Find No Peace
Find No Peace
It was evening. Princess Celestia was pulling down the waterfall sun just as Princess Luna was revealing the moon; both central bodies were in the sky, illuminating the earth with their pulsating light. All of Ponyville was painted with watercolor bronze, apple red, and deep lavender; the sky was an elliptical of stars that brightened the land. Despite this, it was dark in Twilight Sparkle's dwelling. Her spirits sagged along with the dimming light, an atmosphere she once enjoyed. The muted sounds of everypony finishing their evening tasks were enough to send pangs of fear and grief shooting through Twilight's body; the heavy swelling of her heart grew and she turned away from the window, taking care to close the blinds tighter so she didn't have to see Ponyville.
Twilight had declined Pinkie's multiple enthusiastic invitations to sleep over, as well as Rarity's invitation to a spa day; instead of joining her friends for dinner, the down-trodden pony kept measly company with her textbooks and maintained her low spirits. It had been a few week since she last spoke to anyone, she even made sure Spike was kept preoccupied so there was little contact. The strange thing was that nopony seemed to notice that she was tied up in herself. Of course, it was much like Twilight to immerse herself in studies, and then to eventually disentangle herself in the following weeks. This was a different sort of focus, however; it was borderline obsessive the way she threw her every energy into this study. Even now she sat on her bed, pulling up a book from the pile and feeling the smooth, cool pages. Occasionally she would close the book to glance at the title (although she knew it distinctly, from the cursive gold loops and arches to the dark maroon leather underneath the script). Her eyes shut tightly. Now there was complete darkness, no light to shine through and further illuminate the truth.
She was alone.
Friendship, as Princess Celestia stressed, was the most important thing to a pony. Twilight had thrived; it hadn't always been easy to make connections, to abandon her introversion, but she had conquered that demon. Depression, anxiety, loneliness, they were less common now that she had company. In truth, Twilight was more alone than ever. She could be in the presence of any individual and they still would have no idea the thoughts that came to her mind. She could be in the same room, same moment in time as they, and yet they wouldn't know of the storm that raged inside.
Knowledge is power; Twilight knew this, and she spent nearly every moment of her time gathering such, obtaining the most power she could. In her success, her friends joined her in the task of reigning over Ponyville. Still, Twilight was not content. Was it her desire to rule that brought on this eternal season of discomfort, or was it the persistent uneasy feeling in the back of her mind that this eternity was ephemeral? Was it her discovery that all things had an eventual, undeniable end?
Everypony knows of its immortality, the continuous cycle of finding purpose and fulfilling it. Looking down at the book in her hands, the book she had poured over for weeks on end, she saw the perfect contradiction to the inevitable. The title read "Mortality and the Pony Race", and at first she thought "mortality" was a made-up word. Naturally she thought the book was a fable, but then her curiosity caused her to pursue further in her studies.
Mortality, she discovered, was the darkest secret in all of Equestria, the definition of such a word blotted from the history books and blanked from the minds of everypony. This book had appeared seemingly out of nowhere; it was the only book in which that forbidden word was mentioned. It went on to describe death and a thing called decay, where the body stops working and the mind shuts off completely. As far as was mentioned, there was nothing after. Only maybe was there an afterlife, only perhaps was there magic beyond the physical realm.
It is known that no magic is forever; if the Spell of Immortality (initially cast by Cosmic Crown the First over all of Equestria) is reversed, everypony's physical form will decay. From this point, there is no return, and the Cycle of Life will resume.
"The Cycle of Life? I know I've seen that somewhere before," she had breathed when she first read over the words, careful not to rouse Spike from his sleep; however deep a sleep he was in, she did not want to risk gathering his attention.
Now she stood and began pacing, remembering what she had learned once the chapter on the Life Cycle was read; immortality, nature, everything in Ponyville and the whole of Equestria was unnatural in some way, although she didn't know just how. She was born and raised in this environment, knowing of everlasting life and everlasting peace. "Ignorance is bliss," she whispered, hitting her head against the novel. If this was unnatural, and she was the only one aware of it, should she restore normalcy? If so, then how?
Those were the questions resounding with a constant clang, the reasons she could find no rest. The moon was fully risen, the sun set, and Twilight finally collapsed onto her bed. Exhaustion took her, as did the night, and for the first time in weeks she succumbed to sleep. It was unrestful, and she woke constantly. The most unsettling thing was that she did not dream. Everypony dreams, every night; there was something different about tonight, and something different with the world since her eyes were opened.
Her decision was already made, and now there was no return. She couldn't enlist the help of her friends, couldn't tell a soul. She would have to sneak away during the bustle of the day, and hope that no one would see as she left Equestria and entered the unknown worlds surrounding. It was a lot to take in, a lot to worry about, but for now there was only a fitful rest.