Hearths' Warming is drawing near, and Fluttershy needs to get onto the Hearths' Warmer's naughty list, pronto!
Hearths' Warming is drawing near, and something Pinkie says provokes Fluttershy to try and stop the magical Hearths' Warmer from delivering her big, heavy ton of presents. Well, not an actual ton, just loads and loads. After all, surely kind little old Fluttershy doesn't deserve all that many!
“So whaddya think you’re gonna get from the Hearths’ Warmer, Dashie?”
“Nothing, Pinkie. The Hearths’ Warmer doesn’t exist.”
“Whaat?! He totally does!” Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were helping Fluttershy with the last-minute preparations for Hearths’ Warming; checking all the hibernating animals were nice and cosy, searching out any slippery leftover fallen leaves, making snowmares. Although she was grateful for the help, Fluttershy wasn’t a foal; she knew her friends were there mainly to make sure of being on the Hearths’ Warmer’s nice list. Well, Pinkie anyway - she’d said as much herself. Dash, however, was in no way helping to please the Hearths’ Warmer, ‘cuz he did no way exist; Dash was helping ‘cuz she was such a great pony who helped out her friends all the time, right? Except when she was napping. Or pranking. Or practising new tricks. Or reading Daring Do. Or when she couldn’t be bothered. But apart from all that, she was undeniably, unquestionably un-not-help-y.
“He totally doesn’t. Right, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy, who had been cleaning the migratory birds’ empty perches was momentarily startled that she’d been mentioned. Remembered, even. After all, it was far too easy for her to be forgotten in the slightly overbearing presence of two such, um, loud ponies. Not that there was anything wrong with being loud of course. She opened her mouth to answer, but was pre-empted by Pinkie Pie.
“Don’t you listen to her, little Fluttie! She’s just can’t imagine a magical flying reindeer with an absolutely huge sack of gifts for all the good little fillies and colts in Equestria.”
“Huge?”
“C’mon Pinks, imagine how heavy that thing’d be. He wouldn’t get two hooves off the ground!” Dash said.
“Heavy?”
“Oh yeah? Then how do you explain the stack of presents everypony nice gets every Hearths’ Warming?” Pinkie countered.
Seemingly struck by a sudden thought, Pinkie looked round at Fluttershy.
“Nice if pretty much the same as kind, right? And you’re so kind, you had an element for it. I betcha gonna get a whole ton of presents all to yourself!”
“A-a whole ton? But won’t that make the Hearths’ Warmer’s sack even harder to carry.”
“It would if any of it existed.”
Pinkie and Dash spent the rest of the morning arguing. Normally, Fluttershy would have giggled quietly, but right then she was deep in thought. * * * Fluttershy paced. A whole ton of presents?! She could only imagine how hard it would be to fly across Equestria with that weight. She found it hard enough to get a sack of carrots from Golden Harvest’s market stall.
“What’ll I do, Angel? I can’t let the poor reindeer go to all that trouble over little old me.”
Angel slouched on the couch, watching her trot anxiously up and down.
“I’d offer to help, but I don’t know where he lives, and I don’t even think I could lift up an enormous sack full of presents. Oh, I’d probably drop it and break all the deserving little foals’ gifts, and that would be terrible, and…” she continued pacing and worrying.
Angel rolled his eyes. This was gonna be a long day.
Eventually, Fluttershy seemed to come to a decision.
“I know. I could show the Hearths’ Warmer that I don’t deserve anything at all. Then he’ll have just a few less presents to carry,” she said triumphantly. “…But how do I do that?” She continued dejectedly. “I’d have to get on his naughty list, and the only way to get on his naughty list is to be naughty, and everypony tells me I’m so nice… oh dear.”
Fluttershy looked at Angel for a second, before gently picking him, placing him on the floor and taking his place on the couch. They stared at each other for a further second, before Fluttershy leapt up into the air in a flood of tears.
“Oh, Angel! I’m so sorry! I don’t mean it, I was just trying to be naughty… oh, you can sit back down now.”
Angel slapped his little bunny forehead and hopped back into his rightful place.
“Oh, I know, Angel. I’m not going to help the Hearths’ Warmer if I apologise. After all, saying sorry is a nice thing. Maybe if I try to be mean to somepony who won’t mind so much…?” * * * Knock knock.
“Yeah, I’m coming already!”
Dash opened her door. A yellow and pink monster with a face made of paper and crayon greeted her with a terrifying roar that might, just might, move a feather. Slightly.
“Hay Fluttershy. Whatcha doin’?”
“Um… scaring you?” The monster replied hopefully.
“No you’re not. And ya do know Nightmare Night was a couple months ago?”
The monster did. It started shuffling sheepishly.
“What did I do wrong? Is there something wrong with my mask?”
Dash stared at her.
“Yeah… that’s it…”
“Oh… this being mean stuff’s much harder than it seems. I’ll never get onto the Hearths’ Warmer’s naughty list.”
Dash stared for a moment.
“You’re trying to get on his naughty list?”
Fluttershy nodded and told Rainbow Dash her plan.
“So, you’re kinda doing something nice, but by being naughty?”
The monster nodded.
“Listen, if you want somepony to teach ya pranking, I’m ya mare.”
“Oh, thank you, Rainbow Dash, but if you, um, don’t mind me saying, you’re not normally so readily nice to me…”
“What? Nice? Who said anything about the Hearths’ Warmer’s nice list?! I’m not trying to get on his nice list, ‘cuz it totally, definitely does not exist! And neither does he!”
Dash pushed past the scary monster and started flying towards the town centre.
The two pegasi flew low over Ponyville, Dash looking for a good prankee, and Fluttershy trying to keep up and take notes at the same time.
“Hay look! There’s Pinkie Pie!” Dash suddenly exclaimed, pointing at a fluffy pink earth pony just leaving Sugarcube Corner, presumably on her lunch break. “She’s, like the best for pranking and stuff.” Dash started descending to street-level, Fluttershy in tow. “Just follow my lead,” the shorter, cyan mare said.
The second their hooves touched the smooth cobbles, Pinkie bounded up to them as though she hadn’t seen either of them for eons. Or since that morning. She found it hard to tell the difference, since time without friends was like trifle without custard and sprinkles on top. Somehow.
“Hi guys! I haven’t seen you for ages! How’re you doing? D’ya wanna join me for my lunch break? I brought extra, just in case I ran into anypony! Okay, I lied. I was gonna eat it all myself because it‘s sooo tasty! But I can share. I’m the most share-iest pony around!”
“Uh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash interjected, in the first breath Pinkie took. “There was somepony lookin’ for you. One of the -uh- princesses.”
She nudged Fluttershy.
“Oh. Um. Yes. Um-”
“Which princess?” Pinkie asked.
“Uh… Princess… Cad-esti-u-light?” Fluttershy saw Dash facehoof out of the corner of her eye. Part of her hoped that was a good sign.
Pinkie stared at her for a second, before breaking into one of her many wide grins.
“Oh her! You sillies! She just left. She wanted to talk to me about selling pastries to chimaeras, and I was like, ‘but ya gotta sell ‘em three pastries, or two heads don’t get any!’, and then she bought some éclairs and went back to the Cloud-anter-ville Empire on royal business with Dryphon Dogs. So anyway, ya wanna hang out for an hour?”
The two of them declined with a chorus of kinda-busy-right-nows, and maybe-some-other-times, and took off, looking for another victim.
“Did it work?” Fluttershy asked optimistically.
“No. No it didn’t.”
The yellow mare hung her head.
“I’m a failure.”
Dash looked at her.
“No you’re not. I shouldn’ta picked Pinkie for a first-timer. She’s kinda a bit too… random. What we need is a pony who’s overly trusting and maybe a little naïve - and considering you’re here, I think Applejack is just the pony we need.” She turned towards Market Street, landing just on the corner. Fluttershy landed next to her.
“Okay, now I think this time we should go classic,” Rainbow Dash said, “I think ya need something simple, like- hay, is that Sapphire Shores over there?”
Fluttershy, and few other ponies who had overheard, looked over where the blue pegasus’ hoof was pointed. At empty space. The other ponies rolled their eyes and wandered on.
“See what I mean? Something simple. Now go do that to Applejack.”
Fluttershy trotted over the Apples’ cart.
Point, say there’s Sapphire Shores. Point, say there’s Sapphire Shores. Point- But she was concentrating so hard on Dash’s instructions, she tripped over one of the apple baskets and went flying. Not proper, pegasus flying; clumsy, not-looking-where-you’re going, head-over-hooves-over-tail kinda flying. She landed upside down in a bed of broken wicker.
“Uh, Fluttershy? You okay?” Applejack asked, standing concernedly over her.
“Um… hay, is that Sapphire Shores over there?” Fluttershy said, dazed. After a moment, she remembered that she had to point somewhere. Applejack turned to look.
“No, ‘tain’t, but ah see whutcha mean. If ya turn yer head sideways and squint a little, that colt kinda looks like her.”
Fluttershy trotted back to Rainbow Dash, still swaying slightly.
“So, um, how’d I do? Did it work? Am I a good pranker now?” She asked eagerly.
Dash raised her eyebrows at her.
“First of, it’s ‘prankster’,” she said after a heavy sigh. “Second, no. Just- no.”
She rubbed her face and groaned exasperatedly. Fluttershy’s face fell.
“Oh. Okay. Never mind, I’m obviously no good at this at all. I’ll just go home and think up something else.”
“No, wait!”
The yellow pegasus turned back to the blue one who seemed to be trying to make a decision by burying her hoof in her forehead. She rolled her eyes and sighed.
“Give it one more shot,” Dash said. “If that doesn’t work, then go home, okay?”
“Oh, okay, Rainbow Dash. What did you have in mind?”
Full raincloud. Check. Unsuspecting Rarity. Check. Fluttershy glanced over at Rainbow, who was hiding in a tree, grinning and rubbing her hooves together. Had the yellow pegasus been a little more obtuse, she would have said she looked faintly villainous. Quietly. She ran Dash’s instructions through her mind quickly one more time; 1: hold cloud over Rarity. 2: cause light shower. Rarity was already directly below her; all she had to do was squeeze a little on the fluffy little cumulus Dash had found her.
The cloud burst, dumping all its water on the unfortunate unicorn underneath.
There was a second of shocked silence. Then Rarity started wailing.
No words could be made out, but the risen tone and tears mingling with spent rainwater as the fashionista galloped away led to a pretty obvious conclusion. That a cruel and heartless pegasus had drenched a friend she didn’t deserve to have. Failing to fight back tears, Fluttershy flew after Rarity, past a cackling Rainbow Dash.
“There there, Rare. It’s only water - nothin’ ta worry about! Aw, c’m’ere. Feel better?”
Rarity nodded, trying not to dirty Pinkie Pie’s coat with her running mascara. There was a knock at the door downstairs. A small voice trying to make itself smaller called up.
“U-um. Rarity? A-are you there?”
Pinkie called down that she was. Oh, and so was Pinkie! Fluttershy anxiously climbed the stairs up to Rarity’s room. She pushed the door open and went in.
“Oh- Rarity, I… oh my…” she stuttered.
The unicorn grimaced.
“I look a mess, don’t I.”
It was more a statement than a question. Her mascara was running down her cheeks, checked by sideways smudges where she’d wiped her face, which itself was much redder than its usual alabaster hue. Fluttershy wished she’d been good at cloud control now more than ever.
“Oh, don’t feel sorry for me, dear. I really should remember to carry a spare umbrella whenever Rainbow Dash is awake.” Rarity rolled her eyes.
Fluttershy squirmed, her tears returning.
“Darling, is something wrong?” Her friend asked.
“I did it,” the pegasus mumbled.
“Sorry?”
Fluttershy took a deep breath.
“I did it. I p-poured all that water on you. I didn’t mean to… I-I mean, I did, but not all at once. I’m sorry- I’m so sorry,” she said, breaking down and sobbing onto the carpet.
Two ponies looked at each other for a second, then two sets of forelegs pulled her into a tight hug.
“Aw, don’t you cry too!”
“Oh, darling! Whyever would you such a thing?”
Fluttershy struggled to keep her voice under control.
“Rainbow was teaching me how to be a good pranker-” she sniffled.
“It’s ‘prankster’-”
“Hush Pinkie,” Rarity said. “I knew that infernal pegasus would be behind it,” she muttered to herself.
“Do continue, dear. Why would you ever wish to learn how to become a… ‘prankster’?”
“Why wouldn’tcha? It’s, like, super fun!”
“Pinkie!”
Fluttershy took a deep breath and told them what had started out as a simple plan; and still was - albeit now with a distraught friend and an iron lump of guilt in her heart. Her two friends laughed sympathetically and tightened their embrace.
“But d-don’t you hate me now? I ruined your perfect mane!” She said.
“Oh, don’t be silly, Fluttershy,” Rarity chuckled. “We could never hate you. And I can have my mane restyled anyway.”
“Yeah, I second what she said… well not so much the mane thing, ‘cuz I don’t generally style my mane, and Rarity’s mane problem isn’t the main problem - what’s the main problem is that you’re trying to get struck off the Hearths’ Warmer’s nice list, which isn’t nice at all! Not for you! You won’t get any presents!”
“But that’s the point.”
Pinkie stared at her, as if she was a new type of cupcake which Pinkie didn’t know whether to use chocolate or vanilla frosting on. Or maybe apple. Everypony loves apple. Apples are great. Apparently, they don’t go with corn and hot sauce, though.
“Huh?”
“This morning, you said I’d get a ton of presents from the Hearths’ Warmer! I don’t want somepony to have to carry around all that just for me!”
“…But the Hearths’ Warmer’s not a pony,” Pinkie said. “And anyway, I didn’t mean a literal ton, I meant, like, just loads and loads!” She added.
“But still-”
“Look, darling Fluttershy,” Rarity interrupted, “you really mustn’t get so het up over others trying to do nice things for you. You [I>deserve so many gifts, the amount you give, yourself.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that…”
“Fluttershy. Don’t worry yourself. Just get a good night’s rest so the Hearths’ Warmer can visit and leave you presents-”
Cotton candy clouds with Angel bunny skipping through them tank was there too there’s something I’m meant to be doing what is it I’m meant to be-
-Awake!
Fluttershy rubbed her eyes. She’d dozed off again. She glanced at the fireplace. The milk and cookies were still there. That at least meant he hadn’t come yet. At least if he did, he’d have snacks. The exhausted pegasus clambered to her hooves and staggered about, trying to do some exercises to keep her awake. If she didn’t fall asleep, then the Hearths’ Warmer wouldn’t show up. Unless all parents and Pinkie Pie were wrong. Somehow, the clock kept jumping forward every time she blinked. She wasn’t quite sure how she’d ended up snout-down in the rug. It’s so comfortable. She rubbed her face against it. Surely it couldn’t hurt to lay down here for a couple of seconds… with my eyes shut- no, I can’t shut my eyes- but it feels so good-
Fluttershy leapt to her hooves. She would not fall asleep; in fact, right now she felt wide awake. Which was weird. She wondered whether the creeping blue dawn light had anything to do with it. In her sleep-deprived state, it took her a full minute to register that particular thought. She rushed to the window. The lightening sky lit the fluffy snow in a pale periwinkle hue, and the remaining robins and sparrows and such were twittering a flutist’s dream chorus. Which all meant she’d fallen asleep and that it was morning. She gently bumped her head on the glass, chastising herself for her thoughtlessness; after all, there were such things as coffee and she was pretty sure Twilight knew an insomnia spell, with all the late-night study sessions she pulled. Surely she could have tried harder to stay awake. Eventually she turned to witness the results of her failure. There must have been… two presents? And they were the ones under the tree, the ones she and Angel had got for each other. That meant…
As the cold winter sun crept over the horizon, the tall, yellow mare, happily humming to herself, pulled on her warm woollen winter wear and trotted into town, towing a small wagon containing Angel and a small pile of presents for her friends.
She didn’t notice that the milk and cookies were gone.
When the yellow pegasus entered Sugarcube Corner, she saw that most of her friends were already there. Applejack, who had fake antlers attached to her hat, was eating oatmeal and chatting to Twilight at a table in the middle of the room. Spike (also with antlers) was sharing hot cocoa at the counter with Rarity, who, despite the earliness, was already dressed immaculately in an art nouveau, thick-yet-flowy fusion of ball gown, coat, and wool-furred cape. The absent Rainbow Dash was evidently still asleep.
Pinkie Pie, who had been bounding in and out of the kitchen, refilling cups of mulled wine and eggnog, and trying to convince the Cake twins that mushed-up carrot was a legitimate foodstuff (an endeavour beyond even her), was suddenly all around Fluttershy, taking her hat and scarf, parking her wagon of gifts (and bunny) next to the pre-existing piles the others had brought. Did she want mulled wine? Rarity said it was far too early for mulled wine, though. Did she want eggnog? There was plenty of that to go around, though Rarity said it was too early for that too. Fluttershy politely declined.
“Oh, right! I nearly forgot! Here ya go!”
From nowhere, Pinkie produced a ton of presents. Not a literal ton, just loads and loads. Was she going to open them now? What did she think she was goina’ get? Was Fluttershy excited? Pinkie was excited!
“Oh my, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said in the first sizeable gap in Pinkie’s nigh-perpetual patter, “you didn’t have to get me so much.”
“What? This stuff’s not from me, It’s from the Hearths’ Warmer. I can’t imagine why he left ‘em here, though - your chimney is way bigger and less complicated than here’s salmagundi of smokestacks. Whoa, try saying that a load of times real fast!”
Fluttershy stared at the stack of gifts in their gaudy paper and bright red and green ribbons. She actually had failed? The Hearths’ Warmer had still had to carry all these presents around? The pegasus sat defeated on the floor.
“Oh, and there was a card too!”
Fluttershy caught the small card Pinkie had thrown to her. She unfolded it, revealing small, cursive script. It read:
Dear Fluttershy the kind,
Although you mean well,
I really don’t mind;
Carrying presents is swell.
Although I don’t see
The joy on everypony’s face,
There’s a feeling inside me
I shall never replace.
You of all, dear Fluttershy,
Should most understand;
I don’t do it for the fame, not I -
I do it to bring happiness across the land.
P.S: I left your present here at the bakery
So not to fly so far; a compromise, you see?
Kind or Cruel, I’m the former.
Signed, yours truly, the Hearths’ Warmer.
“That last couplet is real contrived,” Pinkie said.
Fluttershy jumped, having not realised that the mare had been reading the note over her shoulder.
“Though I guess ‘Hearths’ Warmer’ doesn’t have all that many rhymes anyhow,” the pink party pony added. Then, for a moment, Pinkie froze; apart from her right back leg which quivered in midair. She grabbed Fluttershy and leapt for the floor as a bright, rainbow blur shot in, slipped in a small puddle of spilt eggnog in the middle of the floor, and slid sideways into the kitchen with a loud crash which was accompanied by two sets of complaints from the couple sleeping upstairs as well as the twins’ excited laughter. Rainbow Dash emerged from the kitchen with a bowl of spare eggnog mix dripping down her mane.
“Hey guys, the awesome has arrived! Let’s start opening presents!” She hollered.
Then, before anypony (or dragon or bunny) else could answer, a small voice piped up from near the floor, surprising the ponies who had been in on her little scheme the day before.
“Yes, please! I can barely wait!”
“A full set of rare, special crystal edition, 1:12 scale Wonderbolts action figures, with-” Dash pressed the small plastic Soarin’s cutie mark “-super posing action?! Oh, man! It’s like the Hearths’ Warmer can read minds! I’ve been wanting a set of these since-” She became aware of a round of smug grins. “I mean- uh, that is to say… oh alright! He’s real!”
Fluttershy, snug in her green cashmere sweater (from Rarity), red baseball cap which clashed with her pink mane (Rainbow Dash) and cute little hoof socks (Angel), itching to start her new Quills and Spoon romance novel (Twilight) and make a sizeable dent in her stack of pies (Applejack) and cupcakes (Pinkie Pie), joined in the laughter at Rainbow’s silliness.
“Who’s this present for?” Asked Twilight. She was standing next to a rather large, lumpy and heavy-looking present. Pinkie was instantly all over it.
“Ooh! Ooh! Me! Is it me? Please let it be me! I love presents! I mean really really love them, like almost as much as frosting! Oh my gosh, what if somepony gave me frosting as a present?! How fantadabbidoozy would that be?!”
“It’s for Fluttershy.” Twilight said, reading the tag.
“Oh, that’s cool too, ‘cuz I love it when somepony else opens a present and I get to see the massive smile grow on their face when they see what’s inside! Hay Fluttershy! Look this way while ya open it, so I can see your face- oh wait, if you look this way, you’re not gonna see what’s inside!”
“Pinkie Pie, quieten down an’ let Flutter open her present,” Applejack said, rolling her eyes.
Fluttershy flew up, took an end of ribbon in her mouth and pulled. Almost dramatically, the wrapping-paper fluttered down around its contents;
“Twenty-five eighty pound bags of carrots?”
“That’s gonna make a whole loada’ snow colts.”
Fluttershy began laughing. Not at Pinkie’s instant response to being confronted by a two-thousand pound barrage of vegetable matter, however. The bakeress had been wrong. The Hearths’ Warmer hadn’t just got her loads and loads of presents; he’d got a literal ton of them.
