was a shelf filled with books not too far away. “I say we throw it in the Everfree Forest, where it belongs!” My ear twitched in irritation at the sound. Of course I'd be captured and tied up by them. Universe, why do you hate me? “We can't just throw it back Rainbow Dash! We could be looking at an entirely new species here! Just imagine what we could learn from him!” ‘Yep, I’m screwed.’ I gulped, not liking how excited she sounded. “But it's so creepy,” whined Rainbow Dash. “Um...I thought it was k-kind of c-cute actually…” ‘Holy crap I almost didn't hear that,’ I thought. “Oh come on Fluttershy! Just look at it! Those beady brown eyes…” ‘My eyes aren't beady!’ “That dirty hairless brown skin and short coal black hair…” ‘Well excuse me if stick-wolf blood doesn't exactly make for very good soap!’ “And that outfit! How anything can even think about walking around in such tacky rags is beyond me.” Said a different voice, this one more elegant and spoken with an exotic accent. ‘Oh no she didn't!’ “FUCK YOU BITCH!! I LOOK FABULOUS!!” I screamed, flaring my wings in anger. My only response was my own words echoing through the house. I layed there in a silence so tense, I could practically see it. I was about to scream again, just to piss em off, when the sound of hurried clopping nearly made my ears bleed. As I thought of all the creative ways to kill these people...horses...whatever, the door burst open, revealing the six she-devils themselves. “Great, you're all here. Now my day is complete,” I quipped, causing their widen for some reason really don't care that much about. They stood there in a silence way more awkward than the last one - at least for me - staring at me with wide eyes and slack jaws. “Please stop staring at me like that, it's creeping me out!” I said. The lavender made was the first to recover. Shaking herself out of her stuber, she shakily pointed at me and spoke. “You...You can talk?” I rolled my eyes. “No, I'm just making sounds that suspiciously sound like words,” I said, the sarcasm more than evident in my voice. “Now could one of you be so kind as to roll me onto my stomach? My wings are falling asleep.” The yellow mare gasped and stepped forward but was stopped by the orange mare. “Don't do it Fluttershy. It could be a trick,” She said, causing me to groan. “Yeah, that's right. I came to this town with an injured leg so that I could lie here and trick her. You've solved the case you redneck hillbilly!” “Why you…!” She moved to towards me, no doubt to kick my ass, only to be held back by both the yellow and the pink mare. “You've got a lot of nerve, insulting us when you're the one tied up,” Said the blue mare who I'm guessing is Rainbow Dash for obvious reasons. She was covered in some very stylish bandages for her many cuts and the bruise on her forehead. “Didn’t you fly into a wall?” I quipped. Her response was a death glare that made me smirk. “So what are you anyway?” Asked the lavender mare. “Yo mamma!” I yelled. I know that I probably shouldn't be possing off the girls who have me at their mercy but I'm drunk on rage right now so self-preservation doesn't apply to me. “You might as well tell us, you know. I've already sent a letter to Princess Celestia, who's coming in three days to take you away,” She said. ‘Princess?! Shit!’ “Well then, I guess I better get out of here before she shows up.” “Ah’d like to see ya try,” Said the orange mare. “No way yer’ gettin’ outta - “ I cut her off by sinking into my shadow. Not giving them time to react, I slithered off the bed and out the door. I heard the mares yelling at me to return but it was too late. By the time they made it down stares I was already out the door. ‘Freedom!’ I thought as I slithered through the streets. They were still empty from the whole ‘warm welcome’ which was fine by me. ‘Freaking xenophobes,’ I thought as the sound of clopping reached my ears. I cursed and rounded into an ally. I waited until I saw them pass by before hightailing out of there. I needed to get these damn ropes off. “How could we lose it?!” Asked Rainbow as they stopped in the center of town. “Don't worry, we'll find it. I mean, how hard is it to find a hairless pony with bat wings?” Twilight said as she turned to the group. “We’ll have split up though. Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, you two search the west side of Ponyville.” “Got it!” Rainbow Dash said before taking off with Fluttershy following close at hand. “Rarity, Pinkie, you two head east. Applejack and I will check near the Everfree Forest.” “Oki doki Loki!” Cheered Pinkie, giving a salute before heading the direction she was told. “You be careful dear!” Said Rarity as she followed her pink friend. “You too!” Said Twilight before turning to Applejack. “Come on Applejack, we gotta find that before it causes even more trouble. Who knows what it could be doing right now.” “Finally!” I exclaimed as I untied my feet. After finally losing those mares, I found a nice empty park and made my way under a nearby tree where I proceeded to untie myself and let me tell you, it was not easy. Let's just say that I'll never look at my ears the same way again. “Alright, that's one problem down. So now what?” I muttered. I slumped against the tree as I thought about my next course of action. The sun was starting to set which meant that I didn't have much time left. I guess the first thing I should do is get the heck out of this crazy town. I got what I came for; my leg was taken care of so I didn't really have much reason to stay, but then what? And there lied the million lien question; what do I do from here on in? The fact of the matter is, I know absolutely nothing about this world and even if I did, what good would that do me in the long run? It's not like I could just find a different town or city to live in, if the people here reacted the way they did just because I wanted some directions, I can't imagine how the bigger settlements would react to me actually living amongst them. Not that it mattered. The lavender mare said something about the princess coming over. That meant that as soon as she saw I was missing, she'd no doubt alert other kingdoms about the monster on the loose. This meant I'll have to spend the rest of my life running from an inevitable capture. And if and/or when they do catch me, what do I do? Fight them? These things can dodge bullets and ejaculate freaking laser beams from boners on their foreheads! I'm just a hunter in training, how can I possibly compete with that?! I brought knees to my chest and hugged them. My body shook and my eyes began to well up with tears as the reality of my situation finally caught up with me. Come to think of it, with everything that's happened lately, what with being attacked by a bunch of stick-wolves and getting my ass handed to me by a small group of mares, I don't think I've had time to freak out about my situation yet. Oh well, better late than never I suppose. ‘Great…just….great. I escaped one miserable life only to end up with an even worse one as I result.’ I placed my head on my knees and sighed. My breath was a little shaky and my ears filed back but I was way too deep in my own emotional turmoil to notice or care. ‘Why...Why does this shit have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?’ It took a lot of will on my part to keep the tears in my eyes from falling but it was just getting harder by the second. ‘I just wanted a normal happy life. Is that really so wro - ' “There you are!” ‘And the moment is ruined.’ I looked up to glare the hell out of this bitch, only to find myself trapped inside a light blue dome. The white mare stood in front me with her pink friend bouncing beside her. ‘One break. I just want ONE break!’ “Pinkie, be a dear and go get the others. I'll stay here and make sure this miscreant doesn't go anywhere.” The pink mare gave a soldier's salute before running off, leaving a mare shaped dust cloud in her wake. I groaned and placed my head back on my knees. Ain't know way I was in the mood for this shit. “Well I hope you've learned your lesson. Now if you'd calmly just - “ “Shut up.” She gasped and looked at me like I had just slapped her in the face. “Excuse me?! Why I never - “ “Shut. Up,” I growled. “I'm not in the mood.” She folds her arms and scoffs at me. “Hmph. May I remind you that you wouldn't even be in this situation if you hadn't attacked Ponyville in the first place.” You know, if what she just said hadn't sent me from ‘pissed off’ to ‘I'm gonna make a purse out of your ass’, I would've thought it was cute how she puffs out her cheeks when she's mad. Oh well. “Attacked Ponyville? ATTACKED PONYVILLE?!” I lifted my head and gave her the most pissed off expression possible, though in retrospect, it probably didn't come out as intimidating as I had hoped with my bloodshot eyes and cracked voice. “First of all, that is the DUMBEST name I have ever heard and whoever named this town should burn in hell!!” Yeah that probably didn't help my case but be honest, haven't you ever said something stupid while drunk on rage? It felt good didn't it? “Second, I didn't attack anyone! I came to this fucked up town because I was hurt and needed help! It's not my fault you freaks are xenophobic!” She stared at me with a blank expression before huffing again. “A likely story.” “Likely stor - MY LEG WAS BLEEDING YOU DUMB - Ugh, you know what? Believe whatever you want okay. I don't care anymore.” I placed my head back on my knees. “Not that it matters. I'm lost, injured, scared, alone and…” I sobbed, no longer able to stop my tears from falling. My body started to shake again. I know all of this was true but hearing myself say it out loud just...made it more difficult to accept. Man I must've looked so pathetic. Yep, I'm definitely getting in her pants. Great, now I'm depressed. You know what, I'm just going to let the story tell itself for a little while. You don't mind, do you? Great. Ugh, I need some water; I'm parched. Whatever that Morgan Freeman guy gets paid, it ain't enough. Rarity looked on as he sobbed into his knees. She wanted to keep a straight face, she really did, but as she watched him break down in tears, she couldn't help but pity the poor creature. Her heart wasn't made of stone you know. Though if you were to say that it was made from diamonds, well then, it would very rude of her to argue. Her expression softened as she watched him. She had no idea what to do. On one hand, she had no idea what was going through his head. He could just be luring her into a trap. But on the other hand, she couldn't stand to see anything cry - pony or not. She supposed that was a trait she picked up from spending so much time with Fluttershy. ‘Where are you Pinkie?’ She thought as she stood there in awkward silence. She tried to look anywhere but directly at him but it didn't help much. She could still hear him sobbing and with every sob, she felt her resolve break a little. “Um...please stop crying deary,” She awkwardly said. It was time like this that she really wished Fluttershy was around. She was so much better at this than her. “Look, I'm if you just explain yourself - “ “That won't work,” He interrupted, not bothering to look at her as he spoke. “The orange and blue mare practically hate me, the yellow one is terrified of me, the purple one just sees me as some new project and I don't even want to know what's going through the pink one’s head.” She was having an internal war with herself now. She felt sorry for the poor thing, she really did, but she couldn't let herself fall for his world so easily. Rainbow would never let her live it down if he tricked her into freeing him. She tried to strengthen her resolve but what he said next was the straw that broke the camel's back. “I...I just want to go home…” Yep, that just about did it. She sighed, cursing her gentle heart, before dispersing her magic, causing the dome to disappear. Despite this, he still did not look up. Hay, she'd be surprised if he even noticed. She kneeled to his level and placed a hand on his shoulder. His body tensed and he went silent. He slowly lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes wide and still wet with tears. She hated to admit it, but she found him rather cute looking like this. He looked like a sad puppy. ‘I've been spending far too much time with Fluttershy.’ “Wh...What are you…?” He trailed off. “Well…” She trailed off, not really sure what to say. What could she say? Hey, I know I blasted you with magic earlier? Not the best conversation starter but perhaps an apology would be a good start. “Perhaps we were a bit...harsh on you before…” “Ya don't say,” He deadpanned. “But to be fair, you weren't exactly helping your case by shooting those….things at us,” She stated in defence. “You shot lasers at me!” “Only because you knocked out Rainbow Dash!” Myotis rolled his eyes at her accusation. “Pffft! Please, she did that to herself. I don't know if you've noticed but she isn't exactly ‘Ms. Sneak Attack’,” He scoffed. “Besides, how was I supposed to know she'd fly into a fruit stand?” She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. This wasn't getting her anywhere. “You still could've tried to explain yourself back at the library you know.” He opened his mouth to retort, only to close it again when he realised that she was absolutely right. “I...guess you have a point there.” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I really messed up didn't I?” “I think we all messed up,” She giggled. “How about we make deal? You promise not to cause any trouble around Ponyville and I'll talk to the other's about what to do with you.” She took her hand off his shoulder and offered it to him. He stared at it for a moment before looking back at her. Her cold glare was now replaced with a warm caring smile. If he was completely honest with himself, he'd say she looked….pretty. “You'd…do that...for me?” “But of course!” She giggled. “It would quite selfish of me to not at least give you a chance and I can't have that now can I? I am the element of generosity after all.” He...had no idea what that meant but he was in no mood to ask about it. The answer would probably confuse him anyway, like everything else in this messed up place. ‘Just roll with it Myotis.’ “So do we have a deal?” She asked. He stared down at her hand for a moment before making his decision. It really wasn't hard, though he did have a feeling that this wouldn't end well either way. “Hell yeah we do!” He smiled as he took her hand and allowed her to help him up. He was about to thank her when he noticed that he was at eye level with her cleavage, and what a cleavage it was! ‘You know, maybe being short won't be so bad,’ He thought, looking away in attempt to hide his reddening face. “Thank you Ms…” “Rarity. And you are…?” ‘What a weird name. Then again, almost everyone in my world is named after a colour.’ “Myotis Neo. You can just call me Myotis though.” “Myotis…” She repeated, the name rolling of her tongue. “What an odd name for an odd creature.” “Oh yeah, because Rarity is so common,” He deadpanned. She giggled at this. He found himself actually enjoying the sound. “Hey...uh Rarity…?” “Yes? What is it dear?” His cheeks reddened again and he suddenly found her shoes to be a lot more interesting. “Uh...sorry for...you know...calling you a bitch.” “Oh that alright. I'm sorry for knocking you out,” She giggled, causing him to look up at her in confusion. “You didn't -” He cut himself off when he noticed her horn was glowing. “Oh…” ‘Ugh, what is this, three times in one day?’ He thought, slowly regaining consciousness. He open his eyes and found himself in the same situation as before except now he was on his stomach instead. ‘Well at least they made sure I was comfy.’ “You want us to what?!” His ears perked. He could've that was the rainbow mare's voice. He looked to towards the door with a raised eyebrow. “I'm just saying that perhaps we were a bit hasty with it. It doesn't seem like such a bad Pon - uh, bat.” That was Rarity’s voice. He narrowed his eyes and looked at the door. He needed to get over there. ‘Good thing they didn't tie my wings,’ He thought as flew to towards the door. He pressed his ear against it and listened. “Are you even listening to yourself? No way am I trusting that thing!” “Ah’m with RD on this one, I don't trust em’. Plus, I can't stand bats.” ‘Well fuck you too sherrif.’ “I'm not asking you to trust him. Just to give him a chance.” “Um...he fwas injured when we found him…” “Oh! Maybe he likes parties!” “Seriously?! Come on Twi, help me out here. You don't trust him either right?” There was a long moment of silence that followed. For a minute, he was scared that they had already decided when Twi -whoever that was- spoke. “Well...I supposed as the elements of harmony, we wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't at least give him a chance.” “Oh! Oh! I know! Let's vote on it!” There was no question about it; that was definitely the pick mare. He made a mental note to keep an eye on her. No one with a smile that huge could possibly be sane. “Great idea Pinky! Alright, raise you hand if you think we should give him a chance.” ‘Seriously?! What is this, kindergarten?’ “All opposed?” There was moment silence before she apparently came to a decision. “Then I guess it's settled. We -” She was cut off when the door suddenly opened, revealing a small….lizard boy? Now, he'd seen a few lizard faunas while at beacon but none of them were ever covered purple scales...or naked. ‘Where the hell is his weiner?!’ He found himself asking. The...lizard stated up at him with wide eyes. Neither of them moved or blinked. They just stared at each other in awkward silence. “Um...hi?” The lizard boy didn't respond. He just slammed the door in his face, causing him to lose his concentration on flying and hit the floor face first. “Son of a -” The sound of hoofsteps cut off what would have surely been the longest string of curses in history - other world or not. The opened again and he found himself staring at a pair of purple hoofs. Following them up the legs, he found a purple mare staring down at him with a raised eyebrow. “...I can explain.” He never had the chance. He soon found himself encased in a purple aura. He panicked when he found himself being lifted off the ground and carried over to the bed. He was getting real sick of that bed. “We've come to a decision.”