Hurt
Hurt
by LB42
Diamond Tiara shut the door behind her with a little more force than necessary, and threw herself onto her frilled and lavender coated Queen-sized bed. She sank a bit into the cool bedding and took a deep breath.
I just want all this to be over with…
She rolled over and let her beloved tiara fall off her head. She let it rest where it landed. Reaching over to her nightstand, she flicked on a pink, diamond-studded lamp and then shut off the light switch, resulting in a dimly lit filly’s bedroom. She rolled over and stared at the ceiling.
I’m just so tired of all this. Having to deal with all the pressure daddy puts on me. Always having to be my best, look my best, act my best… Why doesn’t he understand that I can’t handle anymore? I’m already getting near perfect grades; I have an internship in order for after I graduate… I sacrificed everything for these worthless grades. Even Silvy…
She felt her face growing warm as the stress and anger returned. Growing tired of the pastel ceiling, she rolled over to her side and opted to stare at the blinded window. Her eyes restlessly wandered from her framed middle-school diploma from Ponyville, to the poster of her favorite band, to the little clothes hamper that was almost full of dirty laundry, and then came to a stop on her oversized vanity. She rolled her eyes at the sight of it. The bed sheets under her were no longer cool and inviting. She shifted uncomfortably before giving up with an agitated sigh.
Diamond sat up, let her hooves dangle over the edge of her bed for a moment, and then dropped down to the plush carpet.
I just need some relief…
Without even consciously thinking about it, she a had arrived in front of her large, white dresser, made from only the finest wood and decorated with intricate carvings of roses and diamonds. She stood in front of the dresser, in a seeming trance as her mind began racing faster and faster.
With a trembling hoof, she began to open the bottom drawer.
But paused.
Do I really want to do this…? I… need it. I ache for it… I miss the sweet caress…
Diamond stopped herself.
Maybe I should just call Silver Spoon instead… But it is late…
A quick glance over to the designer alarm clock told her all she needed to know.
1:55 AM. She’s probably already asleep. I’d hate to wake her…
Over time, Diamond had become more wary of her treatment of Silver Spoon. As the pair of them had entered high school together, she noticed Silver beginning to take more interest in the stallions at school and she feared losing her only friend to one of those ugly, smelly boys.
She wouldn’t understand anyways.
Before she knew it, her hoof was digging through the open drawer, searching for what she kept hidden in there, beneath her socks and sleepwear. She felt a nervous excitement wash over her; she tasted the faint taste of iron in her mouth, and her breathing deepened slightly. Her tongue raked itself over her perfect teeth when her hoof made contact with the prize she sought.
Her bright, blue eyes widened as she withdrew a five-inch utility knife. It’s subtly rounded edge caught a glint of light from the lamp behind her. It felt good in her hooves. It felt natural.
A soft thumping at her chest told her she was getting a little too excited.
It has been awhile…
Diamond took the handle of the blade into her mouth, and trotted over to her bathroom, which was connected to her bedroom with a private door.
She intentionally avoided her reflection as she entered, choosing to look at the ground. The shame of seeing herself in this state would be too much to bear.
I need this… she reminded herself.
The lock behind her clicked, and suddenly Diamond felt secure enough to relax a little. She set the knife onto the granite countertop of her bathroom sink, and sat down on a fluffy purple mat. She looked down to her hooves as she held them up in front of her. To the untrained or inattentive eye, they appeared perfectly normal until one took a closer look.
The scars are beginning to fade. That’s good.
With a small gulp, she began undoing the pink cloth wristband she had starting wearing midway down her right leg.
The smell of fertile, healing wounds and dried blood wafted off her skin as she peeled away the cloth wristband.
I’ll have to remember to wash that tomorrow…
She tossed the stained cloth to the side and viewed her leg, looking at it from different angles in the softly humming light of her bathroom.
The ones on the bottom seem to be healing. But this one…
Diamond slowly reached out and touched one of larger open wounds on her right leg with her left. She winced at the pain, but knew the wound needed to be cleaned. The cut was slightly puffy, and was oozing. A scar was refusing to form.
The last thing I need is an infection. I’ll have to go the Manehattan General Hospital and that’ll guarantee I’ll get found out.
She moved her leg to her nose, and took a suspicious sniff before turning her nose away in disgust.
Yeah, that definitely needs to be cleaned.
Rising to her hooves, Diamond again avoided the mirror and opened the medicine cabinet.
Now… where are you?
She dug around, shoving various bottles and boxes to the side until she found what she was looking for. A small grin made itself known on her face as she pulled out a yellow and white tube of anti-biotic ointment. The knife lying harmlessly on the counter had completely left her mind.
Until her eyes landed on it as she closed the cabinet. There was something about the way the silver of the knife’s blade contrasted with the stern, dark grey of the granite counter-top. She wasn’t sure how long she had been staring longingly at it when she finally tore her eyes away from the shining blade and back to the matter at hoof.
Diamond sat down, set the anti-biotic cream on the floor, and got right back up to fetch some gauze.
I’ll just have to remove it when I wake up tomorrow.
She held the soft, white gauze in her mouth and returned to her spot on the mat. Carefully, she raised the tube and gave it a slight squeeze. A little ball of clear goo peeked out, and she wiped it across the stubborn wound, wincing again as the cool gel made contact with the puffy red cut.
The tube dropped from her mouth with soft thunk as she reached for the tightly wound roll of gauze. A few moments later, the cut section of her right hoof was wrapped in a nest of gauze.
That’ll keep the wound clean overnight…
Diamond began putting her things away when the obtrusive knife made its presence known once more, as if it were calling out to her.
She ignored its silent siren’s song as she finished putting everything away. Then it was just her and the knife again.
I really shouldn’t…
But the battle in her mind was long over. She sighed sharply and played with the knife in her hooves like a nervous foal caught with her hoof in a cookie jar. The knife handle eventually came to a stop in her mouth, the blade softly caressing her left leg.
She closed her eyes and gently bit her lower lip.
A sharp inhale punctured the silence as the blade slowly sliced through the fur and skin of her left leg, leaving behind a thin red line that slowly grew redder.
The knife dropped from her mouth as she savored the sweet sting of the open wound she had created. Diamond took a deep breath and relaxed, keeping her eyes closed in momentary bliss. Every racing thought in her stress-rattled mind slowly bled away along with the blood that was seeping from her leg.
She opened her eyes when she felt something warm running down her leg to her hoof. A line of glistening blood traced its way all the way down her left leg, from the cut to the very tip of her hoof where it threatened to drip on the floor.
Thinking quickly, Diamond got up and stood on her hind legs at the sink, letting the blood drip freely where it could be easily rinsed away.
She stared for some time at the blood, watching the patterns it spattered into as the drops hit the pristine white surface of the sink bowl. She blinked her eyes absent-mindedly a few times. Her brain couldn’t think clearly; her mind felt empty but serene, as if she were on some kind of drug.
Soon enough, the blood stopped dripping and began to cake onto her otherwise spotless skin. Her head cleared just long enough for her to grab the knife off the floor, and return to the sink.
She didn’t even hesitate in making the second cut. Or the third. Or the sixteenth.
Her breathing became shallow as she finally let the knife fall from her mouth and into the sink. She propped herself up with her right leg as her left sat in the sink, being drained of its precious contents.
I… didn’t cut too deep this time… did I? Diamond thought blearily as she gazed down at her leg that now almost completely covered in glistening red. And the pain felt so good.
She stifled a moan as she bit her lips again, enjoying every second of her artificial ecstasy. Her eyes closed again and she let her head rest on the counter next to the sink in an awkward and uncomfortable position.
The hum of the bathroom lights was the only sound she could hear.
Diamond awoke with a start and a razor sharp gasp. She blinked her eyes a few times until the bright light became more manageable. The ground materialized beneath her and she winced in pain as she lifted her neck from the warmed spot on the sink.
Must’ve… fallen asleep… ow. My neck…
A muffled popping sound pierced the silence as Diamond turned her head side to side to remove the crick in her neck. An innocent waft of iron reminded her just why she was in the bathroom.
Diamond’s eyes grew wide as she looked down to find her left leg caked with black dried blood that audibly crinkled as she twisted her leg.
She gritted her perfect teeth in pain and squeezed her eyes shut.
This is gonna take forever to clean up… and what am I going to wear tomorrow? Ow… I-I think one of them is too deep…
Pain once more arced all over her left leg as she tried to find the deepest cut amidst the infant scabs. Her eyes ran over her ravaged appendage in a vapid search of where the roughest pain was emanating from.
She sat her rump on the floor and twisted her leg around to get a look at the back. With one eye closed form the wincing pain, she spotted a particularly dark jagged streak. She sighed sharply, and then held her breath as she hesitantly tested the wound with her right leg.
The searing pain that shot through her leg told her all she needed to know. The large, cracked wound began seeping blood, leaving some on the very tip of her right hoof.
I… I think I can see… tissue...
Her stomach rolled over at the thought, and she closed her eyes to let the wave of nausea pass. She focused on the sound of the humming light until the pain in her left leg became too worrisome.
I’m gonna have to take a shower to clean all this blood off me… what time is it anyways?
Diamond wanted to go check her little bedside alarm clock, but stopped short of leaving the bathroom when she noticed how painful it was to walk on her left leg. Every step felt like hot coals.
I’ll… just take a shower first. I couldn’t have been asleep for that long anyways.
With a squeak and a hiss, Diamond Tiara’s shower started. She grabbed a towel from the small shelf in the corner and tossed it on the floor next to the pink frilly bath mat that rested outside the shower itself.
Well… here we go.
Diamond reluctantly stepped into the hot, steaming shower and slowly breathed in the warm mist. She sat down, letting her hair fall flat and ignored the pain emanating from her leg as the dead skin and dried blood slowly peeled away in the heated rain.
Despite her screaming lacerations, Diamond found herself… happy. Her rump slowly slid on the floor of the shower until her head rested on the back wall and she smiled weakly in a moment of tainted bliss. Her mind felt peacefully empty, and momentarily free from the pressuring thoughts that normally plagued her.
After a contented sigh, she opened her eyes to find her lacerated leg covered in puffy red slashes that smoldered with pain, though less so than before, which made Diamond feel a little less apprehensive.
The pain is not so bad now… that’s a good sign, I guess.
The gash on the underside of her leg still dominated her senses, making itself the center of attention among the other cuts.
Now to take care of these…
Diamond turned the shower off and stepped out, completely forgetting to wash her body or shampoo her hair. The only thing on her mind was that cut.
A shiver ran through her spine as the cooler air of the bathroom enveloped her dripping coat. She picked up the towel she had prepped earlier covered herself with it, more to fight the cold than to dry off.
She sat down and ran her right leg over her left, feeling the raised lines under her coat where the cuts were made.
Should I treat them individually or just wrap my whole leg up? Hmm… a couple of the cuts are too far to cover up with an accessory… so it looks like I’ll have to wear long sleeves for a while again. Lunadammit, I was doing so well up until today!
Without further thought, Diamond began the process she long had perfected by now. She rose to her hooves and finished drying herself off before carefully stepping over to her medicine cabinet and reaching for the gauze and anti-biotic ointment.
With monotonous precision, she removed the wet gauze from her right leg, and quickly re-wrapped it without using any ointment. She then turned her attention to her left leg, and opted to simple smear large ball of the clear ointment over her entire leg. She inhaled in preparation for the pain, and deftly squeezed out what she gauged was enough and made quick work of applying it.
Gods, that hurt…
Diamond tossed the tube aside and began wrapping her leg in gauze using her teeth, just as she had done so many times before. A task that was once difficult now came all too easily, she grimly noted.
She finished up and set the gauze in place with the little metal pins, and rolled up the remainder of the gauze and placed it and the ointment back in the cabinet.
I need to remember to get some more gauze soon…
Looking into her mirror, Diamond pushed aside the wet strands of hair that stuck to her face and sighed. Staring into her reflection, she began to cry.
Why do I put myself through this? I’m such a… such a bad filly. I deserve this. This is what I get for not being strong enough. Whatever. I’m tired…
A wide, obtrusive yawn interrupted her train of thought. Diamond turned from the mirror and tossed the wet towel onto the floor in the corner, knowing the maid would pick it up later. She flicked off the light and silenced its humming as she exited the bathroom.
She could almost hear her bed calling to her, its luxuriously soft covers inviting her weary body to rest. Diamond glanced over to her alarm clock, and the flashing lavender letters read 3:11 AM.
Well tomorrow’s gonna suck. I should go ahead and pick out my outfit so I can sleep a bit later.
As she was digging through her drawers for something long-sleeved but not too heavy, it hit her just how much she dreaded school in the morning. She’d give anything for it to Saturday so she would have a day off to let the cuts heal and go get more make-up to cover them with.
Still can’t believe I let myself run out of that make-up…
A few weary moments later, Diamond found the perfect outfit. She pulled out and looked over a delicate lavender long-sleeved shirt made of the finest silk, light enough so that the heat of the spring wouldn’t be unbearable. She then pulled out a matching skirt, and a smile worked its way across her face.
Perfect.
She laid them out on her vanity, and then walked over to her bed, desperate to feel the soft covers on her skin. She hopped onto the bed, which gave a little under her weight, and she slithered into the sheets like a happy foal.
Her self-inflicted wounds still lightly throbbed with pain, and the gauze grew more and more uncomfortable.
Diamond sighed, having gone through too many nights like this one, and turned off her lamp, plunging her room into darkness. Her racing thoughts mingled with the pain in her legs as her eyelids grew heavier and heavier; and she eventually drifted to sleep like worried fire.