Those Voices in Your Head
A sudden rumble from the cobblestone street shook me awake from my spot in the cart, causing me to accidentally brush the stoic mare that sits next to me. Looking the other way, I roughly rubbed my face to get rid of the lingering sleep but soon kept my hand covering my eyes. My face grew hot of embarrassment when I thought of the brief touch, the heat rising as I continued to read too much of the situation. Just thinking that the mare is staring deep into my soul with her blank stare right now makes me nervous, which always had since I first met her in my new home and her workplace.
Peeking through my fingers, I looked around the cart and wondered if the other passengers saw what just happened. Across my seat and to the right sits a tall, lean and beautiful unicorn, watching the Canterlot elite passing by. From afar she would look like she's giving a content and proud gaze to the “very important” nobles, all majestic and such. Strangers would also think that she’s playing with her soft pink mane in complete innocence, like a child.
But that’s far from the truth, because from me being this close I could tell that the mare, Fleur Dis Lee being her name, is actually looking annoyed and uninterested with all the things that meets her eyes. And the playing with her mane is only a habit she does when her annoyance grows as the time goes on.
I know this because I was once met with those kinds of eyes. Well, she still does, but not as bad as when I first arrived in the city. I… think it's progress?
Trying to play off more of my embarrassment, I began to scratch anxiously at my hairline and looked to the other occupant that sits in front of me. He is a stocky, monopoly appearing unicorn stallion. His coat is bleach white like his neighbor, but what makes him unique is the Colonel Sanders moustache that rests on his face.
Known for not only his moustache but his special status in Canterlot, Fancy Pants is the celebrity among celebrities. He is famous for his charity work and powerful investments, creating a lot of opportunities for many ponies across the major cities. The nobles in Canterlot specifically hold him as the top pony, flocking to him whenever he can grace his presence.
Out of all these things making up his position, Fancy Pants is a pony that means a lot more to me than just being a celebrity, rich, and iconic. He was the only one who would accept me for who I am and gave me the chance to have a home. It speaks more volume when that home is his own manor too.
To be honest, I cried in front of him when he gave me true kindness that day. I lost so much when I first landed in this Equestria: my family, friends, and even my left arm. I was scared, powerless, and alone during those months in the hospital, and he was there when I needed help the most. He gave me a chance to have a life once more.
… Damn I think I might cover my face again. I can feel tears that are about to burst.
Feeling a strong hoof prod my leg, I lowered my hand to look at the well-dressed stallion completely. “My dear boy, you shouldn’t be so meek and mask yourself from the lovely Miss Ishi! Surely the past month residing in our manor would have set you comfortable enough to be around her.”
I sighed as I slouched over. “I know Mister Fancy Pants… it's just that I have a lot on my mind right and Miss Ishi still kind of scares--”
“Oh please. As I said before, a month has passed since being in your new home. You’re practically like family now! Isn’t that right Fleur?”
The unicorn reaches out and rests his hoof on Fleur, getting his loyal companion's attention. She turns over to him but keeps her past expression.
“Yes love?”
Seeming proud of what he last said, Fancy repeated himself, “Don’t you too believe Douglas here is also a part of the family?”
Because she is a fashion model, I can’t exactly tell if her stage face is also her bored face. Either way I’m prepared for what could be another one her “opinions”. Maybe this time I won't feel hurt by her words, they could simply be answered and not have any other meaning besides--
“Of… course he is dear,” she awkwardly says in her French accent. “He is like a sibling I never knew I had.”
I close in on myself while her stage/bored face slowly revolved to me. Ponies would feel their hearts skip a beat if they were to see her smile she threw my way, although I can tell it’s anything but forced. I guess she's still not used to me yet so she’s pretending to care. It's probably just me overreacting, but I can't help myself feel anxious again. Hearing her respond with that tone made my embarrassment come back with a vengeance.
Joyous with that answer, Fancy decided to ask the other mare in the cart, “And what says you, Miss Ishi?”
I begin to sweat as addresses the stoic mare beside me. I still haven't completely forgotten the soft fur brushing me when I almost had that tumble. She is pony similar to a dragon, coated in a soft purple with a cyan mane. From a foreign land beyond Equestria, she is known as a mysterious kirin, and she is about finally speak during our hour long travel.
“My Lord, I cannot simply answer your question, for I am only a maid. You might have forgotten that I chose to wear my uniform before we left.”
Fancy chuckled, “No, I surely didn’t!” Using his magic, he wiped his monocle before moving on. “And you did not have to wear your attire on our trip, especially since it is your first. Your work is at the manor, not the public eye!”
“My apologies my Lord, but I believe the “public eye” should see me as a civil servant under your charge and be recognized as one. The uniform is essential for my image as the maid of Fancy Manor.”
I felt a chill run through me as she shifted her gaze to my own. “And I also believe the young master finds my attire most enjoyable.”
… Did she just lick her lips with that blank face?
Instead of being uncomfortable like me, Fancy laughed so hard that tears were about to seep from his eyes. Not sharing his mirth, Fleur rolled her eyes and scoffed before returning to look outside the cart. And Miss Ishi… she tilted her head to the side, trying to be cute while also being careful from not piercing the cushions with her sharp antlers.
I want to go back to bed.
After a good minute, my turmoil was interrupted by the chiming sounds and subtle tug of magic on my tie. I looked down to see a pink aura skillfully fixing it, which I just noticed wasn’t done.
Amidst my confusion, I recognized that the color of magic didn’t belong to Fancy but to Fleur. Quickly shifting to her I saw her in the same position she’s been in for a good while, though I saw her horn glowing the same aura.
She, she noticed me!
I felt my heart skip a beat at the revelation. I couldn’t believe actual honest to God progress with her would ever be made. I always thought Miss Fleur Dis Lee had it out for me, like I was a speck of dirt that dared to stain her pampered fur.
I shouldn’t say that really, though I can’t make an excuse why I think of her that way. When Fancy brought me to the manor for the very first time, Fleur’s reaction was almost the same as the other nobles. I could tell she thought of as some stray pet Fancy took from the streets. Although, she didn’t exactly show how she felt, probably because she doesn't want to disappoint Fancy about it. His decision of accepting me may be out of the blue but it was still his decision, and I guess Fleur didn't want to object him.
I kind of get where she comes from though. I would also be upset if someone was to bring a stranger into my home without my knowledge. Either way, it still makes me happy that she is slowly tolerating me being here. An instance like this where she notices my discomfort really warms my heart.
“Well isn’t that cute. Doug is getting all doki doki at the fashion model! I knew it was only a matter of time before his inner M would come out. Somepony better pick up that phone because I fucking called it.”
Dread washes itself over me as I felt the familiar heat of a fire plume bursting to my right. The flames took up a good portion of the seat’s empty space, and from it a devilish pony was spawned. Looking at the new presence, I saw her coat is as crimson as the day she first started tormenting me. Leathery wings were relaxed behind her along with a flicking barbed tail. Small yet unavoidable bull horns can be found amid the long purple mane, of which is cascaded down her face to mask an eye.
She calls herself Saltlick, and right now she might give me a mental breakdown.
“Aww what’s wrong bud? You look like you seen a ghost.” She pauses as she observes my ever-growing fear of being noticed by the other ponies. “Don’t get so glum, chum. I came today because I thought you missed me and my curves. I know I’m hot stuff but…”
Ignoring Saltlick’s conceited rant, I’m doing my very best to not show my pathetic reaction to anypony around me. I’m getting ridiculously concerned and scared because the others in the cart didn’t pay any attention to the demon at all or the bright Hell fire she came from. They weren’t just ignoring the phenomenon, no, they physically can’t see her. This kind of development is one hundred percent bad news for me since I am the only one who can perceive the mysterious pony and the harassment she brings. One wrong reaction would make me look like a complete weirdo.
And unfortunately, she didn’t come alone either. Coming right after her appearance, a questionable light shined through the cart’s ceiling and a cloud came out of nowhere within it. It stayed motionless for a second, then suddenly popped out of existence and an angelic pony took its place.
“Saltlick, I don’t think Douglas was showing affection for Miss Fleur. It could have been gratitude, or anything else. And I don’t believe an M can come out of the poor boy because it's not real thing.”
Giving a naughty smirk and showing her sharp teeth, Saltlick eyed the holy mare summoned from the puff of white smoke. “Well look what we have here! Took you long enough to poof your way to Doug, Sugarcube. I didn’t think it would take long for you to get ready, seeing as you only wear a bed sheet.” She stops to stretch her demonic tail over my shoulder and fixed the crooked halo resting on the angel’s head. “And honey, I wasn’t talking about the letter M. You should know what a masochist is.”
Sugarcube huffed, “Well, I’m not so passionate about the most uncivilized things you seem to be fond of.” Her light gray coat then blushed harshly as she remembered what Saltlick said. “I do not wear a bed sheet! It’s a toga, you… you…”
“Go on, you can do it.”
The angel was raising her voice now. “You… You, hussy! How dare you insult my cultured cloth! It is something far more dignified than the ghastly black socks you wear on your back hooves! You wear nothing else but them! How can you go around in society without showing some semblance of modesty?!”
“They’re simple, what can I say?” Saltlick has been slowly clapping at Sugarcube’s attempt at a tirade. “Besides, no one can see us dipshit. We are a part of Doug’s handsome head, so basically we are only real to him.” The explanation was paused when the demon yawned. “And believe me, Doug just loves how sexy I look in these socks. Don’t you babe?”
The entire time they were bickering I was trying to be as innocent as possible and listen to Fancy talk about his latest interactions with the nobles. I was half listening really, I kind of faded out once he got into explaining some elite’s business deal. But focusing on Fancy was the only excuse and outlet I could use to calm down and ignore the two unwelcomed mares before I would react too much. I don’t want to go through another shameful explanation as to why I am talking to myself.
“My Lord, I believe we have reached the psychiatrist office. May I get the latch for you, or shall I remain here?”
The sound of the kirin maid’s voice caught my attention, not only startling me from listening to Fancy but also confusing me. During our entire time traveling in this luxury cart, I’m finally told where we’ve been going.
She surprised me for sure - I didn’t think I was going to see this doctor again so soon. He would usually come to the manor and give me therapy sessions for my anxiety issues, along with my PTSD from the time I lost my arm. Every weekend he’d ask me easy and hard questions, but it was a few days ago when he said he reached his final diagnosis. The doctor didn’t tell me what it was and only told Fancy, which I think is very weird for a professional to do.
Raising a shaking hand I spoke out in a small voice. “Um… I thought my therapy was over, Fancy. I kind of remembered that Doctor Lobe would come by for the first month I came here. Didn’t he finish the treatment a while ago and gave his diagnosis?”
The girls in the cart all turned to me, even Fleur who might’ve been napping. They looked so curious to hear me speak my mind, probably because I never say anything at all and keep my thoughts to myself. Hearing me be assertive for once, Sugarcube squeals to herself like she’s proud of me and Saltlick rested her head on my shoulder, being mindful of her horns.
“I’m pleased you asked that question my dear boy,” said Fancy Pants. He leaned forward and grasped my hand in his surprisingly soft hooves. Weird. “This excursion was to settle a disagreement I had with the doctor regarding you and your troubles. He told me something that was completely absurd and I felt as if he was doubting you being able to recover."
That still leaves me too much in the dark. I mean, shouldn’t the patient be told what’s wrong with him too? It makes a lot more sense than leaving me, said patient, out on what could be a way to fix my problems.
“If you don’t mind me asking…”
Fancy let’s go of my hand and waves for me to continue. “No, I don’t mind at all. You are welcome to ask as many questions as your heart desires, Douglas. Under my care, you have every right to express your concerns. Am I correct ladies?”
Answers were heard all around the cart, but the two mares by my shoulders were the ones showing the most enthusiasm. Miss Ishi remained blank faced when she agreed and Fleur did her best impression of her.
“You are so right, mister Fancy Pants! Douglas is a part of the family now, so he shouldn’t feel all alone in this big world.”
Saltlick groaned as Sugarcube gave her input. “For the love of-- He can’t hear you! Why do you even try talking to these ponies! I swear you do this every time we show up, and every fucking time I have to repeat myself! We are only real to Doug - nopony else!”
“Saltlick! Watch your language! Douglas is still a child!”
“I don’t give a flying fuck if he still wears diapers! I’ll curse as much as I want if it’s enough to get through your halo wearing head!” The demon reclined herself unto my lap and blew out a flame of anger. “Ugh… Anyways, Dougie babe, the walking wallet is right. Don’t get all antisocial with them just because you get all lonely. Ask your question before I make you.”
My confidence was going back and forth from these voices but I went on. “Um, what did the doctor say that made you want to visit him? It sounds like it was probably something insulting to go this far.” I gestured to the cart we’re sitting in. “Isn’t this your personal carriage? Using this to ride all the way to another district, I would have never thought you’d go this far for me.”
“You underestimate me my dear boy. I would gladly explain what Doctor Lobe has said, though I do believe we have sat in this cart for far too long.” He gestures to Ishi and she opens the door, holding it open. “Here’s what I propose... I will allow Miss Ishi here to escort you to his office and have the explanation of the diagnosis be done himself.”
“Uhh…”
He gives me a quick hug. “I am terribly sorry about this sudden arrangement without word to you but I am too infuriated to even consider talking about it once more. Have trust in me when I say I am so upset that I am going out of my way to attend an unsatisfying meeting with one Sir Upper Crust. Please don’t feel ill will toward me. I would love to discuss the result with you during dinner tonight, if you'll attend that is."
In a quick succession, he used his magic to adjust my clothes and helped me get out of the cart. The unicorn said his goodbyes and the cart took off without a moment of hesitation, leaving me with two imaginary mares and a dragon pony I am dreading to spend my afternoon with. I prayed to whoever was listening before I turned around and stood in front something I did not expect of a physiatrist office.
The building looked like it was on its last few years of life. The paint was crusted over with grime and peeling away here and there. The steel gate surrounding it has a few bars bent and rusted randomly. Ponies can be seen lingering at these gates, either smoking or drinking out bag covered bottles. The only thing that has the image of being normal were the clean, fine windows and the well-kept rose bushes.
Saltlick wrapped a hoof around me and cringed, “Welp… You’re on your own on this one kiddo. I ain’t staying around for this shit show."
I turned to her feeling betrayed but Sugarcube reassured me, “It will be alright Douglas. We’ll come back when you need us, or at least when you are inside.” She pauses as she eyes the ponies at the gates. “... you know… when it feels safe.”
They both disappeared the same way they came, squinting slightly at Saltlick’s flames. Them not being here in a place like this made me start to shake from pure unadulterated fear. And yet, I still had confidence in me because of the idea that I will finally get answers to my problems. Without this confidence, I might as well be nothing other than a very poor guy.
Before I could straighten up and march down into the building, Miss Ishi nuzzled me. “Do not fret young master, I will remain by your side. If you ever feel threatened, do not think twice of holding me.”
I gazed down at her and soon regretted it when she licked her lips once more.
“And I don’t mind if you get a little intimate and… rough.”
… this just isn’t my day.