Snubbs rises from his unmarked grave in the Everfree and goes on a humorous quest to find his murderer.
Snubbs lived as a simple door to door salespony, he rises from the grave with little recollection of who he was, now he goes on a quest to find his murderer, he also eats a apple, some fried chicken and gets in a pinball machine fight to the death.
Welcome to Ponyville! See some sights, meet the elements, eat some brains.
Applebloom slowly bounded through the thick underbrush of the Everfree forest. On her back she carried various potions and and a strange variety of Bottles in her saddle bag.
In recent weeks Applebloom had been receiving training from Zecora in the production of Potions, and every so often Zecora would instruct her to dispose of failed Potion mixes and experiments in a nearby cave. But on her first expedition Applebloom found that the cave had collapsed. So without telling Zecora, Applebloom had been Dumping the discarded Potions in a far off part of the Everfree.
The section of the Everfree was the creepiest part Applebloom had ever seen, Everything in it was dead, the trees, the grass, and not a single animal inhabited the place. She had stumbled upon it by chance after discovering the collapsed cave.
Applebloom’s hooves crunched on the dead dry leaves on the ground as she entered the clearing, broken bottles from previous disposal runs littered the ground. She removed her Saddlebags and began her ritual of dumping all the bottles out on to the dark black soil. Applebloom had dumped about three bottles out when she felt something that made her stop.
The ground beneath her hooves had begun to shake, the sound of tearing soil erupted from the ground as a single rotten tan hoof popped from the dirt.
Applebloom dropped a bottle in shock as the hoof slowly grew into a whole pony. The Pony got to his hooves and stood before her at an odd angle.
The Stallion that rose from the dirt was not a normal pony, He had a dry rotten tan coat and a tombstone for a cutie mark. He had a huge gaping wound in his side exposing several vital organs that were all black with age, a burning cigarette hung from his mouth, he wore a tattered brown suit complete with jacket and Hat. But worst of all he had simply the ugliest tie Applebloom had laid eyes on.
“Excuse me sir, but what possessed you to wear the tie this mornin?” Applebloom asked.
The previously dead pony responded by looking down at the filly. The Stallion pounced on her brought his jaw right on top of Applebloom’s head before she could even squeak. He bit her skull open with a sickening *Crack! Then proceeded to eat away at the small supply of gray matter beneath. After a few bites he found her Brain stem, He took in in his teeth and popped it from the fillies body with a audible *Pop! He let the fillies body fall listlessly to the ground, a look of shock frozen in her milky dead eyes.
The Zompony felt refreshed with his newest meal, then noticed the something was wrong. Ponies didn’t typically rise from a unmarked grave and eat the brains of other ponies. The Zompony tried to remember what had happened but I guess being dead doesn’t do much for the mind. The Zompony groaned with frustration, he then got an idea. He dug through his coat, after a few seconds he fished out a Seven rusty bits and a moth eaten card. On the card it said,
“Official license of door to door sale Snubbed life.”
Okay so what he got from it was he was a door to door salespony named Snubbed life, who eats brains. First things first, Snubbed life was a crappy name, the Zompony decided that he would be called Snubbs from now on, because it sounded really cool.
“Brains,” a light voice moaned.
Snubbs looked up and found that the corpse of his previous victim had reanimated and was stumbling around. Snubbs decided to ask her where the nearest town was, he gave her a warm smile through his partially decomposed lips and asked,
“Brains?”
The little filly stopped limping around and stared at Snubbs blankly, then when back to stumbling around like a idiot.
Snubbs groaned again and decided to find a town on his own, he picked a direction and started limping into the forest.
The Undead filly however had come over a huge craving for brains, a small primeval instinct drove her in a direction where she knew there would be plenty of brains. She shuffled through the bushes of the Everfree for about an hour. Until she reached her destination, A large apple orchard. She limped and moaned through the wide expansion of trees and climbed the steps of the dry wooden porch to the farmhouse.
“Brrraaa-aa-aaaaaiins,” She chimmed.
The sound of heavy Hoofsteps echoed within, the door opened to a large red stallion who jumped with shock at the sight of Applebloom. “Applejack! get some towels! Appleblooms home and she’s bleeding!” The Stallion screamed, then took Applebloom in his hooves.
A Orange mare by the name Applejack upstairs panicked when he heard him shout, She quickly left her room and ran to the bathroom. As Applejack gathered several towels she heard her brother Big Mac scream, She hurried to prevent him from getting too hysterical and ran down the stairs. She entered the living room and froze with shock at what she saw.
Big Mac lay on the ground ideally twitching with with life leaving his body as Applebloom had her entire muzzle in Big Mac’s Skull chewing away at it’s contents.
Applebloom finished her meal, she took a few steps back, then pounced on Applejack.
The sound of screaming echoed through the rural area as one Sister,...ate another.
Snubbs fought his way out of the final bushes of the Everfree, her eventually broke free into a clearing. Snubbs let out a sigh of relief and removed the twigs and burs to on his tattered suit, he tried to fill his lungs with the fresh morning air when he realized,
Zomponys don’t need air, being a Zompony was more complicated than Snubbs knew.
Snubbs pondered a little bit, then turned his attention to something off in the distance. He saw a bright and colorful town and instantly something clicked in his mind.
“Thats where it happened, that town right there is were I,...I….died,” Subbs thought to himself.
Snubbs adjusted his hat and marched (Well, shuffled like someone who had been dead) towards the town, it was an uneventful trip until he entered the town. When he entered Ponies everywhere emmedly started to gawk at him.
“Who is that?”
“Why, he looks dead on his feet,”
“How can he walk with that gaping wound in his chest?”
“How did he think that he would pull off the awful tie?”
Okay, Snubbs had to admit that the comment about his tie hurt but he still cared little about the opinions of those around him. Until he started feeling hungry, Snubbs felt his insides rumble. Snubbs looked around and spotted a bright pink building that looked to be made of candy, Quickly Snubbs shuffled through the front door.
‘Now Pinkie when a customer orders something a little unorthodox we still have to cater to them,” Mrs Cake explained.
“But almonds in a super chocolate surprise is anarchy!! everypony knows that almonds only go good with coconut!!” Pinkie shouted hysterically.
“Be that as it may Dear but we are a place of business, we need to cater to all of our customer’s needs to survive,”
*Sigh “ Ookie Dookie Lookie,” Pinkie said sadly.
“Good, now Mr Cake is in the kitchen why don’t you go wait tables for a while okay?”
“Okay,”
Rarity worked silently on her latest order, she hummed happily and basked in the tranquility.
*Knock*Knock*Knock.
“Oh,....Sweetie can you get that? My hooves are a bit full,”
The pitter patter of her Sisters hooves traveled from her room upstairs to the front door.
She opened it and daylight filled the main room of Raritys boutique.
“Oh hey Applebloom what's up? and what did you with your hair? and the chunk of your head thats missing? Wait,..what are you doing? No No No NO OH CELESTIA NO!! AARRRAAGGGGLLELELLLE,”
Rariy decided that she did not like the sound of the game her Sister and her Friend were playing, She turned off her sewing machine and went to investigate.
“Sweetie? is there somthing wrong?” Rarity turned the corner to the main room and was met with a blank glassy eyed Big Mac.
“Eeeenope,” Big mac moaned then wrapped his massive jaw around Rarity’s Forehead.
Snubbs entered the eating establishment and stood in the doorway, the conversations carried by the customers ceased, Snubbs shuffled uncomfortably before a bright pink mare bounced up to him.
“Hi! welcome to Sugar Cube Corner! My names Pinkie Pie you can take a seat anywhere you like and let me say that the tie you are wearing looks absolutely funtastic!” Pinkie shouted.
Snubbs felt flattered by Pinkie’s comment and sat at the front counter.
“Okay, now let me take your order,”
“Brains!” Snubbs moaned as politely as he could.
Pinkie gave Snubbs a concerned look, then shrugged.
“Ookie Dokie Lokie,”
After the energetic waitress left Snubbs went back to pondering life,...err,death,...whatever. “It was sompony here who killed him, somepony important,.hmmmm,”
“Pinkie what are you doing? wait no no NO NO!”a male voice shouted followed by a gruesome *Crack!
Snubbs head began to hurt, he just couldn’t remember. Maybe he would think better with a full stomach.
“Order up!’ The Pink Mare giggled and threw a plate of steaming pink brain flesh in front of him.
Speaking of which, Snubbs picked up a fork and began eating his meal slowly, Still Pondering his situation.
“Hey I’ve never seen you around Before! And I know everypony! when your done we go see the sights! I can introduce you to all my friends! there Applejack, Rarity, Twilight sparkle,...”
That was it, those four syllables sent Snubbs’s mind into a frenzy, he now had a name.
“Twwwiiilligghhtt Ssspaarklle,” Snubbs moaned. He got up, left three bits on the counter and turned to leave.
“Wait where are you going?” Pinkie asked.
“Oh my dear Celestia! what happened to my Husband!? Mrs Cake yelled hysterically.
Pinkie took in a deep breath, “Okay Pinkie, just remember what she told you and tell her right back,”
Snubbs Quickly Hobbled out of the restaurant and franticly sprinted down the street. Everything came flooding back he remembered everything, Every last nauseating detail of how Twilight Sparkle became his murderer.
What would a pony eating pony cuite mark look like?
Stubbs shambled down the street franticly too,.....too,..
“Where did Twilight Sparkle live?” Stubbs pondered,...the only thing he really remembered was how purple her mane was, “hmmmmm.”
Stubbs held his jaw and scanned the area, he found a nearby restaurant titled “Hayburger” There he spied something in the window.
A mare with a mane that was a solid purple color. Stubbs smiled and creeped up the the restaurant.
“ERRRRRAAGGGG!!” Stubbs shouted as he smashed through the window, grabbed the mares cranium and feasted on her metaphorical egg salad.
Stubbs burned with pride as the inhabitants of the restaurant panicked and scrambled for a place to hide.
“Mommy? MOMMY?” A filly cried.
Stubbs raised and eyebrow and looked down to see a small purple maned and orange coated pegasus filly attempting to get a response out of his previous victim.
“I don’t ever remember Twilight having a kid,..was i gone that long?” Stubbs examined his victim and his mind flooded with disappointment.
The mare he ate had a blonde coat and wings,..”Balls! Twilight was a purple unicorn,....i should really watch what I eat.
The foal began wailing, which twanged a decomposed heartstring in Snubbs chest, He then elected to spare the child of growing up without a mother.
“NNNRRRAGGGG” Stubbs groaned, marching towards the filly. The filly panicked and sprinted towards the door, she quickly found that it was to crowded with ponies to escape, so with Snubbs at her heels she ran through the double doors that led into the kitchen.
She entered the clean white kitchen and saw a collection of cooks and waiters scrambling out the back door, She was just about to follow when a dry rotted hoof snatched her up.
The filly began screaming, flailing her hooves about and buzzing her miscule wings in a effort to escape, but these actions only seemed to amuse her attacker.
“Pissh, its kinda cute the way she does that, almost like a,....a,..” Snubbs mind had wandered to morbidly humorous place.
Snubbs scanned the room until he found what he was looking for, a fryer with hay fries bubbling in the fat. With a grin Snubbs hoisted the filly over the fryer and lowered her in as she desperately tried to escape.
The second her purple mane touched the hot fat she began screaming louder until Snubbs lowered her mouth passed the surface and it filled with white hot oil.
Snubbs rolled his eyes as the child thrashed wildly spilling oil everywhere, making a big deal out of the whole situation.
Eventually the filly went limp and Snubbs pulled her seared crispy head and brought it to his mouth and took a bite.
Snubbs took in the flavor, chewed once, twice, then opened his mouth and wiped the chewed mush of his tongue.
“Yuck” Stubbs muttered, then threw the rest of the filly through a glass window, adjusted his tie and walked out the back door, screams of zompony victims reverberating through the establishment.
Snubb was immediately welcomed by several spearheads and stallions dressed in bright bronze armour.
“By the order of the princess you are under arrest, surrender immediately,” a guard stated to Snubbs.
Snubbs hung his head and complied, kinda wanting to see where this was going.
Snubbs found to himself in the dungeon of a gigantic crystal castle, strapped to a long cold table while a couple of science unicorn ponies poked and prodded the gaping hole in his chest.
“Simple fascinating, this pony has the ability to move despite the hole in his chest and yet, has absolutely no sense of tie fashion!” one of the scientists said in wonder.
“Indeed, any LIVING pony could see that tie is absolutely horrid!”
Snubbs deadpanned at the remarks about his tie.
All of a sudden a rigging noise erupted in the room, one of the unicorns cast a spell above Snubbs’s face forming a screen, a patch of static covered the screen then parted showing a angry looking purple alicorn.
“YOU!” She boomed, “You’re what been causing all this! killing my friends!! my town! OH! Twilight Sparkle shes just a weak little bookworm, well let me tell you something you son of a bitch! you kill my friend and you see me get mean! you little cannibal joyride is over! i'm coming down there to buck you in the balls! Princess out!”
The spell ceased as both scientists gave each other concerned looks.
“We can’t let her destroy this specimen, the things he could teach us!”
“Agreed, quickly, prep him for dissection,”
The scientists both moved to either side of the room gathering tools and typing on monitors.
Snubbs wasn't paying much mind, he already formed a plan to escape, Twilight sparkle was going to pay for what she did to him.
Diamond tiara walked through the carnage in the streets of ponyville as Company tore into the random citizens and local royal guards fighting to protect the town.
“Diamond i’m scared” Silver spoon said with fear dripping from her voice.
“Ugh,..Seriously Silver? haven't you even seen a poor pony before? sometimes they get a little violent and resort to cannibalism,” Diamond responded in annoyance.
Just then Diamonds eyes lit up as her three favorite ponies to pick on came into her view.
“HEY BLANK FLANKS!”
The Cmc turned to Diamond.
“Whats that a new hairstyle? looks like you fell head first in a fat fryer at hayburger.
Scootaloo moaned.
“Don’t moan at me its called makeup, not that anything in a equestria could ever make you desirable,”
Silver Spoon however shook with fear at the site that stood before her, All three of the Cmc had huge wounds in their heads with brain matter leaking out and blood caked their muzzles.
All three slowly sauntered up the Diamond continued to throw insults at the three filles, Applebloom was the first to reach her, she attempted to bite Diamond on the fore leg.
“And another- HeY! get you hooves off me you country bumpkin of a”ll have you sued!”
Sweetie Belle snuck up from behind and sunk her teeth into her flank, tearing off the skin of her cutie mark and taking it into her mouth.
Diamond screamed as Applebloom took a hold of her head, Scootaloo took one of her fore hooves and Sweetie Belle took her rear hooves.
And all three pulled with Zompony strength.
Silver turned and sprinted, trying not to heave as the sound of Diamond’s screams ceased as her body split and her entrials slipped out onto the grassy meadow like soup in a sauce pan.
The sound of tinkling tools and the soft whirring of sciency equipment where the only sources of sound in the otherwise, quiet white room.
The two scientists that were assigned to watch Snubbs were doing the exact opposite. Both of them had their backs turned to him while they prepped for the dissection.
Snubbs however was prepping for a whole new matter entirely. He had his eyes closed as he writhed his whole body within the strapped of the bed, as if the deep though he was in gave him a gigantic headache.
(sort of what one’s body language would be while watching the movie “End of Eva.”)
Then a soft pop made him stop, it was followed by a wet slap. Snubbs peered forward over his hind legs to make sure he just didn't produce an embarrassing mess.
Snubbs sighed in relief when he found his greasy bald tail on the white tile floor.
Dignity in tact Snubbs commanded his tail to slither towards the nearest scientist. It moved across the floor like some freakishly big earthworm. it started up the scientists leg, Unfortunately for him his career had required had he wear rubber hoof protectors for sanitation reasons so Snubbs tail climbed up his rear leg and onto his back without being noticed.
The Tail reared up, like a python ready to strike. Then brought itself forcefully onto the area where the pony's head met the neck. Its broke right through the skin and quickly buried itself into the scientists flesh.
The scientist jumped slightly and opened his mouth to scream the moment the Tail had pierced the skin. But the Tail had acted so quickly it had assumed control of the scientist's body before he could make a whine.
The Pony’s body shook and convulsed, fruitless in its efforts to rid the intruder from its point of control.
The Pony’s body then went rigid, then slowly turned to Snubbs. It calmly walked to the straps and activated the it's magic. (which had turned to a sickly green glow) and popped all the straps free.
Snubbs smiled and stretched his tense and decomposed muscles, Then out of appreciation to his Savior. Slapped the scientists head faced down and noisily ate the brain inside.
The sound of his colleague's skull popping was more than enough to get the scientists attention.
“GAG ZOOKS!” the unicorn yelled then ran for the door. He began banging wildly on the door yelling for the guard.
The door Swung open to one of Princess Twilight's guards.
“What all the comm-WAH!” The guard saw Snubbs charge right at him. Snubbs grabbed the Guards head within his rotten head and bit down,.....onto rock hard bronze metal. Snubbs teeth bounce back with a “TWANG”, Snubbs staggered back. The Guard saw his opportunity and pushed Snubbs back. He then produced a spear from the next room and charged Snubbs.
The spear impaled Snubbs right through his still heart and into the drywall. Snubbs thrashed wildly at the Guard but was pinned. The Guard smirked and turned to the scientist.
“This is what wiped out half of Ponyville? Sheesh i hate to see if bunnies ever decided to- Holy SWEET CELESTIA!”
It was at that point the Guard was not talking to the living scientist (That had found shelter in a chemicals cabinet) But was the reanimated corpse of the other scientist the Snubbs had eaten.
The Zompony pounced as the Guard tried to rip the spear from Snubbs's chest. But her failed and was knocked down, breaking the spear in half in his teeth. The Zompony must have been paying attention because instead of going for the Guards cranium he sunk his teeth into the Guards Jugular.
Blood spurted violently as the Guard was slowly devoured neck first. Snubbs however slid his body off the shortened spear, he adjusted his tie and began walking across the floor (which he found to be quite slippery at this point.) And calmly knocked on a steel cabinet, then hid behind the door as it slowly swung open.
“Hello? Did you-”
“NNNRRGGGG!”
Snubbs readjusted his hat, meal finished he was ready to go to the top of the castle and confront the princess.
Snubbs walked out of the laboratory (followed by his reanimated posse) and into the main dungeon. Snubbs was faced with rows and rows of cells, all filled with treats that were completely unaware of his presents. Snubbs shifted his eyes to the left to find the guards office in it were controls to the power, cell doors and fire and disaster alarms. Snubbs smirked as he lowered a hoof, killing all the lights. Then another to free all the prisoners.
All the convicts walked out into the dark. Thinking a card from a board game had came to the rescue. They all went for the main door to find it all locked. Many of the convicts expressed their anger. So loudly in fact they failed to notice 4 sets of glowing eyes closing in on the blind ponies.
Snubbs booted open the steel door to the stallions rest room, filling it with the screams and splatters of udder chaos and carnage. Only to have it properly cease when the door closed behind Snubbs.
The sound of the rustling newspaper erupted from the first stall.
“Fur Celesstia’s sake Frank! We got a riot out there? let me get my gear on!”
Snubbs bolted towards the first stall, he burst through the door, scaring the Guard pony inside to screams (it was certainly a good thing the Guard was on a toilet judging my the splashes of water that followed). Snubbs bypassed the Guards helmet and sunk his teeth into the Guards neck.
Snubbs and his pack of deadhead friends burst through the twin purple doors to Twilight's throne room. After a few packs of Guards (Who had fallen and then joined the ranks of Snubbs's fellow dead) Snubbs's horde had grown considerably.
The Group shuffled into the large round room lined with bookshelves, at the far end sat a large crystal desk. A large purple office chair decorated with a big purple star.
“I'm so glad you made it to my office.”
Snubbs froze at the the sound of the voice, he knew that voice well.
The chair turned, facing Snubbs with the mare that was responsible for his death. Snubbs almost chuckled (if he could) at the fact that this soulless killer was named a princess in his absence. Princess of what? cold blooded murder?,....Books?
“Its so more convenient if I kill you here!” Twilight activated her magic, opening two doors behind her. Guards swarmed into the room. Adorned in dark purple armor and masks, each set coming complete with a assortment of magical augmentations.
Snubbs felt a little nervous. His horde outnumbered them 10 to one, but Twilights elite magical guard where more heavily armed than anything he had faced.
Snubbs lifted a decomposed hoof, halting his army from mounting any kind of assault.
A Guard leaned to Twilight and whispered, “Shall i give the order Princess?”
Twilight looked Snubbs right in the eye, “No, I have a better idea.”
Twilight jumped down from the desk and met Snubbs at his level.
“You may think you have this Town Zompony but I've been doing something on Zomponys that no one expected me too,...Research! And what I found was-”
As Twilight went on about all the comic books she had been reading while her town was being devoured by hell spawn. Snubbs just rolled his milky white eyes. Definitely the “Princess of books.”
“But above all I found that all zombie share one massive weakness!”
Two Flashes illuminated the room, Snubbs blinked and rubbed his eyes furiously. Once his eyes had adjusted he saw what Twilight's Challenge would be.
In front of him sat a pristine vintage “Daring Do and the raunchy river ride” pinball machine. Three bits sat on the glass table of each game.
“Poor motor skills! I've been playing this machine since I was a foal! (on Sundays when the library was closed) I said i would buck your balls and i meant it! First pony to a million points wins!
The Guard that spoke up earlier widened his eyes, “Um,...Princess? do you think its wise to stake the fate of Ponyville on a pinball game?”
Twilight turned “Oh I'm sorry did Celestia give you wings?”
“I'm a Pegasus, so no-”
“That's right! so shut up and let me kill this guy.”
Twilight inserted her first bit, he machine came to life in a hail of lights and clinks.
Snubbs nervously inserted his first bit, He launched the ball which whipped around and flew past his flippers and into the foul drop.
Snubbs growled as he launched his second ball. He managed to score a few points but missed his ball after scoring just 200 pts.
Snubbs slammed his hoof on the glass table, rigor mortis had not done much for his reaction time.
“Hey!” Twilight yelled, “These are un-restored classics! You wouldn't wanna damage the core!”
The core? are these things radiactive? hmmm,....
Twilight's machine flashed, Snubbs leaned over and saw that she had accumulated over 200,00 points.
“HA! Beat that zombie!” Twilight taunted, putting in her second bit.
Snubbs perked up, he quickly fished in his pockets. Snubbs pulled out a rusty bit of the seven he had been buried with.
Snubbs popped the bit into his mouth, sucked air into his cheeks. With careful aim he spat the bit. The brass bit whipped through the air and landed on the glass top of Twilight's machine. Knocking the last bit off the machine and onto the floor.
Snubbs continued playing, but Twilight was scoring more points on this bit. To make sure she would need to use the rusty bit Snubbs picked up his machine and tilted it.
A shrill alarm rang out, catching Twilights attention. “Hey! No tilting! you might a swell be a good sport about this. consetering that I'm going to dissect you, ON A BED OF ROCK SALT!”
Distracted Twilight let her last ball drop. Twilight groaned and used her magic to insert her last bit. But the ancient old bit put up a bit of resistance.
Twilight Raised an eyebrow, but looked at Snubbs playing. Twilight couldn't bear the idea of Snubbs catching up to her so, she narrowed her eyes and gave the bit a huge push with her magic.
After some straining the bit still hadn't gone through, so facing defeat. Twilight drew a long breath and gave the bit all she had. Twilight huff and sweated, she groaned and yelled until. “PING!,....PING! PING! PING!”
The bit gave way and the force of Twilight's magic had pushed it clean through the machine. Then had enough force to ricochet off the walls of the room.
The Bullet cleanly sliced into the right eye of one of the Guards, Blood Sprayed everywhere as he tried to apply pressure to his new wound.
Twilight however was more worried about her machine, a soft pink glow illuminated the room from the machines core.
“Oh no, the original Daring Do series amusements were powered by a quantum foam core, if it reaches critical mass it’ll-”
BOOM!
Snubbs was blinded, deafened and muted (not that he could talk anyway) all at the same time. He was thrown head over heels and into a bookshelf.
Then all hell broke loose.
The Zomponies, being Zomponies. Were mostly unhurt by the explosion. Where as Twilight's Guard has sustained heavy injuries from the explosion.
Bits of Guards were strewn across the floor, and more whole Guards screamed in agony. These to the Zomponies were like a all you can eat buffet, and the blood and guts of their deceased comrades where just the tangy Worcestershire sauce.
Snubbs came through in the midst of chaos, Screams of agony and fear mixed with groans and growls of joy as the room turned into an all out pony entrails filled food processor.
Out of the corner of Snubbs's eye he saw a movement, like a door swinging closed. He got up and quickly shoved his way through the crowd of appetizing delights.
A bit oak door stood behind Twilights office chair, Snubbs forcefully kicked the door open.
Inside was a somberly lit room, a giant window behind a tall purple throne made up of most of the north wall. Twilight look out of the glass wall. Through it one could see all of Ponyville. The late hour had given the little town a dusky haze as the sun had began to set on the fires and carnage in the streets.
“All of it gone.” Twilight choked.
Snubbs shifted uncomfortably.
“My friends, my books, my K/D ratio, my pinball machines, all of it, gone.”
Twilight turned to Snubbs, She staggered, nursing a large shard of pinball glass table top that was lodged into her front right leg. “And it's all you fault!”
Snubbs moaned confusingly.
“Why? Why did you come here and destroy my town?”
Snubbs just sorta shrugged, he didn't have a particular reason to, he just did. Leave it to a woman to make a man turning into a Zompony feel like his fault.
“Well don’t care what you reasons are, you gonna pay! I don't care if you where the reanimated corpse of Zeus! or Moses! or John luke picard! I don’t care if you were-”
Twilight's eyes widened, then narrowed. She stared deeply into Snubb’s and Then Widened them again.
Snubbed Life, a young, ambitions grey coated door to door sales pony looked onward to the small community known as Ponyville.
Snubbed Life breathed deeply as he trotted off the train, smiling warmly to all passengers boarding or otherwise.
“So this is Ponyville? Finally a completely untapped resource for aspiring salespony of customers, I'm going to sell a lot of policies today I can just feel it!” Snubbed Life’s optimizm was almost sicking as he heaved a hefty briefcase marked with the image of a tombstone with a ghost of a pony rising from it made of money, the words “Second Rising Life Insurance” Surrounded the image.
Snubbs chose the largest building to begin with, it was a library. Snubbed Life concluded there was probably a old librarian inside on the verge of offing her husband. Snubbed Life might aswell get paid in the process.
Snubbed Life knocked on the door, to his surprise a young purple unicorn answered the door.
To his surprise a young purple unicorn answered.
“Hello?” Said the young unicorn.
Snubbed Life’s expectations were shattered, but he might aswell give his pitch.
Subbed bowed “Good morning ma’am, I’am a representative of “Second rising life insurance” Snubbed jabbed a hoof at his briefcase. “And i was wondering if i could interest you into any of our policies.” Snubbed smiled fully expecting to be shoo’ed off.
The mare’s expression brightened “As a matter a fact I’ve been meaning to purchase life insurance for a long time, please! By all means, come in!”
The unicorn let the pleasantly suprised sales pony into her home. Both of them sat down on a green couch that adorned the main hall.
“Please mister, tell me about yourself, I’ll get us some tea” The unicorn trotted off into the kitchen.
“We’ll ma’am my name is Snubbed life.”
“We’ll that's a bit morbid.” The unicorn interrupted.
“Heh, my parents where funeral directors, anyway what your name?”
The mare returned with a tea tray, complete with two mugs and a teapot “*Giggle, my name is Twilight sparkle.”
“Twilight,...I like it, it's a smart name, for a smart mare! and I have a perfect policy for a smart mare like you,.....” Snubbed began another pitch while opening his briefcase. but was interrupted when Twilight shoved a tea cup into his hand, causing his papers to fly all across the room.
“We can talk business later, tell me about yourself,” Twilight cooed, snuggling up to the sales pony.
Snubbed began to get uncomfortable, but he didn't want to be rude so he sipped his tea and ignored the mares less the subtle advances.
“We’ll I’m 20, I travel alot so I lack a permanent place to live, I’m new to the down,...”
“Does anypony know you’re here?” Twilight asked.
“No,..not really, I wrote my mother but that mailmare looked suspicious, I doubt that letter made it anywhere.”
“Oooh.” Twilight sighed, nuzzling so close to Snubbed he could feel her hot moist breath curl his shirt collar.
“Are you a virgin Mr life?” Twilight practically painted into his ear.
Snubbed’s eyes shot open, he slid all the way to the hoof rest on the couch, smashing himself into it like he was trapped in a lion's cage.
“Twilight, I hardly think that appropriate!”
Twilight started to crawl towards him “Whats a matter? Ashamed? ashamed that no mare has seen you for the strong professional you are?” Twilight began to wrap her hooves around him.
Snubbed pushed her hooves away, Snubbed always had a conservative view on sex, he just simply hadn't found the right mare yet,..that's all.
“I am Ms Sparkle, and i'm not ashamed of it, but I feel that it would be best if I just left.”
Twilight stood up and began to magically reel in all of Life’s papers, she stacked them neatly into his briefcase and shoved it into his hooves.
“Fine, I hope your not too offended by my behavior and in light of it is there anything i can offer you mister life?” Snubbed opened his mouth to say no but a small gurgle in his nether regions had sent the message that the tea had gone south quicker that this sale.
“Actually yes Ms Sparkle, could i trouble you to use the bathroom?”
“Yes you may, upstairs, first door on the right.”
Snubbed gave a bow, then trotted upstairs.
“Since when is a mare's heat in October?” Snubbed mumbled.
Snubbed opened the door, and almost rendered his need for a bathroom null and void, he saw a face that he had seen on equestrian currency since he was a colt, minus the bit and bridle.
In front of him was the Princess of the sun, the over standing ruler of a equestria Princess Celestia herself hanging upside down in a horrific perverted system of leather straps and chains.
Celestia herself was awake and actually look quite happy to see Snubbed.
Snubbed immediately tuned, only to have Twilight appear out of nowhere and block his way.
Twilight trotted forward, pushing Snubbed Life deeper into the upstairs sex dungeon.
She calmly walked around Snubbed and snuggled the princess in her little BDSM cocoon.
“I see you’ve met my obedient little sex slave.” Twilight cooed, Snuggling her,......lover,.....I guess.
Snubbed said nothing, He flung himself towards the door but, He found it locked.
Celestia moaned through her bridle as Twilight gave her neck a quick lick.
‘Mr Life, we regret to inform you that we are in no need of life insurance but, we do need a thrid party here.”
Snubbed flattened himself against the door. “What are you gonna do to me? Change me into a mare? Cut my dick with razor blades? Put diapers on me? Spank me with a nailed bat?”
“We’re going to kill you and have freaky dirty mare sex in your entrails.”
“Oh,.....oh no.” Snubbed’s fear had pretty much come full circle.
“Yeah, sorry but i have to keep my little fuck toy here happy or she gets,.......bity.’
“You’re horrible.”
Twilight laughed “Celestia trained me well, anyway we’re both wetter and hungrier than the steerage passengers on the Titanic so.”
A wave of purple energy shot from Twilight horn, it dissipated on Snubbed Life.s stomach.
Snubbed looked confused.
Then all of his guts exploded onto the floor. Snubbed dropped to his knees.
Both mares giggled and the sound of a leather bound body hit the floor.
As his brain function died, the curious pink organ had one last thing to say to Snubbed.
“I Always knew you would die a virgin.”
“Wow that was you!” Twilight shouted.
Snubbs narrowed his eyes.
“I’m Glad you made it back! The sex we had in your pure blood was amazing! Celestia bit the tip off my clit and spat it into my mouth,....”
Snubbs dry heaved.
“I spat it back into her mouth and made her keep it there for a week, then we made out on top of the body of a griffin that made Fluttershy cry until it dissolved.”
Snubbs had enough needless exhibition, he pounced into Twilight, smashing them both through the big window on the top floor of the castle.
Wind Whistled in Snubbs’s ears as both parties fell to the ground, Twilight opened her wings and stopped they're decent.
“I forgot she had those.” Snubbs thought to himself.
Twilight began climbing through the air as Snubbs fought to stay attached to the Princess.
Quickly realising that she would escape Snubbs grabbed onto her wing, which disturbed her flight pattern. Snubbs took the crook of her left wing and with the memories of what she did screaming in his head here bit down until he felt bones break.
Twilight screamed as the pair tumbled, Snubbs with little regret in his still rotten heart gladly fell to his doom knowing that he would be kicked Twilight flank as they both burned in tartarus.
,....Piffet.
Snubbs felt the hit, but still felt like he was still dead,...or undead, or whatever.
He opened a glassy eye, below him was a sputtering Twilight, still hanging on the last threads of life, she wiped her mouth of blood and left Snubbs with just one more quip.
“I Always knew I wouldn’t make it to the release of Fallout 4.”
As Twilight went back to coughing and sputtering Snubbs took in his surroundings.
They had both landed in the center of ponyville, which was now in the troughs of a brain eating apocalypse.
Violence ran through the town as citizen were devoured in the streets, guards fought to protect the city but ultimately were overwhelmed by the horde and eventually joined the ranks of the undead.
Pinkie pie was seen hanging a sign that said “Out of Brains.” Making a long line of undead moan and grumble in anger as they dispersed.
Twilight herself let out one more shallow breath before going silent, after her body stiffened a burst of golden light erupted from her horn.
Snubbs lifted a eyebrow, before it fell from his body altogether, he pocketed it and made a mental note to look for a stapler.
The dark clouds above separated and a golden light erupted above Ponyville, blinding the alive and undead alike.
A Guard holding his spear against the gnashing teeth of a zompony gasped. “The princess and activated the countermeasure! This place is going to be vaporized!”
The guard fell to the zompony and screamed as his coconut was cleaned.
Snubbed jumped to his hooves and was relieved that nothing was harmed in the fall, the golden light fell closer as Snubbed tried to gallop away from it as the roofs of the housed began to burn, soon the ground became hot the brim of this had began to smolder.
then all at once everything went a dark brownish green.
The problem of the zompony herd (along with Ponyville) Was gone in ten seconds flat, the countermeasure set in place by Twilight vaporized everything within a ten mile radius, even ponies in canterlot had to turn there A/Cs up. Sugarcube corner was gone, sweet apple acres was gone, carousel boutique was gone There was nothing left.
except one survivor.
In a flash of brownish green light Snubbs reappeared a few miles outside of the ponyville border, he fell on his rump in the middle of a dirt road. After a few seconds of dazing he began to wonder how he possibly survived.
Snubbs took notice of his hat lying on the ground, he looked up to see a grimy patch of dark brown mane, and a tan rotted horn, growing with the remnants of the last spell casted.
Snubbs shrugged, being dead really messes with your memory, he replaced his hat and stood up, taking his surroundings, he turned to see a large billboard, and what her saw changed his life,.......afterlife,......nevermind.
If Snubbs's heart could beat it would have skipped one, his eyes drank as the sight of the most beautiful mare he had ever seen.’
She was a beautiful midnight hue, her mane was slightly brighter, her cutie mark was a clouded moon, her eyes,.....her eyes were indescribable pools that Snubbs could get lost in for days.’ Snubbs fell from his stupor long enough to notice an electronic box on the front of the billboard, he pushed the big red button on it.
“Dost thou seek to see the grander side of Equestria?.....”
“That accent is down right sexy.”
Then come to the royal mountainside city of Canterlot! Where the fine dine and wine,.... and be sure to stay for the summer sun celebration and bear witness to me! Luna Princess of the night,....”
“Sold”
And my Sister Celestia, Princess of the day.!”
Snubbs narrowed his eyes,....this wasn't over yet, he still had vengeance to wreak,....and love to find.
Snubbs found a patch of wild roses, he put one into his lapel, which wilted and died immediately. He breathed into his hoof and smelled, he found that either he didn't smell, or his nose no longer worked.
Either way Snubbs began galloping down the dirt road towards Canterlot with more determination that her ever had in his time of being alive,.....and dead.
“Get ready Luna! to meet the love of your life! and Celestia, get ready to meet the end of yours!”
