It was a warm night in Ponyville as Pinkie Pie lay sound asleep in her room above Sugarcube Corner. It had been a long day for her, as it was Rarity’s birthday and Pinkie had thrown a huge party for her friend. Now was not the time for partying, for once, it was time for sleeping. Or so she thought.
In the middle of the night, she felt a twitch. It was the strangest twitch she’d ever felt. Wiggle of the ears, raise of the eyebrows, bucking of the back legs, and a sneeze. Pinkie had no idea what it meant, and sat in excited anticipation to see what it foretold.
Suddenly she felt herself rising through the air.
“Oooh! It’s like I’m underwater!” she exclaimed, making a rapid backstroke motion with her arms. She continued rising into the air, enveloped in a green light.
“Mmmmmm, I love mint” she said, sticking her tongue out to taste the light. “Blech, it’s all tinny and spacey”
She was now almost a mile above her house, and she was drawing closer to a large disc shaped object floating in the sky above Ponyville. For once in her life, she was speechless, the immense size of the craft astounding her. The bottom of the disc opened, and drew her into a hole the size of sweet apple acres. She was surrounded by white light, and then all went black.
Pinkie Pie woke up in a small room, with blinding white walls. There was no door, no windows, and no furniture.
“Somepony hasn’t had time to decorate. What would Rarity say?” she said to herself, perplexed at the sparseness of the room. She started bouncing around to see how big it was. She quickly became bored with this, however, and began to tell jokes to herself. “Knock Knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow wh-MOO!!!” she said, followed by some laughter and a snort. Little did she know that she was being watched.
<This Creature is strange. She does not seem phased by the capture procedure>
<Surely she has a will of iron>
<Indeed brother, we must examine her further. Send Zorblax to take her to the laboratory>
Pinkie had run out of jokes quickly, and was halfway through an a capella version of the Parasprite Polka when a wall slid open with a whoosh. In the threshold stood the strangest thing she’d ever seen. It was tall, grey, and skinny. She wondered whether it ate anything, as skinny as it was. It had claws at the end of its arms, which looked like spikes but were longer and grey like the rest of the creature’s body.
“Do you like cupcakes?” she asked cheerily. The creature opened its mouth and the sound that came out sounded a bit like a crack of thunder. She stared at it, still smiling but a bit confused. Noticing her confusion, the creature walked over and pushed a button on the wall. Suddenly she felt a tingle in her head, and she heard a voice.
<Greetings, Pink One> it droned
“Hi! My name is Pinkie Pie! Are you a psychic?”
<No, I am merely using our technology to allow me to transmit my thoughts into your mind>
“Neato! Where am I?”
<You are a captive of the vanguard of the Tugon Empire.>
“That’s a funny name ‘Tugon’, heeheehaha” she said, chuckling at how ridiculous the name was.
<SILENCE> boomed the creature, giving her a slight headache. <You are an example of your people. You will tell us everything!!>
Pinkie looked at him and smiled.
“Not unless you say the magic words”
<I do not understand this ‘magic’. Tell me the meaning of this!!!>
“Weeeeeell,” she took a deep breath “Unicorns use magic. With their horns, like my friend Twilight Sparkle! She’s purple, like grapes. Or plums! ooh ooh! Mrs. Cake made a plum cupcake once, it was awful. Blech! But it was purple. Like spike! Well he’s purple and green. Have you ever seen a green apple? I have! They go in pies and…..”
The creature became agitated at the torrent of words, and it angrily advanced towards Pinkie.
<I already commanded you to be silent pink one! You dare stand against Zorblax, Master of Interrogation!>
“Silly, I’m not standing, I’m sitting” (she was)” And anyway I’m not against you. I’m not against anypony! Want to hear a joke. I made it up a few minutes ago. A Pegasus, a dragon, and Princess Luna walk into Sugarcube Corner. The dragon says…..wait…….no LUNA says…or was it the bartender? Anyway…..”
At this point Zorblax was visibly shaking, and placed its claw up to its head it backed up into the wall, fumbling for a switch. It stumbled back and fell into the blackness beyond the opening. Pinkie Pie couldn’t help but giggle at the lanky alien stumbling over itself. Her watchers were not as amused.
<She is a formidable opponent>
<Indeed, she has outsmarted Zorblax. Not even you or I could do that!>
<She must be this world’s greatest warrior.>
A soft squeak was heard, and behind them a chair turned around to face them. It was covered in shadow, except for its left claw, which was extended out, pointing at the view screen. A low rumble shook the ship as it spoke.
<Bring her here>.
Pinkie was humming when the door Zorblax fell through reopened with a hiss. She heard a voice in her head, much like Zorblax’s.
<Come, Pink One>
“Okey Dokey Lokey” replies Pinkie, bouncing her way into the darkness. She soon arrived in a large room, with a huge window on the top, where she could see the stars above Ponyville as clear as day- er…night. Pinkie ignored the sky (she’d seen it a million times) and instead focused on the lights on the dashes to the left and right of the room. She bounced over and began examining them. She was disturbed in her excitement by a deep, authoritative voice filling her mind. It seemed to emanate from a platform in the middle of the room, which had a chair perched on top of it.
<Greetings, Pink Warrior>
“Hiya! My name is Pinkie Pie, and I was just looking at your blinking lights!” she said, doing just that.
<Pink Warrior, why do you defy our superiority? Do you not fear us?> Despite his monotone speech, the surprise in his voice was palpable.
“You guys are too silly and cliché to be scary. Really? Grey men, saucers, abduction? This author has no imagination, and you guys aren’t scary” she said rather matter-of-factly. The creature sat in silence for a while, pondering the meaning of these words. He was interrupted, however, by Pinkie’s head appearing upside down in his field of vision. “Hiya!”
<How did you perform such a feat? You must have some sort of teleportation technology!> he said, taken aback by this strange pony.
“Nnnnnnnope! I’m Pinkie Pie!!” she said cheerily, pulling out a cupcake from seemingly nowhere and taking a bite out of it. She dropped it immediately when she noticed a big button, the biggest and reddest button she’d ever seen (she’d seen many). “Oooooo! What does this do?”
The remnants of the captain’s cool façade shattered as he jumped up and in a loud rumble let loose an incomprehensible scream. It was not one of rage, but of fear. It reached its’ claw out in a feeble gesture of warning, but too late. A loud explosion rocked the ship, and it lurched severely to the left. The aliens all fell sprawled on the ground, which entertained Pinkie to no end.
“You guys crack me up!” she snorted. She quickly suppressed a yawn and realized that she needed to sleep. “I need to get home guys! Mrs. Cake needs me to make a whole mess of cookies, and I have to start planning for Fluttershy’s birthday! Any way can I use your minty beamy thing to get home?”
The captain ran quickly over to a small podium and pulled a switch. Pinkie was immediately enveloped in the light again, and a hole opened up beneath her. She fell slowly back down to Ponyville, quicker this time, like they were in a hurry. She assumed it had to do with the billowing smoke coming out of the saucer, but she couldn’t be sure. In any case, she was deposited safely back into the room above Sugarcube Corner, and her bed was right where she’d left it. She lay down and closed her eyes to the sounds of explosions, smiling as always.
The fire in the sky had gone. Nopony had seen it go, yet it was gone as quick as it had come. The ponies went about their lives like they always had, with no sense of the interstellar happenings that had occurred the night before. One, however, was not so comfortable in their complacency.
Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia, had spent all night reading. Not that she didn’t normally do that, but not recently had she done so with as much fervor as last night. She was scouring every story she could find for “green light” and “flying saucers”. Outside of the mention of saucers in “Teatime for Fillies”, she was finding nothing.
“Spike! Bring me my copy of ‘Telekinesis and You’ from the magic section!” she snapped, shutting her current book and opening a brand new one in one flick of her horn. Her research did not treat her kindly. Her hair suck out at random angles, and she had severe bags under her eyes. Sometimes her eyes would flutter closed but she was able to shake off the sleep, but that was becoming harder and harder with each book. Her assistant rolled his eyes and sighed. He always got roped in when she got like this, and it as always seemed unnecessary to him.
“Twilight, you were just dreaming. It’s nothing to worry about. Last night I dreamed I was at dinner with Rarit……I mean flying. Yeah, flying. Anyway it was just a dream! No need to panic”
“No, it was NOT a dream! I know what I saw Spike! The saucer shined a green light on Sugarcube Corner and then it went dark. After about an hour it began smoking and I heard a rumble, like thunder. I saw flames and heard an explosion. Then the light came back, followed by the ship disappearing into the sky almost instantaneously.”
“Uh-huh” Spike replied dully, putting his head in his claw as he walked away. ”I need a donut” he mumbled to himself. Twilight ignored him, shoving her muzzle deeper in the book then she probably should have.
Her thoughts were broken by a crash, and a multicolored streak landed on her floor with a loud SMACK! A blue head looked up; it’s rose colored eyes spinning in opposite directions before settling on Twilight.
“Twilight! You have to come see this!” Rainbow Dash shouted to her friend.
“Why? What happened? Is somepony hurt? Does the princess need me? “
“Just come see!” Dash said, grapping Twilight’s hoof and pulling her as hard as she could out the door. All Twilight could manage was shout a quick goodbye to Spike before she was outside her own door, and being rapidly pulled down the street towards the Carousel Boutique.
The two ponies arrived at the scene quickly, but not before a large crowd had formed. They were all murmuring about something, and the occasional filly could be seen jumping up to see what the commotion was about. Twilight and Rainbow Dash (mostly Rainbow Dash) pushed through the crowd and Twilight saw why her friend had dragged her there.
It was big. It was sticky. It was a cupcake. The biggest cupcake anypony had ever seen, and it had only been there a short while. Nopony knew where it came from, and nopony but Rainbow Dash had seen it before it had reached its’ present location, something she was conspicuously proud of.
“I was chilling up on a cloud when this thing came down and almost killed me. Good thing I’m the best flier in Equestria, because I dodged it easy” Rainbow Dash said, puffing her chest out proudly. Twilight ignored her friend’s bravado, but this new information was troubling.
“Hmmmmmmm. I’ve heard of frogs and bugs falling from the sky, but never cupcakes, and certainly never anything of this size. We need to consult a cupcake expert on this!” she said, turning on Rainbow Dash as she did.
“You mean we need to talk to…..”
“Yes. Pinkie Pie!” Twilight said, finishing her friend’s sentence. Rainbow Dash shuddered, the thought of Pinkie Pie and Cupcakes filled her with dread, for reasons she couldn’t quite understand. In any case, she followed her purple friend to Sugarcube Corner.
Pinkie Pie was frosting a cake as the two friends walked into the bakery. Twilight could hardly suppress a smile at seeing her friend covered in icing with her tongue sticking out, adding details to the large pastry. Pinkie heard them and looked up over the cake.
“Heya Dashie! Howdy Twilight!” she said with a wave, shaking like a dog to free herself of her sugary coating, inadvertently splattering the nearby wall with frosting. “How ya doing?”
“Well Pinkie,” Twilight began “We need your opinion on something.”
“Ooooohhhhh what is it?”Pinkie asked excitedly, bouncing circles around her friends. “Is it about parties? Is someone having a birthday? Did I forget!? No, the next birthday isn’t for another week, and that’s Fluttershy’s and Rarity’s was yesterday so I don’t know what….”
“PINKIE!” Twilight yelled, annoyed but amused by her friends’ antics. She’d learned to deal with Pinkie’s unique way of thinking since she came to Ponyville, and found it usually entertaining. However, there was a problem at hand.”It’s a pastry problem.” Pinkie stopped in mid jump and turned to face Twilight, never touching the ground while doing so. Twilight blinked, astounded at her friend’s complete perversion of physics. She made a mental note to run tests when this was all finished.
“Did you say……pastry problem?” she said in a surprisingly serious tone. She may love sweets, but they were her business. One does not merely buck with Pinkie’s sweets.
“Yes, specifically Cupcakes” Twilight said, slightly surprised at this sudden change. “One of them fell from the sky, and landed in the middle of town! And get this, it’s huge! Bigger than Princess Celestia!”
“Hm, well then I guess there is only one thing to do” Pinkie said, rubbing an imaginary beard with her fore hoof.
“Which is…?” Twilight asked expectantly.
“Why, eat it of course! Maybe we could have a lets-all-eat-the-giant-cupcake party? I can get balloons and streamers and-“
“PINKIE! Somepony could get hurt if we don’t figure out where they came from.” Twilight implored her energetic friend.
“Yeah right, as if anypony is that wimpy to get hurt by cake.” Rainbow Dash scoffed. Twilight glared at her. Almost in answer to her question, the three ponies heard the distinctive sound of dropped cake and a recognizable scream. The three immediately rushed out to see what had happened.
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Just outside Sugarcube corner sat, or a better term would be oozed, another giant cupcake. This one was possessing a dark blue icing, making the two brilliantly white legs sticking out of them stand out that much more. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie couldn’t help but giggle as Twilight magically lifted their fashionista friend out from the sweet muck. She looked around and went and picked up a quite large, well almost giant, hat that sat left of the cupcake. Once retrieved she turned to her friends and asked
“Well? Aren’t you going to ask me what happened?”
“Yes, Rarity, what DID happen?” Twilight inquired curiously.
“Oh it was simply dreadful!”Rarity began, putting a hoof to her forehead.”I was merely walking down the street wearing my stylish new hat when this tacky… THING fell from the sky! It took all I had to protect my hat, and I think I succeeded” She said proudly, absentmindedly plopping the hat onto her head with a squelch, forgetting about the copious amounts of frosting stuck in her mane. She stood proudly until a plop of icing landed on her muzzle, and looked up.
“Oh no” she whimpered, as her friends stifled their laughter. Suddenly, the sky grew dark. A shadow passed over Ponyville, and everypony who looked up was amazed at what they saw.
It was a giant saucer, at least 3 miles across by Twilight’s estimate. It was grey and metallic, with several green lights in several places on the side facing them. It was surrounded by hundreds of smaller versions, all of the same design.
“Then it wasn’t a dream! I DID see aliens!” Twilight said excitedly, clopping her front hooves together in excitement. She had validation! She wasn’t crazy!
“Well duh, they were here last night. They had a party with me! I sang some songs and told some jokes, and there was mint light, Twilight. MINT.LIGHT! Then they sent me home” Pinkie said, appearing in Twilight’s field of vision from seemingly nowhere. Twilight was dumbfounded.
“Pinkie! Why didn’t you tell me, this could be a breakthrough in Equestria’s history! Life outside of our planet! Why-“
Suddenly everypony felt a huge tremor, and some ponies lost their balance and toppled over. Rarity fell backwards into the cupcake, hat and all, and sat in the frosting sulking. A monotone voice echoed from the large ship above them. Everypony froze in place, and stared up at the ship.
<Attention quadrupedal creatures. The mighty Tugon Empire has returned to exact revenge upon your planet. You thought you could best us with the Pink One’s martial prowess, but you were mistaken>
At the mention of the Pink One all eyes turned to Pinkie Pie, who was at the moment eating a large tub of popcorn.
“Pinkie! What does he-“
“Shhhhh Twilight, you’re interrupting the show!”
<We reverse engineered the Pink One’s weapon, and have already given you a taste of its’ power! Now feel the full forces of your doom!> the voice declared, and then went silent.
All eyes rested on Pinkie, who has ear deep in her popcorn. When she surfaced she couldn’t help but giggle at the blank stares plastered on everyone’s faces. “What are you guys looking at?” she asked with a smile.
“Pinkie! What does he mean….weapon” Twilight asked cautiously. Why would Pinkie ever NEED a weapon, and for that matter what technology could ponies have that this advanced civilization did not?
Before Pinkie could answer her, they heard a loud whistling. Suddenly they saw where the cupcakes had come from. The saucers above them were opening a hole in their undersides and dropping massive cupcakes. They fell at alarming speeds, and came in all colors. There were pink ones, green ones, some that had rainbow colors (Rainbow Dash again felt uneasy at the sight of these), and one of them even dropped a muffin! As the things fell to the ground, they made a sickening squelch and the frosting got everywhere. Surprisingly, and conveniently, the cupcakes did little damage to the buildings of Ponyville. Ponies ran about, screaming and getting inside for cover. Pinkie, of course, was having the time of her life.
“I haven’t had this much fun in a fanfic since some big dude’s beard turned into me!” she squeed, bouncing around and marveling at what seemed like heaven. Twilight was a bit more realistic about things.
“We need to find a way to get rid of these cupcakes before somepony is hurt” she said, largely to herself. The cupcakes kept falling, covering Ponyville in a gooey sugary mess, more than even Pinkie could eat. Luckily, nopony had been hurt. Those that had been hit by the baked goods were shaken but ok, and the rest had taken shelter in the buildings, which had taken little damage. Relief washed over Twilight when she saw this.
<Do you surrender to our might?> the voice demanded, with a boastful tone. What the aliens heard astounded them. It was laughter.
Twilight, normally the most sensible pony in the bunch, laughed first. It was a laugh of both relief at the town’s safety and at the comedic value of these “invaders”. Slowly the other ponies came out and realized what she found so funny, and they too became mirthful. This astounded the Tugons, who had never failed a conquest before.
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<The Pink One was not the only one of this race to defy our power>
<Surely they must all be as great a warrior as she is>
<Yes, and it would be in our interests to retreat. Captain?>
The Tugon seated behind them in his chair turned to them, and they could tell he was trembling slightly. <We must run. We must never return to this place. Inform the Federation, that this planet is off limits. For their own good they will avoid it>
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Back on the ground, the ponies cheered as the saucers left their planet. They no longer threatened by them or their silly weapon, but they were glad to see them go. The cleanup work could begin, and Chief Cleanup Officer Pinkie was on the case.
“Come on people! There is A LOT of frosting to eat, I mean clean up so we need to get cracking!” She barked. Carrot Top had brought a mop over to begin, but it was quickly knocked out of her hands “No, no, put the mops and brooms away. Like this” she demonstrated, opening her mouth and sticking her tongue out. She bowed low and ran her lower jaw along the ground, carving a furrow into the icing. The rest of the ponies smiled at her eccentric solution, shrugged, and dug into it with gusto.
“What a nice-ing day” Pinkie said to Twilight to a mouthful of icing.
“Pinkie, that isn’t a good pun, even by your standards”
“I know, but these comedy stories have to end in a joke, otherwise the author looks like a hack” She replied with a smile, and she dipped her head back into the icing to finish her cleanup duties.
