Nobody Expected That Today
It was a rather calm and peaceful day in both Earth and Equestria. Well, relatively speaking. Plenty of bad things and annoying things and unpleasant things and crimes happen in both worlds daily no matter what, it's just a given. But today was a particularly calm day. It was early June of 2014 according to the human Gregorian Calendar. It was rather layed back in Ponyville, business as usual with no threats to Equestrian society or new visitors from distant lands walking into town causing a ruckus. Meanwhile, a man in northern England was enjoying a nice cup of tea while reading a novel, just trying to keep to himself today.
What fun is there in that for either party? Discord thought to himself. Maybe I should spice it up for them a little today, hmm? Discord pulled out a cell phone from nowhere and dialed a phone number. He waited a few moments for the man on the other end to answer his call.
Discord from time to time would watch human television. It was so fun to see humans causing themselves so much chaos and inconvenience and distress without his intervention, and he was even happier that many humans shared his passion for watching others suffer from such chaos. They had even devoted entire television shows and YouTube channels and sometimes even whole websites and television channels to causing inconvenience to others in the most clever or most simple of ways.Trolling, I think they called it? Discord had been watching an English program recently called An Idiot Abroad. The idea of sending someone as antisocial and reluctant as Karl Pilkington to countries such as China, Mexico, or India was brilliant! Discord also saw a lot of himself in the man Ricky, who sent Karl on his various misadventures and laughed at his expense but still claimed to be his "friend." He could definitely relate to him.
Karl was not expecting any kind of commotion today, just to spend the morning with his good book, go out to lunch by himself a little later maybe, and possibly spend some time with his girlfriend that night. It was going to be what to him is the perfect day: lots of alone time, some time with someone close, and no time with any strange villagers from other countries or bizarre folks with wildly different customs. He had had enough of them for seven lifetimes.
Karl's peaceful morning was interrupted by a ringing coming from his pocket. I wonder who the bloody hell would be calling me this early? Karl bookmarked his page, took out his phone, and checked who was calling. The caller ID said it was from Ricky.
"Well, that's mighty odd. I thought Ricky was on holiday this week?" He answered the call and was greeted by who he thought was his friend.
"Hey Karl, I was wondering if you by any chance would be interested in making a series four of An Idiot Abroad?
Karl was shocked, He had been through so much shit in his travels that he promised himself he would never agree to do it again, not for a billion pounds. He didn't need the money that badly, he was pretty well off right now and he didn't crave luxury. He didn't need to travel, he had been there, done that! Three times!
"No, no way in hell! I wouldn't for a billion pounds! Just forget it! I'm suck of all of the natives with their knobs out, I'm tired of the poor accommodations, I loathe the huge parties with all of those annoying blokes who won't shut it!"
"What if I made sure you got proper accommodations this time? Really nice folks, really good food, great scenery, no disgusting cock and bollocks for dinner. Just peace and relaxation."
"What's the catch, Ricky? I know you'll have something up your sleeve, you always do!"
"No catch, I swear! Think of this as your..." Ricky seemed to pause to think for a moment, "...reward for all you went through before."
Karl was a little skeptical, but bought it anyways. The last three misadventures were definitely enough hardship to pay for a peaceful trip abroad.
"Alright. Yeah, sure."
"By the way, Karl, how do you feel about ponies?" This question caught Karl off guard. What? Am I going to a farm somewhere and Ricky's going to try to get me to do some horseback riding? Karl supposed that was better than a lot of the other shit he had to put up with before, and the show needed something entertaining in it, and if that was it, he was okay with it.
"Umm, you mean the little horses? They're fine, I guess."
"Okay, great. We're starting right now." Mid-sentence, Karl noticed Ricky's voice changed entirely. It sounded like that bloke from that Star Trek show. Before he really processed what just happened, he was somehow sucked into his phone through the microphone.
"Oh, and don't forget to have some fun with it, Karl!" Discord added before hanging up, but Karl was already through to the other side and he knew it. He said that more for his own amusement than anything. Oh, this is going to be FUN!
Karl couldn't see, hear, or feel anything for a few moments, until he awoke in the middle of a field. After the initial shock of wow, I just got teleported using my damn cell phone, he decided to look around at his surroundings. There were many kinds of flowers, including some species of flowers Karl had never seen or heard of before. There were lots of little butterflies and bunnies around of various colors. Everything around him was in a brighter color than it normally should be, and he could swear he saw little outlines on some objects. The morning sun was overhead, not too warm to be unpleasant, but not too dim to let the breeze make him too cold, as if the sun itself had been fine tuned to be perfect. It was nice here, he thought. It was much nicer in this field than in any of the several continents on Earth he had visited. This, although many would find it pleasant, unsettled him. It was as if everything was too nice here. There had to be something here that was so bad, so aggravating, so annoying, that it balanced out and made the world right again.
He decided to do a little inventory to see what came with him and what didn't. He didn't have his book with him, unfortunately. He did have his clothes and his wallet. Good, he thought to himself, the last thing I want is to be nude and broke in a new place. Hell of a first impression that would make. He didn't have English pounds with him in his wallet however, he had some strange gold coins. He also somehow had his cell phone. Well, that's odd. Didn't I come here through it? He dismissed this thought, considering how weird everything else was.
After a few more seconds of being lost in thought, Karl saw something bright flash in the corner of his eye. he ignored it, until she came to him.
"HI! I'M PINKIE PIE! WELCOME TO PONYVILLE!"