Daring Do switches places with that "other" adventurer and is forced into one journey she might not want to travel.
Daring Do and Indiana Jones are transposed by an unexplainable force. Each of them have to pick up where the other left off, and maybe learn that some secrets were never meant to be uncovered...
The tannish-brown pegasus stepped toward what little glimmers of sunlight she could see through the cracks in the tunnel. The archaeologist-adventurer known as Daring Do examined her surroundings. This was certainly not the Sky Temple she had been flying through moments earlier. This place was underground, not above the ground. Also, her four hooves were firmly planted on solid ground, despite not having landed anywhere when she made this apparent transition. She didn’t even remember making a transition.
The young pegasus gave a resolute sigh, adjusted her pith helmet and walked toward the light. Snap! Daring Do gasped and jumped backwards, starting to take to the air. She had activated a booby trap consisting of a row of spears jutting out from a break in the wall. The spears themselves were not nearly as surprising as what was attached to them. Daring Do tried not to scream as she fell back on her flank and covered her mouth with her hoof. The decayed remains of a tall, bipedal creature were impaled by the spears. The creature’s jaw hung open in a silent scream, and even worse, Daring could see where the rotting flesh was starting to peel from the bones, revealing a bloated tongue and ghastly row of teeth.
Daring Do quietly crept past the spears, trying not to look at the corpse. She had never seen such an animal in her life, and could not even identify it. Under different circumstances, she would have loved the opportunity to examine the thing in an autopsy, but she didn’t even know where she was.
Daring continued on, not even surprised when she noticed a flurry of tarantulas beginning to collect on her back. She had seen spiders before, and casually brushed them off, almost smiling as she noticed them scurrying from the nooks and crannies in the wall.
“Señor, please, señor…” a distinctly male voice said from up ahead.
Daring Do cringed upon hearing the unfamiliar voice, partly because he shared a somewhat similar accent to her nefarious arch-nemesis, Ahuizotl. The pegasus trotted ahead, only to find herself staring at another bipedal creature who was very much alive.
It was a tall and haggard looking young male with a greasy black mane and sweaty, dirty clothes. It looked down at the tan pegasus in utter amazement who warily stepped backward. Neither of them had ever seen a being such as the other.
“Uh…hello?” Daring Do said, attempting to be friendly, holding out her hoof.
“Hola…” the male said, curiously rubbing the stubble on his face, and then rubbing his eyes.
“I’m Daring Do.” the pegasus greeted, “What’s your name?”
The male creature, thinking his liquor was getting the best of him, bent down and touched the small creature. Daring Do winced as the male rubbed her mane with his large, clumsy hands, starting to yank her fur.
“Hey! Cut it out! That hurts!” she complained.
When the male was convinced that the small pegasus was indeed real, he gave a devious smirk, believing that he had perhaps found a greater treasure than the artifact that his apparently missing American companion was looking for.
Without warning, Daring felt herself being lifted from the ground and carried in the opposite direction. At first she was too caught off guard to resist, but soon started struggling.
“Hey! Put me down!” she yelled, “Let me go, you creep!”
“Silencio!” the male ordered, trying his best to hold his captive still and run at the same time.
The man soon found himself at the mouth of the temple, looking at the sunlight ahead.. He was starting to become annoyed at the pony’s flapping, kicking, and screaming. Daring finally bit down on his arm, causing him to yelp in pain and release his grip. She began to fly toward the sunlight with the man giving chase, shouting and cursing in Spanish.
Daring Do flew out of the cavern into an unfamiliar jungle. Before she realized it, she had knocked straight into the chest of another bipedal creature, knocking him to the ground. She stepped off the man’s chest and found herself surrounded by a crowd of these strange animals. They wore nothing but cloth skirts around their waist, unlike the other man, and were armed with swords and spears, all aimed at Daring Do.
The man Daring Do had knocked over started to catch his breath, stood up, and brushed himself off. He wore a khaki outfit, not unlike Daring Do’s shirt, and also had his own pith helmet. He placed it back on his head and looked down at the animal that had knocked him over. It was like nothing he had ever laid eyes on. It almost looked like a young horse, but did not have the precise size and shape of an actual foal, not to mention it had the wings of an avian creature, and the shape of a compass rose embedded into its fur.
“What…are you?” the man asked, in an accent different from the male who had grabbed her, but still different than that of Daring Do’s region.
Daring Do placed her own helmet back on her head and looked up at the man. She silently hoped that he was not as unfriendly as the last creature, and the man’s armed companions made her even more nervous.
“Who are you?” she decided to ask, “Where am I?”
“Mon Dieu!” the man said, “It can speak! It speaks English!”
Before the man could ponder further, the man who had nabbed Daring in the temple, angrily stepped forward.
“I found it first, senor!” he argued, “That creature is mine!”
“I do not think so, monsieur.” the other man said, giving an evil smirk, “Unless, that is, you want to share the same fate of your companion.”
The man motioned to yet another sloppily dressed man wearing a hat and shorts who appeared to be standing in front of the natives. The man slumped over and fell face forward, his back riddled with darts from the natives’ blowguns. The other sweaty man warily looked at the corpse of his partner in crime, as did Daring Do.
“Where is Dr. Jones?” the man in the pith helmet inquired.
“Who?” the other man asked.
“The American.” the first man said, “The one you’ve been traveling with.”
“I don’t know, señor.” the second man answered, “He disappeared. I did not even see him leave.”
“Perhaps Dr. Jones has finally met his fate.” the first man suggested, “But then I doubt you would have made it out alive…in any case…I shall be taking this…unique specimen.”
The first man turned to Daring Do, who decided she had put up with these strange, dangerous creatures long enough. She flapped her wings and darted off into the sky as quickly as she could manage.
“After her!” the man in the pith helmet ordered in the natives’ own language, “Shoot her down! But do not kill her!”
The natives threw their spears, shot their arrows, and blew their poison darts, but Daring Do was already at too high an altitude. The pegasus scoured the jungle clearing from her birds-eye-view wondering where in Equestria she would fly next. The trouble was, she began to wonder, she probably wasn’t in Equestria anymore.
Daring noticed a river below her, and the constant flying was making her thirsty. She knew that she was not at a safe enough distance from the bipedal creatures, but she needed some sort of refreshment in order to fly and think clearly.
Daring Do landed on the opposite side of the river bank from the bipedal creatures, bent her head down and began to lap up the water. She noticed yet another bipedal creature in a blue jacket and hat dangling a string attached to a pole in the water. But that wasn’t what really caught her eye.
The man was leaning against a large white structure that Daring couldn’t tell if it was an animal or a building. She stared at it further and realized it was a large metal object with wings and a massive propeller. Despite the apparent danger, Daring Do’s instinctive curiosity kicked in and she fluttered over to the object for a closer look.
Large black letters were printed on the side of the object. “OB-1” she read silently. She wondered if this were some strange sort of cutie mark, and what the letters could possibly mean. Old Bakery? That didn’t make any sense. Judging from the shape of the structure, and the letters, the only explanation Daring could come up with was that the object was a vague metal sculpture of a pegasus.
Daring tapped the object with her hoof, listening to the metallic rattle. She fluttered over top of it and the man in the blue jacket started to notice. Daring lost her concentration when she saw him looking at her and ended up falling into a hole. The hole was actually a cubby built on top of the metal structure and Daring soon discovered that it was a seat.
The man in the blue jacket dropped his fishing rod and started to investigate what had fallen into the rear plane seat when he heard the shout of angry Hovito warriors running toward him out of the jungle. The man hopped inside the pilot seat and fiddled with the controls as the Hovitos began chucking their spears at him. The plane’s front engine made a sharp sparking sound as the propeller started up and the plane skirted across the water.
The pilot turned the throttle toward him and the plane began to ascend. Daring Do lifted herself up by her hooves and peered over the side of the metal object as it raised off the ground. The pegasus felt her stomach churn as the plane’s engine rumbled. She was not used to mechanically-powered flight, and she was not prepared for the large snake that jumped out at her.
The snake started to slither around Daring Do, who tried to wrest it off of her with her hooves.
“Get off of me!” she yelled, “What’s with this place? Where am I?!”
The pilot heard the commotion and turned around.
“Reggie! What are you doing?!” he shouted, “Get away from that thing!”
The pilot hastily grabbed his pet boa constrictor and placed Reggie in his lap. He only could briefly gaze at the other animal stowing away in his plane, thinking it was some kind of hawk. He started to shoo Daring away with his hand, but realized he had to concentrate on his flying. He figured that once he reached a high enough altitude, it would fly away, but his bigger concern was the location of his would-be passenger.
Jock, the pilot, peered over the side of his plane, scouring the ground for signs of his cohort, Indiana Jones. Indiana, or ‘Indy’, occasionally hired him to fly to some remote part of the globe in search of some ancient mumbo-jumbo. For the most part, Indy always made it back in one piece. Jock started to worry that maybe this time, the professor wasn’t so lucky. Jock shook his head as he realized there was no safe place to land, and that he would be killed as well if he tried to search for Indy. He then regretted that he wouldn’t get the other half of his paycheck.
The rugged man in the brown fedora and jacket stepped forward into the bright glaring sunlight, wondering how he had found himself in such a predicament. He was clearly no longer in the Chachapoyan temple in Peru. He wasn’t even sure if he was still on planet Earth. The sun and the sky looked familiar, but not the wide, expansive platforms of grey stone which were floating on air with no support. He did not recall being picked up and flown into the air, he did not even remember stepping off onto a platform. At some indistinct moment of time he was transposed from the underground cavern to this stone city in the clouds.
“Am I...dead?” he wondered, “Is this...the afterlife?”
Indiana Jones tried to ponder what could have possibly killed him, among dozens of choices. Perhaps he had actually been impaled on that spear trap he thought he missed, perhaps one of the Hovitos had snuck up behind him with a blowgun, or perhaps that crook of a guide Satipo had done him in.
“So if I’m dead, where’s the angel choir?” Indy mused, “Unless this is somehow that ‘other place’.”
Indy doubted that Hell would have such a clear, sunny sky, or that Heaven would be made out of stone. Maybe he was in the afterlife of one of countless myths and legends.
“So do I wait for Odin or Zeus to show up?” Indy pondered, “Horus, maybe?”
As if answer to Indy’s last suggestion, an enormous eagle suddenly swooped down with a piercing screech, and lifted him up with its talons.
“What the…?!” he shouted, “Put me down! Wait, don’t put me down!”
Indy soon found he was no longer on a platform, but soaring higher into the sky, carried by a giant eagle. He could just barely make out the ground beneath him. He looked up to get a closer look at his captor and realized that it wasn’t an eagle, at least, not just an eagle. Its hind portions were closer to that of a lion’s paws and tail.
“A griffon.” Indy noted, “I’ve been caught by a griffon. You’ve gotta be kidding me. So, are you taking me to see Zeus?”
“No, I’m taking you to Ahuizotl.” the griffon replied in a female voice, “Hey! You’re not Daring Do!”
“You can talk!” Indy realized, “Now I know I’m dreaming…if not, I sure hope that Zeus is a nicer guy than in the stories I’ve read...wait...did you say ahuizotl?”
Indy knew the Aztec myth of the ahuizotl, a dog-like creature that ate human flesh. Indy realized that if he wasn’t already dead, then he might soon be. This was shaping up to the worst hodge-podge of myth he had ever been forced into.
“What are you?” the griffon asked, “You’re clearly not a pegasus. And why are you wearing those strange clothes?”
“Listen….lady, I have no idea where I am, or how the hell I got here!” Indy replied, “And now you’re taking me to some Aztec demon dog! I’m the one that should be asking the questions!”
“Lord Ahuizotl sent me to fetch his arch-rival, the pegasus Daring Do, and bring him to him.” the griffon explained, “He promised me a reward, but perhaps you will do as well, strange creature.”
“You’re a griffon working for an ahuizotl, and you’re calling me ‘strange creature’?” Indy said, “Just don’t drop me, alright.”
“I can’t make any promises.” the griffon said, slyly.
After only a few minutes of flight, the griffon placed Indy on the ground in the middle of what he assumed were Aztec ruins. He was surrounded by a stone wall overgrown with vines. He looked up and almost gasped at the creature before him. Seated on a stone Aztec-style throne, and strangely petting a white house cat, was indeed a blue ahuizotl, wearing a gold “Aztec” collar. The blue canine creature had an extra “paw” at the end of his tail, and his jagged teeth protruded from his upper lip. He was also flanked by his assistants; a tiger, a panther, and a lynx. Indy knew this was not going to end well.
“My lord!” the griffon spoke up, “I have returned with this unusual creature that walks on two legs!”
“This is not Daring Do! Who is this?!” Ahuizotl said in a loud, gruff, vaguely Latino accent, “Where is Daring Do?!”
“Ahuizotl…” the griffon explained, “I could not find her. I found this ‘thing’ standing where she should have been.”
Ahuizotl lumbered from his throne, over to Indy, and snarled. Indy stood defiantly, but knew that if the Aztec legends were true, he couldn’t afford to be too hasty.
“What is your name, creature?!” the demon-dog shouted, “How did you get here?!”
“What’s it to you, pal?” Indy said, “Whadda you want with me?”
“I was not looking for you.” Ahuizotl replied, “I am searching for my arch-enemy, Daring Do. That little pegasus has foiled me one too many times!”
“Pegasus?” Indy questioned, “This just keeps getting better and better.”
“Silence!” Ahuizotl ordered, “What are you, anyway? I’ve never seen such a thing in my life. An almost hairless beast that walks on two legs…”
“I’ve never seen a griffon or an ahuizotl before.” Indy remarked, “But judging from my experience so far, maybe I didn’t need to.”
“I don’t know who you are, or how you arrived here…” Ahuizotl pondered, “But I’m going to make the best of a bad situation. Lock him up; maybe I’ll torture him later.”
The three big cats, Ahuizotl’s cronies, all started to slink over to Indy, growling and snarling. Indy hadn’t taken on three big cats at once before, but this was as good a time as any to try. Indy instinctively reached for the bullwhip strapped to his side and cracked it open. The three cats roared at his as he cracked his whip on the ground, trying to frighten them away. The panther managed to pounce on him and Indy suddenly realized the whip was a bad strategy.
“I’ve caught him!” the panther said.
“Good!” Ahuizotl replied, “Take him to my dungeon!”
The panther started to lift Indy up by the shoulders and drag him away. Indy reached for his pistol, strapped to the holster on the opposite side of his whip. He quietly cocked back the release and put his finger on the trigger. He jabbed his shoulder into the panther’s face and wrested out of the animal’s grasp. Indy spun around and aimed his gun right at the animal’s head. He fired a shot straight through the panther’s brain at point blank range.
All of the Equestrian creatures present gasped as the shot rang out and shuddered as blood poured out of the panther’s wound. Ahuizotl’s hench-cat plopped dead on the ground, causing the tiger and lynx to step back in fear.
“Lord Ahuizotl...” the tiger growled, “That creature...just killed...Pantera...”
“Kill him Tigre!” Ahuzotl ordered, “Kill him!”
Tigre started to pounce on Indy, spreading his claws to avenge his fallen friend. Indy raised his gun again, prepared to fire another shot, when a blinding flash of light caused everyone present to shield their eyes. As the light dissipated, Indy dropped his gun and rubbed his eyes. Once he regained his site, Indy’s jaw dropped in amazement, even in spite of all that had just transpired.
A large blue object was materializing out of thin air, right beside Ahuizotl’s throne. It appeared to be a blue telephone booth, with the words “Police Box” etched on top of it. As close as Indy could tell, a British police box had arrived out of nowhere. Indy didn’t question it, as he was past the point of questioning anything.
Before anyone else could question it, the door of the police box slid open, and out stepped a small brown pony with a dark brown mane, a blue tie, and an hourglass on his flank.
“Dr. Jones!” the brown pony called out in an English accent, “Dr. Jones, are you here?!”
“What?!” was all that Indy could manage to reply.
“Oh, Dr. Jones, there you are!” the brown pony said, “Well, grab your things, and let’s come along then. I haven’t got time to explain, so you’ll just have to trust me.”
Indy barely had time to comprehend why a brown pony who appeared out of a spontaneously existing police box knew his name, but considering his other option was to probably be mauled to death by a tiger, lynx, griffon, and ahuizotl, Indy decided to follow him. As Indy followed the pony into the police box, he turned around to face the Aztec demon dog.
“Nice try, Ahuizotl!” Indy said, as he slid the door of the police box shut.
Ahuizotl and his goons could only sit and stare in indignant amazement as the police box disappeared, taking the human and pony with it. The tiger and lynx stared pitifully at their fallen comrade as Ahuizotl’s pet cat hid behind him. The griffon started to ask for her reward, but since the bipedal creature had escaped, and she couldn’t shake the ghastly image of the dead panther from her mind, she took to the air and flew away.
“Curse you...!!” Ahuizotl shouted, putting together Indy’s name, and shaking his paw in the air, “Dr. Jones!!”
The older man in the dark blue pinstripe suit and tie walked solemnly around the empty classroom. Class had been cancelled that day due to the mysterious absence of Dr. Henry Jones, professor of archeology. Indy should have returned by now.
Marcus Brody wondered if his friend and colleague had finally taken one artifact too many. Marcus knew that Indy had a knack for getting in and out of trouble, always scouring the globe for antiquities. Maybe Indy had crossed a line in trying to retrieve the fertility idol and the Chachapoyan gods had gotten to him, or a Hovito spear. Making matters worse were the two Army Intelligence agents who had arrived on campus and demanded to see Dr. Jones. Marcus didn’t know what to say to them, and they weren’t telling him much either.
Marcus’ chain of thought was broken by a loud knock at the classroom door. He assumed it was the two agents.
“I already told you.” he said as he opened the door, “I don’t know where Dr. Jones is, and I don’t know when he’ll return.”
“Would you sign for him then?” said a blue-uniformed postman holding a large wooden crate.
“A package?” Marcus wondered, “The fertility idol?”
“No, sir. It’s a live animal.” the postman replied, “Be very careful.”
Marcus gave a bewildered look as the postman put the crate on the desk. The crate read “Caution: Live Animal” in large black letters and had small air holes cut into the top.
“What am I supposed to do with a live animal?” Marcus questioned, “What animal is it?”
“Peru…I think…” the postman replied, “From what we’ve been told, it’s a rare breed of miniature horse from Peru, but nobody’s really gotten a good look at it. We’re not supposed to open the package.”
“Why on earth would Indy send me a horse?” Marcus questioned, “And why ship it here?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.” the postman said, “If you don’t mind signing here….”
The postman retrieved a small notepad and pencil from his jacket, recording his delivery schedule. Marcus signed for the package; the postman shook his hand, tipped his hat, and scurried out the door.
“A miniature horse?” Marcus said, “Small enough to fit in this crate? I have to at least have a look.”
Marcus fiddled with the hooked metal latch keeping the crate lid shut. It didn’t even have a lock. As soon as he removed the lid, he stepped back and gasped.
“What on earth?!” he exclaimed, “I’ve never seen anything like it…”
The tannish-brown pegasus in a green shirt and pith helmet slept softly with her wings and hooves folded under her. She was surrounded by assorted leaves, straw, and weeds; some of which she had been feeding on. Marcus also noticed the little brown droppings that Daring had reluctantly piled as neatly as she could under the circumstances.
“Is this…a pegasus?” Marcus asked, completely astounded, “And why is it dressed up?”
Marcus couldn’t resist but tugging on one of Daring’s feathery wings. She slowly opened one eye, took one look at Marcus, and swiped at him with her front hoof. The professor drew back, just barely missing a hoof in the jaw and almost fell to the floor, collapsing against a student’s desk.
Daring fluttered out of the crate, stretching her wings and yawning. She balanced her four hooves on the floor and looked up at the human with an extremely irritated glare.
“I’ve been stuck in that box for two days!” she complained, “All I could smell was my own…”
“You can talk!” Marcus observed, “A little talking pegasus! I must be dreaming…clearly I must be dreaming…”
Marcus frantically rubbed his eyes and face. He then pinched his cheek, trying to wake himself.
“This simply cannot be real…” Marcus said, “Why…and how…did Indy send me a pegasus that can speak perfect English?”
“So you know this ‘Indy’ guy too, huh?” Daring responded, “That other human in the big metal bird…Jock, told me about him. So now Indy is missing, and I’m trapped here in a world full of humans.”
“Who are you?” Marcus asked, “What are you?”
“The name’s Daring Do.” she announced, “I’m a pegasus. Sorry that I took a swipe at you. Like I said, I’ve been trapped in a crate for two days. Jock flew me as far as he could, but the only way I could make it here is if he had me shipped in that box. I couldn’t even talk, or they’d think I was a human trapped in there and open it up.”
“You’re certainly speaking now!” Marcus said.
“Jock said this is where Indy lives.” Daring replied, “I was hoping I could find some clues as to what happened to him, and to me. Are you one of his friends?”
“Why…yes…in fact.” Marcus said, trying to become accustomed to the presence of a ‘talking horse with wings’, “My name is Marcus, Marcus Brody.”
“I’m Daring Do.” she said, politely tipping her helmet and holding up her hoof.
Marcus bent down and reluctantly shook the flat of pegasus’ hoof, still not quite believing his eyes and ears.
“So you have no indication of Indy’s whereabouts?” Marcus asked.
“I don’t even know how or why I got here.” Daring said, “Most of the humans I’ve met so far have tried to kill or ponynap me. Not that it’s all that different in Equestria.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.” Marcus admitted, “If you have no knowledge of what’s happened, then neither do I. Where are you from, anyway?”
“That’s kind of hard to explain.” Daring replied, “I live in a place where most everypony looks like I do, of course we also have dragons, and griffons…and Ahuizotl…ugh…but I always thought humans were a myth.”
“Humans are a myth?” Marcus questioned, “I thought pegasi were a myth, much less ones who spoke and wore clothing.”
“So now what?” Daring wondered.
“Well, I do have other business with which to attend.” Marcus said, “I’m not the only one wondering what happened to Indy. Do you mind staying here until I return?”
“It doesn’t look like I have much of a choice.” Daring complained.
The adventuring pegasus gave a heavy groan and folded her legs to the floor, lamenting her predicament. Marcus left the room to tell the two government men that Dr. Jones wouldn’t be returning any time soon.
The grey, yellow-maned, cross-eyed pegasus fluttered around happily, humming to herself and chasing a pink butterfly. She was flying in a grassy field a good distance (but not too far) from Ponyville. The mail/delivery pony known as Derpy Hooves lost track of the butterfly and her derped eyes widened in amazement as a blue police box materialized in front of her. The large blue box phased in-and-out with a heavy metallic hum before solidifying. The door slid open and the brown pony with the hourglass on his flank trotted out.
Derpy smiled brightly and fluttered right up to the familiar face. The brown stallion realized the mistake he had just made and gave a sheepish grin.
“You’re…you’re…you’re…” Derpy stammered in midair, placing her hooves on her jaw, “Dr. Hooves! You’re back! You’re finally back!”
“It’s just the Doctor, Derpy.” he corrected, “It’s always been the Doctor.”
“But everypony else calls you Dr. Hooves!” Derpy retorted, “I’m gonna tell everypony that Dr. Hooves is back!”
“Derpy, wait!” the Doctor warned, “Derpy, listen to me. Nopony is supposed to know who I really am. Only a few ponies even know me as ‘Dr. Hooves’.”
The Doctor soon realized the second mistake he made in not allowing Derpy to fly back into town when she collapsed on the ground, placing her hooves over her eyes and cowering in fear.
“Derpy?” the Doctor asked, “Derpy, what’s the mat-oh…”
The Doctor craned his head behind him to look at the ‘matter’. Indiana Jones had stepped out of the TARDIS, and he was not amused.
“I’ve pretty much learned not to ask questions at this point after all that’s happened …” he groaned, “But I’m going to ask anyway…where the hell am I?”
“Well, Dr. Jones…” the Doctor tried to explain, “Like I said before, you were somehow transposed to Equestria, a dimension where small sentient horses are the dominant species. Unfortunately, because my TARDIS is malfunctioning, we’re still in Equestria. But this is the ‘real’ Equestria.”
“The other one wasn’t real enough?” Indy complained.
“That was Daring Do’s Equestria.” the Doctor continued, “Daring Do is the main character in a series of novels in this world…just like in your world…I mean, uh…”
“So, you’re telling me that every time someone writes a book, a new ‘world’ is created?” Indy asked.
“Possibly, but not necessarily…” the Doctor replied, “It’s rather complicated…the important thing to remember is…that’s it…Daring Do!”
“What about it?” Indy wondered, “I’ve had enough ‘derring do’ for one lifetime.”
“I’m surprised to hear you say that Dr. Jones.” the Doctor said, “I thought adventuring was your passion. Never mind. If you somehow ended up in Daring Do’s world, then that probably means Daring Do is in your world. The trouble is that I don’t know how to get you there, and her back here…or back to her Equestria.”
“So you’re telling me that one of these talking pony-things is running around my world, and I’m missing?” Indy inquired.
“That’s about the size of it.” the Doctor replied.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me…” Indy scoffed.
“Now, Derpy, as I was saying…” the Doctor began, “Oh dear…”
“What?” Indy asked.
“Derpy’s gone.” the Doctor noted, “And once all of Ponyville finds out there’s another human in Equestria, you’ll never hear the end of it. You know, that’s a peculiar name for a town, ‘Ponyville’. It’s not like there’s a town named ‘Humanville’ on Earth. Well, I suppose there’s a ‘Mansfield’, but I digress…”
“So what am I supposed to do now?” Indy wondered.
“You could stay here with the TARDIS while I try to explain things.” the Doctor suggested, “Or you could follow me and be shunned by a world full of sentient ponies. Your choice, Dr. Jones.”
“This day just keeps getting better and better.” Indy remarked.
Indy followed the Doctor into town, where Derpy had already made their presence known, by flying around and shouting at ponies. Indy looked around in disbelief and almost disgust at the brightly colored pastel buildings, and their just as brightly colored equine inhabitants. Many of them returned the same look to the mysterious human.
“Everything’s fine, everypony!” the Doctor assured them, “Everything’s perfectly fine. The human is my companion. I assure you, he’s harmless.”
“I wouldn’t assure them of that just yet, pal.” Indy commented.
Indy could easily here the not-so-soft whispers and murmurings of Ponyville’s citizens.
“Another human…how can this be…how did he get here…somepony tell the mayor…somepony tell the princess…this is simply awful…”
“They sure are ‘welcoming’ for a bunch of cartoony-looking multicolored little horses.” Indy remarked, “Still beats being ripped apart by a griffon or panther, I suppose…”
“You must understand Dr. Jones that humans aren’t meant for Equestria, and Equestrians aren’t meant for your world.” the Doctor explained, “Your species is a threat to the equines’ existence. Why, if humans, or any other countless warlike species, managed a full-scale invasion, I doubt that these ponies would stand a chance.”
“But they have to deal with griffons and ahuizotls don’t they?” Indy suggested.
“Such creatures aren’t usually armed with guns and bombs.” the Doctor retorted.
“Hey! Hey!! Everypony!!” a certain grey pegasus shouted from up ahead, “There’s a human in Ponyville! A big, scary human is here in Ponyvile!!”
The Doctor put his face in his hoof and sighed.
“I’ll handle this, Dr. Jones.” he advised.
The brown Time Lord “pony” galloped up to where Derpy was flying. The “bubbly” pegasus was now shouting at all the patrons inside the bakery, Sugar Cube Corner. Panic ensued as shelves were overturned, cupcakes splattered to the floor, and everypony made a mad dash for the door.
“Humans! Humans in Equestria! Not again!” was the general consensus.
“Derpy!” the Doctor shouted, “Derpy!! Get down here! You’re causing a mass panic!”
Derpy fluttered down to ground level and gave a sheepish grin to her friend.
“Derpy…listen to me…” the Doctor chided, “I was going to properly introduce everypony to Dr. Jones. He’s not going to hurt anypony. He came here by accident and I’m trying to return him to his world. Do you understand?”
“Yes, of course…” Derpy said, smiling and nodding.
She then turned to the panicking crowd who was starting to surround Indiana Jones.
“Hey everypony!!” she yelled, “The big, scary human is not going to hurt anypony and he’s trying to get back home!! Okay!!”
“Thank you, Derpy.” the Doctor groaned, smacking his face with his hoof again.
Indy rolled his eyes as the crowd of ponies surrounded him and tried to give threatening glares, but most of them were also shaking nervously. They did not know what the human was capable of doing, and Derpy’s warnings were doing nothing to lift their spirits.
“Hello…” was all Indy managed to say.
“Hey! Wait a second!” said a chirpy female voice, “Somepony needs to get back and clean up this…who are you?!”
A certain pink pony with a frilly mane, and three balloons on her flank, had caught a glimpse of the latest human. She skipped and bounced on all four legs, making an odd ‘boing’ as she hopped past the crowd.
“Pinkie!” somepony shouted, “Get away from him! He’s dangerous!”
“He doesn’t look so dangerous to me.” Pinkie said, staring Indy up and down, her pupils bouncing in lock with her hopping, “But what if he is dangerous?! What if his tacky looking clothes and greasy mane are meant to lure me into a false sense of security?! What if he’s so scruffy and shabby looking because he likes to eat ponies! Run, everypony! Run!!”
The crowd ran up and down in a manic frenzy once again. Pinky bounced away and shut herself inside Sugar Cube Corner. The flurry of ponies left Indy, the Doctor, and Derpy in a cloud of dust. The only pony remaining beside them was a bluish-green mare with a harp on her flank and a streak of white in her hair.
“Sayyyyyyy…” she spoke up, as if barely able to contain her glee, “You’re human…aren’t you…I’m Lyra Heartstings…what’s your name, buddy?”
“Buddy?” Indy questioned, looking down at Lyra, “Uh…my name is Indy…Indiana Jones.”
“N.D. Anna Jones.” Lyra repeated, “So what’s the N.D. stand for, ‘nice dresser’? Those are some nice duds you got there, human.”
Lyra attempted to stand on two hooves and walk as a bipedal creature. She managed to wobble up to Indy and held out a front hoof, wanting him to shake it. The Doctor nudged Indy with his forehead and Indy reluctantly shook the wannabe human’s hoof. Lyra collapsed into Indy’s arms, gave him a hug, and sniffed him.
“That fresh human scent…” she remarked.
“This is getting creepy…” Indy said, pushing Lyra away, “You take me back home now, Doctor, and I’ll forget this ever happened.”
“I would if I could, Dr. Jones.” the Doctor replied, “I’m stuck in this small equine body, and you’re stuck in a world full of them.”
“Ponies…” Indy lamented, “Why did it have to be ponies?”
A young woman with black hair picked up the used shot glasses, sticky with liquor from around the small wooden tables and placed them on a tray. She had just finished sweeping out the drunken climbers and other assorted dregs that made up her usual patrons. She had even managed to drink one of them under a table on a bet. She could just about outshoot anyone at whiskey.
Marion Ravenwood was the proprietor of The Raven, since her father Abner’s passing. Her Nepalese friend Mohan also helped run the place, but he wasn’t much for conversation. Marion still somewhat resented her father, having spent all her life alongside him, searching for little bits of junk. There was also that other man who had ruined her life…
“Indiana Jones.” Marion announced, seeing the familiar shadow of his fedora, letting a shot glass shatter on the floor, “I always knew someday you’d…”
Marion was speechless once she realized the shadow wasn’t Indy’s fedora, but rather a small pith helmet, attached to the head of a small winged pony that was now trotting through her door. Marion also did not miss the irony that the pegasus looked startlingly like herself.
“What’d Mohan put in those drinks?” Marion wondered, “I must be hallucinating.”
“No, you’re not dreaming, Ms. Ravenwood.” chirped the pony’s human companion, “I thought the same thing myself. My name is Marcus Brody; I’m a friend of Indy’s.”
Marion rubbed her eyes in disbelief as Marcus followed the pegasus inside the bar.
“I’m Daring Do.” the pegasus spoke up, “You’re Marion Ravenwood, correct?”
“I gotta quit drinkin’.” Marion resolved, “I must be goin’ crazy.”
“Ms. Ravenwood, I assure you, Ms. Do is not an illusion.” Marcus explained, “Ms. Do here is a living, breathing, flying, speaking, humanly sentient pegasus.”
“We’re looking for the headpiece to the Staff of Ra.” Daring spoke up, “Your father unearthed it, correct?”
At this point, Marion broke out into drunken, maniacal laughter.
“So you’re…tellin’ me…” she said between laughs, “Marcus Brody…and this talkin’ horse…waltz in here…and ask about Abner…no…just no…”
“Ms. Ravenwood?” Marcus asked, “Is Abner available? I’d very much like to speak with your father.”
“Abner’s dead…” Marion said sternly, breaking out of her laughing spell.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Marcus consoled, “He was a decent man.”
“Yeah, you’re sorry…” Marion scoffed, “Everybody’s sorry…Abner was sorry for dragging me halfway across the globe…Indy’s sorry for leaving me…have you seen him?”
“Indy’s gone, somewhere.” Marcus explained, “He’s missing. When I last heard of him, he was in Peru. That’s also where Ms. Do was found.”
“That talkin’ horse…” Marion said, “I still don’t believe it. Straight out of a fairy tale. I’ll chalk it up to bad whiskey. By the way, if you do see Indy, give ‘im a message for me, will you?”
“Of course…” Marcus said.
Without warning, Marion reared her fist back and punched the professor right in the jaw. Marcus drew back in shock and nearly fell over, rubbing his bleeding lip. Daring Do fluttered up to Marion’s face and started to rear her hoof back.
“Whoa…whoa…wait…” Marion said, “I didn’t mean to get your pet riled up. But I’ve owed Indy that punch for a long time, and if I can’t deliver it to him personally…”
“I understand, Ms. Ravenwood.” Marcus said, wiping the blood from his mouth, “I think.”
“Why don’t you come back tomorrow?” Marion advised.
“Why should we?” Daring inquired.
“Because I said so, that’s why.” Marion answered, “And you’re a talking horse with wings.”
“I’m a pegasus.” Daring corrected, “And we need that headpiece, if you’ve got it.”
“Sure, I’ve got it.” Marion said, “Come back tomorrow.”
“Come back tomorrow?!” Daring argued, “We’ve come too far just to let you…”
Daring tugged at Marion’s blouse and accidentally pulled up the headpiece that Marion wore as a necklace. Marion sneered and removed the necklace, tossing it off to the side. Daring was just about to grab it when the front door swung open. Daring felt a cold chill down her spine and instinctively flew out of sight, behind the bar. Four men stepped inside, two Germans in black trench coats and fedoras, and two local thugs in Sherpa wear. The lead German, Maj. Toht, was a short man wearing glasses, and an insidious smile.
“Good evening, fraulein.” Toht announced.
“The bar’s closed.” Marion said.
“We are not thirsty.” Toht replied.
“Whadda you want?” Marion scoffed.
“The same thing your friend Dr. Jones wanted.” Toht warned, “I hope for your sake he has not yet acquired it.”
“Jones isn’t here.” Marion said, “How about a drink for you and your men?”
“Why don’t you tell me where the piece is, right now?” Toht advised.
“Listen, Herr Mac.” Marion said, “I’m not used to people telling me what to do in my place.”
“Fraulein Ravenwood.” Toht replied, “Let me show you what I am used to. Net!”
Marion gasped as she was grabbed by the two sherpas. She saw Toht take off his glove and walk over to the fireplace.
“Your fire is dying.” Toht said, as he removed the glowing hot iron fire poker from the coals.
“Wait!” Marion pleaded, “I can be reasonable! I can tell you where the piece is!”
“That time has passed.” Toht said, smiling wickedly as he brought the red hot metal closer to Marion’s face.
“Let her go!” Daring shouted, flying out from behind the bar and punching Toht right in the nose with her hoof.
Toht’s nose bleed on impact, and the fire poker flung from his hand. It landed on the nearby drapes and set them aflame. The second German agent raised his submachine gun from under his coat and opened fire on the pegasus. Daring Do ducked back under the bar and pulled her helmet over her ears as bottles burst open, raining liquor and shattered glass around her.
Marcus attempted to leap into action by breaking a bottle over the head of one of the sherpas. The sherpa fell to the ground but his comrade retrieved a handgun from under his robe. He raised his gun to shoot Marcus but the flammable whiskey had caused the flames to spread and his robe caught on fire. He panicked, dropping his gun, while trying to put out the flames. Marion retrieved it and shot him right between the eyes, making him fall to the floor.
Marcus was suddenly ambushed by a very large sherpa who had been waiting outside. The strongman grabbed Marcus and began to strangle him.
“Shoot them.” Toht ordered, “Shoot them both.”
The second Nazi raised his machine gun and was about to fire again when Daring’s two rear hooves bucked him in the side of the head. The man was knocked out cold and his machine gun clattered to the floor. Marion retrieved it and nearly hit Marcus as she sprayed the giant sherpa with machine gun fire. The sherpa fell backward and Marcus struggled to catch his breath. He stepped back in shock at the realization that Marion had almost shot him.
In the midst of the struggle, Toht noticed the headpiece on the floor and tried to grab it. He shrieked in pain as the heated metal seared into his palm, leaving a burnt imprint. Toht dropped the artifact, whimpering in agony as he leapt out of the front window, shattering the glass. He placed his hand in the snow to ease the pain, causing it to hiss and melt.
“We gotta get outta here!” Marion warned, “This whole place is blazing!”
Marion grabbed a piece of cloth and wrapped her hand before retrieving the hot headpiece and ran out the door. Marcus quickly followed behind and Daring flew out the broken window. Marion looked at her establishment as it was consumed by the flames, the building starting to collapse.
“You sure know how to show a lady a good time!” she shouted sarcastically.
“What do we do now?!” Daring asked in frustration.
“To Egypt, I suppose.” Marcus surmised.
“As long as I have this piece you’re gonna get more than you bargained for!” Marion said, “I’m your-”
“We know!!” Daring and Marcus interrupted in unison.
