(I'm putting this in Rage Review's 'Tear my good story to shreds review' folder, because it has more likes than dislikes, I do consider this story bad though) Maya, Krieg, Gaige, Zero, Salvador, and Tiny Tina go on adventures in E
(I'm putting this in Rage Review's 'Tear my good story to shreds review' folder, because it has more likes than dislikes, I do consider this story bad though) Maya, Krieg, Gaige, Zero, Salvador, and Tiny Tina go on adventures in Equestria!
Chapter One: Tina and Krieg, meet Pinkie and Twilight?
"Well.... you should have let me bring more bombs..." Said the little filly.
"BOMBS EXPLODY EXPLODY!!!" Retaliated the psycho, known as Krieg. "Thats not how you say bombs are what got us into this mess..." He thought, well HE didn't think it, the voice in his head did. Did I mention Krieg was insane?
"Explody explody indeed young one" Replied the small insane filly, known as Tiny Tina.
As they got up from the wreckage of the spaceship, they realised how noisy the crash was. They noticed two other ponies running towards them from the distance, one lavender, the other pink.
"HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI!!!!" Shouted the pink pony from afar.
These two ponies ran towards them and began to talk.
"Um... Are you ok?" asked the lavender pony, "That sounded like it hurt"
"SALT THE WOUNDS!!!" Shouted Krieg.
"That's his way of saying were fine." Said Tina.
"OH THAT'S SO COOOOOL!!!!" Screamed the pink pony.
"Pinkie, how is that cool?" Said the lavender pony, carefully facehooving.
"BECAUSE, IT'S LIKE THEY KNOW TWO LANGUAGE-THINGYS!!!" The pink pony continued screaming in excitement.
"How does that work?" Asked the lavender pony.
"Because he has two ways of saying they're fine, silly!" Said the pink pony, who finally calmed down.
The lavender pony just groaned, and facehooved.
"HEY! We're still lying here unconscious!" Shouted Tina
"But aren't you standing up perfectly -"
"UNCONSCIOUUUS!!!" Interrupted Tina.
"Um.. Nevermind," Said the lavender pony, "Anyway, I'm Twilight Sparkle, this is -"
"NO WAIT LET THEM GUESS TWILY!!!" Screamed the pink pony
"But how are they gonna just guess your name, it could be anything!" Said Twilight.
"But guessing games are fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!" The pink pony retaliated.
"This is Pinkie Pie..." Said Twilight.
"POOP!!!" Screamed Krieg.
"Poop indeed, young one," Replied Tina.
"Um....." Said Twilight and Pinkie in unison.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, heeeeyy, HEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!" Said Tina, "I'm Tina, this is Krieg, we cool, we cool."
"Ok......" They both replied in unison again.
"Did you just come from that crashed ship?" Said Twilight.
"IT WENT BOOM WHEN WE USED BOMBS BY ACCIDENT!!!" Shouted Krieg, who just seems to have a way with words.
"Well if you need a place to stay, your welcome at the library -"
"OR SUGARCUBE CORNER!"
"Yeah, or Sugarcube Corner..."
"Hey guys," Interrupted Tina, "I think we can all agree.... Somehow.... This is all ClapTraps fault,"
"Who?" Asked Twilight.
The non-existent camera floated up to Tina's head, almost to increase dramatic effect. "A really, really, really, really, really annoying robot thingy"
Twilight seemed almost to confused about... Everything to care that Tina just said that there was a robot where she lived.
"Well, if you need somewhere to stay, you know where to go," Said Twilight, walking off.
"Kay kay, bye!" Said Tina, who appeared almost to sane for her own good...
Chapter one: Maya, Gaige and Zer0, meet Celestia and Luna?
Maya sighed, "You have got to be the worst spaceship driver in... Ever," She said.
"Well at least our ship didn't explode like Krieg and Tina's," Zer0 said, looking at the wreckage from afar.
"How did they not even notice us?" She asked, expecting an answer, for some reason, even though she knew that he didn't know either....
"Um... Guys?" Said Gaige, "Um.... Whats that?"
"Whats what- Oh..." Replied Zer0
They were able to come to the conclusion that, they had, in fact, land in the middle of Canterlot, right next to the castle.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Said a slightly agitated pony coming from outside the door, angered by the fact that they interrupted hey royal cake testing, man she loved cake, everyone likes cake, in fact, I CHALLENGE you to find someone who hates cake.
"Calm down Celestia, we don't think it will cause much harm, maybe ponies could take it for the museum?" Said a blue pony, with a.. Moon cutie mark? Even they thought it was weird before they knew what cutie marks are, and that they had them.
"A broke ship from the sky in a museum?! People will panic if they see something like this, and know that there are... Wait there really are aliens?" Said the tall pony, who seemed to be called Celestia.
"Um.... Hello... Pony... Things..... Hi," Said a confused Gaige, not realizing that she herself was a pony, and that her robotic arm turned into a hoof.
"Hello, we would like to greet you to our country, known as Equestria.... We guess..." Said the blue pony, "We are Luna, this is our sister, Celestia."
"Hello, I guess..." Said a confused, and still slightly agitated Celestia.
"Is something wrong?" Said Twilight, who teleported after seeing a wreckage in the distance at Canterlot, "Are there more aliens?"
"MORE?!" Said Celestia, who had almost calmed down before Twilight said that.
"Um.... This is crazy..." Said Maya.
"Yo yo, so are we!" Replied Tina.
"Tina how'd you get there?" Said a, one again, confused Gaige.
"I just became so badass that I teleported here." Said Tina, trying to look cool.
"But I teleported you here..." Said Twilight.
"MY BADASSERY DID THAT!!!" Screamed Tina.
There was an awkward silence after Tina said that, I mean, how would you reply to that?
"Well, if you need somewhere to stay -"
"SHE MEANS TO LIVE IN TEMPORARILY, AS YOU WOULD BE HOMELESS IF SHE DID NOT!!" Interrupted Krieg.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"DID I SAY SOMETHING AWKWARD?!" Asked Krieg.
"He guys!" Said Salvador, who just walked over here after a small journey.
"OH FOR PETE'S SAKE!!!" Screamed everyone at once, except for Krieg, who screamed something like "MY GUN SHOOTS POOP ARROWS!!!" Nobody seemed to notice...
Ok, WHY THE FUCK IS KRIEG SO OFF CHARACTER HE SCREAMS MORE THEN JUST RANDOMNESS!!!
Chapter one: Salvador, go meet somepony so this title goes with everything else...
"So... Is that all of you?" Asked a worried Celestia.
"Yeah"
"Yup"
"I AGREE WITH THE POPULAR OPINION!!!"
"No, you forgot the bombs in the ship! And what about Flanclor Von Pickleshire?! You forgot her!" Shouted Tina
"SHE WAS A DOLL YOU LEFT IN THE SHIP WITH DYNAMITE STRAPPED TO IT!!" Retaliated Krieg, who finally said something sane ... Sorta...
"SHE WAS A PERSON WITH A LIFE AND A FAMILY!!!" Shouted Tina, who.... Wait Tina began to cry? Tina? Over a doll? SERIOUSLY?! TINY FREAKING TINA!? Who wrote this crap?!
[Two hours later]
I'm back, I've calmed down, and edited the story slightly.
"Ok fine it was just a doll..." Grumbled Tina
Celestia just stood there, looking really weirded out, Luna must have thought this looked fun and joined in.
"Ok, why don't we just calm down, shoot some stuff, and then find this vault, ok?" Said Salvador.
"Shooting some stuff seems fun, why the hell not? Replied Maya
"Um.. My little ponies, shooting stuff is illegal here..." Said a concerned Celestia.
"WHAT?!"
"HOW DOES THAT WORK?!"
"WHAT DO YOU PONIES DO AROUND HERE?!"
"AM I IN A POORLY WRITED FANFICTION?!" Screamed Tina
How did she- What is this- Why reference- WHAT IS UP WITH THIS STORY?!
[Another few hours later]
I am back... Apparently I don't get payed unless I "Read the whole thing" The dicks...
As they pondered how this place works without shooting stuff in the face, the chapter ended because screw these guys I'm reading the rest later.
Chapter Two: Perception and Reality, one in the same? Only the phsyco tells.
[Two hours after the freak-out about not shooting stuff]
Alright, I'm back and ready to read this bullshit! Then I can get payed and go.
"Um... Please step in the castle, we can explain where you can live there, there's definitely no room for all of you on Twilight's libibrary" Said Celestia.
They walked through the door, and stepped on a trapdoor, that was never there originally there.
NO! NO THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!! I am not doing this bullshit!
[Two more hours]
Ok, now that I'm strapped in the chair because I'm apparently "Becoming Violent" I was just gonna punch them...
"Whats going on?!" Asked a worried Gaige.
"Take a fucking guess!" Replied Maya.
"Oh um... Ok! We're... Falling through a trapdoor!" Said Gaige, who mistook it for a sincere request
Maya just facehooved.
It was then when they realised they were ponies and freaked out.
"WHY DO I HAVE HOOVES?!?! VOICE DUDE! DO YOU HAVE HOOVES?!" Screamed Krieg. No, I don't have hooves, seriously how can you be this stupid?! Said the voice.
"Shut up and calm down! We need to get back up there because we're falling fast, so lets put our heads together and think of something!" Shouted an angry Zer0
"I have a plan! IF you have wings, FLY AND CARRY US UP DUMBASSES!" Shouted Maya
Tina, Gaige, and Krieg flew up and carried them all up, while Celestia and Luna used their brains much earlier and flew up. When they got up, they thought about where it came from.
"Was that originally there?" Asked Salvador.
"No it wasn't that's whats confusing me!" Said Celestia.
"Maybe it wasn't there in your reality!" Said a strange voice.
It seemed to be coming from every direction so they got in a circle, except Krieg for some odd reason, he was looking in the middle.
"What you see is what you get, that's why you see me punching you!" Said the giggling, strange voice
Suddenly, a pony that appeared to be half red and half yellow appeared in the middle and went for Maya. He never got the hit as Krieg swung his axe at him, it didn't hurt much though since his axe seemed to turn into a pointy stick.
"What happened?!" Asked Maya, who just turned around.
"Perception happened, you couldn't perceive me as a threat! You couldn't perceive me at all!" Said a female version of the strange voice, giggling.
"And the reality of things is that You couldn't have attacked! Your gun is a water gun! Would that really do much damage miss?" Said a male sounding version.
The two- I'm sorry, one ponies- pony, said that perception and realty weren't so different, but Krieg had other ideas.
"What you see is NOT what you get! Your insanity will not affect your reality, there cannot be multiple realities!" Said Krieg, it was almost like his sane voice has taken over.
"Philosophy must not be your strong point, but there are no answers that are right or wrong are there? In your reality at least." Said the pony, who seemed to be almost getting wider, like he- no she- IT was splitting into two. And it did, two ponies, one a yellow mare, the other a red stallion, both smiling and giggling.
Maya, whose gun seemed to be back to normal, attempted to shoot the two. It failed.
"Reality doesn't like bullets Maya!" Said the yellow mare.
"Neither does perception!" Said the red stallion.
"We must escape, they are overpowered, are badasses here?" Asked Zer0
"Just run you fools!" Said Tina, who seemed to be equally scared...
Tina couldn't remember feeling anything more painful then that day... He finally got what the two flashed were when they were being tested, when she escaped. The doors seemed to be locked when she ran to the flash, and she would start perceiving things differently. Doors became walls, and walls became doors, she looked crazy, running around like that, but now wasn't the time for remembering painful things...
As they ran, they heard the yellow pony scream "Oh, oh, oh, oh, LETS PLAY THE FLOOR IS LAVA!"
As they ran, they started seeing the floor, change... To lava... They perceived it as a threat, even though it was just what they saw, and started climbing things as the floor turned normal.
"That was fun!" Shouted the red stallion, whose voice seemed to be coming from nowhere. "But what game will we play next?" Asked the yellow pony.
They managed to figure these things out
-Red stallion= Reality, a pony with the ability to alter reality to an unknown extent -Yellow mare= Perception, who seemed to be able to control their emotions and what they saw. -Krieg had some strange immunity to the effects.
"I know what game we should play!" said Reality and Perception in unison.
"What game? they both asked again.
"Find the air bubbles!" exclaimed Perception
"Great idea!" shouted Reality as the air around them started to look like water.
Everyone started holding their breath except Krieg who seemed to be unaffected.
"BREATH YOU MORONS!" shouted Krieg, which confused everyone because he was completely fine with letting all the oxygen out of his lungs and even spoke.
"Damn it Krieg keeps ruining our fun!" said perception, as the water disappeared.
"You find this fun?!" Tina screamed "YOU ARE NO LONGER INVITED TO MY TEA PARTY!"
Krieg then decided to use his axe to make stabby stabby, Krieg's immunity to the effects of the two allowed him to attack. He swung and... POW! Right in the face!
"Owie owie!" Said the two, forming back into one pony. "Spoilsport!" It shouted, and then it teleported away.
"Who was that? What was that? Was it real? Is this a bad fanfiction?!" Asked a confused, and worried Celestia.
STOP DOING THAT! I'm not becoming violent anymore, you can let me out of the chair now, I'm calm. POW! That's for writing this! Back to the story folks!
"That was a bad guy." Said Gaige
"No shit Sherlock" Replied Maya
"Lets go explode something" Said Tina, who almost seemed to completely forget she would have been killed.
No, NO NO NO NO! SHE COULD NOT JUST FORGET AFTER THE WHOLE THING IN THE LAST CHAPTER!
[Two hours later]
"Lets explode stuff to take that of our minds" Said a slightly terrified Tina
There, fixed.
"That's illegal too..." Said Luna "We wish thou no offense, but doth thou have even a shred of morals?!
"Probably not" Said Tina.
It was then when they FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.
"ARE YOU EVEN ABLE TO KILL THINGS HERE?!?!" Screamed an annoyed Krieg
"No... Thou ask insane questions, art thou insane?" Said a concerned Luna
"Whadda you think?" Asked Maya sarcastically.
Now I am going away to rethink my entire life after reading that, see you soon.
"You were sent to kill them" He said, his horn went aglow, as a magical image of the Vault Hunters, appeared, "Do they look like they've been killed?" His voice held no anger, just disappointment.
"Well, Krieg's a doo-doo head! He won't let us use our powers to kill him" Shouted Them-Him-Her- IT, you know, Perception and Reality, that dude-thing
"You didn't kill them, you just played with them," He said, his voice getting louder as he spoke, "I gave you almost infinite power, and you just played, you have the mentality of children!"
"Coming from the guy who made us" Perception and Reality muttered under it's breath.
"I made you, I can UN-make you, now I ask you this," He said, his voice becoming more calm and steady "Do you want to just be a shred of magic, floating in some unicorns imagination?"
"No, I guess not." They grumbled, splitting into two again
"Well then, KILL THEM. If you do not, you will find a distinct lack of life in your breath"
"Wait a minute..." They replied, a look of confusion spreading on their faces, "If we're dead, how will we breath?"
He just slammed his hoof on the ground, a strange magical energy flowing through his body, like nothing a normal pony could to, a magical aura feeling... Strange... evil.... like the kind of thing only the most powerful could pull of.
Before they knew it Perception and reality were floating in the air, they knew something bad was happening, but, they did get one thing wrong, it wasn't bad... for them, at least.
As light cloaked the two, they felt... Odd... They felt almost pain, as something spread from their backs...
As they fell, they struggled to catch their breath, they got up.
They were Alicorns.
"Hey, cool, we have wings now!" They both said, "Thanks boss!"
"My name is not boss," He said, smirking, "It's Curse Master."
"CHECK ON PONYVILLE!" Screamed a voice in the distance, which sounded like Defect
When they arrived at PonyVille, the gazed in horror, of the terrifying, terrible, horror of-
************
KIDDING! That kind of suspense would be just annoying!
Anyway, they gazed, blah blah blah, at the terrifying, horror of- Hang on, I gotta pee
[TWO HOURS LATER]
Why did it take me that long to pee...? That's unhealthy, I'll have that checked out, just a sec, or a day, or two.
[A FEW DAYS LATER]
Turns out it's nothing, anyway, they gazed at the- Gotta take a shit, hang on.
[A FEW MINUTES LATER]
"STOP STALLING DAMMIT!" Screamed some other guy at the studio, wait why am I narrating what he says? Oh yeah, because there's no other way of telling you guys he's speaking.
Huh, I just realised I'm always questioning things, I guess stuff like that stems back to my childhood, where I always wanted to explain everything, and I...
[INSERT LONG BACK-STORY HERE]
Huh, so that's why I always wanted to read out stories... Excuse me, I think I'm gonna go rethink my whole life now...
[A FEW WEEKS LATER]
I'm back... anyway, they gazed at the horror, the terrifying monstrosity of- Oh, we're out of time, bye folks!
Gazing upon the strange spectacle, Luna decided she needed to stop that... thing
"We must destroy it!" Luna exclaimed, rushing towards it.
Oh, right, I should probably tell you what is was, it was a giant pony, bright red, tearing apart the town
Luna jumped towards it, and managed to kick it in the leg. The creature screamed in pain, then began to... Shrink? As it got smaller and smaller, it eventually reached the size of a normal pony, the bright red colour then faded away, to reveal a crying Fluttershy
"Fluttershy, that thing was you?!" Asked Twilight.
"What thing?" Fluttershy wiped a tear of her face "I was just walking and then... then Luna kicked me!"
"Hahahahaha!" A voice was laughing in the distance.
Krieg ran up to them "THE WHITE PONY TOLD ME TO CHECK ON THE BLUE PONY AND THEN YOU!" Krieg looked kinda scared, "MONSTER!" He screamed, as he ran up to Applejack and almost stabbed her
"Crack, Cringe, Crap, Krieg, whatever your name is, stop it! That's Applejack!"
Suddenly calm, for some odd reason, Krieg replied "You do know I have no idea who Applejack is, right?"
They could hear even more laughing in the distance.
Then all of a sudden, a yellow pony, in desert gear appeared.
MIRAGE, AS, THE DESERTS ILLUSIONS!
"Hi, how ya doin'? Good? I don't care," Mirage looked up at the ponies "So here's the gist, you're gonna die, basically"
"Ugh, what powers is this monster gonna have?" Groaned Twilight
"I'll give you a clue, the illusion of the desert, can pierce even the strongest mind."
The looked confused, as Mirage disappeared. They were too confused by the clue to realise she left.
"I've got it!" Exclaimed Twilight
"Well, spit it out then, what is it?" Replied Luna
"Basically, remember Perception? Well, she has her powers, and I still don't get the thickest minds bit..."
"I HAVE AN IDEA!" Screamed Krieg
"Really?" Asked both Luna and Twilight, "Fine, humour us"
"WELL, WHEN WE SAW THE YELLOW PONY EARLIER, SHE COULDN'T CHANGE WHAT I SAW, SO MAYBE THE MIRAGE PONY CAN CHANGE WHAT I SEE!"
"That's.. Actually thought out really well..." Twilight looked confused
Then, all of a sudden, they could see Mirage, and began chasing her, well, Krieg didn't notice her, because he was to busy stealing apples and throwing them at ponies.
And then it hit them. Literally. No, seriously, they ran into a brick wall and their both fell, landing on their horns.
Then Krieg finally noticed Mirage, when he ran out of apples to throw at people
"Ugh, what happened?" Groaned Twilight, on the ECHO communicator, while getting up, "and why does my voice sound like something from a radio? And what's a radio? And how did I know enough about it to make a comment about them?"
"We hath no idea, and we aslo share your problem, apparently"
Techinically not cancelled so I can stop writing this crap c: