The Golden Oak Library.

by TheOctoWriter

First published 14th of November, 2015

"You're tearing me apart Lisa!" Relive the ridiculous and incredibly cheesy cult classic film The Room. Now with 100% more ponies. Warning this may cause any of the following: Cringe, Heart-attack, Vomiting, Laughter, or random bouts of happi

Do you like terrible movies? Do you like ponies? Then, join me as we go on a wild ride through the events of The Room. The hilarious but misguided masterpiece of director Tommy Wiseau. Laugh (or cry.) as I combine all the stiff dialogue, awkward sex scenes, and abandoned subplots with ponies.

A silly one shot I came up with one afternoon.

Chapter 1- Anything for my princess... Hahaha!

The Spike Films Logo flashes on screen as the audience watches The Room at the National Fillydephia Theatre.

The credits then flash onto the screen

The Room.

*Fade to Black*

Starring

Spike The Dragon

*Fade to Black*

A still shot of San Franciscolt is seen.

*Fade to Black*

Applejack

*Fade to Black*

The camera pans upward as to the calm waters of the San Franciscolt.

*Fade to Black*

Twilight Sparkle

*Fade to black quickly*

Scootaloo

*Fade to Black*

Yet another establishing shot to remind us we are in San Franciscolt plays.

Twilight Velvet.

*Fade to Black*

Some of the audience started to leave.

Comments like

"This shit is taking too dam long!"

and

"I paid 25 bucks for this?!"

Were heard by everypony as the disgruntled movie watchers left.

Those that stayed noticed something strange.

The movie was written, produced, and directed by Spike The Dragon.

Spike walks up to the Golden Oak Library.

He opens the door and steps inside the living room.

He puts his black coat on the coat rack but keeps the tie and shirt on.

"Hi Babe! I have something for you." Spike says with a strange accent.

"What is it?" Twilight asks with curiosity.

"Just a little something." Spike says as he pulls out a present.

Spike plays keep away for a few seconds before giving it to her.

"Johnny it's beautiful. Thank you. Can I try it on now?" Twilight asks in a stiff tone.

In fact, the way Twilight delivered the line made the audience explode with laughter.

"Sure it's yours." Spike said with a fiercely serious expression on his face.

The audience tried not to gag when they saw his face but when he emotes, the struggle was real.

Not that Spike wasn't handsome.

But the face he was making looked like a bear had tried to escape a trash compactor, only to get it's face crushed horribly.

"Wait right here." Twilight says as she grabs onto Spike's tie and kisses him.

"I'll try it on right now." Twilight says as she hurries upstairs to change.

Spike sits down and waits for Twilight.

"Wow, you look so sexy Twilight." Spike said smiling.

"Isn't it fabulous?" Twilight asks as she sports a smile of her own.

"I would do anything for my mare." Spike said with a stiff smile.

Scootaloo comes into the library treehouse.

"Oh hey, guys." Scootaloo says greeting them.

"Oh hi, Scootaloo." Spike says, his voice jumping a couple octaves higher.

"Oh wow! Look at you!" Scootaloo says with excitement as she looks at the dress Twilight has on.

"It's from Spike." Twilight says still smiling.

"Anything for my princess, ha ha ha ha!" Spike says as he smiles and lets out a weird laugh.

The laugh sounded like someone trying to mimic the laugh track heard in pony sitcoms.

But then failing horribly.

The audience almost died with laughter once they heard Spike laugh.

"How much was it?" Scootaloo asked with a innocent curiosity.

"Scootaloo, don't ask a question like that." Twilight said, somewhat offended.

"Nice to see you Scootaloo, I'm going to take a nap." Spike said still standing there.

"Can I go upstairs too?!" Scootaloo asked with a happy look on his face.

Spike then laughs again.

"Ha ha ha!" Spike said laughing.

"Scootaloo, I think I'm going to join him."

Scootaloo watches them as they go upstairs.

"Ah ha ha!" Spike say laughing his stiff laugh once more.

"I've got some candles upstairs." Twilight says as they go upstairs.

"You always think... Ah ha ha!" Spike said in response.

"Alright I'm ready!" Spike said putting in a tiny bit of emotion.

"This is so great, I can't wait for you to get it off of me." Twilight said with horny excitement.

"Oh yeaaah..." Spike said, sounding dead on the inside.

Scootaloo grabs a apple sitting on a nearby table.

She starts eating it while following them upstairs.

"Ha ha ha!" Spike's laughed as he tumbled onto the bed.

Spike and Twilight have a pillow fight.

Spike laughs as he gets hit.

"Ha ha ha!"

"Ouch!"

"Hahaha!"

Scootaloo jumps in between them as they pillow fight laughing.

This causes Twilight to burst out laughing.

Twilight just can't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.

But the audience knew...

Deep down, her bright laughter was her way of coping with being in this disaster of a movie.

Spike's smile turned into a frown.

"Scootaloo, do you have something else to do?" Spike asked with annoyance.

"I just like to watch you guys..." Scootaloo said nonchalantly, still smiling.

"Oh ho- Scoot, Scoot, Scoot Girl." Twilight said, almost dying on the inside due to how awkward the phrase was.

Twilight ruffled Scootaloo's hair.

"Hey two's great but three's a crowd... ha hah!" Spike said happiness radiating from his face.

"heh... I get you guys wanna be alone." Scootaloo said with a look of realization on her face.

"That's the idea." Spike said, his voice sounding somewhat normal.

"Fine, I have homework to do anyways. Bye lovebirds!" Scootaloo said in a teasing tone as she left them alone.

"Bye Scootaloo." Spike said looking extremely bored again.

"Bye Scootaloo." Twilight said with a warm smile.

Spike and Twilight then do the dirty.

Spike awkwardly laughs his way through that too.

And for some reason there are rose petals and rain in the background.

With the added bonus of R&B playing during the scene.

They now lay in bed together.

Then Spike just falls asleep while Twilight looks extremely bored with life.

The alarm rings and Spike gets up.

He then smells one of the roses and then brushes his teeth in the bathroom.

Spike then emerges ready for the day and greets Twilight.

"Did you like last night?" Spike asks.

"Yes I did." Twilight says smiling.

"Ha ha ha!" Spike says laughing weirdly again.

"Can I get you anything?" Twilight asked looking bored.

"Uhh unh, I have to go." Spike says as he leaves the library.

"Okay bye." Twilight says quickly.

"Bye." Spike says as he leaves.

Twilight hears knocking and opens the door.

Twilight Velvet enters the living room.

"Hi mom, how are you?" Twilight asks smiling.

"I'm fine, how are you? Hmm? Okay, let's go to the couch, and we will sit down. Now, tell me what's happening with you? Hmm?"

Ms. Sparkle says without even taking a pause or a stopping to breath.

"Nothing much. Do you want some tea?" Twilight says, offering her mother some tea.

Ms. Sparkle takes it and then says

"What's wrong? Tell me." She looks concerned.

"I'm not feeling good today."

"Well why not?" Ms. Sparkle questions.

"I don't love him anymore."

"Why don't you love him anymore? Tell me." Ms. Sparkle asked looking confused.

"He's so boring." Twilight replied back.

Twilight Velvet looked even more confused now.

She couldn't understand why her daughter wasn't into Spike anymore. He was handsome and had a steady job delivering letters to the princess.

Spike was perfect in her eyes, just perfect for Twilight.

Ms. Sparkle spoke up.

"You've known him for over five years. You're engaged. You said you loved him. He supports you, he provides for you, and darling you can't provide for yourself."

Twilight gave her a offended look when she heard her own mother say she couldn't provide for herself.

She was smart, I mean for Celestia's sake...

Twilight Velvet continued.

"He's a wonderful dragon and he loves you very much. And his position is very secure. And he told me he promised to buy you a house. A bucking house!"

"That's why he's so boring!" Twilight whined.

"Well, what are you going to do?" Ms. Sparkle asked.

"I don't know. I don't mind living with him." Twilight said.

"Well you can't do that. Have you tried talking to him?" Ms. Sparkle asked.

"No. I don't know what to do." Twilight says distressed.

"Well, he's a wonderful person. And he's getting a promotion very soon. Now he brought you a car, he brought you a ring, clothes, whatever you wanted, and now you want to dump him?"

"That's not right." Ms. Sparkle said with a frown on her face.

"I've always thought of him as my son in law. You should marry Spike. He would be good for you."

"I guess you are right about that." Twilight said.

"Well of course I'm right. I know men! I wasn't born yesterday. I'm glad you're listening to your mother. Nobody listens to me."

Ms. Sparkle said looking sad.

"Well I'm glad you're listening to your mother. Listen, I gotta go. But you remember what I've told you okay? M-hm. Bye bye now."

Ms. Sparkles then went home, probably because her husband won't listen to her...again.

"Thanks mom..." Twilight said sarcastically.

Later in the afternoon.

Twilight picks up a scroll and sends a letter to Applejack.

"Howdy." Applejack replies back.

"Hey baby, how are you doing today?" Twilight writes.

"Oh hey, how are ya doing? Yeah, I'm very busy, what's going on?"

"I just finished talking with my mom. She gave me this big lecture about Spike."

"Look, I'll talk to you later about it. I told you. I'm very busy with making apples."

"We'll talk about this now! Whenever you say we'll talk about it later, we never do. I can't wait until later. I want to talk to you now."

"Besides you owe me one anyway."

"Okay. Alright, what do you want to talk about?" Applejack asked.

"She's a stupid whorse. She wants to control my life. I'm not going to put up with that. I'm going to do what I want and that's it."

"What do you think I should do?" Twilight asked.

"I mean, why do you ask me? You know, you've been very happy with Spike. What do you want me to say? I mean, you should enjoy your life. What's the problem?" Applejack asked very confused.

"Maybe, you're right. Can I see you tomorrow?" Twilight asked.

"Okay. Alright, how about noon?" Applejack replied.

"I'll be waiting for you. Bye." Twilight wrote.

"Alright see you." Applejack replied.

Cut to another shot of San Franciscolt.

A knock is heard on the Golden Oak Library's door.

Twilight answers and lets Applejack in.

"Hi, how are you doing?"Applejack asks.

"I'm fine, come in. Have a seat." Twilight says as she pours tea and offers a cup.

"Thank you." Applejack says and sips a little of the tea.

"It's hot in here." Twilight says as she begins to open a window.

"Do you mind?" Twilight asks.

"No." Applejack says as the window is opened.

Twilight then approaches Applejack, apparently drunk.

Applejack looks around.

"I mean the candles, the music, the seductive pose... I mean, what's going on here?"

"I like you very much, loverfilly."

"What are you doing this for?" Applejack asked sporting the most aroused, yet confused face known to pony kind.

"What's the matter? Don't you like me? I'm your mare." Twilight said faking a hurt look.

"Spike's my best friend. You're going to be married next month. Come on..." Applejack said in disbelief.

"Forget about Spike. This is between you and me." Twilight said coldly.

"I don't think so. I'm leaving now." Applejack stated as she starts to get up to leave.

"Please don't leave. Please don't leave. I need you. I love you. I don't want to get married anymore. I don't love Spike. I dream about you. I need you to make love to me." Twilight pleaded.

"I don't think so. Everything is going to be fine, I promise." Applejack said as she lovingly caressed Twilight's cheek and stared at her big lavender colored eyes.

"Oh Applejack..." Twilight said blushing redder than a pit in Tartarus.

"Mmm... Twilight. Give me some of that purple booty." Applejack said in a low husky tone, licking her lips.

They played a game of steamrollers in the bedroom.

"Why did you do this to me? Why? Spike's my best friend." Applejack said in shock.

"Didn't you enjoy it?" Twilight asked smirking.

"That's not the point." Applejack said.

"I love you Applejack." Twilight said staring deeply into Applejack's eyes.

"Look, you're very attractive alright? You're beautiful. But we can't do this anymore. I can't hurt Spike." Applejack stated seemingly standing her ground.

"I know . He's your best friend." Twilight said.

"Hey. This will be our secret." Applejack said as they proceeded to suck face.

Cut to another shot of San Franciscolt.

Spike walks up to Roseluck's stall.

"Hi." Spike says.

"Can I help you?" Roseluck asks.

"Yeah." Spike takes off his sunglasses.

"Can I have a dozen red roses, please?" Spike asks.

"Oh hi, Spike, I didn't know it was you. Here you go." Roseluck said, despite the fact that nopony else looked like Spike in all of Equestria.

"That's me! How much is it?" Spike asked with a goofy smile.

"It'll be eighteen bits." Roseluck stated.

"Here you go, keep the change, Hi Doggy!" Spike said giving the bits to Roseluck and waving to a random dog.

"You're my favorite customer." Roseluck says, not sounding sure of herself.

"Thanks a lot, bye!" spike says as he leaves the stall.

"Bye bye!" roseluck says.

Cut to Twilight, writing a letter to the pizza pony.

"Yeah delivery. Golden Oak Library. Half Canadian Tofu with pineapple. half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. Thanks." Twilight writes, stating her order.

She finishes sending the letter and a knock is heard.

"Who is it?" Twilight asks as she approaches the door.

"Scootaloo!" Scootaloo says loudly.

Twilight opens the door.

"Hey Scootaloo, how are you doing?" Twilight asks smiling.

"I'm fine. What's new?" Scootaloo asked.

"Actually I'm really busy. Do you want something to drink?" Twilight offered.

"No thanks. I just want to talk to Spike. You look beautiful today. Can I kiss you?" Scootaloo said with a goofy smile.

"You are such a little brat!" Twilight said lightly teasing.

"I'm just kidding! I love you and Spike." Scootaloo said laughing a little.

"Okay, okay. Spike's gonna be here any minute. You can wait if you want." Twilight explained.

"I gotta go. You'll tell him I stopped by." Scootaloo said getting ready to leave.

"Of course." Twilight said.

"Bye." Scootaloo said as she left.

"Bye Scootaloo." Twilight said waving goodbye.

Spike enters the room.

"Hi babe. These are for you." Spike said, presenting the roses to Twilight.

"Thanks honey, they're beautiful. Did you get the promotion?" Twilight questioned.

"Nah." Spike said sounding sad.

"You didn't get it, did you?" Twilight said, ignoring what Spike said a few seconds ago.

"That son of a donkey told me I would get it within three months. I save them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I will ever get it. They betray me, they didn't keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don't care anymore." Spike said angrily.

"Did you tell them how much you save them?" Twilight asked innocently.

"Of course, what do you think? They already put my ideas into practice. The royal library saves money, and they are using me, and I am the fool." Spike said bitterly.

"I still love you." Twilight said wrapping her hooves around Spike.

"You're the only one that does." Spike said, staring lovingly into her eyes.

"At least you have friends. I didn't get any calls today. You're right. The Elements of Harmony business is too competitive. Do you want me to order a pizza?" Twilight asked.

"Whatever, I don't care." Spike said sounding bored.

"I already ordered a pizza." Twilight said with a smirk.

"You think about everything. Ha ha!" Spike said sounding a little happy.

"What's the matter? Are you alright? It's just a lousy promotion.You know what you need? You need a drink." Twilight said serious for once.

"I don't drink, you know that!" Spike said in protest.

Twilight comes back with some apple cider and Applejack.

"Ha ha ha ha!" spike says as he sees the drinks.

She mixes them to from Ciderjack.

"Don't worry. it's good for you." Twilight said trying to reassure Spike.

"You must be crazy. I can't drink this." Spike said still skeptical.

"If you love me, you'll drink this." Twilight said manipulatively.

She raises a glass to his mouth and Spike drinks.

"You're right, it tastes good. Ah ha ha." Spike said smiling.

"I know. I am right. Don't worry about those buckers. You're a good dragon. Drink and let's have some fun." Twilight said.

They drink a lot.

Cut to Twilight wearing Spike's tie as a headband.

"Ha ha ha. A-ha ha ha. Mmm." Spike says, drunk.

Twilight laughs hysterically. Spike drops a glass.

"You have nice legs Twilight. Ha ha." Spike says drunkenly admiring Twilight's legs.

"You have nice pecs." Twilight says as she traces little circles on Spike's abs with her hooves.

"A-ha ha. I'm tired, I'm wasted, I love you darling!" spike says loudly.

"Come on, make love to me." Twilight says.

"Uhhh..." Spike says pondering.

"Come on, you owe me one." Twilight says trying to persuade Spike.

"I love you Twilight." Spike says as he walks closer to her.

"I love you Spike." Twilight says as she rips open his shirt.

They suck face, then another R&B love scene is shown.

Cut to the Golden Oak Library living room.

"So, I'm organizing the party for Spike's birthday. Can you come?" Twilight asked.

"When is it?" Ms. Sparkle asked.

"Next Friday at six. It's a surprise." Twilight said.

"Oh." Ms. Sparkle said.

"You can bring someone if you want." Twilight added.

"Well, sure, I can come. But I don't know if I'll bring anypony. Oh! That jerk Joe. He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me. He has no right. I'm not giving him a penny. Who does he think he is?" Ms. Sparkle said angrily.

"He's your brother!" twilight said angry at her mother's reluctance.

"He’s always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed, that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he’s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying." Ms. Sparkle said calmly.

"You're not dying mom." Twilight said with a roll of her eyes.

"I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer." Ms. Sparkle said nonchalantly.

"Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine. They're curing lots of ponies every day." Twilight said trying to reassure her mother.

"I’m sure I’ll be alright. Oh! I heard Filthy Rich is talking about me. He is a hateful pony. Oh, I’m so glad I divorced him." Ms. Sparkle said.

"Don't worry about it. You just concentrate on getting well." Twilight said smiling.

"Well at least you have a good dragon." Ms. Sparkle pointed out.

"You're wrong! Mom, he's not what you think he is. He didn't get the promotion. And he got drunk last night. And he hit me." Twilight cried out.

"Spike doesn't drink! What are you talking about?" Ms. Sparkle asked, getting very confused.

"He did last night. And I don't love him anymore." Twilight stated bluntly.

"Spike is your financial security. You can't afford to ignore this." Ms. Sparkle said worrying for her daughter.

"Yeah, okay mom. Can I just talk to you later?" Twilight said annoyed.

"You don't want to talk with me?" Ms. Sparkle said slightly hurt.

"I just got done talking to a client and I have to get ready to meet him. Can I talk to you later?" Twilight asked.

"Okay, I will see you later. Bye bye." Ms. Sparkle said then left the library.

Cut to an exterior shot of the Golden Oak Library.

Cut to a room. Bulk Biceps and Captain Spitfire enter nervously.

"How much time do we have?" Spitfire asked.

"Yeah!" Bulk Biceps shouted.

I'm gonna smash that Wonderbolt poon so hard! Bulk thought to himself.

"I mean, I dunno, uh a couple hours. At least." Bulk Biceps said nervously.

"Well, let's have some fun." Spitfire said.

Don't buck up, Don't buck up... Bulk Biceps told himself.

They sit on the floor and Bulk opens up a box of chocolates.

"Did you, uh, know that chocolate is the symbol of love?" Bulk Biceps said, still nervous.

Spitfire giggles a little.

"Feed me." She says.

Bulk Biceps puts a chocolate in Spitfire's mouth and sucks face with her. He puts a chocolate on her chest and eats it off her.

"Yum!" Spitfire exclaims.

"It's delicious!" Bulk Biceps says loudly.

"Hooves up!" Spitfire says as she takes off Bulk Biceps Wonderbolt uniform.

Spitfire puts a chocolate in Bulk Biceps mouth and sucks face with him. She starts to go down on him but before she can, Bulk makes the best and most hilarious orgasm faces known to all ponykind.

Bulk Biceps and Spitfire are startled when Twilight Sparkle and Twilight Velvet enter the room.

"Hello? What are these characters doing here?" Ms. Sparkle says not caring about the fourth wall at all.

"They like to come here to do their... homework." Twilight said making up a valid excuse.

"What homework?" Ms. Sparkle demanded.

"Mom, this is Spitfire coltfriend Bulk. Bulk, this is my mother." Twilight said introducing the two.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Bulk Biceps politely stated.

"Mm." Ms. Sparkle said in a disapproving tone.

"Uh-huh." Spitfire said.

Spitfire and Bulk Biceps leave the library.

Scootaloo appears.

"Hi Twilight." Scootaloo says happily.

"Hey Scootaloo. Scootaloo, this is my mom. Mom, this is Scootaloo." Twilight said getting the two acquainted.

"How come so many ponies come in and out of this library every day? This is worse than Sugarcube Corner!"

"I just need to borrow some sugar." Scootaloo said.

"Help yourself Scootaloo." Twilight said.

"I also need a cup of flour and half a stick of butter." Scootaloo added.

"Doesn't your home have a kitchen?" Ms. Sparkle questioned.

"I'll come back later." Scootaloo says then leaves.

"Tell me, what does Scootaloo do?" Ms. Sparkle asked curious.

"Spike wanted to adopt Scootaloo. It’s really a tragedy how many fillies and colts out there don’t have parents." Twilight said sounding sad.

"When Scootaloo turned eighteen, Spike built her a little room here in this library and he’s letting her keep it until she graduates from school." Twilight said, sounding sad.

"Spike really loves Scootaloo even though he doesn’t say it much. He’s like a father figure to her." Twilight said.

"I told you, mom, Spike is very caring about the ponies in his life. And he gave Scootaloo her own set of keys to our place." Twilight stated.

"Please don't hurt Spike. Now if you really don't love him, so be it, but you should tell him." Ms.Sparkle advised.

Bulk Biceps enters the scene.

"I forgot my, uh, book." He says looking around.

Ms.Sparkles holds up his underwear.

"What's this?" Ms.Sparkle asks confused.

Everypony laughs.

"That's nothing!" Bulk Biceps yells as he takes the underwear and flies away in embarrassment.

"Homework!" Ms. Sparkle shouts in disbelief.

Twilight laughs.

"Don't worry about it." Twilight says smiling.

"If I were a burglar, you would be my best friend." Ms. Sparkle scolds.

"I don't want to talk about it." Twilight says, avoiding the conversation.

"You know I worry about you. I have to go home." Ms. Sparkle said.

"Okay mom." Twilight says.

"Bye bye." Ms. Sparkle says before she leaves.

Ms. Sparkle leaves the library.

Cut to another shot of San Franciscolt.

Then cut to a roof where Scootaloo is dribbling a basketball.

Fancy Pants enters the scene.

"Hey Scootaloo." Fancy pants says.

"Fancy Pants, I've been looking for you." Scootaloo says trotting over to Fancy Pants.

"Yeah, sure you have. You have my money, right?" Fancy Pants asks.

"Yeah. It's coming. It'll be here in a few minutes." Scootaloo said, trying to stall for time.

"What do you mean it's coming, Scootaloo? Where's my money?" Fancy Pants says, starting to get angry.

"Okay, just give me five minutes. Just give me five!" Scootaloo shouts starting to panic.

"Five Minutes?! You want five bucking minutes, Scootaloo? You know what? I have got five bucking minutes!" Fancy Pants shouts and pulls out a battleaxe and places it near Scootaloo's neck.

"I'm going to ask you again, Scootaloo. Where's my money?" Fancy Pants asks rage creeping into his voice.

"I don't have anything!" Scootaloo shouts almost crying.

"Where's my money Scootaloo?! Where's my bucking money, Scootaloo? What'd you do with my bucking money?!!!" Fancy Pants shouts going all horse shit on Scootaloo.

"I swear to Celestia! It's coming!" Scootaloo yells crying.

"Where's my bucking money, Scootaloo?" Fancy Pants asks again, this time about to disconnect Scootaloo's head from her body.

"Put the battleaxe down!" Scootaloo shouts tears pouring out of her eyes.

Applejack and Spike appear.

"My bucking money! Where's my bucking money, Scootaloo?" Fancy Pants asks again.

Applejack and Spike grab Fancy Pants and disarm him. Twilight and Ms.Sparkle enter the scene.

"What's going on?" Twilight asks, a look of confusion on her face.

Applejack and Spike haul Fancy Pants away.

"Let's take him to the Royal Guard." Spike says as briefly exit the scene.

"Scootaloo are you okay? What did that stallion want from you?" Twilight questioned.

"Nothing." Scootaloo said, trying to hide it.

"Oh, that was not nothing!" Ms. Sparkle yelled out.

"Tell me everything!" Twilight says tears forming.

"You have no idea what kind of trouble you're in here, do you?" Ms.Sparkle says.

"I owe him some money." Scootaloo says.

"What kind of money?" Twilight asks.

"Everything is okay. He's gone!" Scootaloo said.

"Everything is not okay. Denny, that is a dangerous man!" Ms. Sparkle scolds.

"Calm down! He's going to jail!" Scootaloo shouts, crying.

"Scootaloo, what kind of money just tell me!" Twilight demands, trying to fight bear tears.

"What do you need the money for?" Ms. Sparkles asks.

"Mom, please, Scootaloo's with me and Spike!" Twilight shouts.

"A man like that, with a battleaxe! My Celestia!" Ms. Sparkle says with a look of horror on her face.

"Scootaloo, look me in the eyes and tell me the truth. We're your friends." Twilight says in a soothing trying to calm Scootaloo down.

"I brought some drugs off him. Things got mixed up. I didn't mean for this to happen." Scootaloo says looking remorseful.

Twilight sobs.

"Scootaloo..." She says a look of pain in her eyes.

"But I don't have them anymore." Scootaloo says.

"What kind of drugs?" Twilight asks.

"It doesn't matter, I don't have them anymore." Scootaloo says trying to end the conversation about her addiction.

" It doesn’t matter? How in the hell did you get involved with drugs? What are you, giving them to him, selling them to him? Where the hell did you meet that stallion?" Ms. Sparkles demands angrily.

"What kind of drugs did you take?!" Twilight asks in anger.

"It's nothing like that!" Scootaloo yells.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Twilight says angry.

"I just needed some money to pay off some stuff." Scootaloo explains.

"How much did you give him?" Twilight questions.

"This is not the way you make money!" Ms. Sparkle says scolding Scootaloo again.

"How much?!" Twilight demands, yelling at the top of her lungs.

"Stop ganging up on me!" Scootaloo yells back and starts crying.

"Well it is time somebody ganged up on you, for Celestia’s sake! A stallion like that! Where in the hell did you meet a stallion like that?" Ms.Sparkle asks.

"It doesn't matter!" Scootaloo yells.

"It matters a great deal! A stallion holds a battleaxe on you, you almost got killed, you expect me to forget that happened?" Ms. Sparkle asks in a rhetorical way.

"YOU'RE NOT MY BUCKING MOTHER!" Scootaloo shouts with rage.

"You listen to me, filly-" Ms. Sparkle begins.

"No!" Twilight interrupts.

"Somepony had better do something around here." Ms. Sparkles says with annoyance.

Twilight hugs and comforts Scootaloo.

"Are you okay Scootaloo?" Spike asks rushing over to them.

"I'm okay." Scootaloo confirms.

"Are you okay?" Spike asks again.

"I'm okay!" Scootaloo says, snapping at Spike.

Applejack suddenly appears behind Twilight and Ms. Sparkle.

"What's okay? He's taking drugs." Ms. Sparkle says, pointing out the obvious.

"Come on, it was a mistake." Applejack says trying to get the over drawn out scene to end.

"A mistake, that he takes drugs." Ms. Sparkle said in disbelief.

"Let's go home." Spike says.

"Come on, it's clear." Applejack says.

"What's clear? I'm going to call the Royal Guard." Ms. Sparkle says.

"Mom, stop, it was Scootaloo's mistake, just stop!" Twilight said, trying to get her mom to calm down.

"Let's go." Applejack says.

Applejack and Ms. Sparkle leave.

"Why do you do this? You know better right? Why?!" Spike questioned in shock.

"I'm sorry." Scootaloo said, lowering her head sadly.

"You know better, Scootaloo, you almost got killed." Spike said clearly disappointed.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I promise." Scootaloo said.

"Scootaloo, you know Spike's like your father. And we're your friends. We're going to help you." Twilight said offering support.

"Let's go home." Spike said.

Everypony exits the scene.

Cut to Applejack writing to Twilight.

"I miss you." Twilight writes.

"I just saw you! What are you talking about?" Applejack replies.

"I’m just wanting to hear your sexy voice. I keep thinking about your strong hooves around my body. It excites me so much. I love you." Twilight writes back.

"Is Spike there?" Applejack asks.

"He's in the shower." Twilight replies.

"I don't understand you. Why do you do things like this?" Applejack writes, confused.

"Because I love you. You just don't care, do you?" Twilight replied.

"I do care. But we agreed, it's over between us." Applejack wrote, trying to set a boundary line.

"I understand, it's our secret. But I still have feelings for you. You just don't care." Twilight replies.

"I do care!" Applejack says not wanting to go back to being just friends.

"I have to go now. I'll see you later, darling." Twilight writes, putting a heart at the end.

"Don't call me that." Applejack writes back drawing a frowny face.

"Okay bye." Twilight writes.

Cut to the balcony of the Golden Oak Library.

Spike enters the scene mid sentence.

"I did naht hit her! It's not true! It's BULLshit! I did naht hit hur! I did Nahhht!"

Spike throws a cup of tea to the ground.

"Oh hai Applejack." Spike says, his voice sounding like a redub of a foreign film .

Applejack holds a football.

"Oh hey Spike, what's up?" Applejack says greeting Spike.

"I have a problem with Twilight. She says that I hit her." Spike said.

"What? Well did you?" Applejack asks.

"No, it's not true! Don't even ask! What's new with you?" Spike asks, changing the subject.

"Well I’m just sitting up here thinking, you know? I got a question for you." Applejack says looking at Spike.

"Yeah." Spike says waiting.

"You think mares cheat like stallions do?" Applejack asks.

"What makes you say that?" Spike asked.

"I dunno, I dunno, I'm just, I'm just thinking." Applejack said.

"I don't have to worry about that because Twilight is loyal to me." Spike says smiling.

" Yeah man, you never know. Ponies are very strange these days. I used to know a mare, she had a dozen stallions. One of them found out about it, beat her up so bad she ended up in a hospital in Canterlot." Applejack said.

"Ha ha ha! What a story Applejack!" Spike said, sounding even weirder than before.

"Yeah, you can say that again." Applejack said.

"I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Twilight so much." Spike said, seeming sincere.

"Yeah... yeah you are very lucky." Applejack said, sounding somewhat distracted.

"Well maybe you should have a mare, Applejack." Spike said, a serious look in his eyes.

"Yeah man. Yeah, maybe you’re right. Maybe I have one already. I don’t know yet." Applejack said, lost in her own thoughts.

"Well, what happened? Remember Muffins? That's her name?"

"Muffins?" Applejack tried to clarify.

"Yeah." Spike confirmed.

"Yeah, we don’t see each other anymore. You know, she wasn’t any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments." Applejack said.

"That's too bad. My Twilight is great when I can get it." Spike said, trying to console his friend.

"Oh, man, I just can’t figure mares out. Sometimes they’re just too smart, sometimes they’re just flat-out stupid, other times they’re just evil." Applejack concluded.

"It seems to me like you're the expert, Applejack!" Spike said, putting a weird emphasis on Applejack's name.

"No. Definitely not an expert, Spike." Applejack said seeming a bit confused.

"What's bothering you, Applejack?" Spike asked, concerned for his friend.

"Nothing man." Applejack said, wanting to drop it.

"Do you, do you have some secrets? Why don't you tell me?" Spike said, getting curious.

"Forget it! Forget it dude!" Applejack said, getting uncomfortable.

"Is there some secret, tell me." Spike demanded.

"No, forget it, I'll talk to you later!" Applejack said, obviously hiding some big dark secret.

Applejack gives the football back to Spike and lefts.

"Well, whatever." Spike said, still confused.

Scootaloo enters the scene passing Spike.

"Hey Spike." Scootaloo said, a big smile on her face.

"Oh hi, Scootaloo." Spike half heatedly said.

"What's wrong with Applejack?" Scootaloo wondered.

"She's cranky today. ha ha ha. Mare trouble, I guess. What's new with you?" Spike inquired.

"Not much. Still going to the movie tonight?" Scootaloo asked.

"Sure, we are." Spike reassured.

"What kind of movie are we going to see?" Scootaloo asked, wondering what the big mystery film was.

"Well we'll see... Scootaloo, don't plan too much. It may not come out right." Spike said, giving very sagely advice.

"Alright. Let's toss the ball around." Scootaloo said, not wanting to think about it too much.

"Okay." Spike said.

They proceed to talk while playing catch.

"Gotta tell you about something." Scootaloo stated.

"Shoot, Scootaloo." Spike said as he waited.

"It's about Twilight." Scootaloo said.

"Go on." Spike said, persuading her to keep going.

"She's beautiful. She looks great in a red dress. I think I’m in love with her." Scootaloo bluntly stated.

"Go on." Spike said, clearly not fazed by Scootaloo's creepy bastard comments about his soon to be wife.

" I know she doesn’t like me because sometimes she’s mean to me, but sometimes when I’m around her, I feel like I want to kiss her and tell her I love her. I don’t know. I’m just confused." Scootaloo stated.

"Denny, don’t worry about that. Lisa loves you too. As a person, as a human being, as a friend. You know people don’t have to say it. They can feel it." Spike said, completely ignoring Scootaloo's creepy and horny ramblings.

"What do you mean?" Scootaloo asked, confused.

"You can love somepony deep inside your heart, and there is nothing wrong with it. If a lot of ponies loved each other, the world would be a better place to live." Spike said, passing down surprisingly good knowledge.

"Lisa's your future wife!" Scootaloo said, angry that her creepy and horny ramblings weren't affecting Spike.

"Scootaloo, don’t worry about it. You are part of our family, and we love you very much. And we will help you anytime. And Twilight loves you too. As a friend. You are sort of like her daughter." Spike said, still missing the point.

"You mean you're not upset with me?" Scootaloo asked, confused.

"No, because I trust you and I trust Twilight. What about Applebloom, hunh?" Spike asked.

"Well.. I love her." Scootaloo said, not able to make up her mind.

"M-hm." Spike said, nudging Scootaloo to keep going.

"When I graduate from college, get a good job, I want to marry her and have foals with her." Scootaloo said happily.

"That's the idea." Spike said.

"You're right. Thanks for paying for my tuition." Scootaloo said, grateful.

"You’re very welcome, Scootaloo, and keep in mind, if you have any problems, talk to me, and I will help you." Spike said.

"Awesome. Thanks, Spike." Scootaloo said smiling.

" Let’s go eat, hunh? Come on, let’s go. Let’s go. I’m starving." Spike said as he took Scootaloo out to eat.

Cut to the room, Spitfire and Twilight are talking.

"So , how's Spike?" Spitfire asked.

"He didn't get his promotion." Twilight stated.

"Is he disappointed?" Spitfire asked.

"Quite a bit. He got drunk last night. And he hit me." Twilight stated, lying.

"He hit you?!" Spitfire said in shock.

"He didn't know what he was doing." Twilight said her eyes getting dark.

"Are you okay?" Spitfire asked concerned.

"Well, I don't want to marry him anymore." Twilight said.

"What?!" Spitfire said, even more shocked than before.

"Spike's okay, but I've found somepony else." Twilight stated bluntly.

"Twilight! This isn't right. You're living with one stallion one night then sleeping with a dragon on another?!" Spitfire exclaimed.

"I'm doing what I want." Twilight said, not caring.

"Well who is he?" Spitfire questioned.

"His best friend. And she lives in a farm nearby."

" I can’t believe you’re telling me this. It’s Applejack, isn’t it? Twilight, you know, you’re just thinking about yourself. Somepony’s going to get hurt. You’ve got to be honest with Spike." Spitfire advised.

" I can’t do that. He would be devastated." Twilight said manipulatively.

"Well, if you care so much for him, why cheat on him?" Spitfire demanded.

" Look, I really don’t know what to do. I love Applejack. I don’t have any more feelings for Spike." Twilight said seemingly confused.

"Spike's so excited for this wedding." Spitfire said.

"I know." Twilight said.

"You've got to tell Spike." Spitfire said, almost pleading.

"No guilt trips." Twilight warned.

"You don't feel guilty about this at all." Spitfire said in realization.

"No, I'm happy." Twilight said smiling.

"Something awful is going to happen." Spitfire warned.

"Please don't tell anypony." Twilight begged.

Cut to a exterior shot of The Golden Oak Library. Spike is approaching. He picks up a newspaper.

Cut to the room.

"Don't worry. You can trust me. Your secret is safe with me." Spitfire promised.

Spike enters the room.

"Hi Spitfire. I heard you. What secret?" Spike asked, curious.

"It's between us mares." Twilight said, not want Spike to butt in.

"Hi Spike." Spitfire greets.

"Did you get a new uniform?" Spike asks.

" Um… well, I guess I better be going. I’ll just talk to you guys later?" Spitfire says trying to excuse herself.

"Excuse me." Twilight says.

"Twilight, remember what I told you." Spitfire says as she leaves.

"What's she talking about?" Spike wonders.

"It's mare talk. I just told you that." Twilight says.

"I never hit you. You shouldn't keep any secret from me. I'm your future husband." Spike says.

"You sure about that? Maybe I'll change my mind." Twilight said a evil smirk on her face.

"Don't talk like that. What do you mean?" Spike asked in a confused voice.

"What do you think? Mares change their minds all the time." Twilight states.

"A ha ha ha! You must be kidding, aren't you?" Spike says with a nervous laugh.

"Look, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to go upstairs, and wash up, and go to bed." Twilight says bored with the conversation.

Spike shoves her to the ground.

"How dare you talk to me like that! You should tell me everything!" Spike says, boiling with rage.

"I can't talk right now." Twilight says.

"Why Twilight, why twilight, please talk to me, please! You’re part of my life, you are everything, I could not go on without you, Twilight." Spike begs.

"You’re scaring me." Twilight says looking frightened.

"You’re lying, I never hit you. You're tearing me apart Twilight!" Spike yells in frustration.

"Why are you so hysterical?!" Twilight asks.

"Do you understand life? Do you?" Spike randomly asks.

Twilight gets up and heads upstairs.

"You drive me crazy." Spike says bitterly.

"Goodnight, Spike." Twilight says as she heads to bed.

"Don't worry about it. I still love you. Goodnight, Twilight." Spike says in shock or ignorance.

Cut to a alleyway where Bulk BIceps approaches Spike.

"Hey, what’s going on, man?" Bulk Biceps asks.

"Oh hi, Bulk, what’s new?" Spike greets.

"Um, actually, Spike, I got, I got a little bit of a tragedy on my hands, yeah. Me and Spitfire, we were, we were sucking face, uh, at your place…" Bulk Biceps states.

"A-ha-ha." Spike laughs.

"…and, uh, Twilight and Ms.Sparkle sort of, uh, walked in on us in the middle of it. That’s not the end of the story." Bulk says embarrassed.

"Go on, I’m listening." Spike encourages.

"Okay. We’re going at it, and um, I get out of there as fast as possible, you know, I get my pants, I get my shirt, and I get out of there. And then about halfway down the stairs, I realize that I have misplaced, I’ve forgotten something. Um, my underwear." Bulk Biceps says turning red.

They both chuckle.

"So I come back to get it, I pretend that I need a book, you know, I’m like looking for my book, and then I reach and put the underwear in my pocket, sort of slide out real quick. Well Ms. Sparkle, she saw it sticking out of my pocket, so she pulls it out, and she’s, uh, showing everybody me underwears." Bulk says.

"You must be kidding. Underwear, I got the picture." Spike says trying to stop any mental images from coming.

"Yeah, I dunno what…" Bulks says confused.

"That’s life." Spike states.

"Nah." Bulk says disagreeing with Spike's sagely advice.

"Yeah." Spike says.

Scootaloo enters the scene, with a football.

"Hey Spike! Hey Bulk!" Scootaloo says smiling.

"Oh hey, Scootaloo." Spike greets

"Do you want to play some football?" Scootaloo asks excited.

"I gotta go see Spitfire in a little bit to suck face with her." Bulk explained.

"Oh, pshhh, come on!" Scootaloo tries to encourage.

"Come on, it’s good for you, come on." Spike taunts.

"Alright, whatever, whatever." Bulk says

"Let’s go for it." Spike says giving the signal to begin.

"I’m going out." Bulk states not really wanting to play football.

Spike and Scootaloo proceed to toss the football around.

"Yeah, sorry you had to see that." Bulk says still embarrassed.

"I’m not sorry! Studying, right? I don’t study like that." Scootaloo says in disbelief.

"He doesn’t." Spike confirms.

Applejack enters the scene.

"Hey, Scootaloo, what’s up?" Applejack greets.

"Hey, what’s up, Applejack?" Scootaloo replies.

"Hi Applejack." Spike says.

"Catch it, come on, man." Scootaloo says trying to encourage Bulk.

"Not much." Bulk says drawing a line.

"He’s just telling us about an underwear issue he had." Scootaloo blurts out.

"No, don’t…" Bulk says about to die about embarrassment.

"Underwear? What’s that?" Applejack says not knowing about the human type undergarments.

"It’s embarrassing, man, I don’t want to get into it." Bulk says.

"Underwear? Man, come on…" Applejack says, thinking Bulk has gone soft.

Applejack then suddenly shoves Bulk into a trashcan.

"Oh, Celestia!" Bulk cries out as he falls.

"You okay? Are you okay?" Scootaloo asks, concerned.

"Yeah, I’m fine!" Bulk says getting right back up.

"Are you sure?" Scootaloo asks, still worried.

"Yeah, uh-huh." Bulk reassures.

"Do you need to see a doctor?" Scootaloo asks.

"No, no, I’m tough. I’m good, I’m alright, I’m fine." Bulk says getting a little annoyed.

"Applejack, why don’t you take him home? And Bulk, listen, if you need anything, call me anytime, alright? Are you alright?" Spike asks also
worried.

"Yeah." Bulk says looking fine.

"See you guys." Scootaloo says waving goodbye to them.

Applejack and Bulk exit the scene.

"Let’s go home, Scootaloo." Spike says.

Scootaloo and Spike leave with the football.

Cut to the room, which Ms.Sparkle and Twilight are entering.

"You look really tired today, mom. Are you feeling okay?" Twilight asks, concerned.

"I didn’t get much sleep last night." Ms.Sparkle states.

"Why not?" Twilight questions.

"You remember my friend Sweet Bites?" Ms. Sparkles asks.

"Uh-huh." Twilight says.

"She wants to buy a new house, and so I asked Spike if he could help her with the down payment. All he can tell me is it’s an awkward situation. I expected your husband to be a little more generous." Ms. Sparkle explains.

"He’s not my husband." Twilight says annoyed.

"I know, but Spike is part of our family." Ms. Sparkles says.

"Mom, I don’t love Spike anymore. I don’t even like him. I had sex with somepony else." Twilight admits.

"You can’t be serious." Ms. Sparkle says in disbelief.

We see that Spike is listening from the staircase.

"You don’t understand." Twilight says, upset.

"Who? Who is it?" Ms. Sparkle demands.

"I don’t want to talk about it." Twilight says trying to avoid it.

"You don’t want to talk about it. Then why did you bring it up in the first place?" Ms. Sparkles asks, very confused.

"I don’t know." Twilight says.

"You don’t know. If you think I’m tired today, wait till you see me tomorrow." Ms. Sparkle jokes.

"Are you coming to the party?" Twilight asks.

"Sure. I suppose so." Ms.Sparkle replies

They leave the library.

"How can they say this about me? I don’t believe it. I show them. I will record everything." Spike plans.

Spike descends the staircase and tediously installs a primitive tape recorder under the phone, then exits upstairs.

Cut to the room, where Spike and Soarin are talking.

"I don’t understand mares. Do you, Soarin?" Spike asked.

Soarin laughs.

"What stallion does? What’s the problem?" Soarin asked.

"They never say what they mean, and they always play games." Spike said.

"Okay… um… what do you mean?" Soarin asked, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"I have a serious problem with Twilight. Um, I don’t think she’s faithful to me. In fact I know she isn’t." Spike said getting angry.

"Twilight? Are you sure?" Soarin questioned.

"Yeah I’m sure, I overheard a conversation between Twilight and her mother. What should I do, Soarin?" Spike asked, confused.

"This is Twilight we’re talking about?" Soarin asked in disbelief.

"Yeah." Spike confirmed.

"I don’t know what to say." Soarin said, at a loss for words.

"But you’re a psychologist. Do you have some advice?" Spike asked.

"It’s a complicated situation, Spike. I mean you’re my friend. I don’t want to get between you and Twilight Look. If you want to, you should confront her." Soarin suggested.

"I can’t confront her! I want to give her a second chance, after all, she’s my future wife. You know what they say: “love is blind.” Spike said laughing his strange laugh.

"You’ve got a lot of faith in Twilight. Sometimes, life gets complicated. The unexpected can happen. When it does, you just gotta deal with it." Soarin explained.

A knock on the library door is heard.

"Did you hear the door?" Soarin asked.

"Yeah." Spike says as he answers the door.

"Oh hi, Applejack. Come in." Spike says inviting her in.

Applejack enters the library.

"Oh, hey, Spike. Hey Soarin!" Applejack greets them enthusiastically.

"We’re just talking about mares." Spike explained.

"Mares, man. Mares just confuse me. Ahhh. I have a girl. She’s married, I mean she’s very attractive, it’s driving me crazy." Applejack said, stressed out.

"Why didn’t you mention this before? Is it anyone I know?" Soarin inquired.

"Nah man, you don’t know her." Applejack assured.

"Can I meet her?" Spike asked, curious about who this mystery mare was.

"I don’t think so. It’s an awkward situation." Applejack said, trying to drop it.

"You mean she’s too old, or you think I will take her away from you? Hunh?" Spike teased.

Soarin laughs.

Applejack chuckles at this.

"No." She says.

"I have my own problems." Spike butts in.

"Tell me about your problems, Spike." Soarin says trying to get Spike to open up with his issues.

"Soarin, you always play psychologist with us!"

"Look, I’m just your friend, and I’m just worried about you." Soarin says, worried for Spike's sanity.

"Twilight is teasing me about whether we are going to get married or not. And we didn’t make love in a while. And I don’t know what to do." Spike says confused.

"You never really know. I mean, look, you should tell her about your feelings, okay? You shouldn’t hide them. You two have been together forever. You can work out anything as long as you talk about it." Soarin advises.

"Not always!" Spike states doubting the advice.

"Ponies are ponies. Sometimes they just can’t see their own faults." Soarin stated.

"Hey, I’m thinking of moving to a bigger place, man, I’m making some good money." Applejack announces.

"Look. You should tell her the truth. I mean you’re doing this for your mare, right?" Soarin asks.

"You’re right, Soarin. Ha ha. Is she getting a divorce, Appleajack?" Spike says teasingly.

"You guys are too much. Hey are you running, uh, Bay to Brohoofs this year?" Applejack asked.

"I am, sure." Spike said.

"I’m not doing it this year." Soarin say not wanting to get involved.

"Ha-ha-ha, chicken, Soarin, you’re just a little chicken! Cheep, cheep cheep cheep cheep chee-ee-ee-eep eeeeeeeeeeee!" Spike teased obnoxiously.

"Who are you calling a chicken? I just don’t like all the weirdos, there’s too many weirdos there." Soarin said, creeped out.

"I don’t mind. Applejack, do you remember the one with big milk silos, the blonde one?" Spike said.

"How about the one with the bridal gown with the sign?" Applejack said.

"Ha-ha yeah, “can you marry me?”, ha-ha, I thought I would take her up on it, ha-ha." Spike said laughing.

"I never ate so much." Applejack said rubbing her full belly.

"Yeah, the barbecue chicken was delicious, rice, that was cool." Spike said in agreement.

"You guys proved my point. You’re both weird. You guys want to play cards?" Soarin offered.

"No we can’t. I expect Twilight any minute." Spike explained.

"Hey come on, man, who’s the king of the house?" Applejack said, wanting for Spike to say that he was the king.
But he never did...

"Yeah, you’ve got to establish these guidelines before you get married. Speaking of, how’d you ever meet Twilight? You never told us." Soarin wondered.

"Well that’s a very interesting story, when I moved to San Franciscolt with two suitcases and I didn’t know anypony and I have, uh, I head to PMSA with a 2000 bit check which I could not cash."

"Why not?" Applejack asked confused as to why Spike couldn't.

"Well because it was an out of town bank. Anyway, uh, I was working as a buscolt in a hotel, and uh, uh, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her. That’s how we met." Spike said wrapping up the beautiful tale of how he and Twilight met.

"So, I mean, what’s the interesting part?" Applejack asked, getting bored.

"Well the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner." Spike said, causing shocked looks.

"What? No tips from your job?" Applejack asked in disbelief.

"Whatever. Do you guys want to eat something?" Spike offers.

Spike exits to the kitchen. Twilight enters.

"Hi guys. What’s going on?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, hey Twilight." Applejack said smiling.

"Hi Twilight." Soarin greeted.

Scootaloo magically appears behind Twilight, then proceeds to stare out the window for some reason.

"Where’s Spike?" Twilight asks.

"In the kitchen. I gotta go." Applejack says hurrying to leave.

"I didn’t mean to chase you off. You should stick around for a while." Twilight suggests.

"I gotta work early. See ya." Applejack says as she leaves the library.

Applejack exits the scene. Soarin also leaves.

Scootaloo crouches to the floor. Twilight also crouches to the floor.

"Did you get your wedding gown yet?" Scootaloo asks excited.

"No. I’ve got plenty of time." Twilight said, brushing it off like it's not a big deal.

"Are you sure you have plenty of time? It’s only a month away." Scootaloo says a worried look crossing her face.

"It’ll be fine. What are you so worried about? Everything’s okay." Twilight says, trying to reassure her with a big smile.

"Spike doesn’t seem very excited. Is there a problem?" Scootaloo asks, worried.

"There’s no problem. Why do you ask?" Twilight says trying to brush off the question.

"I just want you and Spike to be happy." Scootaloo says truthfully.

They both stand up.

"I am happy. Look, Scootaloo, I need to talk to Spike. Okay? I’ll see you later." Twilight says going off to see Spike.

"Okay. Tell him I said hello?" Scootaloo asks.

"Yeah." Twilight reassures.

Scootaloo leaves the library.

Cut to the library balcony. Soarin enters. Applejack is sitting on a chair, clad entirely in denim, smoking what might be a joint.

"Hey, Applejack. What’s up?" Soarin greets.

"Oh, hey Soarin." Applejack casually greets him back.

"It’s a good place to think up here, isn’t it?" Soarin muses.

"What, man, you want to put me on the clock?" Applejack asks a little paranoid.

"What the hay is that?" Soarin says examining the contents of what Applejack is smoking.

"You want some? It’s good, bro." Applejack offers.

"No, I don’t smoke that stuff." Soarin says, not giving in to peer pressure.

Applejack sighs and takes a drag.

"You look depressed." Soarin notices.

"I got this sick feeling in my stomach, man. I did something awful. I don’t think I can forgive myself." Applejack admits.

"Tell me about it." Soarin says pressing for information.

"I just feel like, like running. I’m killing myself. Something crazy like that." Applejack says looking high as hay.

"Why are you smoking that crap? It’s no wonder you can’t think straight. It’s gonna screw with your head." Soarin scolds.

"It’s none of your business, man. You think you know everything. You don’t know shit." Applejack says dropping some fire.

"Listen, who do you think you are? You’re acting like a kid. Just grow up." Soarin says dropping a bomb on AJ.

"Hey, who are you calling a kid? Buck you!" Applejack says getting pissed off.

"Just chill out, Applejack. I’m just trying to help. You’re having an affair with Twilight, aren’t you?" Soarin says as he starts to piece together the info.

"What?" Applejack says trying to deny it.

"Am I wrong?" Soarin taunts.

Applejack gets angry and ineffectively tries to push Applejack off the balcony.

"What are you, nuts? Gahhh!" Soarin says as he struggles to get Applejack off him.

Soarin manages to shove Applejack away.

"Sorry. Sorry man, you okay?" Applejack says apologizing.

"Yeah, I’m fine. Let’s just talk about your problem." Soarin says, just wanting to get it over with.

"You’re sure you’re okay?" Applejack asks, concerned.

"Yeah." Soarin says reassuring her.

Applejack kicks over a chair and a table.

"Goddammit man, buck. Why do you want to know my secret, man? Well you’re right! It’s Twilight. I don’t know what to do, man. I’m so depressed. It’s all her fault, she’s such a manipulative bitch!" Applejack shouts in frustration.

"How the hell did you let this happen?" Soarin asked, confused as to how Applejack let it get this bad.

"Buck!" Applejack yelled, letting out some of her pent up anger.

"You know this is going to ruin your friendship with Spike? What were you thinking? Alright, you want my advice? Sometimes, life can get complicated, and you’ve got to be responsible. So you don’t see Twilight again, and you definitely don’t sleep with her again! Just find yourself another mare. She’s a sociopath! She only cares about herself. She can’t love anyone." Soarin stated bluntly.

"Whatever, dude. Come on." Applejack said lazily as they left the library.

They exit the scene together.

Cut to the room, where Spike is wearing a tuxedo and talking on the phone.

"Oh, thank you. Yeah, thanks a lot." Spike says thanking the other person on the line.

Scootaloo enters, wearing a tux and carrying a football.

"Oh, hi Scootaloo. Nice tux, you look great." Spikes says complimenting Scootaloo.

"You look really handsome." Scootaloo politely says.

"A-ha-ha." Spike laughs his bizarre laugh once again.

"Your wedding picture’s gonna look great." Scootaloo assures.

"Oh, thanks." Spike says smiling.

A knock is heard. Scootaloo answers it. Soarin enters, wearing a tux.

"Oh hey, Soarin, come on in." Scootaloo says inviting Soarin in.

"Hey guys." Soarin says greeting them with a excited smile.

"Oh hey, Soarin." Spike casually greets.

"You look good too." Scootaloo says, complimenting Soarin.

"Sit down." Spike says, offering Soarin a seat.

Another knock is heard. Scootaloo answers it. Applejack enters, clean-shaven and wearing a tux.

"Whoa." Scootaloo says, amazed at how beautiful Applejack looked.

"Wowwwwww." Spike says in awe, impressed with Applejack's new look.

"Hey guys. You like it?" Applejack asks, showing off.

"Yeah!" Soarin says in amazement as well.

"You look great. You look a babyface." Spike says complimenting Applejack.

"You guys want to play some football?" Scootaloo asks.

"In tuxes? No, you gotta be kidding." Soarin says in disbelief.

"Come on, Applejack, let’s do it." Scootaloo says, trying to start a game of catch.

"I’m up for it." Applejack says smiling.

"A-ha." Spike laughs.

"Spike?" Scootaloo asks.

"Ask Soarin." Spike replies.

"Come on, Soarin." Scootaloo says encouragingly.

"Nah, I don’t think so." Soarin says curtly.

"Please?" Scootaloo begs, her purple eyes growing wide.

"No." Soarin flatly states.

"Come on! Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep!" Scootaloo taunts.

Applejack and Spike join in on the taunting.

Cut to the alley, where Spike, Applejack, Soarin, and Scootaloo are throwing around the football in tuxedos.

"Catch, Spike! Alright, Soarin! Here we go, Applejack!" Scootaloo says tossing the football around.

"Come on! Come on! Come on!" Applejack says throwing the football faster and faster mimicking a game of hot potato.

"Catch, Applejack!" Scootaloo says as she tosses the football to Applejack.

She catches it with ease.

"Go! Go deep!" Applejack says as she tosses the football a long distance for Soarin to catch.

Soarin tries to go deep, but instead trips and falls.

"Gee Soarin, you’re clumsy." Scootaloo points out.

"Alright, that’s it, I’m done. Great idea, Scootaloo." Soarin says, not wanting to play anymore.

Everypony helps Soarin up and exits the scene.

Cut to an exterior street shot in San Franciscolt.

Cut to the fountain by the Exponytorium, where Spike is out walking.

Cut to Sugarcube Corner.

"Are you sure?"Pinkie asks, confirming their orders.

"I wanna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water." One green unicorn said.

"Um, I’ll have a large peanut butter cup with extra whipped cream, please?" A red earth pony asked.

"Alright." Mr. Cake said.

"And I’ll take a cheesecake and a coffee." A brown unicorn said.

"Okay, why don’t you guys have a seat? We’ll have that right out for you." Ms. Cake said, getting their orders ready.

"Hi, how you doing? What would you like?" Pinkie says, greeting two new customers who just trotted in.

"Can I get a bagel with a [inaudible]?" One orange unicorn said.

"Sure!" Pinkie chirped. writing down her order.

"I’m gonna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water." Another unicorn ordered.

"Yeah, sounds good. Why don’t you guys have a seat, we’ll have that right out for you." A pony barista said.

Spike and Applejack enter the bakery.

"Oh hi, Pinkie." Spikes says greeting Pinkie with a smile.

"Well, hi Spike! How are you? Good to see you. What would you like?" Pinkie said quickly.

"Hot chocolate, please." Spike said placing his order.

"What size?" A pony barista asked.

"Medium." Spike replied.

"Sure." The pony barista said, writing down his order.

"How about you?" Pinkie asked, smiling at Applejack.

"I’ll have the mint tea." Applejack said.

"Medium also?" The pony barista asked.

"Yeah." Applejack said, placing her order.

"Go sit down, we’ll be right there!" Pinkie said in a bubbly voice as she rushed off to make the orders.

Spike and Applejack sit down.

"Celestia, I’m so tired of mares’ games." Applejack said with a stressed out sigh.

"What happened now, Applejack?" Spike asked, concerned for his friend.

"Relationships never work, man, I don’t know why I waste my time." Applejack said frustrated.

"What makes you say that?" Spike said, confused.

"It’s not that easy, Spike." Applejack stated.

"Well, you should be happy, Spike." Spike said, trying to console his friend.

"Yeah, I know. Life is too short." Applejack said with realization.

Pinkie brings the drinks.

"Oh, thank you so much." Spike says thanking Pinkie for the drinks.

"You’re welcome! How about something like cheesecake?" Pinkie offers.

"Nah." Spike said, declining her offer.

"Alrighty!" Pinkie said as she went back to the counter to help other customers.

"How was work today?" Applejack asked.

"Oh, pretty good. We got a new client at the royal library, we make a lot of money." Spike said smiling.

"What client?" Applejack asked, her green eyes shining with curiosity.

"I cannot tell you, it’s confidential." Spike said, trying to keep a secret.

"Aw, come on, why not?" Applejack whined.

"No I can’t." Spike stated firmly.

"Anyway, how is your sex life?" He suddenly asked.

"I can’t talk about it." Applejack said in a low voice.

"Why not?" Spike asked, confused as to why Applejack couldn't talk about her sex life in public casually.

"Take your time." Pinkie said to a customer who was having trouble deciding what to order.

"Oh god, I have to run." Applejack said, realizing she was late.

"Already?" Spike asked in awe.

It was only noon after all.

"Yeah, I’m sorry." Spike said, unable to pay for the drinks.

"Alright, it’s on me. By the way, do you want to go jogging? Golden Gallop Park?" Applejack offered.

"Yeah, sure, what time?" Spike asked.

"Golden Gallop Park, 6:30." Applejack said, setting up the time.

"Right on, yeah." Spike said in agreement.

"Alright, see ya." Applejack says as she leaves Sugarcube Corner.

"Okey-dokey, Applejack." Spike says as he finishes off his drink.

Spike exits the scene.

Cut to the bedroom. Twilight and Applejack enter.

"What’s going on here?" Applejack asks, still confused as all hell.

"I like you very much, Applejack." Twilight says in a low seductive voice.

"Look, come on. Spike’s my best friend." Applejack says, seemingly refusing her.

"Just one more time." Twilight says.

The fourth sideways tango scene played, along with some terrible R&B.

Cut to another tracking shot of the Golden Gummy Bridge.

Cut to a carriage parked in Golden Gate Park. Spike exits to find Applejack.

"Hey." Spike greets.

"Hey Spike, how’s it going?" Applejack asks.

"Good." Spike said smiling.

They run side by side tossing the football in the park. There’s barely audible and completely uninteresting dialogue. They say “what’s new with
you” a lot. Spike wrestles Applejack to the ground.

Cut to a shot of the San Francisco skyline.

Cut to the room, where Twilight is sweeping. The doorbell rings.

"Who is it?" Twilight asks.

"Delivery mare! It’s me, Twilight, come on, open up." Applejack says.

"Come on in." Twilight says, inviting Applejack in.

Applejack enters.

"Hey Applejack." Twilight greets.

"Wow, so, uh, you gonna be ready?" Applejack asks.

"How do you mean that? I’m always ready. For you." Twilight says licking her lips.

"I mean for the party." Applejack clarifies.

"We have plenty of time. All I have to do is put on my party dress." Twilight says.

Twilight drops the broom and saunters over to Applejack.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Applejack asks in confusion.

"Nothing." Twilight says a innocent look in her eyes.

She rubs Applejack's chest with her hooves.

"You’re so beautiful." Applejack says, giving in to Twilight's advances again.

They start sucking face. Somepony knocks on the door. They bolt upright and start putting their clothes back on.

"Hurry up, I have to open the door." Twilight says.

"Wait! Hang on." Applejack says.

Twilight puts her dress back on but Applejack is still fumbling around with her hat.

"Come on in, it’s open!" Twilight shouts.

Spitfire enters in time to see Applejack fumble around with her hat for a bit.

"Hi! I brought the stuff." Spitfire says, excited.

"I knew I could count on you." Twilight says smiling.

"Hi Applejack. XYZ." Spitfire says trying not to giggle.

"What are you talking about?" Applejack says then notices that there is a large hole in her hat.

"Examine your hat!" Spitfire yells.

Everypony giggles.

"You guys are too much. So, uh, what can I do to help?" Spitfire asks.

Everypony laughs some more.

"I gotta go." Applejack says as she leaves to patch up the hole in her hat.

She leaves the library.

Spitfire and Twilight are still laughing.

"Want to help me move the coffee table?" Twilight asks.

"Okay. What was he doing here?" Spitfire asks, referring to Applejack.

"Uh, he just brought by some takeout." Twilight lies.

"What about her hat?" Spitfire asks innocently.

"What about her hat?" Twilight asks, rather defensively.

They move the coffee table.

"Leave her alone, she's a good mare." Twilight says.

"Did you tell Spike yet?" Spitfire asks.

"No. Spike's her best friend." Twilight says dodging the question.

"Tricky tricky." Spitfire scolds.

"You know, I really loved Spike at first. Everything’s changed. I need more from life than what Spike can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide
open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all." Twilight explains, clearly delusional.

"You think you can get it all from Applejack?" Spitfire asks in disbelief.

"If he can’t give me what I want, somebody else will." Twilight said evilly.

"Twilight, you’re sounding just like your mother. You’re being so manipulative." Spitfire says, worrying for her best friend.

"So what? You can learn something from me. You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live. Don’t worry about me. I have
everything covered." Twilight says, a crazy look in her eyes.

"Your point of view is so different from mine." Spitfire says.

"Look. I don’t want to talk about it. Ponies are going to be getting here soon and we have to finish." Twilight says as she hurries to finish prepare for the wedding

"Twilight!" Spitfire yells out in disbelief.

"I don’t see what the big deal is. Doesn’t everypony look out for number one? Don’t I deserve the best?" Twilight asked, being manipulative.

"I couldn’t do that. You’re too much for me, Twilight." Spitfire said, clearly tired of Twilight's delusions.

"You know, you’re not such an angel yourself." Twilight said, taking a jab at Spitfire.

"Yeah, but we’re not talking about me, are we?" Spitfire says, dodging the insult.

Spitfire attacks Twilight with a pillow. A strange pillow vs broom fight ensues.

"Stop it! Are you trying to ruin my party?" Twilight says laughing.

Cut to a tracking shot of the Golden Gummy Bridge.

Cut to Spike and Applejack running in the woods and muttering at each other.

"Yeah, that’s the idea." Spike said as he tried to catch up to Applejack.

"Catch me, come on." Applejack encouraged as she ran ahead.

Cut to a shot of a staircase in San Franciscolt, which Spike and Applejack are running up.

"Yeah I’m looking for some offers in Sausalicolt. How are the [inaudible] like these days?" Applejack asks worried.

"Pretty good, yeah, you’d be qualified." Spike assures.

"You serious?" Applejack says in happy disbelief.

"Yeah, I’m sure." Spike reassures.

"Well when can we meet about that?" Applejack asks.

"Well, we can talk about this tomorrow." Spike says.

"Tomorrow?" Applejack asks.

"Yeah." Spike says setting the day of the meeting.

"Maybe late afternoon?" Applejack suggests.

"Absolutely. Three o’clock?" Spike suggests.

"Really? Wow, that’s great." Applejack says in agreement.

Cut to Spike’s carriage pulling onto a street and parking in front of the Golden Oak Library. Spike and Applejack exit the carriage.

Cut to the room, where Twilight is sitting as Spike enters.

"Bye, Twilight." Spike says as he kisses her on the cheek.

Spike opens the door to leave and Ms.Sparkle enters.

"Oh hi, Ms.Sparkle. Bye!" Spike says as he leaves.

"Bye!" Ms. Sparkle says.

Spike exits the scene.

"Hello mom, how are you?" Twilight says, greeting her mother with a smile.

"I’m okay, how are you?" Ms. Sparkle says as she sits down.

"I’m fixing the library for Spike’s birthday, but I’m really not into it." Twilight says sounding bored.

"Oh, why not?" Ms.Sparkle asks, concerned.

"Because I’m in love with Applejack, not Spike. And here I am, planning his party." Twilight states bluntly.

"It’s not right, Twilight. I still think you should marry Spike. Now you can’t live on love. You need financial security." Ms. Sparkle says.

"But I’m not happy! He still thinks I’m gonna marry him next month. He’s a fool." Twilight says frustrated.

"You expect to be happy. I haven’t been happy since I married my first husband. I didn’t even want to marry your father." Ms.Sparkle says.

"You never told me that!" Twilight says in shock.

"Well it’s true. All stallions are flankholes. Stallions and mares use and abuse each other all the time, there’s nothing wrong with it. Marriage
has nothing to do with love." Ms. Sparkle said bitterly.

"Spike’s okay, I suppose. Actually, I have him wrapped around my little finger." Twilight said.

"Well, you should be happy then." Ms. Sparkle concluded.

"But I don’t love him!" Twilight yelled out, frustrated by her mother's pushiness.

"Don’t throw your life away just because you don’t love him! That’s ridiculous! You need to grow up. And you need to listen to me." Ms. Sparkle scolds.

"Okay, mom, I’ll see you at the party. I just need to be alone right now." Twilight said, thinking about what to do.

"Bye bye, my precious." Ms.Sparkle says.

Ms. Sparkle leaves the library.

Cut to the Disneigh store, where Spike is walking.

Cut to a dark room. Spike enters and turns on the lights to find the whole cast.

"Surprise!" Everypony yells.

They all sing Happy Birthday while Spike says things like “wow”, “okay”, and “thank you."

Spike toasts with everypony amid various celebratory mumblings. He offers Scootaloo a drink, which Scootaloo says she’ll accept later.

Cut to panning shot of the nighttime San Franciscolt skyline.

Cut to the party, where various characters and non-characters are engaged in fake conversations. Spike and Ms.Sparkle are discussing something.

Twilight is flirting with Tirek, a character we’ve never seen before who is actually a last-minute replacement for Soarin.

Applejack is watching them.

Twilight and Applejack exchange flirty looks. Spike seems concerned.

Bulk and Spitfire are flirting with another couple.

Spitfire and Bulk start feeding each other cake.

"Hey everypony, let’s go outside for some fresh air." Twilight announces.

Everypony exits except for Twilight and Applejack.

"Wait. I have something I want to show you." Twilight says.

"Oh, really?" Applejack asks, her curiosity peaked.

They get on the couch, and Twilight drapes her forelegs across Applejack’s lap.

"So, uh, what do you want to show me?" Applejack asks.

"It’s a surprise." Twilight teases.

They start sucking face.

"What are you doing? I mean, are you crazy? Everypony’s here!" Applejack says in shock.

"No they’re not. They’re all outside." Twilight says with a evil smirk.

"You devil. You planned this all along." Applejack says with an angry look.

They make out some more. Sombra enters.

"What’s going on here?" The dark king demands.

They bolt upright.

"Why are you doing this?" Sombra asks, in confusion.

"I love her." Twilight says.

"I don’t believe it." Sombra says in wide eyed disbelief.

"You don’t understand anything, man. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!" Applejack yells out.

Applejack exits the scene.

"But... I don't have pockets." Sombra said in confusion.

He shakes his head vigorously, refocusing on the issue at hoof.

"Do you understand what you’re doing? You’re going to destroy Spike. He’s very sensitive." Sombra scolds.

"I don’t care. I’m in love with Applejack." Twilight says not giving a buck.

"How can you do this? You make me sick." Sombra says as he trots away from Twilight in disgust.

Spike and Spitfire enter the scene.

"Thank you, honey. This is a beautiful party. You invited all my friends. Good thinking!" Spike says with a goofy smile.

"You’re welcome, darling. You know how much I love you." Twilight says faking a smile.

"I do. Ha-ha-ha." Spike said, laughing his strange laugh once again.

"You know, it’s getting really hot in here. Why don’t we go back outside?" Twilight suggests.

"Mhm. A-ha-ha." Spike says in agreement.

Everypony exits.

Cut to a shot of a busy street at night.

Cut to the party on the roof. Spike waves at someone below him and off-camera.

"Hey everypony! I have an announcement to make. We’re expecting!" Spike announces, happiness pouring out of his voice.

Everypony congratulates Spike. Spitfire and Sombra confront Twilight.

"Twilight, I have to talk to you. You have got to be honest with Spike." Spitfire says.

"I agree with that." Sombra says nodding.

"Look, I’m gonna tell him, okay? I just, I don’t want to ruin his birthday." Twilight says.

"When is the baby due?" Sombra asks out of curiosity.

"There is no baby." Twilight says.

"What?!" Sombra and Spitfire yell out in shock.

"What are you talking about?" Sombra asks.

"I told him that to make it interesting. We’re probably going to have a baby eventually anyway. You’re not going to tell Spike, are you?" Twilight says pleading.

"Twilight, are you feeling okay? Because this is just getting worse and worse." Spitfire warned.

"I feel like I’m sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off." Sombra said.

"Me too. There’s no simple solution to this." Spitfire concluded.

"Don’t worry. You guys worry entirely too much about me." Twilight said brushing them off.

"Twilight, we’re not worried about you. We’re worried about Spike. You don’t understand the psychological impact of what you’re doing here. You’re hurting yourself. You’re hurting our friendship." Spitfire scolded.

"I am not responsible for Spike. I’m through with that. I’m changing. I have the right, don’t I? Ponies are changing all the time. I have to think about my future. What’s it to you?" Twilight said, getting defensive.

"This is going to pull us all down. It’s going to shake up our group of friends. It’s going to destroy our friendship, Twilight. I don’t think Spike really loves you." Sombra said, not holding back.

"I don’t want to talk about it!" Twilight yelled out in anger.

"Twilight, you’re going to have to face it. I for one am going to have a hard time forgiving you if you don’t." Spitfire said, her eyes hardening.

"Hey everypony! Let’s go inside and eat some cake." Twilight announced happily.

Everypony exits enthusiastically. Spitfire looks pained.

"I don’t understand you, Twilight." Spitfire said, disappointed in her friend.

Cut to some random building at night.

Cut to the party, where a random couple is eating cake.

"Twilight looks hot tonight." A random pony commented.

Spike and Ms.Sparkle are chatting.

Applejack and Twilight are arguing.

"Whose baby is it? Is it mine?" Applejack said, dreading that she got Twilight pregnant.

"No, of course not." Twilight said, trying to reassure her.

"How can you be sure? Come on, Twilight." Applejack said, pressing her for more information.

"Stop asking me stupid questions!" Twilight yelled out, clearly frustrated with Applejack.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Applejack asks, angry.

"Just shut up!" Twilight shouts back in rage.

She slaps her.

"What are you doing? What’s going on here?" Spike asks seemingly confused.

"You really don’t know, do you?" Applejack said in disbelief as to how a dragon could be so oblivious.

"Maybe I know more than you think I do, Applejack!" Spike says in anger as he shoves her.

"Shit, alright?" Applejack says.

"What do you want from me, huh?" Spike says, shoving Applejack into a table.

Applejack attacks Spike.

Sombra, Twilight, and the rest of the cast pull them apart.

"Stop it!" Twilight shouts.

"Alright, alright. Okay, folks, everything is fine. Fight is over, folks. I’m sorry, Applejack." Spike says apologizing to Applejack.

They shake on it.

"Yeah, me too." Applejack says apparently forgiving Spike.

"Twilight, can, can you clean up here, please?" Spike asks.

Cut to the skyline at night.

Cut to the party, where Applejack and Twilight are dancing. Spike confronts them

"What are you doing?" Spike demands.

"None of your business." Twilight says trying to ignore Spike.

"You’re my future wife. What are you doing, Twilight?!" Spike asks her in anger.

"Leave her alone, man, she doesn’t want to talk to you." Applejack says trying to get Spike to go away.

"Since when do you give me orders?" Spike said, attacking Applejack.

"Since Twilight changed her mind about you. Wake up, man, what planet are you on?" Applejack taunts.

"I think you should leave right now, Applejack." Spike says coldly.

"Don’t spoil it, we were just having fun." Twilight says.

"Don’t worry about it, man." Applejack says as she puts a hoof on Spike's shoulder.

"Don’t touch me, motherbucker! Get out!" Spike yells.

Applejack and Spike fight.

"Stop it! Stop it! You two are acting like foals." Twilight says trying to get them to stopping fighting.

"Son of a donkey!" Applejack says as they continue fighting.

"You’re going to ruin the party." Twilight says.

"If you’d keep your mare satisfied, she wouldn’t come to me!" Applejack taunts

"Get out of my house! I kill you, I [gibberish]!" Spike says as he grapples with Applejack.

"Stop it!" Twilight screams.

"I kill you, you bastard." Spike says with determination.

"You couldn’t kill me if you tried." Applejack said in a mocking tone.

And she was right. Spike couldn't kill Applejack. I mean... the dragon's like three feet tall! And Applejack can cause trees to shake with her kicks. So what chance did Spike stand against her?

"You betrayed me, you’re not good, you’re just a chicken, cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep." Spike said, making chicken noises.

They fight some more.

"Shut up!" Spike says.

"It’s over! It’s over!" Sombra says trying to calm everypony down.

"It’s not over! Everypony betray me! I fed up with this world!" Spike yelled.

Spike goes upstairs.

Get ready for some flashbacks later.

Cut to a shot of the Disneigh store at night.

Cut to Ms.Sparkle entering the bedroom to find Twilight.

"I cleaned up the kitchen, sweetheart, so you don’t have to worry about that." Ms. Sparkle says sweetly.

"He still won’t come out of the bathroom." Twilight says.

"Sweetheart, he’s upset. Now Johnny is a sensible man. He will come out, you will discuss this, everything is going to be okay." Ms. Sparkle reassures.

"I just think I should be alone with him right now." Twilight said in a low voice.

"I understand, sweetheart. I’m going to go home now. Bye bye. You can call me if you need me." Ms.Sparkles says as she prepares to leave.

"I will. Thanks, mom." Twilight says, waving goodbye to her mother.

Ms. Sparkle exits downstairs. Twilight tries to open the bathroom door, but it’s locked.

"You can come out now, Spike. She’s gone." Twilight announced.

"In a few minutes, whorse." Spike says still angry.

"Who are you calling a whorse?" Twilight asks offended.

"You and your stupid mother." Spike says as he drops some fire.

Twilight picks up the phone and calls Applejack.

"Hello?" Applejack says.

Lisa: Hi, Applejack? I need to talk to you.

"What’s going on?"Applejack asks.

"Don’t worry about Spike, he’s just being a big baby. You know, I love you very much." Twilight says.

We see Spike is straining to hear this through the bathroom door.

"I love you." Twilight says.

"Why don’t you ditch this creep? I don’t like him anymore." Applejack says honestly.

"I know. He’s not worth it. Why don’t I come up there and be with you?" Twilight suggests.

"Sure baby, come on up. I want your purple booty." Applejack says

"You got it. I’m on my way. Bye." Twilight says as she ends the call.

"Bye." Applejack says as she hangs up.

Spike enters the bedroom.

"Who were you talking to?" Spike asks.

"Nobody." Twilight lies.

"We’ll see about that." Spike says.

Spike retrieves the tape from the recorder.

He plays the tape.

"Hello?" Applejack says.

"Hi, Mark? I need to talk to you." Twilight says.

"What’s going on?" Applejack asks.

"Don’t worry about Spike, he’s just being a big baby. You know, I love you very much. You’re the sparkle of my life. I can’t live without you. I
love you." Twilight says lovingly.

The recorder must be broken... that's wasn't what we heard earlier.

*Goes back to original scene*

Nope...

"You little tramp. How could you do this to me?! I gave you seven years of my life! And you betray me. Let’s see what else we have on this tape." Spike says furious.

"No. Stop. You little prick. I put up with you for seven years. You think you’re an angel. You’re just like everypony else." Twilight says the venom
dripping from her voice.

"I treat you like a princess, and you stab me in the back. I love you, and I did anything for you to just please you, and now you betray me! How could you love her?!" Spike asks in a confused rage.

The recording is played again.

"Why don’t you ditch this creep? I don’t like him anymore." Applejack says with disgust.

"I know, he’s not worth it. Why don’t I come up there and be with you?" Twilight suggests.

"Sure baby, come on up. I want your purple booty." Applejack said getting moist at the very thought of smashing that purple booty.

"You got it." Twilight says happily.

"Aughhhhhhhh!!!" Spike yells out in a rage.

He hurls the tape player against the wall.

Everypony betray me. I don’t have a friend in the world.

"I’m leaving you, Spike." Twilight says then trots away from him.

Twilight exits downstairs.

"Get out, get out, get out of my life! Agh!" Spike yells out in a blind rage.

Spike collapses on the bed.

Cut to Spike descending the stairs into the room.

"Haughhhh-augh! Why, Twilight, why, why?!" Spike cries out in a confused rage.

Flashback of Twilight laughing with Spike’s tie around her head.

Flashback of Twilight and Spike kissing.

Flashback of Twilight and Spike doing the dirty dance.

"You whorse!" Spike cries out in rage.

Spike knocks over a bowl of fake fruit, some furniture, and everything on the mantle. He picks up the TV and hurls it out the window.

"You whorse! You whorse!" Spike repeats still furious.

Cut to Spike re-entering the bedroom, howling incomprehensibly. He knocks stuff off the dresser, pulls out all the drawers, and shoves it over.

He pulls all the sheets off the bed. He flings himself on the bed.

Flashback to Spike and Twilight doing the sideways tango.

Spike knocks over some more stuff and shatters a mirror. He sits on the floor and picks up Lisa’s red dress.

Flashback to Twilight trying on the dress.

Spike dry-humps the dress amid flashbacks of bucking Twilight when she was wearing it.

"You tramp!" Spike screams.

He tears the dress up.

Flashback to Twilight and Applejack dancing.

Flashback to Twilight saying “I put up with you”

Spike picks up a box and opens it to reveal a handgun.

"Why? Why is this happening to me? Why?! It’s over. Celestia, forgive me." Spike says.

Flashback to Twilight saying “Everything will be alright.”

Spike puts the gun in his mouth.

Flashback to Twilight saying “Goodbye, Spike.”

Spike fires the gun and falls backward in slow motion.

Fade to black.

Cut to Applejack and Twilight dashing into the bedroom to find Spike’s bloody corpse.

"Wake up, Spike, come on!" Applejack says shaking spike's blood stained corpse vigorously.

Spike is clearly dead and blood is everywhere.

"Is he dead?" Twilight then sobs.

"Dear sweet Celestia, Applejack, is he dead?" Twilight said, earning the most oblivious pony of all equestria award.

"Yes, he’s dead. Yes he’s dead!" Applejack yells out in anger.

"Oh sweet Celestia..." Twilight says continuing to sob.

Applejack slowly kisses Spike’s forehead.

"Oh Celestia." Twilight cries out in anguish.

Applejack and Twilight embrace.

"I’ve lost him, but I still have you, right? Right?" Twilight says.

"You don’t have me. You’ll never have me. You killed him." Applejack says coldly.

"Applejack, we’re free to be together. I love you. I love you!" Twilight says still crying.

"Tramp! You killed him. You’re the cause of all of this. I don’t love you. Get out of my life, you bitch!" Applejack yells, the force of one thousand
suns in her voice.

Scootaloo enters.

"What’s happening?!" Scootaloo asks, surprised.

"Spike’s dead!" Applejack cries out.

"Wake up, Spike, please, please! It’s not right! It’s not right!" Scootaloo says as she sobs.

"Scootaloo, he’s in a better place." Twilight says trying to comfort her.

"Leave us! Both of you leave." Scootaloo demands.

"As far as I’m concerned, you can drop off the earth. That’s a promise." Applejack says to Twilight.

"Just leave! Both of you!" Scootaloo yells out angrily.

"Leave her, alright! Let her be with him!" Applejack says as he and Twilight get up to leave.

"Why, Spike? Why? Spike, why? Why?" Scootaloo says as she continues to sob loudly.

Scootaloo sobs. Applejack and Twilight, who were in the process of leaving, rejoin Scootaloo and comfort her. We hear royal guard stomping
up the stairs.

The three of them appear to take turns fellating Spike’s corpse as we hear royal guards talking in the background.

Fade to black and roll credits.

"I'm not paying for that..." A pony moviehopper says as he ninjas his way out of the theatre.

The audience sit there in shocked silence for a few minutes.

Then they all threw their popcorn at the screen booing and hissing.

A lot of refunds were requested that day...

The End.