> Coincidence? Nah bro, its clop.
>  by Jay Cruiz
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> In which Dash learns Human anatomy.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rainbow Dash lazily flew through the crisp autumn afternoon. Smiling slightly she closed her eyes and adjusted her wings to taker her up on a passing updraft. As she coasted past Sugarcube Corner she realized that she hadn't seen her human friend all day. 
I wonder if the big lug is okay, She opened her eyes and frowned. It was very rare that Devon didn't show up to his job at the spa. It was usually when he was sick or his monthly "Alone Days". Adjusting her flight pattern, she angled herself towards the large home that the human built just on the outskirts of town. Rainbow began to smile as thoughts of her caramel skinned biped friend shone in her mind, like the day she first met him. 
Everyone in ponyvile was terrified of the tall man, even though his squashed face showed no intent for harm, just pure puzzlement. She had stepped forward and said that she would show him around and let him stay at her place until his was done. Or at least he would have been staying with her if her house wasn't a cloud, which Twilight pointed out. After smiling and shyly scratching the back of her head she chuckled nervously, while looking at him. His face was blank before he started to laugh, a deep and gravely sound. After that the had become inseparable, wherever the pegasus went, the human was right behind her, laughing or smiling.
Shaking her head Dash gently set down on the medium sized balcony of her friends home. Shaking her wings out she slowly walked to the door, and had a hoof raised to knock when the sound of her name came from a window. Looking over her shoulder puzzled, she stood there, unsure if she heard correct or not. It was quiet for a moment, but then she heard it again.
"Dash..."
Rainbow wondered why her friend would be saying her name she quietly few to the window and froze. The sight in front her left her bewildered and intrigued. Devon was lying on his bed. Naked. She was curious about how he looked without his clothing, she had often seen him in the shorts he wore to bed, boxer briefs, or something like that. But she had never seen him nude, until today. She had to admit, the man was in good shape, his firm muscles taught as one of his hands was grasping his cock an-
Oh sweet merciful baby Luna, he's clopping! Dash pulled her face back from the window, her cheeks bright red. She was about to turn away and forget about what she saw , but she heard her name said again.
"Mm... Jesus Rainy, why do you have to be so damn sexy?"
Dash was entranced by the words that her best friend had just said, her whole face red. She squeaked slightly when his hand started to stroke and caress his manhood at a slower pace, making her marvel at the brown skin along the shaft and the slight pink tinge under the mushroom shaped tip. Wrenching her eyes off of his genitals she looked at his face, smiling as she saw the look on it. His eyes were closed, his brow was furrowed in pleasure and with concentration, and he had half his bottom lip in between his teeth. Swallowing slightly the mare leaned forward and just barely put her nose in the window. Her eyes widened at the strong muskiness of the room. She inhaled deeply, the scent of his sweat and something else...something stronger.
This smells so freaking good. Judging from the rather large pile of tissue on and in the trashcan she could figure out what the other smell was. Cum. His cum. The mare was intoxicated by the scent, and before she knew it she could feel herself growing wet at the smell.  I-I should really go, this isn't right to do. Her mind said no, but her body? It was pleading to be touched, it had been many long months since she was graced with the company of a stallion, the touch of whom she missed. To feel a firm caress on her most private of parts. She fought against her lesser instincts, not wanting to feel that warm tingle. She shook her head, trying to clear her head, but it was to no avail. That smell just drove itself deeper into her mind, obliterating reason and making her leaking pussy wink.
Her hoof slowly strayed lower.
Not wanting to satisfy herself over leaving him his privacy.
It dropped lower still, reaching past her belly button.
"I really shouldn't. This is so wrong," she whispered to herself, yet her hoof continued heading south. "I really should't be do-ahn~!" Her sentence was ended by the very quiet and breathy moan that was forced out of her when the edge of her hoof came in contact with her swollen clit. Eyes barely open Dash sat on his windowsill-thankful that his house was far out and his room faced the woods- masturbating to her friend, who also happened to be masturbating to the though of her.
Rainbow was in heaven, high off of the smell of Devon's musky scent and the constant pleasure that was her hoof on her aching groin. She was panting, her eyes hazy, her hoof still between her legs going at a steady pace.
"Having fun?"
Dash stopped masturbating, her whole body frozen. Dragging her eyes upward she saw Devon standing in front of her, sporting a rather large erection. His face was flushed and a few strands of his brown hair hung limply over his slightly sweaty face. "um... I can explain?"
The human lifted his chin and raised an eyebrow. "Okay see the thing is I was going past and- hey would you look at the timegottagoby!" Rainbow tried to take off, but Devon shot a hand out and grabbed a fistful of her tail, dragging her back into his room.
Pushing her against the wall, holding her forelegs up above her head the young man pushed his face close to hers. "Why were you spying on me?"
Rainbows ears flattened and she looked away, but her heart began to pound. Hes so close... She could smell his musk much more clearly, along with his breath as it gently wafted her way. Her mouth opened and closed uselessly, her mind floundering for an answer.
Devon sat there, eyes locked on the form he dreamed of, taking in each curve and slope of her feminine body. Licking his lips he continued looking down, taking in her lithe legs and slim stomach, only to stop when Dash began to speak.
"I was worried about you. I didn't know to day was your off day, and i just wanted to check on you, and i saw you masturbating and i couldn't hold back." Her voice was quiet. She looked up through the fringe in her bangs, her tear filled eyes meeting his smoldering gaze. She felt horrible, but at the same time incredibly turned on. His grip on her hooves made her go weak, and start to shiver slightly. Devon noticed this and gently set her down before kneeling an took her face in his hands and looked her in the eyes. Dash felt so small compared to him at that moment. His eyes were hard and commanding, terrifying in a way, the warmth in them gone, replaced with a coldness that made her feel weak. She knew. He knew that he had complete control over the situation.
"Are you attracted to me?"
Her body froze when he asked that. Attracted to him? No I'm not- but if you weren't then why were you watching him and touching yourself? She didn't know. He was her best friend, and she his, but did she feel something more? He obviously did.
"It's okay Rainy, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm mad, just thrown off if that makes sense to you. I was totally jacking off because of how i feel about you. I find you attractive, you're smart, you have a great sense of humor and you always have an abundance of energy. I cant list everything I like because I cannot describe it that well." He smiled and scratched his head before looking down. "Look, I'm going to get in the shower and get dressed. If you want to talk about it come back tonight around seven and we can hash this out." He looked at her, his eyes warm again. "Look Rainbow, I don't want to loose you as my friend. But if you don't want to talk about it then its fine, but I would much rather not have any awkwardness between us. So just go home and do what you need to do. If you decide not to come then I'll assume that this will never be spoken of again. Pinkie Promise. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye," he said preforming the silly but meaningful gesture. Nodding silently she stood and turned and hopped out the window, only to turn back a moment later.
"I'll see you at seven Devon."



"FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKK!!!!!!!!" Devons voice reverberated around his wooden cottage. " FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! Why. Of all the ways for her to find out it was through this bullshit. God fucking dammit." Sighing the human looked at the grandfather clock that sat in the corner of his living room.  The time read five-thirty. T-minus ninety minuets. Might as well tidy up and make some coffee or some shit.  As the human furiously began to clean and bake a certain blue pegasus was freaking out within her own home.
Pacing to and fro Rainbow Dash tried to keep herself together. To say that she was beyond terrified would be an understatement. Just a few scant hours ago she violated the privacy of her only human- My only human? My human... She froze at that thought. "My human? IS he my human? I know he wants me in an intimate way but do I feel the same? I mean he is charming, his eyes are so warm, and his smiles just the right way. Oh my gosh. I need to talk to Rarity!" The pegasus burst out of her front door screaming. "RARITY!!!"
The alabaster unicorn was just walking into her shop when she was ambushed by her friend. "Oh hello Rainbow, whatever seems to be the problem?"
Sticking her head out of the door Dash looked around quickly before pulling her head back in and switching the sign to closed. "Okay Rares I- no a friend of mine has a problem. She walked in on one of her friends uh... well masturbating and he kind of admitted having feelings for her and she doesn't kno-"
"You caught Devon masturbating?" Rarity had a look of shock and her cheeks were slowly glowing red. "What did it look like? We've all been curious."
"RARITY! Pay attention. WHAT DO I DO!?" Dash grabbed her friend and began to manically shake her. "He wants me to come over tonight at seven to talk and I don't know what to do!"
Rarity gently disengaged herself from the pegasus before giving her a motherly look. "Well its simple really. All you have to do is-"



Devon nervously paced his home, his heart racing. Glancing at the clock he swore. It had felt as though at least fifteen minuets had gone by but in reality it had only been five minuets. His anxiety was offset only by his nausea which was caused by his anxiety. It was really just a vicious cycle of nerves. Shaking his head he walked toward his mirror and checked his reflection for what felt like the millionth time. His shirt, a long sleeve turtleneck, was unrumpled- Thank god Rarity know an anti-wrinkle spell- sat snugly on his body, another one of Rarities designs. His khaki pants were just as crisp causing him to smile. "Aight bro you got this. i mean she already saw you naked so that's a big problem gone. Howeve-" He was interrupted by a gently knocking on his door. "Fuck."
Dash stood in front of his door, her hoof was still raised to knock when it opened and a slightly sweaty human answered, his face strained. "Oh hey, you came. I was wor- I mean come on in." He stepped aside and gestured to the couch. After she sat down Devon sat in a chair located in front of her and looked down at his fingers pushed together in a pyramid.  "So. Where do you want to begin?"
"How about at the beginning? Why me?"
"Good question. Tea? No, okay. Well to be honest it started off as just being your friend, but as time went on I began to see more. As you know the ponies in my world were beasts of burdens and for the longest time I had that, that aversion to seeing your species romantically." He looked up from his hands and smiled sadly. "Eventually my body began to betray my mindset. There is only so long that a guy can go without staring at a female. And the more I saw you the more I realized I wan't alone and it began to make sense. I slowly began to find myself attracted to you. I spent time making up excuses to see you more, and every time I did I found myself growing more and more attracted to you. It wasn't until I started having sensual dreams involving you that I realized that I wanted you on a more base level. I didn't just crave you mentally, I craved you physically. One thing led to another and here we are."
Rainbows mouth was open. She was flabbergasted at the fact that he had grown to fell like that about her within the two years he'd been in Equestria. "I-I-I don't understand. Why me?"
Getting up the human knelt  down inf front of her and looked down at the floor. "Attraction has no reasons. It wasn't your looks that captured me," he grabbed her hoof and gently began to caress it with his thumb. He was quiet for a moment, she could see him trying to formulate his sentences. Letting go of her he stood and walked to the clock before putting his palms on it and slumping over slightly. "Just forget it. I don't have anything to say."
"Yes you do. C'mon, you're one of my best friends, I know how you think. Just spit it out," her voice was gentle, trying to be supportive. "I wont lie to you Dev, I'm not going to say that I haven't had thoughts about having sex with you." His head perked up and he looked at her slowly with an eyebrow raised. She flew over to him and stood up, wrapping her wings around him in a soft downy hug and laying against his back. "You're an enigma to me,and the rest of the girls. You're one of the only stallions we know so having a bit of sexual tension is normal. The real test is whether or not you'll go through with it." Her voice turned low and seductive as she spoke, and her tongue darted out and lapped at the back of his neck making him groan.
"C-Come on  Dash, quit fucking with me. I don't think that I'm in the right mindset to deal with this~!" His word melted into a moan as she began to nibble in his ear. I need to stop this. This is wrong, but god damn me for feeling this good. Straightening up he spun and grabbed Dash around the waist and looked her in her eyes. "If this is a trick I swear to fuck I'll murder you." His voice was quiet and almost threatening, but she could hear the quiet joy that was just barely hidden.
"You tell me doofus," Dash said, leaning forward and gently nibbling at his jawline. She was immediately assaulted with the light taste of salt from the sweat that coated him. She felt his arms tense up and his hips jerked forward ever slightly. "I guess I found your weak spot huh big guy-ah!" She moaned with pleasure and surprise when his fingers gently ran through her feathers, only to stop at the joint and push in slightly hitting the nerve clusters there.
"Joke's on you Rainey, I've been studying for this. I never liked to be unprepared." He smiled before leaning in and gently pressing his lips against hers. It was a tentative and gentle movement, but full of passion. "Would to you like  to continue this upstairs?"
"Sure."
> Smoking with AJ
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ah gotta know Rick. How are you always so relaxed outside of being here on tha farm?”
“What do you mean?” Rick asked curiously.
“Ah mean you always seem so loose and uncaring. How do you do it.”
Rick stumbled a step before catching himself. “It’s just a guy thing,” he replied quickly, the lie falling from his lip. “It’s nothing. Trust me.” Applejack jumped in front of him, her face twisted in a wicked grin. She was large, reaching your throat, but she stood a good head taller than the average. 
“Now listen here sugar, you and I know that I am faster and stronger than you. I don’t like to bully but I know you’re not telling me the truth.” Her grin softened, as did her voice. “I am honestly just curious Rick.”
“Ugh. Fine. Come with me,” he barked quietly. “But what I am about to show you is my little secret okay?”
Applejack was slightly taken aback by his tone, for he had never spoken harshly towards her before this moment. “I-if it’s that ba-”
“Nope. You’re not weaseling your way out of this one AJ.” Rick wrapped an arm around Applejack and began to steer her towards the road that took them to his house. “It’s not bad, I promise but I really don’t want Big Mac finding out about this.” His face split into a cheerful smile. “You know how he is with things he doesn’t feel “appropriate for a farmhand to do” bullcrap.”
“Are you smoking that Zebra tobacco?” Her eyes narrowed at him. “Ah can’t believe you!” Pulling away from him she glared at him, her emerald eyes as hard as the jewel itself.
“What? That shit Zecora smokes that smells like rancid milk? Are you on crack?! No I don’t smoke that. I have something different. It’s a human stimulant. I got Zecora and Twilight to both try it and it worked on them.”
“Twi? What did it do?”
“Well come on and I’ll tell you.”
Fifteen minutes later the duo were seated in Ricks living room. Between them on the table sat a strange object Applejack had never seen before. It was a long tube, the end that was resting on the table was tear drop shaped and has an odd piece jutting out of it. Rick smiled and opened the table before pulling out a jar or something green and smelled like a skunk and a small cylinder.
“What I have in this jar is a human drug called marijuana or weed. When it's burned it releases a few chemicals but the important one is THC. I can’t remember what it stands for but that’s not important. It basically it alters your brain's chemicals for a while. It can cause sleepiness, joy, hunger, and mellows you the hell out.” He opened the container and pulled out a piece no bigger than his thumb. He laughed at the way her face screwed up when he let her smell the leaf. “Yeah, it stinks- but that’s how you know it's good. Anyways this is like some super good shit. What I have here is gonna be strong enough to put us on our asses for a few hours.” He smirked and pointed to her. “Before we do this, is there anything you need to do? Cause you better let me know now.”
“I have to feed Winona,” she replied sullenly, her ears drooping. “Ah’ll be back.”
“That’s all?” At her nod he shook his head and gestured to the kitchen. “You do realize that your dog has basically moved in with me right? Like she won’t leave my house. I already fed her.” Applejack smiled brightly and laughed at his exasperated tone. “If that was all, let us have some fun.”
“Question,” she interjected. She pointed at the object on the table. “What is that? And how does it work.”
“Ah, excellent question AJ, this is a bong. Forged from daharan glass, which is glass made from the sands of the ricer styx dragon fire." At her blank look he smiled. "Basically unbreakable, had to do a few favors for the princesses to get this.” He wiggled his tongue and winked.  “Nah but this was expensive as fuck. What it dos is this little thing here-” he pulled off the small small piece off and put some of the weed in it. “Is the bowl, once you put it back on the main piece and light it you suck the air out of the bong and you’ll get smoke. The smoke is what you want.” He lit an oddly shaped pocket torch and began to perform his previous statement. About fifteen seconds later he expelled a rather alarming amount of smoke from his maw.
“How in the hay…?” Her mouth was slightly agape, her eyes opened comically. “Your lungs held all that? Ah don’t think I could do that.”
“Do you trust me?” His voice was quiet.
“Of course Ah trust you. We’re in ya house ain’t we? Why?”
“I could shot gun it with you,” he said nervously. “ Basically I force the smoke into your lungs, through…Well… Kissing you.” He finished quietly looking away blushing furiously.
Applejack was quiet for a moment before she coughed slightly turning her eyes away for a moment before breaking the silence. “I don’t mind.” Her face turned an absolutely beautiful red. “If it helps me relax then Ah ain’t going to question it.”
Rick shrugged and moved around the table to sit with her. “I’m gonna do a small one for you okay?” At her nod he pulled on the bong for a few seconds and turned to her before gently grasping her muzzle and gently pressing his lips to hers. The  world seemed to freeze for a few moments when he felt his lips connect with hers. She pulled away first, he noticed her face was no longer red but she tried not to cough. “Let it out slowly.”
After expelling a small cloud of the smoke she blinked slowly and smiled. “That was nice. Could we do another one? I-I mean because I wanna make sure it like works.”
She’s lying. He was shocked. AJ never lies. “Y-yeah. No problem.” After repeating the shotgun one more time, longer this time. “And now we relax.”
“Wait. That’s all? We do all that and just relax?”
“AJ,” his voice was slightly irritated. “Just sit still and look out the window. Trust me.” She looked as though she wanted to argue more but decided against it. A few minutes later she felt his hand on her head. His fingers slowly rubbed behind her ears and she let out a very un-Applejack noise. It sounded like a mix between a squeal, laugh and snort. They both froze, and Rick could feel the heat flow directly up her neck. She looked at him with her mouth balled up angrily. He held his composure for exactly five seconds before he lost it and began laughing uncontrollably. Applejack tried to keep her face angry but a moment later she was laughing just as hard as he was.
The duo laughed so loudly that Winona awoke and let out a single bark before walking out of the open door. They sobered up for long enough to exchange one look of confusion before dissolving into giggles again. Rick was the first one to stop laughing, tears of mirth still trailing down his face. “Oh, I have to pee. Holy shit, I’ll be back.” He bolted down a hall and she heard a furious sustained water splashing on water sound as well as a groan of satisfaction that sent an odd tingle down her spine. She heard the faucet come on then he ran out of the hallway and dove onto the other couch with a loud fwomph.
“Howdy there partner,” she laughed. “You sure this stuff works?”
“AJ you’re baked. What’s two plus six.”
“Two plus six? Aw that’s easy. It’s uh… let me see here,” she mumbled, gesturing around her hoof as though she were ticking off fingers. “This many!”
“That’s a hoof.”
“It’s eight doofus. There, I am good at math.” She smiled  brightly. He shrugged and closed his eyes again. Standing and quietly clopping around the table she stood next to him and poked him for a while. “Hey, I got an itch behind my ear, would you scratch it for me?”
“Give me just a moment,” He uttered blearily before gently sliding her across the hardwood floor and re arranging the two couches so they formed a nest of sorts that he then flung pillows and a blanket in. “I’ve learned that my hands usually put ponies to sleep so I figured it would be better to have it and not need it than to not have it and need it.” He smiled and picked her up around the barrel and helped her over the lip before jumping in himself.
“Now could you scratch mah ear?”
“Fair warning, the following treatment may cause laughing, happiness, drowsiness and so on and so forth.” Before she could actually interrupt him he began to softly scratch behind her ear making her shiver.
“Oh, that’s the spot,” she purred- almost moaned actually. He felt her legs going weak so he arranged them so that she was laying on her stomach, her head against his chest. “Comfy?” She nodded. “You mind if I play with you mane? Sorry, I know it's weird but I always wondered how it felt, cause I’ve felt everyone else’s when I hug them but I’ve never actually hugged you AJ. Wait, sorry, ignore that. It sounded way better in my head.” His flush deepened when she looked at him lazily and winked.
“Knock yourself out. Ah trust you plus I reckon it might feel nice to have my mane played with.” He smiled before winding his fingers through the surprisingly soft golden locks.
"Wanna hear how a burrito and immortality are the same thing?"
"Rick.  Ah don't wanna sound rude but that's ridiculous."
"Just listen please?" She narrowed her eyes but nodded. "Okay so a burrito is made from tortillas, beans -and in the case of the ones on my homeworld-meat. Tortillas are made of corn which comes from the ground right? And what do cows eat? Grass. So when I'm dead I'll be put in the ground and the grass will feed on me which in turn is fed upon by cows. That which comes from the ground returns to the ground. Ya follow?"
Applejack stared at him before slowly speaking. "Wait. Does that mean that the princesses are burritos? Or are burritos royalty?"
Rick raised an eyebrow and stared at her. "The fact that you were able to follow all of that and retort with a question that kind of makes sense proves that you're stoned." 
"Now that you mention it, I do feel kind of funny. It's not a bad funny, just a weightless feeling."
"Good, you're high. Time to introduce you to my best friend. Music." Pulling his cellphone out of his pocket it no longer work because of the whole space time rift or whatever it was- and scrolled through his music before selecting one. "This is Blue Dream by Jhene Aiko. It's a very nice song, and she's got a beautiful voice."
Rick closed his eyes and began to slowly nod his head to the beat of the song. 
Rick didn’t know how long they had been sitting there before nodding off. He awakened when felt himself being jostled erratically, he opened his mouth to say something when he saw what was happening. Applejack had her hind legs wrapped around his thighs and was gently grinding her groin into his. She was gasping lightly, her head pressed down on his chest, bit of his shirt caught between her teeth “AJ, are you awake?”
The mare snorted and released his shirt before looking up at him blearily. “Howdy handsome, why are ya in mah bed?” Her voice was thick with sleep and arousal. She smirked at him before reaching out and licking the hollow of the mans throat. She could feel the steady beat of his heart and taste the faint salty tang of sweat on his skin. Pulling back she laughed. "Well that's odd. I normally wake up before I do that." 
Her puzzled look slowly slid off and her already large eyes grew in horror when she realized that she was straddling the human. "I'm not in mah bed asleep am I?"
Rick swallowed quietly before answering in a quiet whisper. "No."
The mare gulped noisily before shifting her to pull herself off of him but let out a quiet moan as the cloth covered ridge of his now rigid cock pressed on her moistening marehood. "Ah should probably get off ya..." And I'd like to get you off too.
"No, stay." He surprised the both of them. "I rather like the way you look on top of me right now but I know how you would look even better."
"H-How?" Her voice quavered with terror and anticipation. She was incredibly aroused by the situation. Here she was straddling the subject of her affection and he His eyes had a manic needy look to them, the same need that she herself felt. 
Wrapping his arms around her barrel Rick rolled over so that their positions were reversed; she on her back and he kneeling over her. "Like this." Licking his lips slowly Rick began to growl lightly in the back of his throat. "Oh, you have no clue how long I've wanted to do this to you." He leaned in and gently kissed her lips. "But," he pulled back and sat on his haunches. "I'm not sure if I'm reading this situation right."
Applejack stared at him for a moment before lacing her front legs around him and pulling him close. "Ah recon we have two ways to go about this; we can either pretend this never happened and everything becomes awkward or we can buck like rabbits. Ah'll leave it up to you sugarcube."
"I'm okay with the sex!" Rick internally face palmed. So much for not sounding over eager.