Spike's Magical Poop
“I did it! I finally did it!” little Twilight Sparkle exclaimed with joy as she held up a fully-written piece of parchment, taking it off the table and waving it like a flag, running with it around her room. “Princess Celestia’s first ever homework assignment is finally done!”
“And it’s all thanks to you, Spike!” she smiled at the little purple dragon, who was watching her from his crib with curious eyes.
Twilight ran up to him and snuggled him. “You’re the best dragon ever! And that’s just after being with you for a week!” The dragon gave a few happy, unintelligible yelps in response, enjoying the warm embrace.
Yes, it was only a week since Twilight has acquired her cutie mark and became Princess Celestia’s personal protégé. Only a week since a purple little drake came into her life.
“I sure am glad the Princess asked my parents to let you stay at home with me! They were really afraid of you at first. Well, I guess that’s to be expected, after what happened…”
“Twilight! Bring Spike and come down for dinner!” came Twilight Velvet’s voice from downstairs.
“Coming, mom!” Twilight replied, and then levitated Spike up and laid him on her back.
“Oh, wait!” Twilight exclaimed and stopped in her tracks. “I bet everypony will want to see my work! I just know they’ll be impressed!” she said to herself and floated up her written assignment, bringing it with her to dinner.
*****
“Open wide, Spike!” Twilight called, levitating a spoon filled with gem powder puree.
The little Unicorn brought it over to Spike’s mouth. However, instead of simply opening it and letting the food in, the little dragon snatched the spoon and began shaking it wildly, littering the entire kitchen with bluish stains.
“Spike!” Velvet cried. “I just cleaned up the kitchen! And this sapphire puree isn’t very cheap, either.”
Night Light, however, gave a hearty laugh. “Oh, don’t be like that, dear. That’s just what babies do. Even if they’re baby dragons.”
“I just didn’t expect to have another baby around the house so… suddenly,” the Unicorn mare replied before floating up a wet rug and starting to clean up the stains.
Spike waved his arms up, giggling and letting out weird cries.
“So is that how he asks for more food?” Shining Armor asked, looking at him. “Or is he just happy for playing with it?”
“I think he wants more,” Twilight smiled. She floated up the spoon out of Spike’s claws and dug into the jar of home-made puree, taking out another spoonful of the blue substance. This time, Twilight caught an unprepared Spike and stuck the spoon in his mouth. Spike grabbed the spoon and began suckling on it and its contents, looking quite pleased.
“I guess he does have a certain charm to him, for a dragon,” Velvet smiled at the baby drake. “I’m happy he likes my puree too! It was actually very interesting to make jam from gems. Maybe I could even sign a patent on it!”
“And we only discovered he likes eating gems by chance,” Shining Armor laughed. “Remember when we found him munching your jewel box, mom?”
“Don’t remind me…” Velvet sighed. “I can barely find now a necklace without any dragon bite marks.”
“Well, at least I know now what to buy for our anniversary,” Night Light grinned.
“Considering you’ll actually remember it this year,” Velvet smiled. The entire family soon burst into a laugh.
“So, what did you want to show us, sweetie?” Night Light asked Twilight.
“I’ve written my first paper for the Princess!” Twilight replied joyfully, once again waving the paper in the air.
“Let me see!” Shining Armor called, snatching the paper with his magic and bringing it over to take a look. He began reading through it silently, his expression getting more and more confused.
“Well?” Twilight asked, a smile of anticipation on her muzzle.
“Well, uh…” her big brother muttered. “It’s interesting, alright.”
“Really, now?” Velvet asked and floated it towards her, reading through it as well. “It is quite… informative.”
Night Light brought it over as well. “Where did you get all that information? I don’t think even the public library has this kind of information!”
“Close research and observation, dad,” Twilight grinned proudly. “I bet the Princess would be thrilled!”
Vivid imagery of Princess Celestia soon coursed through Twilight’s mind.
“Twilight Sparkle! This is by far the most extraordinary paper I’ve ever seen!” Celestia said with a proud grin. “You get an A+!”
“Really?!” Twilight asked. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” she called happily, jumping around the white Alicorn.
“In fact,” Celestia added. “This is so well-made, I’ve decided to rank up your studies an entire year’s worth!”
“WOOHOO!” Twilight exclaimed happily. “Advanced studies! Advanced studies! Advanced studies!”
“Twilight?” Shining Armor asked with a look of concern, staring at his little sister who was shouting to herself.
“Oops!” Twilight called. “Just my imagination,” she giggled.
Spike then let out a high-pitched yawn, the spoon falling from his mouth. His eyelids were slowly beginning to lower, hiding his green eyes.
“Awww…” Twilight cried in response, looking at the little creature. “I think it’s time you go to bed, Spiky.”
“And you too, young lady,” Velvet smiled. “You don’t want to be tired tomorrow during school, right?”
“Alright, mom!” Twilight replied and got off her chair. She then levitated Spike onto her back and picked up her assignment. “Goodnight, everypony!”
“Goodnight, Twilight!” her family replied as Twilight began making her way upstairs and into her room.
*****
Twilight entered the room and laid the assignment on her desk. She then hovered Spike to his crib, before trotting to the window next to her bed. She opened it and looked up to the night sky, where she saw a beautiful full moon looking back at her, a dark image somewhat resembling of a mare decorating it.
“The Princess sure is amazing. She lowers and raises the sun and moon every single day. I’m so lucky to have her as my teacher…” Twilight smiled, before walking to bed.
“Goodnight, Spike!” Twilight called as she jumped in and covered herself with bedsheets.
“Uuu… Waaaaaah!” Spike cried not a moment afterwards.
Twilight jumped up and looked at the little dragon’s crib. Seeing the crying baby, she got up and galloped towards him. “Are you alright, Spike?!” she asked in worry.
The little dragon stretched his arms towards the filly in an attempt to touch her, tears in his eyes.
Twilight smiled softly. “Oh, I get it. You want to sleep with me tonight, don’t you?” she asked and levitated him.
The filly then trotted over to bed, putting Spike on it and soon settling herself next to him. “Better?” she asked quietly.
Spike responded by snuggling against Twilight’s soft, furry belly. “Walat…” he muttered, smiling as he drifted off to sleep.
“Walat?” Twilight wondered. “What’s a ‘walat’?”
“Oh well,” Twilight dismissed. “Good night, Spike,” she said and closed her eyes.
Not long afterwards, a soft breeze from the window had blown Twilight’s assignment off the desk and onto the floor.
*****
Twilight awoke as the soft rays of Celestia’s sun warmed her body up. Letting out a yawn and stretching up her hooves, she slowly opened her eyes. “Good morning, Spike,” she muttered, looking to her left.
“Spike?!” she cried, noticing the purple dragon wasn’t in bed anymore. She immediately scanned the room for any sign of the baby.
“Oh, phew…” Twilight let out a sigh of relief to see him on the floor, not too far away. He was suckling on his tail, like he’d often do.
“There you are,” Twilight smiled and paced towards him. “Did you have a good…” Twilight froze, seeing an all too familiar piece of paper lying next to him. It was covered by a large, brown, twinkling substance.
Spike reached his claws up happily towards Twilight, letting out high-pitched yelps. He was completely oblivious to Twilight’s stunned, horrified expression.
“No…” Twilight muttered, picking up the paper with her magic. “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO!” she cried, as her mind finally processed and came into terms with what had taken place. “Spike! You pooped all over my homework!”
“Mom! Moooooooom!” Twilight cried, rushing downstairs to get help. Spike only looked at her, baffled by her reaction, before deciding to crawl after her.
*****
“Where is your homework?” Celestia asked, looking down at Twilight.
“My homework…” Twilight mumbled shamefully, looking down at the floor. “I’m sorry, but Spike pooped on it…”
The Princess let out a sigh. “I am very disappointed in you. A student of mine should never use such excuses. You get an F for this assignment.”
“Nooooooooooooooo!”
“Twilight!” Velvet yelled, ceasing her daughter’s desperate cry. Twilight looked around, confused a bit by having been returned to reality.
“You have enough time before school starts. You can just write it up again,” Velvet suggested, taking a glance at the parchment she was levitating in the air.
“No! I’ll never mange to write it again just like before!” Twilight replied. “I’m not sure I even remembered everything I’ve written!”
“After putting your heart into it like you did?” Velvet asked, remembering how hard Twilight had worked to complete the task.
“Please, mom! You’ve just gotta help me fix it!” Twilight cried. “Isn’t there some sort of magical mom-secret to clean dirty things?!”
“Mom-secret?!” Velvet asked, surprised by the term Twilight just coined. “Huh… I actually kind of like the sound of that…”
“Sorry, sweetie. I can clean pretty much everything off dishes, clothes, towels and couches. But papers are just a whole different matter…”
“I’m not giving up! I’ll find a way!” Twilight cried and ran off to the kitchen.
“Oh, dear... This won’t end well,” Velvet sighed, knowing nothing good will come from her daughter’s persistence.
*****
“Come on! Please work!” Twilight cried as she rubbed a paper towel against her precious assignment. By now she had managed to rub off most of the fecal material. But a layer of it still stuck to the parchment, preventing anypony from reading its contents.
Twilight then tossed the used paper towel into a pile of more used paper towels, which formed a small tower behind her. “I don’t think it’s gonna work…” Twilight sighed.
“Wait! Of course!” she then lighted up. “Mom and dad always tell me to wash my hooves before eating. I’ll just use water and soap!”
Twilight then floated up a sponge from the sink, applied some dish soap onto it and then soaked it with water. “At least all this helps me practice my magic,” Twilight said in an attempt to encourage herself.
A few minutes of rubbing later, Twilight looked at her parchment again. It became all soaked and droopy, but the fecal material still remained, rendering Twilight’s endeavors fruitless, and even counter-productive.
“Oh no!” Twilight cried. “What should I do now?!”
“Wait… I know! I’ll use what mom uses to clean the floor!” Twilight figured and rushed to one of the cupboards, taking out from it a large, white bottle.
Twilight placed her assignment on the floor, before pouring a strong-smelling liquid from the bottle onto it. “Ugh! That smells worse than Spike’s poop!” Twilight cried, blocking her muzzle with her hoof.
“I hope it worked, at least,” Twilight said and levitated the bleach-soaked paper in order to examine it.
“Another failure…” Twilight sighed. “And now it stinks worse than before.”
“Morning, Twily!” Night Light called as he entered the kitchen, Spike on his back. “You forgot the little one in your room. Hey, what’s that… smell?”
Night Light glared at the puddle of bleach and the bleach-soaked, poop covered piece of parchment hanging in the air by Twilight’s magic. “Oh, dear.”
“Well, your mom told me about that little… accident. I take it you couldn’t fix it?” the blue unicorn asked.
“No…” Twilight sighed. “Do you at least have some dad-secret to dry this up? I’d rather get a D for a bad submission than F for not submitting at all…”
“Don’t worry, sweetie. Nopony is perfect, and you’ll have plenty of chances later on,” Night Light smiled. “Wait… Dad-secret? I kind of like the sound of that!”
“Daddy’s got just the thing!” he said and paced over to the cabinet. Opening it with his magic, he floated out a small container. “Salt can dry up everything!” he announced.
The salt shaker he removed, however, knocked out another shaker onto the floor. The second shaker broke, creating a dark, brownish cloud.
“Hey! Did the pepper shaker just break?!” Velvet called from the living room.
“Achoo!” Night Light sneezed after accidently inhaling some of the cloud. “No, honey!” he quickly lied.
He then floated up the paper and brought it closer, before starting to apply the salt.
Twilight watched the salted scroll curiously, not noticing Spike crawled over her dad’s back and closer to the scroll, and getting into the cloud of pepper himself.
“Ah-ah-ah-CHOO!” Spike gave a high-pitch sneeze, gushing out a stream of green flames from his mouth. Night Light ducked just barely in time to avoid the inferno, but the scroll wasn’t so lucky, and received the full force of the flames.
“Gesundheit, Spike!” Night Light smiled, extinguishing a bit of his mane that caught on fire with his hoof.
“Noooooooooo!” Twilight cried.
“What’s wrong, sweetie? Didn’t we all panic enough when he first sneezed flames three days ago?” her father asked.
“T-T-The paper…” she muttered quietly, pointing to the ashy remains of her work, still suspended in air by her father.
“Oh,” her father said bluntly. “Oops.”
“Morning!” Shining Armor said as he entered the kitchen. “What’s this s… sm... sme… ACHOO!”
“Hey, Twily. Shouldn’t you be on your way to school now?” Twilight’s big brother asked. “And what’s this pile of ashes here, dad?”
Tears slowly began filling Twilight’s eyes as different scenarios began playing out in her mind, each worse than the last. Scenarios which portrayed the severe consequences to her failure to submit Princess Celestia’s assignment.
“Twilight? Are you alright?” her father asked worriedly.
“I hate you, Spike! I never want to see you again!” Twilight cried, running out of the house and into the street.
“Twilight!” Velvet cried from the living room, watching her daughter running in tears. “Don’t tell me…”
“Sorry, honey,” her husband said as he and their son walked out of the kitchen. “We kind of destroyed her homework.”
“Oh dear,” Velvet said, looking to the front door. “I hope Twilight will be alright… She’s a responsible filly, but…”
“I’m going after her!” Shining Armor decided and ran to the front door as well.
“Tell us if anything happens!” Night Light called.
“I will, dad!” the white stallion replied, not looking back.
Spike, meanwhile, just kept looking at where Twilight had left, a confused and sad expression on his face. “Walat…?”
*****
“You have thoroughly disappointed me, Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia said with a look of contempt. “It seems I was wrong about choosing you as my student.”
“Y-You weren’t wrong, Princess Celestia!” Twilight called, tears threatening to start flowing down her eyes. “Please give me another chance!”
“There are no second chances, Twilight Sparkle,” Celestia said harshly, turning away from her. “Leave my palace at once, and never dare show yourself to me again!”
“You weren’t wrong…” Twilight sniffled, wiping the leftover tears from her eyes. She was now standing in front of the huge, highly decorated door to her classroom at the palace. The little filly had run there as fast as she could, wishing this nightmare to be over as soon as possible.
Suddenly, without warning, the door was covered in a yellowish aura and opened to the inside, revealing Equestria’s high ruler.
“Princess Celestia!” Twilight gasped.
“Good morning, Twilight. I was waiting for you,” Celestia smiled at her. “Is everything alright?” she asked, quickly picking up Twilight’s emotional state.
“No... It’s not,” Twilight responded, looking down and kicking down at the floor.
Celestia slowly trotted outside and looked down at the purple filly. “Care to fill me in?” she asked, her eyes filled with tenderness.
“I… I…” Twilight mumbled. The Princess waited patiently for her student to compose herself.
“I FAILED YOUR ASSIGNMENT!!!” Twilight finally cried, falling down to the floor as tears dripped down to the marble floor. “I’M THE WORST STUDENT EVER! I DON’T DESERVE TO HAVE YOU AS A TEACHER!”
“Twilight…” Celestia muttered quietly, her eyes showing deep sympathy. “Calm down, my child,” she said, covering her body with a large, angelic wing. “Why are you saying that?”
“Well…” Twilight sniffled, struggling to hold back her tears. “Spike pooped all over my homework, and I tried to clean it up by using paper towels, and then soap, and then bleach, and then salt…”
“Salt…?” Celestia wondered. “I see. And then what happened?”
“Dad accidentally spilt pepper everywhere and Spike sneezed on it… And then what remained all turned into ash.”
“So what did you do?” Celestia asked.
“I said that I hate him, and that I don’t want to see him again…” Twilight muttered. “And then I came here to accept my punishment.”
“I understand,” Celestia nodded. She folded back her wing and looked straightly into Twilight’s eyes.
“Twilight Sparkle. Remind me what was you assignment again?”
Twilight sniffled, trying to calm down and recall it exactly as she was asked. “To learn everything I can about Dragons, and to report back with my findings.”
“Exactly,” Celestia smiled. “Now tell me, how were you able to learn all that you’ve learned?”
“Well…” Twilight muttered, trying to think back to what she did first. “I went to the library to get some information, but…”
“But what?” Celestia inquired.
“I could barely find anything useful. All it talked about was how big they were, how dangerous they were, how often do ponies see them…”
“So then, what did you do?” the white Alicorn asked with a smile, as if knowing what Twilight would say next.
“I asked around about dragons, but almost nopony ever saw one. So I just decided to study Spike,” Twilight answered.
“Oh, really?” Celestia asked, retaining her smile. “And what did you learn from him?”
“That they like eating jewels… That they cry when they’re alone…” Twilight began recounting.
“And…?” Celestia urged, smiling in anticipation.
“They can kinda tell when somepony’s happy or sad, and that they show they understand… I think.”
“Oh! Oh! They love to play, especially with food,” Twilight giggled, recalling several playing sessions she and Spike had, and all the food Spike threw around during mealtimes.
“So then… What do you think about Dragons… About Spike?” Celestia smiled.
“I love him!” Twilight said, looking happily at her teacher. Her eyes then widened in shock, and Twilight immediately became downcast. “And still… I said that I hate him… I said that I don’t want to see him again.”
“I… I have to go! I have to go apologize to him!” Twilight called, turning around.
“…That won’t be necessary, Twilight,” Celestia said, stopping her. “Shining Armor, would you please come here?”
The white stallion suddenly appeared from behind the corner. “Oh! Uhh… Hello, Princess!” he called nervously. “Fancy seeing you here!”
“Would you please go and bring the rest of your family, Shining Armor? Twilight here has something she wants to tell them,” Celestia smiled at him.
“O-Of course, your highness!” he replied with a salute and turned around.
“Oh yes, a message was to be sent to your house, Shining Armor,” Celestia added. “Congratulations on making it into the Royal Guard.”
“REALLY?! ALRIGHT!!!” he shouted, so happy he stood only on his hind legs.
Quickly noticing the gazes of the two mares, he calmed down and landed back on all four. “Ahem. I’ll go and get them now.”
*****
“Your highness!” Night Light called as he, Velvet, Shining Armor and Spike, on Shining Armor’s back, entered the classroom. He and Velvet bowed. “Did you want to see us?”
“Oh no, it was actually Twilight who wanted to see you,” Celestia replied, the same mystic smile from before adorning her muzzle.
“What happened, Twilight?” Velvet asked in worry.
Twilight slowly trotted forward and stopped in front of her brother, looking at the small creature resting on his back. “I want to apologize.”
Her parents looked at each other, baffled, before turning back to look at Twilight.
“I’m really, really, REALLY sorry, Spike,” Twilight said, looking away shamefully. “I said something really mean to you without meaning it. I got so upset and so focused on my homework, I forgot that it wasn’t your fault. I guess accidents just happen, especially when you’re just a baby. I’m your big sister, so I should always love you no matter what!”
Twilight picked Spike up with her magic and brought him to her. “I love you, Spike. Would you ever forgive me?” she asked, just barely holding back her tears.
In response, Spike just hugged Twilight’s chest, snuggling against her lavender fur. “Walat…”
When Twilight finished her apology, her parents were already in tears, and Shining Armor was also struggling to hold back his own.
“Well said, Twilight. Well said,” Celestia said quietly, wiping a tear of her own. “I think I can understand just how you feel, Twilight…”
“So, Twilight… About your assignment…” Celestia said, turning back the filly’s attention towards her.
“Yes?” Twilight asked, trotting hesitantly towards the white Alicorn.
“I don’t know if you’ve figured it out yet, but I gave you that assignment not to learn about Dragons, but to in order get closer to Spike and to become better friends. Do you think you have accomplished this goal?” the Princess asked, once more looking at the filly in an observing gaze.
“I don’t think we’re better friends now,” Twilight replied, gaining a baffled look from her mentor. “I think we’re better brother and sister now!” she exclaimed, hugging him.
Princess Celestia closed her eyes, smiling in satisfaction. “Well, then… Even though I did not receive a written report, I think you’ve learned far more than I have expected you to. In which case… I think an A+ would be in order, don’t you agree?” the white mare asked, grinning.
“WOOHOO!” Twilight cried happily, jumping to the air. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she called, jumping around the Princess.
“And for next time, make sure to update me with everything you’ve learned. Not about Dragons in general, but just about Spike,” Celestia said.
“Walat! Walat! Walat!” Spike called in response to his name being called, still hugging his ‘big sister’.
“…Can anypony tell me what’s a ‘walat’?” a confused Twilight asked.
*****
“…Thanks to that, I managed to learn about Dragon poop! Well, Spike’s poop, to be more accurate. Turns out his poop has many intriguing qualities! It sparkles like diamonds, it nearly doesn’t stink, it doesn’t wash off paper by pretty much ANYTHING…”
“Ew! Gross, Twilight!” Spike cried, taking his eyes off the old parchment he was reading. “What the hay is THIS supposed to be?!”
“What’s the matter, Spike?” Twilight asked, looking up from a tome about the history of Earth pony civilization she was reading.
“I was just sorting out some old documents you were keeping, and then I found THIS THING!” he hollered, waving a short report.
Twilight floated both Spike and the letter towards her. She quickly skimmed through it, a nostalgic smile spreading on her face. “Wow, this sure brings me back…”
“Why did you write a report about my… ugh, you know!” Spike cried.
Twilight smiled and put him down, before trotting off to one of the couches in her library.
“Come here and sit down, Spike. I think you should hear the story of when you first began to talk,” she invited him with a smile.
“When I began to talk?” Spike asked, pacing over and taking a sit as well. “What’s the connection to this old letter?”
“Just listen up,” Twilight smiled. “It all began a week after you hatched…”