> The Dark Side of the Sun > by Ice Star > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Chapter 1: Dreams and Streams > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Tia, when can We pick out the campsite?" Luna asked for about the third time this week. Now We had to think a little harder to come up with a reply that would please her. A couple of minutes passed before We came up with one that satisfied Us. "When We get our first set of flight feathers, you can pick out our campsite," We piped, imagining the excitement on her face. Luna thought about this and nodded eagerly as she laid out her blanket. The sunset behind us both was slowly turning into the night, with sickly orange hues that bled crookedly into dark hues, a cold distant darkness. Sunset used to have beauty. Night used to awe Us, and sweep Luna off her hooves. How long ago was it that day and night felt natural and inspiring, like something more than a lantern being lit and blown out by the slowest breath in the world? As We lay down, We could not help but wonder: When had the sky become so sick? Our eyelids closed softly and the uncertain realm of dreams took Us. Nopony could protect Us there. Recent events flashed by the darkness like vanishing ripples: Luna and 'I' home in the castle in the woods. That was back before we both took to always speaking as each of us was told Our kind did. We were saying goodbye. Mommy and Daddy stood over us, glowing with power. Luna begged for them to come back. I stood aloofly next to a window and offered a farewell that was almost curt. We were now in charge! Besides, they would come home anyway. Then was the great game Luna and Us were playing: hide and seek, which she was fond of. Mommy and Daddy had been gone for quite a while, but we were okay. There were always good things to eat, animals to play with, fires in the hearths, medicine for when we were sick, and more. That was until We figured it out. What if our parents were just playing a game of hide and seek? They had never had a reason to leave the both of us for so long before, and never did they leave the two of us without our cousins as foalsitters. Luna and 'I' would find them! We had to go find them and I could be a hero! The dream changes to show when we were packing knick-knacks for our trip, which has now become more of an exploring-adventure, like in the bedtime stories Mommy used to tell. Again, the image clouded over and a new one took its place. We saw ourselves Meeting our new friend Discord, who also wants to find his parents. Lastly, there was just Us. We were telling Luna a story that We made up about stars and clouds. Things like that stuck in Our head like the weight of acorns on a tree before they fell off. The next morning after another breakfast of dried clover, Luna and yours truly went to a small mountain brook to wash up. We tried out a new spell that we had been working on that is meant to warm up the water. We even made up a rhyme for it. "Water as cold as ice, change your temperature to something warm and nice." After our manes dried Luna and I — it only mattered if I made the mistake of talking about myself as one outside of my head — went back over to the brook to look at our reflections. Luna was not as into this as We are. Our Mother used to have a big crystal mirror that we loved to look in, and she told us stories about it. She said that there were worlds behind the glass, but I think only Luna truly believed her. Before our parents left us both, she locked it away somewhere in the castle for it to collect dust. No more worlds for Luna. We always preferred to wear Our best dresses and stand in front of it, thinking of the stallion We would one day marry. We looked over at Luna's reflection. She has a blue-ish coat and shiny turquoise eyes that like to look everywhere but at whoever is talking to her. Other times, she looks at them too much. Her mane and tail are the color of cornflowers, which are Mommy's favorite. But unlike Our mane, hers is less... 'magical' and could be mistaken for a normal pony's mane. We haven't seen one of those — the normal ponies — in ages, just like how we have not seen another Alicorn since our parents left. We are also what our parents called 'Alicorns' which are really special, and look a lot like ponies from what I can guess. We have wings, horns, and more, yet are different from just any old pony in many other ways that Mommy and Daddy layered on us like blankets at bedtime. All of us are extremely magical, so very magical you have to see us to believe it. Oh! Our manes! Our manes are not at all like most ponies. Even at first if they look like a regular mane, they are far from it. They can become shimmery and move. They need special magic to be held, styled, and scrubbed clean when they get like this. We had all of those special shampoos and soaps back home at the castle. We also grow taller than any pony could ever want to be, every last one of our kind. Even though We have never met a pony before — there were none in the castle — We have seen pictures of them, and they are so cute and tiny! It is a bit hard to describe kind of like the last part that our parents told us both: 'immortal'. Mommy says Alicorns are 'immortal' but I haven't figured out what that meant yet. Now, We glanced over at Our reflection and watched in awe as High Princess Celestia Galaxia stared back. That was my full name. Luna's full name was High Princess Luna Galaxia, but she was not big enough to know or have such a fine, royal name like We were. We do not think Mommy and Daddy even told her of the name 'Galaxia' in the first place, so I shall not do that either. We have a white coat and wings, with the exception of my last remaining pre-flight down feathers, which are tinged with pink. We think Our eyes are Our best feature. They are like a perfect blend of magenta-pinkish-gray from Our old paint sets and remind Us of the glorious sunrise hinting at the coming dawn. Next are Our mane and tail, which are the palest pink and have just started to develop into their later stage. We like to grow Our mane and tail really long so now it drags on the ground. Luna prefers to keep hers short, for the time being. She is the one who trips over things less, but We do not want to say that in front of her! I would be beautiful forever. ... "I really like adventuring like this," Discord said while munching on dinner, having caught up with Luna and me after bumbling about in the meadows and rising late. He never woke up at the times We told him to! An apple and some corn were all he had to eat right now. These were from the provisions, which were running kind of low. Discord had an odd manner of speaking. He says 'I' instead of 'We' out loud, and all these other choppy little phrases that were mushed together and simply not right. I don't know why, but he seems just as baffled when we say these things. You are not supposed to say 'I' when 'We' is clearly the proper term. We are much sneakier about which one We use inside of Our own head, but We are also doing Our best to make sure that Luna does not stop speaking like how Mommy and Daddy taught us both to. Hmph. 'Tis not our fault that Mommy taught us how to speak correctly. "We like the adventure too, and all the stars an' nature. Especially at night... it has so much depth," Luna poked her tongue out and looked all dreamy-like, which is when her mind stays all stirred up inward. She poked her tongue out like the word 'depth' was big and could be tasted, like wind. We frowned slightly. "Luna do not talk with your mouth full." Manners were paramount in a place like this — there, that was a word too big for my little sister, hee-hee! If somepony found all of us, being polite is super-duper urgent, otherwise they might not want to be friends. She sulked slightly and mumbled, "Yes, Tia." We always slept at night. It was dark then and monsters could be out, and even if it 'awed' us once, it was only barely. We think if night were a pony, they would not be a nice pony and they would be filled with monsters. It is unsafe, so dark, and cold. Bedtime had to be early, and that is what Mommy would do anyway. Luna was sleeping at this time and Discord was examining tomorrow's route. From what I can tell, his mom and dad taught him about using stars, as Daddy did with me. When he started telling Luna about stars, she did stranger things and made up her own tales. She gave them her own imagination-names like 'Gemini' and 'Orion' while Daddy said a little of his star-beasts to us both. He was the king of them, and most of them were the ones that lived in our forest. Smaller ones lived in the castle. However, Daddy said that there were special ones that lived elsewhere, and only came to heed his command. Discord also knows some maths and geography, which Luna and I know too. Unlike Luna and I, Discord is not an Alicorn or pony of any kind. He says he is a 'draconequus' which is not a type of animal that either of us know. They look nothing like Alicorns but can use magic more like our own than a pony's. Maybe they are immortal, but We are not quite sure since We do not talk about Our family with others. Discord's parents taught him many things but not as many as Ours did. Both of us can read. Discord cannot. The map we obtained from the library is nothing more than pictures to him. > Chapter 2: To Touch the Sky > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Moon Cycles Later... "Luna, that clover better be going those bags, not into thine mouth!" "Yes, Tia," came the reply from across the meadow, and I expected it. Luna was a boundless bit of energy, but she was more content to speak little and look around, like silence could somehow be gathered by doing that. Ugh, sometimes I think she does not listen to a single thing I say, but I only want her to be safe and happy. I always have. Luna is worth more than any toy or jewel I had to leave behind, and lots more fun too! Mommy always let me hold her like she was one of my baby dolls, but Luna is still way better! She can always make me smile. I do not want another sister because she is very perfect and I get to be her Tia and not everypony else's Celly. According to the map Luna, Discord, and I were halfway across the Unicorn Range Mountains. A warm, salty air blew down from somewhere across their immense reach of the mountains. This breeze made the plants around us perform a quivering kind of waltz. Waltzing. A small sigh escaped me. How long since We had danced, Our regal step as silent as starlight? Too long. It was time to change that, we told ourself. Even if We were out of practice, Luna and Discord were across the vast expanse of pink-and-green that was the clover fields. Only the sun would see me. It could be my partner. Slowly, we dropped into a sweeping curtsy, startling a few butterflies into flight. "It is our pleasure," We whispered, gazing up at the cloudless sky and taking in the melody of the wind. Even nature must be shown kindness, no matter the creature. Maybe among all the butterflies, there was a little breezie flitting about far from their grotto, and maybe one was not. That never meant that all creatures great and small, all plants and things that were good and nice were not to be treated anything but the best — if they did the same too. To accompany this beat Our heart joined with the radiant warmth. An elating, pulsing meter only We could hear began to play out. Taking a deep breath, We stretched out our legs and tried to recall what our mother taught Us about dancing, trying to hold ourself properly. As We absorbed the warm sunlight We let this knowledge fade, just keeping ourself as Mommy would have said, 'regal' — that was one of her favorite words. It was rude to keep a partner waiting. Slowly, Our heavily lashed eyelids closed. A-one-and-a-two-and-a-one-two... We started to twirl gracefully, Our fresh-picked flowers swayed to the beat thumping in Our ears but they did not spill. Their gentle rustling joined the symphony. More steps played out below in Our blindness. Leaps and spins that caused the grass to gasp and murmur. Soon the ground seemed to fade beneath Our hooves. We became so absorbed in movement, We swear it faded altogether. We so badly wanted to view this feat. We were afraid, though. Would the opening of Our eyes spoil the moment? Just... one... little... peek... Our thick eyelashes flew open, exposing all. The meter was silenced after a few last skipping pulses and the world seemed to stop. A new song emerged. The song of Our heart, thumping wildly. I... We... are hundreds of lengths off the ground. From here, We could see Luna and Discord, both of them looked ever so small below Us. Our flower bags are still on the ground, thankfully their contents had not spilled: freshly picked rations of a vibrant green shade. We look to Our sides. We had nearly forgotten but our wings flapped softly, We noticed long white flight feathers, graceful and sleek. In the sky, Our mane and tail no longer dragged but billowed around me in streams of thick, cloudy pink. I am touching the sky. ... Two weeks later All of us agreed to stay in the huge fertile meadows with their gentle winds and tasty clover. Luna could not stop asking Us about the whole dancing-in-the-sky event. Every time we talked, it seemed she had a new question relating to flight. Little did We know, stranger things would happen. One night, feeling safe and warm with our bellies full, an excited Discord, Luna, and I decided to stargaze. Even if I still felt ever so nervous about the night, I would hide it, putting fear under my face like a mask. Luna sat in the grass with Discord, and between them I floated like a butterfly, refusing to be grounded. Sometimes my face colored when I looked at Discord and he laughed, all pink and flower-bright. My mane totally hid it and he always went back to his jokes. The stars were twinkling so irresistibly that even We agreed with Luna tonight. We had to watch them, just this once. No harm of any kind could befall Us here. As We stared reds and pinks faded to blues, purples, blacks, and colors I could not place. Soon these became illuminated as orchards of stars shed their gold-white light joined by a solitary moon whose silvery blue attempted to humbly mix with the stars' glow. The barest memory of Our castle in the Everfree Forest played itself in my heart, and I missed it. Soft beds, warm food... it was a good place, and it was safe. I always knew what would happen there. The orb of light that was the sun, and my friend, spiraled out of the sky like it was falling through jelly. It was at this moment on a midsummer night something extraordinary happened. Something that will remain in our minds forever, Discord, Luna, and I, because it was beautiful then. But what might have been the most important thing is how this event changed me. Out of nowhere, the starry sky exploded into ribbons of color: pink, blue, and yellow. Every other fathomable shade of pastel shimmered between these main ribbons in a crystalline manner. Luna was overly awed by this, eyes shining back as she looked into the night, her eyes filled with those colors. A little too awed for me, though. She turned to me and lightning quick, she begged me, talking and talking in a way that was so rare for her. Luna was pleading that the display in the sky was important and that since I could fly, I should go up there. Luna believed it was a signal from Mommy and Daddy. If I could fly fast enough to go receive the message, she reasoned, we might be able to know where they are hiding. We agreed to this and glided up, but tried to look as good as possible doing it since We had to set an example for Luna. These lights were not as high in the sky as one would have thought, but that did not make them any less brilliant where they hung below the clouds. Now that We were this far up the darkness, which was still spooky as ever, enveloped Us. What were We supposed to do? The stripes shimmered from the reflected light with an aurora beauty, as We later learned these lights were called. We were entranced by this. How lovely, it was almost like We could hug it. Gingerly, We stretched out a hoof... and touched it. Instantly, a sharp gasp was wrought from Our lips. We had expected to feel pain for this foolish choice. Instead, I felt wondrous love and colossal amounts of energy infest my insides and encircle me. So warm! I knew that if I could stand next to the sun, all kind and bright, it should feel like this too, maybe! Or not quite...? Hugs did not feel much like this. Laughing with Luna did not feel precisely like this. Looking at Discord when he did his magic tricks or told me that my mane looked nice and he helped me pick flowers was not the same. What was this power? More importantly; why wasn't this energy... theirs? Upset and confused, We tried to withdraw our hoof from this force. As We pulled, slowly our hoof comes out spinning back at me until it smacked Us square in the eye. Our magically charged hoof struck with such force We were sent flying out of control. Like a shooting star, We fell to the terrain below. Slowly, Our eyes closed until the fear of crashing faded along with Our alertness. ... We think it was afternoon when We arose in an unfamiliar part of the meadow. How long...? What happened...? The memories of last night came and hit hard. They hit harder than the pain in Our head and the soreness in Our legs. In the distance, a racket emerged. A very concerned racket. "Tia! Tia! Tia? Tia? Tia?! Tia!" The familiar tone of the voice caught us off-guard. Who... was that? Luna came over the hill and bounded up to Us. A smile exploded on her face and she dashed over hooves encircling Us tightly. Quickly, We became more sore, feeling further bruised. If she embraced Us any tighter, We would turn as blue as she was! Ages seemed to pass in Our head before she let go. Luna drew back a bit and her eyes widened as she gazed somewhere near Our face. "Tia... what did you do with... what happened to your mane?!" What did she mean? We gazed down and saw what she meant. When we touched that crystal light it changed us in some way. Now We saw how. Our formerly pink mane and tail were now mostly streaked with green, blue, and purple. An ever so slight golden hue seemed to dance around the pink bits. We were colored just like a crystal prism now. Shakily, We rose. ... When We arrived back at camp with Luna, Discord stared at Us like he had been hit with something. "Celestia... what did you do to your mane... and tail?!" Only three beings called me Celestia. Discord... and the greatest scum to ever walk this land, when Our parents did not call Us 'Celly' all those years ago, and other childish names, they used Our full name. Scum we will never acknowledge again. We spit at their hooves and 'boo' at their backsides! They deserted Luna and left Us both in that castle! Neither planned on coming back... Briefly, We explained to him what happened. During that discussion, We noticed a random shimmer in Our mane. Pleased, Our heart skipped a beat. We are growing. It was a little after lunch when Luna asked Us the dreaded question. "Tia, what was the message Mommy and Daddy had for us?" We swallowed Our clover abruptly and choked due to discomfort. "Luna... that light... it was not... from them." Luna dropped everything she grasped in her magic. Her face paled went slack and her eyes grew big. Quickly we added a curt ending, a quick kindness. "We are sorry." It did nothing. Luna's eyes filled with tears. Against Our will, and Our 'mask', Our eyes began to fill with tears too, but when We saw Luna's final expression... I almost wished I was dead... > Epilogue: Growing the Long Shadow > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Present Day We left that meadow forever. Or at least Luna did, I think. Discord did. It's not like he cared much. Mentally, I never did. There is a part of me that stood there on those hills as the days came to a close and the shadows keep growing longer. That part of me was one I had no idea what to do with. Mentally, I built a wall around that child. She is alone, but at least she cannot infect anypony and her growing shadow can stop when it hits the stone. That filly inside me is no longer waiting, she is simply still in the state of shock that comes with a first abandonment so profound. I did everything to purge the feelings, to mask them, to throw them out, to channel them somewhere else, and I could not manage to. I could not express them, that was how Luna worked. I've never been that way. Luna wouldn't stop crying, you know? She cried so much... for an entire month, she would burst into sobs on and off. I counted every day. I did not have much of a choice in what else I could do. Every unbearable day I masked myself and tried to pretend I knew exactly what to do to comfort her. You killed me. Do you hear that? Hmm? Noctus and Lumina... if you were still out there, if you still exist, you broke the heart of your only daughter that day. The one that never gave up. And still hasn't, even if I wish she would with all my heart. Even though she has returned to me from what I thought was a permanent loss, she asked me about you two. This was the mare who spent her adolescence under Starswirl trying to escape his tutelage and start questing for you again. When we migrated south after the Tribal Lands became uninhabitable under the windigo, I knew she still had not given up and that she wanted to stray but felt trapped in all the years prior to the decay and mental breakdown that lead to her banishment. I was of no help to her then, much to my shame. There was something about knowing that even in what I perceived as her decay and unsuitedness for the throne during that time, that inside, she had not given up. The survivalism in her disgusted and frightened me, as much as it made me deeply envious that she remains undying while I, an immortal, have still been put through what lies beyond giving up far too many times in my life. I have never managed to recover, and I mask it as well as Luna endures. She endured a banishment I never could have, and one of the first things she asked me on her second night home was if there had been any news about you two. You two, who left us with silence, and took all the family we had with you, save Neptune. I had not even known that he was alive until centuries into my own rule. And oh, how he has changed... But then again, I have changed too. That little filly is not the only defective and aborted version of me walled off in my own mind anymore. Luna is an excess of herself, which is part of the reason behind her moodiness and sensitivities. I have fractured myself in an effort to maintain a perfect whole without the dreadfulness of authenticity and the genuine ability to withstand confrontation that Luna has. Her radical ability to exist would hurt me, and I have fractured myself in my avoidance. And it all started in that meadow, when the mask was still optional and my shadow was so much smaller and obstructed.