> Music Sounds Better With You
>  by Proswagonist
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prologue - Bedtime Stories
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Bedtime Stories


"Can you tell me a bedtime story, daddy?" spoke a young unicorn filly to a brown-coated stallion whom was in the middle of tucking her in to bed. 

"Of course, sweetie. How about..." Bass Profundo said in his deep, soothing voice as he put a hoof to his chin in thought "The wizard and the mare?"

"What's a wizard, daddy?" The alabaster filly asked.

"I'll get to that in a minute sweetie," Bass chuckled. "A looong time ago, before Starswirl the bearded, or even Nightmare Moon, there was a lovely unicorn mare. While she wasn't very talented with magic, what she WAS good with was music. Ivory Harp, was her name, and the harp is what she played. Legends say, she was so good with her instrument, that the princesses would often have her play her soothing music for them when they knew there was going to be a hectic day at court. This is because it was impossible to lose your cool when Ivory Harp's music was in the air. Her music was good for the very soul."

"One day, disaster struck, and while attempting for the first time to create a new spell to have her harp's music reach further, and calm even more hearts, the spell backfired, and Ivory's harp shattered, along with her house. She was absolutely crestfallen. None of Ivory Harp's friends could make her smile again."

"But, while she sat in front of where her house used to be, she heard a short, deep rumble, and suddenly, a tower appeared right where Ivory's house had been! Not long afterwards, the tower's resident stepped outside. He was a strange being, whom stood on two legs, and had hands where we would have forehooves. He wore dark robes, which seemed to be made of Luna's very own night sky, and had a tall, pointed hat upon his head. But that wasn't what caught Ivory's attention about him the most. This strange creature's eyes shone with great kindness."

"Ivory stepped forward and asked the creature who he was, to which he replied 'I am Merowin, a wizard of great magical talent. I come to your land seeking a dear friend of mine. If you help me, I would grant you any boon you desire."

"Ivory Harp sighed, and lowered her gaze, saying 'I have a wish, but I cannot ask you to undo my mistakes, for they are mine alone. My home, where your tower now stands, was lost, along with my favorite harp while I was trying to create a spell to have it's music reach the hearts of everypony."

"Merowin, in a suprising move, wrapped Ivory Harp in a tight hug and smiled saying 'then my tower shall be your home as well as mine. There is plenty space, and perhaps together we could perfect your spell. I have sworn that kindness shall be my currency, though it is free to give."

"Ivory Harp couldn't believe her luck. Swearing that she would help Merowin receive an audience with the princesses in the hopes that they could find the wizard's lost friend, the two in the meantime perfected Ivory's spell, filling the hearts of the entire town with the peace of heart her music brings. Ivory Harp and Merowin became fast friends, and soon found themselves in Canterlot before the princesses."

"To Merowin's dismay, Equestria was not even the world where his dear lost friend was located, and it appeared that the magic to go where he had wanted had been sealed by an unknown force. It was now Merowin's turn to become depressed. For weeks, the wizard had locked himself in the top room of his tower, and he would not have eaten had Ivory Harp not made him."

"The mare's music was the only thing to truly calm Merowin's broken heart. During the day, she would play her music outside the wizard's door, waiting for him to return to his old self. When the day finally came, Merowin spoke to Ivory saying 'You stuck by me when all I wanted was for me to disappear from the world. Thanks to your kind heart and your skill with the harp, I now find I can move on,  and accept that my friend is beyond my reach. I wish to live as though each day were my last, but only if you'll be with me."

"Merowin would go on to improve Equestrian magic with his own understanding of how it worked, and Ivory Harp kept him company. Over time, the two realized they had fallen in love with eachother." 

This had received a small chuckle from the little filly. "L-O-V-E" she spelled aloud while giggling. Bass Profundo mussed her hair a little bit, smiling.

"The two were kind of sad, though. They saw many of their friends so happy with having a foal or two, and they had really wanted to have foals of their own, but Merowin was not a pony of any sort. As well, Merowin's research had reached a dead end. You see, his magic was so different from how we do it, that it was hard to apply his methods to Equestrian magic. Ivory Harp, jokingly, said 'Why don't you find out if sticking my horn on your forehead would do the trick."

"Merowin looked at Ivory Harp wide eyed, and said 'That's it! The solution to both our problems! If I had a spare unicorn's horn, I could craft it into a magical circlet which would turn the wearer into a unicorn!"

"What's a circlet, daddy?" the young filly asked, her voice finally painted with the need for sleep.

"Well honey, it's sort of like a tiara, except stallions can wear a circlet where they'd look silly wearing a tiara." came Bass' answer, eliciting an 'oh' that was half yawn.

"Anyway, Ivory Harp at first stared at Merowin as though he'd said something horrible, but then realized this was indeed the answer the two had been looking for. Ivory Harp, as I said earlier, was not very good with her magic, so it would not be missed. To trade that for the ability to have a foal with her beloved was not even a question she needed to answer."

"Merowin developed a magic spell which would both harmlessly remove a unicorn's horn and preserve the magic within it. The horn was then coated in silver, blessed under Luna's moon, and affixed to band made of gold, blessed under Celestia's sun. Upon donning the circlet, Merowin transformed into a rather handsome, fit, and deep voiced unicorn stallion! Together they had several foals, a colt and a filly, and Merowin went on to create new ways to work unicorn magic. It turns out though, Merowin's notes were so strange and hard to read, it wasn't untill Starswirl the bearded used his head centuries later that they could be truly understood."

"And so, Merowin and Ivory Harp lived happily ever after. The end." Bass Profundo smiled at the still form of his daughter, and leaned over to kiss her forehead before quietly getting up.

In a tiny, half-asleep voice, the filly said "Daddy, what was Merowin the wizard?"

Bass Profundo paused. "Well Vinyl. That's kind of a hard one. Some say he was something called a human, but there's versions of the story where it says Merowin knew how to breathe fire, so I think he may have been some kind of dragon."





15 years later, in a library in Austin, Texas, on a little planet called Earth...


"Breathing fire, breathing underwater, walking on clouds, summon wulfes heafod (the fuck are those?) ... hmmm... Nope, I don't particularly need any of that." Said Alan Ryves, shaking his dark brown hair. In his hands was a particularly old volume, leatherbound with a velvet bookmark, and gilded edges. The cover read:
-De Magia- Merlin Ambrosius 

The young man's eyes widened for a moment as he read a passage near the back.

“I find this world growing colder and colder to me, since Arthur Pendragon had his phyrric victory at Camlann against Mordred. He had been taken to Avalon where his mortal wounds will be healed, only for him to sleep until such time as his country truly needs the King of Knights again. As well, so few of his knights are alive to keep their vows. I find more and more I am dispised for things I could not have prevented. As well, I miss Arthur, my dear friend. Whomsoever finds this volume, know that this last spell I write, I do so out of desperation. Passage to Avalon is a trip I estimate there is no return from unless King Oberon allows it.”

To the young man, the word 'desperation' stood out. It was something he was deeply acquainted with.
> Chapter 01 - Arrival
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Arrival


It was a pleasant, though chilly pre-dawn morning in Ponyville. WAS, being the operative word here. All of the sudden, a deep rumble and the sound of a single WUB from what must have been the world's most powerful bass amp woke up the neighborhood, followed shortly after by the sound of debris falling all over the place.

In the center of a crater that had just been her house, Vinyl Scratch stands, her electric blue hair standing straight up, her now shattered purple tinted glasses hanging off of her face, and her mouth agape. A moment passes before she grins and gives a shout of "THAT WAS BUCKING AWESOME!"

Another moment passes. It is then that the DJ looks around her and realizes her house had just become a hole. "Oh..OH...oh... damn." She says, her features losing the perkiness she'd had moments before as the reality of her situation sinks in.

Lights in the nearby houses start coming on one after another, tired, shocked, and angry stares (sometimes all at once!) quickly find the source of the disturbance. 

It is in this moment, Vinyl Scratch finds herself feeling VERY small.


 

It was a very cold midnight in Austin, the temperature a far-too rare blessing for the Texas city. In the basement of a two-story building on the bad side of town, the home's sole resident is hard at work completing a diagram on the bare floor. The drawing itself is but only a single step in a very time-consuming ritual. Thankfully for him, Alan Ryves now has nothing but time.

First, a mixture of salt, sand, gold flakes, and alcohol (the last two easily obtained from the same bottles at a nearby liquor store) are to be spread around in a circle at the property to be affected. 

Windows are to be shut and have a single broken link from a chain placed on the windowsil. 

Near the center of the salty circle, at the lowest point, arranged at the points of a hexagon made of the same salt/sand/gold/alcohol mixture are placed the seed of a giant redwood, a sealed jar filled with tiny pieces of paper with jokes written on them, the hair of a dog, the feather of a parrot, the diamond from an old family heirloom, and lastly, a shard from a meteorite (which was easier to get than it seems at first. Meteorite hunters have been busy in Russia of late.) Dead center in the middle is a small pile of ash from the fireplace of a fallen building.

Having finished the arcane work, the young man responsible for this mess steps back, wiping the sweat from his brow while admiring his work. "There's no way this will work. My entire ass this book was written by Merlin." he says to the air, a slight edge of bitterness in his voice. "But I've got nothing left to lose."

The gas having been shut off the day before, the house was getting close to the outside temperatures of mid-October. Looking around the dim basement, the young man smiles sadly at the remnants of several generations of a family whittled away by age, bad decisions, and bad timing:

The black and white photographs of smiling people Alan has never met. Old sports equipment. Materials from unfinished home improvement projects. Unopened boxes of plastic model kits. A collection of worthless foreign money. A restored Harley-Davidson Model WLA. The accompanying sidecar for said motorcycle, still sporting some bullet holes and it's original paintjob. Still unboxed equipment from a DJ career that never got the chance to take off. A pile of welding equipment and half-finished projects. And even more things still in boxes awaiting shipment to a storage rental.

Sighing, Alan looks to the work ahead of him and shrugs his shoulders, as if shrugging off the last of his hesitation."Now, the last step," he says as he stands up slowly, a slight creaking noise coming from his right knee. He furrows his brow and takes a hobby knife from a nearby table, pausing with the blade hovering over his left index finger. Closing his eyes, he speaks as though addressing a large group of people. 

"I, Alan Ryves, knock upon the door of eternity which leads to the land of Avalon. I come to you seeking refuge from a world that wishes to swallow me whole. I swear by all that is good, that I shall keep and uphold your laws. That my currency shall be kindness. That my body, when finally spent, shall be used to enrich your fields." He winces slightly as he draws a crimson line from his finger with the small blade. "And finally, that I show my devotion to this pact with an offering of my life blood." 

Kneeling, Alan holds his bloodied finger over the pile of ash in the center of the hexagon. Sanguine tears mix with the pile,  forming small balls of dark red mud. "I beg you to accept me as I am: weak, tired, and desperate." 

There was absolute silence. No barking dogs, or singing night birds, or even the wail of a too-close police car's siren. 


Silence.


Then, for the briefest of moments, a low rumble could be heard in the neighborhood. No-one awake witnessed the old two story house in east Austin, along with a dome of dirt from under the house, wink out of existence. 




Vinyl Scratch was not having a good day.

Standing where her house/studio used to be located was now a deep crater of freshly-exposed earth, with a debris field of broken household nicknacks and audio equipment surrounding it. After a whole morning of apologizing to her neighbors for waking them up in the early morning and then collecting the small amount of her things which had survived her unsuccessful acoustics-enhancing spell, the ivory and electric blue colored mare was at a complete loss for what to do now.

Her entire life's work had been in the studio of her house, and all she had to show for it were a duct-taped headset, a mere hoof full of her records, some audio wires, and a single amp. Everything else had been too smashed up to use. Today was not a good day for DJ PON-3. Pinkie Pie had even stopped by to give the poor mare the biggest hug she could, but only succeeded in making Vinyl Scratch depressed AND blue in the face.

"I'm sorry, Pinks, but this isn't just going to go away for now. I promise I'll swing by that shindig you had planned for tonight, even if I don't exactly have the gear to spin tunes for you now."

"Pinkie promise?"

"Yup. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye"

Satisfied with Vinyl's answer, Pinkie gives her one last short hug before beginning to trot off "Seeee youuu attheparty!" the strange pink mare says, the last part spoken at the speed of light as she zooms off to Celestia knows where.

Vinyl Scratch sighs, shivering slightly in the chill air as she looks over her cracked glasses in her hooves, her apple red eyes cast downward. Had she been looking up, she may have seen what happened next, for yet another rumble filled the air, shocking her out of her thoughts, and spooking the neighbors yet again. Vinyl looks on, mouth agape at the two-story house which now occupies the spot where her own humble home once stood.

Ponies from all around come outside to have a look at the source of the latest disturbance, many blinking and rubbing their eyes when they see the old dark red brick house that was definitely not there before, as if thinking it were some manner of illusion. 

But it was real, and there was the very real sound of muffled cursing coming from the basement window.

> Chapter 02 - The Universal Greeting
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 2


As suddenly as the rumbling had started, it stopped. Alan opens his eyes to discover the lights have all turned off, and in their place, sunlight streams through the basement's tiny window. The light of the sun at noon. "It worked.... mother of twelve bastards, it WORKED!" Rushing to the window, Alan is greeted with a strange sight, indeed. His house was now in the middle of what appeared to be a medieval village... inhabited by multicolored ponies, the tallest of which seemed to come up just above his midsection. "Holy hell. That's a lot of ponies." The rational part of Alan's brain told him there were too many of them around for them to simply be loose livestock. As well, many seemed to be talking and wearing at least some form of clothes to keep them warm.

"I'd better make myself look presentable before I meet my new neighbors, I suppose." He chuckled. Rushing upstairs, he sprints to his closet and proceeds to put on a pair of carpenter jeans, a blue t-shirt featuring his favorite transformers character, Soundwave, a green hoodie, his red converse sneakers, and lastly, his lucky Doctor Who scarf. He picks up his olive messenger bag and pauses, looking at where he stashes his candy. "That's not a bad idea. This could work," he says as he starts pulling out a bag of his favorite sweets.

A minute later, he is at his door. Pausing again, he closes his eyes and clears away his remaining jitters with a deep breath. You only get to make one first impression when meeting an entirely new species, afterall. 




Outside, a rather large herd of ponies have gathered to gawk at the very out of place modern-yet-run-down home which appeared out of nowhere. At the front of it all, Vinyl Scratch stands closest to the front door, contemplating knocking. There is a click as the doorknob turns, Vinyl's ears twitching involuntarily as it creaks open. Every pony assembled holds their breath in anticipation as it opens slowly, revealing a shaded figure just inside the doorway of the darkened house. Stepping out into the light, he reveals himself. A six foot tall alien, nearly hairless save for his short mane of dark hair on the top of his head. He stands on his hind legs, and in place of forehooves, he has strange five-fingered appendages, which move gently as he sweeps a few stray hairs of his mane back from his ice blue eyes.

Moving slowly to try and keep from startling everypony too badly, he holds up one of his hands vertically and speaks. 

"Bah weep Graaaghna weep ninnibong"

This is followed by the assembled ponies looking to eachother, some repeating his words, others quietly saying things like what the buck does that mean? or I hope that means he's friendly.

Vinyl Scratch steps closer to him, looking into his eyes before saying "Bah weep Graaaghna weep ninnibong?" The creature smiles, nods, and begins pulling some small, round, red and black objects from his bag. He holds his hand out to her, as if telling her to have some. She picks one from his hand with her hoof, sniffs it briefly, and pops it in her mouth before giving it a good chew. The delicious mixture of peanut butter and candy shell coating assault her tasebuds nearly instantly. "Whoa! These are GOOD!" She says, taking another one.

"Oh thank god, you speak English." Alan says giving a relived sigh.

"Actually, we're speaking Equestrian, but whatever floats your boat, dude." Vinyl replies, still chewing on the last couple pieces. "So, where do you come from, alien guy?"

Relaxing his voice as well as his shoulders, Alan says "Well, if there's a bright center of the universe, I come from the planet that it's furthest from. A little ball of saltwater and dirt called Earth. And yes, before you say anything, that IS like I just said," He pauses, making a comically straight face and deepening his voice for effect "I come from planet Dirt," he chuckles, hearing most of the ponies close enough to hear his quip  give a small laugh as well, especially the electric blue maned unicorn infront of him. "My name is Alan Ryves. It's a pleasure to meet you. All of you."

The mare infront of Alan gulps, finishing the last couple of pieces Alan had offered. "And I'm Vinyl Scratch. Put er there, buddy," she says, her apple-red eyes meeting Alan's ice blue eyes as she puts her right forehoof forward for him. Smiling again, Alan takes her hoof in his hand, giving it a good shake.

"So, uh, this land doesn't happen to be named Avalon by any chance, does it?"

A nearby tan colored stallion steps forward, a mark shaped like an hourglass adorning his flanks "I'm afraid not, my good fellow. You're in a humble berg called Ponyville, in the land of Equestria." He smirks before adding "Lovely scarf by the way." Before Alan can comment, a pink blur tackles him to the ground, emitting a stream of words he barely manages to comprehend. 


"OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHImPinkiePiehellonewnotponythingguyIveneverseenanyponylikeyoubeforeyoureprettyneatlookingdoyoulikepartiescauseimgonnagiveyouthebestestbestwelcomingpartyever!"

"Hey, whoa whoa, I love parties, but next time could you rethink the bowling the new guy over part? I've got something of a bad knee."

"Whoopsie, sorries!" Pinkie responds, hopping off of him and somehow picking him up by the foot and setting him down upright before he has time to blink. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"No worries. Just, you know, be careful. Also, how did you do th... and she's just run off." Alan says the last few words realizing Pinkie has already bounced off at top speed, presumably to set up a party. 

"That's just Pinks being herself man. She's the town's resident party animal. Half the time, I'm making her parties bump."  Vinyl Scratch says before realizing her current situation, her features visibly drooping. "Or at least, I was till today."

"Why, what happened?" Alan asks.

"Well, you see, I kind of... well, blew up my pad when I was trying to invent a spell to make my beats more kickin. It worked a little too well. You see where your house is?" Alan looks behind him and nods. "Well, That's where my house used to be till a little before sunup today. The spell kind of exploded it. And almost all of my gear. All I got left is a box with a couple records, an amp, some wires, and a crappy headset. I've been outside all day in the cold picking up what's left."

Without hesitation, Alan takes off his hoodie and puts it on Vinyl's shoulders. "Then you must be pretty cold out here. I'll let you borrow this. As for the other things, I've got a pretty huge spare bedroom, and my brother left me a lot of his dj equipment after he... well, he left me his stuff. What do you say?"

"Dude, seriously? You don't even know me, and you're already giving me beat machines and a bed?" Vinyl cocks an eye at Alan. "Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. I had a bad day too, once." He says smiling. "Come with me, I'll show you the stuff. I just hope you can use it."





The citizens of Ponyville, long since used to weirdness, quickly went about their business once Alan had assured them he'd give out the answers they wanted of him at the party later. Shortly after figuring out there was no longer any electricity running through the house, Alan grabbed an electric lamp and guided Vinyl to the doorway down into the basement. "I assure you, I'm not leading you into some creepy BDSM dungeon where I plan to tie you up or anything. The place really needs a good coat of paint all over, so it just looks a little..."

"Like the den of a madpony who cuts off others' faces and puts them on his own?" Vinyl grinned, watching her step down the creaking steps.

"Bingo. And here we are. I really ought to see about getting the electricity hooked up. You guys do have that here, right? Please say yes." Alan grins while opening the door at the bottom of the basement steps. 

Vinyl laughs, answering "Of course dude, how do you think I've been spinning my tunes the whole time? Magic can do a lot, but nopony can keep a house lit all day without good old electricity." 

Hanging the lamp from a hook on the ceiling, Alan walks over to the pile of boxes his brother left him. "Good. I just hope I can work out a deal with the village's utilities department soon, or else I've got a lot of food that's about to go bad."  Sorting through the junk takes a while, and much of it is fairly heavy. "HERE we are. This should give you a good start." Alan says, setting aside a lengthy box which reads 'Access Virus KC' picturing a combination keyboard/synthboard.

Looking it over, Vinyl can't help but let loose a whistle. "Damn dude, this is some heavy duty stuff. This is the first thing you've pulled out for me and I already feel like I've been playing in the minor leagues. You said this belonged to your brother?"

Alan slows his search a bit, a memory coming to his mind briefly. "Yeah. He was super serious about his gear. Heh, he spent pretty much the entirety of his college tuition on getting his setup for being a bigtime techno musician." Alan stops for a moment before starting to pull out a dual spin table, groaning slightly with the weight. "This is only half of what he had. This stuff here was his spares. He... was mugged after a show. Bastards stabbed him and took off with his truck that had all his show gear in it." Alan looks down, taking a deep breath and swallowing the memory.

"Oh... Oh damn dude, I didn't mean to bring up such a bad memory." Vinyl slumps slightly, putting a comforting hoof on Alan's back. "I see what you mean by having a bad day once, now. Are you sure you want me to have all this?"

Alan smiles, turning around to look her in the eyes. "I'm certain. It's just taking up space down here, as it is. And I'm sure Steve wouldn't mind. Just promise me you'll watch your back after you do your shows from now on."

"Ponyville is as safe as a place can get, but I understand why you'd ask me, so yeah, I promise. It will still be at least a couple weeks before I have new music to play, but without what you've given me here, it would be months at the very least. I owe you a major solid. Or 100."

Alan smiles "Well, if you want, we could have a chat over some lunch made on the grill, tell me a little about the area. I think I've got everything I need to make a veggie kebab for you, and if I don't use it now, I've got a really awesome steak that won't last long without a fridge."

"You eat meat?" Vinyl says, cocking her head slightly as she looks at Alan dead on.

"Yeah, but I have a personal rule that I won't eat anything that can perform basic math." Alan chuckles a bit, then scratches his head. "That reminds me, I'd better go hook up my garage freezer to the camping generator I have. Why don't you see if there's anything else in this pile here you can use while I get our lunch started?" 

"Alright. Leave the light for me, k?"

"Sure. See you in a few." Alan says, tossing her a casual wave as he heads upstairs. 

Vinyl Scratch looks over the pile of equipment, smiling to herself. "I guess I lucked out today."


> Chapter 03 - Cultural Awareness
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 3


It wasn't long after till Vinyl Scratch had finished setting aside a pile of equipment to move into her room. Satisfied, she took a moment to poke around at the other things in the room. A photograph caught her eye. 



It seemed really old. Maybe even a hundred years old. Vinyl wasn't staring at it long when the sound of Alan clearing his throat caught her attention. "I'm about to start lunch. You got everything you need?"

"Yeah. Thanks again." Vinyl Scratch said, giving him a genuine smile before asking "Say, what's with this picture here? It looks really old," Pointing out the aforementioned photograph.

Stepping around the pile of musical equipment, Alan takes a look. "Oh that old thing. This was taken in Egypt in, gee, the early 1920's I want to say? Anyway, that fellow, riding the camel on the far right? That's my great-great-grandfather. He was one of those bored rich types who blew whole fortunes traveling the world. Family lore says he's doing something of a visual gag here. If you notice, he's holding a cigarette in his left hand. Supposedly, his favorite brand of cigs was camel, so he was smoking a camel while riding a camel."

Vinyl chuckled a bit "That's a pretty bad pun to be traveling the world for."

"Bad puns run pretty rampant in my mom's side of the family. Even the great depression killing their fortunes didn't get rid of that."

"What's so great about a depression?"

Alan paused then gave a hearty laugh. "Oh... Oh, that's a good one. I'll tell you since I already brought it up. A few years after this picture was taken, there was a stock market crash that pretty much killed any value paper money had. Add on top of that the fact that a large portion of America's farm areas suffered a massive drought and soil erosion so bad, the sky choked with dust for years, and it adds up to a global depression that can only be called great."

"That sucks."

"Yeah, it did. It sucked so bad, it took a war to get us out of it."





The two talked about Earth's Second World War era while getting stuff from lunch. Alan took a moment to transfer the savable items from his fridge into the freezer in the garage, before continuing outside with what was soon to be lunch.

"Remind me again why we're having a BBQ outside?" Vinyl asks, rubbing her cheeks in the chill, though thankfully calm outdoors.

"It's an excuse to be near fire." Alan replied simply.

"Good enough for me."

Starting the grill took only a minute, and by the time he had a good fire going, Alan had already cut up a good-sized zucchini, a couple tomatoes, some onions, mushrooms, and a bell pepper and stuck them on a pair of skewers.  "There. Now just to add the oil, salt, and pepper mix." He began whistling a wordless tune while applying the mixture to the kebab poles with a small brush, then set them on the grill. "And now for the chef's meal," Alan said with a chuckle, slapping a sauce-covered slab of beef on the grill before closing the lid.

"Man, that sure looks good. What'd you say that first thing was? A kebab?" Vinyl Scratch asks, huddling close to the grill with Alan for warmth.

"Shish Kebab, yeah. Usually, they're made with various meats, but you can cook veggies or even some fruits the same way. Plus, the skewer makes it easy to eat. Just remember to let it cool off first."





"Mmh... oh man.. this is great!" says Vinyl Scratch, muffled slightly by the food in her mouth. "We gotta do this again sometime. '-chomp-smack-' mmhh mh You ever make this before?"

"Nah, I made a guess. I'm not really big on veggies, but I had some stuff left over from a catering gig I helped out with last week. They dumped all of the leftovers on me, since I was the only guy who showed up for the promise of free food. Really saved my ass, too, I was starting to have to chose between having a ride or having food in my mouth."

"That steak from the catering gig, too?"

"Sort of. I bought this with what they paid me. A man needs his meat, though I suppose it may be harder to get now. I don't suppose many ponies eat meat all that regularly," Alan chuckles a bit while cutting off a largeish chunk of meat.

"Not many, but some ponies who hang out with dragons or griffons a lot do it." Vinyl says, having just finished off her meal. "I'll try anything once. Well, within reason."

Alan gives Vinyl a sideways look before shaking his head. "Unicorns and pegasi live here. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised about dragons and griffons. "

"We actually have a dragon living with the town librarian. He's her assistant, and she happens to be something of a celebrity around here. One of the Elements of Harmony, actually. I don't know the -exact- details, but the Elements are like having a 'get out of jail free' card when some big world-ending event comes around." Vinyl covers her mouth for a muffled belch before continuing. "I wouldn't be surprised if Twilight Sparkle, the librarian, came by to visit you sometime soon. On top of being a hero and a celebrity, she's also Princess Celestia's protege. The princess doesn't just pick anyone to be her protege, mind you, so Twilight's got the talent to back it all up."

Alan pauses, mid-cut "Do world-ending events happen here often? Should I invest in acts of mad gods insurance?"

"Well, weird stuff has a habit of happening here in Ponyville. Last year, Nightmare Moon stopped the sun from rising during the Summer Sun festival. Turns out, she was Celestia's long absent sister, Luna, and had contracted a case of the megalomania before being locked in the moon a thousand years ago. The Elements knocked that right out of her."

"A thousand years?!" Alan says in shock. "Just how long have the princesses been around?"

"Nopony really knows, and nopony's tactless enough to ask a princess how old she is. Except maybe Celestia's nephew, Blueblood. I hear he's the crown prince of plotholes."

Alan pauses, then blinks at the comment "Erm... plotholes? Is this some sort of slang barrier I'm hitting here?" 

Vinyl chuckles and lifts a hoof to her temple, attempting to sound like a stuck up teacher. "Ahem, the word 'plot' has been used since time immemorial to describe the posterior of the pony species. The princess Celestia claims to have first used the phrase herself. According to her, when asked why she had subscribed to a particular adult magazine focusing on the flank, Celestia replied 'I read it for the plot."

"So then a plothole must be-"

"Exactly what it sounds like." Vinyl finished, still using her phony teacher's act.

The two remained silent for a few moments, Vinyl Scratch simply enjoying the feeling of a full stomach and a warm fire, while Alan sat and finished off his steak. The sight of a bouncing patch of pink coloration caught Alan's eye. Standing, he waves at the happily humming Pinkie Pie, trying to get her attention. "Hey! Hey Pinkie, I got a question."

Before he could blink, Pinkie's voice came from right behind him. "Hello again!"

"-GAH! You spooked me." Alan says, his hand covering his heart. "Hey, listen, you're doing that welcoming party for me later, right?"

"Yuppers! It will be superawesometastic!"

"Well, I have a couple ideas. First, I'd like a little session beforehand to answer any questions about me or my world the townsfolk may have before the thing gets started. We could have it in the form of everyone writing down their anonymous questions and putting them into a box for me to reach into. And second..." Alan bends down to whisper something in Pinkie's ear. 

"Okie-dokie-lokie! That sounds superfun! Can I borrow it for another party sometime?" Pinkie asks, a large grin plastered on her face.

"Sure, just make sure to ask me beforehand. Oh, and make sure to keep it covered with the tarp for now. I want it to be a surprise." 

"Oh! I love surprises, and I just know everypony there is going to love this one too!" Pinke exclaims while bouncing in place. "Is there anything else?"

"Nope. Just do whatever it is party-obsessed pink ponies do to have fun till then."

Pinkie suddenly stands rigid on her hind legs, giving a snap salute. "Aye aye, captain!" she says before bouncing off again, humming yet another tune.

Alan watches her leave for a moment before chuckling to himself. "Well she's sure an interesting one."
> Chapter 04 - A Time For Levity
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 4



With lunch over, Alan and Vinyl Scratch sit idly in front of the still nice and toasty grill, idly chatting about the differences in Equestrian and Earth technology. "So, for the most part, there's little difference, just less of it?"

"Pretty much, yeah. We might be a little behind simply because we like to have more social interaction it looks like."

"So, watching movies and playing video games at home isn't as big of a thing here, then?"

"Not really, no. But for me, I wouldn't actually mind having a couple favorites I could just watch on an off day."

Alan smiles, rubbing his hands together slightly as an idea pops into his head. "Say, how much time do you think we have till Pinkie's party?"

"Well, the party she already had planned for today was gonna start at 6, and It's just past 2 right now." Vinyl answers, idly scratching behind her ear. Her answer elicits a grin from Alan.

"How about I introduce you to a classic comedy then?"

"I thought your power was out?"

"Oh, it is," Alan says "but that hardly means I'm powerless. Ever hear of a portable DVD player?"

"Portable? So, we could... watch it out here by the fire?"

"Bingo. Give me a couple minutes. I'll be right back." With a spring in his step, Alan hops off his bench and walks back inside. The sound of some rustling boxes followed Alan's trip into the living room, with him soon enough coming back outside with a small silver player, and a box containing one of his favorite movies.

"So, what are we gonna watch?" Vinyl says, looking at Alan curiously while he fiddles with the player.

"A classic comedy. The Producers, the first movie Mel Brooks ever directed. Remember when we talked about WWII and Hitler and all that?" Vinyl nods in response. "Well, the surest way to truly defeat the memory of evil is to turn it into a joke. Brooks hit that on the head with this movie."





An hour and a half later, the two of them have caught the attention of half of the neighbors with their laughter, a couple of them even sticking around to watch the tiny screen with them. "Spriiiingtime for Hitlerrr and Germanyyyy" Alan begins singing. 

By this point, Vinyl Scratch is pounding on the table, laughing. "Oh... oh... oh Celestia, stop stop, I caHAHAHHA I can't breathe!" Taking a deep breath, Vinyl tries to calm herself, only to catch Alan's eye and start laughing again.

"I told you it was a classic. Just so you know, though, Kennith Mars does about the worst fake German accent I've ever heard. Not that it didn't make him any less funny."

"Often the furher, he would say to me, Franz.... ow." Vinyl says, doing a dead-on impersonation, before the both of them break into another fit of giggles. Finally calming down, Vinyl smiles a sincere smile. "Man, though, I think you were right. About that defeating the memory of evil thing. Maybe that's something I should write Princess Celestia about."

Alan cocks his head to look at her slightly. "Is that something she'd need to know?"

"Well, the thing is, while a lot of ponies feel like the princesses are above a lot of our troubles, Princess Celestia encourages us to write her about interpersonal discoveries. In this case, I think it may help both of the princesses. Remember me talking about Nightmare Moon having been Princess Luna all along?" Alan nods his response "Well, I think if somepony made something like that Springtime for Hitler play about what happened a thousand years ago, maybe it would help to clear up any bad feelings left behind. I mean, Celestia was ready, and I mean READY to forgive her sister as soon as she came back. But Luna has only finally been herself since she came back."

"You sound like you know what Princess Luna would be feeling on the subject." 

"Well, she won't straight out say how she feels on the matter, but she comes to parties I spin at a lot, so we've gotten to know one another on a friendly basis. Calls me her favorite student of the night." Vinyl chuckles a bit at the title. "Anyway, we didn't chat about the subject much, but I definitely got the feeling she still feels pretty raw about the whole thing. Mostly about how she herself acted."

"I see. So, you think maybe something like that could help her, I dunno, forgive herself?"

"Right on the nose, dude." Vinyl smiles.





Two and a half hours, some plotting, and some more movie watching later, Vinyl Scratch and Alan find themselves outside of the town square meeting hall among the multicolored throng of ponies streaming inside. Upon reaching the door, an unmistakable voice cries out.

"Hey everypony! It's the guests of the hour!" Pinkie Pie shouts, waving underneath a banner reading "Welcome to the 'Sorry your house blew up, feel better soon, Vinyl Scratch/Welcome to Ponyville, Alan Ryves party and questionnaire!" All eyes in the room follow the pair in question, giving Alan an unfamiliar feeling of being stuck in the spotlight.

Straightening himself up, Alan shakes the feeling by giving a slight chuckle "This is a pretty nice welcome. I'd like to start this off by saying that Vinyl's not going to be homeless anytime soon. She's staying under my roof, since I have the spare space."

"Also, I've promised to lessen my use of spells that could potentially blow up the house around me, since it's no longer my house I'm staying in. Alan's already proved to me he's the kind of guy Ponyville needs more of. Well, Ponyville needs more guys, PERIOD. Am I right girls?" Vinyl's joke gets most of the room roaring. Alan just now seems to notice the odd ratio of mares to stallions in the room himself, tucking the thought away for later.

After grabbing some of the food set out, Vinyl Scratch takes a seat on the front row, while Alan takes the stage behind a podium. Next to him is Pinkie Pie hovering over a box stuffed with questions filled out by the audience. As if realizing something, Alan calls out "Oh before I begin, whom must I talk to about getting the utilities turned on at my place?"

"That would be me." Spoke a dignified voice "But you needn't worry yourself about it too hard. I'll make sure to have a work crew out to you by noon tomorrow. As well, you need not worry about payment either. Just make sure to do something nice for the community, and we'll call it even."

"Ah, thank you, err"

"Mayor Mare." The tan pony spoke before sitting back down again.

"Well, thank you Mayor Mare, let's all have a round of applause for such a magnanimous official." Alan spoke, leading a round of applause. The crowd eventually settles down, and Alan nods to Pinkie.

"It's time for TWENTY QUESTIONS, with our host Alan Ryves, and his lovely assistant, Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie shouts aloud, once again setting the crowd alight with applause.

"Alright, miss Pie, our first question, if you please?"

"Okie-dokie, lokie!" Pinkie says with a smile, before digging into the question box and pulling out the first piece of paper. "First question is: what is your family like?"


"Ouch, first question and I'm already hit with a stinger. Well, I'm sad to say, I don't have much family left. I don't mean to be a downer, but you asked." Alan closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath to calm himself. "I had a brother and still have a sister, but she's a, well, mental invalid who's now in the care of the state of Texas, and my brother died late last year. My mother committed suicide after my sister was born. My dad died 6 months ago, after having been hit by a drunk driver." The crowd seems to quiet down significantly, the sound of a few whispered word of sympathy can be heard. "Don't worry about me, though. I've already dealt with the emotional baggage. Just show me a few more smiling faces and I'll be fine." Alan adds with the shadow of a grin on his face. "Next question please, Pinkie?" he says after a moment's pause.

"Okay! humm..... Here! 'What is your favorite music?" Alan pretends not to notice the smile light up Vinyl Scratch's face.

"A tough question, but a fun kind of tough. Well, I listen to a lot of different stuff really, and I'll give anything a try. That said, I tend to listen to a lot of electronic music. Techno and house and the like. I also listen to a lot of heavy metal, and also some classic rock. Recently, I started listening to a little rap."

After a moment, Pinkie takes another question out of the box "What is your favorite kind of birthday cake?"

Alan casts a sidelong glance at the pink earth pony, and chuckles "Was this your question?"

"Yuppers!"

"This one actually took me a long time to really figure out, but, eventually I realized I liked red velvet cake the best." Alan smiles. "But you know, while we're on the subject of baked goods, my absolute favorite pie is this one my grandma made. Coconut custard pie, with this meringue topping that was covered in coconut shavings. It was always the star attraction of any meal we had with grandma. This pie was so good, you had to stop everything to consider just how amazing the pie tasted. I still have grandma's instructions on how to make it in my kitchen." Alan chuckles, recalling "A note she wrote on the sidebar says 'If you're too cheap to buy real butter, don't bother making this!" A few more giggles erupt from the audience. By this point, Alan notices half of the audience salivating uncontrollably, so he clears his throat and gives an unsure "Next, please, miss Pie?"

"Huh? OH, right!" Pinkie says, taking a moment to wipe the drool from her chin before pulling out another card. "Oh, this must be Rarity's question. 'What are the clothing fashions at home like?"

"Wow, I'm the wrong dude to answer that one. I mean, I've got a few books with historical depictions of the things people used to wear in ancient times, but that's mostly a primer to a history course." Alan pauses to take a drink of water. "But, I'll answer as best as I can. First, let me start with the observation that ponies don't wear much in the way of clothes, probably because you have that coat of short fur on your bodies. Humans don't have that, so we wear clothing more or less all the time, except, of course for things like bathing or, ahem, primal mating rituals." a loud bark of a laugh can be heard from both Vinyl Scratch and a rainbow-maned pegasus mare in the front row at this comment. "There's a few nudist camps that popped up in the last century or so, but those are guaranteed to be located somewhere warm. As for me, a cotton t-shirt, denim pants, some cotton underwear, and a sturdy pair of shoes to keep rocks from cutting my feet are all I need, weather permitting."

Taking another sip of water, Alan looks over at the back of the room to the rather large surprise he had Pinkie Pie wheel in, thinking to himself for a moment before saying "How about we do one more question then take a break to stretch our legs and catch some food our gracious host has provided?"

Pinkie Pie smiles and nods, before pulling out one last card from the box. "What is magic like on planet dirt?"

"Heh, I see someone remembered my joke from earlier. Well, on Earth, magic is so rare, that it is thought to not exist at all. Physics became the prevailing science after alchemists and wizards and the like just started either disappearing or came up as frauds. The only evidence I have ever seen to prove magic is real on Earth brought me here, and honestly, I've still got no idea how in the heck it worked."

The sound of someone clearing their throat from the entryway caught everyone's attention. "Perhaps I can answer that question" Spoke a strange, tall, pale and white-haired man.
> Chapter 05 - Goodfellow
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 5


Right away one feature stuck out for Alan about this newcomer: Long, pointed, and most definitely inhuman ears peeked from underneath this stranger's snow white locks. He was thin, and pale, and his features and mannerisms spoke of mirth and laughter. He spoke, in a slightly nasally, though upbeat voice "I hope you'll forgive me for barging in uninvited, it was too late to RSVP."

"That's fine! The more the merrier!" Pinkie Pie said with a smile.

"Oh, a mare after my own heart." the pale stranger says melodramatically with his hand over his chest, quickly turning the gesture into a sweeping bow. "The name is Puck, dear audience. I come from the land of Avalon, a pocket dimension sandwiched between this realm and Earth."

Alan cocks his head slightly in realization and says "Wait... Puck... as in 'And those things do best please me, That do befall preposterously' Puck?"

"Oh! You've seen Billy the drunkard's play, then. Joy. He couldn't even keep my false name right for more than a single act. Robin Goodfellow, indeed." Puck says with a sour face.

Vinyl Scratch whispers up to Alan, with a confused look. "What's all this about a play?"

"Well, about sometime 500 years ago or so, a playwright named William Shakespeare wrote a play called 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' which, it seems, was based on real events, and Puck here is a central character therein."

"Not all of it, thankfully. I'll leave it up to you to guess what parts of it were drunken foolery on the part of the writer." Puck says with a shrug.

"Ok, so, with that out of the way, you have some information for me? About how I was able to get Merlin's magic to work?"

"Right right." Puck says, hopping up on stage and pulling a chair out of a tiny bag on his belt. "You may want to sit down, too, mister Ryves, some of what I'm about to tell you is going to stick in your throat a bit. I promise I'll make it up to you, though."

Alan takes a seat next to Vinyl Scratch "Ready when you are."

"Well, quite bluntly, three thousand years ago during the rule of the vile Queen Mab, some children of Avalon fled the island. Some came to Earth and mingled quite vigorously with the population. Your father, and by extension you yourself, mister Ryves, are descended from those refugees. Merlin was the same."

"Alright, so where's the bad part of this?"

"Well, some of the fae blooded, let's call them, are more magically active, even on a subconscious level, than others. As well, each of the fae have a hmm... conceptual element we draw power from. Your father's was luck. Had be been conscious of the fact, he could have controlled from whom or what he took luck from. For sleepwalking fae blooded, a happy life is often hard to obtain, I'm afraid."

"Then my brother? And my sister?" Alan says aloud

"Your brother, yes. Your sister, no. the unborn have no conceptual energy which can be used. I'm afraid she, and by extension your mother's suicide, are the result of just genuine bad luck." Puck replies with a pained smile.

"Oh. I see." Alan says, visibly sinking into his chair a bit while Vinyl Scratch pats him on the shoulder.

"Normally, by decree of King Oberon, fae are not allowed to meddle with the lives of our wayward cousins, except in the case that one of you actually manages to discover how to use magic, thus why I am here. Tell me, have you ever noticed strange things in your surroundings? Places you frequent having anything odd about them after a while?"

Without thinking Alan replies "The clocks in my room. No matter how often I set them, replace them or fix them, they will always read two minutes slower than any other clock in the house."

"Even ones that should have been connected to that radio broadcast atomic clock, correct?" to which Alan nods in reply. "Well, this is a wonderful surprise. Your conceptual energy is time, my dear boy. A rare and fun gift, for those with a mind to deal with it. Now, think of the conceptual energy like you would, well, a pile of batteries you've been hoarding. You can use them to power pretty much any spell you'll find in Merlin's book, which it's self should be an excellent guide should you decide to further your understanding of fae magic. Fae blooded attempting to work magic related with their concept have an easier time of it than any other would, even allowing you to perform feats like slowing down or even stopping time for short bursts. Oberon tells me stopping time is very tiring the longer you do it."

"So in summary, I can do magic, and it's powered by the concept of time? Could I gather more energy faster by having more clocks around me?"

"You ARE a sharp one, mister Ryves. It does indeed work that way. Had your father not been a sleepwalker, he could have powered himself with a bunch of horseshoes or rabbit's feet." Puck finished his sentence just in time for the sound of a phone to ring in his pocket one time. "Oh, it's the big man himself."

Puck knocks twice in the air, as if knocking on a door, which creates a seemingly two-dimensional door in thin air. "I hate to cut and run, but I have business I need to do. Keep your phone charged, mister Ryves, you've got my number now if you need me. Ciao!" He finishes with a wave and steps into the other side, the door disappearing behind him.

A look of confusion crosses Alan's face for a moment before he pulls out his cell phone from his pocket. Sure enough, a contact named "P[H]UCK" is there, with garbled, unreadable runes instead of numbers. "Well I'll be damned."

"So, uh, are we gonna have this party or what?" says some stallion from the crowd after a brief moment of silence. Alan stands, and addresses the crowd.

"Indeed we shall! But first, I'd like to introduce you to what's under the tarp. Pinkie! If you will please, plug it in and show it off."

Already on it in the side of the room just past the party food, Pinkie Pie pulls off a tarp in a single move, revealing a large, flashy arcade machine with a marquee reading 'Dance Dance Revolution 5th MIX.' 

"There she is, folks. I won this a month after my father passed in a lottery at a local arcade. What we have here is a genuine DDR machine from Japan, built for two players to square off and show off their ability to dance to a beat. Who wants to give it a try?"

Almost before he could finish his sentence, Rainbow Dash pops up from her seat "I am totally ready!"

Moments later, almost the entire room is crowded around the machine, with Rainbow Dash on one set of pads and Alan on the other. "Just look at the top of the screen to see what you need to hit next. The hardest part for me at first was keeping it straight which feet I used for which arrows."

"I've got no problems there." Dash replies with a grin.

"Right, do you want to pick the first song, or shall I?"

"You do it. Pick your favorite, I want to see how I do against your best!"

"Lupin the Third  it is, then."




Several sets later, Alan is sweating heavily, downing a large glass of water, while Rainbow Dash is showing off for the crowd. "She is good. Freaking beat me at my favorite song on her first go."

"That's Rainbow Dash for you. Turn something into a competition and suddenly you have her interest." says a purple unicorn looking on at the spectacle of RD and Pinkie Pie facing off. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, by the way. I'm the town's librarian."

"Oh, I've heard of you from Vinyl Scratch. She said you're something of a local hero." Alan says, putting his hand forward to shake her hoof.

"Well, I really don't like to brag about it, but my friends and myself have done some things in the last year which could be considered to be heroic."

"Say, I'd like to drop off a few books tomorrow. Mostly a couple of my mother's old biology books I still have hanging around. Also, a set of graphic novels I'm done with."

The idea of new books to read lights up the purple mare's features "Are you sure you just want to donate them? I can make copies with magic if you'd like."

"Hmm, the comics you can copy. I don't know when I'll ever need to know what's in a teacher's biology book from 15 years ago, so you can just have those. But, if you can make copies, I'll bring along some other stuff, too. I've got my grandfather's Encyclopedia Britannica set, which is a giant collection of Earth's knowledge dating back some 40 years ago or so."

"Oooh, that sounds wonderful! I'll have to make a little room for a section of new Earth books I get from you. I bet everypony will be very interested in the place you come from for the next couple months."

"Remind me to show you Cosmos sometime. It was originally a book by a famous Earth scientist whom later got it turned into a television series. Really great one, too. Carl Sagan managed to explain really difficult subjects in a way anyone could understand, and he did it in a way in which you didn't feel like you were a child being talked to."

"That sounds like fun. I'll come by your place the day after tomorrow to take you up on that offer, if you don't mind."

"Sure"

The crowd around the arcade machine roars again, as Pinkie and Dash are still at it, neither being able to decisively beat the other at a game seemingly made for either of them.

"I'd better make sure my friends don't wear themselves out too much. I'll see you around, Alan." Twilight says before walking to her friends.





A couple hours later, and the party has wound down. Alan asked Pinkie to make sure the dance machine gets back to his house sometime after everyone has had some good rest. Vinyl Scratch walks alongside Alan with a smile. "Man, that machine was a total blast. I can see that being a big hit here, with as much parties as Pinkie throws."

Alan laughs a bit "Yeah. I just hope I can keep it in good enough condition. I like to work with my hands a lot on just, you know, kinda random jobs. The real reason the arcade was raffling off that machine was because the entire player 1 side was not registering, and they were too cheap to get someone to fix it. So guess who DID fix it?"

"You? Really?"

"Yup. I went into that arcade a week later with the biggest shit-eating grin. The owner knew right then I'd managed to get it done, and tried getting it back from me."

"Hahaha, wow, what a joke." Vinyl laughs. After a moment Vinyl gives Alan a grin "So, I saw you chatting up Twilight Sparkle back there. Got a hot date planned, stud?" 

"Ahhh-hehehe, n-no, nothing like that."Alan says with a nervous chuckle. "I was just.. uhm.. inviting her over to watch some tv with me."

"Yeah, that's not much of a date."  

The two travel the rest of the way in silence before finding themselves in front of Alan's door. "Hey Alan, can I tell you something?" Vinyl says pensively, looking away for a second while Alan unlocks and opens the front door.

"Yeah?"

"Uhm, come over here, I want to whisper it to you."

Alan pauses with an arched brow for a moment before bringing his ear down to Vinyl's mouth. Suddenly, he finds a pair of white forelegs wrapped around his neck in a tight embrace.

"Nice guys like you shouldn't have bad days." Vinyl says with her cheek pressed against his before landing a peck on the same cheek. Without another word, Vinyl trots upstairs to her room, leaving a stunned Alan in the doorway.
	
> First Interlude: Journals and stray thoughts
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Journal of Alan Ryves, first night after exodus 

Where do I start? In the last twenty four hours I've learned incredible things about the way the universe works.

Magic is real.
The Fae of Shakespeare's writings are real.
I am one of their descendents.
And lastly, there exists a world in which the primary sapient life form is pastel-colored talking ponies.

My brain is literally full of fuck.

I guess I'll start with a summary. I picked up a book in the library the other day, this strange leather-bound volume written by someone claiming to be Merlin Ambrosius. The weird thing is, it kind of fell off the shelf from behind me while I was using one of the computers there. Anyway, it was half journal, and half spellbook, with one of the last entries being for a spell that was supposed to take me to Avalon.

I'm not sure if I did it wrong, or if perhaps some outside force shunted me here, but I ended up in a place called Equestria, inhabited by the afore-mentioned ponies. They're about a head and a half shorter than me on average, and there's more than just the bog standard earthbound types. Pegasi live in cities in the FUCKING SKY and unicorns are born being able to learn magic as easy as a human learns math. Looks like the ones that keep at it can do some really amazing stuff as well. 

I wonder who the unicorn equivalent to Einstein is here?

Anyway, the first one I met was this unicorn mare named Vinyl Scratch (geez, what's with these names?)  who told me she blew up her house earlier in the day, and my house appeared where hers had been. I figure, "what the hell, I have space" and let her stay here. She's fun, enjoys a good laugh, makes some decent music, and is pretty chill to hang out with. Far better than other room mates I've had before. 

The second pony I met was this pink blur appropriately named Pinkie Pie. She kinda tackled me and then invited me to a party. I wish that was something that had happened more often on Earth.

By that point, I was starting to gather a crowd. A big one. I can talk when I'm prepared, but it was getting scary, just a bit.  I managed to convince the crowd to back off by telling them I'd answer their questions at Pinkie's party later. 

Vinyl and me derped around in the basement going through my brother's old audio equipment, since she had kind of blown hers up with her house. She seemed rather pleased with what she got. I'm just glad it's not collecting dust anymore, and I know Steve would rather it be given to someone deserving than just be sold off. I still wonder if those assholes who stabbed him will ever get caught?

Anyway we ate, watched some movies, laughed (Vinyl has a great laugh when she really gets going) and headed over to the party. I was mentally prepared this time, and I managed to not make a total ass of myself. Right when I was wrapping up the Q&A, this... I don't even know how to fucking describe the guy. But it was PUCK!

And goddamn, Puck tells me I've got fairy blood! And I can do magic! And I can do shit with TIME! Except of course, I still have to learn how. If I ever get the chance to really use it, I hope there's a steamroller nearby I can use to drop on somebody during my timestop. (ZA WARUDO)

So, after that, Puck puts his number in my phone and just leaves. Thanks, douchebag, it's not like I didn't have any more questions I needed answers for, like how in the fuck a spell designed to get me to Avalon takes me to magical fucking ponyland. It's not that I mind it here, it's just that unknown really bugs me.

Oh, I finally got a use out of that DDR machine I won a while back! And had my ass promptly handed to me on it by this blue pegasus. Rainbow Dash, I think her friend said her name was? She pretty much schooled the entire town it looked like.

I'm still reeling in my thoughts on everything that's happened today. This is a lot to take in. Writing it down seems to make it easier to piece together. Though, I'm still kind of

I had

I got kissed by Vinyl Scratch. A peck on the cheek, but still. 


I'm glad I gave up on Earth. 
> Chapter 06 - A day in the life
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 6



Alan Ryves was by no means a morning person. When given the choice between waking up at the same time as most people, or sleeping in his warm, and very comfortable bed, it's easy to think of him as nocturnal. However, of the myriad things that one might attempt to rouse him from slumber, the smell of breakfast cooking was a surefire way to get his attention. In his half-awake state, he rose out of bed with a goofy smile on his face. Halfway down the stairs to the kitchen, his brain turned on with the thought how is someone cooking without the gas on? 

Now more awake with that thought, Alan picked up the pace to the kitchen, sliding slightly as he rounded the corner to the doorway.

"Oh hey man. You're awake. I hope you don't mind, I used the last of your eggs for breakfast. I woke up starving for some reason" Said Vinyl Scratch with a half-lidded smile, her horn alight with the same pale blue glow surrounding the frying pan that was floating in front of her. "How do you like your eggs?"

"Uhm.. sunny side up, if you can. How.. uh are you cooking with the gas off?"

"Little spell I learned a while back. One of the few I really memorized. Heats up a pan in no time and is pretty easy to maintain. A girl's gotta eat."

With little ceremony and nary a word, the two ravenously dug in to their eggs, decimating them in no time. As Alan was raising the last forkfull of egg to his mouth, there was a sharp knock at the front door, causing him to jump at the sound. "Shit. I hope that's the utilities crew, cause I just ran out of shirts to wear." he grumbled while standing up and attempting to wipe the oily egg stain from his formerly white shirt.

"I'll get the dishes" Vinyl shouted after him before quietly adding "Oh.. right, water's off," with a facehoof.





Two hours later, Vinyl Scratch was in her room, having managed to get the dishes clean, and now having hooked up her new equipment and checked to make sure everything worked. The things Alan had given her were all like new, so there had been no problem. No problem, save one.

"Fuck... I can't think of anything to write," she said while lazily tapping a key with her hoof. To Vinyl Scratch, this was the worst possible thing. Creativity was supposed to be one of her strong points, but now, even with a giant set of new experience pushed on her to draw inspiration from, nothing comes. With a grumble, she removed her headphones, setting them down slowly, and sighs. "I wonder what Alan's up to? I may as well check in on him anyway," she said, shutting off her equipment for now. Her eyes linger for a moment on her shattered shades, accompanied with a frown, before opening her door. 

As Vinyl began walking downstairs, she heard something very peculiar to her: the sound of someone talking in a language she couldn't identify. Rounding the corner of the stairwell, she finds Alan laid back on the couch in the living room, watching an animated scene with several characters talking in that language she still couldn't identify. In the scene, a large red-maned man is sitting on the ground, sharing wine with a man in golden armor, and a woman in silver and blue armor.

"Heya Vinyl." Alan said in the way of a greeting, not turning away from the screen.

"Heya, two legs. What's this?" Vinyl asks, slipping onto the couch beside him.

"Fate/Zero. I'd downloaded this show forever ago, but haven't had the time to watch more of it. It's about a war among seven mages and their summoned heroic Servant spirits in which the goal is to obtain a wish-granting mac guffin."

"What language are they speaking? I've never heard this before."

"Japanese. It's from a small island nation back on Earth."

"Is this show any good?"

"Well, I like to think so. It's certainly better than the one it's a prequel of." After a few more minutes of on-screen conversation and a fantastic action sequence where the big red guy completely devastated a group of eavesdropping assassins via summoning them onto a Greek battleground, complete with red's loyal Greek legions, Alan speaks up. "Damn, Iskandar is a badass."

"Whoa" is the only word Vinyl Scratch can seem to muster for a moment. "You know, I heard some egghead once try to explain a concept a lot like a reality marble. I didn't listen too hard, but if it led to things like being able to summon an army out of nowhere..."

"Heh. I'm not sure if I liked Iskander's better, or the Unlimited Bladeworks that Archer from Stay Night used."

"Unlimited Bladeworks?"

"Unlimited Bladeworks didn't just create a world full of swords. It created a world full of copies of legendary weapons, including lesser versions of powers they supposedly had. It was pretty much the perfect counter to Gi-WHUPS, almost said too much plot stuff." Alan said, slapping his forehead a bit. "I hate having stuff spoiled for me, but it's kind of hard to stop myself when I get talking."

"So, is Stay Night the show that this one happens before?" Vinyl asks.

"That's another story. Originally, Fate/Stay Night was what's known as a visual novel. Sort of like a choose your own adventure novel with accompanying music, pictures, and in some, voiced dialogue. Later on, it was made into a show by the same name. That one was, well. Not so good. Music was lacking, the voice acting was stiff as hell, and the animation budget looked like it was mostly blown on a few of the later episodes and the opening credits sequence. Also, the sex scenes were all cut out."

"Wow, lame," Vinyl deadpanned in response before realizing something else he said "Wait, sex scenes?" 

"Yeah, those happen in vn's. The best ones manage to make it feel like you're not even watching porn." Alan says, feeling his face heat up a bit due to the current topic. "Uhm, If you're interested in it, I've got several visual novels and games on the network in this house. I can show you how to get to them from Steve's computer, in your room."	

"I may take you up on that some time." Vinyl Scratch says before stepping off of the couch and stretching her limbs a bit. "So any plans for today?"

Alan inwardly breathes a sigh of relief at the change of topic. "Only thing I've got figured is handing off some books to Twilight Sparkle to copy. She seemed pretty happy about getting books from another world." Alan said with a slight smile. "I've got a lot of different subjects, to boot. Sometimes I would head down to the local used books store and plunk down some cash on a random volume which caught my eye." He said, motioning his hand torwards the book case which dominated one corner of the living room.

"What sort of random stuff?" Vinyl asks while looking at some of the titles here and there. 

"Oh, you know. One or two volumes about and by famous psychologists, a weapons manual for Walther and Mauser firearms companies' handguns, books on learning Japanese and sign language, tons and tons of comics, a few blacksmithing manuals, some artbooks for comics or video games I liked the art style of, as much of Hunter S. Thompson's writings as I could get a hold of, a couple of modern poetry books from 50 years ago, a collection of horror writer H.P.Lovecraft's best works. Things like that. Oh, and of course, my collection of role playing game books." Alan says with a smile before adding "I've got the entire revised edition line of white wolf's world of darkness series games. That shit took forever. I had to watch 4 different used books stores like a hawk to get all those."

"That's some dedication, man. Why that particular set, though?" Vinyl asks, turning a hardbound game book in her hoof.

"I was unhappy with the reboot of the world of darkness line that came after revised edition, is all. So as people dumped off their older editions for the new line, I snatched them up."

"I see. Hey, I'm feeling a little bored, do you need any help getting your books to the library?" Vinyl Scratch asks with a slight amount of hopefulness.

"Oh man, could you? That would be a gigantic help. It's a pain in the ass for me to haul much of anything for a long distance ever since I had that bone spur growth that shredded up my knee cap's cartilage."

"Ouch. Did it hurt?" Vinyl asks with some concern in her voice.

"Only when it made me fall on my face. My doctor did what he could to tidy up in there, but cartilage just doesn't grow back that easy." Alan says, before standing up and stretching a bit, eliciting the sound of pops from various joints. "I'll need you help getting my ride out of the basement, first. I have a chain and pulley elevator I use to take stuff between the garage and basement."

"It was that thing that looked like a beefy bicycle, right?"

"Yup. That's my Haley Davidson model WLA, first produced over 70 years ago. The A stands for army. I helped dad rebuild that thing for years while he scoured around for parts. Had to fabricate a few parts on my own, too. We decided to keep the bullet holes in the sidecar as sort of a memorial to whomever rode in it last."

Vinyl Scratch looks at him with a smile "You're one handy guy to have around. I bet you could make a good amount of money playing Mr.Fixit to the town."

"I coulda done that on Earth, too, but everyone wants some piece of paper saying I'm certified to do it."

"You should have just pointed at your bike and been all 'This is my certification. I built this." said Vinyl Scratch while waving her hoof about, getting a snicker out of Alan.

"Anyway, we'll have to pull the bike up first, then the sidecar separately. Hope you don't mind holding the light for me while I bend over and grunt for half an hour."

The sound of Vinyl Scratch's laughter trailed behind the two as they descended the stairs to the basement.




The feeling of the wind running through her mane at such speed was new to Vinyl. Sitting behind Alan and wearing a pair of goggles to keep the wind out of her eyes, she held onto his midsection tightly. "Man, this thing is AWESOME. It's also really loud." she said, shouting over the sound of the engine.

"It just needs a little tune-up is all." Alan shouts back. After a moment, Alan shouts back again "Are we getting close yet?"

Vinyl points at a large tree up ahead with her hoof "It's that house tree up ahead. Can't miss it."

To Alan's surprise, it was INDEED a house built into a tree that dominated this particular area. Alan wondered idly if it was some relative of the giant sequoia tree back home. Pulling to a full stop a few feet away, Alan sets down the kickstand and turns the ignition off. Before he finished removing his helmet, a spooked Twilight Sparkle bursts through her front door, horn alight, looking around to find what could have possibly caused so much noise. "WHO, WHAT, IS IT DRAGONS?"

Alan and Vinyl share a look before breaking into laughter. "Oh man, I'm so sorry if I interrupted anything. I felt like taking my bike up here for a ride."

Before Twilight can open her mouth, the front door of her house once again bursts open with a purple and green blur rushing up to Twilight's side. "IS IT DRAGONS?" asked Spike, looking around feverishly. Alan did his best not to laugh again, while Vinyl couldn't stop herself.





"Thanks again, Alan, for bringing these by. I must admit, the library's stock of psychology-related books was a bit lacking, so you've really helped me out. I'm surprised it's a subject you were so interested in." Twilight Sparkle said, while writing down the title and id number of the last of said psychology books, 'Carl Jung for Dummies.'

"Well, keep this to yourself, but when you suffer from a particular ailment, you want to learn more about it so you can fight it. In my case, chronic depression." Alan said, keeping his voice low while making a separate stack of books. His answer caused both Twilight and Vinyl to stop in their tracks and look at him with an expression of extreme concern he was unused to.

"Dude... I had no idea." Vinyl said, placing her hoof on Alan's back.

"Humans are good at not letting others see it, but it's a struggle just to get out of bed every day." Alan says with a weak smile.

"Oh my. In ponies, depression has a high fatality rate. Many sufferers just stay in bed and wither away, while others become extremely suicidal. I suppose with all that you said you've been through at your Q&A, it's to be expected, but I hope you're treating it," Twilight interjected.

"Actually, I am, but I'll need to find a good doctor so I can keep my prescriptions going. If you know of one, could you maybe send copies of some of the relevant books I've brought with me over to them?" 

"I'm going to fast track those for you, since it's a serious matter," said Twilight.

"And I'm going to make sure you get out of bed every day."Vinyl Scratch added with a smile.

"I'd really appreciate it, both of you. Thank you." Alan takes in a deep breath as if cleansing his thoughts before speaking again. "So, onto less depressing subjects, I think all that's left to bring in is the-" before Alan can finish, the front door swings open, and in walks Spike, pile of books in hand.

"These books all have weird titles. You said they're games?" Spike asks, grunting slightly as he places them down besides Twilight.

"Yeah. Role playing games. Typically, several players, at least 4 for a decent group, make up characters based on an established set of creation rules in the book, while one player, called the game master or storyteller or that sort of thing, plays the role of pretty much every character that isn't a player. It's the GM's duty to provide a story for the players to interact with." Alan explains. "Most systems use dice to determine the success of actions. Shadowrun uses a LOT of standard six-sided dice, the World of Darkness series uses up to ten ten-sided dice, and Dungeons and Dragons uses several varying kinds of polyhedral dice, but typically uses a 20-sider for most actions."

"Uhm, what's polyhedral mean?" Both Vinyl Scratch and Spike say in unison.

"In geometry, a polyhedron is a solid, three dimensional object with multiple flat faces and straight edges." Twilight Sparkle says in a sage-like manner.

"Couldn't have said it better myself." Alan says with a smile. "Say, you're still coming by to watch Cosmos tomorrow, right?"

"I am, yes. Has anything changed?" Twilight asks, her face scrunched in concentration while she scribbles.

"No, actually I was just going to say that if you felt like inviting some friends along to watch, I had the sudden urge to cook for a large group." 

"I think I may know one or two ponies who could come." Twilight says with a smile before turning back to her work.

"How about you, Vinyl?" Alan asks the white mare.

"Well, actually, I don't have that many solid friends here in Ponyville, outside of Pinks and Lyra, who is out in Canterlot touring with the orchestra there for a bit. I think you'd like her, dude. She'll be super stoked that you're real."

Alan blinks in response. "Care to explain that one?"

"Well, she's a human enthusiast. Everypony believed you guys were just myths here, but Lyra believed you guys existed all along," explained Vinyl Scratch.





At that moment in Canterlot, a certain mint-colored unicorn mare sneezed.
> Chapter 07 - Wish You Were Here
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


Chapter 7


After waving goodbye, Alan and Vinyl Scratch find themselves sitting on the bike while the motor ran idle. "So, what do you wanna do now?" Vinyl Scratch asked her human companion.

Alan scratched his chin for a moment, humming to himself. "Well, I don't know really. Want to just take a ride around town? You could show me around, I guess." he said with a shrug.

"I'm down for that, yeah." Vinyl nodded before adding "Say, one question, though?"

"Yeah?"

"I gathered you weren't into social gatherings? How come you were asking Twilight to have more guests at the pad?"  She asked.

"You picked up on that huh?" Alan smiled. "Well, I'm trying to change a bad habit. I've got this weird, well, switch in my head. I can do things I'd normally be uncomfortable with if I'm already in an uncomfortable or just plain weird situation. Turns out, my best changes always happen at this sort of time, so I figure I'll start on this," Alan replied with another shrug, then hit the gas. "It's not like it could hurt."




A couple hours later and Vinyl had pretty much shown Alan nearly the entire town, and the pair of them had stopped at Vinyl's favorite local restaurant. "I'm amazed. This menu's got a lot of stuff that sounds like things I could get at home. I'm not all that keen on this thing with the hay and daisies, though. Not quite things that agree with the human digestive system," Alan said with a chuckle.

"Do they really use potatoes to make fries with on Earth?" Vinyl Scratch asked, her own menu folded in front of her.

"Yeah, but honestly, there's a lot you can do with them, and I can't even name half of it," Alan replied with a smile. "Maybe I can introduce the idea a bit. I certainly don't want to bring EVERYTHING about Earth society here, but I'll gladly share the more useful or fun stuff if I can."

Vinyl paused for a moment before asking "Do...you miss it?"

Alan closed his eyes and smiled. "I miss how things were before Steve died.  Him and dad an me were always up to something. Like, we had this thing we'd go to for a couple weeks in the summer called the society for creative anachronism, which is basically a bunch of guys in ancient armor themed protective gear wielding padded sticks as weapons and walloping the crap out of similarly armed dudes. The last one I was really able to participate in was two years ago, before my knee went bad."

"That sounds like a lot of fun, actually."

"It was. Even after my knee went bad, I took a first aid course so I could still go and have a role. Turns out, first aid providers get the better parking." Alan said with a chuckle, then took a deep breath. "So, yeah, I do miss home, back when it still felt like home. But I don't regret leaving. Not one bit."

"No other relatives you're leaving behind?" Vinyl asked before taking a sip of water. "No other friends or girlfriends?"

"I've got a rotten drunk of an uncle I'm leaving behind, but I can't even fathom considering him family anymore. As for friends, I had only a handful of people I really considered my friends, and they all eventually moved elsewhere. We kept in contact, but it just never felt the same." Alan stopped to count on his fingers before adding "And I haven't had a girlfriend in eight years, and the last one I had was batshit insane." 

Alan paused before looking to Vinyl with a smile "So how about you? I've been talking way too much about myself for my own likes lately, so let me hear about you some."

"Fair enough. My dad is a blues singer named Bass Profundo. I've never known my mom, and dad won't talk about her much. I know she's alive, and probably lives somewhere in Manehattan. When I was growing up it was always just me and daddy. I never really seemed to connect with anypony, so I had a lot of acquaintances, but no real friends. Not until music school, anyway. I, eh, kinda went through a phase there, and ended up dating a mare who was going to school there for the exact opposite stuff I was. Her name was Octavia, but everypony just calls her Tavi for short. We had a thing for a while, but she started getting really possessive, and honestly, kinda mean in the sack. I'm REALLY glad I got out of that when I did. It was enough to put me off other girls." Vinyl said with a slight shudder.

"You mentioned someone named Lyra earlier as your friend?" Alan noted.

"Believe it or not, she's Tavi's cousin. I met her not long after Tavi and me started going out. She was in music school for classical studies like Tavi, but Lyra is waaaaaayyy more chill. A bit zonkers, but she's a good pony. It was actually my hanging out with Lyra that started Tavi's possessive streak." Vinyl chuckled a bit "So, I guess we both have batshit insane girls in our past."

"Must be one of those universal constants, like gravity or bullshit."




"Man, I hadn't had salmon in a while. The chef there really knows their stuff." Alan says while patting his now full stomach.  "Sorry I couldn't chip in for the bill."

"Dude, don't even worry about it. As long as I'm living at your house, I'm paying for stuff like this. I'm actually fairly successful, you know. I just like to live semi-modestly." Vinyl Scratch replied with a grin. For a moment, she forgot her glasses were gone and tried to adjust them slightly, only to be met with her bare temple. "hu.. oh, right, they're busted."

Alan stopped in his tracks "What's wrong?"

"I had these really killer shades I wore all the time. They kinda got blowed up with the rest of my stuff." Vinyl replied, her head hanging slightly.

"I thought I saw you messing with a busted pair of shades when we first met. They looked like they were pretty cool when they were whole."

"Oh man, you have NO idea. They were a custom job I had done by a specialty shop in Canterlot. I never went anywhere without-" Vinyl said before being interrupted by the sound of a crash and the voices of three panicking fillies. Wordlessly, Vinyl and Alan look to eachother and nodded before heading over to the source of the noise. Rounding the corner, they find a pile of what recently used to be a wagon cart along with a pegasus, unicorn, and earth pony filly in various states of pain. 

"Are you three okay?" Alan says, kneeling next to the butter yellow earth pony to look her over.

"Ah think mah leg's broken," the filly says, with her face twisted in pain, struggling slightly to move before giving up and groaning "Eyup, definitely broke."

"I'm not hurting badly anywhere" said the unicorn filly "What about you, Scootaloo?"

"Just some ruffled feathers and a little cut.   Applebloom, are you go... whoa. You're that human guy, right?"

"Yeah I am. Listen I don't want to sound rude, but I can answer your questions in a minute here. Let me take care of your friend first. " Alan said while tearing strips of cloth off of his sleeve. "I need to make a splint. Vinyl, could you get the first aid kit from the bike's sidesaddle and Take care of her cut?"

Vinyl Scratch replied with a nod and a quick "Sure" before zipping off to the bike. 

"What in the world were you three doing to cause this mess?" Alan asked while digging through the wreckage for a suitable piece of wood for his task. "This cart's really sturdy, so you'd have to have been traveling pretty fast to get it to smash like this."

"Well..." all three girls began sheepishly.

"We were trying to get our cutie marks in aerodynamic cart design." Sweetie Bell finally replied. 

Alan stopped, making a face like he had just watched a politician swallow a mouse on live television. Vinyl Scratch came back just in time to see Alan's brain stop. "Uh... Ok, not one bit of that sentence made any sense to me. What's a cutie mark?"




By the time the three enthusiastic girls had explained to Alan the concept of a cutie mark, how one obtains it, and the nature of the trio's special club, his ears had started ringing and he had finished wrapping up Applebloom's broken leg. Promising he'd get their friend safely to the nearest hospital, Alan had Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo run along to go tell Applebloom's family where she'd be. Loading her into the bike's sidecar had been no trouble, since the filly was fairly light to him. The amazement of riding in such a foreign vehicle left the girl awed, and mercifully forgetful of how much her leg had hurt at the time.

From there, barely any time had passed before Alan and Vinyl had delivered the wounded filly at the clinic, and a doctor and a pair of nurses had carted off Applebloom to have a more thorough examination. Tiredly, Alan sat down in the dirt besides his bike and let out a sigh. After a long moment, he looked up at the clouds on the horizon. 

"Yeah, we did good today," Alan said with the slightest of smiles.