Diamond Tiara Wants A Sister
“I WANT A SISTER!”
Filthy Rich looked up from his book to see his daughter standing on his lap and glaring down at him. “Welcome home, sweetie. Did you have a good day at school?”
“I WANT A SISTER, NOW!” Diamond Tiara screamed as she stomped her forehooves onto the legrest of her father’s chair. “Daddy, I want a bigger sister!”
Filthy Rich placed his book down and ushered for Diamond Tiara to get off of his lap. She jumped down to the floor but never took her demanding eyes off of her father. “Now Diamond, sweetie, you know that I love you and want you to be happy, but what you’re asking is a little difficult for me to give you. Can I ask what this is all about?”
Diamond Tiara huffed. “Apple Bloom!” she shouted, as though that was all the explanation her father needed. “She keeps talking about her older sister and how great she is and how much fun they have and it’s just so stupid!”
“Then… why do you want one?”
“Because if she has one, I have to have a better one!”
Filthy Rich inhaled deeply and then exhaled. “Diamond, I’m afraid an older sister isn’t something I can just give you.”
“Why not? Scootaloo got one last week,” Diamond said. “Of course it wasn’t a good one, but she still got one!”
Filthy Rich wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but he was sure she was misunderstanding something about the situation. “Look, I just can’t get you an older sister. As much money as I have, it’s just not possible.”
“Then a little one, I don’t care!” Diamond Tiara said.
“I’ll tell you what, Diamond. Why don’t you go do your homework, and if you’re a good girl for the rest of the week, I’ll see about getting you a puppy. They’re fun too, right?”
Diamond Tiara grumbled. “A puppy isn’t a sister though.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s the best I can do.”
“GAH! You’re so unfair!” Diamond shouted as she turned around and stomped out of the parlour. “Jeeves, slam the door behind me!”
The butler looked up to Filthy Rich with a questioning glance before receiving a hesitant nod. Jeeves grabbed the door and slammed it with as much force as he could.
Diamond Tiara stomped up the stairs in the hallway, dragging her bag behind her. “Stupid daddy,” she grumbled as she reached the top of the stairs. “Can’t get me a sister? How hard could it be?! He’s the richest pony in Ponyville, why can’t he-” Diamond stopped as she passed by her father’s study. The door was open and she could see something inside. The computer that he used to conduct much of his business dealings.
Diamond Tiara recalled using such a device when she visited one of her father’s chain stores in Manehatten. She could use it to play games and to look up important information, like when the next line of Pretty Pony Princess dolls was coming out.
An idea popped into her head. “If daddy won’t get me one, then I’ll get one myself!” she declared as she entered the room. “I should have enough allowance saved up. I’ll get the best sister ever and rub it all over Apple Bloom’s face! That’ll show her!”
Diamond Tiara recalled the directions she had received from the unimportant pony working for her dad and opened up the ‘search engine website’. “Let’s see… B-A-B-E-E-S. Babies.”
After hitting enter, the search engine asked if she meant ‘babes’. Assuming that it was one of those strange words spelt nothing like how it was pronounced, she clicked it and suddenly found over one million results. “Wow. This isn’t so hard. Let’s see here… ‘Hot babies for you’? Perfect!” Diamond Tiara clicked the link. She was introduced to a pink background and two mares laying on a bed together, grinning at the screen. “Wait, those aren’t babies! … Oh well. An older sister was what I originally wanted.”
Before Diamond Tiara could click anything else, a message appeared in the middle of the screen. “Huh? ‘Buy vee-ah-grah’? What’s a vee-ah-grah? Whatever, I don’t want that.” Diamond clicked the ‘X’, but was suddenly introduced to three more flashing messages. “UGH! GO AWAY! I WANT A SISTER, NOT A FARM ANIMAL!” she shouted as she closed the message asking if she wanted to see a ‘big cock’.
Many more messages filled the screen, infuriating the filly even more and causing her to scream at the top of her lungs at the machine. “Diamond?! What’s going- DIAMOND!” Filthy Rich ran into his study as he found his daughter sitting at his chair. “What are you doing in here? You know you’re not supposed to- MY COMPUTER! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”
“I was trying to find a sister but this stupid website was just a fake!” Diamond shouted as she threw the mouse to the side and jumped off of the chair with a huff.
Filthy Rich picked up the mouse and clicked furiously, but to no avail. Soon, his computer was replaced with a blue screen filled with text he didn’t understand. “N-NO! MY COMPUTER! MY WORK!” The stallion turned to his daughter with an angry look. “Diamond Dazzle Tiara! What have I told you about playing in my study?! Now two months of hard work are-”
Diamond turned to her father with tears in her eyes. “Well maybe if you had just gotten me a sister when I asked, I wouldn’t have had to come in here and play around on your computer-thingy!”
“I told you, I can’t-”
“And why not?! Is it because you hate me?!”
Filthy Rich was taken aback by the sudden accusation. “No! Of course it’s not that!”
“Well obviously you do! If Apple Bloom’s got a sibling but you won’t let me have one, then obviously you just don’t love me!”
Filthy Rich pressed a hoof in-between his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. “Diamond, look…” Filthy Rich knelt down and wrapped a foreleg around his daughter. “I’m sorry. I should have told you why I can’t give you a sister. You see, it’s just not possible because… Well, what do you know about babies?”
“They’re loud and they smell bad and they spit everywhere and-”
“What I mean is, do you know where they come from?” Diamond shook her head. “Well you see, a baby is born when two ponies, a loving father and a loving mother, decide that they want to have a child together.”
“A father and…”
“Now do you see? In order to give you a sister, I would need a mare, too. Your mother isn’t here, and I don’t have a mare in my life right now, so-”
“What about me?” Diamond asked, confusing her father. “You need a stallion and a mare who both want a baby to make one, right? I’m a mare, and I really really want a sister.”
Filthy Rich felt his brow sweating as the situation suddenly took an awkward turn. “W-Well, sweetie, I’m afraid that won’t work. You see, y-you’re not a mare yet. You’re still just a filly.”
“But yesterday you told Rarity that I was a mare.”
“I only meant that hypothetically,” Filthy Rich explained, though he was sure that Diamond didn’t even know what that word meant. “You’re still a filly technically, so…” Diamond Tiara frowned and lowered her head, and Filthy Rich pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry, sweetie. But you know, Miss Fluttershy has a lot of really cute puppies at her house, so-”
Suddenly, an idea came to Diamond Tiara. “I’ve got it!” she shouted as she squirmed out of her dad’s hold. She ran to the doorway leading out of the study and around the corner, shouting, “I’ve got it, I’ve got it!”
As he watched his daughter go, Filthy Rich simply blinked in astonishment at how quickly her mood shifted. His own mood took a sudden turn as soon as he remembered what was happening to his computer. “Oh no, this is one of those ‘viruses’, isn’t it? Now how do I fix this?” After a few silent moments of running the situation through his mind, Filthy Rich reached for the power cable connected to the computer and pulled it out. “That should do it.”
Diamond Tiara banged her hoof against the door before her. She heard hoofsteps shuffling about inside, but not quick enough, so she banged to door a few more times. “I’m coming!” the voice inside shouted.
The door opened and the filly looked up at the owner of the Golden Oaks Library standing before her. As Twilight lowered her head down to see the filly, Diamond Tiara said, “I want a sister.”
Twilight gave the filly a confused and questioning look. “I’m… sorry?”
“I want a sister, but daddy said he needs a mare to have a baby.”
The sound of laughter came from inside the library, but Twilight ignored it and stepped outside, closing the door behind herself. “Um, I’m almost afraid to ask this, but… why have you come to me for this?”
“Daddy said I take after my mummy, so I figured the same would be true for my sister. If she’s going to take after her mum then I want her mum to be a princess!”
Twilight blushed as she leaned down to talk to the filly at eyelevel. “Listen…”
“Diamond Tiara.”
Twilight nodded. “Listen, Diamond Tiara, I’m flattered that you… think so highly of me, I think, but what you’re asking is… It’s just not possible.”
“Why not?!” Diamond demanded. “Why does everypony I ask say that?!”
“‘Everypony’?” Twilight asked. “Who else have you-”
“Fluttershy, Rarity, Vinyl Scratch, Miss Cheerilee, the mayor, Button’s mum, the mare with the cross-eyes-”
“Do you… even know how babies are made?”
Diamond nodded. “Of course I know, duh! Would I be asking you for a sister if I didn’t know? Daddy said that a father and mother who want a baby make one!”
“Did he say how they were made?” Diamond shook her head and Twilight sighed. “Wait here.” Twilight opened the door to the library and stepped inside. She returned later with a thick book entitled ‘Biology and You – The Pony Body’. “Read chapter eight on reproduction and then I’m sure you’ll see why what you’re asking is impossible. Return the book to me when you’re done.”
As Twilight turned around and re-entered the library, closing the door behind her, Diamond Tiara looked down at the book and frowned. “I’m not reading outside of school,” she said as she dumped the book onto the library’s doorstep and walked away.
“I’m home,” Diamond said sadly as she entered her house, falling to floor in a defeated heap and simply staring at the tile beneath her.
“Diamond?” her father’s voice called from the parlour. “Can you come in here? I wish to talk to you.”
Diamond Tiara sighed and slowly climbed to her hooves. She made her way to the parlour and found her dad sitting by the fireplace. “What is it? Gonna tell me I can’t have a new dress for my birthday, too?”
“Now Diamond, sweetie, I know how much you want a sister.” Diamond simply nodded as she gave the floor a harsh, annoyed look. “That’s why… I went down to the orphanage today and filled out an adoption paper.”
Diamond Tiara turned her attention to her father. “‘Orphanage’? ‘Adoption’?”
“An orphanage is a place where fillies and colts without parents live. Adoption is the process whereby an adult becomes a child’s parent.” Diamond Tiara didn’t seem to be following. “A baby store,” Filthy Rich sighed.
“Oh! Wait, so that means…”
Filthy Rich nodded. “Diamond Tiara, say hello to your new sister…” Filthy Rich looked behind his chair and whispered something. An orange hoof stepped out from behind the chair, slowly followed by the tip of a purple mane, and then a head, body with wings, and…
“Scootaloo?!”
“This blows…” Scootaloo grumbled as she tried her best not to look at Diamond Tiara.
“Daddy… are you KIDDING ME?!”
Filthy Rich frowned. “But Diamond, you said that you wanted a sister, and this filly clearly needed a home.”
“But it’s Scootaloo! She’s one of the lame kids who comes up with nothing but stupid ideas!”
“Now Diamond, the paperwork has already been filled out,” Filthy Rich said. “And look at it this way. Since Rainbow Dash is Scootaloo’s ‘sister’, that means that you now have a younger and an older sister!”
Diamond Tiara stopped to think about that, whilst Scootaloo protested. “I’m only younger by two months!”
“Good enough for me!” Diamond said as she ran up to Scootaloo and grabbed her foreleg. “Come on, let’s go!”
“Go where?” Scootaloo asked, not sure if she should be afraid or not.
“I’m going to teach you proper manners. If you’re going to be my sister, that makes it my responsibility to make sure you properly behave.” Scootaloo resisted as best she could as Diamond Tiara dragged her across the floor. “And then afterwards, as your wise and loving older sister, I’ll help you to get your cutie mark before dinner.”
Scootaloo suddenly stopped resisting and her wings popped out from her sides as she simply walked after Diamond Tiara. “Well… maybe this won’t be so bad after all.”
As Filthy Rich was the two now-sisters walking out of the parlour, he sat back into chair and released a relieved sigh. Picking up his book, he continued from where he had left off, only to be interrupted by something suddenly weighing down his left hind leg. Looking over his book, Filthy Rich found his daughter hugging his leg with a smile on her face. “Thank you, daddy. I love you.”
Filthy Rich smiled as he watched his daughter race out of the parlour again. “Some say I spoil her rotten… but then I’d like to see anypony else resist that little ball of adorableness.”
“Quite so, sir,” the butler agreed as he approached his master. “By the way, sir, all of your computer’s data has been wiped clean.”
Filthy Rich felt a vein pop and his eye twitch. “A-All of it.”
“All of it, sir.”
“… Please excuse me.” Filthy Rich placed down his book, inhaled a deep breath of air, and his butler covered his ears. “DIAMOND TIARAAAAA!”