The Ultimate Question
"Why does the teacups have the ring?" Asked Amethyst.
"Have what?" Bon Bon asked in return.
Amethyst Star, Bon Bon, and Sunshower Raindrops were sitting at the same table outside the Sugarcube Corner, on a sleepy late-spring evening. It was not a programmed meeting, but the three had casually met at the bakery, and decided to spend some time together. They had been engaged in a hard session of gossip until just before. But, at a certain point, the conversation dropped, and the three were just sitting, enjoying their orders, and casually looking at the passage of known faces in the street, when Ametyst, with the teacup from which she had just taken a sip, still levitating in front of her, enveloped in her magic, made that question.
"The ring," Said Amethyst, "that one on the side of the cup."
"The handle," corrected Bon Bon, distracted for a moment from her cupcake.
"Whatever," Amethyst went on, "it's not that's good for something, right?"
"They have cause, without it, they would be bowls," Said Raindrops shrugging, turned to the road, a hoof on the table, next to her milkshake .
"That's not a real answer," objected Amethyst "Without the holes, a colander would be a bowl, but I know the function of the holes. It's not like, at a certain point, a potter said 'Today I do not feel like making bowls. I want to to do something different. Let’s place a ring on one side'. It must have been a reason to place it there, and even an acknowledged utility, if today we sip tea from cups and not from bowls."
Amethyst finally placed the cup on the table, still looking at it "but I can't see the utility of that thing".
"With the handle, you can hang the cups to a stick" suggested Bon Bon.
"You put your cups that way?" Asked Amethyst, finally rising her eyes from the cup.
"No," Admitted Bon Bon. "The handles are too fragile. They can easily break that way".
"Maybe once handles were more sturdy," Said Raindrops, finally turning to face the other two, "and today they remained only as a decoration".
"Dunno," Said Amethyst looking back at the cup. "I've seen many antique ceramics, and many handles seemed to me even more flimsy than this."
The conversation dropped again, and the three stood for a while, staring at the cup of tea.
"I don’t think that the tea will laugh first," finally said a voice behind Bon Bon, startling her.
Bon Bon turned to face a well known mint coated unicorn, while the other two waved at her.
"Hi! Do you join us?" Bon Bon asked. Lyra had told her that, that afternoon, she wanted to go somewhere in the country, to read a book under the shade of a tree, and, judging from the saddlebag she was carrying, She was coming back right then.
"Sure thing," Lyra replied. "Let me take something," then she headed for the entrance of the store. "The tea isn't good today?"
"Do you know why teacups have the handle?" Amethyst asked to her when she was already on the stairs in front of the door.
"Cause the Humans invented them" Lyra said without turning back, entering in the store.
"Who?" Asked Amethyst, at nopony in particular, as Lyra was already into the shop, while Bon Bon facehooved.
"Something wrong?" Raindrops asked to Bon Bon.
"Lately that's her answer to every question!" Bon Bon replied with an exasperated tone. "And her only topic of conversation!"
"Really?" Asked Raindrops incredulous.
"You'll see!" Replied Bon Bon.
Shortly after, Lyra trotted out of the shop, another milkshake levitating just behind her head, and quickly reached her friends at the table.
"Here I am." She said, laying the glass on the table and smiling.
"Do you know who invented the horseshoes?" Asked Bon Bon.
"The Humans!" Lyra replied with a confident tone. "Why?"
"What did I tell you?" Bon Bon said, facing Raindrops.
"Oh! I can believe that they have not been invented by the ponies," said Amethyst. "I mean, have you really tried to wear them? I had a pair as a gift, and tried it."
"A pair?" Asked Bon Bon.
"It takes four of them last time I checked" said Raindrops.
"More reason," continued Amethyst "they are really uncomfortable. I never understood how to lace them to make them stay under the hooves."
"How to?" Asked Bon Bon.
"Lace them," said Amethyst. "How do you pass the strings through all that holes? It's madness."
Raindrops looked away.
"They have to be nailed," Bon Bon said.
"What?" Asked Amethyst.
"The horseshoes," Bon Bon replied. "The holes are used to nail the horseshoes to the hooves."
"Eeek!" Ametyst widened her eyes and cried, crossing her front legs and hiding her front hooves under her armpits. "Say to those humans to stay away from my hooves!"
"Don't be so melodramatic," Lyra intervened taking a sip from her milkshake. "Once it was common to wear them."
"Don't look at me," Raindrops said. "No respectable pegasus would fly carrying around those weights."
"Maybe not the pegasi, but even my grandma had her hooves nailed" Bon Bon said.
"In the name of Celestia, why?" Asked Amethyst.
"Once there was a lot more outdoor life, a lot more walking, and hooves wore out" Said Lyra.
"Applejack earns a living pulling a bucked plow!" Amethyst said "but she had not nailed some iron plates under her hooves!"
"Not that her hooves are the most cared of Equestria" Said Raindrops with a casual tone.
"Oh really? She earns a living pulling a bucked plow!" Amethyst said. "But her hooves would not seem more cared if they were nailed to some iron plate!"
"Fashion is strange sometimes," concluded Raindrops shrugging.
"Back to the topic," Amethyst said releasing her hooves from her armpits, and turning to Lyra "Why you say those 'Humans' invented the ring?"
"Handle," Bon Bon corrected.
"The name says," replied Lyra. "An handle is meant to be handled by a hand."
"Like a saddle is meant to be saddled by a sad?" Bon Bon said drily, resting her cheek on her hoof.
"I'm trying to be serious!" Lyra complained. "By the way, the saddles too have been invented by the Humans".
"Celestia!" Exclaimed Bon Bon, spreading her foreleg and looking at the sky.
"But who are those 'Humans' you are speaking of?" Asked Raindrops.
Bon Bon facehooved again.
Lyra's horn glowed, while her magic made a book floating off her saddlebag and levitating over the table.
"Here!" Lyra said, finally placing the book on the table. "I was reading this right now."
The book was still enveloped in her magic. Lyra opened it, and quickly flipped many pages, until she found what she was searching for, a drawing of a bipedal creature and a pony close together, for size comparison.
"Humans are believed to have populated Equestria in ancient times, much older than any written document that had reached us," she announced proudly. "This drawing had been done on the basis of many ancient graffiti, several of them showing human and ponies together. The graffiti are very stylized, but their appearance should be accurate enough".
"They were short," Said Raindrops unimpressed. "I mean, his head hardly exceeds the pony's withers. He is barely higher than Twilight's baby dragon."
"The text says that ponies were probably bigger in that era," Lyra said, "but I don't know. I saw an horseshoe of around that time at the Canterlot Museum, and I think I could have worn it."
"You can probably wear a horseshoe of Princess Celestia," Said Amethyst, "but she is way higher than any of us".
"You think ancient ponies could have had Princess Celestia's proportions?" Asked Lyra doubtfully.
"So Princess Luna would have been below the average?" Asked Raindrops.
The four stood silent for a moment, then giggled at the thought of the intimidating Princess of the Night, surrounded by a crowd of ordinary ponies higher than her.
"Higher or not," Amethyst said pointing a hoof to the design, "Are you sure they invented the saddle? I don’t think saddles can look good on them. I mean, could you think of a saddle worn in vertical?"
"They didn't wear them," said Lyra. "They invented them for the ponies".
"An ancient kind of fashion designer for ponies?" Asked Raindrops.
"Maybe they worshipped us." Said Amethyst smiling at Raindrops "they were so little..."
"They invented them to ride ponies." Said Lyra.
"Were they allergic to fur?" Asked Raindrops frowning.
"Maybe it was more comfortable that way" Said Lyra shrugging.
"So..." continued Raindrops pointing to the open book, "to have the honor to carry around those gnomes, one had to dress up to the nines? I can understand that, with only two legs, they could use some help, but they are starting to seem a bit pretentious to me."
"Twilight often carries her baby dragon on her back," Bon Bon said, "and even without saddle I never heard him complaining about the accommodation".
"Pretentious or not," continued Lyra, "the book says that it seems that, to carry humans, horseshoes, saddle and bridle were kind of a fixed set."
"What's a 'bridle'?"Asked Bon Bon, backed by the quizzical expressions of Amethyst and Raindrops.
Lyra flipped again some page of the book, until she found a drawing of a complete bridle, next to one of an head of a pony wearing it. Amethyst, Bon Bon and Raindrops neared their heads and stared at the picture for a moment.
"Gross!" Finally stated Raindrops, looking away.
"Those humans were great perverts, if you want my opinion!" Added Amethyst, crossing her forelegs with a disgusted expression.
"Thanks Lyra," Bon Bon said pushing the book away with a hoof. "Now I will not be able to watch a saddle with the same eyes any more!"
"Hey!" Exclaimed Lyra closing the book with her magic. "That's a scientific publication!"
"Why on the earth somepony should reduce himself like this?" Asked Amethyst.
"Maybe the service was voluntary," Lyra said.
"What?" asked Amethyst incredulous.
"Maybe that carrying a human was really a big honor," Lyra said with a dreamy expression. "It seems that they did very important things. Defeating dragons... saving princesses..."
"Those midgets were able to defeat dragons and save princesses?" Asked Raindrops doubtfully.
"They had to be great magicians," Amethyst said.
"If they were so great magicians," Bon bon said drily, "they could have faced dragons riding brooms instead of endangering poor ponies."
"But if the ponies volunteered..." Lyra tried.
"Yeah! I can see the attraction!" Bon Bon said. "'Came here big pony, that I'll nail your hooves, make you wear a saddle and a bridle, and then I'll take you to know a nice dragon'. Would you have followed him?"
"I would have shown him that my hooves are hard enough without nails!" Amethyst Shouted shaking a hoof above her head.
"To me, it was all propaganda" Raindrops said, returning to her milkshake. "'We defeat dragons... save princesses...', just to scrounge some lift"
"But still they had to have mental powers to be able to convince ponies," Amethyst said.
"However, why are not they around anymore?" Raindrops asked to Lyra. "Faced too many dragons?"
"It seems that an evil force banished them from Equestria first than the beginning of our history," Lyra explained taking the first sip of her milkshake. "There is a theory, according to which ponies actually had shrunk to use the stuff Humans left, and this led to our own technological development. But I don't think it's very convincing"
"Not all the evil comes to harm after all" Bon Bon said, focusing back on her cupcake.
"Thank you evil forces!" Amethyst said, smiling and waving a foreleg to the air. "You have grown big in my esteem. While you were at it, you could have banished the horseshoes too!"
"Hey, there's Twilight," Raindrops said shortly after, pointing to the lavender unicorn, who was just then trotting down the road in front of the Sugarcube Corner. "If there is someone who knows why teacups have the handle, she is."
"Hi Twilight!" Bon Bon waved at her. "Would you join us?"
Twilight Sparkle turned to the four mares, without slowing her pace. "Sure!" She said. "I have only to stop a moment at the 'Quills and Sofas' first."
"Will be better if you want a sofa," Raindrops said to her. "I've been there before. They will not have new quills until monday morning."
Twilight stopped. “Again?” Then, mostly to herself. "They should really reconsider their supply policy. I can not keep plucking Rainbow Dash!"
A shiver ruffled the feathers of Raindrops' wings.
"Anyway, just a moment and I'll be with you," Twilight said, smiling and heading to the entrance of the Sugarcube Corner.
"Do you know why the teacups have the handle?" Amethyst asked to her.
"Cause otherwise they would be bowls" Twilight said, entering in the store.
"Ouch!" Lyra yelled, when Bon Bon slapped her neck.