I reckon I've lived longer than I was supposed to.
Longer than I would've liked, anyhow.
Longer than the rest.
I guess I'm a fool for wishing like this, but sometimes I wonder if things could've been different. Maybe if we'd seen the signs for what they were, then maybe I wouldn't be so lonely.
Some ponies say "War is hell". If that's what war is, then I haven't a clue what this was. War has a winner and a loser. Here, nobody won. We... well, I, lost. I lost so much. I lost so many. I lost everything.
They? They lost, cuz I'm still here, and they're all gone now too.
I guess that's why I keep on going, just to spite them.
We shoulda known. We really shoulda known.
It started with the changelings. I think. Maybe there were others first. After Twilight's brother got married, there was a whole bunch of hunting for them, to see who was and who wasn't one. A bunch got caught, but everypony figured that we didn't catch 'em all.
We were right. Celestia, we were right.
Still remember that day. Wednesday, late afternoon. I was at the Ponyville market, like any other day, selling apples. I saw some stallion walking along, then he stumbled and collapsed on the ground. The ponies next to him went to go help, but they shrieked when he flashed those green flames and he was a changeling again. Guards were called over, but it didn't make no difference.
He was dead. Deader than a doornail.
And he weren't the only one, neither. Best as near anypony could tell, every single changeling in Equestria dropped dead at the same time. Every. Single. One.
Nopony knew how to react. Ponies panicked of course, but too many of us were relieved that we didn't have to worry about them anymore.
What I wouldn't give to see a changeling right now...
I didn't know this at the time, we were told later, but a recon squad was sent out to go see what happened to the changelings.
A'course, they didn't come back. Nopony ever did.
One week later, a whole lotta ponies, including us Elements of Harmony, were at a big meeting in Canterlot where we were talkin about what to do. Next thing ya know, this griffon smashes through a window and crashes into the long table. The guards probably would have attacked him, but he didn't seem to be much of a threat, what with the way he was hacking up and covered in what was probably mostly his own blood.
He had only one thing to say, and I wish we woulda listened.
"Run."
The fear that was in his voice sends shivers down my spine even today. This was a griffon, in what remained of his armor, who flew hundreds of miles at breakneck speed to deliver his one word message. A full-blown griffon soldier, who looked big enough to pick up near anypony without trouble, said one word and broke down sobbing before he collapsed completely.
I think it was probably then. Right then, right there, that I knew we were doomed. That I knew what was gonna happen. Don't know why I didn't just give up then, but I guess that means that they would've won anyways, and I can't accept that. Not after they took everything away from me.
Never thought I'd be the richest pony in the world.
Never thought I'd be the loneliest, neither.
Guess I ain't totally alone. I have my pet.
Well, new pet. Winona... Winona's gone too.
She's a bit rough to hold, but she's cute as a button, and she's something at least. Just wish I had come up with a better name for her.
...
Fine, I'll tell ya. Her name's Barky.
You think that's real funny, don't ya?
Well, it gets worse. She ain't a dog.
She's a timberwolf pup.
Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Whoever you are. Whatever you are. If you're there...
After the griffon showed up, he lived for about a week after that, if I remember correctly. Not that it really mattered. We prepared for war, and they came.
Faust above, they came.
I remember when I first saw one of them. I'd heard the name "Greyface" before, but actually being face to face with one is terrifying. When you wanna fight somepony, you look them in the eye. Greyfaces have no eyes. They don't even have a face. They barely even have ears. It's just grey. A blank blurry grey.
How do you fight blank blurry grey?
They aren't invincible, that much I know. They bleed black. I don't think I'll ever write with ink again, not that there's anypony to write to.
Don't know how I sleep at all. Even knowing they're all dead. They have to be. Any left would have found me already. That's one of the things we figured out about them. They hear us. They hear our hearts beating, our minds. You can run, but you can't hide.
Honestly, I don't know how I'm still alive.
I guess, while I'm not talking to anypony, I may as well talk about the first day of my war. The first day I fought, the day I stopped applebucking.
We'd heard of a few battles on the outskirts of Equestria, but nothing anywhere near us. I was walking Applebloom home from school. She was talking about... I dunno, some Algebra somethin-or-other she had learned that day, and she was so happy because she had gotten 100% on her quiz. Then we heard the sirens, and rushed home. Big Mac and Granny were okay, so we holed up in the basement.
We could hear them upstairs, over our heads, walking around. Then things got quiet, and we thought they left.
Our hopes were kicked down like the basement door, broken into shards of wood. Two of them rushed down the stairs, and one jumped at me. The lanterns illuminated the thing's face, or lack of it. A voice said "This thing is not a pony. It's shaped like a pony, but it's not a pony, and it's going to kill you."
Time seemed to slow down as it got closer and closer. Then I thought of Applebloom and Granny Smith behind me, and Big Mac at my side, and Winona on the other.
And a different voice spoke in my head. My own voice.
I should probably explain a thing or two about what I've been up to lately.
Took a little vacation, down by Appleloosa, to try and help clear my head. Guess I also hoped that I might find a survivor, though I know that's pretty much impossible. Appleloosa was the same as everywhere else I've been. A ghost town, riddled with skeletons. More there than in most places, though. Probably cuz they're a tough buncha ponies. They've gotta be to survive out there. I left there after looking around a bit for anypony or any useful supplies.
I'm back at the farm now, applebucking as always. It's tougher work without any help, but I don't have as many mouths to feed, or anypony to sell to. Well, sorta. I'll explain later. I do work a bit on some of the gardens in town, too, cuz even I can't live off apples alone.
Though I could try. Don't test my mettle.
You'd think a war that wiped so many out would be more devastating, but that's the odd thing about these Greyfaces. They didn't really care about the buildings. Sure, they knocked a few down, but mostly they only attacked the ponies living inside.
Apparently, they really don't like anything living. Us "sentients" or "sapients" or whatever it was Twi called us were their main targets, but they'd go for anything, especially if it got in their way. That's how I lost Winona.
Winona... You always were a hero, deep inside, weren't you? Not just any ordinary dog.
I said last time that I'm the richest mare in Ponyville. Even by my old standards, that's probably true. I've... eh... upgraded the furniture around here. I didn't steal it, mind, I paid in apples. Ain't got much else left, and I don't reckon they'd have much to do with anything. Dunno why I even bother with the apples. Doesn't seem right, just taking their stuff, I guess.
Probably the same reason I haven't moved into anyone else's house.
Except for Twilight's Castle. Definitely not moving there.
That... I should really explain, later, after I've told a bit more about the war.
Where was I last time?
Right. Ahem.
I had wasted a bit too much time looking at the thing and not doing anything about it, and I couldn't let it get to Applebloom, so I did the first thing that came to mind which was sending it up into the roof. That must've caught it off guard, cuz it made the darndest sound I ever heard as it shot up and bashed its head on a beam. I flipped around and gave it the good old double buck, sending it right into the dirt wall.
Big Mac weren't doin' to bad for himself. He was having a bit of trouble landing any good hits, but my brother's built like a red brick wall. Nothing and nopony gets past him.
Well, mostly nothing...
Sorry, got distracted. Uhh, right. I knew no guard was gonna be there in time, and I didn't have the time to even try and tie this thing up. Guess I already got my slow-motion moment to myself or whatever because it happened so fast. I leapt at it, and punched its head harder than I ever punched anything before. There was a crunch, and my hoof was covered in thick black oil. Yeah, oil. I'll get to that.
I didn't have a moment to think about what I just did. Big Mac was still tussling with his Greyface. I rushed it from behind and held it still long enough for Big Mac to slam his hooves down.
I don't think I'll ever forget the feeling of killing the first one.
I definitely won't ever forget the second one. That was just...
Look, I've fought monsters before. I've been in brawls. When you hit something, it has a certain sort of give and stop. It feels like you're hitting something. Greyfaces feel like a soft rock, if that makes any sense, or maybe a really big, tough dirt clod. Well, I guess that is what it is, cuz of what happened after Big Mac squashed his.
I felt it die. It was pretty obvious. Not like "one final twitch" obvious or "sudden relaxation" obvious. Well, maybe the second one, if you call "whole body melting" relaxation. Twilight probably woulda called it "disintegrating" or somethin fancy, but I reckon she never was wrestling one down when it did. For a moment, the Greyface was pretty solid, but all of a sudden it was just so much dirt. Well, dirt, oil, and glass.
It basically fell apart, and the oil sank through the ground, leaving just dirt and broken glass lying around like a skeleton. I looked back over at the first one and it was the same story, only there was no real skull left. That's another thing I learned then. These things have brains, kinda. They've got a glass sponge thing in their skull. If you can call it a skull. It's just a vaguely head-shaped orb. No holes for a mouth or eyes or ears or anything, except for where the spine connects.
I guess Greyfaces are kinda the opposite of ponies.
Ponies are colorful, friendly, and made of flesh, blood, and bone.
Greyfaces are, well, grey, vicious, and made of dirt, oil and glass.
I remember how a buncha ponies thought they were some sorta machine cuz of the oil, but that didn't make much sense to me, they didn't really react like machines. Twilight said they were "golems" or somesuch so I guess we were both right. Parts of a machine keep working and spinning even if other parts break off. I guess ponies keep going when they're injured, but when they're dead, they're dead. Same thing happens with Greyfaces. They die like you and me.
Well, not me. Not yet.
Wonder what I'm gonna die of, eventually.
Applebloom looked so scared after that. Bet I looked pretty scared, too. We all sat in the corner, huddled, watching the stairs, ears straining for any sound. After, I dunno, an hour or so, we heard hoofsteps. We hoped and prayed they wouldn't come down here, but then we heard somepony say something muffled. It sounded like a guard.
I called out "We're down here!"
Now, that was a mighty foolish thing of me to do, but I was lucky, and it really was a pair of guards looking for us. We were told that we had to evacuate to Canterlot, and fast, because they weren't sure how long the Greyfaces were retreating for. We scrabbled together the bare essentials of our belongings and made our way to the train station. Surprisingly, Ponyville looked almost normal, if a bit empty for being late in the evening. There were a few ponies still making their way to the train, but most of them must've already gotten there.
I'd seen the train station on a busy day, but this was nothing. There were so many colts and fillies, yelling and screaming and whining. Evidently, one train had already left, loaded with the elderly, the injured, and the very youngest foals with their parents. The second train would take most of the remaining youth, and anypony left would take the third and fourth train.
Waiting for the train was tense. Everypony was restless, though the second train leaving quieted things down a lot. Thankfully, Granny and Applebloom were able to leave on that train. During the boarding of the third train, we found out how long the Greyfaces were retreating for.
Don't really have much to live for anymore. I exist, and that's about it.
I guess the sensible thing to do at this point would be to just end it, but I can't do that. Never gonna do that. Not on purpose, anyways.
Not that I don't have the guts to. With the sheer number of Greyfaces and... other things... that I've killed, adding myself to the list wouldn't be too tough. But then that would mean they won, and like I said before, I can't allow that. I'm gonna hold on to my last breath. For Equestria. For my family. For my friends. Heck, for everything else that the Greyfaces killed.
Well, I guess there's Barky to live for, too. She hangs around here, nuzzles me whenever we meet.
Oh, speaking of meat, I need to give her another fish bar. It's really cat food, but close enough.
I'm back. It's weird, going from that one time where Spike saved my life, to nurturing a timberwolf pup like it was my own daughter. If you'd told me two months ago that I'd be doing so, I woulda checked you for a concussion and asked if you had me confused for Fluttershy.
It'd be pretty nice to have her knack with animals right now... Not that I'm bad with 'em, mind, but she just had that probably literally magical connection with them. Dunno if it's just desperation or what, but even so, I am pretty close with Barky. It ain't exactly mind reading, but she does understand me pretty well.
When she's a bit bigger, I'll teach her how to fish. Hopefully I can manage it timberwolf style, jumping in the river and grabbing one with my mouth. Or at least I think that's how dogs and wolves and such fish. Pretty sure it's how bears fish.
Maybe I could teach her how to use a pole and bait... she is pretty smart.
Bit of a klutz, though. Might just catch herself instead. Heh.
Should probably get back to talking about the war.
The third train was being loaded up with civvies, when there was shouting. The Greyfaces were back. Some started to panic, but the guards held the line, and we avoided total chaos.
Until something said to look up.
That moment I mentioned before, with the griffon crashing through the window, was the moment when I knew we were doomed.
This moment was when I knew that I wasn't just a pony anymore. I was a soldier. We're a bit strange. We have different instincts. We react in ways that ponies don't. We don't freak out, or shut down.
When we see Greyfaces dropping out of the night sky onto us, we don't stand there, gape-mouthed in horror.
We roll out of the way, crying out "INCOMING!"
Didn't help, much. Sure, it alerted the guards to the fact that the wolves were now among the sheep, but it was too late. I jumped the one that had tried to land on me, and pounded it a few times, then spun around and bucked it away. I looked around to see another one coming at me, so I tried to bounce them off to the side, but they changed direction last second and got a good hit on my abdomen.
It hurt, but I'd had worse before that, and worse after, so I showed them what I thought of their leg being in one piece, then suplexed them over my head. After two quick jabs to make sure they stayed down, and melted away, I called out for Big Mac. He responded with a surprisingly loud "Eeyup" over in a large tangle of ponies and Greyfaces. I sprinted over to help him out.
Now, I ain't usually a violent pony. Still don't really feel like I am.
But these weren't really alive, what I was fighting.
And these ponies around me were my ponies, from my home, bleeding and dying all around me, and I could do nothing about it but keep swinging my hooves.
So I did.
Somehow we managed to keep the Greyfaces from boarding the train en masse, and the guards there were able to deal with the few that slipped through.
Didn't do much for those of us stuck on the platform.
Didn't know whether to cheer or weep when the train left us there, fighting for our lives.
Sure, the next train was supposed to come in twenty minutes, but it was gonna be a long twenty minutes.
Under the direction of the Royal Guard, we managed to move off of the platform and into the relatively safe station building. Didn't know how to feel, herded into the building with the rest of the townsponies. I needed to be out there, fighting. I'd just seen Carrot Top die, right in front of me, mere seconds before. I tried to call out to her, to warn her, but it was too late. All the Greyface needed was just one solid thwack to the back of her head, and she collapsed to the ground, limbs askew, eyes rolled up, and head at a very, very wrong angle.
I had just gotten done with sweeping that particular Greyface's legs out from under it and stomping it into nothingness when they started moving us all to shelter. Thankfully, the guards had already secured the building, so we hid there while the battle raged on outside. It was torture, knowing other ponies were only dozens of feet away, and I was stuck in here.
This would be about the time when I realized I hadn't seen any of the other Elements of Harmony. I was sure they were fine, but boy did I miss them right then.
Soon, but not as soon as I'd like, the train showed up, and in a surprisingly organized and directed mob we rushed out the door, watching the skies. Well, most of the others did. I was too busy looking at the bodies littering the train platform. So many neighbors. I didn't know all their names, but I knew their faces. There was the owner of that Quill and Sofa shop. There were two of the Flower Mares.
I was curious about the third when I heard a particular choked sob and the last one, Roseluck, rushed past me to her friends. I didn't wanna be that mare, but we had to go, so I picked her up, slung her over my back, and jumped onto the train with the others. Once the all-too-short line disappeared, the Royal Guards boarded the train as well, and we took off, a lot faster than the trains normally go, but understandable given the circumstances.
I was still concerned for my friends, but I was sure I'd meet them in Canterlot. I would know if one of them had died, right?
Turns out I would know, immediately, but that's a story for another time. I need to go manage some cabbages and carrots.