Chapter 1
Applejack didn’t play her guitar often. Though she found a kind of peace in the strumming of chords and picked out melodies that she could coax from the polished wood and taut strings, it seemed since her cousin had taught her to play so many summers ago that there was less and less time in each day for frivolous things like guitar playing.
There was always work to be done – Applebucking that need to be taken care of, maintenance to keep the barn and homestead looking presentable, repairs and services on any number of oft-failing farm equipment; Playing guitar was a luxurious waste of time that didn’t really have a place in the busy life of a hard worker.
So, it seemed the guitar only found its way into her hooves when her mind could think of nothing else for her to do, which wasn’t often.
This time, it was not for want of a task, but instead, because she had no reaction prepared for the situation she found herself facing.
Applejack was surrounded by bales of hay as she played, the twang of the aged strings bouncing off the red walls of the barn around her and echoing back over themselves, harmonizing the Appleloosan melody Braeburn had taught her so many summers ago. The song was ambling, and perhaps even a little melancholic, but it felt familiar, and comforting as a result – it was the first thing that came to mind when she felt the polished wood on her hooves, and she found herself humming along quietly as she played, never one taken to singing in the same way that her more boisterous western relative was.
The volume of the guitar almost drowned out the sound of the barn door as it swung open, creaking softly as a familiar face nudged its way into view. Applejack paid it no attention – her gaze remained downward, staring intently at the patterns her hooves traced along the neck of the guitar, still humming distractedly amidst the familiar progression of chords and interwoven notes. She seemed oddly focused, even more than was typical of Applejack – her presence of thought appeared to be entirely concentrated on ignoring the world around her. Nothing existed in her mind save the ringing of guitar strings, and the texture of existence in her immediate vicinity, and nowhere else. Soft, scratchy hay underneath her from the bale she sat on. The smell of musty wood that composed the interior of the barn. The occasional flicker of red at the periphery of her vision when her eye slipped sideways to the farm-house’s bright crimson coat of paint. She couldn’t, or didn’t want to see the face of the same colour that peered at her from the barn’s entrance. And so, she continued to play.
Big Macintosh didn’t speak as he made his way inside – his expression was somewhat blank in his usual fashion, a calmness of presence never giving away what thoughts were stirring beneath his composed exterior. Yet, the way he entered the barn was almost timid, an oddity for someone as big as himself. Once he made his way quietly inside, accompanied by his sister’s guitar playing, he nudged the barn door closed with a bump of his bright red shoulder, making no sound but for the soft pressing of hay underhoof as he walked towards his sibling. He paused several feet away, staring at the orange-coated earth-pony in front of him, still focused intently on the instrument she continued to coax into another song.
He stood there for a moment, breathing in the musty smell of the farmhouse, letting the noise of the guitar wash over him like a rock in a river of sound, before he finally spoke.
“AJ.”
His simple greeting drew forth no response. If his sister had heard him, she gave no indication that she had done so. Her hooves continued their melodic reverie, plucking at the strings over the guitar’s body and gliding up and down the polished fret-board, eliciting the occasional squeak from the shifting of chords or errant accentuations of notes. Applejack’s gaze remained locked to her instrument, staring almost past the work of her hooves to the barn floor, as if the hay-littered ground was the most interesting thing in the world.
Her brother spoke again, his tone still flat, but subtly coaxing, as much as it could be with the grace of only two syllables dancing off his tongue.
“AJ.”
Still nothing. The guitar playing was now just a melody, stirring twangs and bent notes evoking the feeling of a hostile confrontation between two outlaw ponies in the saloons of Appeloosa. Big Mac’s somber expression stiffened ever so slightly, a subtle indication that he was well aware of the fact that the volume of his voice was quite loud enough to reach over the sober accompaniment of his sister’s guitar playing. Raising his voice ever so slightly, he tried one more time, the frustration seeping into the name of the pony who’s attention he sought as he spoke it.
“Appleja-“
His single-word sentence was cut off by a curt response from the pony in front of him.
“I heard ya’ the first two times.”
But she gave no elaboration further. The guitar playing continued, the blues-laden soundtrack to the dialogue between the two, or absence thereof, as they stood and sat respectively with no words exchanged for another minute. Big Mac was the one to break the pause in conversation, if it could be called that.
“AJ, I didn’t mean for you ta’-“
“I don’t wanna talk about it, Big Mac. Just let me be for a while, if you don’t mind.”
Another round of silence. This time the guitar had stopped, save for the single twang of one plucked set of strings, a solemn G Minor chord that rang out loudly at the resolution of Applejack’s interruption. Her eyes were still glued to the ground, and the brim of her hat had fallen low, shielding her face from her brother’s examination. His hoof traced a line in the scattered hay as he stood bathed in the discontent of the depressing orchestration.
“But-“
“I said, I don’t wanna talk about it! Didn’t you understand me the first time? Go find something – or somepony – to do, and leave me alone!”
The sting of Applejack’s words was evidenced by the grimace that washed across her brother’s face, contorting into a mask of obvious emotional injury before returning to a facsimile of its usual calmness. His voice was heavy as he tried to find a foothold among the already crumbling conversation.
“I know you must be upset about what you saw-“
It seemed Applejack was fixated on the notion that her brother must not complete another sentence for the rest of the conversation – her tone was even sharper as she cut him off this time, raising in intensity from the words she had spoken previously. The rhythm of her speech was angry, insistent.
“Upset? Now why would I be upset, seein’ my brother ruttin’ with some filly out behind the barn in broad daylight, plain enough for me to see ‘em on my way past?”
Again, Applejack’s response hit her brother hard, and he flinched before scrambling to regain hold of the exchange. A haze of emotions flowed through his mind - guilt first and foremost, followed by the sense of obligation that had brought him here to apologize in the first place. And thirdly, a dim sadness, brought on by his sister’s harshness. Though he knew what she said was needlessly crude and cruel as a product of her frustration, the words hurt. He tried to remind himself why he was here doing this in the first place, and the contemplation spurred him forward, attempting again to say what he had come for.
“AJ-“
“Heck, even finding you goin’ at it with some tramped out filly probably woulda been fine, but why would I ever get upset at findin’ you with one of my best friends, bucking each other like a bunch of school ponies in heat?”
Applejack’s tone had taken a turn from indignant anger to a heavier one, more thick with emotion, as belied by the sparkle of her eyes as tears collected at the corners. The guitar was lying against the bale of hay now, nestled into the strands of dried grass, and AJ’s hooves had occupied themselves with clenching angrily to the makeshift seat, her forelegs shaking with apparent frustration as she spoke.
Big Macintosh attempted to speak once more, though he could see the hazards of every sentence laid out in front of him now, knowing full well that there was nothing he could say at this juncture to steer the conversation clear of its eventual destination. It didn’t stop him from trying, however.
“Look, AJ-“ He managed two words before he was cut off again, this time by a full blown shout from Applejack. She finally raised her head, tears trickling down her cheeks as she spat her words at her brother, each syllable dripping with contempt.
“That’s enough, Big Macintosh. I don’t want to hear it. Just take yourself and get outta my sight – go spend some time with your new girlfriend and her stupid critters in that dump she calls a house!”
It was unlike Applejack to speak with such hostility, but the words leaving her mouth were obviously born of raw emotion, rather than any cohesive thought, let alone caring for the feelings of others based on what she said. Even though Big Mac could see that, the bitter yelling hurt – the force of the words hit him hard, like something thrown against the normally staunch brick wall of his composure, and the steadfast expression he had recomposed again and again over the course of the conversation finally cracked, sending the corners of his mouth down in a resigned frown. Though his sister’s ireful shouting stung, part of the change in his expression could be pinned on the sight in front of him – his sister standing now from her hay-bale, tears cascading down her face as it twisted in anger.
Mac knew it would be futile to speak again, so he held his tongue, staring forlornly at his sister as she continued to cry silently, the dampness covering her freckles and wetting the fur of her orange coat.
After a moment, he stepped forward, as close as he had been since the conversation began, only inches away from his sister.
“Applejack, I’m sorry-“ his voice was heavy as he begun an apology, but once again, he found himself interrupted – not by words, this time, but by the literal sting of a hoof across his face.
Applejack’s slap hurt. Big Mac felt himself blinking furiously in an attempt to stem back the involuntary eye-watering that the pain brought on. As he turned his head back, he raised a hoof, rubbing the soreness of his cheek tentatively. Applejack’s leg was only half lowered from it’s sideways swipe, and it reached the ground only after her brother’s injured gaze swiveled to meet her tear-filled eyes. AJ’s head shook back and forth, sending twinkling droplets scattering outward as she spoke, eyes clenched shut as if in disbelief.
“How could you?”
And that was all she could manage before the weight of her emotion overtook her. Big Mac stepped closer, pressing himself against his sister in an embrace as she cried, holding her tightly. He felt the tears on his shoulder as she wept, staining his bright red fur a slightly darker shade as it dampened. His cheek shone an even lighter shade, still stinging from the impact a moment ago.
Even in the deepest depths of frustration, there was solace in family.
The two ponies stood there for several minutes, the warmth of their bodies meeting in the middle of the old barn, quiet sobs replacing the gentle strains of guitar playing from only moments ago. Though the air had moments ago been thick with tension and hostility, Applejack couldn’t bring herself to reject the comfort of her big brother’s welcoming embrace. Since they had been little, his hugs had always made her feel... safe. As though, no matter the ills of the world around her or the trials she might be facing, everything was alright for as long as she felt her brother’s legs wrapped around her.
The feeling made the tears easier to stem. As Applejack’s crying abated, still revelling in the comfort of her brother’s affection, Big Mac took his chance to speak, whispering his words softly into his sister’s ear as her face nestled into his fur.
“I’m sorry, AJ. Really I am. I know there ain’t nothin’ I can say to make it right, and I only got some explanation for myself that ain’t gonna make you happy… But I’m sorry.”
Drying the corner of her eyes with her hoof, Applejack turned to meet her brother’s gaze, sniffling softly to clear the remnants of her crying. It was astounding, objectively, how quickly the normally steadfast pony could go from an outburst of emotion back to her normal stone-faced demeanour. The trace of her distress was persceptible though, as a subtle twinkle in her eye that spoke volumes, and the hesitation in her voice as she spoke.
“I thought… I mean, I just...”
“I know, AJ. I’m sorry.”
After only a moment to collect herself Applejack’s tone had returned to its normal strength, recovering quickly from her digression into sadness. As she freed herself from the familiar warmth of her brother’s gesture, her indignance returned immediately, memory still crystal clear and reminding her exactly what she was upset about.
“Sayin’ you’re sorry doesn’t make it right! I wanna know what you were thinkin’, Big Mac.”
The two pulled apart from their embrace, still standing less than a foot apart. Within what seemed like an instant, the conversation had reverted from the softened display of emotion to its earlier dynamic, Big Mac glumly looking onward as his sister glared at him in frustration – though, her gaze had softened from its initial coldness, showing the slightest hint of sympathy as she sought an explanation.
Big Mac sighed, staring downward like an embarrassed colt on the school yard being scolded by his teacher.
“I don’t know what ta’ tell ya’, AJ. I could say I wasn’t thinkin’… But that ain’t true. I just maybe wasn’t thinkin’ right. It’s just… Fluttershy and I been talkin’-“
Applejack’s eyes narrowed at the mention of the yellow pegasus pony’s name, but she remained silent as Big Mac continued his clarification.
“-and we found out we got a lot in common. We spent some time together, and she seemed real sweet on me… We was talkin’ today, and she went out and told me she loved me, and I wasn’t sure what to say-“
“She loves you?”
AJ’s voice was incredulous, thick with a tingle that suggested she might burst into tears again. the minute she had heard the name, and the other pony she had seen became real, someone she knew, her expression had soured, the enormity of what she had witnessed finally digging into her resolve.
Big Mac gave no response, simply staring ashamedly at the ground, kicking an errant sprig of hay sideways nervously.
“And what about you? Do you love her?”
The barn was silent for a moment, save for Applejack’s heavy breathing as she held back another fit of emotion, waiting for her brother’s response. He tried her name first, in an attempt to undue some of the damage of his explanation.
“AJ-“
“Do you?”
“AJ-“
“Goshdarnit Big Mac, just answer the question! Do you love her?”
The bright red farm-pony stepped toward his sister – her forelegs rose to shove him away, but he persisted, and Applejack found herself wrapped in another hug, melting forward in reponse.
“You know there’s only one pony who means that much to me, sis.”
Applejack could hear her brother’s heartbeat in her ear as she nuzzled into his fur, the softness of his breath on the back of her neck eliciting a soft sigh from between her lips. Several moments passed, neither party speaking as they held each other close, no sound but for their quiet breathing and the rustle of the hay under their feet as their weight shifted back and forth, two bodies pressing against each other in a display of affection.
This was the feeling of being safe again. Applejack knew, no matter what might come, she could always count on her brother to be there for her. Even with all that had been seen and said to this point... she couldn’t stay mad at him. Because she knew, deep down, who he loved the most.
“I just couldn’t break that poor girl’s heart, AJ. You know what she’s like… I couldn’t tell her. Things just kinda got outta hoof…”
Applejack elected not to speak. She simply nuzzled closer, sighing again as her brother’s hoof rubbed up and down her back. Though the nature of his explanation was simple, just those several sentences seemed to be enough. When a pony spoke as little as Big Macintosh did, every word counted that much more - she knew that when he said he was sorry, he meant it.
She also knew, and had known always that there wasn’t a cruel bone in Big Mac’s body. He would work himself to the bone to make someone else happy - and there was nothing that could bring him to hurt somepony intentionally. Especially his little sister.
Though there were volumes to speak, neither pony said a word for some time, entire dialogues passing back and forth through the warmth of their bodies, holding each other tight in the musty old barn.
A flurry of thoughts flew through AJ’s head. How amazed she was that she could forgive her brother so easily for his transgression. How, in the warmth of his caress, her anger had melted away, replaced only by the purest love, reminding her how much she cared for the sibling she had spent her life with. How, from the softness of his touch, and the sincerity in his voice when he spoke, that Big Mac must surely feel the same way.
He was different around her. Other ponies only saw the quiet exterior - hard working, dependable, committed, just like his sister - but Applejack saw something different. When she was with him - when the two were together, they found something else inside of each other. A secret softness beneath a gruff outer shell. An affection that knew none of the restraint that otherwise governed their lives.
A real love.
After some time, Applejack drew her head back.
“Big Mac-“
But this time it was AJ who found herself cut off – not from anything her brother had said, but from the warmth of another mouth on her own, lips pressed against hers mid-sentence.
The kiss sang of a harmony more beautiful than anything Applejack’s guitar could ever hope to produce, accompanied by the rhythmic drumming of the two pony’s heartbeats in unison. The instrument Applejack had thrown to a rest rang out of its own accord as it fell sideways to the ground, knocked over by the two bodies that moved backwards in unison, tumbling on top of the hay bale.
After several minutes, the barn was filled with music again.