> Metamorphosis
>  by PaintSplotch
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> 1 - Kafkaesque
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


“Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”
― Mary Shelley, Frankenstein 





I knew something was weird when I felt a tongue frantically licking my face.

You think that would be sexy, but no. I was too tired for this nonsense. I slept terribly, like usual. Groaning, I attempted to roll over in my ugly, orange sleeping bag where the soft padding of paws shifted over to my new direction and resumed its licking.

“Bleh, Yuri, no,” I sputtered, waving my arm up to shoo away my dog. Instead of the usual waving, my arm bent… oddly. It felt like my elbow was smashed hard against the side of my torso and my hand felt… long. Too long. And my voice! It had a weird, buzzing reverb quality to it. This got me to crack open my eyes. If this was a dream, it’s the most realistic one I’ve ever had. Attempting to rub the sleep out of my tired scratchy eyes only resulted in me hitting myself in the face with what felt to be a very hard blunt object.

When I could see again, all I could really do was look down and stare. Instead of my normal human arm, I saw a goddamn stub. It was blackish orange and covered in what appeared to be hard armor, which ended in a horse-like hoof. Looking at my left arm/foreleg resulted in the same thing. Yuri, my service dog, just sat as close as he could to me in my tent and tried once again to lick my face. Looking down showed other more drastic changes. I did the most rational and logical thing any human being could do.

I threw up.





Changing species in one night does not do a body good as I have come to have found out. I laid in the cleanest part of my tent and cried. I just cried while I was curled up in a ball with my new weird legs and torso. My pants have fallen off and my now oversized shirt was squishing something on my back. Faithful Yuri just simply laid with me and placed his great, big, fluffy head on my shoulder and made soft little noises as he attempted to comfort me. It helped, I can tell you that much. When he started making silly ‘omnom’ noises I couldn’t help but to crack a smile again. So I just laid with him for a while, giggling as he took the opportunity to stick his wet nose into my surprisingly still ticklish spots. It did calm me down enough where I could take a little closer look at myself. Yuri simply stayed where he was, licking and nibbling on me as he gave me much needed emotional support.

The first things I looked at were my arms. They looked like the front legs of some animal. Bending the ‘wrist’ portion made it seem like it came from a type of ungulate or equine, especially since the blunt ends sorta looked like hooves. They sure resembled them, with a frog and everything. Looking at the bottom of my hooves revealed tiny stiff hairs inside of the hollows and tiny cracks in the ‘armor’ where my joints are. There’s something sharp on my head, ‘cause I poked a big hole in the tent in my thrashing. This was some Gregor Samsa level of horror right here and I don’t even know what my face looks like yet.

Eventually, the haze of despair and abject terror faded enough for me to have some semblance of thought again. It’s when I noticed… nothing. There were no noises outside. Was anyone awake? None of the other hikers were coming in to check on me as I panicked. Sure, I've done this before, so maybe they got used to Yuri taking care of me and didn't want to bother me while I'm vulnerable and screaming? There were three other people in my hiking party, surely one of them would have dropped by. Wouldn’t my yelling have woken somebody up?

Wait.

What if… what if they have changed too? Maybe they are afraid to come out? Perhaps they were like me now—
a horrible bug monster, trapped in your clothing and having a severe existential crisis. Perhaps so.

This revelation sobered me up for a bit. I just lay quietly and recovered while I was still tangled in my sleeping bag as patient Yuri licked away the tears from my new face. At that moment, I was completely grateful that at least Yuri knew who I was. Did my scent stay the same after I changed, or did he witness my horrifying transformation first hand? That poor dog.

I'm getting off track, I need to get UP.

It was harder than it seemed. I guess now I'm a full on quadruped. I've seen horses and cows walk before, but doing it yourself is much harder. There's a pattern you have to get down and, lucky me, I'm not so good at those. The first few attempts caused me to end up on my face. Thankfully, whatever my new 'skin' was made of prevented serious injury, but, eventually, I could stand and walk a bit. I felt like a wobbly toddler as I figured out this mess of limbs. Like I was actually walking on what would essentially be my toe and fingernails. It's… weird. There’s a strange sensation of touch on my hooves. I can feel the hard little pebbles under my canvas tent. I could even feel the lingering body heat on the floor fading. Weird.

Getting out of the tent was another problem as it was zipped tight. Luckily for me, there was a rope tied to the zipper for Yuri to grab and open it himself. I was so glad I put it there at the start of my journey. Paranoia paid off! 

Yuri is a great service dog. I have no clue where I would be without him looking out for me.

“Hello!” I called out once I was free from the horrible smelling tent. “Is anybody out there?”

Silence.

“Hello?” I walked slowly over to one of the tents. “It's… I know what happened to you. It happened to me too. Please come out!”

The tents were all zipped up and quiet. The fire had since died down to ashes and judging by the position of the sun, it should have been lit to cook breakfast by now. I could hear birds and the sound of the lake nearby, but no people sounds. That scared me; there are usually a whole lot of other hikers on this trail. Someone would have come by by now.

“Mark? Stacy? Brandon?” I called again. Still no answer, so I decided to examine the nearest tent, which belonged to Mark. The infernal zipper was there, taunting me and my blunt little stub legs. I tried to grip it with my mouth and pull it open, but it was easier said than done. The zipper was hard to grip in my new mouth, which felt sharper for some reason. When that failed, I went with plan B.

I rammed the sharp thing on my head right into the front of the tent. Whatever it is, it’s sharp and it punched a neat hole right through the canvas. I withdrew the… thorn, I guess? If I cross my eyes I can just barely see it. It left a hole nice enough to peer into. When I looked inside, it only made my situation more… grim.

It was completely empty. The sleeping bag had an impression in it of a human body, like it deflated around someone. A half eaten bag of chips laid on the floor, a few crumbs scattered about. His backpack remained in the corner, half packed and messy. A big rule of hiking is that you DO NOT go ANYWHERE without your backpack. It’s your kitchen, infirmary and armory all in one. It’s not something a fellow hiker would do.

I checked the other tents (after poking holes in them), and they all told the same story. Clothing, food, gear… all left in the same spot as the night before. All was quiet and still. It looked like… everyone was vaporized. Gone. All gone. 

I started to shake a little. I traveled with a group for a reason. It felt safe and I knew these people well. It's not good for me to be by myself. If you couldn’t guess already I have… problems you can say. Anxiety, depression and paranoia will do that to you. This was a chance for me to get out and not feel sick for once. I was having fun, for it was the first time in a long time that I felt normal Now I was alone, with no other people, on the goddamn Appalachian trail in the middle of goddamn Clarence Fahnestock State Park. I had to sit at this point. I felt sick and cold. A sense of dread washed over me. I could not deal with two panic attacks in a row. I couldn’t.

I took a few deep breaths and did my best to try to squash away the thoughts of ending up dead and forgotten. My grandma waiting in her little trailer all alone, waiting for someone who would never come home again. Would she even know if something happened to me? If this happened to me… what about her?

My dark musings were interrupted as Yuri appeared in front of me with my medicine bag clutched in his jaws. He set it before me and barked once before sitting down. I couldn’t help but cheer up a bit. There may not be people, but I had Yuri at least. My change left me slightly shorter than him. Yuri was big already, being a German Shepherd, but it at least gave me reassurance that he could perhaps protect me from… whatever is out there. Bigfoots, aliens, or whatever caused this.

“Drink, please.” I commanded and with that, Yuri huffed and ran off to retrieve a bottle of water. He’s awesome.

My medicine bag, thankfully, was fastened with velcro, so it was easier to open than just poking a damn hole into everything. I dumped out my bottles. Citalopram, Clonazepam and Bupropion for good measure. I eyed my little packet of birth control and snorted. I doubt I will be needing that anytime soon. Imagine an ugly bug monster like me getting laid? So I tossed it away.

Getting the bottles open was a trial in itself. I tried using my mouth again, but I couldn’t grip the bottle, twist it and press down on it at the same time. These were safety caps, which meant even hands have a hard time opening them sometimes. I tried wedging the bottle between some rocks and pressing my hoof one the cap, but that only ended with me accidently punching a rock when I slipped. Yuri just sat with a bottle of water in his mouth, watching as I struggled to reach my medication.

Eventually, I got desperate enough that I decided the only thing I could do was break them open. So I went to the cleanest piece of clothing lying around I could find, and pressed as hard as I could with my body weight. Well, it somewhat worked. I got my pills, but I crushed a good half of them in the process. Goddamnit. All in all I figure I lost about four days to a week’s worth of pills with my clumsiness. Now I would have to pour all the loose pills and broken crumbs back into the bag and then somehow pick out the dosages later. At least they were all different colors.

The water bottle was the same, but at least I could open that one with my mouth. So thus having taken my medicine with a drink of water, I could sit and let them work their magic. Yuri just laid by my side, wagging his tail. I decided to join him and snuggled up.

Perhaps I was looking at this the wrong way. My paranoia tends to do that. Perhaps this is some X-Men level bullshit, or something. Maybe this is a dream and all I have to do is hang tight. Maybe… everyone else went somewhere to get help? It would be shitty if they did that and didn’t leave me a note at least. But at least I felt better as I could be in this weird alien body. I decided to do a trial—if they didn’t come back in two days, then I would leave. I would go home and check on my grandmother. But they are out there. I just need to be positive. I just need to not let my illness rule me and make me always think the worst immediately. As I felt calmer and more relaxed, I couldn’t help but smile.

Yep, they’ll be back.




> 2 - The Omega Bug
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein






Of course nobody came back.

On my first day of waiting; I was fairly optimistic. It was still rather early in the morning and after I had calmed down, my first order of business was to somehow start a fire to cook some breakfast. Luckily; there was already a small pile of wood for that purpose just waiting to be used. It was tough to balance, but I did manage to drag a few of the now much bigger logs to the stone pit. Lighting it was an entirely different story. Yuri just watched, amused, as I struggled for five minutes to even open the match box. I wisely took my oversized shirt off, the last thing I wanted to do was catch myself on fire because the sleeves kept rolling down my front… legs.

It took ten more minutes to even get a match lit without breaking the match heads against the box. Turns out my neck was stronger before and I kept putting too much force in my efforts to strike a match. I burned my lips twice, but eventually, I had a small flame going. I knew then that having to use my mouth for everything was just going to suck hard. What's next? Picking up broken glass? I shook my head. With the fire burning, the next chore was to fetch some water. I awkwardly grabbed a pot in my teeth and Yuri and I headed to the lake nearby.

It was a typical small lake. I saw several discarded fishing poles and coolers along the shore. Probably some late night fisherman got caught up in… whatever happened. Several grills still stood in amongst the tents and campers like silent monoliths. There were a few burned out fires in the scattered fire pits where marshmallows and chocolate laid scattered about. Already the ants were upon them. It was unnaturally quiet. In all… it was unsettling. I investigated a bright pink baby carriage to only find some bunched up blankets and a lone pacifier. It hurt to see that. I didn't want to look anymore, lest I once again panic. I had to focus on the task at hand… or hoof.

I drew the water as carefuly as I could. I didn't want to fall in. Almost drowning would put anyone off from water. Plus there's possibly brain eating amoebas in there. Along with leeches and horsehair worms and other horrors. Yuri didn't seem to mind, as he took a nice long drink and stared at some ducks that he wasn't allowed to chase.

It was there I could look into the water and actually see my reflection. To be honest… I wasn't so terrible looking. I mean, I was still a horror on Earth, but it was comforting to see that I still had intelligence in my eyes. I could smile and frown; I could still be expressive. Opening my mouth revealed teeth that actually wasn't too much different than before, I just had long fangs and a yellow tongue. I had some fin on my neck, sticking up kinda like a mane you would see on a donkey. When touching it, I discovered it felt fine and soft, kinda like touching old cobwebs. Touching the thorn on my head revealed it to be sensitive, but strong. It was like when you touch a tooth. It's alive and you can feel it for sure. I guess I could call it a horn, but it looks like something off a rose stem since it's curved and sharp. I also have transparent bee-like wings, set into the carapace in my back. I could buzz them real good, but they didn't do much else. It made me feel a little cooler though in the sun.

I think the weirdest thing was that my eyes are more sensitive now. They were orange-yellow like the rest of my body with a slit pupil. When a few clouds parted and a bright ray of sun hit the water, it hurt. I winced and it felt like my eyes twitched in their sockets. When I recovered and opened my eyes again, I could see that well...everything had a slight yellow tint to it, kinda like driving sunglasses. The light didn't hurt, but looking at my reflection again gave me a surprise. My eyes were all yellow! I stared and thought hard about having my eyes go back to having pupils and holy shit it happened. The yellow membrane retracted horizontally and I could feel the same twitch in my eye sockets. I guess I pretty much have built in sunglasses. It's freaky, with these big solid yellow eyes just staring…





I had enough looking. I was grateful that at least I still was me inside. I took the pot handle in my mouth. I figured keeping myself busy would leave less time for existential crises. The last thing I needed was to trap myself into circular thinking and be out of the count. No… I couldn't leave Yuri by himself, I had to be strong for once.

Carrying back the water turned into a disaster: about half of it splashed out. Turns out carrying it with the handle in your mouth is very ineffective. There was enough left to boil at least. I set aside some for drinking and used the rest to rehydrate some freeze-dried beef stew. Luckily, Brandon took a dipper with us, so I didn't have to risk burning my poor mouth for a third time as I reconstituted the stew. In the meantime I decided to try to call Grandma and see if she was okay.

I had left my phone in my tent, as I liked to listen to music on it sometimes before I slept. Luckily, my vomit fest earlier this morning missed it and I carried it to sit with it by the fire. Of course, there was no way I was going to dial anything with hooves, but I had a stylus. I gripped it in my mouth, used it to unlock the phone and click Grandma's number. Or, at least I tried to over the course of several minutes, but I was relieved once I heard the phone begin to dial and ring. I stared at the phone, mentally begging for someone to pick up.

“Come on, Grandma...” I tapped a hoof on the ground, going faster as the rings dragged on. Finally, I heard a click.

'Hello. You have reached the Brooks Residence. Please leave a message after the tone'

“Grandma! Please pick up the phone… It's me Melissa!” I tried very hard to stay controlled. “I'm still in New York State. I'll try calling later, okay? I love you.”

I almost choked saying that last bit. I desperately wanted to hear her voice. She always knew what to do and I needed so bad to at least hear that she was okay. Stop it, I told myself. Stop this now. She's okay. She's probably getting groceries. She will call later. Stay calm.

Sensing my growing distress, Yuri padded over to lay his head on my back, gently guiding me to a laying position. I let myself lay down and focused on breathing. Okay, time to try someone else, so I dialed 911.

I got a busy signal. Oh fuck.

I started going down through all my contacts… which was fewer than what I would have liked. I even tried calling Mark’s and Stacy's phones, only to hear them ring in their tents. Hell, I even rang up a pizza place. No answers at all. I would have kept dialing for hours if Yuri hadn't gently taken my stylus from my lips and gave me a look. I tried to dial with a hoof, but he just put his big paw over the screen. Stop it, he seemed to say. You are only just hurting yourself.

I hugged him until I felt better, leaving the phone where it was. I shared my beef stew with him, but to me it was tasteless. I almost didn't want to really eat, but If I was going to walk the distance it was going to take to get back to southern Pennsylvania, I was going to need the energy. I always had trouble eating so this isn't new. So I forced myself to eat it. It didn't make me sick, so that's good. That night I slept in Mark's tent. I had to cut it open to get inside. I hope he doesn't mind when he comes back.





On day two, I went to explore the various tents and campers scattered through the area. All of them were empty. Cars and trucks sat alone, unmoved since yesterday. The campers that were unlocked I went in. There was even one with presents and a cake inside. Perhaps they were going to have a party the next day, before… whatever took them happened? I didn't find any discarded clothing, so this wasn't like in that Left Behind series, which meant no Nicolas Cage, thank god for small mercies. Aliens into fashion maybe? Fabulous aliens? It didn't make sense and I didn't try thinking too hard about it.

Yuri and I found another dog in the park. She was a Golden Retriever who was tied up to a tree next to a rather luxurious camper. The tether was made of nylon and I found that I could gnaw through it fairly fast. Having sharper teeth saved the day! She stayed put though, but was grateful when I went in said camper to bring out a bag of dog food. I guess she wants to wait for her family to get back? At least she has the lake nearby for water. Yuri and her touched noses briefly before he followed me back to camp. All I could do was wish her good luck.

That night, we had marshmallows for dinner, which was the last of my packed food. I tried calling some people again, but didn't get through, or only hit voice mails. It became pretty clear to me that nobody was going to come back. The trail gets pretty busy this time of year, so someone should have gone by already. As I took my nightly dose of medication, it hit me that I can't stay here. I'd either starve to death, or get eaten by something. I was barely bigger than a dog. In fact, I was actually slightly shorter than Yuri. I would be easy prey to a bear, or hell, even something like a pine marten, or a weasel could cause some serious damage. Not to mention I only had a finite number of pills; once they ran out, I don't think I'd be able to function well enough to even take care of myself. Yuri could only take me so far before he would be putting himself in danger too.

I decided to write a note to my friends. Stacy had a notebook that she liked to sketch wildlife in. I tore out a piece of paper and carefully wrote out a note. It was completely awful. I had bad writing even when I had hands and using a pen in my mouth was even worse. I hoped it was legible enough. I put it under a rock in one of the tents. Hopefully, it'll keep the rain out despite having a hole in them.

I… honestly hope they're okay. Those three are awesome. They didn't have to take someone like me along with them on such a big hike. I've trained in wilderness survival with them in my senior year of high-school, so they knew what I was like, but they took me along anyway and treated me just like one of the family. It's a rare thing to find people like that. The whole hiking club was nice, but those three took the cake. I must have been a huge burden, but I did my best. It was what they would have wanted me to do. When I came to a sudden realization... 

They weren't here. Not now at least. I couldn't depend on anyone now except for Yuri and myself.

We slept curled up together again. It's becoming a default, almost routine now. It felt wonderful, like having a warm blanket on a cold day. I could almost wrap myself up in this feeling of being cared for. It's odd, I felt like this before but not so intense before. Perhaps my medicine is affecting me now that my body is different? I'm a lot smaller than before, so perhaps the dosage is a little too much. If I can find a doctor somehow, I will have to ask them.





On day three, I packed my own backpack up. I had to empty out a few things to make it lighter to carry. I was considered on the small size before, but I can't tolerate carrying a huge load. I—unfortunately—had to leave my bear spray behind, as I had no idea how I would even fire the thing. Operating a bottle of concentrated capsicum with my mouth? No fucking way. I'd rather eat a hot coal first. So instead, I kept my first aid kit, some bottles of water, wallet, knife, my medicine, phone and finally my map. I kept my map out to study for now. My compass was on a string, so I put it around my neck, along with my whistle. I gave a few blows on it to make sure it still works. It made my ears ring, but at least it'll be useful for signaling. I would have to leave the tents and sleeping bags behind, they were way too bulky and heavy for a little bug monster like me to carry. I put my blanket over my wings to protect them from the backpack. Those guys were really REALLY sensitive, so hopefully, a nice blanket over them will protect them from all the rubbing the backpack was going to do.

As soon as we hit a town, I really needed to get some dog saddlebags, for both Yuri and me. It seemed it would be more comfortable than having some big ass awkward backpack on my back. Speaking of Yuri, he was super excited. He sat near me, his tail wagging hard and a smile on his face. I looked over at him with a smile, as I tightened my backpack.

“Wanna go home, Yuri?

He barked and sprang up on his paws, running over to whine and lick at my face. I sputtered and pushed his face away, but not before giving him a kiss on the nose. I unfolded my map and studied it. I could clearly see the park marked in green along with the nearby towns and cities. In order to get across the Hudson river I would need to head to the closest city... which is Beacon.

“We have to stop in Beacon first.” I explained to him, still smiling. I fiddled with my compass to get my bearings. “There we can cross the Hudson river and head south.”

It felt like a good plan to me. I could follow the trail backwards, but wouldn’t there be a better chance of finding someone if I went into a town or a city? We can stop there and get more supplies which would be easier than trying to completely rough it out on the trail. Having a nice safe bridge to cross would soothe my nerves, as I really didn't even like crossing water at all. Eesh. Try having a near death experience as a kid and not have it give you at least one phobia. 

I forgoed Yuri's leash. Hell, the only reason I even brought it was because it's against the law for him not to be leashed. He never left my side before and I doubt a leash would make much of a difference. And hell, how would I even clip it on or even hold it? My poor little stumps were fingerless. I left the leash behind, which seemed to please Yuri even more. Well, at least he was happy. For me, I tried my best to remain calm and positive. Like for example, if everyone vanished, that means that maybe the psychopath that fucked me up would be gone too. Poof! Gone forever. I won't have to look over my shoulder anymore for him to show up. It was a good weight off my little shoulders. I could be wrong, of course, but it felt nice to have a bit of a silver lining for once.

I wanted to look behind me, but I didn't. If I did, I'd lose my nerve and fall into the trap of staying with a bad, but comfortable situation. No… I was going to have to do things that outright terrify me if I wanted to get home.

I whistled and Yuri took his place by my side, tail wagging and eager. I looked down the pathway, and it was dark and cool, not enough sun filtering down the green and brown tunnel of trees, so I didn’t have to switch to sunglasses mode. All in all, it was surprisingly peaceful wherein all paranoid thoughts were squashed when I reached over to pet Yuri. If there were things in the woods watching me, I could at least trust him to be there to protect me.

Like any long journey, the first step was the hardest. It just took one hoof in front of the other and then we were off. Yuri brushed against me a few times to remind me that he was there.

Heh, it made me feel a bit like singing, to calm the nerves. With how still and quiet it is, I craved hearing a voice.

“Into each life some rain must fall. But too much is falling in mine.” All I needed was a goddamn PipBoy, and this situation would feel complete.


“Into each heart some tears must fall, But some day the sun will shine.”






> 3 - Calliphoridae
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


 "I was taught that the way of progress was neither swift nor easy." ‒Marie Curie






I sang the whole time we hiked through the forest. I only stopped once in a while to give three short bursts on my whistle. I didn't get a reply from anyone, but I kept trying until my ears started to ring. I admit it was getting distressing having to keep calling out and getting no answer, so singing kept my spirits up. Singing also had another use: warning bears of our approach. The last thing you want to do is surprise a bear. Surprising a bear is a bad thing and I like having all my limbs attached to my body. Even with chitin for skin, I didn't want to test myself up against Stephen Colbert's arch nemesis. So I sang. It kept me from thinking about ax murders in the woods and once in a while, Yuri would join in with a howl on the high notes. Funnily enough, he’s a better singer than I am!

It was as nice as it could be. You gotta count your blessings while you can.

Already I could see the woods rejoicing in the sudden absence of man. Bobcats are usually people shy, but I saw one on the path. It seemed rather confused at the sight of me, but when looking at Yuri it took off into the underbrush. I could even hear deer out in the brush looking for food. There were no voices and no cars. It was still. I don't think that the Earth has ever been this… quiet. Not since man started up their shenanigans around the globe. I wondered how long it would be before the last traces of people vanished from the planet. If aliens visited, would they know we were here and what happened to us?

No use dwelling on things that haven't happened yet.

Once out of the trees, my sight reflexively became yellow tinted. It was bright outside, with it being a cloudless, sunny day. Outside of the dark and shaded forest, the vast empty hills and highways were just way too bright. Luckily, I have built in transitional lenses!

It took a few hours to reach 'civilization' again. Once I crossed the tree line and gazed out into the highways, I was once again struck by how eerie and quiet it was. There wasn't a single car on the roads! What the fuck? Does that mean people were abducted while in their cars? Why would anyone do that? All the sight did was raise more questions for an already confusing event. I guess it was better than allowing cars to pile up until they erupted into city destroying fireballs, or perhaps that was the plan for… whoever masterminded it. 

Say what you want, but I’m pretty damned sure that this was planned. There’s no way this could have naturally happened. The fact I am alive along with the wildlife says that much. Why remove just the people? Why change me? 

Perhaps I’m just a mistake in all this. There’s no way to really know for sure.

With no cars, it made traversing the roads a little easier for me. Soon, we reached some houses that were collected into a small suburb. They seemed for the most part, untouched, but trash cans were tipped over and rooted through. Seems like the raccoons and opossums decided to take advantage of not being shot at anymore to have a feast. One of the fattest raccoons I have ever seen just lounged on a porch like he owned the place. Strange seeing one out in broad daylight, but he didn't seem rabid. I gave him a friendly nod and kept my distance, no sense in not being polite. Yuri gazed at the rolly polly procyonid with longing in his eyes. No doubt looking at him like a gray and white snack cake. But duty won out and he followed me past it. The raccoon himself didn't give a single fuck. He won't be fat for long, I figured, since now there's no more people to make garbage. In time, he'll have to catch his own food again.

I knocked on some of the doors and tried the non knob handles. I targeted houses that still had cars in their driveways. It seemed like it was a better chance to find people. I didn't get a single answer. Many of the doors were locked and shut tight. At this point, my wings and back were hurting and Yuri was panting, I just would like a place to rest. Preferably in a nice house instead of a hole in the ground. One door was unlocked and had a handle that wasn't a knob. Not being able to turn a door handle was awful and I didn't want to use my mouth on a germ magnet like that. No thanks.

I called out as I entered the house, my eyesight returning to normal in the darkened dwelling. I felt like some sort of burglar just bursting into someone's house unannounced. It was a nice two story house, typical middle class place with plush carpets and nice furniture. The power was still on, which I was grateful for. That meant there was air conditioning and the possibility of a bath. The first thing I did was check every room in the house while Yuri sniffed around under beds and in closets. Not a single soul was there. Not even a pet or anything; it was all quiet and still. There was a kid's bedroom with a bunk bed, which was messy and littered with toys. The master bedroom was also empty.

The photo's on the walls revealed it to be a typical family: a wife and husband with two kids. They seemed pretty happy… 

I would try my best to leave things how I found it. Maybe even write a note for the owners if I can.

I carefully took off my backpack. Seems like the blanket helped some, but my wings still got sore and somewhat crinkled. Oh well, it's not like I'm going to fly with them anyway. They were just too small. Unless I was a bee or something… which I'm not. Only in name. It felt good to stretch out my wings though and buzz them a bit. I would need to get some other way of carrying my gear. Maybe a wagon? But it wouldn't work on all terrain.





There was food there, thankfully. I didn't trust anything in the fridge at this point. It's been a few days and most things tend to go bad in that time. They did have a good pantry stocked with a lot of canned and dry food, though. I selected some cans of chicken noodle soup, mostly because they have the easy to open pop tops on them. I doubt I'd be able to work a regular can opener with hooves. My teeth and jaw were at least strong enough to get them open. Maneuvering them into pot to heat, was the major problem. I found that if I sandwich things between my hooves, I could 'pick up' bulky objects. I had to use gentle, but constant pressure. I still had to use my mouth for the ladle and a chair to even reach the stove, but after some more trial and error, I was rewarded with a nice big pot of soup bubbling on the stove.

I poured out some water into bowls. I was surprised that power was staying on as long as it was, I'd give it another day, or so before that and water will go out. Might as well make use of it while I could. Say what you want about tap water being gross, but it’s a genuine miracle that something like that can exist. It would be… a real shame if that technology was lost.

When the soup was ready, I waited for it to cool a bit before dishing them out in even more bowls. One for Yuri and one for me. It tasted amazing after eating freeze dried food for days. It weirded me out that I had to eat it on the floor with Yuri. It made me feel like an animal, but what else was I going to do? Tape a spoon to my hoof? I can deal with embarrassment as long as I stayed alive, which meant eating out of a bowl on the floor. It could be worse—I could have changed into a bacteria, or turned inside out instead.

After we ate, I attempted to wash the dishes. I broke everything except for the steel pot. Good job, me. The pieces were too fine to pick up and I didn't want to use my mouth for it. So this family has to come back to a sink full of glass and ceramic. At least I didn't break anything while I took a bath. It felt amazing and I noticed just how nasty I was getting. My shell… I'll just use that instead of 'skin', had turned gray from trail dust, but washing myself revealed it to be rather pretty, with a shiny deep black/orange color. Even the hard carapace on my back was kinda lovely. Depending on the light, it would shine everywhere from orange to yellow. It made me feel better, ‘cause if I had to be a bug, at least I can be a pretty one. It looked like car paint in a way, with the different colored flecks and the light effect. A little vanity never hurt anyone.

What remained in the tub after I finished wasn't pretty at all. I didn't know something without skin, or hair could hold that much dirt on them. Yick.

Yuri didn't take a bath with me—he hates baths—so he guarded the bathroom door instead. I locked the door with us inside. Even though the house was empty I was still afraid of someone barging on me while in the bath. Ever see Psycho? Baths are some dangerous territory. When I was dry and rested, I strapped the backpack on. It was yet again an awkward affair. I couldn't wait to get new bags. At least this time I was extra careful to not crinkle my wings.

After the food and bath, we left the house the same as how we found it: with the door unlocked. Someday the family might come back and wondered who broke their bowls and took a bubble bath. It gave me a bit of a chuckle.

With that, we began our march with still no signs of life. I always pictured the apocalypse to go down in fire and nuclear bombs. But this? It was worse in a way. Especially if there's others like me: just all alone out there.





Three hours later, we set foot in Beacon. We made good time… a little over six hours to hike. I definitely noticed that my walking speed is much faster than when I was bipedal. Yuri didn't have to even slow down for me! It was better than crawling the whole way, that's for sure.

Beacon was a typical small city from what I could see. Walking into it was like walking into an old ghost town. Again, there were no cars on the road, but plenty were still parked all crammed together on the sides of the street. Parking meters flashed their expired signs, but nobody was there to give parking tickets. There were some scattered trash on the streets, which was blown away by the wind. I could see that woodland creatures descended to have a smorgasbord of human trash. It was the same story in the suburbs. The only sound was the wind blowing through the buildings and my hooves clacking on the pavement.

So much for stealth, but here I am trying to FIND other people.

Yet again, my whistle gave me no results. Shouting didn't do anything either. Yuri's barking only alerted the local strays. They looked at us from a distance, but didn't approach. Perhaps they didn’t want to come after me? I mean, these long fangs can’t just be for decoration after all.

I shook my head. It was time to get to business. I needed to find a safe place to spend the night and get better supplies. A random house would  have water, food and be relatively safe… at least from bears. From other people? Or whatever took everyone else? I don't think so. 

I stamped a hoof to drive away some of the more disturbing thoughts. I had to stay rational. If I took the right precautions, I will be safe. I just have to focus. Stay frosty.

I took a moment to take out my map and study it. My best bet would be to stay on Main Street. Most of the major stores and utilities would be on Main Street and most importantly, there would be a pharmacy. I was eager to get more medicine that wasn't smashed to dust… along with maybe a more updated first aid kit. Before that, though, we'd need a better bag. There's bound to be a pet store, or a camping store, or something! This city was close to a National Park; there had to be camping and survival gear store!

I put the map away and whistled for Yuri to follow me. Funny, even with fangs and a muzzle, I can still whistle pretty good. He barked and ran back over from a bin he was… marking. Guess he figured he was the big dog in town, since I scared off the other dogs. Funny.

As I got further in the city… I smelled something.

Gas.

Burned rubber.

Blood.

Something was wrong.

I didn't think; I ran down the empty paved roads, my hooves making a racket. At one point, I thought I was galloping, but I wasn't sure. Yuri was faster and he took the lead as we raced through alleys and streets. He probably smelled it too. In the distance, I could see a smashed truck that was wrapped around a traffic light pole. It was completely totaled and barely even resembled a truck anymore. The driver side door was torn clean from the truck and thrown several feet away. A car on the street was flipped from being clipped so hard. Glass littered the street along with various debris.

I  approached the smashed out driver's side. Something in me nagged that this was a terrible idea, but if someone was still alive they needed help. But the sound of hundreds of flies gave it away.

No.

Nobody was alive.

I could see on the driver's side was… a small horse. A unicorn too blood stained and mangled to tell color, or gender. It was roughly the same size as me, maybe slightly bigger. It was propped up on the driver seat, forelegs shoved through the steering wheel. Bones stuck out of torn skin and the head… oh God, the head.

It was completely twisted upward, the bones in the neck broken and jutting out the ragged flesh. There were no eyes, just empty sockets that long since had the eyes picked away by birds, or insects, or God knows what. The face had a facsimile of a smile as most of the facial skin was on the steering wheel, or gnawed away. Already there were maggots everywhere. Writhing. Wiggling.

The eye sockets stared right at me.





Bile rose to the back of my throat as I stood rooted in place. Staring. Shaking. I hyperventilated as I saw the flies rise up in great clouds as Yuri approached. Buzzing flies. It was getting harder to breathe.

Already a deep pressure in my brain began to press in. Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

I tried to step away or move, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop looking at this poor being. Did they suffer? Were they conscious when the flies began to come?

I vomited and fell to my 'knees' on my forelegs. I threw up everything in my belly and even pure bile as the smell of rot and blood drifted over in the wind. I tears streaked down my face. It reminded me too much of my mother. Her lying on the floor. Her beautiful dress stained red. Her neck twisted with hand shaped bruises… 

I teetered over, holding my head in my fore hooves. I couldn’t flashback here in the broken glass and flies. I needed to get out of here! I curled up on my side and screamed, trying to drown out the noise in my head as it tried to show me things I didn't want to see. My mother in the driver's seat. My mother on the glass. Mother with empty eye sockets looking right at me while flies rose up in biblical swarms. I fought them by screaming louder and louder, but it wasn't loud enough.

I was dimly aware that something grabbed on to the handle on my backpack and was dragging me away. I could feel the glass grind under my shell as I moved backwards on the pavement. There was a sound of grunting and growling. I hit a moment of clarity to look behind to see Yuri, backpack in his jaws, tugging me backwards. Pulling me away from the scene. I wanted to help. I wanted to move with him and away from here, but my brain wasn't connecting with my legs. I flailed and cried as I was pulled further and further from the accident. Yuri occasionally yelped as his paws stepped on the glass. This was all my fault. My fault.

The pressure in my brain increased. My only defense was to go somewhere where I could protect myself from what I was seeing. Both in front of me and in my own head. I could feel myself drifting as my overloaded brain began to shut down.

I hear one last pained yelp from Yuri and then everything went black. 
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> 4 - Star Stuff
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


“The cosmos is also within us, We're made of star stuff. We are


a way for the cosmos to know itself.” ‒Carl Sagan







The first thing I noticed when I came to was a rank and vile smell. I blinked my eyes and winced as a sharp pain ripped through my brain. Ouch. My mouth was dry and my head felt fuzzy and slow. It took a few minutes of blinking and coughing to become aware of my surroundings again.

Yuri—in his moment of bravery—had dragged me off and stashed me behind a dumpster, which explained the smell. It was just far enough away from the brick building’s side to shove me back into the corner. Yuri himself was lying in front of me, blocking off the only entrance to the solid, but smelly shelter. He must have heard me moving around, because he craned his head back to give me a wide mouth, goofy dog smile.

“Goo… good b-b-boy, Yu-Yuri.” My brain and tongue were still trying to connect with each other as I struggled to get up. Yuri immediately got up on three legs and turned around to lay doggy kisses all over my face and head. He concentrated his kisses right around the base of my horn, which was the sorest spot. It's kinda amazing how dogs just know where you hurt the most. I just let him whine happily and lick my face, just glad to see he was all right. I wouldn't let him down. I managed to get enough motor control back to rub him behind the ears with a hoof. He grumbled and set about to nibble groom around my ears and back fin. It felt absolutely wonderful. It surprisingly was enough to have helped remove some of the fog around my brain. I was safe here with Yuri; there was nothing to be afraid of while he was here to help me.

A few minutes of TLC later, I felt well enough to get back on my feet. I wanted a drink of water; my throat still burned from the bile I thew up. Yuri's ailment didn't escape my attention either and I made him sit as I examined his hurt front paw. Embedded in the pad was a piece of sharp glass, which I pulled out with my teeth. I had an urge to, well… lick the wound, but that has a whole host of germs and possible parasites I'd rather not deal with. So a bit of betadine iodine, neosporin and a bandage later, he was good as new. He still limped, which meant we would need to rest here for a while, but I wasn’t complaining, I needed the rest too.

It just meant we'd be here with the poor… pony. I'll go with pony, since it was about Shetland pony sized. Same size as me really, but I don't think you can call me a pony at all. I don't think I'd flash back again, though, as now I know what to expect. But damn… that poor person. They were pretty much melted to the seat and I don't think I would be strong enough to get them out and bury them. Plus there's no place to bury anyone, unless I drag him all the way up to the one park.

I'll think of something, but first, we needed to go somewhere and rest.

With me stumbling around like a drunk fool and Yuri imitating a tripod, we resumed our march to main street. Once again, we searched for an unlocked house that would be our 'base' for the day. I wanted out of here sooner than later, but with how things were going, it's best to prepare for the worst. Eventually, we found a house with an open door. Perhaps they were abducted just as they were leaving? Thankfully, it hadn't rained, or else the interior would have begun to mold. Yuri sniffed around and deemed it safe to enter.

The inside looked to be a typical single occupant place. I didn't notice any toys, or messes that would give away children, or infants being present. It was fairly spartan with furnishings.  The obvious money going toward the stack of game consoles next to the largest flat screen TV I have ever seen. There was a large tank where a two foot long ball python rested. It watched us as we tramped on in its home, but didn't seem particularly angry.

I would deal with him later. Right now, I needed to sleep. I decided the couch was as good as any place as my legs were shaking again. I climbed up and settled down to sleep, too tired for a blanket, or pillow. Yuri jumped up and curled around me, facing the now shut front door. With him guarding me, I fell into a much needed sleep.





I found myself floating in a field of stars. Instead of the usual blackness of empty space, I was standing in what I recognized to be the Horsehead nebula.  The irony was not lost on me. The brilliant pinks, purples and blues stretched out into the vastness of the void and stars sparkled in an infinite number of colors. Before me, was the plume of interstellar dust and gas that gives the nebula its name. It crooked up elegantly as it seemed to look out into the beyond.

There were terrible storms in the distance. Lightning and black holes were coming to suck away all the light in the universe. Stars winked out of existence all around me as its oppressive force came closer and closer. Looking deep into a supermassive black hole was terrifying. There were distant, evil shapes in it. I could feel them looking back at me. Despite the horror  approaching, there was no sound, just silence.

I couldn't feel myself. I looked at myself to see that I was also a collection of dust and gas, clumped into a rough shape of… well… I seemed to constantly shift shapes between the quadrupedal bug horse and humanoid. Parts of me would drift away toward the black hole, leaving me smaller and smaller. I tried to keep myself together, but it was hard. Small bursts of lightning erupted in my limbs as the horse head plume drew closer and closer. 

To my shock, it turned and looked at me.





Stars erupted behind the 'head', as two white stars 'opened' on the barest suggestion of a face. Plumes radiated outward like great wings of dust. The wings reached out and touched the edge of the horrible gravitational malestrom. The black hole tried to stay in shape, but eventually, it shivered and collapsed into a brilliant explosion of stars. They seemed to joyfully spread out, illuminating the vast expanse again. Perhaps glad to be free again.

It looked at me as my body reacted. The dust and gas that made up my body were vibrating. No longer was I being pulled into the black hole. But I was still falling apart… I was afraid. I felt small. I could barely hold myself together. There was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. Even without the black hole sucking everything away, I was still afraid.

It spoke to me in a loud, but surprisingly gentle tone.


PLEASE, DO NOT BE AFRAID


‘Huh?’ The voice cut through the absolute silence and rang through the stars. It sounded… off, like it was speaking from an unfathomably long distance away. Like listening to a radio during a clear night.


I AM SORRY, LITTLE ONE, THAT YOU ARE SUFFERING SO. IT WAS NOT OUR INTENTION THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN.


‘What? What the hell is this?’

It looked down and seemed almost sympathetic at the state of my body as it tried to pull itself apart. I struggled to keep together.


I AM SORRY.


“Wait! What?” I shouted, but I couldn't hear myself speak. All that came out was little stars that disappeared off into the void.  The being didn't seem to hear me either. ‘Who are you?”


YOU MUST NOT GIVE UP, FOR YOU SHALL KNOW HAPPINESS AGAIN.


I was confused and afraid. I could hear the words, but why was it speaking to me? Was this the perpetrator behind the disappearances? The reason why I am what I am? Why was it sorry?

Was… I talking to a God? A Demon? An Alien?

As if sensing my terror, the great 'wings' of stellar dust reached out pulled me inward. It… it felt wonderful. It was like being cold and then giving a warm blanket fresh out of the dyer. Inside this cosmic hug, the 'head' bent down, almost like it was giving me a kiss goodnight.


REST WITHOUT FEAR AND BE REJUVENATED.



SLEEP.


And so I did.
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I woke up feeling better than I had for ages. The light from the windows showed that I slept longer than I thought. It was already sundown! I looked over to see that Yuri hasn't moved from his spot. When he saw that I was awake, he began to thump his tail and opened his mouth into a big doggy grin.

“Hey Yuri.” I smiled. “Is your paw feeling better?”

I got a lick on the nose as a response. I guess it meant he was feeling better.

I stretched as I pondered on the dream I had last night. I dream vividly, so that wasn't unusual. What was unusual, was that something in the dream actually spoke to me like a person? Was it part of my imagination? It was somewhat upsetting and confusing. I'll be spending all day trying to figure out if my subconscious drummed up the entire one sided conversation. Or if some giant space dust alien creature really did apologize to me for… something.

I didn't want to dwell too much on it, lest I work myself into a frenzy again. Still, it was a good sleep. My headache was gone and the persistent weakness in my limbs have faded away. I felt I could run a quarter of a mile if I put my mind to it! Wait… it wasn't sundown. It was getting lighter outside! I groaned as I pulled myself to my hooves and moved to look out the window. YUP! It was definitely dawn. Good God, I slept for a long time! I felt awful, that meant Yuri didn't get fed at all. Great job, me.

My stomach rumbled at the prospect of food, so I made my way to the kitchen. There, on the floor, was a wrapper from an entire loaf of bread. Judging by the big tears and teeth marks, Yuri took it upon himself to get his own dinner. Clever dog! Still bread alone isn't enough for a big dog like him. I opened the fridge to find… not much. There was a block of cheddar cheese, some wilted lettuce, and uh… dead mice. Most likely for the snake. Romans used to eat mice, didn't mean I was gonna do it. I set it out in a glass of hot water to warm up, I wasn't going to let the poor snake go hungry either. I poured a glass for me, so I could take my medicine. It's… not always good to take these on an empty stomach. But waiting till later wouldn't be good either.

This meant we were going to need to go to town and get supplies. I was planning on doing that anyway, but I was hoping to have a meal first.

I waited until the mouse was completely thawed before deciding to go for the day. The snake seemed to know what was going down. He came to the front of his tank to wait patiently. I just dropped the mouse in and he went and got it. I guess he's used to pre-killed food. 

I left the lid open, so he can get out. “You ought to head down south.” I told the snake as he swallowed his mouse. “It gets way too cold up here for guys like you.”

He just kept swallowing the mouse. Well, at least he's got a fighting chance now. I left the door open just how we found it.

The trek to the main street shops was pleasant. It got to the time of the year where it's not too cold in the morning, so there wasn't a need to bundle up again. I had to tighten my backpack straps again, making my wings ache. God it sucked. Could I be doing permanent damage to my wings? Maybe cause an infection or something? I figured it wasn't a good thing to keep smooshing them down under heavy weight. I needed an alternate way to bring supplies with us.

I found it while searching a hardware store. Did you know they make all terrain wagons now? I take back everything I said about wagons. Seems like the simple little red flyer wagons went super-sized since I was a kid. A wagon with rugged air filled all terrain tires and wooden sides for cargo is a dream come true. It was just the right size for me to pull it. Using some basic tools I was able to make a comfortable pull-able wagon. You can do a lot with an awl, bolts and duck tape! The store had heavy duty dog harnesses and using tape and string, I was able to attach it to the makeshift cart. The dog harness allowed my wings to be free and un-crushed. It also allowed me to carry a lot more items without breaking my back. It took me a while, as I had to use my mouth to drill holes the ol' fashioned way. The big bulky battery powered hand drills were just too much to hold and use at the same time. I did try and nearly drilled a hole through my hoof. The last thing I needed was a hole anywhere.

I left behind the backpack. I didn't need it anymore now that I have a roomy cart.

Thankfully, the local pet store didn't actually have any animals. It was a relief ‘cause the last thing I wanted to see was cages and cages of dead, or starving animals. I didn't want to think about it, or else I would run myself crazy trying to save every animal I could. I was just one little bug; it would be an exercise in futility. So instead, I got a bag of dog food to take with me along with bowls and flea and tick stuff. There were also gourmet dog cookies that smelled absolutely amazing. I tried some along with Yuri. It actually tasted lovely, like a somewhat stale Oreo, so I stashed some away for later. We still managed to eat a good bunch for ‘breakfast’. It wasn’t eggs and bacon, but it was something in our bellies at least.

The pharmacy was a little more difficult. It was a typical convenience slash pharmacy, so there was food and other supplies there. The actual pharmacy itself was shut down and locked down tight. Heavy metal slides were down over the windows and the counters, preventing entry. I tried to get in anyway, but I'm just a little bug. Kicking the grates did nothing except make a lot of racket. Breaking the windows would also be futile because they also had the metal grates over them. I wasn't confident enough to use an Acetylene Torch on it. The safety equipment wouldn't fit me and a fire would be bad news here.

Goddammit, I was going to need to find somewhere else to get my medicine. I still have enough to reach another town, but if this one was closed, others would most likely be closed too.

How the hell do people manage to even rob pharmacies. It's fucking hard!

I still managed to refresh my medical kit, but I was still rather disappointed. This was going to be on the back of my mind for a long time. Fuck.

Hitting the grocery store was quick. The fruit and veggies in stock were already starting to go bad. I stayed away from the meat and frozen food sections too. Even with the power still on, I didn't trust the meat to not give me food poisoning. There was plenty of canned and dried stuff. On a whim, I also threw some snack food in the cart. I figured it would help improve morale. Getting a new pot was also good, as cold rations aren’t fun at all. I also got some steel wool and some batteries. They make excellent fire starters in a pinch!

On the way back, we raided a flower shop and took every nice flower we could balance on the already full cart. I took them back to the scene of the car accident and spread them around. I’m not a religious person, experience has pretty much killed it for me, but I did take a moment to wish the person peace. I hoped wherever the poor pony is they'd feel better that someone cared enough to put down flowers. I still felt sick just looking at the accident, but I toughed it out. I knew what to expect now, so I wouldn't get surprised.

It's still uncomfortable and sad, but it's better than just running away from everything.

We didn’t bother going back to the house with the snake. It was better to just keep moving. To do that, we needed to cross the Hudson River.  

I could even see the bridge in the distance, stretching out far over the water. It was pretty, but bridges still make me nervous. I guess I was lucky that there was no wind to cause it to rock. Looking at my map, it seemed that the easiest route would be to follow would be Old U.S. 22. It was a foot path that avoided major highways and intersections, but yet also crossed major cities and towns. I figured there would be plenty of places to rest after a day of walking. It would mean having to carry less because we can always restock in nearby towns. Perhaps we’d come across a pharmacy that wasn’t locked up. Either that, or I’d have to do something very drastic to get my medication. 

Here’s hoping.

Newton seemed to be the best place to stop next. It would involve actually leaving New York and going into New Jersey. From there? Heading back to Pennsylvania. I did some rough calculations in my head and figured it would take around three days to make it back home. That wasn’t counting time it would take to scavenge for food and to rest. I know I’d walk myself to death if not kept in check, so I needed to make sure Yuri had rest as well.

I hope Grandma will be okay. She may be nearly 90 years old, but she’s still tough. She was a nurse in the army right near the front lines. She was born before fridges and other modern trappings. 

She’ll be all right, I hope so at least. 

I hitched myself up to the cart, buzzing my little wings to boost my confidence. I hated bridges, but if I needed to get home, I was going to have to tackle this one and many more. Yuri ran in circles around me as I marched. I couldn’t help but smile. Watching him goof around makes you forget for a little bit about being afraid. 

Time to put one hoof in front of the other and march!





> 5 - Kindling
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


“We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how 
to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.” ―Ray Bradbury







The walk across the Hudson River Bridge went faster than I thought. I sometimes stopped along the way. The thought of rushing...deep...cold water would often leave me feeling paralyzed. If I thought hard enough, I could almost remember how it felt to have my lungs being filled with water. When that happened, Yuri would gently push me until I started to move again. It got to a point where I would just hold onto his harness handle with my teeth and just let him guide me along. It kept me going and I felt so much better once we were back on solid ground.

The march went slower than the trek from the National Forest to Beacon. We took several breaks, so I could look over Yuri's paw. It seemed to be healing well, but I made sure to apply antibiotic cream and bandages every so often. He was more patient than usual and allowed me to fuss over his injury. The wagon from earlier was an absolute godsendt, and even though the tires were filled with air and rolled smoothly over the dirt footpaths, I wanted to avoid paved roads if I could due to the fact that they’re absolute murder on hooves. I had no way to really be sure what my new chitinous skin was made from, but if it was keratin, it would wear down on roads. They were already a little sore, but I figured it's because my new body wasn't trained up as much as my human one was. I was going to have to endurance train all over again. That’ll be fun.

When the position of the sun indicated it was noon, we stopped to eat lunch. I poured a bowl of dog food for Yuri and cracked open a can of ravioli for me. I ate it cold. The weather was warm and pleasant enough where a fire wasn’t necessary. So nice in fact, that it prompted us to lay in the shade and take a nap.

The rest of the hike was uneventful. I was astounded to find that I was actually getting used to the absence of people. As I trudged on, I could see that the woods were beginning to reclaim the land. Weeds and grasses were beginning to push up through cracks in the roads, which made me ponder just how long it'd take before there wouldn't be any roads left at all. Just greenery as far as the eye could see. I suppose that it would definitely make traveling a bit different, but I also noticed that the air was more sweeter and felt more... 'clean' than I have ever known it to be. Well, either that, or I was starting to go bonkers from the lack of human interaction.

The tall buildings and highways gave way to the green rural countryside. Fields of unripe corn and wheat marked the way towards our next destination.

When we spotted Newton’s welcome sign, it was beginning to go into late afternoon. It was then that in the setting sun, that I noticed it. It was completely and utterly dark. The street lamps were off, houses were dark and digital signs were blank. The power was definitely out. I'm surprised it hung in there for this long. The only places with power now, I reckoned, were places that use hydroelectric power. Las Vegas for example, was probably going to be the last place on earth to be lit with electrical power. Hoover Dam was going to keep it alive for a long time. Eventually, that too will fail, but not for a few years at least.

I didn't need light. I could actually see well in the dark now, but there's something comforting about having a steady light in the darkness. My body may have changed, but I still have a human brain and comfort from light is part of the human condition. When man first harnessed fire, they were able to banish the fear brought on by darkness. Thousands of years later the same is true, even if I’m in a different body. 

I was happy to find that the town indeed has a pharmacy. I would try to raid it the next day; I was hella tired. A six hour march will do that to you for sure. I'm sure Yuri was also tired despite the breaks to check his paw. We fell into a routine, which was to search for an open house to spend the night and leave it how we found it. Newton was smaller than Beacon. Instead of squished up townhouses on crowded streets, there were actual houses here. I chose an inviting looking house near the pharmacy; it seemed like a good place to set up for the night.

The door had a knob, which I had to open up with my mouth. I resolved to gargle a bottle of Listerine if they had it. However, it was not to be. When I opened the door I could see tons of pairs of reflective eyes looking back at me with hisses and mews. This house had an ungodly amount of cats in it! Hungry cats were perched on every available surface. They just stared at us in the growing darkness. I found myself backing up from the doorway. I didn't fancy tangoing with an entire clowder of angry and hungry felines. I doubt they could bite through my shell, but I had Yuri to worry about. I left the door open and backed away into the the street. Out from the doorway ran what I estimated to be about thirty cats. All of them ran into the road and disappeared into separated directions.

I decided it was best to find another house.

After a little searching, I managed to find a house that wasn't stuffed full of cats. It was a small but cozy house. Looking at the pictures revealed it to be owned by an elderly couple. Old Military awards and a carefully folded up American flag decorated the mantle. Seeing pictures of the old lady made my heart ache for my grandmother. I pushed it aside and did the customary search for axe murderers and ghosts hanging around. It was all clear.

The wagon was small enough to pull into the house, where I unhitched myself. Even with a comfortable harness and a slow pace, it left me feeling tired and sore. I was happy that my wings felt better and the crinkles were starting to disappear.

I set out dinner on the living room floor and lit a battery powered lamp. I kept it on a low setting and it lit up the room in a soothing warm glow. I was pleased to see there was a book case with several interesting books. Most were military in nature, but there were some on more mundane topics. I decide to choose one about the accounts of Navy SEALs. Navy SEALs were up there with what I wanted to do in life. Well… being a Forest Ranger wasn't exactly the same as being a SEAL. I figured that there were things I could still learn. I decided to read aloud, it filled the quiet and gave Yuri something to listen to.

Soon the fatigue from the road was too much and once again, Yuri and I piled up together. With him yet again watching out for me, I fell into a deep sleep.




.
.
.

My wrists hurt.

I looked at the test in front of me, but I couldn’t read it.

I frowned. I was back in high school and this was my final exam. I couldn't recall exactly what class this is. I'm pretty sure I never studied for it. I could recognize that I was in a classroom, but the colors and shape shifted constantly. There were deep cracks in the wall, which were hastily patched with everything from duck tape to smears of glue. Every so often, the room would shake and motes of dust and gravel descended from the ceiling. A man sat at the teacher's desk, but his face was blurred out. No matter what, I couldn't focus on him enough to figure out who he was. Behind him was an old school chalkboard, where a picture of a horse drawn in blue chalk. Also drawn on the horse was a mane of stars and a picture of a crescent moon on its hindquarters.

Hrm.

The door behind me thumped. Muffled screams echoed in the distance as the door violently shook. For now, it held fast.

I looked up at the clock to see how much time is left for my test, but it too was unreadable. If I failed this, I would probably die.

I tried to pick up my pencil with my hoof, but it simply vanished out of existence. Blood splatters appeared on my test. I sighed when I realized that, once again, my wrists were bleeding.

Goddammit. I hate these kind of dreams, I thought.

“I have never seen one, so full of worries as you,” said a familiar voice.

I looked up at the chalkboard, to see the drawing on it warp and change. The simple horse gained a horn and wings, while little, white drawings of stars erupted in its mane and tail. The drawing turned and looked at me. I knew who this was. I'd seen them before.

“You aren't so loud this time.” I watched as the drawing began to exit the chalkboard. It drew ambient chalk dust around to give itself more mass and shape. After a few shakes, it pulled itself free and stood.





“You were in great turmoil. I had to be sure you at least heard some comfort as I vanquished the nightmare.” The creature flapped its wings. 

“Yeah, well...” I waved a foreleg, splattering blood on the desk. The look on the creature's face was one of shock as it saw my lack of concern. “I wasn't in the best state of mind then. With the dead body I found and all.”

“I see...” the creature spoke in a careful and measured voice. “Are you in a better state now?”

“No,” I simply answered. “I will probably never be in a good state of mind for the rest of my life. It's just a fact.”

The creature seemed put off by this. It eyed the cracks in the walls and the shaking door. 

“I do not understand...” it finally spoke. “With the spell, you should have been completely healed of all damage.”

“What spell?” It was my turn to eye the chalk horse. “What do you mean healed? Just who the hell are you?”

“I am Princess Luna, sovereign ruler of the night and protector of dreams.” She spread her wings, ignoring my rudely worded question. “I hail from a land called Equestria. We have been watching Earth for quite some time.”

“Dreams, huh? So, your name isn't also Morpheus, then?”

She gave me a look.

“Sorry, uh… just a joke. So, um… you're an alien then?” I pointed in her direction. She tried hard not to watch the blood splatter as a result. “Are you the reason why everyone disappeared? Did you… did you abduct them?”

“Nay. Do not fear for them, they have been safely sent away for now. They will return one day. There are still others out there, just vastly scattered.” She strode over closer to my desk as she continued to speak.“There was a great death swiftly approaching your world. My sister and I could not bear to see such a prosperous and clever species be destroyed in an instant. So we crafted a spell that would allow humanity to survive this disaster.”

“Is that why I'm a bug-monster?” I wasn't always the brightest crayon in the box, but I could see where this was going.

“Nay, you are a changeling… but… not.”

Shit, I didn't like how uncertain an intergalactic alien horse sounded. She must have seen my face, so she elaborated.

“You have the body of a changeling. You are not a Queen, you are not a male and you are not quite a drone. Your brain is more like a pony. Something… something must have gone amiss. The spell is far from perfect.” 

“Oh. So I'm a freak. I'm messed up no matter what I am.” I sighed. That's jusssst what I needed to hear. Not only was I a bug monster, I wasn't even a proper bug monster. Great. “Gee… thanks for that.”

“You are no freak. For one, it is a blessing. I would not be able to speak with you, were you purely a changeling. I only regret that the spell apparently has failed to heal the injuries in your brain.”

“Those aren't physical injuries.” I twisted in my seat to gesture at the cracks and the still screaming door. “They are psychological ones. Those just can't be whisked away in an instant.”

“There were no mind healers for you?”

“Yeah, well, they did try. But you don't survive your psychopath father inflicting every kind of abuse imaginable on you and your mom on a daily basis and then have him murder her and then try to drown you to death without some permanent psychological scarring.” I leaned on my desk. The test faded away as soon as I stopped paying attention to it. “The fact I'm still alive is a miracle.”

She looked at my wrists again. “Yes, I see.”

A wave of utter fatigue washed over me. I felt so heavy and weak.

“I'm sorry… I'm just really tired.” It was exhaustive just saying that all outright. But I figured if an alien could somehow get in my head to see my dreams, they would be able to find out anyway.

“Then rest.” She bent her head down and kissed me gently under my horn. The same warm feeling came over me. My wrists didn't hurt anymore. I glanced down to see that all the blood was gone. The screaming had stopped. The room wasn't shaking anymore.

“We will speak again,” her voice echoed off as I closed my eyes.





I woke as the sun was beginning to peak over the horizon. I stood up and stretched, surprised to hear that I still had bones to pop. Yuri also stretched, groaning and moaning like an old man as he did so. I chuckled as I went about to get breakfast ready. Dog food with a dog cookie for Yuri and some creamed corn for me! Again, all cold. I should try to find a portable stove in town today, or something.

As I busied myself, I pondered over my dream last night. It was strange to imagine that an actual alien horse princess from another world has taken an active interest in me. If what she says is true, than people are just… somewhere else for now. When they came back, would they look anything like me? She mentioned that I have a 'pony' brain. Would they be like the dead person I found then? If so… then Grandma was either already taken or changed; and either way, I had to hurry home and see. What if she was turned into a little old pony? It would be just as bad as being left alone as a human.

I had to have faith; Gram was tough. She could get through this.

I still wasn't too happy that I'm somehow a bootlegged version of a changeling. Something must have gotten lost in translation. Maybe my psychological issues had something to do with it? There was no way to know for sure and that infuriated me. Perhaps next time we talked, we could talk more in length about it. What she said left a lot more questions than answers.

For now, I needed to take care of my medicine problem.





Of course the fucking pharmacy would be locked. That goes to show how lucky I am.

I cased the joint, looking through windows and trying to find a way in. It was the same story, though: bars on the windows, thick walls, metal grates and impossible for a bug-monster and a dog to get in.

Sorry, but ‘bug-monster’ sounds a lot better than 'changeling'. I'm sticking with it.

I found a few cars in the parking lot still. I knew how to drive… just not with the anatomy I have now. However, the cars gave me a plan.

If I couldn't get in the normal way, I could bash my way in! If I could use a vehicle, I could perhaps use it to make a hole in the pharmacy's wall. Then I could crawl my way in and grab what I needed.

After Looking around for a bit,  I chose a rather rugged looking truck. I figured it would survive hitting the wall a lot better than a little car. There was a bottle of Mountain Dew on the seat, which was unopened. The truck keys were actually in the ignition, ready to be turned on. Perhaps the person was getting ready to leave when they vanished?

Maybe my luck was looking up!

Now to rig the truck up where it would go without me actually sitting in it. I found a car jack, along with some other tools stashed behind the seat. It was also the truck was a two wheel drive. This wasn't going to work with a four wheeled one. I propped up the back end using a jack so that the wheels were an inch or so above the ground. Now all I needed to do was start the truck, put it in drive and put a big heavy stone on the gas pedal. Ferris Bueller would be proud.

I stood back and admired my work so far. The truck roared as the back wheels spun so fast they blurred. The only thing keeping it from speeding off was the jack, holding up the back.

“Stand back, Yuri!” I gestured. Yuri obediently backed up until he was at the edge of the parking lot.

“Stay!” He immediately parked his rear on the gravel and tilted his head at me.

I took a deep breath and kicked the jack as hard as I could. With a loud squeak the back end of the truck slammed hard into the pavement. Free of the jack, the truck zoomed right at the building's wall. I watched as it drew closer and closer before the truck smashed into the side with a loud crash! Chunks of brick and dust rained down on the sizable hole in the wall where the truck stopped. It was quiet, save for the hiss of steam coming from under the hood. I could look inside to see a ruined cash register and a few knocked over shelves.

Yes! I cheered and danced around. For once something went according to—


KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOM!


An invisible wave of air pressure and heat knocked me off my hooves and onto my side. The truck erupted into a literal ball of fire. I scrambled around to look at it and I saw the building buckle from the force of the explosion. My eyes stung from the intensity of the fire and heat and light lit up the area in shades of red and yellow. I gasped, watching as the building groaned and shook from the heat of the flames. I could hear popping noises as the medicine bottles inside exploded. The roof shuddered and collapsed around the truck. There was a foul smell as black oily smoke rose into the air.

Shit!

Yuri came running and began to nudge me to my hooves. He whined as pieces of brick and flaming paper dropped out of the sky around us. I could tell that he was nervous.

Oh shit fucking fuck!

I got up as he fussed over me, looking to see if I was hurt as I got up. As soon as I was steady, I turned right around and swiftly walked away from the fire. Yuri followed, looking worriedly back at the flames.  He had every right to be, I just set a building on fucking fire! God, I'm stupid as hell. I should have known something like that would have happened!

There was no hope of putting that out. The building itself was far away from other buildings and surrounded by pavement. Hopefully, it wouldn't spread. I hope.

My heart pounded as I picked up my pace as we raced to where my wagon is stashed.

Time to get the fuck out of here before I make everything worse!







> 6 - Dust and Pollen
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


“In death or in excess


Both the slave and the empress


Will return to the dirt I guess


Naked as when they came”


—”Montezuma” by Fleet Foxes




The run from Newtown was of haste and to a degree, shame. I felt awful. Of course I somehow would manage to light something on fire, none the less an entire building! I knew we needed to get out of there before it spreads and the heat and smoke kill us. If people come back, they won't have a home because of me. I already obliterated the medicine supply in my short sightedness.

If I wasn't so… sick… this wouldn't have happened.

I secretly prayed for rain to a God I didn't believe in. Perhaps if there actually was one, they'd take pity. Either there was no God or they just didn't care. It remained as dry as ever.

Newton still burned.

So like a coward, I ran.

I could still see the smoke cresting the hills as we moved away at a brisk pace. I was actually galloping at some point. Yuri kept up as well as he could with a sore paw. When I heard him start to yelp again, I stopped. All I could do was hug him and apologize over and over again. I apologized for being stupid and causing a building to explode. I apologized for even going on a goddamn hiking trip in the first place. I began to apologize for things I didn't even think I did. On and on I babbled.

Yuri listened and offered a comforting lick here and there.

We stayed close together as smoke and embers drifted into the sky.





We resumed our travels once I pulled myself together again. We couldn't stop now, not that we were getting closer and closer to home. I resolved that once there we'd take a good, long rest. I think we both have done more than our fair share of traveling, but we still had many miles to go.

It still remained dry and the heat began to pick up as June approached. The sun was beating down on the fields of wheat and barley, sending the smell of baking bread into the air. I found myself having to stop and rest in the shade at some point and I found that I could no longer sweat and panting only did so much to cool me down. I was forced to consume much more water than I thought just to stay at a stable temperature. Buzzing my wings, however, offered me some respite from the standing heat.

I now understood how Yuri must feel. He had on a fuzzy coat during the summer, but I had a whole goddamn suit of armor.

Perhaps bug monsters aren't suppose to be in hot temperatures? Judging by the fact I have excellent night vision, we were probably a nocturnal species that don't even come out during the day. Regardless, I was going to need to be more careful when traveling. The last thing I needed was to have a heat stroke and die out in the middle of no where.

At one point, we stopped to rest in a rather large farmstead. It was a large three story house that was painted white with a brown roof. There was a chimney that I hoped was actually functional. That meant I could actually cook something to eat. I didn't go inside yet as I wanted to search the property for any farm life.

There I found a milking parlor, but it was completely empty and dry. I examined the fencing around and found the high tensile wires have simply snapped. I reckoned that once the power failed, there was no stopping the cattle from just leaving. I have been around cattle before. If a cow decided she didn't want to stay there anymore, there wasn't really much you can do to stop a nearly two thousand pound animal. It seemed that was the case here. The electric fencing went down and the cattle left for greener pastures.

It was the same story with the hogs. The wooden fencing was chewed through and pushed out, the only evidence of pigs about were little trotter prints in the dried mud. Pigs are smarter than what people give them credit for so it didn’t surprise me that they were able to escape.

Chickens, however, not so much. I found a large enclosed coop of full of thin and miserable looking chickens. They had since run out of food and have eaten every single blade of grass in their enclosure. The broken egg shells littered about told me that they turned to eating their own eggs in desperation. There was a single chicken skeleton, picked clean. I opened the door and let them all out. They clucked about happily once free of their prison and to my shock, surrounded me.

I thought they might mistake me for a giant, tasty cricket, but surprisingly they just cooed and fluttered around me for a minute or two before rushing forth to snap up grass and bugs. One looked up at me and clucked loudly until I picked her up in my forelegs.

It was so surreal, she let me pick her up so easy! Chickens usually don't like strangers hassling them and what made it even weirder is when the hen touched her beak to my snout, it almost seemed like a little kiss. Blushing from how goddamn cute that was, I put her down and she waddled back to her flock.





Odd. Perhaps they were grateful? I couldn't read minds, but it seemed so. I was just glad I could let them out.

Yuri and I sat and watched them wander off into the fields.Maybe they were following the trail of the hogs and cattle? I imagined now that there was nobody to tend to them they'd revert back to their natural state. Wild pigs, cows and chickens! I doubt they'd be so good for the environment, but probably not as bad as what people have done.

I tried hard not to think about large scale factory farms.

The farmhouse was comfortable and pleasant. I was pleased to see that the fire place indeed was functional, so I started a cooking fire. Just the simple act of preparing and cooking lunch seemed to make me feel a lot better. It was even nicer to have that pleasant feeling in your belly. I heated up some canned beef stew in the pot. With my smaller size, I found I ate a little less and one can was good enough to satisfy both Yuri and I. This meant supplies would last me even longer than I originally planned.

We ate and rested. It was starting to get hotter as summer approached, so I imagined that houses would become more unbearable with the lack of air conditioning. They’d essentially be huge ovens unless they were under natural shade.

It was a good rest, however, and as soon as the pleasant sleepy feeling after a good meal passed, we packed up and left the farm behind.





In our journey, we passed multiple small towns and suburbs. Their immaculate lawns were becoming overgrown in the warm and rapidly approaching summer heat. I didn't stop to look through them as they probably didn't have what I needed in them. The less I looked through empty receptacles of humanity, the less It would weigh on my conscious.

Just keep moving, I told myself. Don't stop walking.

And walking we did until Bethlehem rose out of the encroaching woodland and greenery like its biblical namesake.  Heavy trees bent over old brick and mortar buildings.  Like everything else I encountered, it was empty and quiet. The only sound was the rustle of leaves and the squeaking of hanging signs in the breeze.

I was incredibly thankful to spy a pharmacy that wasn't burned down. It was a simple little mom and pop place and I dearly hoped it wouldn't be locked up like in Fort Knox. I decided to make it my first stop. The door was a simple glass door and checking the doors, I found it to be locked tight, but it was just one big pane of glass. I unhitched myself from my little cart and simply kicked the damn thing in. My back legs were a bit more powerful now and hardened skin gave me some protection from the shattered glass. I commanded Yuri to stay with the cart as I made my way inside.

It was absolutely crowded inside. Large shelves were stocked with everything from cold remedies to bottled old timey soda and candy. I was very glad to see that the metal shutters over the pharmacy counter was only pulled a little bit down. A set of keys and a moldy cup of coffee told me that the poor person was in the middle of locking up when the magic bullshit happened. I had to stack up boxes of soda just to reach the front counter to kick in the glass.

I was surprised how easy it was. Just a couple weeks ago I was terrified of jaywalking in case I got in trouble. Now, I was breaking into locked buildings and setting some on fire. Perhaps I was becoming desensitized to everything? Sure it was about survival, I had to keep telling myself that even if there were cops around, they had more important things to worry about besides a bug getting some medication.

When I found my medications in big jars, a sense of relief flowed over me like a dam bursting. Just holding the three jars in my hooves felt so wonderful. Tears prickled my eyes. I wouldn't have to be so terrified of going off my medication. Thinking about the withdrawal… the symptoms… it was almost too much. I was so glad I wouldn't have to face that.

I put them in a plastic bag and carried it triumphantly outside. Yuri must have sensed my happiness, because he began to walk in circles with his tail wagging hard and his muzzle in a happy doggy grin. I smiled and petted him as I put the medicine in my cart. Yuri was just so damned pleased that he let out a few loud barks. I winced from the noise.

Then I heard it.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

I froze. Yuri also went still, pricking his ears and tilting his head.

”Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

Oh no. I knew that sound.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”

There was a goddamn baby in that town.





I left the cart where it was. There wasn't any time to lose hooking it up and taking it along. This, to me, was a matter of life or death.

I ran as fast as my little hooves could carry me. I kept my ears perked as Yuri lead the race. His hearing was much better than mine and he seemed to know which way to go. As we ran through town, the sound of the wail grew closer and closer until we found ourselves in front of a small one story house.

"Hello?" I called out. I hoped to dear God that there was someone there with the baby.

The only answer I got was the wail growing higher in pitch.  

I tried the door and found that it was locked. So I turned around and kicked the door as hard as I could. Unlike the glass door of the pharmacy, it only dented slightly. Yuri barked and ran to the windows and looked back to me and whined. Taking the hint, I ran to them.

They were low enough to the ground where I could kick them in. The sound of shattering glass seemed to make the baby cry louder. Yuri squeezed past me, not even caring about the glass that could cut his paws up again as he ran into the darkness. I followed his fuzzy form as he made a beeline towards the back of the house.

The smell hit me first. It was like being next to an open sewer. The sickly, heavy smell of excrement and sickness. Yuri nudged open a door where the crying was strongest and I mentally prepared myself for what I would see. 





I could not prepare for what I saw. How could I? I was in a nursery. The walls were painted a soft blue where little framed pictures of Winnie the Pooh characters hung. There were piles of stuffed animals, toy blocks and large plastic cars. In the middle was a crib where a mobile of little rocket ships and stars hung over it. It was there the crying ebbed down into a watery weak cry and the smell intensified. I had to push a box over to stand on and then I  braced myself to take a look.

There, in absolute filth, was a tiny foal. He was a soft peach color, with a short brown mane and tail. Tiny little wings stuck out from his back, matte down with filth and grime. The diaper was ill fitting and wasn’t changed in days. The worst was how bony and thin he was. How weak he was. He was only able to turn his head slightly and look at me with large amber eyes, which were crusted up with neglect. 

My heart caught in my throat as a smile graced the tiny being’s face. He uttered a soft giggle and struggled to lift up his little forehooves in the ‘pick me up’ gesture. I was flabbergasted. I could sense the pain this little infant was in, but there was a sudden blossoming of warmth stemming out from him. I reached down as gently as I could and picked him up. I cradled him gently to my chest, not caring about the smell or the filth or anything like that. I just held him and he weakly nuzzled into the crook of my arm with a tiny muzzle. He let out a tired, content sigh. Yuri padded over and softly licked the child until he giggled softly.

I bent my neck down and gently kissed him on the forehead and rocked him gently. I could feel his heart grow weaker and weaker, but there was a sense of contentment and peace that seemed to radiate off the child. I tried not to cry and spoil the last moments this child had left on Earth, but I couldn’t stop hot bitter tears from sliding down my face. I continued to hold and rock the child for what seemed like hours. Minutes maybe? Time seemed to stop. The foal took on last gasping breath and then breathed no more. 

I continued to hold the baby until he grew cold in my arms; my chitin doing jack shit to keep him warm. 

It was then I cried.





I found out the baby’s name. His name is… was… Tyler. Little Tyler.

I cleaned him up the best I could with no running water and wrapped him in a soft fleece blanket. I could barely stand to look at the poor kid, the peaceful look on his face didn’t match the bones that jutted up from his skin. 

The backyard had a large tree and a beautiful garden. Bees and butterflies were everywhere, coming by to sip the nectar out of an ocean of colorful flowers. I didn’t have a shovel, so Yuri and I dug under the tree. He would dig for a bit and would then rest for me to take over. Back and forth we did this until we dug a fairly deep grave. With all the care I could, I placed little Tyler inside with a stuffed giraffe. Something to keep him company so he wouldn’t be alone. I had to choke back tears as I began to fill in the grave. I made a cairn of stones over it to keep animals from digging him back up. To mark the burial site, I placed a framed photo of Tyler over the mound of stones.

I sat there mournfully, just looking. Yuri laid down beside the grave and rested his head on the pile of stones. He sighed sadly. The feeling of grief was overwhelming. I sat there, weeping for the little life that was snuffed out before they had a chance to live. How long did that poor child lay there all alone slowly starving to death? Was this my fault? Could I have gotten here in time if I didn’t take all those moments to rest?

I thought of my mother when she was buried. There was a poem I knew that I recited then. With a shaky voice, I recalled it and recited it a second time.


“No winter without a spring


And beyond the dark horizon


Our hearts will once more sing…


For those who leave us for a while


Have only gone away


Out of a restless, care worn world


Into a brighter day” *


I kept my vigil until the sun set and the cool night took its place. It was then we took our leave, but I knew I would be mourning for a long time. 

I numbly fetched the wagon. It felt like I wasn’t there. That I wasn’t real. It seemed everything was on autopilot. I didn’t know where to go. Yuri had to pull me along. He lead me to a house with an open door. There, I unhitched and collapsed. I didn’t want to think or feel anymore. Every time I tried, the smiling face of Tyler would appear and a deep stab would go through my heart. It was only a matter of time until the same thing happened to me. How long will it be until I died all alone and afraid? Would there be anyone there to hold me as I drew my last breath?

I didn’t care anymore. I ignored Yuri’s gentle whines and sniffs. 

I just wanted to sleep.





It was dark and cold.

Wind blew fiercely over a landscape of shattered buildings and snow. The sky glowed an eerie green casting poisonous looking light over the dim world.

The larger slabs of knocked over walls and sidewalks had shadows burned into them. There were humans and little horses alike. They seemed happy as they frolicked together, the moment captured forever in silhouette burned directly into the concrete and brick. 

There was nothing left but sorrow. Nothing left but cold.

I walked alone in the wind and snow. 

I didn’t know where I was going, but I wanted to be away. If I stopped moving, I would surely freeze to death. 

I passed numerous charred skeletons. Some human. Some horse. Some a horrible twisted mess of the two. All burnt, black, brittle and half buried by frost and ice.

I looked up and saw her.

Princess Luna stood like a ghost. Her form flickered in and out of existence like a bad TV channel. Her blue coat was a stark contrast to the green and white. She look on at me as I drew closer, her expression unreadable and firm through the static.

A sense of rage crossed over me when I saw her.

“How dare you,” I whispered.

She inclined her head slightly towards me. 

“HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!” I shouted. “YOU FUCKING BITCH!”

She merely stood, her expression remained neutral but firm.

“YOU SHOULD HAVE LET US ALL DIE!” I screamed with all the pent up rage and grief I’ve bottled since this whole thing began. “YOU HAD NO RIGHT!”
 
I collapsed in the snow and cried. My tears froze as they dripped from my cheeks, but I didn’t care. Luna merely watched, the only thing moving was her nebula for a mane and tail. 

I thought about baby Tyler. I thought of the person who had crashed in the car. I thought about the millions of trapped animals slowly starving to death. I thought of elderly people trapped in nursing homes. I thought of people waiting on an operating table for a life saving surgery that will never happen. I thought of the International Space Station. Was there someone trapped up there watching the Earth as their oxygen levels grew lower and lower? 

Was this whole planet doomed to become a world of corpses? 

Luna watched me cry for a little while. Eventually, I heard the soft crunching of snow as she drew nearer. 

“Tell me, would you have wanted to die?” 

Her simple question cut me deep as I laid there in the snow. It took a while to think through the thick haze of grief and pain. 

I decided to be honest. 

“I...I don’t know.”





.
.
.


> 7 - Cosmonaut
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


‘When I orbited the Earth in a spaceship, I saw for the first time how beautiful our planet is. 
Mankind, let us preserve and increase this beauty, and not destroy it.’---Yuri Gagarin







I am Yuri.

It is the name my Person gave me long ago. It has something to do with the lights in the sky at night and a Person that went there. I do not understand it fully, but it is important to my Person.

My Person is sick. She has been sick for a very long time. It is my job to help her. I am a Helper.

Mother was a Helper too. She told my siblings and I that we would all also be Helpers. She Helped her Person who is also sick. He was very sad. He had to go away to a place for a long time with sand and death. When he came back, Mother Helped him when he cried at night and he told her of sad things. She Helped him and he gave back the wonderful things that only the People can give. I learned from my Person that it is called Love.

This was back when my name was the smell of rain on rocks. Now, I am Yuri.

I met my Person a long time ago. I was still young. I was taken to a place where the sharp smell stung my nose and many Persons laid in beds and could not rise. My Person was in this place. She was sick too. Her forelegs were bandaged up. She had long, thin strings stuck in them too. I was brought there by a Person that makes us into Helpers. I was to be her Helper.

My Person was happy when I was brought there. She pet my head and said what Persons call Words. I was happy to find she smelled happier. I was being a Helper already!

I learned special Words. I learned Come, Sit, Stay and many others. I am very clever. I even learned the special Word Yuri. That special Word is mine. I am proud to be Helper to a good Person that gives special Words.

I am proud to be a Helper. I help my Person. My Person is afraid sometimes. So I guard my Person. My Person has bad dreams. My Person needs many round things that she eats to feel better. My Person is ill. It is my job to bring the round things to my Person. They make her feel better.

My Person likes to go to the wood. She is learning to live there and to go through it. She takes me along. I am happy to be there! I can Help. I Help a lot.

I went with my Person to the place with a lot of other Persons. They sit all day and listen to another Person Talk. They make make marks on flat white things. I cannot help with the Talking or the making of marks, but I still Help by being there. It makes my Person feel better.

I was with my Person for so long that they left the place with the Talking. Now my Person was going to learn more about the wood. My Person seemed to be happy there. We went with other Persons, but I made sure to always look out for mine.

Then the strange thing happened. 

It was night when it happened. I saw my Person get strange. She got darker. She… changed. She still smelled like my Person so I knew it was my Person. I was confused. My person was different! She had a very hard time and I did my best to Help. I tried to understand what has happened, but I could not.

Later, my Person said the best Word. Home. It would be my job to Help her there. She was scared, but I will not let her be so. I would Help.

It was all strange. I only ever understood small Words. But I began to understand more of the Words. At first, it was small Words. But more and more Words came until the Words were like my own. My Person spoke and I can understand.

I learned that I became Different too. 

Some Words still escape me. I do not know some, but I am learning. I am clever.

I learned of the Sun and Moon that comes and goes. It means it has been a Day. We have been going home for many of these Days. My Person said it would be many more Days until we are Home.

Many things have happened since then. Some good and some bad. Many new things to smell and taste and many new things to see. I did my best to understand it. I did my best to keep my Person moving. To keep going to Home.

Now we have stopped.

It has been a Sun and a Moon since the death of the Little Person.

Now my Person is lying there. She does not want to rise. I can smell how sad she is. I am sad too. The Little Person had died. I am sad for the Little Person. I like Little Persons. My Person had to put the Little Person in the ground forever. I remember when Mother was put into the ground forever too. I was sad then. I am sad now.

I try to bring the bag of round things to my Person. She will not stir. She just sleeps. I have watched my Person open the bag before, so I do so now. I put the round things down in front of my Person. She only moves to turn away.

She will not eat the round things.

I remember that my Person will not eat the round things without water. I run to where I can smell water. It is a bright room with a bright, hard white thing. It has water there inside. I get a mouthful and hold it. I have to bring it to my Person.

I open my mouth over my Person's face and drop the water. She will not drink, but she makes angry and sad noises. She waves a foreleg at says what must be Angry Words at me. I understand some, but not all.

My Person gets like this. She does not mean it.

If my Person will not drink, then I will get my Person a food.

I cannot get a food from the hard tubes. I can get my food from the bag that is for me. It is closed, but I am clever. I chew it open and I can get a mouth of food.

I put it in a pile around my Person. She can eat now. She will not starve. I eat some too. It is hard work to be clever.

She still does not get up and sometimes she dreams and cries. I wash the tears away. I must keep my Person clean. I groom her face and back. There is no fur, but I still do my best. My poor, sick Person. I bring more water, sometimes she will drink, sometimes she will not. 

I cannot get her to eat a food. She must eat a food.

I lay down with my Person. I must keep her warm. I must keep her safe. It is my job to be a Helper and I am clever. I must watch. I must be aware. I cannot allow anything to come in the night to hurt my Person.

A Sun and a Moon come again. Still my Person will not eat the round things or take the water or the food.

I must take action. I must think.

I am strong. I must use that.

I take my Person in my jaws. I must get her up. I must.

I pull hard. She does not want to rise. I must make her.

I pull and pull and she is up. I must make her stand. She cries and shakes like when I was small and she was small too. I say that I am Sorry. It is a new word I have recently learned. 

I give her many kisses. I must keep her up.

I push. I push harder. She takes a step. I push again. She steps again. I push my Person harder and harder. I make her walk. I make her move. She cannot lay down forever. 

We are going Home. We will go Home. I am a Helper; she needs Help to move again.

I shout. I usually do not speak, but it is important now to shout. I shout at my Person that we must move again. She moves, but she looks sad. I shout that we must keep moving or else we will be in the ground forever too.

I bring the round things. She cries as she eats them. I understand that the round things are important. I was given round things once when I was sick. I was better. They will make my Person better. She gets her own water. She does not eat a food still.

It is okay. There are small steps. I am proud of my Person.

I wag my tail and shout! I am happy she ate the round things! My Person will be better now! 

It is time to go. We must go. I push my Person to the rolling thing with the sticks. She sees it and looks at me.

She says many Words to me. She says she is sorry. She says I am a good dog.

I am a good dog.

It is okay, I shout. You did not feel well. You are better now. 

I kiss her before she can cry again. There is no time to be sad. There is only time to go. We must get Home.

She puts the things on that makes the rolling thing follow her. She stumbles.

It is okay. I put my body against my Person. I will help her go. I will keep her steady. 

I guide her. My Person has to hold to the Special Helper Vest to help go. I go slow. We all go slow together. Whatever my person needs, I must do. 

I can smell rabbits in the grass. I can smell the sky and the oncoming rain. I can smell many things. I ignore them. I am a Helper. My job is important. I must guide my Person and be distracted by nothing. 

I love my Person. I must not let anything happen to her.

I do not understand the flat thing with the lines on it, but I do remember a Road. There is something in me that is pointing. I must follow it. We must follow it.

Together. 





> 8 - The Prime Directive
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


"The Prime Directive is not just a set of rules. It is a philosophy, and a very correct one. 
History has proven again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization, 
no matter how well intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous."


—Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek:The Next Generation






The light hurt my eyes.

I felt sluggish and weak, like waking up from oversleeping.

I found myself clenching the handle of Yuri's vest like a life raft in stormy seas. I was walking and he was guiding. We were following from what I recognized as Interstate 81.

Coming to after a bout of deep depression can sometimes be sudden and unexpected. One moment, I was wallowing in a self-blinded misery and the next I was suddenly able to see again. Really seeing. I saw that it was bright and sunny and there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. I didn't quite know how long I was out of it.

For those that have never had a severe depressive episode, it's like this. The pain and misery of the moment becomes all consuming. It's all you can think about. It's all you can dream about. Everything becomes a hundred times harder. Just waking up in the morning feels like disarming a bomb. It's much better to just… go away for a bit… just so you don't have to deal with the intense feeling. The simple act of eating is painful and horrible.

After all, how could I eat when that little baby would never get to eat again? It's thoughts like those that takes over all rational thinking.

You just want to lay down and die. Fighting for so long makes you feel so tired.

Now, I wanted to fight. I don't want to die. I just needed a little help.

Yuri must have sensed that my automated shuffling had become more fluid. He turned his head around and looked me right in the eyes. I saw in them unbridled joy and...

Wow, he has never looked at me like that before. He was looking. Not just observing, but looking. I could see the concern in his eyes turn into pure joy. He immediately whipped around with a loud and happy bark. He proceeded to nearly knock me and my cart over with the sheer force of his licking.

"Ack, Yuri!" I put up my hooves to shield myself from the assault, but he barged on through anyway, tail wagging so fast it was a blur. I tried to pet him, but his happiness made it so he could not stay still. He just paraded around me in the circle, barking and grumbling as loud as he could, occasionally rushing in to lick my face.

I still felt so sad; how could I not? But there was more warmth being thrown over me, stifling the cold feeling.

"I'm sorry, Yuri," I apologized for the millionth time. Yuri stopped his prancing to tilt his head at me. "I haven't really been… all that there. I'm sorry. I must have made you worry."

He sat and draped his paws over my shoulder. He then proceeded to fawn all over me, grumbling and licking.

It is okay, he seemed to say.

I smiled until my stomach let out a vicious growl. I didn't know how many days I was indisposed, but goddamn I was suddenly starving.

"Are you hungry, goofball?" I winked at Yuri.

He gave one short loud bark and licked his lips.

I laughed and unhitched myself from the cart and proceeded to dig in the back for something to eat.

Perhaps with Yuri keeping an eye on me, things will turn out alright.

After all, I'm still alive.









The smell told me where I was before I saw it. The scent of cocoa butter and sugar wafted in the air, most likely from several hundred tons of melting chocolate. I was in Hershey, also known as Chocolate Town for some folks.

I was pretty happy about it. I love chocolate and I can only hope my body can handle it. Poor Yuri, however. Being a dog, chocolate is a very strict no-no, but there's bound to be peanut butter goodies there for him too. He could eat a whole jar of the stuff in a matter of seconds.

Like always, the town was silent. I was used to it by now: the silence and the overwhelming pressure of wrongness one gets in a depopulated area. I may be used to it, but it doesn't stop my brain from getting weird from it. I could honestly swear I saw people in the corner of my eyes. I was sure I heard shouts and yells from the direction of the amusement park. Yuri, however, didn't react, proving it was all in my head.

Great, that's just what I needed, to go fucking crazy. I knew it would have been only a matter of time before my brain began to conspire against me. All the medicine in the world can't treat loneliness based hallucinations. I did my best to ignore the movement in the edges of my vision, but it was startling and exhausting. Perhaps it's because I'm in a tourist town? It just feels like it just needs to be filled with people. Especially on a warm summer day like this, but the rides remained still and empty.

We made a stop at Chocolate World outside the actual park. The cakes and other confectioneries have long since began to rot, but the candy still in packages were edible if a bit melted. I loaded up on all the chocolate I could carry. I needed the sugar as a pick me up. I can't drink alcohol so I make due with copious amounts of delicious chocolatey goodness. Mmmm. I used to have dreams when I was little about being locked in a candy store overnight and being able to go to town with no consequences. I felt like that now. I took just enough for me and that's it.

I even found some little peanut butter and peanut candies for Yuri.

Yuri enjoyed himself as he sniffed around the area. He could still probably smell the traces of hundreds of shoes left on the flooring. How he could smell anything through the thick smell of chocolate, I didn't know.

We left that place behind. There's just no point in sticking around longer than you had to.

I found that if I was smart enough, I could walk on three legs and eat a candy bar at the same time. The bar itself had long since melted into a smooth goo in the wrapper. So I just bit holes in the wrapper with my fangs and sucked out the chocolate like some weird vampire.

We made our way through. I didn't feel much like stopping to look at anything. It would most likely make things worse for me; getting out of there was probably our best best.

I consulted my map. We would need to cross the Susquehanna River after entering Harrisburg. From there, it was mostly a straight shot. It looked easy on paper, but to actually hike it? That's a different story.

When it began to grow dark and our paws and hooves were tired, we stopped to make camp for the night. It was routine by now. Breaking into houses got a little physically and psychologically easier with each instance. It was deceptively warm outside and I briefly entertained the thought of sleeping outside. But I didn't know what was out there. There may be no people, but there was bound to be other forms of life. Roving dogs and cats would be the least of my worries.

I found a suitable house and there I set out food and water. Without the millions of lights polluting the sky, the stars and moon shone brightly through the windows.

I looked up at them. It was so clear… I could even see the outer rim of our galaxy: the Milky Way.

“Hey, Yuri,” I broke the silence. Even now, hearing my voice was strange to me. Yuri looked up from his bowl of kibble expectantly.

“Do you think we'll be okay?”

He looked at me and wagged his tail. His answer was a quick lick to my nose and a pleased grumble.

I smiled. “Thanks, Yuri.”

We spent some time after that, looking out of the windows and watching the stars move with the rotation of the planet. For now, the hallucinations were quiet and still.

For now, everything was okay.





"Mr. Sulu, anything to report?"

I leaned back in my captain's chair. A chicken sat on my lap and I idly stroked it with a hoof. She purred loudly and occasionally let out a soft meow in pleasure. So far the bridge was orderly… as much as it could be. Yuri reclined in the second in command chair, his uniform tailored perfectly to suit his doggy form. He was eying my chicken with a hungry glint in his eyes. The four brass studs on my uniforms collar glinted in the light.

Mr. Sulu swiveled around in his chair from his position at the helm. "Nothing serious, Captain," he spoke. "Though there is a level 2 naked in class scenario coming up on the port side."

"Level two, you say?" I pulled on the sleeve of my uniform. "Can we navigate around it?"

"Of course," he replied. "It would only take maneuvering around a few patches of tea time with Grandma and Mother's apple pies. It should be easy."

I nodded. "Make it so! Let's go at warp five for a spell."

Mr. Sulu saluted me, turned around and began hacking at the controls with a fencing sword. His shirt disintegrated from the sheer force of his stabbing blows upon the controls. I sighed.

"Data, you better take over. He's doing that thing again." I facehoofed, careful not to disturb the chicken on my lap. The android went right to work and soon, the starship entered warp speed.

I watched the stars come and go on the large bridge screen for a little while, just enjoying the view. Instead of just inky blackness, space was alive with a rainbow of colors. Colorful nebulas and shining neutron stars decorated the vast expense. All around me, various crew members blurred in and out of existence. The actual bridge was fairly stable, but the further out you went the more the area became fuzzier and blurrier. Still, what was there was good.

This was going the most awesome dream ever.

I frowned as I looked over my crew. "Constable Odo! Lieutenant Worf! Why is Wesley Crusher here, on my bridge? He's suppose to be in the brig!"

"Apologies, my Captain." Odo grumbled as Worf put Wesley in a headlock and began to drag him, screaming and kicking, down the hallway. "He must have gotten out again."

"Go down and make sure everything is locked up tight." I frowned. "If anything else escaped, I want them caught and locked up again! Bring in Tuvok and Chekov if you must. They cannot escape."

Odo merely nodded and watched as Worf was forced to suplex a struggling Wesley into the carpet of the bridge. He eventually went over to help Worf subdue the most awful ensign ever.

With that matter taken care of, I figured I could at least relax and enjoy some sightseeing.

"Captain! There is… a being hailing us!" Uhura exclaimed, headset firmly around her ears.

"What?" I blinked and leaned forward. My chicken squawked and ran away, startled by my sudden movement. "Is it the borg?"

"No, Captain." Data's careful voice echoed in the bridge. "It is a creature outside of the ship. It is hailing us."

I mentally prepared myself; who the fuck was out in the middle of space? "Okay, bring it on screen."

The screen beeped and flickered as an image of a very familiar face appeared on the digital display.

"Permission to come aboard, Captain?" Princess Luna winked.

I blinked as my crew looked to me for what to do next. I was flabbergasted. I was angry. How dare she come back here!

"Wha..." I managed to squeak.

Luna gave me a look. "Please." Her tone was again firm but with a hint of gentleness. "I know you must still be very cross with me, but we indeed need to talk. May I come aboard and speak with you?"

"Can't you just come in here anyway? Whether I want it or not?" I grumbled. I rubbed my eyes with a hoof. Yuri glanced over at me with a look of worry.

"I dare not, not with a mind such as yours. Even so, it is your choice.”

I thought hard as I looked at her face on the screen. Yes, I was still very pissed. I was still very sad. I was still a lot of things. But could I just ignore her? I felt like if I did, she'd only just keep coming back until I agreed to talk. I suppose it was best to just get this over with.

I sighed. “Okay. I'll tell my crew to beam you aboard. I'll meet you in the transporter room.”

She gave me a small smile. “Thank you.” With that, the screen went blank.

“Data, Mr. Sulu, keep us on course. Yuri has the bridge until I return.” I stood up from my chair as Yuri sat up straight in his. He began to literally bark orders to the crew as I left.

I trudged my way to the transporter room. I wondered if Luna really wanted to talk or perhaps punish me for the outburst I had a while ago? I said some things that I believed were not tolerate being said to royalty. Still, I buttered my bread, it was time to eat it.

Princess Luna waited just as she said. She stood by the transporters, wearing—to my surprise—the old school yellow commander's uniform. The golden bars on her sleeves glittered in the blue light of the transporter room. Captain Kirk would be proud.





“Why am I not surprised?” I said aloud. I stood in the entrance, looking up at Princess Luna with disdain.

“I wished to remain in the spirit of things.” She touched the shimmering walls with a hoof. “I am very impressed, it is rare I find one who dreams so vividly and lucidly as you do.” She seemed to flicker around. For one second, I saw her as a man and then that man seemed to morph and change.

Was it possible that my dreams were somehow affecting Luna? Was she just nothing but dreams?

“Well, dreams were mostly all I had for a little while.” I gestured for her to follow me. “Come on, we'll talk in the conference room.”

She nodded and followed me as I lead her to the lift. We endured perhaps the most awkward three minutes ever as awful, cheesy elevator music piped out of the walls. None of us spoke a single word until we arrived at the conference room.

It was fairly simple. Plush carpet and red velvet swivel chairs were arranged tastefully around a large polished glass and wooden table. One wall was made of solid glass, so we could see the stars and nebula pass us by. A few potted plants stood in the corners, shifting species as soon as I stopped looking at them. I gestured with a hoof.

“Well, have a seat.” I sat down at the head of the table. I was captain of this vessel, I get to have the best chair.

“Thank you.” She took a seat beside me. Somehow, she managed to get her horse butt into the seat without it breaking. Perhaps she was using cheat codes or something. I cleared my throat.

“You wanted to talk to me, yes?” I tapped my hooves together and rested my chin on them.

“Yes.” She nodded. “You were, again, not in a very good… state when we last conversed. But I wish to know, have you thought about the question I asked you?”

I sighed and closed my eyes. “Yes. I decided that, well… I want to live. I like being alive.”

She smiled.

“But,” I added, giving her a harsh look, “it doesn't excuse what you for what you did.”

“For preventing mass extinction?” she tilted her head. “I fail to see how that is a bad thing.”

She flickered for a moment and opened her mouth.“How we deal with death... is at least as important as how... we deal...with life” came the voice of one Captain James T. Kirk.

I raised my eyebrow, but I still ground my teeth so hard I swear I saw sparks. “It is a bad thing.”

“Perhaps if you allow me to explain, you will see why we were forced to involve ourselves in the matter.”

“Sure, by all means.” I could barely keep the contempt out of my voice. “Explain away.”

Her horn lit up in a blue light. I watched as she began to lay down lines in the air, drawing in three dimensions with her horn. When finished, she pulled her horn away from her creation, but it remained lit.

Before me was something akin to a hologram, illustrating the milky way galaxy. The planets and stars moved around on the little map without much worry or care.

“Your people have always fascinated mine.” She looked fondly at the arm of the galaxy that contained the Sol system. For one split second, I could swear I could see the arm explode into a mess of stars and fires. When I rubbed my eyes, it was back to normal again.

 “My people… everything we are and what we can do is because of magic. It is us and we are it. Everything else spanning the universe has some magic and it shapes the beings and objects that occupy it.”

She waved her horn, until a hologram of Earth floated above the table.

“Except for yours. You have made your own forms of magic—We have... found all life forms—You have made medicines that combat the most terrible of diseases. You have split the atom. You have touched your moon. You have built wonderful machines and cities. All without true magic—in the galaxy are…. capable—You have done it all on your own, with the sweat of your brows and the dirt upon your hands.”

—of superior development— 

I listened carefully. It is true, human beings are pretty awesome.

“We were content to watch and observe. Until we noticed something quite alarming.”

The hologram changed once again to the galaxy view. A visible wave of… something rushed towards the arm of the Milky Way. It chilled me to look at it.

“Death was swiftly approaching. Your people were born not from magic and as a result, your people cannot make contact with it. It will kill you and every other human being on your planet.”

“Well, how do you know it was going to kill us?” 

She gave me a look that echoed both sadness and seriousness. “Trust me, we know how. It is a painful and horrible death. You live just long enough to contemplate the horrors of it, before you perish—Intuition, however illogical, is recognized as a command prerogative.”

I swallowed. Wow.

“It is much like this.” The hologram changed as she wove a new picture. “Imagine a world of water and there, against all odds, is a single island. It is a beautiful island full of unique life. On the island live humble little ants. Hardworking and industrious, they make their own little society.”

I watched as she illustrated her explanation. In blue and white lights, I saw little ants building cars and cities and going about their lives as the fish below observed their work.

“Now imagine that a wave is swiftly approaching to drown all the little ants. “

I watched the hologram as a tsunami rose above the little island, ready to snuff out all lives upon it.

“Risk Is…”

“So what, you turn them all into fuckin' fish?”

She blinked. “Yes. If it meant they would survive.” 

“There's another... way to survive. Mutual trust… and help.”

Man, hearing two voices intermingle was weird and unsettling.

I groaned loudly. “No offense, Your Majesty, but that is the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard.”

She looked taken aback, her nebulous mane pausing for just a second. “Explain—Explain.”

“Listen. I mean really listen.” I gestured with my hooves. “Earth is no stranger to mass extinctions. The K-T event, the dinosaurs, megafauna… all wiped out. All gone. Humanity was heading for an eventual extinction too. Either we were going to blow ourselves up to kingdom come or a new disease or a friggin' comet slamming into the planet would have done the job. The point is, nothing lasts forever here. With each extinction, something new and beautiful arises from the ashes.”

Luna stared at me, the hologram flickering as her concentration was on me. She was James Kirk. She was a pony. She was both. She was nothing.

“Risk Is…”

“Sure, this magic missile shit would have wiped us out. But instead of letting us die with dignity, you robbed the planet of its next creation. Who knows what would have followed us after humans died? What great civilization would have arisen now that we weren't the dominant species? That chance is now gone.”

I pointed a hoof at Luna, fire in my eyes. “INSTEAD, you and whoever else decided the best course of action would be to turn us into your species. You have forever altered this planet and took away it's ability to rebuild itself.”

Luna with equal fire, responded, “You said that you were glad to be alive. Surely if you are glad of it, there are many more that would be grateful to be able to still draw breath. Not one hundred percent efficient, of course...but nothing ever is.”

“Oh my god!” I held my head in my hooves. “That is a fallacy! If I were killed by this wave of magic, I wouldn't be alive to give an opinion! I would be dead! Nobody would be alive to give an opinion!”

“Risk Is…”

“Plus, there are people that are going to be in a worse mental state than I am. There's going to masses of suicides. There's going to be murder. There is going to be more Tylers. You can change our bodies, but you can't change our minds. So instead of a quick death, we get to drag it out.”

“Child.” Luna's voice took on an edge. “One of the advantages... of being a Captain... is being able to ask for advice... without necessarily having… to take it.”

“No, no you listen to me. This is my planet.” I snapped back. “What if we humans saw your species and decided the best thing to do was to turn you all into humans? Would you and your people be happy about that? What if we made most of you vanish, so that you get to find babies starved to death in their cribs?”

She looked at me, her visage steely.

“Risk is part of the game if you want to sit in that chair.”

“I will not apologize for what we have done to save your species,” she finally spoke, her voice everything like I imagined a princess to be. “What is done, is done. It cannot be reversed or altered. It is what it is.” 

“A little suffering... is good for the soul.”

“Well then. I just sincerely hope then you think hard before you pull this on another species.” I licked my fangs.

She and I stared at each other for a bit, unwavering and steadfast. Her, with every grace and intimidation of a monarch, and I, with the stubbornness and sarcasm that marked my species. She may be some intergalactic winged night god horse, but this is my brain. This is my planet. This is my life. She looked like she wanted to say something, but I cut her off.

“There's a little something humans came up with. It was mostly found in the show I based my dream off of, but it applies to real life.” I gestured to the window outside, showing the passing planets and star systems.

“It's called the Prime Directive. Pretty much, you don't meddle in the affairs of a 'lesser' species. No matter how tempting and no matter how good the intentions. You leave them alone. But you're right in that what's done is done. The only thing we can do now is try to live with what your people have done. ”

She rose to her hooves. “I will keep that in mind.”

“Another dream that failed. There's nothing sadder.”


With that, she faded away into blue and white sparkles, vanishing completely from my conference room.

I sat there for a spell, contemplating. I hoped I got through to her. She probably thought I was a huge asshole, but that's fine. I'm sure whoever else she talked too wasn't going to be super pleased with what she did with 'good intentions'. I was, also, terribly confused and unsettled. Hell, I wasn't even sure she was real yet, and not just some figment of my damaged mind.

“Christ,” I muttered, rubbing my temples. I got up to the replicator and put in an order for the biggest chocolate milkshake that could fit in the damn thing. Might as well try to enjoy the rest of the dream while I still could. The bridge needed its captain, after all.

I wasn't lying when I said I was happy to be alive. 

I just hope it will stay that way.





> 9 - Determination 
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and when
they catch you, they will kill you... but first they must catch you.” —Lord Frith — Watership Down 




The next morning, I woke up in a particularly bad mood. Of course, I was mostly mad at myself. Not only was a pleasant dream ruined, I still had no clue if that Princess Luna person was real or not. I could have been spending several nights arguing with a hallucination. Of course, leave it up to me to let my snark get out of of control to the point I was actually looking for arguments, real or not.

It gave me a lot to think about. The idea of intergalactic space horses being the cause of all of… this… is crazy at the best.

I chalked it up to going insane. That seemed to be the soundest explanation to everything. Just outright, bat shit insanity. Yup. Melissa the Insane Bug Monster. It has a good ring to it!

But still, it was nice to talk to something… someone… that actually talks back.

We had had woken up at dawn, as usual, and I was eager to get back on the road. It still smelled strongly of chocolate outside. Perhaps someday I could come back to 'rescue' all the chocolate. At least the walk back home would burn away all the calories that I have consumed so far in delicious sugary goodness. I may be a bug monster, but I didn't want my arteries to choke to death. If I even still had arteries.

Hell, when I find people, I'm going to see if I could get an X-ray or something.

On the way to Harrisburg, I took the liberty of replacing the candy in my wagon that I devoured yesterday. It gave me a good energy boost to keep walking.

Yuri kept pace with me for the most part. Occasionally, he'd move a few feet away to investigate various wildlife that found themselves on the pathways. I was surprised to see more snakes out and about, basking on the roads. Yuri would give them firm looks, but they ignored him the best they could.

“Yuri, leave the poor things alone,” I'd tell him every time he decided to go harass a poor woodland critter. This time it was a large snapping turtle attempting to cross the roadway. He'd listen to the most part, but would give the animals scathing looks.

Yuri sometimes reminded me of a bodyguard with how protective he is sometimes. It made me laugh that he would consider turtles and millipedes detrimental to my safety.

I looked off into the distance to see the unmistakable smokestacks of the Three Mile Island Nuclear Power Plant. Except… there was no smoke. That puzzled me, I thought that a nuclear plant would keep running until safeguards shut it down. I squinted into the distance. Nope. There wasn't even water vapor coming out of the stacks.







That actually chilled me for a second. Was there someone running around, shutting down power plants? Or… it was shut down BEFORE everyone vanished into… wherever my hallucination said they went?

Smells like a conspiracy. Better get myself a tin foil hat next time we raided a store.

Crossing the Susquehanna was another nerve-wracking experience, but I conquered it. I was just too tired and too fed up to pay attention to my numerous phobias. My meds helped quite a bit on that front too.

Harrisburg itself was like any other city I’ve passed through. Every available trash can and dumpster was strewn all over the place. The sheer number of cars parked off on the sides of the roads made the whole town claustrophobic. I looked at all the old buildings as I navigated my way through the city. I wondered how long it would take for the whole place to just fall apart; it looked like it was falling apart already.

I hate cities. I hate the lack of greenery. I hate all the concrete. I just hate them.

What made it worse was the sudden appearance of a mangy street cat. It looked matted and horrible, and it glared at me with one eye. Then, suddenly, another ugly cat showed up. And then another. And another. All of them following us at a lazy pace, stopping every time we stopped. At one point, I figured we had at least twenty stray cats all following us, hissing at each other and meowing obnoxiously. Yuri, furious, would sometimes turn and chase them away a bit. They'd run, but then come creeping back. No amount of shooing or hissing would get them to go away. More and more would just join the ranks. They continually chirped and huffed at each other, as though they were having a conversation.

It was creepy and disturbing. It felt like they were trying to stalk and eat us. Were they just going to follow us until we got tired, and then they'd come try to kill us? I held back my paranoia the best I could.

Never underestimate the evil of a cat.

We kept an even pace, not stopping to rest until we were well out of the city limits. The cats have 'escorted' us to the limits and then just sat and watched us go, still as little statues.

That has to take the cake of the creepiest thing in my journey so far. Empty houses and empty beds didn't hold a candle to a collective of cats. I considered myself very lucky.

I kept going, not stopping until we reached Mechanicsburg. I didn't want any cats following us or anything else. I stopped and raided a supermarket there to replenish my stock of actual food. It smelled awful, of course, with many pounds of rotting meat and frozen food. A lot of the produce had gone bad by then, but a lot of the more hardier fruits and veggies have survived. I made a quick lunch of apples, beef jerky, and carrots. I still thought it was pretty funny that I still could eat veggies with how sharp my teeth were.

Yuri, however, found something I THINK is meat. It was incredibly gross and smelly and had a green tinge to it. I tried to stop him but he gobbled it up faster than I could chase him. Typical dog.

Excluding rats and stray animals, I found no trace of life.

There was still daylight left to travel with, so we continued following the trail until the sun started to dip below the horizon. Suburban sprawl had filled the gap between Mechanicsburg and Carlisle, which meant there were plenty of houses to choose to stay in for the night, so I picked a nice, homely, little place with a porch swing. It was nice to just sit and rock on the thing. Yuri didn't want to join me, because sometimes he is a butt.

The stove inside was electric, which meant no hot meal could be cooked on it, so instead, I made a fire outside using my trusty steel wool and a 9 volt battery. A contained fire of course. I made sure to dig a little pit and line the area with stones. There, I cooked up a delicious trail meal of rice and SPAM. It truly was a meal for kings. We ate and spent the rest of the time looking up, watching the clouds move across the sky and obscuring the stars.

I was excited. We were getting closer to home. The miles between us and there was now measured in the lower double digits.

I almost couldn't sleep, but when I laid on the bed inside, I changed my tune. It was soft with the fluffiest pillows and blankets I could ever feel. It was so pleasant and nice we quickly fell asleep.





I opened my mouth and poked at my teeth with a hoof. They wiggled and wobbled, and I had to bite back tears as I felt them fall out of my gums. One by one, they splintered. I could feel them squeak in the bones of my jaw as they cracked and fell. I ran my tongue over my toothless mouth, feeling sharp pricks as teeth began to regrow to start the whole terrible process all over again.

I grasped a new tooth and pulled. It came out with a string. I pulled and pulled as miles and miles of red string kept coming out of the holes in my gums. I couldn't pull fast enough, and it hurt.

The area around me faded in and out as eyeless people watched me struggle with my mouth problems. They didn't say a single world. They just watched as their empty eye sockets just stared straight ahead.

I gave up trying to pull out the strings and the teeth, realizing it's a futile effort. My jaws ached so much. The strings began to wiggle, as if they were worms.

I looked around my dream. I saw no flash of blue, no sound of feathers, nor any explosions of stars.

I was alone.

My teeth on the ground began to scream, louder and louder until I could hardly stand it.

I didn't know if I was disappointed or not.






I slept terribly. Weird dreams and all. There was no appearance of Little Miss Moon Butt last night.

Oh well. That was probably a good thing.

Man, if a shrink got a hold of me now, they'd have a field day.

I packed up and we went back on the trail. I was nearly shaking with anticipation. So close! We were so close! Carlisle came and went with barely any acknowledgment from me. I felt like a toy, just marching on while my mind was elsewhere. Yuri was the one who kept his eyes and ears open for me while I thought about being hugged again.

I wondered what she would look like now.

We arrived in the outskirts of Shippensburg just as the sun was beginning to sink below the horizon. I checked my map in the fading light, and discovered that home was a mere twelve miles away from my current location. There weren't any houses close by, but I could see the dark shadows of the buildings ahead.

It was an elating thing. After all this hardship. After all this traveling and breaking into houses. We were close to home.

I wanted to push through the night, but reconsidered when I saw Yuri lay down on a spare patch of grass with a tired sigh. Poor dog, this was the longest stretch we've ever been on the trail together. At least while I was training to hike, we stayed in one place for a few days. Here, we couldn't really afford to stay too still. I wanted to get home to Grandma as soon as possible. There was the possibility she vanished along with most of everyone else, but if she didn't, I don't want her to be lonely.

I was her only grandchild after all, hell, I was her only family. In terms of people, we only have each other.

As much I wanted to keep going, the ache in my hooves and the tired sigh of Yuri told me that making the last leg of the run while sore and exhausted would be a bad idea. I bent down to check his paw pads. They looked all right for now, but I can tell some places were beginning to rub a little raw. It was definitely time to make camp.

“Come on, Yuri, let's find a house to sleep in.” Yuri wagged his tail in understanding and reluctantly got back to his paws. We made our way toward the actual town, the buildings casting huge black shadows along the grass and trees.

And then, we heard it.

A sharp scream punctured the air, coming from the direction of the more rural part of the town. I froze as the chill of dread washed through my body. Yuri's hackles immediately went up, his lips pulled back into a snarl.

The scream rang out again, closer this time. It sounded almost like a woman screaming, but I knew it was no woman. It was something more deadly than that. My sharper ears could hear rustling coming from a far patch of woodland as it drew closer.

I kept walking steadily, telling Yuri in a low voice to heel. He stuck close to my side, fur bristling and stiff legged. If it was what I thought it was, we needed to get somewhere safe without running. I couldn't stop Yuri from growling lowly at the direction of the noises.

When the sounds stopped, so did my heart for a second.

We were being stalked.

It was so hard to keep walking steadily. Everything in my body was screaming at me to RUN. The sudden shot of adrenaline was making me tremble, and it was a conscious constant effort to keep my hooves and legs steady. Yuri was furious. He bared his sizable fangs at every patch of darkness we passed. His tail as rigid and straight out behind him in obvious distress.

I could see the concrete roads and tall apartment buildings in the urban section of town with my sharp eyes. There, we could get inside and be safe.

Of course shit never works out how you want it.

Directly in front of us, in the shadows, a pair of eyes reflected green in the fading sunlight. Then, it began to slink forward.

A fully grown mountain lion.

It was easily a hundred pounds or more. Coiled muscles rippled under its sandy brown pelt. However, I could see the faint outline of ribs and spine through the fur. A heavy leather collar was fashioned around its neck. A worn piece of rope was still attached to the collar's D-ring. I could see the hungry and desperate glint in its eyes as it looked us over.

Great, a hungry mountain lion who was someone’s pet. It explained the thinness and the murderous look in its eyes. Perhaps it just managed to escape after going days without food. Lucky for Yuri and I, we looked like dinner.

Mountain lions were considered extinct on the East coast, but I was still taught how to handle one.

Rule one: Don't run.
Rule two: Intimidate it into leaving. If not, fight back and protect your neck.
Rule three: Get out of there.

Yuri was already telling the mountain lion that it was going to have a bad time if it got closer. Yuri was about 95 pounds of solid muscle and teeth. He wasn't a police dog or trained for any type of combat, but threatening me was a good way to get him angry and ready for it.

It ignored Yuri and eyed me instead. Oh shit. I probably looked like a delicious crayfish or some other delicious shellfish.

We were in some serious shit now.

Something clicked deep inside, and I too bared my fangs at the advancing predator. Deep instincts I didn't realize I had bubbled to the surface. Survive, it told me. My eyes tinted yellow as the protective eye membrane dropped down, anticipating violence. A deep feral hiss rose up out of my throat and my fin on my neck flare. For only being about three foot tall, I must have been intimidating as hell.






It must have worked a little, because the mountain lion stopped in mid step to stare at me. It has now become a standoff. Yuri and I versus a desperately hungry mountain lion. We stared at each other. I wanted to throw a rock or sticks, but I knew if I moved it would come for us. I had to make due with hissing and baring my fangs.

The choice was removed from me as the lion screamed and leapt the distance between us, heading right for me! I jumped to the side, causing the predator to land on the broomsticks connecting me to the cart. They snapped like dry twigs, and the force of the landing made me tumble away.

Yuri immediately jumped into the fray, snapping and barking as he bravely faced the lion. He took several slaps to the face from its broad paw and was knocked away, but not after landing a few vicious bites to it.

I struggled to my hooves as the mountain lion sprang at me again, aiming for my back. I turned around and kicked backwards, one hoof catching it in the chest. I heard something crack deep inside of it. The momentum knocked me down and the lion, now screaming with rage and pain came at me again. It jumped on my back as I kicked and hissed, survival overriding all other thought and actions. In order to hang on, it dug its claws into my carapace and grabbed my left wing at the root.

It was going to go for my neck next. I had to get it off! I bucked hard and twisted around to slam it as hard as I could into the ground. Unfortunately, I'm not very strong. It snarled. Suddenly, I felt a hard pull on my wing. With a horrible, wet stretching noise, a white hot lance of pain erupted where my wing is until something popped.

I rolled away and looked back to see my wing was still in it's mouth, ripped out by the root. The wing twitched as nerves within it continued to fire off.

I knew it should have hurt worse, but adrenaline and anger was dulling it. It took my WING. THE BASTARD!

It spit out my wing and made to come for me again. Yuri seemed to materialize out of nowhere and seized it by the foreleg. It screamed and turned around to meet Yuri, but the dog kept jerking it in a circle so it couldn't directly attack him.

Clever dog.

A wave of bitter anger radiated from my heart. I was PISSED.

I steeled myself and sprang at the lion, sinking my fangs deep into the shoulder until a rush of coppery blood filled my mouth. It kept screaming in a horrifying way, sounding almost like a woman being hurt as it turned and struggled to shake us off. My teeth and jaws ached from the force of it shaking, but I clung on for as long as I could, determined to put as much hurt as I could into my bite. Its desperation to survive won out, for it managed to shake us both off. Yuri yelped as he was thrown roughly off. I was flung to the side and landed on the empty pit that used to be my wing socket.

Son of a BITCH!

The pain was enough to take my breath away for a moment, and a moment was all it needed. It jumped into my face and began to bite and claw without discretion, trying to reach my throat. I managed to hold it off with a hoof to keep it from ripping out my throat. We exchanged wounds as we both bit and scratched each other. Pain flared in several places as deep scratches and bites marred my usually smooth chitin. I tore its nose with my fangs. My right ear throbbed in pain as it was practically shredded to pieces and I returned the favor to its own ear. My foreleg splintered as it was bitten with a force usually reserved for cracking open skulls, making me scream an unearthly wail. Its eye popped as my horn carved a line across its face. It growled at me and I growled and hissed back. I got three legs under its body and began kicking with all my might.

I didn't think I could get angrier.

I didn't travel over two hundred and fifty fucking miles… endure panic and paranoia, held a dying baby, and hallucinate a God Horse from Space to be stopped NOW.

NOT WHEN WE WERE CLOSE TO HOME!

Yuri recovered, grabbed the lion roughly by the scruff of its neck, hauled it off me, and threw it to the side. They resumed their vicious battle, fur was literally flying as they bit and tore at each other.

I wearily stood up. I was losing blood. It was practically pouring out of the empty hole in my back and the deep splintered cracks in my leg. I was so tired, but I was determined.

Now was not the time to lay down and give up. I wanted to LIVE! It was time to FIGHT for it!

I narrowed my eyes and lowered my head until the point of my curved horn was aligned with the struggling cat.

I want to live. I want to live! I WANT TO LIVE!

I didn't come THIS FAR and go through THIS MUCH TO GIVE UP NOW.

FUCK THAT!

I charged. The mountain lion looked up for a split second, held fast by Yuri's jaws. I saw its only remaining eye and the look it gave me.

It knew.

I didn't stop. My horn plunged into its neck. It screamed and gurgled as my horn struck it's jugular vein. I was was sprayed by gore as it jerked wildly as it struggled to escape. It struck one last time, cutting four lines of pain across my face.

Yuri held it down until it went down, gurgling as its lungs filled with blood. Then it was still.

It was over. The whole fight felt like it lasted for hours, but, in reality, it was less than a few minutes.

I collapsed as the adrenaline began to wear off, the sheer relief drowning it out. Everywhere hurt. Yuri shuffled over too, he was just as bad as I was. I held him as he began to try and lick my wounds. I couldn't help but to shake and cry, my tears making my various wounds sting. Sure, I've hunted before. Sure, I've killed bugs and things. I’ve caught rabbits in snares and fished. I’ve butchered my own bushmeat before.  But I've never… did this before. It looked at me, and it knew it was going to die. That alone was horrible enough. The emotional overload was making me sob as I went through anger, sadness, and pure relief.

It wasn't the mountain lion’s fault. It was only doing what it was supposed to do. I looked over at its still and rapidly cooling corpse. It just wanted to live.

But I wanted to live more.




I think I blacked out for a little bit after the fight was over. One minute, I was sitting up and crying, and the next, I was on the ground. Blood loss and stress will do that to you. The moon had already risen, bathing the area in light. My nocturnal eyes could now see easily in the brightness of it.

I was sure my left foreleg was broken. If I tried to put pressure on it, it caused me to nearly go breathless in pain. The chitin was splintered around deep bite holes. Peering through, I could make out the white of bone among all the blood. Huh, turns out I do have bones. At least most of my wounds have clotted up.

Thankfully, I learned to hobble on three legs. Yuri also gingerly walked with me. We left the wagon behind; there was no way either of us were going to be able to pull it. It took a little while, but I managed to take the harness off myself despite my numerous injuries. The only thing I took with me was a bag containing my medicine and first aid kit, which I held in my sore muzzle.

I went inside the first house we tried that wasn't locked. I wanted so badly to just collapse and go to sleep, but there were things that needed to be done first. Mainly cleaning wounds. I trudged to the bathroom and turned on the tap in the bathtub. I got some water out of it before the pipes emptied. Enough to wash ourselves at least.

First I had to peel Yuri’s vest and bandanna off of him, so I could see if he was injured underneath them. I found more puncture wounds and scratches that have pierced through the thick material. When that was finished, I ordered him into the bath. Yuri hesitated. He hates baths, but his face was now crusting up with blood. He looked completely awful. He was missing patches of fur, and he was scratched and bit all to hell and back. He eventually climbed into the tub, grumbling all the way.

I used a bar of soap and cleaned us up the best I could with one working foreleg. I had to bite down on a towel as I washed my injured leg; the pain was that bad. There were places I couldn't reach well, like the wounds on my back and the empty hole where my wing used to be. Turning my neck and head just hurt too damn badly. For that, Yuri bathed it with a patient tongue. Afterward, I had to make do with just laying gingerly on my back in the soapy water, gently roll, and pray it was enough.

If it wasn't, then, well, this wasn't going to end too well.

Drying off took even longer as both of us were sore and tender. Yuri whined and cried as I made sure to take as much dirt out of his cuts as I could. I cried too when it was my turn. Then I smeared us with all the antibacterial gel I had. I used the entire medkit’s stock of bandages and disinfectant taking care of the both of us. Yuri and I probably looked a little silly, being covered in white bandages. I had used a lot; I wanted to be safe than sorry. I would have to find clean ones in town later, for they were already starting to stain again with fresh blood.

Searching the kitchen rewarded me with wooden spoons, which I used to splint my leg. By now, the pain was so constant it was numbing. I was so tired and sore. I chased down some aspirin I found, but it only just took the edge off.

We crawled up on the bed in the master bedroom. Too tired to eat. Too tired to do much of anything. We curled up together. I used my good hoof to pet the uninjured portion of his head.

“Thank you, Yuri.” I told him. “I would be dead without you.” I smiled at him and he wagged his tail back. He grumbled, sighed, and nosed his face in under mine. I held him the best I could, using pillows to prop up sections of my body so I wasn't putting pressure on the worst of my injuries.

It was true that Yuri had prevented some aspects of my death, but really, it was me. I could have laid down and just let the mountain lion eat me, but well...

I looked out of the window as we laid on the soft bed. The moon was up and the stars twinkled in the cloudless night. I smirked. I found it funny that it took a mauling to really be firm in my resolve to keep going.

Tomorrow would be hard. We had to make sure we rested as well as could tonight.

Tomorrow we were going to go home.

Then we can rest.





> 10 - Home
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


"Gotta have opposites—dark and light, light and dark—in painting. It’s like in life. 


Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come. 


I’m waiting on the good times now." —Bob Ross






Well, turns out that not all plans work out.

I woke up in so much pain that it hurt to breathe. My body felt stiff and locked up all over, like I was already in rigor mortis. The sun was bright and higher in the sky, telling me it was later in the day. I must have slept well into the afternoon.

Silly me, I forgot that most injuries don't start hurting badly until the day after.

I was pretty much paralyzed in a stranger's bed while I tried my best to not start sobbing. I gingerly began to try to move, struggling to work out the stiffness out of my muscles and joints. It was agony. I was glad I kept the bottle of aspirin next to me while I slept. I chewed up as many as I dared too. The last thing I wanted was to add the delightful sensation of your stomach melting on top of the pain I was already in.

Luckily, Yuri escaped serious injury, but it looked as if he was still sore, and his movements were peppered with small whines and yelps. Poor guy, but at least he was mobile enough where he could get off of the bed easily enough.

Me, I had to do my best to wiggle out slowly, my three uninjured legs locked up and useless. I had to carefully tip myself over the bed, throwing pillows and blankets over the edge to try and cushion my fall. Oh God, it didn't work. Hitting the ground was enough to knock out my breath and cover my vision in large black dots. I honestly take back what I said about it not being the worst pain I've ever been in. This was pure unadulterated agony.

Crawling to the bathroom was even worse, but, thankfully, the aspirin kicked in enough to dull some of the pain, otherwise, I’m not even sure if I could’ve moved any further than an inch, if even that. I managed to do my business and crack open the faucet in the sink. For that, I had to stand on my hind legs, which pulled at the injuries on my side and back. It was worth it for the few precious mouthfuls of water, even if it tasted stale and metallic. Ugh.

There was no way I was going to be walking anywhere today. Goddammit.

After making it to the bathroom and back, I was done. There was no more moving around for me that day. Moving around caused some of my wounds to start bleeding again, so then came the wonderful task of changing bandages. There were no more commercial bandages to be found, but ripping up a bed-sheet with my sharp horn made for a quick, but inferior, replacement.

Half crazy with pain, I pretty much made peace that I was going to forever live on the floor. The carpet was my home now; there was no way I was going to crawl my way back unto the mattress. So there I lay on my least injured side, trying my best to get movement back into three of my limbs. Yuri walked around, stiff legged, as he investigated parts of the house. He tried bringing me a loaf of extremely moldy bread. The smell of it caused me to go into a gagging fit, threatening to expel the precious water I managed to drink. I don't think I was going to be eating much of anything for a while. He ate it, though, messily, which made my stomach tie up in knots.

It was late into the evening when I finally loosened up enough to be able to walk. Walking was a very generous way to put it. It was more like a slow three legged shuffle. A pillow case made for a good sling to keep my broken foreleg from having pressure putting into it. It took me a good half hour of shuffling and taking it slow to get from the bedroom to the kitchen. There I found something that increased our chances of getting out of here alive.

Honey.

There was a bottle of pure honey in the pantry. Not the fake boiled sugar type of honey, but the real stuff made by bee’s goodness. I gingerly used it and a clean washcloth to put some on both our wounds.

Honey, in case you didn't know, is both an antibacterial and an antimicrobial. It has been used for thousands of years to preserve food, treat wounds, and used as a sort of super food. Hell, there have been stories of dead bodies thousands of years old being preserved in honey.

It was only useful on cuts and scrapes so I didn't dare try packing any into the empty wing socket of mine. It was just too deep of a wound. I did, however, carefully spread some on the surface of my broken leg. It'll do in a pinch until I felt well enough to actually get some antibiotics. I also ate some of the honey to get a bit of energy back. It's good when you're sick, and I sure as hell didn't feel great enough to try a big meal or anything solid.

All I could really do was try and get some rest. Yuri joined me under the covers, making everything feel snug and cozy.

I fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep as my body worked to repair itself.





The next day, I still felt like crap. I felt hot and shaky. I checked my wounds and didn't find any trace of pus or anything to indicate infection setting in. That was good sign, but I still had to deal with the trauma aspect of getting mauled. I knew I was going to get sick from this, but just how sick I didn't know. For now, I was grateful I could move around a little better.

I still felt nauseous, so I ate honey again for breakfast. I waited a little bit for it to settle, and when I was confident I wasn't going to hurl everywhere, we set off.

I didn't need my map anymore. I knew where to go from here: it was just a matter of following the signs and roads. I wish I felt well enough to just go in a straight line, but I wasn't going to tangle with woodland without one working leg. Yuri didn't show it as much, but I could tell he was still tired and sore too. He had only some scratches and minor bites, but he was slammed around a lot. He was probably horribly bruised under all the fur.

I wanted to leave as soon as possible. I waited until at least the sun was out enough to warm the area before leaving the house.

I was sure the chilly feeling I had was due to some blood loss. Unfortunately, there wasn't really much I can do about that. I doubt any stored blood would have survived the power outage. Even then, could I even take human blood? I bled red, so at least I still had iron and oxygen based blood, but there was probably bigger differences in mine now.

I took it one single step at a time, bag of medicine in my jaws. It was maddeningly slow. One clip-clop at a time down the paved roads. I was slow enough that I could look around in the light of the rising sun. Vines and spreading flowers from gardens were growing out of control, spilling out onto sidewalks and climbing up empty buildings. Still no signs of intelligent life. It was just as empty as any other city. I had to close my eyes, as focusing on empty buildings drew valuable attention away from keeping my legs moving and steady.

What should have been a few hours tops turned into a full day. I was afraid to stop walking, lest I never got back up again, but I was forced to. Actually, it was more like my own body forced it. My legs would give out from under me, and I would have to lay there and rest enough to be able to stand up and walk again. At some points, Yuri carried the medicine bag for me, giving my sore jaws a break. He would also walk close to me on the side of my broken leg, offering support to keep me from tipping over and breaking something else.

We were both silent as our exodus took us through Shippensburg into the back roads of Chambersburg. There was a brief strip of woodland and farms before hitting the actual city portion of my hometown, and there, in the fading light, I could see several freed cows and even a few horses grazing on the overgrown lawns and pastures.

They raised their heads and watched me as I struggled my way past. Most likely they were examining me for threats. There wasn't anything Yuri and I could do, as once again we were forced into a rest as our bodies disagreed with how much stress we were putting on them. I watched as a single horse and cow approached.

I've worked with such animals before. I just laid there with Yuri, watching as they approached. The cow got there first, and she looked us both over. She was a typical Jersey Cow, covered in soft, brown fur with large, expressive eyes. She whooshed with her nostrils as she gave us a good sniff. The horse approached from the back, a very pretty bay mare. She gave me a good sniff all over, the hairs on her nose tickling as she moved. She pulled her head up and gave a hearty sneeze.

Yuri stayed still as well, panting good-naturedly and softly wagging his tail. The cow gave him a few licks on his head, which he took like a champ.

To my surprise, the mare and the cow looked at each other and then back to me.

“Hello,” I said softly, my voice cracking.

They flicked their ears at me, but seemed satisfied with something. After a brief moment of staring at us, they turned and lumbered away back to their respective herds. Once rejoined, they all once again put their heads to the sweet smelling grass and resumed their endless grazing.

That was hella weird, but I was glad the local farm life is doing all right. At least for the cows and horses. I watched them as I rested. Since I was deemed to not be a threat, they grazed without fear. They continued to move away as a group as they ate the grass, moving away to better grazing land.

I was able to get back up at the time and resume my journey. Yuri took his place at my side and in the fading twilight, we walked.

I knew we were close to home. We just needed to get there before we lay down and can't get up again. I followed the back roads until the pavement gave way to dirt and gravel. The moon has since risen and cast its light through the thick woodland. Houses were getting more and more scarce as we traveled further and further into the backwoods.

Eventually, we arrived.





Tucked in a quiet clearing was a single, one story house, perhaps as old as the hills themselves. The painted white shingles nearly glowed in the light of the moon, and the cheerful pink shutters were open. Around the paved walkway and wooden porch were enormous beds of flowers, the blossoms closed up with the coming of night. Tucked in the back, I could see the picket fence surrounding the small vegetable garden. A stone old fashioned well stood proudly while covered in creeping vines and morning glories. The various bird feeders hanging through the trees swayed gently in the breeze. There was a single old, red mailbox that marked the way onto the property. A single old pink Cadillac was parked in the overhang that made for a makeshift garage.

Home. We were finally home.

My tail wagged by itself as I was overcome with glee. We were home! Finally! Yuri barked and whined, wanting so badly to run ahead. Instead, he stuck with me and helped me walk the final distance between the mailbox and the screen door. “Grrnma!” I called out through a mouth full of plastic.

“GRRRRNMA!”

My hooves clip-clopped on the wood as we both struggled up the short steps.

The house was dark. It's okay. It's late, she is probably asleep. Yuri barked as I painfully reared up to try the door handle.

Unlocked! She was probably waiting for me to come home!

I struggled with the handle before I got the door open. The interior matched the outside. Accents of pink complimented the rustic feel of the place. Handmade wooden furniture was tastefully arranged, polished, and waxed to be bright and cheerful. Yuri barked loudly and ran ahead into the dark house as I took my time. Oh God, it felt so good to feel plush carpet again. I took a breath. The scents of baby powder, apples, and flowers were strong. It's how home always smelled. I spit out the bag I was carrying.

“Grandma! I'm home! I'm home!” I yelled as I painfully walked around the small but cozy house.

No response.

“Grandma?”

I walked down the tight hallway, cluttered with pictures hanging in any available space, heading toward the master bedroom.

The door was open.

I steeled myself for the worst and peeked in, my eyes nearly glowing in the dim light.

It was empty.

Empty.

No...

Yuri was searching the room, nose to the floor as he tried to follow a scent that wasn't there. The covers were crinkled over the form that had vanished. A trashy romance novel lay next to the pillow, the page still open. A dry glass that once held water was on the nightstand.

My back legs gave out as I sat roughly down on the carpet. I ignored the sudden jolt of pain.

Our travels were for nothing.

I was home, but it was missing the thing that made it home.

I wanted so badly to black out and escape from this reality. My teeth involuntarily ground together as I shook. Yuri gave up his search to come by my side. He whined. He was missing her too.

Should I have just stayed where I was? Was I just an idiot for going on this journey in the first place? I struggled to control my breathing. I was so sure… SO SURE.

I didn't even try to stop as hot tears darkened my already black cheeks. I felt helpless and empty. I was sad. I was disappointed. I was angry. I was a maelstrom of negative emotions.

Yuri cried along with me in a way only dogs can.

What was I going to do now?





I waited, refusing to sleep until the sun came up. I was in my own room, my own bed. The ownership of it did nothing to ease the pain of reality. It would have been easy to just let my brain take over and slip away to somewhere else for a bit, but I didn't. I made a promise to myself that I was going to buck up and not let my illness rule me. But it was so hard.

When Grandma wasn’t here, it just cemented reality for us.

The journey that nearly killed us didn't have a rainbow at the end.

I lay in my bed. I promised Yuri that, once home, we would rest and heal. I intended to make good on that promise, but things would be harder without Grandma's decades of wisdom. Grandma had to patch up soldiers while under fire with limited supplies and horrible conditions. If she didn't know how to help us, nobody would.

I knew if I gave up then, the ghost of Grandma, wherever she was, would be disappointed. She... was… a strong, tough lady who did her best to pass strength on to me.

It was up to me again. I was lucky we had an old fashioned well on our property, so there was fresh water. Drawing the crank with one leg was impossible, so I had to use my own mouth to turn the crank. I did my best to avoid hurting any of the flower blossoms that crawled up the stone, but my flailing hooves knocked a few down. Dammit. Yuri carried the bucket for me. He used to do that when Grandma would water her flowers, carrying buckets to her so she could empty it into a watering can.

This place was full of memories, but I was very grateful they were all good ones. Even though Grandma was missing, her presence was still there, and it made me feel slightly better.

Grandma was very much on old fashioned lady. She cooked with a wood stove and oven and kept kerosene lamps and other 'old timey' things. She never trusted the electrical or the water grid, telling me stories about being a little girl and having to cut ice to put in the icebox or surviving the terror of the first world war. I was grateful for that, for it made lighting the house and cooking easier. Everything was self contained, and if you knew where to look, there was plenty of supplies.

There was a pile of wood waiting to be used, a good pile of it in fact. Grandma was getting too old to use an axe, so she often bought her wood from the local sawmill. I was just lucky she already stocked up a big pile of it before I left on my ill fated trip.

I was able to heat up buckets of water with help from the wood stove, pouring it into the bathtub to have our first hot bath in a long time. Now armed with hot water and soap, I cleaned us both again and re-bandaged everything. I was satisfied that running soapy water through the hole in my wing socket only brought out water again. No pus, no more bleeding, no odors, nothing to indicate any deep infections in the both of us. Seems we escaped such a fate. That was something to be grateful about.

As for medicine, Grandma kept a large tin of bag balm, which I applied to our wounds. Again, there wasn't much I could do about my wing socket, but I did manage to give it a good clean. It started itching like hell and burning. I was going to have to get out and get better medicine.

I still didn't feel like eating anything solid, but a cup of tea was welcome. I sipped it slowly, wrapped in a warm blanket near the wood stove. I was getting chilly, which was not surprising seeing I still needed to get blood back. It was time to rest. I looked over to see Yuri sprawled out on the floor, snoring quietly as he slept off an enormous meal of canned dog food.

Things were peaceful under the warmth of the stove and the gentle glow of a kerosene lamp. Despite the bitter disappointment, maybe things will be all right?

I closed my eyes, hoping to dream of better times.





I was outside. The air was fresh and fragrant, full of the scent of thousands of flower blossoms. The sun was warm and heated my clean and unblemished chitin. I was no longer in pain, no longer utterly broken. I was whole again.

Before me was a large tree stump, set with an enormous spread of tea cakes and sandwiches. I had a tea cup and saucer before me, which was currently being filled with steaming herbal tea. I smiled. What made it lovely was not the tea being poured, but who was pouring it.

“Thank you, Grandma.” My smile was bittersweet.

The woman before me looked every bit of her age. In her nineties, her olive skin was wrinkled and her white hair frizzed outward, contained only with a straw sunhat. Her pale, brown eyes crinkled as she smiled back, and her elegant sundress fluttered in the gentle breeze. What used to be solid muscle has withered away into bones; the ravages of time were not kind to her. But she was still strong. Stronger than I was. There were no flickers in her, just a solidness. It was like she was really there, having tea with me.

She said nothing. She only smiled and radiated warmth and love as she sat and poured herself a cup of tea. The contents of the actual tea set switched colors occasionally, some things fading in and out of existence as I stopped looking at them. They weren't important.

I fiddled with my teacup and saucer in my hooves. A few tears slipped out despite myself. I wanted to try and enjoy this. I wanted to just stay here forever and feel warm again.

“I miss you a lot.” I finally spoke, my voice was soft and delicate, like it could shatter into a million pieces.

She nodded back at me.

“I don't know… what I'm going to do now. “ I used a foreleg to wipe at my eyes. Years of instruction of proper tea handling prevented me from spilling a drop of tea in my sadness. Even in my dreams, it’s hard to shake habit.

She looked at me for a moment, her expression one of love and compassion. She opened her mouth and spoke.

“Why, you shall continue to live, of course.”

I froze. Oh no. Oh nonononono.

Grandma changed. She seemed to stretch outwards, her kindly eyes glowing white as her skin turned blue. Dark wings like an angel spread outward, her sun hat flying away in the breeze.

NO.

Where once my kindly grandmother sat, was her.





Princess Luna put down the tea cup she was holding, her expression unreadable.

I was up in an instant, my dreamworld shaking as my temper took over.

“PUT HER BACK!” I screamed at the Princess, royalty be damned. I was livid. She only gave me a glance in return, not reacting at all at my burst of anger.

“PUT HER BACK RIGHT NOW!” my voice echoed, louder and louder as the dam that held back my grief and pain broke. The once gentle warm breeze was becoming a hurricane of cold. How dare her! How dare her!

Princess Luna, my most coherent hallucination, sat still, unaffected by my rage. My pain.

“Be still,” she finally said, and, at that, the wind stopped.

I was still angry. “WHY?”

“Because you need not torture yourself like this.” 

“What?” I narrowed my eyes.

“You do not need to do this to yourself,” she clarified. “Your loving grandmother shall return in time, you must have faith.”

“I don't believe you,” I snarled back at her. 

She tilted her head at me.

“I have to admit, you are the most coherent dream hallucination I've ever had! I've argued with you, talked with you...” I swallowed. “I think you're just here to keep me from going completely insane. Yeah… just keep hoping Grandma comes back, right? What a riot!” I laughed.

I already sounded absolutely insane.

She drew herself up. “I am no hallucination.”

“Even if you aren't, can you blame me? I'm not well!”

The sunny field was vanishing. The stump and tea set began to slowly crumble away into the ever present breeze.

“You've encouraged me, and you’ve gave me an explanation to things, that's exactly what my mind has done for years! It's a mechanism to keep me from doing something stupid, like cutting my own goddamn wrists open again!”

“I am sorry that I cannot convince you otherwise.” She seemed very regretful. “I cannot force you to believe what I say, but I can only hope you would listen. Believe it or not, I care.”

I gave her a funny look. Well, as far as hallucinations go, she did do nothing but try to give some comfort. Even during that weird Star Trek dream.

“Say your peace and, then, get out.” I was tired of being strung along like this. I was just so tired. I wanted to have a pleasant dream and just pretend for a little while that things were okay.

“You are not alone,” she said. “There are others if you choose to seek them.”

That got my interest. “Where.”

“Out east from here.” She raised her head. “There are others who dream.”

“East isn't very specific.” I frowned.

“East, where there was a great battle. The bones of thousands of men rest under fields and graves, scattered about. I saw as such in dreams.”

Well there was really only one place in Pennsylvania that matched that description.

“Gettysburg? You want me to go there?”

“Yes,” was her simple reply.

I thought for a moment. Regardless if this was a real person talking to me or not, it makes some sense. I can't stay at my house forever. It was able to sustain itself for a little while, but what happens if I run out of food? The garden is only supplemental. Eventually, the game will move out, leaving Yuri and I with no protein. There was barely any medicine or any disaster supplies. Eventually, I'd run out of my medication, and I didn't want that.

Sooner or later, I would have to leave. I couldn't stay there and risk starving or dying of some disease. Not only for my sake, but also for Yuri’s. There wasn't any veterinary supplies close by.

I wouldn't know what I'd do if something happened to Yuri.

I studied the Blue Godhorse before me. If she was pointing to Gettysburg, it would make a little sense. It wasn't too far away. It had a hospital. It had several orchards and wide scale farms. Streams stocked with fish and state game land. We wouldn't starve. If there were generators I could hook up, we'd have light and heat.

It made sense, but it's hard to contemplate leaving home, not when we just got here.

But I thought again. I knew my own illness well. Staying here was probably a bad idea. I would drive myself crazy with grief, no matter how much I tried to guard myself from it.

I would have to grow up yet again and leave home.

I looked over at Luna, her mane and tail sparkling with nebulae and stars. The scenery has faded away during my inner contemplation, leaving behind a dark, soft void. The only solid thing was a bed, plush and oversized.

I was so tired, and the soreness was creeping back into my subconscious.

“I am sorry,” the being apologized, sounding actually sincere. “You have gone through so much in such a short time. But please, do not lose sight of hope. I promise that all will be well.”

Automatically, I climbed into bed and sank deep into the warmth and softness. “It's all right, I guess,” I replied. Could I stay angry at a hallucination? It was only a reflection of myself, wasn't it?

Like a mother tucking in a child, a blue glow grabbed the comforter and pulled it to my chin.

“Sleep well.”

There was only blackness.





I jerked awake with a start. The early morning sunlight streamed in from the open windows. There were the sounds of birds’ songs and early morning insects alighting the air. I had to think for a second and try to remember where I was. I took a sniff of the air as my mind cleared.

Oh. I was home. 

I looked over to see Yuri still asleep, a puddle of drool under his maw. Occasionally, a paw would twitch in his sleep.

I looked down at myself. I was still semi mauled. My stomach still hurt. Everything still hurt.

Did I even have one last journey still in me? In us? Could I even tear myself away from the comforts of home to take a huge risk? Even if the reward might be a cure to slowly going insane from isolation? I was fucking crazy if I was going to listen to a magic horse spawned out of my subconscious. But did I really have a choice?

My foreleg ached as I quietly opened the wood stove and put another piece of wood on the cooling coals. Some still glowed a bright orange, much to my relief. I blew on it gently until a spark struck the wood and alighted it. Soon, there was a cheery fire, warming my cold body.

I didn't know what would be right to do, or what I was even capable of doing now.

But I better figure it out soon.







> 11 - Good Vibes
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


“There is this little song I wrote. I hope you learn it note for note


Like good little children. Don't worry, be happy


Listen to what I say. In your life expect some trouble


But when you worry, you make it double


Don't worry, be happy...”


—“Don’t Worry Be Happy”  by Bobby McFerrin




It didn't take me long to come to a decision, but there were other things to take care of first.

The first thing, of course, was to do the chores. I drew a bucket of water from the well and stoked the fire. As it heated, I sat and did my daily task of cleaning out our wounds.

I took care of Yuri first. He actually was looking a lot better than he did a few days ago: his cuts and scratches already were beginning to scab over. There were only a few deeper ones that I put bandages on. I would have been happier if I could have gave him stitches, but lack of fingers shot down that plan.

My own wounds were beginning to close up as well. The three worst areas were still giving me some problems, which was my wing socket, leg, and my ear. My right ear was practically shredded to pieces and refused to move. It took a lot more effort to move my left ear; it seemed to have lost the automatic movement of my uninjured ear. Shame… I thought my ears were pretty darn cute.

I undid my crude splint to examine my broken leg. It still looked horrible, but at least not infected. It has since clotted up and the shattered pieces of chitin were beginning to stick together. I moved it experimentally and immediately regretted it. The feeling of bone moving and rubbing their jagged edges up against each other is not a sensation you forget and I don’t think I ever will. I used two straight pieces of tinder that I had to re-splint it. It would do for a little while.

My wing socket itched like crazy as it healed. I wanted to scratch it but figured it would be a bad idea.

Re-bandaged and pleased to find no immediate infection, I went about cooking breakfast. It was still canned food, though. I was grateful Grandma often canned food herself in big mason jars. It was nice to have good, home grown vegetables and meat instead of that awful freeze dried stuff. At first, it was a bit intimidating to open those big jars, but I found out that if I put my hoof on top of the lids and flexed, it would remain stuck on the lid! It only worked on lids the same size as my hoof and bigger. Turns out the little hairs on my frog act like a vacuum seal almost. I think it’s hella cool.

Took me a little while to figure out how to unstick the lids from my hoof, but it was a nifty surprise regardless. I'd see if I can Spiderman it up on the walls if it weren't for the fact I was minus a working leg. Oh well, maybe when I was better I could try it.

Eating a hot meal with my best friend helped me think. Through bites of potatoes and pork, I weighed my options. Despite having field first aid training, I didn't have the ability to set my own bone. I could… but there were other factors, such as blood vessels and other things. Or perhaps my bone healing wrong and leaving me crippled. How long would a three legged bug monster last if canned food ran out and I had to hunt?

Hallucination or not, I was going to have to take the chance.

I looked over to Yuri, who was sucking down his bowl of meat and veggies like there was no tomorrow. He could probably hunt, but for how long? He was six years old, going on pretty good for a dog. How long would he be able to stay with me until...

On another thought… how long would I live for? I wasn't even human anymore. Could… Yuri outlive me?

I cut that line of thinking off. The last thing I needed was to fall into circular thinking, and end up in a severe depressive episode again. I could not afford that.

It was clear what my course of action should be, but I wanted to enjoy another day here. At home.

So we did just that.

I hobbled around the property, looking at everything. I visited the flowers and hoped that they would continue to grow without someone here to tend to them. I managed to sit in the Cadillac for a little while, pretending for a moment that I was riding shotgun as Grandma drove along during a sunny Sunday. Hell, I even went and sat in Grandma's recliner, just to see if there was any lingering warmth left. I made sure to take my medicine, enjoying the cool crisp water from the well. Yuri ran around the yard, trying to catch flies and eating them. Yuri had some toys lying around as well. It took me a while to figure out how to throw a ball but I got it eventually. Playing fetch seemed to take a little bit of the anxiety away.

It was a pleasant day.

That night, I crept into Grandma's room to look into her jewelry box. Grandma wasn't one to own a lot of jewelry, but she did have some. I selected a simple ring with a piece of amber set into it. It was a ring I got her for Christmas eons ago. I remembered buying the thing at the Renaissance Faire. Grandma always liked dressing up and going there.

I couldn't open any clasps to any of the necklaces, but a thick piece of twine served well enough. I put the ring around my neck. If I never came back home again, at least I could take a little something with me. Everything else was too large or cumbersome to carry even if I had all four legs in working order.

That night, I laid in Grandma's bed. My grief hadn't waned, but I was rational at least. I knew I needed to get a good night's sleep in. It was going to be a very tough walk tomorrow, but it was so hard. Yuri tried to show me how to do it, but he just sprawled out on his back and immediately fell asleep.

I ended up staying awake for a little while, chewing on an aspirin as I thought. It seemed all I have been doing lately is thinking.

I just hope I'm making the right decision.





A beam of warm sunlight filtered in through the slightly dusty windows. I didn't remember falling asleep last night. I was awake one moment and greeting the morning with another. Yuri was awake before I was and he was busy trying to dig a hole in the carpet.

Weird dog.

I chased down some more painkillers. I was going to run out soon, but I could raid a gas station along the way.

I set about getting ready. I fished out a very old D.A.R.E. fanny pack I could put my medicine in. They used to hand all sorts of these things out at school when I was still there. It was hideous, being bright neon yellow with eye searingly bright pink letters.  Dogs can't see in color, so I only felt a tiny glimmer of guilt when I strapped the atrocity to Yuri. He seemed pleased to be able to carry something, unaware he was carrying one of the lamest things I have hung onto from childhood.

I wrote a letter to Grandma on her hummingbird stationery. I had to hold a pencil in my mouth, but my jaws were feeling better enough to not hurt much anymore.


Dear Grandma,



I'm going east to Gettysburg with Yuri. I don't know if you'll ever be back 


to read this letter, but that's where I'm going. I plan to stay there.



I love you Grandma, I miss you.



—Mel


At least this letter was legible.





We ate a quick breakfast of cold potted meat, and, after being sure the fire was completely out in the wood stove, we walked out the door.

I stood there for a little bit on the porch, just looking out and breathing in the air. Taking in the sights and smells one last time, just savoring the atmosphere. With one last look around, I shut the door with a back hoof. I began to walk, Yuri taking his place beside me. I couldn't look back. If I did, I would’ve lost my nerve and gave up. I can't do that.

Inside my mind, I bade my childhood home a fond farewell and took to the trail once again.

At this point, no maps were needed. Gettysburg is a rather popular tourist town and there are a million signs pointing the way. The easiest thing to do is to find U.S. 30 East and follow that. Considering that I had a broken leg, it was the best option. The highway was flat and easy to travel on; the bonus being that the highway was also full of plenty of places to stop and rest if need be. It was an awkward affair. I hobbled my way east, taking it as slow as I dared. I didn't want to travel at dusk again, lest there be some other predator lurking about, especially since my journey will take me through Caledonia State Park. The last time I was there, I noticed a very healthy population of bears.

It was a thirty-five minute drive to Gettysburg, but walking is going to take much longer. It would probably take the entire day if I was lucky. So, as they say, no time like the present. Just one hoof in front of the other or, in my case, one hoof in front of everything.

The day wore on as we walked, slightly climbing in temperature. Thankfully, the heat didn't bother me as much as the brightness did. It was a nice clear sky, no clouds at all in the azure blue. And since I was traveling east, it meant the sun would be in my eyes for the first part of the journey. Thank God for built-in, biological transition lenses. I was very glad when we reached the forest of Caledonia. Last I checked, the road through that particular area was shaded and cool. It gave my poor eyes a respite from the unrelenting sunlight. I stopped to take a short break at the derelict iron furnace, pausing just long enough to get a drink of water from the stream and to stretch my sore legs. We stayed alert as we traveled, listening for bears or coyotes. So far, we heard nothing but typical birdsong and the occasional yelp of a fox.

The brief rest from the sun was short lived. We traveled some more until I couldn't walk anymore due to the pain. We made it at a gas station, where we just helped ourselves to some food, drinks, and, for me, some more painkillers. A lot of the things have long since spoiled, but the more sugar based foods still stayed edible. I knew better to drink soda and risk dehydration, so I helped myself to the more fancy and expensive bottles of water. For food, there’s always Slim Jims and peanuts. We rested until the sun began to pass overhead, heading west. With that annoyance out of the way and the medicine kicking in, we could resume our walk.

Hours and hours we walked. Trees and houses crept up and then trailed behind us. All empty and still, casting a strange and eerie vibe to the whole scene. Yet again, there were many farm animals, sheep, cows, pigs, chickens, and horses milling about, enjoying the day. Again we were looked at warily before being dismissed. At first, I thought I was some scary looking ugly bug monster. But if sheep didn't give a damn about me, perhaps I wasn't so scary after all...

Signs passed us, ticking down the miles until I'd be finished with this crazy journey. Double digits became one digit. One digit became zero. I ignored my growing pain in my leg and body; I had to push through. My head started to hurt at some point, but I tried not to think about it. I had to keep walking. I started to ignore the area around me, my vision tunneling as I kept pushing myself. Then I saw the town itself right in front of me.

Finally. Finally, we were here.

The town of Gettysburg is a strange mix of old and new. Many buildings have stood here since before the Civil War, and particular care was given to them to preserve them. The old stone houses stood out like sore thumbs among the modern brick and concrete houses of today. It's a strange feeling. Thousands of people died as they fought their way through town, bloodying the whole thing.

It's a town of ghosts, figuratively and literally.

I walked, ignoring the pain. Ignoring the shops capitalizing on the suffering of brothers being forced to kill each other. It always left a bad taste in my mouth. My legs were shaking and my head felt hot.

I made it to the circle: a concrete barrier in the middle of a roundabout. The inside is grassy, planted with fragrant flowers, and shaded with trees. Surrounding it was several shops and businesses, including a hotel. I collapsed with a groan among the flowers. I glanced up to see that the sun was preparing to set, the area growing darker as night was coming. It was still light enough to see well. I laid down for a little bit, breathing and stretching out my legs. I was so sore, and I don't think aspirin was going to do much for me anymore. My broken leg was hot and throbbed painfully. Yuri sat near me and looked down a street. He seemed to become a statue, peering into the encroaching darkness. Suddenly, he barked.

I wanted to just take a nap or something. Just close my eyes and rest a spell, but I looked to where he was facing. My breath caught in my throat.

There, in the darkening street, far far back at the end of the road, was a house with a light on.

I could scarcely believe it. There was a light on! Someone must have set up a generator and turned on the lights! I couldn't help but grin widely! I needed to go there.

I tried to get up, only to find that I was done for the day. My legs refused to hold my weight and my muscles once again decided to lock up on me. Trying to get up only resulted in more pain and made my head feel like it was being squeezed in a vice. I must have pushed myself too hard today. I gave up and just laid there. I looked over to Yuri.

“Go get help.”

He whined and looked at me, giving me a lick on the face. I giggled.

“I know, I know, but go find a person. Bring help.” I gave him a nuzzle on the face.

He paused for a moment, looking me over. Abruptly he sprung up and was off like a bullet, his paw pads making slapping noises as he tore down the street, barking loudly.

Eventually, his barks became fainter and fainter as he ran toward the lights. I took a moment to readjust myself, trying to get comfortable. At least it was pleasant among the flowers and the trees. It seemed like there wasn't any time at all before I heard Yuri's barks draw closer again. This time among the sound of his paws on pavement was a set of hooves clacking loudly.

“Hey! Come back here!” shouted a feminine voice. I pricked my good ear up and lifted my head. What ran into view after my dog was… different.





Before me was a goddamn unicorn out of a Lisa Frank nightmare. She… judging by her voice, was tall and slender. A long spiral horn poked out of her mane. She was covered in light yellow fur, and had a pink mane pulled into a simple ironic pony tail. In them, I could see a stripe of lighter pink and yellow in her mane and tail. The weirdest thing is that she sparkled. She actually sparkled, her body and hair looking like it was cut out of a piece of gem or crystal. Covering her body was a suit of medical scrubs, cut and altered to her form and patterned with little pictures of kittens and puppies. For a moment I was entranced by the beauty of her.

Oh no, I thought. She's hot.

Her pink eyes trailed to me as Yuri ran past, which widened considerably when she saw me. She stopped in her tracks and backed up a step. She felt… confused? Concerned? There was a touch of fear there too, I could feel it. I wanted to question just how I knew how she was feeling, but before I could think too hard on it, she spoke.

“Oh!” She watched as Yuri once again took his spot next to me and began to lick the back of my head. I sighed and put my head back down, sheer relief flooding over me. I found someone! Well, Yuri found them, but still... I wasn't alone anymore. Yuri wagged his tail and barked at the unicorn and then looked down at me again. She carefully walked closer until...

“Oh my god… what happened to you?” she exclaimed when she saw my crude splint and a gaping hole in my back.

“A mountain lion.” I grimaced as I adjusted myself again. It felt… weird talking to someone again. It was weird hearing someone again. It was all just… weird.

She was over me within a blink of an eye, all traces of fear was gone, leaving only determination. Without asking me permission at all, she began to run her hooves over the worst of my wounds. Usually, I would be hyper aware about someone in my personal space, but I was too tired and in pain to care. I let it slide, she was wearing medical scrubs after all. She began muttering to herself. I didn't catch all of it, but I did hear words such as 'lacerations' and 'infection'. When she came to my leg she stopped.

“Did you… did you splint this yourself?” she asked as she gingerly touched it, causing me to wince.

“Yes.”

“How long ago was this?”

“Uhhh… a few days.” I shook my head to try to clear up some of the ache. “I washed everything out real well and changed bandages daily. There wasn't much antibiotic cream left so I used honey.”

She nodded. “We're going to have to get you to the clinic. We have a generator set up, so I can take care of you.”

“I… I can't get up.” I must have sounded pathetic, but her expression softened.

“It'll be all right, I'm going to help you. My name is Sam, what's your name?” From there, a sensation of warmth was directed at me. Pure compassion was in her face.

“Melissa, but everyone just calls me Mel.” I replied as she seemed to finish giving me a look over. “That's Yuri, my service dog.” Yuri grumbled at the mention of his name.

She gave Yuri a glance, seemingly having missed the large 'SERVICE DOG' patches on his vest. There was a brief flicker of concern across her features. “I see. Well, I'm going to do something to help you get up. Don't be afraid, all right?”

I nodded back to her.

To my surprise, her horn alighted with a pale pink light and a soft hum. Yuri was surprised by this, backing up and growling slightly at the light. She turned and aimed her horn at me, and a thin beam of light rushed toward me.

“Umm...”

The light enveloped my body. It didn't hurt… but it felt odd, almost like there were a million tiny bubbles touching me at once. There was a sense of force behind it, but it was held back. I felt suddenly weightless as I was lifted up from the ground by a yard or so, and then carefully turned right side up. I looked through the pink haze to see the unicorn's face scrunched up in concentration and Yuri's confused face. There was a bit of sweat on her brow as it obviously took a bit of effort to move me. As soon as my three hooves touched the ground, the light cut out, leaving me standing wobbly. Yuri and the unicorn both came by, sandwiching me between both of them. I thought I was short compared to Yuri, but Sam was way taller than I am.

“Come on, we'll walk to the clinic. It's not far from here.” She smiled at me. I took that as my cue to begin to hobble. It was easier now to walk now that I didn't have to worry about falling down. 

“Are you a, um… doctor?” I asked In-between steps. It was a bit hard to concentrate on walking and talking at the same time.

“Just for animals, I'm a veterinarian, which I suppose works out now that we're all not human.”

“Are there others?” I pricked up my good ear.

“Oh yes, you'll meet them after we take care of you, all right?”

“Okay.” I focused on my steps, stumbling a few times, but both Sam the Unicorn and Yuri were there to help steady me. I focused on my legs and hooves so hard that I almost didn't notice when Sam stopped. I looked up from the ground to see a vet clinic. It was a newer building, made of gray bricks and decorated with metal cut outs of various animals. ‘GETTYSBURG ANIMAL HOSPITAL’ was printed in large, illuminated letters. To my delight, the doors were automatic and made getting inside so much easier. Sam encouraged me all the way and went slowly until finally we were inside and in a surgical suite. She turned on the lights, causing me to wince all over again. Seeing this, she quickly turned down the lights with an apology.

The suite reminded me of every vet visit I've ever been too. One side of the wall was full of empty cages, where recovering animals would be placed. There were a few scattered tables that were wiped sparkling clean. There was a cabinet humming with what had to be a refrigeration unit. That particular cabinet, was secured with a padlock. The sinks and counter were also spotless, where equally spotless equipment was stored. There were even scalpels and other surgical tools resting there, still in their sterile packages, waiting to be used.

I wanted to just lie on a table, but she had me sit on a scale first. Hrm... seventy pounds. I lost a good bit of weight since becoming a quadruped!

Sam helped me onto a table and once again slipped into doctor mode. She rushed about, gathering medical tools and cursing loudly about not being able to keep hooves sterile. I made myself as comfortable as I could until she came back, carrying a large box-like device in her teeth. She set it down on the table.

“This is a portable x-ray machine, specifically made for larger animals like horses.” She answered my question before I could even ask it. “I'm going to need to x-ray your foreleg, nothing else is broken, right?”

“No, just the leg.”

She nodded and picked up a scalpel in her teeth. With scary precision, she cut the bandages from my leg. She picked up the machine in her teeth and aimed it at my leg. I stayed still as I could while she took the necessary pictures. She didn't have a good look when she saw the developed images.

“Good God, your metacarpal bone is practically splintered down the middle!” She turned the machine around to show me, and I could see the white glow of my internal bone. It was in a pretty bad state. There were large cracks into the bones, and there were two obvious breaks, each in the spot where the mountain lion bit down.

“And you say a mountain lion did this? Where? And how are you still conscious from that?”

“It happened in Shippensburg. And well… lots and lots of painkillers,” I answered honestly.

She looked shocked. “You… did you walk here from there?”

“Yeeeep. But I went to Chambersburg first before coming here.”

“With a broken leg?”

“Uh-huh.”

She touched the pack of her hoof to my forehead, just under the horn.

“With a brewing fever too?”

“I guess so.”

“How many pain killers did you take?”

“A bunch.”

She stared at me with an expression of disbelief and shock. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before she managed to speak again.

“Well, you have to be the toughest little...” she trailed off as she looked me over.

“Bug-monster?” I supplied.

“You don't seem to be a monster, but yes, you seem to be a tough, little, insectoid equine.”

“Thanks?” It seemed to be a compliment to me.

“All right… I'm sorry to say but I'm going to have to anesthetize you in order to fix this leg.” She looked over the x-rays again. “I also want to perform a deep clean on you, give you some antibiotics. I am... honestly surprised you are not dead from infection by now. Especially since you say it's a mountain lion that bit you.”

At first glance, I really didn't want to be put under where I couldn't react, or escape, if I had to. I looked to Yuri, who was wandering around the room, looking and smelling at the various things.

“Okay, but Yuri stays all right?”

She looked like she was going to deny my request, but she looked again at the large letters on Yuri's service vest.

She finally nodded. “He's well trained, right?”

“Yep! Just tell him to sit and he won't move. And… and, um… could you please look at Yuri too? He got hurt as well.”

She nodded. “Of course.” She took a hoof and tenderly patted my shoulder. If I still had skin I would have probably blushed at that. She left to prepare herself, gathering tools and bottles of medicine with both her mouth and the glowing light from her horn. She stopped in the middle.

“Oh, random question. What's your favorite color?”

“Oh um...” I had to think about it for a second. “Green.”

She smiled and went about her business as I laid on the cold table. She was bringing several items: bandages, gauze, tools, and other things that she laid on a rolling table. She took one look at my chitin and, instead of stitches, grabbed a tube of medical glue. I closed my eyes to take a little rest, my good ear twitching in time as she moved about on the polished concrete floors. I opened my eyes again when I heard the snap of rubber.

She was there again. She had awkwardly pulled on rubber gloves and a face mask. It looked terribly silly, but, like she said, an infection would be bad right about now. She looked at my little muzzle for a little bit, before retrieving a small, clear plastic mask with a tube attached.

“I am going to administer some gas to you,” she explained. She used the light from her horn to turn a knob on a tank of gas. “This will keep you numb and asleep while I set your leg.”

Despite myself, I backed my ears nervously. It was something she immediately caught.

“Don't worry,” she said soothingly. “I promise that nothing bad will happen. You won't be asleep for long, and… Yuri, right? He'll be watching me as I work.”

I took another glance at Yuri, he seemed to be at ease. He gave me a big grin and wagged his tail when he saw me looking at him. I turned back, giving it my best brave face. She smiled and, then, using a combination of hooves and magic (she's a goddamn unicorn, it has to be magic), attached the mask to my face.

“Breathe in and count with me. From ten to zero, okay?”

I breathed in. The gas had a strange but familiar taste to it. I know this, I've had this before on my last hospital visit. But it wasn't so subtle anymore, I could pick out a lot more out of it than what my human nose could have done before.

“Ten...”

My head felt numb and cold. It instantly felt harder to keep my head up.

“Nine...”

My vision was getting spotty. I was dimly aware of someone helping my head to the table, but my ability to feel was rapidly being sapped away. I was aware of a far away voice giving me some encouragement, echoing my numbers.

“E-eight...”

I was slipping. I was...

“Se—”





'Let's put a happy little cloud up here.'

I felt my good ear twitch. I heard a soft, soothing male voice though the faint buzz of a television. Everything was dark and I felt numb, but oddly warm.

'Now lets just clean our two inch brush. We're using odorless paint thinner here. Just clean it out and then just beat the devil out of it! Now let's come up here and fluff out these clouds.'

I tried to move, but everything felt sluggish and slow. The strange numbness made moving a bigger effort than it was worth, so I just laid there. Instead, I opened my eyes, and then regretted it instantly as a bright light nearly blinded me.

“Nggh.”

'Now let's come up here and add a big strong mountain. Make him big and strong! Let's give him a friend, everyone needs friends.'

I opened my eyes again, this time the lights were dim. Everything was blurry and I had to blink a few times to clear my vision. 

I looked down. I was on a soft, foam mattress on the floor of some house. My head was put on a plush pillow, allowing me to comfortably look out into what appeared to be a living room. The room I was in was clean with bright cheerful blue walls nearly covered in decorations. The walls were full of shelves and glass bookcases, full of glass pipes and other handmade works of art out of wood and stone. Black-light posters of 60's psychedelic bands and weed culture were pinned to the walls, broken up once in awhile by rainbow motifs and tattoo flash. The floors were carpeted in green, making it look like there was grass growing in the house.

'Now get a little roll of paint on our knife. Just pull it and cut it. It's that easy.'

I looked down at myself to see that I was covered in a warm, thick quilted blanket, obviously home made. I couldn't see my actual body through it, but I felt very warm and comfortable. Beside me on the mattress too was Yuri, wagging his tail when he saw I was awake. It was hard to see detail, but I could see that a few of his deeper wounds were stitched up and he had some fresh bandages on his face. The rest I couldn't see under his service vest, but some bumps under the fabric told me he was taken care of there too. His fanny pack was gone, though.

I looked over to find out where the noise was coming from. In the center of the room was a large, brown couch that had obviously seen better days. In front was a wooden coffee table and a flat screen TV, which was playing a Bob Ross episode in super HD. The coffee table had several pieces of glassware on it, along with a burning candle and a small box. The medicine I brought with me was there, safe in their bottles, resting near the end of the table. The fanny pack was nowhere to be found.

The most interesting thing was the thing sitting on the couch. There, naked and resting comfortably, was another horse creature. He was a lot bigger than I was for sure, and was covered with muted green fur. The dude totally looks like Slash, with a long cascade of curly dark greenish gray hair for a mane and tail. I couldn't see his eyes due to the hair and a rainbow beanie cap planted firmly on his head. The beanie was pinning down his large, tufted ears. What made him different from Sam was that he didn't have a horn at all. Instead, two leathery bat wings were folded at his sides and little fangs poked out of his top lip. He was decorated with several glass beaded necklaces and bracelets. He seemed to just positively radiate with goodwill and compassion.





He didn't seem to know I was awake. I watched him take a large glass item from the coffee table, carefully as if holding a precious stone. It had water in it and he began packing something green into the a pipe sticking out of it.

Oh.

OH!

He lit the bowl with the candle and took a pull from the bong. Once the bowl was sufficiently ignited and glowing, he leaned back, placing the bong carefully on his 'lap'. He then proceeded to take another a hit of it, the smoke making a gurgling sound as the smoke traveled through the water and into his muzzle. The dude was getting high, to Bob Ross no less!

He coughed after inhaling, wiping his muzzle with a free hoof. At this point, sensation began to return to me, including to my injured leg. I moved it and winced with the sudden pain, not being able to stop a little groan from escaping my muzzle.

The bat horse looked over to me, and then smiled, putting down his still lit bong carefully on the counter.

“Heyyyy, man!” he greeted. I could almost feel the waves of cheerfulness as he directed a big smile at me. He awkwardly shuffled off the couch to land on all fours again, using a hoof to press MUTE on the TV remote. It was then I could see, of all things, a picture of a pot leaf suspended in a glass ball, on either side of his thighs.

Wow, okay.

I laid there and watched as he drew closer, his big green hooves muffled on the carpet. I looked back to Yuri to see he was completely relaxed, wagging his tail lazily as the stoner got closer. Eventually, he reached me.

“Yo, man, Sam told me you might wake up soon. How ya feeling, dude?” He spoke in the most stereotypical hippy voice ever: slow and completely passive.

I squeaked a few times before I could actually speak. “I… Okay... Leg hurts a bit...”

“Oh yeah, man, Sam said she had to do some totally wicked stuff to it, ‘cause it was all broken weird. Be back a sec.”

With that, he turned and marched off somewhere. My good ear twitched when I heard his hoof steps change to become sharper. He was obviously walking on hard floors now. Bob Ross continued to soothingly paint landscapes, albeit silently, on the television.

I looked at Yuri. “What do you think?”

Yuri grumbled and gave me a big doggy grin.

“All right.” I trusted Yuri. He's a good judge of character.

I tried moving around a bit, and managed to poke my broken leg out from under the quit. It was in a stiff cast and the whole area felt heavy.

And, of course, the cast is colored green. That made me smile.

Eventually, the green bat horse returned, a glass of water with a straw held with one wing, and a bottle of pills held in his mouth. He deposited both in front of me without spilling a single drop of water.

“Here, Sam said that if you, like, wake up and are in pain, to take two of these, ya dig?” He used his teeth to open up the bottle of pills, depositing two capsules on the mattress in front of me.

I gave them a sniff before swallowing them and taking a good long sip of water.

“How long?” I finally asked once the glass was half empty.

“That you were out? Only a few hours. I was here watching you!”

I gave him a look.

“Naw man, not like that! Emma and Sam had to get some stuff! We couldn't leave ya alone so I stayed.” He took a moment to adjust his hat with a hoof. I still couldn't see his eyes. “But well, I'm York, what can I call ya?”

“Melissa.” I answered. “Just call me Mel. That's Yuri.” I nodded my head at my dog. Yuri gave out a low quiet bark at the mention of his name.

“Cool beans.” He smiled, and then looked back to his bong. He face-hoofed. “Aww man, how rude of me! Do you want a hit, bro?”

“A bong hit?”

“Yeah man. I mean, you're gonna be staying here, in my house, for a bit, right? I can't just smoke and not offer any up!”

I blinked a couple times. “No thanks.” I’ve never smoked weed before. “Maybe… maybe later?” I added as an afterthought.

“Alright lil' bro.” He patted my shoulder, still beaming with such peace and love that my mouth felt like it was being shoved full of sugary treats. I took another sip of water to wash that weird feeling down. At least… I felt better. It felt great to be around the guy, and I couldn't help but smile back.

“That's right, man! Just let the good vibes flow!” He seemed very pleased to see me smile. “It heals, man, the good vibes. You can't just rely on the medical stuff, ya know?”

I nodded and thought back to the time I was hospitalized. I think I honestly would have recovered a lot better if there was an insanely happy dude around. It was almost unreal. It was like the dude was made of sunshine and rainbows.

It was weird, but I suddenly felt as though I ate a huge meal, like thanksgiving dinner. It was at the part where you feel just so comfortable and good that you just wanna take a nice long sleep. It was probably the drugs making me feel sleepy. I laid my head back down. 

“You all right, buggy bro?” He leaned in, concerned.

“Just… tired. But good? I feel a lot better”

“Yeah man. You oughta catch some more Z's. You have to rest up to meet my beautiful wife in the morning!” His good cheer seemed to light up the room as he moved to tuck me in. I noticed despite my fatigue, just how skilled he was with his hooves, not even using his mouth to move the covers. He adjusted my pillow and tucked me in, giving Yuri and I a pat on the head before stepping back.

“Now don't ya worry, I'll be up watching out for you guys.”

I believed him. I watched from my comfortable position as he took his place at the couch again. He turned on the sound again.

And, there, with the ultimate soothing sounds of a happy man with a happy afro painting happy little trees, I embraced sleep.





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“I am proud of you, little one”

“Sleep well.”

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