One Shot One Party
COMBAT HARMONY
One Shot, One Party
“Through the view of a scope it’s so much easier to see you smile, smile, smile.”
A light breeze blew through the picturesque green meadow. Butterflies danced lazily about the waving grass as the occasional cloud drifted past. Everything was perfectly serene and beautiful, displaying the very image of what a travel post card would depict. In fact the landscape was so ideally calm that it was almost impossible to notice the rifle silhouette camouflaged against one particular rolling hilltop. Camouflaged that is, all except for the bright pink writing etched along the barrel denoting this particular item as “Party Cannon Mk II: EXTREME EDITION”. Behind this oversized and appropriately named weapon lay its operator; a pink pile of energy and happiness Private First Class Pinkie Pie. Her eye peering through the scope as the element of laughter fiddled with the many knobs on her “party cannon” bobbing her head back and forth to a jaunty tune she was humming. Pinkie was dressed in the standard Equestria OD Green Service attire, modified with a number of pieces of cloth to emulate that of a ghillie suit. Despite this attempt at camouflage nothing could truly hide her bright pink face or the number of colorfully wrapped packages of balloons and candy she had secured in her many pockets.
As if existing only to accent her bubbly nature, Private Pie’s spotter lay next to her, motionless. One eye glued to a scope, the other calmly closed, Corporal Maud Pie was everything Pinkie Pie was not. The gray Earth pony was effectively a statue whose only living trait was the ever so subtle rise and fall of her back as she breathed, a motion the Corporal would have prevented had it not been necessary to remain alive. The casual observer would find this duo absolutely bizarre. On the one hand you have a gray emotionless statute that would seem to be more at home in a museum exhibit then in a meadow actively looking for enemy combatants. On the other, you have a hyperactive mare who gives the impression of not being trustworthy around expensive equipment least of all the dangerous precision required by a sniper rifle. However, it would be a brief and unexpected chain of events that would lead this uncanny pair to the hilltop they lay upon today.
The declaration of war between the Griffin Federation and the Equestrian Monarchy came as no big surprise to the citizens under the rule of Celestia and Luna. After all, when the federation was formed by the less than tolerant High General Harden Talon the griffin mantra had been expansion; expansion at the direct loss of all non-griffin species. This had of course made the relations on the eastern equestrian border tenuous at best, combined with the federation’s view that all non-carnivorous beings were somehow a lesser form of life and could be considered food. The equine-griffin politics became nothing more than a large pile of gunpowder waiting to have a match thrown to it. That match would be the invasion of the Equestrian protectorate of Saddle Arabia.
Now while the Equestrian people were prepared for war, the Equestrian Military was not. Having not seen true combat since the years before Luna’s banishment The Royal Guard was a ceremonial force at best only propped up by the ever diligent yet horribly underfunded Air Corp. This would become blatantly apparent after three failed attacks on griffin strongholds in captured land and the retaliatory fire-bombing of Manehatten by the griffons; the burning of Manehatten would be the spark to awaken the Equestria war machine. Before the embers of the great city had cooled, equine factories had begun producing gunpowder based projectile weaponry, ballistic armor plating for both infantry and vehicles, magic based radios, Pegasus assisted bomber carriages, magical vertical take-off transport carriages, and dozens of other industrial and technological advancements. What had only been ideas on paper weeks before had become mass produced reality.
So much advancement in such a short amount of time would not be possible without the entirety of a nation behind it. As such the public opinion of military service in Equestria was through the roof to the point that military recruitment centers couldn’t keep up with the applicants. This left small town ponyville baker and element of laughter Pinkie Pie in bit of a conundrum. She truly wanted to help her country and friends but cupcakes and giggles weren’t of much value in wartime Equestria. Twilight had left town on princess duties, Rainbow Dash had immediately commissioned in the newly formed and funded Equestrian Royal Air Force, Applejack had joined up with the Equestrian National Guard, Fluttershy, being specifically requested by Princess Celestia, joined the Army Medical Corp as a civilian advisor, and Rarity had made her way to Canterlot to assist and be a part of the designing, creating, and modification of Equestrian military uniforms, armor, and vehicles. This left Ms. Pie to take the only road she could see and enlist in the Royal Guard. Specifically, the newly dubbed Equestrian Royal Army. Maud Pie would follow her sister into service at the behest of their father to look after Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie’s short time in basic training would prove her to be a prodigy in the new field of marksponyship. It would be the only thing she excelled at, as she was an utter failure at discipline, leadership, tactical thinking, warrior spirit, and physical training. The only thing that would get the element of laughter through basic training would be her uncanny and often terrifying ability to shoot anything placed in front of her regardless of time constraint or distance. Maud, on the other hand, proved to adapt to the rigors of military life far more readily. With Pinkie’s prodigal eye and Maud’s silent stewardship of the element of laughter, both were selected and trained as a scout sniper team; one of the first and one of the best. Dozens of missions, high profile kills, and success stories later would see the duo as the most celebrated and feared sniper team in Equestria, depending on which side of the scope you stood.
That scope now peered down at a small farm house; what had once most likely been a pleasant family farm now served as a griffin outpost. With the farmer and family killed and eaten, the Griffin Confederacy now used this small shack and slightly larger barn as a way-station for scout and intercept flights on their way into and out of southern Equestria. The pony military command called this outpost X-Ray 157 and it was a rather insignificant operating post with dozens of brothers and sisters like it all along the border. But today was a unique day for this particular piece of dirt and wood. Today was the day that a yearlong griffin espionage mission in Canterlot had borne fruit. Fruit that now took the shape of memorized documents and names existing within the brain of one particular griffin major. This major currently called X-Ray 157 his safe house as he rapidly left Equestria in an exodus back to griffin lands. For this reason 157 now had the unparalleled honor of hosting Maud’s and Pinkie’s singular attention as they sought to “erase” the major’s memory.
The element of laughter’s humming continued to float merrily on the mid-summer’s breeze as Maud tallied the patrolling griffins at the base of the hill around the outpost. Keying up the radio the corporal as still as a rock began to speak. “HQ this is Harmony two, we are in place with over watch on X-Ray 157. Do we have authorization to proceed, over?” Minor static accompanied the radios response.
“Affirmative Harmony two, Canterlot has authorized neutralization of X-Ray 157. Primary Target is still Golf 13. Mission holds alpha level priority. Canterlot is needing this bastard dead Harmony, failure is not an option”.
Pinkie’s ears twitch at the last statement. “ohhh HQ sounds super tense. Mark needs to learn to loosen up a bit don’tya think? I bet all he needs is a super duper ‘don’t be so serious it’s only a war’ party” the sniper giggled at the thought as she continued to bob her head to a tune only she could hear.
Maud response was what it always was, an emotionless stare while stating “I don’t think he would like that”. She then proceeded to key the mic responding with “Copy HQ, Estimated time of completion six mikes. Will radio for extraction upon completion. Harmony two out”.
Maud returning back to her scope and resumed her surveillance of the small farm house bluntly stated “Weapon hot, eyes on target”.
Pinkie Pie, having been following the flight path of a butterfly as it glided around her head, quickly snapped her attention back to her rifle. “Is it time? Is it is it is it?” her rifle quickly flashing from griffin heads to patches of wild flowers. “Who’s our target? Do you see em? Huh, huh?!? I see a bunch; griffins, flowers- there are tons of flowers! Red ones, yellow ones- Oh look a bee! Is that our target? I hope not he looks like a happy bee. I wonder why he is happy? Maybe it’s because-“.
Interrupting the party pony’s flurry of words the spotter quietly stated “Middle building, right window, second story”.
Not even remotely fazed by the sudden interruption, the Element of Laughter continued “What’s in that window? That is our target? He looks like a meany! Who wears a jacket in the summer? I bet he is super-duper hot. His hat is cool, I want a hat like-“
Interrupting the verbal explosion once more the gray earth pony stated “Verified, fire at will”.
Face still glued to her rifle Pinkie popped opened her free eye to give Maud a worried glance “Will? Why would you want me to shoot Will?- Oh you mean for me to shoot when I’m ready!” Pinkie then began to giggle uncontrollably at this misunderstanding before, with an abrupt snort, stopping to question “But how will I know when I’m ready?”. With a serious face that rivaled her sister’s, Pinkie placed a hoof under her chin and contemplated if she was indeed ready for about half a second. Upon that half-second completion she loudly declared “I’m Ready!” and fired her rifle before her body had even settled back into position.
The shot rang out across the rolling hill tops like an invading presence that calmed everything it touched. The world seemed to freeze around the Party Canon Mark II as its projectile went to go meet the Major. The .905 caliber Armor Piercing round quickly raced up to shake hands with the Major’s face before traveling on to greet a Lieutenant's torso. The round then paused briefly to redecorate the back wall of the room and finally decided to take an indefinite nap a few hundred meters from the house, having had such a busy day. A Griffin Soldat, also in the room, would view the exchange as the window frame being shattered, the Majors head disappearing, half the Lieutenant's upper body exploding, a five by five hole being punched through the back of the room, and finally having various parts of his body covered by other various parts of his commanders bodies’. This last fact being something he surely would have been rather worried about had he not been staving off the effects of a grade two concussion.
As the calm began to fade away it was chased off by the sudden panic of realization as the remaining members of outpost X-Ray 157 began to rally to their own defense. A lone Feldwebel, being the next highest rank, began barking orders for different fire teams to move to cover. Failing to follow his own orders however would prove to be a rather fatal oversight.
Corporal Maud seemingly unaffected by the thunderous roar of the first shot had already moved sights to the next, commanding “Down left, ten meters from front door”.
The younger Pie sister, having continued with her musical humming, responded with an “Okie Dokie Lokie” as she readjusted her sights.
Maud’s statement of “Verified, Fire” was quickly drowned out by the second exclamation of the Party Cannon.
This projectile, not wanting to be outdone by its earlier brother, greeted the Feldwebel in the upper chest; liquefying everything above the stomach before deciding the front door frame was ugly, and thusly remodeled a seventh of the first story of the building with a small explosion.
Following the second bullet a series of unfortunate, chaotic, musical, and deadly events took place. The griffins, no longer having a chain of command or at the very least having no one willing to assume the responsibility for fear of having important parts of their body disappear, took to haphazardly firing at the hilltop as many found cover and others took to the air. Despite this chaos the remaining defenders fought with ferocity and courage the kind their songs and stories told of. But no bravery, no matter how bold, is much defense against .905 caliber round traveling at 670 meters a second.
With Corporal Maud Pie stoically spotting and declaring targets and Private First Class Pinkie Pie pulling the trigger and singing her heart out; five more rounds flew from the hilltop.
“Left, 5 meters from last”.
“My name is Pinkie Pie!”
“Verified, Fire”.
“Hello!”
*BANG
“Left up, 15 meters from last”.
“And I am here to say!”
“Verified, Fire”.
“How ya doin’?”
*BANG
“Right, 7 meters from fence line”
“I’m gonna make you smile!”
“Verified, Fire”.
“And I will brighten up your day!”
*BANG
“Right down, 20 meters from last”
“It doesn’t matter now!”
“Verified, Fire”.
“What’s up?”
*BANG
“Up, 35 meters from last”
“If you are sad or blue!”
“Verified, Fire”.
“Howdy!”
*BANG
“Cause cheering up my friends is just what Pinkie’s here to do”.
The last line of the element of laughter’s jaunty tune was a little more subdued with a little less excitement. As the final word was cut short by the pink mare’s silence once again enveloped the hilltop. What lay before the world was a masterpiece of warfare. Craters, stains, feathers, and bits of what had once been a formidable enemy now sat before a smoking barrel. Behind said barrel laid laughter itself, overcome by the singular power it wielded.
“Oh my gosh! That was sooo much fun, whoooooo!”
An audible pop could be heard as the great weight of understanding and responsibility disappeared like a needle to a balloon.
Pinkie, now lying on her back, was once again enthralled by the flight path of the same butterfly as she hummed a new even more happy tune.
Maud, having moved less than an inch during the entirety of the exchange, continued to survey the now vacant outpost as she keyed up the radio once more: “HQ, this is Harmony two, mission complete Golf 13 neutralized, X-Ray 157 neutralized. Requesting extraction from current location coordinates N 36.582 W 105.594, over”
The radio gave a faint sparkle of magical energy as it responded “Copy, Harmony two, outstanding work. Command is going to be really pleased to hear this success. I have a carriage en route to given coordinates ETA 5 mikes. The Colonel is going to want to congratulate you two in person upon your return.”
The gray spotter began to pack up her scope as she responded “Copy HQ, Harmony two out”
With something other than the butterfly to now focus on the pink ball of energy looked to Maud with excited eyes “Five minutes? Do you think that is enough time to run down and grab that mean guys hat? That was a really cool hat!”
Not pausing to respond the older sister simply stated “The hat was disintegrated when you engaged the griffin Major”.
Sadness quickly overcame the usually happy face for a split second before excitement came back with a bat and put it back into the basement “Aww, OH I know! I bet I can make one! Oh even better! I’ll get Rarity to make one! She is super good at making clothing stuff! That hat will be perfect for the ‘yay we shot a bunch of meanies in the face today’ party I’m going to throw when we get back! Oh, I can combine it with that party I need to throw for Mark. I’ll call it “Don’t be so serious because we shot a bunch of meanies in the face today’ party!”
The whisper of a transport carriage could be heard in the distance as the pink mare continued to ramble. The sun began to lower behind the gray sister as she listened intently to the many plans her partner had. Her face did not betray any hint of emotion, apart from a small glimmer of mirth in her eyes.