> Shadows of my Destiny
>  by EbonyDanger
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Shadows of my Destiny
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The impact did not hurt as much as she thought it would. Still it took all air out of her longues. The dark mare was slammed on the hard ground, sliding over it on her side. It felt as if a giantic beast had placed its hoof on her and crushed her like an insect. For a short moment Nightmare Moon could not feel anything apart from her burning body, which was sore as if it had been skinned.
The Elements are really powerful. And – ouch! – getting hit by a rainbow strand of pure magic hurts. Not to mention, that they are doing it for your own good. Nightmare Moon spat. The Elements of Harmony could kiss her backside. She would be back in no-time! But where was she actually?
Her lids felt heavy and thick like the ones of someone, who had not slept in ages. They trembled as Nightmare forced them to open. Her turqouise eyes widened and the slit, which was her pupil, became even more narrow as she examed her surroundings. Rock dessert. She was stuck on a rock dessert. White stone and above her the stars around the black sky. Somewhere in the distance Nightmare Moon spotted other galaxies, covered in their purple nebula. But that was not what killed her.
No, it was the sight of the large, blue ball, which hang far away from her, but still clearly to seen. The sunlight painted a white ring around it. Still Nightmare Moon could spotted green patches, white fluffy dots, which floated above the ball's surface. You've got to be kidding me! Nightmare jumped to her hooves. She spread her wings and took with a leap into the sky.
The mare did not get far. As she was five feeth above the ground, she made contact with an invisible barrier. It felt as if she had hitted glas. Blue lightnings danced over the surface of the barrier, where her legs, chest and wings had made contact. Nightmare Moon shouted in shock and surprise, before her wings snapped and she tumbled back to the surface of her rock, hitting the ground disreputbale with her chin.
„No!“, panted Nightmare Moon as she once again struggled back on her legs, „No, no, no!“ This cannot be! The Elements of Harmony, they banished me on my own, bloody moon! The realization shot through her and she threw her head back and let out a loud, terrifiying cry, full of anger, fury, hatred and sorrow.
After the sound left her lips, Nightmare's long, snake-like neck went down and she closed her eyes. Her darkblue, sparkeling mane danced around her small snout. She was breathing heavily. Her lips went back upwards and she revealed her long, sharp fangs. „Curse you, Celestia“, whispered Nightmare Moon, „Curse you and your precious gem stones! Where did you picked up this courage? How could you dare? Tell me, how could you lock away a true nightmare!?!“
„This is your faulth.“ Her ears twitched as she heard the voice, echoing through her body. It sounded thine, far away and fragile. As if the speaker was made out of glass. 
Nightmare lifted her head. „What do you say?“, she growled. Blasphemie! When she had taken her host, the silly filly had still been conscious. It did not looked like it had changed. And now this little foal dared to inculpate her. 
Her horn started to glow cyan. Nightmare Moon moved her head in slow circles. Her magic started to circle on its own in front of her. The blue, electric strands connected one another. The air was sucked out as the plate rotated around itself. It glowed and glowed, until it was white like a mirror. Nightmare narrowed her eyes and shield herself with her massive, black wings.
When she moved them away, the plate only had a cyan, sparkeling frame. It was as if Nightmare had made a cut in reality itself. Because in this area one could see a small mare standing in the same pose as Nightmare Moon did. The mare could even be called a filly, because it was so small. The fur was a lightblue and also the mane, former sparkeling and floating, now was made of simple strands like any horse mane. Sapphirre eyes looked up at Nightmare unsure and surprised.
„What did you say, Luna?“, repeated Nightmare and lifted one leg annoyed. 
Luna swallowed. As she spoke, her voice still was thine and quiet, but at least it did not shook in fear: „I said, it is your faulth, that we are up here. I agreed to a deal with you, yes, but I did not suspected it to go that way. I did not want to hurt Celestia. I did not want to kill her. You deserve that! This time on the moon. I wanted to be loved and not feared. It is all your faulth! I should have never let you in.“
Nightmare bared her teeth and for a couple of seconds it looked like she was about to tore Luna apart. But then the dark mare calmed down. Her expression turned into a pityfull, offended and pouty look. „This is my faulth?!“, she asked high pitched and pouted her lips. Nightmare laid an hoof on her own chest, „What an assumption! I only tried to help. Have you ever thought about Celestia? Couldn't this be her faulth as well?“
Luna stamped on the ground. She furrowed her brow. The blue alicorn shouted: „Tia tried to defend our nation. She banished us so we could not harm our people.“ 
Nightmare put her head aside, still looking sad. „So she placed the safety of her people above your own well-being?“ It was one simple question, but the small mare was startled. In her mind Nightmare Moon smiled. This is almost too easy.
Nightmare Moon sat down and opened her wings to invente Luna into an embrance. When the young mare hesitated, she pushed her further, tickled the doubt: „I mean, even when you became me, she did not questioned you. She just demanded you to fullfill your duty as you always do. She did not even tried to understand, what was going on with you. She did not thought about you, Luna. She only thought about her people and herself.“
„Th'is a lie!“, called Luna and angrily waved one hoof, „My sister loves me. You are the one to blame. You.....“ 
Nightmare laughed quietly and cut her off: „She loves you? Oh, really. I am sure, a truley loving sister would not use the Elements of Harmony against her own sister. Celestia made no difference, that she was facing you, her sister, and not another foe. Now this must be true love: Sending her own sibling for over onethousand years to the moon.“
Luna's fury melted away and was replaced by doubt. Her sapphireblue eyes widened. She collapsed on the ground and burried her face in her hooves. Her body shivered. Unseen Nightmare Moon smirked. Her caring voice echoed around Luna as she closed the portal, which allowed them to communicate: „So, whose faulth is it now?“ 

***

How many moons have passed? Celestia had stopped counting. What sense would it make to count one thousand winters? The pain in her heart was still as fresh as it had been only a few minutes after the banishment. And now six months had already passed. One said time erased pain, but for the Solar Princess this was a lie. She had not shown her pain to anyone. She had build a wall around her heart, made out of perfectness, kindness and all those attributes her subjects wished her to be. They did not saw her reality, they saw the reality, they had made out of her.
It was silent as the moon rose. Celestia's hooves barley made any sound as she walked over the cool gras. Her wings were folded and she moved with long, elegant steps. From a distance she looked like a swan. A swan, with an invisible wound in its flesh. Nopony accompaigned her. And Celestia was glad they did. How cruel irony! It was the nighttime, where the white mare could shred off the cover of the perfect princess.
Celestia had stopped by a lake. Her horn kept glowing golden as she softly moved the moon accross the sky. Its silver light painted soft shadows on the ground and turned everything grey. The water trembled and white dots swam on its waves. Its surface was destroyed every now and then as a tear fell into it.
Celestia rested her eyes on the moon. In all the silver one could see the dark imprints of several greyish patches, forming the silhouette of a mare's head with a horn. „I am so sorry, my dear sister“, whispered Celestia. Her voice trembled. I am sorry. How often had she spoken those words? Countless times. And whenever she said them, she felt like they were nothing but empty promises. She was appologicing. But what for?
Oh, what has made you go through all of this? Celestia blinked and destroyed another tear this way. In her dreams, she still saw Luna's shocked face, before the darkness literally swallowed her, corrupted her and revealed something, Celestia still did not dare to name. Nightmare Moon. The wicked mare of darkness. Her lost sister.
And Celestia also could not forget Luna's eyes, when she suddenley had broke out in her fury. „Did you really suspected me to sit idly by, while they all boast around in your precious light?“ The Solar Princess had faced a stranger during that time. „There can only be one Princess in Equestria. And that Princess shall be ME!“ A stranger with the face of her sister.
„Luna, I tried to find out everything. I tried to make sense out of what you did. But I couldn't understand it“, she whispered. Celestia remembered the lie, she had to tell her subjects, when they asked about the night's events. That dark powers had destroyed Princess Luna and that she was gone. In its core that was true, but Celestia had not told anypony, that it had been Luna herself, who had betrayed her. This thought still cut into her flesh. To watch her beloved sister transform into her foe. „I thought, you loved our kingdom as much as I did. Why did you hide your anger?“ 
Celestia dropped her head and shivered as more tears ran down her face. She had learned to barley show her feelings at a very young age. Immortal Alicorns were powerful and if their magic got free uncontrolled, desasters could happen. „I did not want to be your enemy. I really didn't. What was my role in your transformation? Was I the source of your anger?“
The white mare threw her head in her neck and looked back at the moon. The wind caressed her mane. It now was multicoloured, all shades of the rainbow, due to the fact, that she had used the Elements on her sister. Another sad reminder of the past. Celestia knew, Luna could never answer her all those questions, which circled around her head, centralising into one word: Why?
Celestia's glance slowly traveled over the city and stopped by the trees, which rustled in the distance. The Everfree Forest. Her old castle had been there. But since Luna's incedent Celestia had not even stepped a hoof under its dark, massive trees. But maybe if she looked there, she could find something, a letter or any other hint to Luna's action.
Celestia opened her majestic, white wings and took a leap to leave the ground. The wind caressed her and the place traveled beneath. Cities, rivers, fields of gras and flowers, everything in shades of grey, darkblue and violet. Above her was the nightsky. But it was no longer as beautiful and sparkeling as it used to be. Scince the true ruler of the moon was gone, the whole night had faded and lost its peace and inner beauty. It had turned into a pale black shadow of itself.
The Castle of the Royal Sisters was in ruins. They stood by the valley, which hold the tree of harmony. Walls had crumbled and towers collapsed. The forest had started to take the castle into its own realm. Ranks grew over grey stone and flowers blossomed between the stairs. Oh my..... Celestia shivered and landed on the ground. She rolled her wings as she folded them. The mare gulped. How strong your heart could beat! Until it took your breath away. The past. It laid in this castle like a hungry animal, waiting to swallow her.
Celestia sighted low. Your past is not only sad. Focus Celestia! You are here not to find out what had happened, but why it happend. The mare stretched her shoulders. There was no light in the castle ruins. The lamps were broken and the torch's wood had gone wet and molded away from the months.
Golden light flared around her long, white horn as Celestia stepped through the large wooden doors. The throne room was like she remembered it. The hole in the celling. The destroyed balustrade. The rethorn carpet. It was as if Nightmare Moon breathed through the room and hide in the shadows. Celestia started to trot with fast and hasty steps as she crossed the throne room. This was not her aim. No, her aim was another far more private place, located in the West Wing of the Castle. It was Luna's bed chamber.
The chamber was surprisingly intact. It looked as if Luna could enter it any moment with a smile. The blue blancet had some dust on it, but it was folded neatly. In front of the glass window hang the carpet and danced softly in the cold night air. The silvery door, which leaded to Luna's balconery swang back and forth, making soft sounds. And Celestia stood there and lost herself in the memorie of child laughter, bumping sounds, giggles and joyfull cheers. How old had Luna been during those memories? Maybe ten, maybe twenty. Such a young age, compared to a being, which could live beyond a millennia.
Then Celestia spotted a change, she did not remember. Partly hidden under Luna's bed lay a frame. The mare carefully stepped forwards. She used her hoof to pull the object out of its hiding place. It was a photograph. Herself, banned on a silver frame. Celestia sat stiff and proud, showing her beauty. But the glass, which protected the picture, was broken. Shattered pieces laid around. Luna had destroyed the image willingly.
Celestia touched her lips with her hoof as shock and realization hit her. Tears floated down her eyes and she whimpered. Her ears went back and for the very first time she allowed herself to really cry. Oh, sister, what have I done? Love. The answer to Luna's anger was so simple it hurt her. Celestia could have cursed her own foolishness. Luna had felt unloved and unwanted. No wonder. She ruled over a time, where nopony at all came out. Had Celestia actually ever laid eyes on Luna's nightsky? The Alicorn did not remember. How painful must it have been for Luna to watch her subjects, cheering and praising the Solar Princess, who reacted to it gratefully.
„Oh, Luna. I am so sorry.“ Celestia reached down with one hoof and carefully cleaned the image from the shattered glass pieces. „I have been a fool. You only wanted to be loved, to be adored, just like me.“ She remembered Luna's last real wish, she had voiced in front of her sister. „Please, can't we make the night last just a little bit longer?“ And how had Celestia react? Like a cold ruler. Where had been her head? How often had she rejected Luna, unwillingly?
Celestia carefully climbed on the bed. Covered in dust, it still had Luna's scent in it and Celestia took it with every sob. The moon's light caressed the once mighty Solar Princess, who just laid there, crying like a small foal. „Forgive me for being so blind, Luna“, Celestia whispered as she looked at the moon, „I love you and I miss you. I wish, I could set you free. I really wish.“ With another whimper the Princess closed her eyes to get some rest.

***

It was midnight as something shimmered in the bedroom. A bright blue light. As if the stars were flying into this place to keep the sleeping and sobbing Princess company. Slowly out of this light came Princess Luna. The blue Alicorn was weirdly transperent for it was only her mind, which had entered the dream realm. The only way to escape this exile. And maybe not for a long time.
Luna felt the tug of the iron chain around her. It was a magical chain, made out of darkness itself, and a constent reminder that she was Nightmare Moon's slave. Dreams for a life. A deal, which had gone wrong. Oh, so very wrong! 
Oh, Tia.... Luna's eyes were wide with pity as they rested on the white mare, who lay in her bed. Celestia had lain an hoof over her face to cover her watery eyes. She was still crying. One could maybe not hear the sound anymore, but Luna could see the bright lines of liquid crystals on her cheeks. Luna too would love to cry, but in this form she could not.
With silent steps Luna approached the bed. She carefully nestled into the bed next to Celestia. Her knees touched the white mare's legs and went through them. The blue Alicorn looked down at her sleeping sibling. Nightmare Moon may have planted the seed of doubt within Luna, but that did not meant, the younger Princess did not loved her sister.
I never stopped loving you, Tia. Deep in my heart, I always loved you. Luna softly laid her head on Celestia's neck and closed her eyes. Maybe deep down she also had known, that she was about to make a mistake. But sometimes the voice of conscience is overshadowed by the voices of jealousy, hate and bitterness. After all, Luna had also very good memories of Celestia. There had been a time, where her sister had not been just the ruler. But her sister. Her big, loving sister. How much Luna wanted those times back.
Wishing won't bring them back! And I am still trapped. Luna was not sure, what was worse. The fact, that she was exiled on the moon, watching earth, circeling around itself, celebrating the life in its blue in the darkness of the universe. Or the fact, that she was trapped far deeper in her own self. To see and feel this monster, that had taken her body was more then she could bear. 
But still Luna's feelings on Nightmare Moon were twisted. Despite the fact, that she now was on the moon, despite the fact, that her body no longer was her own, despite the fact, that the dark force even had tried to kill Celestia, there still was some kind of symphatie for the dark force in the Princess. Maybe because Nightmare had been the very first one to ever appreciate the night sky. Also that she had shown understanding and caring.
But those things aren't worth anything anymore. Luna hated the reality, which she had to face. Nightmare Moon had used her coldly for her own selfish aims. The dark force still was a mystery to her. Luna had no idea, where Nightmare came from, what she was or what was her goal. And on the other hoof, her dark alley knew more about her then it was in Luna's favour.
I am trapped in a prison of undying hate. Luna sighted low and opened her eyes. Celestia was still sleeping. Her face looked as sad and desperate as her. But was there also guilt in it? Luna had heard every conversation her older sister had with her, when she rose the moon. How much she loved to respond! But she did not knew how.
Luna's lips went down and tears glithered in her eyes. „I long for you to be with me, Tia“, she whispered, „More then ever. It is so lonley on the moon. Having only Nightmare Moon as my companion is so depressing. I wish, I could tell you, how much I love you. I am so sorry. I miss you.“
As Luna closed her eyes and opened them again, she found herself back into the dark shadowy something, that was Nightmare Moon. The chains, which came out of those dark mass formed more bars, wrapped themselves around her neck and legs. Luna gasped in shock and struggled. „Easy, child“, a familiar voice whispered, „Calm down. Then nothing will happen to you.“
Hasty Luna looked around. You! She was breathing in a fast and worried wheeze. „Where are you, Nightmare?“, she demanded to know. Large, turqouise eyes opened and stared down at her. Luna shrieked in shock and backed away. The chains rustled. Panting, she looked into those eyes, ears pulled back and waited.
„Go back to sleep, if you cannot stand it anymore“, Nightmare whispered, „Just sleep and you won't see anything. You won't know anything. And you won't have to see the pain on your sister's face. Sleep and forget your own pain, your own sorrow, your own sadness, your own name....“ Tears floated down the Princess' cheek and she gulped.
What use does it have to fight? I cannot do anything. Nightmare has me in her grip. I won't find any purpose in this darkness or hope of escape. Very slowly Luna laid down and closed her eyes. She sighted and wheeped. Maybe I should just forget that I even existed. If you can save me sister, then do it. For I see no reason in fighting anymore. Luna kept wheeping as she drifted off to her sleep. For a millennium.  

***

„Princess, are you listening to me?“ The voice of the rich colt was ennerving. It buzzed through her ears like the humming of a bumblebee. Celestia had looked at the coloured glass windows in her throne room. Moreover she had looked at the reddish window, which showed the rising silhouette of Nightmare Moon. The newest window in Equestria's history.
Celestia coughed and explained: „I beg you pardon. I have been thinking about political issues.“ She waved her hoof. „Could you please repeat your request?“ The perfect ruler. It fit on her face like a second skin or a mask. From the corner of her eyes Celestia sensed the questioning glance of Cherrysnaps, her advicer. The red unicorn with the round head was not so easily fooled like most of the folks. 
The dirty yellow stallion was looking a bit surprised, but then he stretched his shoulders. He said: „I was wondering, if you could think about the possibility to make a new celebration.“ 
Celestia blinked. „A new celebration?“, she repeated. 
„Yes“, the rich colt repeated, „You must know: The peasants still shiver when they think about the day, where the night did not seemed to end and you battled and banished the terrifiying Nightmare Moon. They had been so happy to see the sun rise after this period of darkness. So they want a celebration to remember this event.“
A celebration. For what? My greatest sin? Celestia demanded to know: „How are you imagining this 'celebration'?“ 
He scratched his neck and explained: „Something like the Day of Harmony Parade. You know: wonderful decorations. Maybe a theater play. But most of all, you must raise the sun, so we can celebrate the longest day of the year! It should be a nice celebration. Something to enjoy and wittness your glory, your majesty.“
Celestia furrowed her brow and the stallion fell silent in shock. Anger boiled up within the Alicorn's veins and the ignorance she just met disgusted her. Celebrate!?! You want to celebrate the banishment of my sister! You fool! You should moarn! For a short moment Celestia pictured, throwing this impedent colt into the Canterlot's dungeons. But her immense amount of self-controll allowed her to stay calm and foccussed.
„I see“, began Celestia coldly and stood up, „It is a rather interesting idea. I will consider it.“ 
The colt asked eagerly: „So will it take place? I already thought about a date and I could.....“ 
The white mare lifted an hoof and silenced the hasty stallion. „I said, I will consider it. But a decision like this takes time. You should not except an answer far too soon.“
With these words the Solar Princess turned around and slowly left the throne room through the side exit. As Celestia slowly made her way through the long corridors, she heard hoofsteps. The mare stopped and turned her head around. Cherrysnaps was sprinting towards her and jumped in her path. Her advicer bowed respectfully, before she again rose to her feet and spoke.
„What is the matter, your Highness? I have seen, that you were not really present during this conversation. And your answer was really short. Do you allow me to voice my opinion on the subject?“ Princess Celestia nodded. She trusted Cherrysnaps, despite her sharp tongue and constant criticism. The red unicorn explained: „I think, the peasants will need such a celebration. Not just as a reminder of the past, but also as a structure in the year. After all this event has been formative for our nation. You cannot act like it never happened.“
Celestia sighted. „I know, Cherrysnaps“, she admitted, „But it is still difficult for me. The way Filthy Gold spoke...I did not liked it. It sounded as if he wanted to gain profit out of this and I cannot allow such a thing. You know how much dear this night has been to me.“ Her face eclipsed and her ears lowered. „You still remember Princess Luna, right?“, she asked.
Cherrysnaps had served her for almost five years by now. „Of course I do“, responded the advicer, „I may not have seen her that much, but from what you told me about her, I can imagine how much you loved her.“ Celestia nodded and smiled. She was the world for me. Then her glance turned firm again. „This is my problem, Cherrysnaps: If I allow this celebration, my ponies will remember my dear sister as a monster and I do not want that to happen.“
Cherrysnaps opened her maw to once again voice her opinion, but Celestia lifted a hoof. „As much as I appreciate your advice, my friend, I cannot take it this time. I fear, this matter is something, I have to figure out with my conscience on my own.“ Cherrysnaps snorted angrily. Celestia softly pushed her advicer with her wing backwards. „I let nopony dictate, how they will remember my sister. You are dismissed, Cherrysnaps.“

***

Celestia's private chambers laid once again in the East Wing of the castle. The white mare had already passed her guards and now slowly entered her bed chamber. It was a large room.  A fire burned in its chimney. Several soft, purple blancets laid on the marble floor. The walls were decorated with mosaics, that showed important events or nature panorama like the rising of the sun. At a window stood a large table and in the shelves laid several books.
Only one living being apart from Celestia was in the bedchamber. On a golden bar sat a large bird as big as a swan. It had beautiful, firered feathers and golden eyes. The animal spread its majestic wings and let out a soft melodie as a greeting. Celestia smiled sadly. „It has been a long day, Philomena“, she whispered.
Celestia slowly walked to the fireplace and sat down. Her phonix rose from her place and sat down besides her. Philomena tilted her head aside and made a questioning, chirping sound. The white Alicorn kept looking into the flames as she explained: „I have to make a decision. I do not like the idea of this celebration. I really don't. It fills me with so much shame, when I think about it. But I can understand that my little ponies will need it. As a way to remember.“
Celestia sighted low and lowered her head. „But to remember what? A day, where I fought something, they see as a monster. When I told the lie, that Luna was gone, I had to realize how less my ponies know about her.“ Her dawncoloured eyes rested on a photograph, which hang besides the fireplace. It showed Luna, banned on silver. Unlike Celestia she looked rather impatient, her ear twitched and her legs looked like she wanted to jump to her feet. Tears again glittered in the Solar Princess' eyes. „I had to realize, how less I myself knew about her.“
Celestia looked at Philomena. „I cannot bear the thought of my ponies, celebrating the banishment of my own sister, and only seeing a monster“, she explained sadly and caressed the bird's head, „I need to find a way to honour my sister's name, until she will return. But how am I suppose to do that?“
Philomena chirped and flew to the bookshelf. She circled around it for several minutes. „What do you want to show me, my faithful pet?“, asked Celestia and stood up. She realized that the phoenix was looking at one certain book. Her golden magic enwrapped itself around the object and she placed it on the table.
The book was huge and enwrapped in darkbrown leather. A golden unicorn head was stamped onto it. Celestia lifted a brow and looked at Philomena in surprise. „The Diary of Fate?“, she asked. When the two Royal Sisters had been coronated, Starswirl the Bearded had made them a unique present. A book, that could automatically depict important events in the cause of history.
The phoenix nodded in agreement and cooed. She softly pushed her head against Celestia's leg. The mare took a deep breath, before she opened the book. Images showed every important event in its own story. The Banishment of Tirek, the centaur, who had stolen magic. The Defeat of King Sombra, the enslaver of his own people. The Imprisonment of Discord, who had plunged the world into chaos.
But as Celestia opened the next page, she looked at white parchment. In front of her eyes images started to fill the pages. They were in the same simple, but beautiful style as the others and they showed two alicorns. Celestia again felt the tears, rising in her eyes, as she watched the past coming to live in this images.
The Alicorn looked at Philomena. „A fairy tale?“, she asked, „For the young ones to learn. And a celebration for the nation to remember?“ Her phoenix cooed again and softly placed a feather in front of the book. Celestia slowly lifted it with her hooves. Her eyes shimmered thoughtfully as she looked at the feather and then back at the Diary of Fate. Her horn started to glow golden and Celestia slowly dipped the feather in a pot of ink and started to write under the pictures: Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria, there were two equal sisters, who ruled together and created harmony for all the land...