In The Bloodstream
"Cadance stop!"
Small bottles of injectable sedatives laid scattered on the carpet, the bedroom smelled of lavender oil and an indistinguishable sweetish tea.
Strands of pinkish hair covered her face, as she dropped the last syringe on the floor – a metallic clink echoed inside their ears, as her blood flowed through the throbbing valves of heart, carrying artificial molecules of benzodiazepines.
It was soon in her central nervous system, enhancing the effects of a specific neurotransmitter, numbing the receptors – it flowed and fused, down her spine and into her brain. For a second she felt terrible, but the feeling quickly evaporated as her daily dose of sleep-inducing drugs immediately started to act.
"Get out- Get out of my room!"
"Honey, I'm sorry – I swear – It's not what-"
"Honey? What you- you..." She muttered, her voice gradually fading away as she tried to express such an inexpressible frustration. "Please, just- just leave."
"Please Cadance... Let's talk – we'll work things out." He insisted.
Shining Armor knew how to be a nice gentlecolt when he wanted to. But his gentle warm eyes could no longer convince his wife.
"I said leave! I don't want to see your face anymore, Shining Armor." She yelled. "This was- enough!"
Alicorns don't cry.
They stated, repeated, affirmed, this same sentence – as Cadance grew older, and the blades of reality started to pierce her shield. 'Don't touch this, don't walk this way, smile, stay calm, smile, don't ever say that in public, you can't eat this.'
'It's ruining your make up! Stop crying, Cadance!'
Oh, but she wanted. Many times she tried to let her tears go, but they refused to leave peacefully.
And as the stallion closed the door with a thud, finally leaving the princess alone, her legs started to shake as if all her strength had been sucked out by her husband.
And indeed it was, in a way. Her energy was progressively fading away, as anger and frustration vandalized her heart, breaking the walls of self control, like a small crack in a dam turns into a fissure, and the fissure into a disaster. It was difficult to build confidence, difficult to keep it – but trust is something very fragile, and can be easily shattered in a few seconds.
Shining Armor was her cornerstone – and when cornerstones fall, all the rest collapses.
And so it happened. The princess of love collapsed on her bed – not crying, not screaming – but thinking. The drug turned her mind into a cold nebulous world, and for another day, it would stay immersed in this artificial calmness.
Some thoughts managed to emerge from time to time, in different states and tones, and it is worth to remember that thoughts can be your worst enemies – tears get dry and disappear, a scream echoes through the corridors and is eventually silenced – but thoughts... thoughts keep pounding your head, they come and go, rise and fall like sound waves in an ocean of noise.
Unlike tears and screams, thoughts won't dry out – they can't be silenced through conventional means – and will eventually elicit actions. They can be dangerous little things, and Cadance was very aware of this fact.
She was also aware, that as a princess, she was supposed to be anything but a bad example. Cadance was created to be the best - the best in love, the best in being charming, polite, sweet. She was the best wife, and still - Shining had managed to sleep with another mare.
'Stallions...' She thought, letting out a long sigh.
Yes, stallions and their urges – a bunch of beasts – brutes wearing civilized skins, expensive perfume, and a pretty hairstyle. How nice were Canterlot's stallions...
She wanted to kill him; to make him feel the pain of being neglected, of being forgotten, betrayed – Oh, if Shining Armor could experience everything that once crossed Cadance's mind... He certainly wouldn't last long – at least not as long as his wife lasted.
But she was a strong alicorn, stronger than him, stronger than this flood of ephemeral feelings. Feelings were just like words for her, and she never trusted anypony else's words. Love itself was chemical, it was hormonal - only the spark was something else. The spark mattered, but soon she realized there was no spark anymore in their relationship.
'It wasn't meant to be...' She said to herself.
What remained was nothing but a complex network of electrical signals flowing through their neurons. A stab in the aorta, and in a few minutes, all those currents would cease to exist. Love can be very fragile.
A normal mare could easily walk this way – easily put an end to this electrical feeling, this stupid tingling they were all talking about. But she wasn't. She wasn't normal – she was more than normal, above the standards – more than any other mare could ever possibly be.
Cadance was the bearer of love itself – of many kinds of love; the real, and the artificial ones. And this title carried its responsibilities and consequences. No one should know that much about the nature of love; just like psychiatrists who eventually become crazy after studying thousands of abnormal cases – gazing into the abyss for so long is never a good idea.
As the years passed, reality stretched her heart many times – in many awkward shapes – and for many reasons she couldn't quite comprehend.
The princess of love had an elastic heart. Like a rubber band, until you pull too hard.
For reasons she may never understand, something woke her up in the dead of night.
The room had gotten cold, as she fell asleep and forgot to lit up the fireplace. Cadance was dizzy, and her head seemed to weigh a thousand pounds. She was floating inside, but drowning outside.
The emptiness of her bed and the tall mirrored cellar just increased the feeling of loneliness. She stared at her own pale reflection, and missed another pale reflection by her side.
Shining Armor was nowhere to be seen, and even though in her mind he was still an unfaithful liar, a frigging bastard, an outsider – as well many other things she couldn't even name – he was the only unfaithful liar she had, the only frigging bastard, and the only one capable of tying up the lacerated strings of her heart.
That stallion was her remedy – Cadance loved him, and he probably loved her as well.
Or at least the sedatives said so.