> Twilight slowly reads a book > by Michael Hudson > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- > Chapter 1 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was a dark stormy night with winds as powerful as tanks knocking against the treehouse of the ever infamous and highly regarded Princess Alicorn Twilight Sparkle. > Chapter 2 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She was just laying down on her wondrous sheets and wearing her normal silk pajamas. > Chapter 3 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She had reading to do, and though the book did not look interesting, Princess Celestia had assigned it so she had to read it. > Chapter 4 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She opened the book and her eyes scanned the page. > Chapter 5 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Page after page passed and her eyelids grew heavy as the hours sinked by. > Chapter 6 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hour after hour, page after page, the time passed unbearably slowly for the tired alicorn. > Chapter 7 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She yawned and spent a moment looking down at her small, scaled assistant. > Chapter 8 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- He had been able to go to bed when she had wanted, only shortly after having received her book. > Chapter 9 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now she sat here, wanting to sleep but being unable. > Chapter 10 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thus she continued. > Chapter 11 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- On and on the book continued, reciting pointless fact after pointless fact. > Chapter 12 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- At least facts I have already read a hundred million times before. > Chapter 13 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She sighed and turned the page. > Chapter 14 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- And the next page. > Chapter 15 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- And the next page. > Chapter 16 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Suddenly, she turned the page. > Chapter 17 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight facebooked the book and pushed it to the side. > Chapter 18 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She wanted to rest, and maybe she could afford just a moment or two. > Chapter 19 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A simple few moments… > Chapter 20 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grumble. > Chapter 21 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Damnit!” > Chapter 22 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight immediately moved off of her bed and swiftly trotted down the stairs, each hoof resounding within the dark treehouse. > Chapter 23 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her horn glowed bright to illuminate the nice wooden furniture. > Chapter 24 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She went into her kitchen and licked her lips when her eyes happened upon some cake from a party with Pinkie earlier that night. > Chapter 25 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now if only it hadn’t left me so drained. > Chapter 26 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She picked it up and bit into her lip. > Chapter 27 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight had had so much to eat earlier that day, and this could upset the peculiar balance of her normal dietary system. > Chapter 28 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She shrugged and slammed a hoof into the counter to flip the cake into the air. > Chapter 29 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She opened her mouth wide, her jaw stretching to its absolute maximum and chomping down on the moist chocolate cake. > Chapter 30 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight shuddered in almost ecstasy as she savored the flavor. > Chapter 31 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her saliva mixed with the glorious pastry and melted it in almost a minute. > Chapter 32 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- More like 54 seconds, but I suppose close enough. > Chapter 33 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She thanked her messy style of eating as she licked her lavender muzzle, enjoying each sweet morsel of sweet frosting. > Chapter 34 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- With her snack devoured, Twilight slowly trotted up the stairs. > Chapter 35 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She had given herself enough of a break and now had to get back to her book. > Chapter 36 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her extremely boring, annoying, aggravating, book. > Chapter 37 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She opened the book and a small pain in her head told her that her superior intellect to most was already to the point of rejecting such dreck. > Chapter 38 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She shook her head furiously and continued to read, against her minds warnings. > Chapter 39 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- On and on she read, never ending the sheer torture she had been assigned. > Chapter 40 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The horror of the book knew no rest. > Chapter 41 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well it did know rest, or perhaps not. > Chapter 42 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- I mean the horrors never began in the first place. > Chapter 43 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It would have been so much better if it had horror. > Chapter 44 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Or plot. > Chapter 45 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Or anything of interest, especially seeing as I am being forced to read this! > Chapter 46 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Argh!” > Chapter 47 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spike jumped as Twilight let out her raucous and rough scream into the heavens. > Chapter 48 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Jeez Twilight, with a scream like that, you might just pierce the heavens or something.” > Chapter 49 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Spike curled back up, his short tail wrapping around the small body. > Chapter 50 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unfortunately, because of his annoyance, the shovel shaped end slapped into his eye. > Chapter 51 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Ow.” > Chapter 52 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Don’t hurt yourself Spike. Only one of us should be in agony tonight.” > Chapter 53 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight curled herself back up tighter. > Chapter 54 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She was cold at this point and the cacophony outside was driving her insane. > Chapter 55 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She glared at the world outside, cursing the fact that she could not control and force the elements under her control. > Chapter 56 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yet at least. > Chapter 57 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yet. > Chapter 58 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- So onwards she read. > Chapter 59 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Page by page by page by page. > Chapter 60 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wait. > Chapter 61 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sorry, Twilight was swatting at a lady bug that had landed on her bed. > Chapter 62 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now she continues to read page by page by page by page. > Chapter 63 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She stopped as she got to the next chapter, needing to shake her head to try to clear the pain building behind her eyes. > Chapter 64 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Someone just end this already. > Chapter 65 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please?” > Chapter 66 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight moved to push the book away. > Chapter 67 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It had no use to her and Celestia must have known that. > Chapter 68 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- However, this page was titled "Necromancy and all of its wondrous uses!”. > Chapter 69 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight’s eyes lit up at the mention of new magic and leaned in close. > Chapter 70 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The veins in her eyes could be seen as she almost pressed her face back into it. > Chapter 71 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The page read, Necromancy is merely a filly’s tale meant to scare little ponies. > Chapter 72 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- All unicorns who study it are stupid, and therefore, seeing as you are probably begging this to be of even the slightest interest, you are stupid. > Chapter 73 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Continue reading please for our four thousand word description of paint drying for five minutes. > Chapter 74 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- We will continue to explain this process as it dries for nine hours. > Chapter 75 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight’s eyes twitched. > Chapter 76 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twitched again. > Chapter 77 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rage burrowed deep within the mare now grew, growing more powerful by the moment. > Chapter 78 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She had had enough. > Chapter 79 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- This book now mocked her and would pay for the transgression. > Chapter 80 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her mind flashed a thousand different ideas from banishment to being forced to be put into the Apple family toilet. > Chapter 81 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Which was an outhouse. > Chapter 82 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- However, she decided that the classic approach to book destruction would be best. > Chapter 83 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She threw the book into the air, her eyes glowing bright white. > Chapter 84 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Magic filled the room and Spike was rudely awaken as Twilight hovered in the air. > Chapter 85 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- More and more power grew in the tree. > Chapter 86 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It threatened to break the house, wrend it from its roots and destroy the poor house. > Chapter 87 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally, the spell was cast. > Chapter 88 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The book lit on fire, burned up in five seconds, and then the ashes quickly disappeared. > Chapter 89 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She had done it. > Chapter 90 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She had destroyed the book. > Chapter 91 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The book was the bane of her existence, and she had destroyed it. > Chapter 92 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Burned it to ashes. > Chapter 93 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Murdered literature. > Chapter 94 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She smiled at having murdered the terrible book. > Chapter 95 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was horrible. > Chapter 96 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- No good. > Chapter 97 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Very bad, even. > Chapter 98 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She almost wished she hadn’t burned the book so that she could repeatedly punch it over and over for being so miserable to her. > Chapter 99 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- But no, the book had to be murdered so that nopony would have to suffer what she went through. > Chapter 100 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight let out a content sigh, and curled up in her bed. > Chapter 101 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She was asleep very quickly, a content smile on her face. > Chapter 102 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her dreams were filled by the only dreams that a mare in her predicament could have. > Chapter 103 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The only type of dream that anyone in this predicament could have. > Chapter 104 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She dreamed a dream, of that there was no doubt. > Chapter 105 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- However, the dream of millions of facts and books, being punched, doused, and then burned as high as the sky (or her when she has the extra bits) was beautiful. > Chapter 106 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- However, then the problem came. > Chapter 107 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Facts pushed the glory out. > Chapter 108 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Boring mundane facts. > Chapter 109 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- About what? > Chapter 110 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Only the most horrible, frightening, boring thing ever. > Chapter 111 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- So there she sat in her dream, thinking only about how paint may have dried for nine hours. > Chapter 112 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight woke up screaming. > Chapter 113 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- She couldn’t take it, she had to know. > Chapter 114 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- It would haunt her until she died. > Chapter 115 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The bookstore manager was glad to see her, but not so glad as every book was ripped from its shelving. > Chapter 116 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally, she had it back in her possession, and she was going to READ IT! > Chapter 117 > -------------------------------------------------------------------------- And there she sat, for hours, reading about how paint dried.