Okay, so I'm in Equestria… cool I got to meet Princess Celestia… awesome I get to hang around Trixie… meh I'm in a world full of cartoon ponies and I've been given super strength… fanboy squeal I have to save all of Equestria from creeps WITH Trixie… uh, earth, I think we have a problem.
Saving Equestria Part 1: Let’s recap Chapter 1: Okay, normally in these types of stories we’d start from the very beginning. You know; back when I was on Earth, my life sucked, and everyone was out to get me, right? Well you know what? Forget that, here’s what we’ll do; I’ll give ya’ll a quick recap of what led me to where I am now. Oh and by the way; yeah, I’m in Equestria, and yeah, I’m in Princess Celestia’s Palace, about to receive a team of ponies to help me on my journey.
First thing’s first. My life didn’t suck back when I was on Earth, it was actually pretty good. I had parents that loved me, I was an only child, and I went to a school full of brotherly love. When I say brother I mean the kind where you get together with your buddies and act like fools whenever it’s not time to be serious. I had a really close friend too. She was a girl, and no, she was not my girlfriend. We just really clicked. It was like we were family or something. Anyways, I liked my life and I had only one problem. I never had the drive to apply myself.
…
Okay I won’t go as far as never, but it wasn’t all the time that I had the drive to apply myself. Now when I had something important like a test, then I kicked it into high gear and got serious enough to earn myself a seat in an honors class. Now if only I could apply myself like that all the time I might be able to feel good about my existing for once. I’m really creative and that’s about it.
So one day while walking through the woods, (wow, can’t get anymore cliché than that now can ya?) I honestly don’t even know why I was in the woods, I hate going places outside. Not because I’m lazy, because I’m really not. (I’m writing this story how could I be lazy?) The thing is, I am terrible with directions, so I thought I would get lost and never find my way back. That was always a fear of mine… then of course we have bugs and wild animals that could prolly kill me if they wanted to. And they most likely would.
Back on track now.
So I’m walking, and see something really shiny on the ground, half of it resting under a leaf. How did I see it? Well, shiny things do tend to reflect light so… I think you can figure out the rest. I’m already out there, might as well check it out. Man, I wished someone would have been with me, I wouldn’t have been as afraid as I was of being out there then. So I pick up this shiny thing and it turns out to be a weird looking watch. It’s purple, my favorite color since before Twilight Sparkle. The watch had three pointed edges, looked like they were pointing downward by the way the watch was structured. So what do I do? I put it on of course. Like the idiot and now thief that am, I put it on. I mean come on. It looked cool, and it was in the middle of a forest under a pile of underbrush for crying out… something. I’d like to see you do better, Mother Teresa.
Anyways. So I put it on and all of a sudden, I’m still trying to figure out how this happened, I see some kind of difference in color. Around me I can see the regular color and then suddenly I can see brighter color in front of me. Even weirder, forest looked like it wasn’t even real. It looked sort of cartooned. I’m really not sure how to describe that. The clash formed a sort of line. Okay excuse my grammar. It did form a line, one that I could clearly see.
I looked around to see if I was in some sort of box or something. I wasn’t. There was just a wall of brighter color in front of me. Then I decided to test out a just-thought-of theory. Sometimes people don’t see what’s right in front of them. That being the case, it would explain why I didn’t notice the color difference earlier. It was a wall. That’s the only reason why it would be so weird. So I moved forward at a regular pace. Dang I was so sure of myself, sure that I was right, sure that it wasn’t real. Here’s where our problem comes in; it wasn’t a wall.
As soon as I touched the “wall” my hand felt like it was sort of sticking to it. Not as in super glued but as in magnetized. Ever tried to pull two magnets apart? That’s what this was like. I did get my hand unstuck pretty easily, but… I put it back. Yeah, yeah, I know. ‘That was so stupid’ and ‘why would you do that’ or my personal favorite ‘why wouldn’t you go and tell an adult?’ Honestly, what am I, five years old? I’m 15 dude and I can sure as heck make a decision for myself. Besides, you know how when you do something stupid that you want to just do it again, and again, and again? Yeah, okay, five year old move right there but come on, tons of you would have done what I did. And don’t even try to act like you wouldn’t. I lost my track of time doing this. I’m sure that I massacred enough of it. Pffff. Hah! Imagine that. A massacre of time. You see, when I imagine that, I see clock soldiers being picked off by sleep-deprived teenagers that just don’t give a care about their alarms anymore.
Cutting to the chase, the wall eventually wouldn’t let me pull back. Yeah. I started to feel sort of scared, but the real fear wasn’t setting in yet. I tried to pull back again and the wall started pulling me. My hand was now fully inside of the wall.
Chapter 2: You know how in stories when someone is scared crud-less that their blood runs cold in their veins. Well I am here to tell you that that is no joke. My blood really went cold in my veins. I was freaked out. It was like waiting for your dad to come in and give you a serious ‘talking to’ about something that you’ve done. Like when you’ve really messed up and torn the line. That’s how I felt. And what’s worse, the wall kept pulling. My forearm was next to go. The rest of my arm followed suit. My shoulder. I was trying to pull back as hard as I could. I didn’t care if I broke my arm, I didn’t care if I lost it. I would be getting the heck out of there as soon as I could.
I never closed my eyes, mistake number one. I kept struggling, mistake number two. If there was a third base and home plate I either never thought of them or didn’t make it.
Okay now. I don’t know where to start this next part, but I really want to get to the part where I fight the royal guard. (Ugh. Okay CT, just power through this, you can get there) But seeing as it wouldn’t make much sense if I just skipped there, I’ll let everyone know what happened up to that point. Didn’t take long.
So when I woke up I was in a tree. Yeah, that’s right, a tree. A friggin tree. To make a long story full of description deserving of Hemmingway short, as soon as I moved a few branches under me gave way, broke, and sent me into free fall. Thinking back on it, I’m not sure how the branches were supporting me when I was sleeping. On second thought I really don’t care.
Then I was on the ground. I didn’t really feel it at first. Falling had jolted me into a full awakening; problem is that whenever that happens it hurts my head. It’s like thinking myself into a headache. My mind just goes into a checklist of functions that my body is supposed to perform, and it has to make sure that it does them perfectly. Man it just gives me a headache, and that headache spreads to the rest of my body and makes it feel like I’m suffering from adrenaline withdrawal. That’s the best way for me to describe it. Even if it doesn’t make sense, I’ll always find some kind of way to describe something based on how it really feels, or I think it would feel.
When I was able to function right again I realized that it really didn’t hurt. It felt a little bit stiff coupled with some soreness but other than that I was fine. As far as I could tell anyway.
After pulling myself up from the dirt, I felt a little angry. Yeah that is a total load. I felt frustrated like nothing else. I was Joe Jackson mad. I didn’t know where I was anymore or which way home was, I didn’t know where anyone else was, and I’m the kind of person that get’s easily worked up. Long story sho-… talk about overusing that phrase. Bottom line, I punched a tree. After I punched said tree it broke down and started falling in my direction. I lunged to the side and avoided the massive trunk, rolling to cushion the impact of myself with the ground. I landed on my feet in a crouched position and stood up, still seeing red. I came back to my senses and began rubbing my fist, which was still curled up and hurt too much to move my fingers into a resting position.
One, I just toppled a tree with my bare hands. Two, I just dodged it and landed with cat like reflexes. Three, it actually hurt. All of these facts put together points to me not dreaming as well as this moment being totally awesome if not freaking me the heck out.
Normally when my hand hurts that much I move it around as much as I can. If you perform harder and more painful tasks, then the easier and lazier tasks will seem to hurt less if at all. Soon enough I had my hand un-balled and in it’s default resting position. Then a thought hit me, I am so screwed if someone comes out here and finds me with a knocked over tree so close to me. Then I realized how dumb that was. Anyone would think that it was already like that. Here I am, a random teenager with a brown coat, jeans, and a pack of Twizzlers in my pocket, and nothing on me that could cause a tree to fall down like that. So why would I be worried?
That didn’t stop me from walking away. I had a feeling that I knew where I had come from and that should be the way I go. I was dumb enough to believe that I was still in the same forest.
I’m going to go on ahead and skip all of the sights, sounds, and smells that should have at least given me a hint as to where I was, and just go straight to what tipped me off. As I walked through this forest I was constantly listening and checking over my shoulder for any sign of anything that would be a danger. I met a bear I would climb up a tree. I’ve never climbed up a tree in my life… but then again had I just broke a tree in two by punching it so... yeah.
I checked my watch to see what time it was and found that I was still wearing my triple down spiked purple watch that I had found on the floor who knows how long ago. Everything started to click back in place. I was then met with a message. -^v- Royal Guard Unit Inbound -^v- … “Royal Guard?” I asked aloud. Yeah, one of my problems; I say almost everything on my mind out loud. Almost everything.
My listening had paid off, as I heard a rustling not too far from where I was. I was, once again, scared blood cold. I half consciously moved back slowly, trying not to make any noise, still listening for another rustle that never came. As gray and white figures jumped out of nearby bushes (if I remember correctly it was about 3 total) I ran the heck away.
Chapter 3: Running… running… running… and let’s not forget about the several more gray creatures had jumped out of the bushes as I had passed them and started chasing me. I didn’t even bother to look back, I already had a plan. I stopped where I was and made a daring move. And I was kind of trying to be stupid at the same time… had to have a little fun, ya know? Even if it was at the worst of times I know, but it was necessary… yeah let’s go with that. Anyway I punched one of them square in, what I thought was a face. Then I turned back around and ran. Funny, I have the nickname “Hit and Run” at my school. And no, I don’t play baseball. Yeah… funny.
As I was saying, I was running and then an idea popped into my slow moving brain. I had just broken a tree in two; maybe I could do it again. And what would I do with that tree? Well, listen up and you’ll know.
I ran a bit further and put on the brakes; coasting to my destination. Seeing as I was in a forest and the ground wasn’t smooth the halt came almost instantly, nearly knocking me over. But I was next to my tree, just as I had wanted. I wound up, tucked my fist over my shoulder, and let loose on the trunk. Man, I almost feel bad for destroying a forest like that. It was a beautiful place too. I looked up to see where the tree was going to fall, and judging by how I wasn’t tackled and beaten to death, so did those creatures.
It was going to fall right next to me in the direction that I was running. I moved back… yeah, toward the big scary monsters. They all moved back a bit as well so I guess that was cool. As soon as the tree hit the ground I was all over it. I sprinted toward it and vaulted over it. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever jumped over a fallen tree, but let me tell you; the things are frikkin huge. Now that we’ve settled that matter, I can move on. I wrapped my arms around the tree, getting as tight of a hold on it as I could, and tried something crazy. I tried lifting it up.
And that’s when I found out that I was not given the power of God Himself. Nope. I was strong but not that strong. After that failed I tried something new. I got down into a quick (and rather sloppy might I add) football stance. The creatures were closing in on me. I had to move fast and afterward I thanked God that my dad made me play football in 9th grade. I rushed the fallen trunk and, placing both hands on it, pushed it like I was in the most important game of the season. One touchdown decides the game for the other team, and the only way to stop the other team from achieving that goal is to jack up the guy in front of you. Same type of scenario, different stakes, different location, and as far as I can tell, different kinds of teams.
I’ll say that I managed to push the trunk a maybe about 30 yards (I say 30 because it makes me feel better about myself), which those things were able to clear in an easy jump. Okay seriously. WHAT THE CRUD WAS THAT. Someone was definitely messing with me there, and I didn’t like it. Then one of them, a white one with wings, springs out above them and picks me up. It started flying through the mess of trees that stuck up from the ground. Maneuvering around the trunks and under and over branches… the thing had skill. And big eyes… just sayin. So, defensively, I began punching this thing in its face. When I say punching I mean that kind of sideways punch you give someone when they’re carrying you somewhere that you don’t want to go. That kind of punch. Did I mention that these things were wearing armor? Because they were wearing a golden colored armor that began to hurt me when I hit it. Eventually it dropped me and we both crashed in a clearing. Convenient, huh? No it was not. You know why? No? I’ll tell you why: A lot more of those things were surrounding me from several sides of the clearing. The white winged thing was starting to get up, so I kicked it in the head and watched it slip into unconsciousness.
Chapter 4: Now here’s one thing you should know about me: the only time I back down from a fight is when I can get out of it through reason. Which I could tell wasn’t happening here. So I prepared myself for a fight. I mentally chose a heavy rock song to fight it out to. Not going to say what it was, but it was perfect for the situation. Especially if I had to run away in the end. Cowardly? Nope. Smart? A lot smarter and less cowardly than what any of you would have done differently. I clenched my fists, tightened up my muscles, and got angry. Anything that would help me survive at that point. I also visualized taking all of them down. Three of them. Three of them came first. They weren’t the winged ones. These ones were gray and had horns on their foreheads. They looked sort of like unicorns. One of their horns began to glow and I was lifted into the air, surrounded by the same color glowing around the creature’s horn. The others slowed their pace to a cautious walk. Now I don’t know if any of you have been in zero gee, but it’s hard to control yourself, especially when theirs nothing solid around you for support. Of course I wasn’t letting it end like that, and I resisted the hold. I flung my arms out and the hold pulsated outward, engulfing the other three creatures. Now it was like a huge misshapen ball suspending us in midair. One of them was being pulled to me by its momentum gained from being pulled off of the ground so fast. I grabbed its horn and kneed it in its chin. I was guessing that was its chin at the time anyway. I mean, I thought it was the face right above it so… yeah. The important thing is that the thing was hurt by what I did, because it reeled its head back in pain. At least at the time I thought it was the head. And by now you all should be able to tell how my thought process works. Well, I got my solid surface. I grabbed the body and used it to pull myself forward. Once in a good enough position I bent my knees and pushed off of the creature, pushing both it and myself in opposite directions; It out of the ball of whatever and me towards another on of them. The next one I grabbed around the neck in a headlock and kneed in the side several times before using it just like the other one. Same effect. The last one of course was holding the ball together. It looked like it was trying to get itself ready to fight back, because it gave a kick to my stomach. This thing had a pair of legs let me tell you. I felt like I was going to throw up for the first time since I was six. Ugh. It hurt. And yes, I was holding my stomach. And I just became angrier than before. This thing was going down. Hard. I reached out and punched it in the jaw, knocking its helmet off. Then I got it turned around and wrapped my legs around its neck. It was using its arms to hit me as hard as it could. Get me off of it anyway it could. I flipped both of us over backwards and whatever he was doing with his horn stopped and the horn itself stopped glowing. I let go of it with my legs as we both fell to the ground. It on it’s back and me on my stomach. Ow. I really didn’t want to get up; but I did anyway. I had to. I had already taken out four of these things, and there were plenty more to deal with. Then I go somewhere, fall asleep. Record this crazy dream in my dream journal. More of them were coming than last time next; a few of the gray ones with the horns and a few of the white ones with wings. I began to get up and the horn of the one closest to me started to glow, surrounding me in a tight embrace of color. It wrapped around my entire body and tried to force me back down. I forced myself up and the grip dispersed itself, disappearing completely. I used a lot of strength and courage just getting up. I really wanted to just lie down and sleep. But no, I had to take care of business first. That’s a good life lesson for anyone reading this. I leapt toward the closest one of them and swept my feet under it, knocking it on its side. I kicked it in the chest to discourage it from getting back up. I looked down in front of me a few feet and saw a thick stick. What can I say; I thought it would be cool. As I was going for the next one I picked up the stick and swung. It dodged the swing. Another swing another dodge. I kept at this for a bit before just kicking it in the face, knocking its helmet off and knocking it out. One of the winged creatures came at me and I swiped the stick at it before it reached me. It crashed to the ground a few meters away from me, hopefully out cold as well. Another came at me and I wasn’t as lucky. It grabbed the stick in its mouth and carried me backward. I landed on my back with a hurt shoulder from the sudden jerk. I got up and the last winged one had its back turned to me. It reared its legs and kicked me in the chest. I’ve never broken anything in my life up until that point. I fell on my back again and the creature was standing right over me, its face in mine. So close I could feel its breath. That just made me so mad. Yeah, when I’m angry, everything just makes me angrier somehow. I gave it a good old-fashioned head butt to the bridge of its nose; because that’s where you’re supposed to head butt. Not the forehead, that’s like just hitting a shield against another shield. The thing went back a bit and I grabbed it by the neck, throwing it off of me and getting on top of it, about to deliver my fists into it’s face. Probably until death. Another glow surrounded my arm and pulled it back again. Another sudden jerk and another pain. Then a blast hit me in my side and knocked me off of the creature. I began to get up. Like I said, I wasn’t going to let these things take me. I had to die first. A few of them surrounded me closely now. I got up and got ready to go crazy. I jumped up and brought my fist down on one of them, knocking its head down, and the body naturally follows the head. I grabbed it while it couldn’t do anything and threw it at another. Two down. The last one tackled me and held me down. Then the winged one I was about to kill earlier stomped on my right arm. Did I mention that I’m right handed? Anyway, it hurt, a lot. I screamed and punched the one holding me down in the jaw, grabbed its foreleg and pulled from it under the creature, causing the creature to fall on its side. I brought my leg up to the winged one and kicked it in the back of its neck. It backed off a little after that. I got up and cradled my broken right arm with my left. A blast hammered me in the back and I fell on my broken arm. Yeah, I screamed. Wouldn’t you have? You’re lying if you said you wouldn’t. Or maybe you just don’t understand the extent of the damage. My right arm was crushed in two places; nothing held it together but the muscle. The bone was crushed, and I could feel every bit of it. I rolled on my back. One of them came close to me followed by a few of the horned ones. The horned ones had their horns glowing, clearly ready to attack. Then the winged one on top of me raised its hoof and brought it down hard on my face. I was angry again. Yep. I tried getting up but it just did it again. And again. And again. By the way, I’m not an animal. I can’t be trained to not do things when fighting for my life. The thing saw that this wasn’t working so it stomped on my lower torso. Now for the first time since I was six, I threw up. Right in its face.
Chapter 5: The thing got off of me but I didn’t move, everything hurt too much. I saw the horned ones look up at a golden colored chariot. But it looked sort of bigger than a chariot. Like it was designed to carry several people, or whatever these things were. Three more came down after it. They were all being pulled by several of the same type of white winged creatures that I had just vomited on. The first one met the grass and another white creature exited, surrounded by a few gray ones. But this white one had a horn, and he was dressed in a different style of armor and uniform. This one had to be the leader. The one I threw up on wiped its face off in the grass, put its helmet back on, and hurried to give its report to the leader. I didn’t exactly catch what they said, but I knew it was English. On the creatures hip was the picture of a purple shield with a pink sparkle inside of it. It looked at me and I just didn’t have the strength to care anymore, let alone be afraid. It turned back to its subordinate and clocked it on its helmet and barked an order at it. Whilst holding its head it complied, rallying the other troops into the other chariots. The leader walked toward me casually, took off its helmet, and knelt next to me. Its eyes were blue and just as big as the others. So was its hair. “Don’t worry,” he said, “you’re going to be fine, I promise.” With that he put his helmet back on and his horn began to glow the same color as his eyes as I was surrounded loosely by the blue misshapen ball and lifted off of the ground gingerly. He walked slowly back to the chariot where the others were standing guard. The ball I was in followed him as he walked. The last thing I saw of the ground was a patch of blue flowers. Soon I was placed carefully in the corner of the chariot, propped up on the wall. He said something to the winged ones and they took off, pulling the chariot in the air. At this point I decided to let myself sleep.
Chapter 6: He woke me up; the blue haired leader. He placed his arm on my not broken arm and lightly shook me awake. It was kinda nice. I noticed that my arm felt more stiff than limp and looked down at it. My arm was in a sling cast. I was okay with it, but it was then that I knew for sure that it was broken just like I had thought it was. I tried to get up but sort of failed to, falling down halfway up. I tried again and had the same result. I just couldn’t do anything. I felt the ball surround me and lift me up. It placed me on his back as he exited the chariot. I just let myself fall forward and rest on his neck. Then I thought of how much these creatures looked like horses. At the same time I realized that they were horses. I mean, they had obvious differences from normal horses: Their legs were a bit wider but seemed fully functional and really not fat at all, all of and their fur coats were a bit thicker than normal horses, and their faces seemed to have a bit of a human touch. Other than that they were horses. I remembered thinking about how they resembled unicorns. Now I realized that they were unicorns, and all that stuff they did to me must have been magic. And the white ones, this guy excluded, must have been pegasi. I didn’t really look at where we were but I could tell that it was some kind of high-class city. There were more horses too; unicorns, pegasi, and regular ones without either. Here’s the thing, they were all different colors. All colors. Colors of the rainbow and anything else. Different shades and all. “Oh look,” I said, “candy colored horses.” That just set off something in my mind, which almost gave away where I was. I remember reading something before that someone wrote. I think it was ‘I can’t believe that all of this was started by a bunch of talking, candy colored horses.’ We were brought to a pair of huge, gracefully and beautifully designed doors. They opened as soon as he stepped close enough to them and we were brought to and even bigger and long hallway with another set of the doors at the end. There were stained glass windows and paintings decorating the walls. One of the stained glass images was of six different colored diamond shapes surrounding a box. The next image was of six different colored horses going up against some kind of dragon. I was really out of it, so I couldn’t completely piece it, or much of anything, together at the moment. Then another image; this one involved the same horses, a giant black horse with fangs, holes in its legs and both wings and a twisted horn, and a horde of creatures that looked like it but smaller and without horns. There was another horse, it was pink and had a horn and wings just like the black one, but this one was just a bit smaller than the other. Then I saw what looked like the unicorn that was carrying me now. Above the pink one and him was a heart. “Is that you?” I asked, half out of it. He chuckled before replying “Yeah, that’s me, along with some of the best ponies I’ve ever known.” “Ponies?” I asked, a bit in disbelief. He just chuckled and didn’t say anything. And as I said before, I was too out of it to care. I saw one last picture, a portrait this time. This one was of a purple unicorn, with two highlights in her dark purple hair, one a lighter shade of purple, one hot pink. “Who’s that?” I asked. He stopped and looked at it for a good minute before answering. “That would be my sister, the smartest mare in all of Equestria.” Yeah, I should have been able to tell where I was by now. I know. I’m going to beat myself up mentally forever for not piecing it together from everything I saw and heard. In reality I knew everything about this place but I was just too mentally unstable at the time to piece anything together. As the doors opened I saw the tallest one of them yet. She was huge; her legs were long, she had both a horn and wings just like the horses in the stained in the glass. Her hair was multicolored with bright colors that really stood out, it was wavy as if there was a wind in the room and it sparkled. She wore golden garments and a necklace with a purple gem in its center. I automatically thought that she was a queen. Her eyes were bright and purple. Her horn longer than any of the unicorns I’d seen so far. Her wings the same compared all the pegasi too. A golden tiara sat right behind her horn with small purple gems in it as well. I shot up so fast that I fell off of the horse that was carrying me, thankfully on my left side. I picked myself up quickly and every clue that had been present all day rushed to my mind and formed their puzzle so quickly that it actually hurt my head. “Princess Celestia.”
Part 2: Nice to… you’re kidding me. Right? Chapter 7: Not only did I realize where I was, but I also started to remember everything about this place. I was in Equestria. The place that every brony dreams of going to. Literally dreams about. People have chain dreams about this place. And now I’m here. “Princess Celestia, is this a dream?” I asked. Imagine my surprise when she actually answered back. “No Dorian, this is most certainly real.” Okay I have to say this now; hearing her voice on the show and hearing it in real life are two completely different experiences. I’d like to be able to describe her voice but… I just can’t. It’s too amazing to describe. Not just because I like her voice but also because I’m actually hearing it for real. Yeah, imagine that happening. Now put yourself in my place, minus the whole taking on a Royal Guard unit, and you probably know how I feel. “Wow, so I’m in Equestria?” “Yes.” She answered. “I’m actually here? This is for real? Did a certain purple unicorn mess up a inter-dimensional spell? Or did a turquois unicorn want to bring a human to Equestria for once? Or am I just here by some cosmic coincidence?” Yeah, I was trying out every explanation for this situation. “Yes Dorian, you are actually here, this is reality, and none of the above.” Dang she’s good. “Wow, this is like, so cool. I can’t believe this. So. Much. Joy.” Yep, I’m just acting like myself. Princess or not, this is too cool for me to pay attention to proper speech. “So how am I here? Did you bring me here?” “Not exactly.” She said, a slight chuckle in her voice. “I mere commissioned you here, it was my sister’s magic that brought you here.” She then turned to one of the unicorn guards that were either side of her and said, “go fetch Luna, she needs to see this.” Funny, she said that with a huge smile. The guard gave a ‘yes princess!’ and left the room. Great, so I get to meet both Princesses and the one and only, Shining Armor all in one day. Say it with me now: Best! Day! Ever! I was enjoying this so much. But I had questions that were going to be answered. But first I had to do the polite thing and introduce myself. Even if she did know who I was already it was still a traditional thing that I had to do. I walked up to her at a regular pace. And I could totally see the remaining guard tense up. Thing is, I didn’t plan on getting in another fight with the Royal Guard. No way. No how. I would not get in a fight with them on a plane, I would not get in a fight with them on a train. It just wasn’t going to happen. Once I was close I stopped and extended my hand. “My name is Dorian, Milady. Nice to meet you ma’am.” I was being sort of goofy with the milady thing. She extended her… hoof, with a small smile that I just guessed was a royal thing, and I wrapped my hand around it, giving it a slight shake. (Ever notice how describing handshakes is kind of weird?) After we withdrew our… graspers I guess, she replied, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Dorian. I am Princess Celestia. But you already knew that didn’t you?” Wow, okay at least now I don’t have to pretend that I don’t know where I am. That saves so much ti-… wait I already gave that away earlier. Whatever, I’m going with it. “Yes ma’am.” I nodded. “Well then that simplifies things greatly.” She said majestically. Stepping down from her throne, she ruffled her wings in place sort of like how a bird would. Now, this being a cartoon horse with wings, I was sort of nerding on the inside. It looked cool. Then again, I never do much so almost anything looks cool to me. She motioned with her hoof for me to follow. I gave a single nod, rested my arms in my jacket pockets, and followed. Shining Armor just stayed where there, taking up position by the door the other guard had just left. “If you have any questions,” she began, “now would be the time to ask them.” Opportunity I’ve been waiting for. “Actually I do.” “Shoot.” “Okay so, like, I’m actually here in Equestria, the land of ponies, griffons, dragons, and mantacores?” “Don’t forget about cockatrices.” She added with a small chuckle. “Right, those things. What about the world, how is it shaped?” I began but decided to rephrase the question, “I mean, are the fan fictions true? I mean, obviously not all of them, but at least some of them?” She wasted no time even thinking about an answer. “Some of them, yes. The world is actually shaped by a few of the fan fictions from your world. Others however, are true in different dimensions.” [WARNING CONFUSING SCIENCE FICTION PART AHEAD! WARNING!] “Say huzah what huh? Other dimensions?” I asked, still being myself. “Yes. You see, certain dimensions run parallel to each other. These dimensions have similar appearances and characters living in them, but the way they differ is in how the environment reacts.” “Oh, I get it. Kinda like time travel but you can’t change the future.” I said, hoping I was hearing this correctly. “Exactly.” She said, a hint of admiration in her voice. Then it hit me. “So… cupcakes?” I asked just one word, and I knew she’d know what it meant. “In another dimension.” She replied quickly, clearly as sickened by the thought as I was. I gave a sigh of relief. [REJOICE! CONFUSING SCIENCE FICTION PART OVER! REJOICE!] “Any more questions?” She asked nicely… kind of too nicely, even for a world filled with colorful talking unicorns and sparkles. “Yeah. Am I the first human in Equestria?” I asked, hoping not, it would be cool to have someone with experience on my situation to go to for advice. Especially in their name was Colson. “No,” she said with a small laugh of amusement, “actually humans are a native species of Equestria. However they have separated themselves from most other groups so their existence isn’t well known. Only a few still know of them.” “Cool.” “I think I only have one more question.” “Yes, Dorian?” “So am I in another dimension or what?” “Or what.” She said with a smirk. “You’re simply on another planet in our galaxy.” “Wow,” I said flatly to amuse myself, “that’s pretty awesome.”
Chapter 8: “Okay I gotta ask you something.” “I already gave you permission to ask me any question you like.” She reminded me in a plain voice. “I know, just making sure that deal is still running. Okay, do you and your sister really control the sun and the moon?” Her plain expression turned into a aged smile and she answered. “Not exactly.” I braced myself for the onslaught of knowledge that was sure to shatter my worldview… or something close to that. “You see, my sister and I do control the sun and moon, but our world still rotates on an axis around the sun with the moon in its orbit, much like your world.” “But then how-“ I stopped myself so I could say something cooler, “Then what’s different from my world?” I tried to sound like I was cutting to the chase, kinda tried to be cool at the same time. Probably failed, but at least I tried. “Our world moves too slowly,” she began, “If it were to be left to it’s own natural state, the days and nights would be too long.” “And that’s bad because?” “If the days were too long then the sun would dry up all water sources faster than they could be circulated through the clouds. And if the nights were too long the plants wouldn’t receive the sunlight they needed to survive.
“Well this is cool and all..” I began, exaggerating the skepticism in my voice like the drama king that I am, ”why am I here?” “Whatever do you mean, Dorian?” the sun princess. “I mean, like, why did you uh, commission you said? Commission me here to equestrian? Because I honestly doubt that it’s going to be for Luna to have a friend. My luck just doesn’t work like that.” I said, matter of fact-ly, jamming my hands in the pockets of my coat… and that’s when I remembered my Twizzlers . “Okay forget what I said,” I corrected, pulling them out and opening the small pack, “my luck just got better.”
Chapter 9: “What are those?” The Princess asked, leaning slightly for a closer look at my candy that may as well be sent straight from God himself. “Oh,” I began, ready to rant as the first piece hung from my mouth, as I spoke I held it in place with my teeth, “these are strawberry flavored Twizzlers. Back on earth they’re a type of candy. Particularly my favorite.” “Hmmm… would you mind if I tried one?” “Not at all, mipony.” I said, trying to be cool but most likely failing. She ripped one of them from the rest with her magic and levitated it to her mouth, took a small bite, then soon devoured the entire string of red candy. “I must say I can see why they’re your favorite, Dorian.” Celestia said after clearing her mouth of the bits and pieces of what was left in her mouth. “Like I said, ‘food created by God himself.’” “Indeed,” she replied coolly, in the style that a TV character would right before the episode ended or went to commercial. “In fact, it might be better than cake.” After she said that she stared ahead blankly as she walked, as if she had just committed a great betrayal. Of course I didn’t notice, I was too busy screaming in my head. Something along the lines of, “OH MY GOSH THE RUMORS ARE TRUE!”
I would have told myself to keep focussed on the questions at hand... hoof... whatever. But at the moment I am being choked out by a death hug from another large pony. So much pain but I don't care. Could be worse. I could not be being hugged to death by a giant cute pony, hugging and swinging me around like the best present she'd ever received. But on my end of the gift exchange was a spine rearrangement, which by the way, I could feel very vividly. As I look down I can see blue arms... forelegs wrapped around my torso, squeezing tightly enough for me to be able to see my jacket bulging out around them. The world around me is blurring long enough for me to realize that my assailant is spinning around with me in her forelegs. HAH! I got it right that time. Anyway, the hooves are covered with dark blue royal garments with a chrome finish. Now, as much as I love making you all jelly, I enjoy my current spinal structure more. That and my cracked ribs were still pretty messed up. Taking these into account, I manage to choke out the words, "choking *gasp* me..." Honestly I wasn't even sure if this pony had heard me. At this point I was mentally going over the reasons why I was glad to die in Equestria instead of back on Earth. And just when the black tendrils were enclosing on my vision is when she let me down with one of the softest voices I've ever heard. "Oh! Oh of course, that's right. You're a human, and humans need air, but you're a human and you're here, right before our eyes. Oh it's been too long since I have seen a human in Equestria!" Now, saying that she was speaking fast wouldn't do this speed talker any justice; she was near mumbling out half of what she said.
"Easy now Luna," the tall, white, wavy maned alicorn warned, "he has injuries from his run in with the Shining Armor's scout unit."
"Oh, yes," she returned, "we had heard about that. Such an unorthodox way to handle a creature who's species you know so little about." The words were spoken both sternly and with hindsight. "Indeed." The elder sister said simply, looking at me with a smile.
Now, when Luna dropped me, landed on my tail, so she was still right behind me. I looked up and she was craned over me, smiling from ear to ear... how was that even possible for ponies? Wait, magical talking unicorns, physics is invalid here.
I felt magic engulf me again and I was lifted probably just an inch off the ground. The magic ceased and I was dropped like a little kid into the Night Princess's extended arms.... Aw dang it! Hooves, Dorian! HOOVES!
With that smile still engulfing most of her face, she spoke to me. "You are going to do great things here."
