> A Better Place, A Better Time
>  by Mental_Zero
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Ponies, Because Why Not?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		Have you ever been shot in the head? Have to say, it's not a pleasant experience. Why'd I get shot in the head? Well, it started about 3 weeks beforehand. I was three years out of medical school with my doctorate in Genetic Virology. Good prospects, high-paying job, relationship, so on and so forth. Well, I had been working at this company called Medicine Evolved, but most call it MedEvo. Anyway, I had been at MedEvo for a year and a half as a junior lab assistant. I suppose I demonstrated something that the people in upper management liked, and was offered a transfer to a classified project in their labs out in Chicago. Knowing what I knew about MedEvo, a transfer to a classified project must have meant something big and very high-paying, so I accepted immediately. When I was told it was a military contract, I thought it was something to do with helping wounded soldiers in the field get patched up quicker, stronger antibiotics, et cetera. As it turned out, the reality was much more horrid. I was brought into the project because of my doctorate, as MedEvo was contracted to develop a biological super weapon, equivalent to the atomic bomb during the 40's in magnitude. It was an airborne and waterborne virus with 100% infectiousness and 100% lethality, meant to be sprayed in any third-world country that proved to be particularly troublesome to the great US of A. I, as seemingly the only person on the project who had a conscience, decided that the virus could not ever see the light of day. I worked my way into the project as deeply as I could, then destroyed all the research data and equipment and stole vials filled with the only synthesized versions of the virus. As you could guess, I was caught soon after in a bus station in Chicago. The soldiers they sent tried to get me to give back the vials, but I refused, so they shot me dead, and when I did, the vials shattered, unleashing the virus upon the city.

The first thing I remember after that was nearly getting eaten alive by one of the monstrosities I had helped create, a deformed, rabid excuse of what was once a human being. During the confrontation, I discovered that I had developed certain abilities, namely the ability to redistribute the biological matter in my body at will, which basically means I'd become a shape-shifter, along with being able to turn my body into a living weapon. I was soon contacted by the leader of MedEvo's private army, man named Colonel Walker. Seemed fitting, as we were dealing with the nearest real-world equivalent to a zombie apocalypse. We agreed upon a truce while we cleansed the city of the infection. I don't know why I didn't see his betrayal coming, but when it did, I just ran as far and fast as my legs would carry me, ending in New Orleans. There was a confrontation, specifically Walker ordering to unleash artillery upon the city in my general area. Then supersoldiers, then tanks, and regular infantry. I fought off plenty, but plenty more came, and I was eventually brought down. Walker seemed to have deemed this task important enough to finish himself, as he arrived personally to finish me off. As I laid there dying, staring down the barrel of his .44 revolver, I couldn't help but think of a song I used to listen to.

And when you wake up
Everything is gonna be fine
I guarantee that you wake in a better place
In a better time
So you're tired of living
Feel like you might give in
Well don't
It's not your time

There was a flash, a bang, and I was dead with a shit-eating grin on my face, knowing my last action was getting blood and brain matter on the Colonel's nice shoes.

But, as it turned out, death was not in my cards. Not permanent death, anyway.

I woke up in a forest clearing, it seemed to be the only place that let light in for quite a distance. I sat up, rubbing my forehead and looked around. No signs of animal life, just trees, grass and the occasional bush. The silence was unsettling, especially for a guy who had lived his whole life in cities. With a lack of any better ideas, I got up, oriented myself East, and started walking. It was maybe two hours before I broke out of the forest, nearly walking straight into a sign pointing down the road. I glanced at the faded lettering. Ponyville, 5km. Why did that sound familiar? Before I could think about it any further, a scream came from back inside of the forest. I whipped around in the direction of the scream,
"HELP!" It was the high-pitched, piercing wale of a girl in serious trouble. I didn't even hesitate before taking off in the direction of the scream at a dead sprint. It was a relatively short run, my path leading to another clearing, occupied by wolves...made of wood? Wait, what? Before I got a chance to think about the impossibility of wolves made out of freaking wood, they snapped their heads to face me, slowly starting to form a semicircle around me. I peeled back a large portion of the flesh from my hands, elongating the fingers and covering them in a coating of condensed keratin, harder than steel and twice as sharp, forming vicious claws. What appeared to be the alpha of the pack approached through the semicircle and crouched down maybe ten feet away, getting ready to pounce. I heard the slightest ripple in the air behind me and slashed at it, dividing the wolf that tried to jump me. I kept up the momentum, elongating the claws to hit two other wolves. The alpha dived at my back, only to come to the very shocking realization that the 6'1" homosapien that, for all intents and purposes, should have weighed maybe 180 pounds, but turned out to weigh more along the lines of 200 tons. In short, he bounced right off of me. I returned the favor he tried to do for me in short order, shredding him with my claws. With three of their members and their alpha dead, the remainder of the pack decided to retreat back into the forest.

I looked around the clearing, not finding the source of the scream. Had I been too late?
"Hello? The wolves are gone now, miss, it's safe to come out now. I heard muffled whispering off to my right, it seemed to be coming up from the trees, "Miss?" I heard a timid voice behind me,
"T-t-thank y-you, mister."
I turned around and saw...a pony. A four-foot-nothing, butter yellow pony with a pink mane and tail, with wings. I suddenly realized why the sign seemed familiar,"My Little Pony. I'm in the world of My Little Pony."
A show that I watched a few times when I was a teenager, that's where I ended up after I died? What the hell? I looked around the clearing quickly to make sure I wasn't under the influence of any hallucinogens, only to find five other ponies behind me. Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. I could feel my sanity start to groan under the strain of what was happening, and I looked at Applejack, "Could you please do me a quick favor and punch me in the face as hard as you can?"
She looked at me like I had just grown a second head, "Pardon?"
Groan, creak, snap, snap, snap, "Please just do it."
It didn't help her confused expression, but she obliged, putting me flat on my back. When I sat back up they were still there. I nodded contemplatively, "I've gone insane. I'm seeing pastel-colored, talking ponies, so I've gone insane."
Applejack looked at me a moment, "Y'all don't look too crazy to me, all things considered."
That sounded reassuring. Twilight spoke up, "Uhm, e-excuse me, but, who and what are you?"
I decided to go along with my insanity, "Human, scientific name Homo sapiens sapiens. My name is Ryan O'Connor."
She jumped slightly at the hardness in my voice, mostly just to choke down those high, silvery laughs that are the express route to rubber rooms and coats with really long sleeves. Twilight looked at my hands, now shifted back to normal, "What was that ability that you just demonstrated?"
I reverted to the claws again, "These? This is due to a virus that I came in contact to about a month ago. Normally it would've killed me, but instead it decided to give me a whole bag of tricks that most humans don't have."
Was I saying too much? Possibly. Did I really care? I've already gone off the deep end, hell no, I didn't care. Twilight turned to the others, "Girls, stay here with..."
She looked at me, "Him?"
I nodded, she turned back to them, "Stay with him, I'm going to contact Princess Celestia."
They nodded, some more uneasily than others, and she disappeared in a flash of light, presumably to...Canterlot, I think was the name of the place. I went and sat cross-legged at one corner of the clearing, fighting down those little silvery laughs. I got maybe a minute of peace before a certain brightly-colored pegasus flashed over, "Hey."
Rainbow Dash said. I opened my eyes slowly, finding her to be maybe a foot away from me. For some reason she smelled just like Big Red gum, "Hello."
She looked at me intently, "So, how'd you do that?"
I cocked an eyebrow at her, "Do what?"
She pointed at the shredded alpha, "Make a Timberwolf bigger than Big Mac just bounce off of you."
I shrugged, "I weigh more than I look."
A little spark of cockiness lit in her eyes, "I bet I could lift ya."
I shrugged and got up, holding my arms out, "Go ahead and try."
After a solid minute and a half of straining from her, Rainbow gave up. She landed on wobbly legs, looking at me, "How much do you weigh?"
She asked between gasps, "200 tons, more or less."
She steadied herself a bit, "I believe it." I sat back down and she returned to the group.

By time Twilight had returned with Princess Celestia, the remainder of the ponies with me had all asked me a different series of questions. Rarity asked about fashion, Applejack about farming, Pinkie about parties, yada yada yada. I got to my feet and looked at the elder half of Equestria's diarchy. I won't deny that it sounds odd, but she looked absolutely stunning, even by human standards. Long, lean, she looked strong yet graceful, wizened but still young. She looked like what Athena aspired to be. I guess that's one of the perks of being an ancient sun goddess. I bowed respectfully,
"Your highness." She was giving me a look that reminded me a pre-vet roommate I used to have whenever he saw a particularly mean-looking wolf,
"I understand you protected my student and her friends from a pack of Timberwolves." That was a voice that you do not forget, ever. She did not speak loudly or harshly, but I could still sense the enormity of her power in her voice. I nodded, "That is correct, your Highness."
She inclined her head to me, "Then I am in your debt, Mister O'Connor. I thank you."
The goddess of the sun is indebted to me. Uh, wow. The other five ponies came over to join Twilight and Celestia, Applejack noticed the look in Celestia's eyes, "If I might, Princess, he looks a might strange, but he doesn't seem like a bad feller. Not the friendliest of sorts, but not bad."
The look Celestia was giving me evaporated immediately, replaced by something a bit more apologetic, "Thank you for your input, Applejack. Forgive me, Mr. O'Connor, I am not used to my student being saved by a new species of sentient life form, let alone one that looks so different from most other species in Equestria."
I waved my hand dismissively, "Think nothing of it, your Highness, I've received much worse looks than that."
She gave me a kind smile, almost grandmotherly, "If you need anything while you are staying here, feel free to ask."
I considered the offer for a moment, "Well, you see, your Highness, I'm currently without housing, or money, or anything apart what I have on me."
She nodded slightly, "I see. I will see to it that you are provided with appropriate housing."
Twilight piped up, "He can stay with me and Spike in the Library. I'd like to study him more. If I may, Princess."
Celestia considered it a moment, "Very well, my student, he may stay with you until appropriate housing is provided."
She let out an excited little squeal, which I couldn't help but reply to with an amused snort. The term "adorkable" still very much applies, even after a decade of having not even thought about her or any other of the denizens of Equestria. Rarity decided to take the moment to speak up, "While we may welcome Mr. O'Connor with open hooves from his actions, I am not so sure if the residents of Ponyville will show the same hospitality to him."
I looked at Twilight, "Public meet and greet?"
She tapped her hoof on her chin a moment, "It might work, it might also cause a panic."
I shrugged, "So long as I don't immediately show off my powers, I don't think it will be too bad."
She nodded, "I'll talk to Mayor Mare about it. Do you think you can get into the library without being seen?"
I held up a finger, "One second." I backed up from the group and started shifting, feeling my spine shorten, my neck bending upwards, fur growing out of my body at a hugely increased rate. Overall not a very pleasant experience, but not too bad, and I ended up not looking too out of the ordinary. When I straightened back up, my equestrian companions were all looking at me with expressions falling between fascination and disgust,
"Like I said, a whole bag of tricks." Once their stomachs had all settled, we began the trip back to Ponyville.
> Hi, My Name Is...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		Princess Celestia departed for Canterlot before we got into town, so things look less out of the ordinary with our little party. By and large it seemed to work, I got the odd glance from passerby, but nothing that indicated they thought anything was up. We finally returned to the library after seeing the others to their respective homes. I looked around at the rows upon rows of books, all along the walls, seemingly without end, even thought it was in such a relatively small space. I looked at Twilight,
"Do you mind if I switch back?" She shook her head,
"Go right ahead. I just need to go tell Spike that we're having guests." I nodded and began to shift back to my human form, noticing Twilight stopped near the top of the stairs, looking at me with an almost morbid curiosity. She hurried up the last few steps when I caught her staring, trying to hide a slight embarrassed blush. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up, if only for the fact that for the first time in nearly a month, I was in civilization and no one was trying to kill me yet. The illusion of the library's vastness seemed to fade a fair bit once I changed back, guess it was meant more for a 4-foot frame than a 6-foot one. That rule applied to everything else in the library, as well. Everything looked way too small, which it admittedly is for a guy my size, even for a guy a foot shorter than I am. I sat down in one of the couches, shifting my weight so I wouldn't immediately fall through. Twilight came back downstairs a couple of minutes later, a half-asleep baby dragon behind her,
"So, whassa thig you're talkin about, Twilight?" He got his answer when he saw me on the couch. It's amazing how white a bright green and purple dragon can turn. He got back to sleep in a hurry, at least. Twilight caught him before he fell, "Oh dear. Spike, are you okay?"
I took a quick sniff of the air, "He should be fine."
She looked at me, "How can you know? He could be having an aneurysm, or a heart attack, or..."
I put up a hand to stop her, "Twilight, one, I'm a doctor, two, his blood flow is still normal. His brain activity and heart rate pinned for a moment, but it's within acceptable boundaries for sleeping children."
While I was technically lying, it was only technically. I'm not a pediatrician, but I roomed with one for two years, and I really could sense Spike's heart rate, and it was fine. It was mostly just to reassure Twilight, anyway. She carried him back upstairs, coming down after she'd calmed down herself. I looked at her, "So, did you schedule the meet and greet with the Mayor?"
She nodded, "It'll be happening in one hour, twelve minutes and eight seconds."
I chuckled slightly at her characteristic obsession with schedules. She looked at me with a bit of indignation, "What?"
I smiled kindly at her, "Nothing, I'm just in overall high spirits."
She sat in a chair across from me, studying me, "Why's that?"
I hesitated. As far as I knew, violence was a borderline unheard-of circumstance in Equestria. On Earth, it was a fact of life, it happened every day, the varieties I inflicted among some of the worst kinds. Does she really deserve to know how bad things were where I came from? Well, she'll probably keep asking until I cave, knowing her. So I gave her a summarized version of my last three weeks on Earth, telling her as much as I think I should say. Even still, by the end she looked like I just curb-stomped a puppy, then lit it on fire, "I-it's really that bad on Earth?"
She asked, looking a touch green around the gills. I nodded grimly, "That's why I'm so happy to be here, to finally escape the madness, the violence, the pestilence, the death..."
I shook my head, clearing away the memories, "And in my first few hours here, I'm already taken in by a sweet young mare without a second thought on her part."
I gave her the first genuinely warm smile I'd given in quite some time, which made her try to hide a fierce blush. I took a quick glance at the clock, "You said the meeting was at 5:30, right?"
She nodded, the blush fading. I got up, "Then I guess we'd better get moving, it's a quarter past now."
She quickly looked back at the clock, "Oh no, we're going to be late!" She jumped up and started grabbing things for my presentation. I got up and put a hand on her shoulder, "Twilight, calm down, we won't be late. Take the essentials, go to town square, and I'll meet you there."
She jumped slightly when I touched her. I turned her to face me, "Okay?"
We locked eyes for a moment, staying there before she nodded, "Okay."
I flashed her another smile and turned to go upstairs. I took another whiff of the air, "You blushing, Twilight?"
I remarked. I could feel her turn even redder, and shrugged, dismissing it as nothing. I cracked open her bedroom window, slipping out into the night.

I sat up on a rooftop, watching the beginning of the presentation. I guess when the Mayor calls for a sudden town meeting, it's taken pretty seriously, as it looked like every able-bodied pony in town was present. Mayor Mare had just stepped down from the podium and Twilight was beginning introductions,
"...And so, I'd like to introduce-" I bolted to the stage, snatching the microphone,
"Ryan O'Connor." I could hear everyone in the crowd quickly draw in breath all at once. There was a brief moment of silence, everyone was staring at me, some with fear, some curiosity, a few just outright confusion. After a moment, I saw a little filly raise her hoof, "Yes?" She trotted to the front of the crowd,
"Are you a monster?"
I shook my head, "No, I'm not a monster."
A colt trotted up next to her, he looked to be her brother, "Are you gonna eat us?"
Again, I shook my head, "No, I don't eat ponies."
More silence. I looked around the crowd, their expressions starting to relax. There's no way it's going to be this easy, impossible...right? It was at that moment I realized my wings were still out, and reabsorbed them without thinking. The instant they were gone, roughly a dozen ponies screamed and bolted, causing a big 'ol domino effect, sending just about everyone in every direction away from me. I put my head in my hand once everything quieted down, silently raking myself over the coals for that misstep, "So close..."
Twilight came over and gave me a pat on the back, "Don't worry, they'll come around eventually. Ponyville has had more than its share of strange things happen in it, housing a whole new sentient species is hardly the most outlandish."
I nodded, "I think I'm going to go for a walk. I'll see you back at the Library, Twi." Before she could respond, I dropped down from the stage and wandered off into the streets of Ponyville.

When I got back to the Library, it was well past 9. The walk didn't do much to help my social standing after that monumental faux pas at the meeting. The best I got was a filly looking at me, fascinated, before getting yanked away from the window by her parents and the shutters snapped shut. The whole thing reminded me far too much of home. Hell, at least back on Earth, people had to see you on the news to know you were a freak, there was no illusions about that here. I was a stranger in a strange land, and it was more than evident to the residents that I didn't belong. Twilight was reading a book by the fireplace, her eyes glued to the pages, oblivious to my entry. I squeezed myself into the chair across from her and just sat there, watching her read, the firelight dancing in her eyes as she tore through the book, turning the page almost every other minute. She jumped when she finally noticed me, nearly dropping the book,
"Oh! Hey, Ryan, how long have you been sitting there?" I felt the corners of my mouth turn up,
"A few minutes."
She quickly put a bookmark in and snapped the book shut, putting it by her side, "How was your walk?"
I shrugged, "Didn't do much for me, in all honesty."
She looked at me, concerned, "Are you okay?"
I pushed away the bad memories from home, "Yeah, I'm fine, just annoyed at myself for managing to screw up my first meeting with my new neighbors so badly."
She got up and trotted over to me, "Feel like a fish out of water, you don't belong here?"
I nodded. She put a hoof on my arm, "I know the feeling, Ryan. I came from Canterlot when I was the personal student of Princess Celestia, out to some random rural town out in the middle of nowhere. You're not going to fit in, at first, but the ponies of Ponyville are nice, they'll accept you soon enough."
I looked at her, smiling softly, "Thanks, Twilight, that...that really helps."
And it did. It's amazing what a few kind words, even from a relative stranger, can do to make you feel better about yourself. She smiled back and returned to her chair, "So, I learned plenty about what happened to you, but I never got much about who you are."
The smile broadened, if only from the sheer relief of just having a normal conversation with someone, "Well, what would you like to know?"
Her eyes lit up, "Oh, anything and everything."
I let out a little chuckle and relaxed into the tiny chair, "Well, I was born in Woodlawn, it's a neighborhood in one of the big cities back home, New York City. My mother was a high school art teacher, my father was a construction worker..."

We spent the next three hours learning about each other. As it turns out, aside from one very specific fact for each of us, mine being a shape-shifter, Twilight's being the Element of Magic, we both lived rather boring lives. This realization got a ripple of laughter from both of us. I glanced at the clock,
"Getting pretty late, I think I'll catch myself some shuteye." Twilight looked at the clock,
"I'm gonna stay up a little while longer, I still have another couple of chapters to finish."
I forced myself out of the chair, "Alright, guess I'll see you in the morning."
She smiled sweetly, "See you in the morning." I returned the smile, heading to the guest bedroom,
"G'night."
The bed was far from built for my size, but I made it work. It felt like maybe an hour and a half later that I felt someone pulling the covers back over me and a kiss on my cheek, "Sweet dreams." I couldn't quite identify the voice in my haze of semi-consciousness, but I remember the scent, halfway between lavender and a well-preserved book, it was a nice smell. I dreamed of purple sheep that night.
> Let's Try This Again
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		"You suck at picking up on subtleties, did you know that?" I sat up immediately, looking around the room,
"Who said that?" Suddenly a replica of myself, maybe 8 inches tall and dressed in all black, appeared on my shoulder, "I did, genius."
I snapped my head to look at him, "Who the hell are you?"
He wore a perpetual scowl, "Name's Fail, I'm half of your inner voice, and you are still clueless."
He had a vaguely Bostonian accent. I tried to process what he was saying, but was coming up with a blank, "Why exactly are you here?"
He shrugged, "Apparently dying, being chased across the US, shot in the face, and waking up in a magical land of fucking ponies isn't too good for the psyche. Your conscience split in half, and we only just got out voices back."
I could feel those crazy little giggles bubbling up again, "Well, where's the other half?"
He knocked on my temple, "Safe, get out here!"
Another copy appeared on my other shoulder, this one clad in white, looking much kinder in comparison to Fail, "Hello, sir. I apologize for my brother's rudeness, he's the more...crass side of your mind."
He had a light RP accent. Fail sneered at Safe, "I also get things done a lot quicker than you do, Safe."
Safe sighed and looked at me, "He will tell you that ad nauseam."
Before I could say anything else, Fail gave me a quick knock on the temple, "And no, you're not going insane, you did die, you are in Equestria, and Twilight does want you."
I looked at him, "What are you talking about?"
He facepalmed and looked to Safe, "He's hopeless, absolutely hopeless. He will never get laid again at this rate."
Safe nodded thoughtfully, "I do have to agree with you on that point. She was being fairly obvious, Boss."At that moment the mare in question knocked on the door,
"Ryan, are you awake?"Fail and Safe exchanged a nod, then disappeared in little puffs of smoke. I sat there a moment, just looking from one shoulder to another. Another knock, "Ryan?"
"Yeah, I'm up."
I got up, starting to pull my clothes on. She came in with a tray of food and a glass of juice, nearly dropping them when she saw that I was only half-dressed. I snapped my arms back, catching them, "Morning, Twi."
She cleared her throat quietly and picked them back up, "M-morning. I brought you breakfast."
I got my shirt and jacket on then turned to her, smiling slightly, "I noticed."
I looked at the tray, it was filled with various fruits, "Looks good. Thanks, Twi."
She smiled sweetly, "I figured from what you told me about human diets that you wouldn't really enjoy haycakes."
I took the tray and juice from her, putting them on the desk by the bed, "I appreciate the thought."
She sat down next to me, "So, did you sleep well?"
I nodded, "Yeah, I had a weird dream, though. It felt like an hour after I went to sleep, like someone pulled the sheets back over me and kissed me on the cheek."
She blushed, "O-oh?"
I nodded, taking a bite of an apple, "Yeah, I think they said something to me, too. Something like 'Sweet dreams' I do remember they smelled like old books and lavender, it was weird."
Her blush deepened, "Y-yeah, that does sound weird."
I shrugged, "Just a dream, I guess. You sleep well?" She nodded. I quickly finished my breakfast, "So, guess my itinerary for today is going to consist of saving my reputation in Ponyville from the pits of Hell."
That got a small giggle from her, "I'm sure that won't be a problem for someone as charming as you."
She clapped a hoof over her mouth, blushing again, "I-I mean, you're very nice, I'm sure they'll take a liking to you."
I chuckled, "I get it, Twi, thank you for the encouragement." I cleaned the dishes and headed for the door, "I'll see you later, Twi." She smiled and waved, "Bye, Ryan."

The first indication that it wouldn't be that easy was the crowd gathered a block away. The second sign was the torches and pitchforks. The third was the fact that they were looking straight at me. I set my jaw and started walking towards them. They, in turn, began marching towards me, conviction in their faces. We stopped maybe 10 feet from each other, staring each other down. An older stallion, he looked to be the leader of the group, stepped forward,
"We don't want you in our town, monster." He said with a sneer. I heard Fail grumble something about making an example of him. I returned a scowl to him,
"Really, I'm the monster? I'm not the one who's threatening the guy who has committed absolutely zero violent acts towards the citizens of Ponyville and saved the Elements of Harmony."
My retort didn't do much to change his disgusted expression, "We heard about the world you're from. Nothing but war and death there. We don't want that coming here, this is a nice, quiet town."
I didn't even try to suppress my laughter, "Quiet, normal town? I've read up on the town's history, in the last two years, the personal student of Princess Celestia has taken up residence here, Nightmare Moon passed through in an attempt to destroy the Elements of Harmony, as did the god of chaos, Discord. You'd have to have some serious head trauma to believe this town is anything resembling quiet."
He dug in his hooves, "Not gonna ask you again, leave."
My mouth set into a determined line, "Make me."
He looked at me, amused, "We got more ponies than you, and we're stronger than you is."
Now it was my turn to be amused, "Two things. One, you aren't stronger than I am. And two..." I threw out my arms, sending out two copies of myself in either direction. All five of us then sent out ten copies of ourselves behind us. We all looked at the leader, who was now thoroughly prepared to lay the brick, and spoke as one, "...there isn't more of you than there is of us."
The copies all reabsorbed back into me, I walked over to the mob's leader, who now seemed to have the fear of God himself struck into him, and knelt down, "So tell me, if this confrontation were to turn violent, who do you think would win?"
He couldn't even form words, now that his little righteous power illusion had been yanked out from under him. I smiled pleasantly at him, "That's what I thought. Now then, that leaves us with two options."
I looked through the crowd, none of whom seemed to be much less scared than their leader, "Either you all start being a good bit friendlier, or at the very least less hostile, and we'll forget this ever happened. Or, this can get violent, and you can lose. That goes double if anyone tries to give trouble to Miss Sparkle for housing me."
There was a ripple of terrified agreement through the crowd, I got back up, "Good to hear."
I got back up and went over to the first pony that my eyes settled on, a middle-aged looking mare, her coat was a light grey, dirty-blond mane, "And what's your name?" She looked up at me, terrified,
"W-what?" I met her eyes, a subdued blue,
"I said, what is your name?" She was shaking,
"W-w-why?" I smiled pleasantly,
"It's generally considered good etiquette to know the names of your neighbors."
She cleared her throat, "H-high Skies."
I nodded, turning on as much charm as I could get, "Nice to meet you, High Skies, I'm Ryan. How are you today?"
She relaxed slightly,
"O-okay, I suppose. You're not going to hurt anypony?" I shook my head,
"Dear lord, no, I wouldn't dream of it." Thankfully, the sincerity in my words didn't seem to be lost on her, she even smiled, if somewhat shyly, "Nice to meet you, Ryan."

I went through the crowd, repeating the process with the rest of them. I ended with the leader, his name was apparently Old School, he was a school teacher. Can you say archetype? I knelt in front of him,
"Now, Old School, do you think that we'll have a problem like this again?" He shook his head slowly,
"No, I don't think so, Mister O'Connor." I smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, then got back up, "Good to hear. You all have a good day, now." I gave them a quick wave and walked off to go about my day. Additionally, as it turns out, Fail and Safe have a sound system set up in my head, as Fail put on a beautifully fitting song.

Thankfully the rest of Ponyville's residents weren't quite so vehement about my staying here. They realized that stranger and more terrifying things had happened over the years in the "quiet" town of Ponyville. Miss Cheerilee even invited me to come to the school to teach the fillies and colts about human culture. I didn't get back to the Library until well past 8, to find Twilight reading the same book she had been reading the day before. I managed to catch a glimpse of the first word in the title, "Inter-species". She got up and smiled at me,
"Hey." I smiled back,
"Hey, Twi." She trotted over, "So, how did everything go?"
I shrugged, "Had to intimidate a few particularly zealous ponies into not acting to boneheaded, but not that bad, by and large."
She nodded, "I saw that confrontation with you and the angry mob. I didn't know you could clone yourself like that."
I looked at her, "Neat trick, huh?"
She nodded, "It must have some...interesting uses."
I nodded slightly, "Certainly helps if you need an extra pair of eyes somewhere." Fail popped up on my shoulder and looked at me incredulously,
"Are you fucking kidding me?!"
Safe appeared behind him, grabbed him, and they both disappeared in a puff of smoke. Twilight looked at me, more than a little confused, "Uhh, what was that?"
I shrugged, "Fail and Safe. Apparently they're my inner voice, or my conscience, they weren't very clear. Either way, when I got here, my mind was divided and they're the result."
She nodded, shifting from confusion to intrigue, "Interesting. Do you think I could speak to them?"
Safe appeared on my shoulder, smiling pleasantly, "Of course. Please do forgive my brother, he is a bit less...restrained than I am. I assure you it won't be an issue."
She snapped to look at him, "May I speak with your brother as well?"
He pursed his lips, "I'm sorry, Fail is not available at the moment, he's asleep right now."
The muffled yells in my head made that explanation seem a bit dodgy, but I wasn't going to say anything. He looked up at me, "May we please relocate over by the fireplace?"
I walked with Twilight to the fireplace, and Safe dismounted my shoulder, landing on the table between the two chairs. He looked at Twilight, "Please, take a seat."
She sat down on the chair and looked at him intently. Not having anything to really contribute to the conversation, I just kind of stood there awkwardly for a moment. Safe looked at me, "You don't need to stay here for this, Boss. Go out and enjoy yourself, I'll return when I have finished speaking with Miss Sparkle."
I paused a moment, "Alright. Twilight, do you have any suggestions for things to do around here?"
She considered it a moment, "Club PON-3 is a pretty common place for ponies to gather at night. Rainbow Dash knows the owner, you should be able to get in without much trouble." I nodded, "Thanks, Twi. I'll see you later." She had already started talking to Safe by time I was out the door.

I managed to get to the club before the line got too long, it was just opening at the time. I got a funny look from the bouncer, but he let me in. I was in the first group of clubgoers, and admittedly felt painfully out of place, a feeling accentuated by the number of ponies that looked at me when I walked in. I elected to stay in the corner for the time being. It looked like they didn't have the main DJ on yet, just some guy opening for them. After another hour and a few shots of liquor, the announcer roared through the speakers,
"Alright, fillies and gentlecolts, you ready to get things pumped up?" There was a roar of approval through the crowd, "Then welcome to the stage, you know her, you love her, DJ PON-3!" That was the first time I saw Vinyl Scratch. A barely off-white coat, azure mane with electric blue highlights, black-framed glasses with purple lenses hiding ruby-red eyes. There was a thin line of sweat at her hairline, a confident smile on her face, she had the air of someone who knew their craft and knew it damned well. I was struck by her immediately, I even heard what sounded like Fail saying, "Damn..." Behind the duct tape over his mouth. She looked across the crowd, I could feel her eyes settle on me, a pleased little grin tugging at her mouth. She grabbed the microphone,
"Well, fillies and gents, it seems we have a newcomer here. Ryan O'Connor, right?" I felt myself tense slightly as a whole lot of eyes turned to me, it was an all too familiar feeling. Fail decided to take that moment to finally get the tape off of his mouth,
"Confidence, you twit! Winning smile, not phased by public attention, do it!"
I cleared my throat and looked at her, letting the corners of my mouth turn up slightly, "That's right."
She nodded, "Awesome. Well, Ryan, we have a policy here at Club PON-3, and that is whenever somepony moves into Ponyville and comes here for the first time, we let them get their pick of one track for the night's set. You game?"
I cocked an eyebrow at her, not noticing that the club had gone quiet, "Oh? Any track I want?"
I looked around the crowd, hoping to god that at least some music from home got here, too, "Well, I can't think of any better track to kick off the night than The Munsta by SCNDL. You have it?"
Her grin widened, "That's what I'm talking about. Well, Ryan, on behalf of the staff, welcome to Ponyville."
I could just hear Fail over the beat, "My god, you actually interacted with a girl and didn't piss your pants. One that you think is hot, at that." I tuned him out, letting myself get lost in the music.

I guess I lost track of time after Ms. Scratch took the stage, because before I knew it, it was closing time, the hours lost to god knows where. I looked around the club, now empty, blinking away the fog,
"Whoa, what time is it?" I saw Vinyl, up at her booth, looking down at me, wearing a grin that was somewhere between amusement and awe,
"It's almost 4 in the morning. You might have just set a record for how long anypony's ever stayed in here in one sitting."
I rubbed my eyes, laughing in spite of myself, "Well, I had plenty of stress to relieve. Been a long time since I got to go out and have fun."
She chuckled, "I could tell, you were partying like there was no tomorrow. You really seemed to have a feel for the music, you have any background in it?"
I shrugged, "I was in the band back in high school, my brother was a DJ. So, I have reasonable experience."
She nodded thoughtfully, "Your brother teach you much about DJ'ing?"
I thought about it a moment, "Yeah, he taught me some, enough to hold my own."
She packed away the equipment, "You got a job yet?"
The notion honestly hadn't occurred to me, and I couldn't mooch off of Twilight's generosity forever, "No, why?"
She trotted off the stage, taking off her shades, "Well, I've been looking for a more permanent opening guy. All the ones I hire don't stay in town for long. You got what it takes to open for me? And if so, you interested?"
God, it had been so long since Jason ever taught me anything about DJ'ing, I'd consider myself lucky to handle a house party,
"Boss, are you high? Think of the possibilities. People will love you, you'll get to stay up having a blast every night, and you'll get a great view of that excellent piece of ass looking at us. Hell, you'll even get paid for it."
I considered his point for a moment, then looked at Vinyl, "Well, I'd have quite a bit of rust to shake off, but I think I could pull it off."
She shook her head, "No, I need something better than that. Can you do it or not?"
I hesitated, then nodded, "Yes, I can do it."
She gave me a slight grin, "Good, you start tomorrow."
There was a brief pause, "I'll get Safe."
I looked at her, trying to keep a level head, "T-tomorrow? I don't have a set or anything prepared."
She grinned and led me out, "Then I hope you're good at thinking on your hooves. Think of it as a test. Be here."
With that, she trotted off to her own home, and it wasn't until halfway back to where I was staying did I realize how far in over my head I was. Fail and Safe reported back before I got back, if we got somewhere that was open with an internet connection, with 15 hours between then and 7pm the next night, with a healthy dose of luck and unceasing work, we might just be able to pull off a decent opening set for Vinyl,
"Twilight didn't seem to need her computer for tomorrow, so we should be able to use hers. If we keep the volume down, it shouldn't be much of an issue." It was 4:12 when I got back, 4:15 when I started my longest cram session since college.
> Please Welcome to the Stage
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		6:15, forty minutes left. I was giving the mix I put together one last listen, hopefully it'll be done by then. I hadn't paused for a moment since I got back from the club, and I was feeling it, mainly in the form of a pounding headache, not being helped by the bass of the tracks. I pushed the pain away, focusing on the set, listening for any issues with the transitions, making sure the tracks blended well. 6:30, there were a few small hiccups to correct, I frantically worked to smooth them over or otherwise jury-rig it back together. 6:50, it seemed I was finally done. I grabbed the flash drive Twilight let me borrow for the project, copied it over, and tucked it into my pocket. I got up, feeling every joint in my body start cracking at once. 6:53, time to get moving. I opened the door to find Twilight back at her chair with her book, quietly reading while Spike organized a few books on the shelves. Twilight turned to look at me, she looked worried,
"Hey." I cleared my throat, my voice still coming out as a dull rasp,
"Hey, Twi."
She pursed her lips, "You feeling alright?"
I nodded, "A little tired, but I'll be fine."
She got up and gave me a quick hug, "Good luck."
I managed a weak smile, hugging her back, "Thanks, Twi. I promise I'll be back by time you wake up."
She nodded, "Okay, I'll see you then."
She returned to her book, I headed out the door, blinking at the setting sun, not used to natural light. I caught a glimpse of myself in a storefront window, seemed Twilight was right to be worried, I looked like hell, eyes bloodshot, hair manic, bags under my eyes. I certainly didn't look presentable for my first night working, but I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. I arrived at 7 o'clock on the dot, catching Vinyl at the door. She certainly looked better rested than I did, coat and mane washed and brushed, eyes glowing. I held onto the flash drive for reassurance,
"Hey." She didn't look back, juggling her things and unlocking the door,
"Hey...Celestia-damnit."
I held a couple of her bags for her, she got the key in the lock, "Thanks."
I nodded slightly. We walked inside, the club seemed awfully different before opening, all the bar stools neatly put away, everything spotless, not even the faintest whiff of sweat present. I set down Vinyl's bags, she went over to the booth, getting everything set up, "So, you going to give me a good entry tonight?"
I held up the flash drive, grinning weakly, "15 hours of work says 'I sure as hell hope so'."
She looked at the drive, then to me, her face deepening into a slight frown, "You going to be okay to perform tonight?"
I nodded, putting the drive away, "I've been through worse."
She trotted down and looked at me closely, those blood-red eyes poring over me, she smelled kind of like Red Bull, "You're going to need to do something about your face, ponies aren't going to be too excited when it looks like the DJ is about to die halfway through the set."
I considered the though for a moment, "One sec."
I turned away from her, quickly forming a mask and slipping it over my face. I turned back, "This work?"
She inspected the mask, "Certainly memorable, even on top of the other...distinguishing characteristics. Where'd you even get that?"
I chuckled, "A magician never reveals his secrets."
She rolled her eyes slightly, "Alright, Mister Magic. Now, we need a stage name for you, something memorable."
I considered the idea a moment, "What about ROC-0N?"
She looked at me after a moment, "Not the most inventive, but it'll work. Alright, ROC-0N, let's get this place set up."
Two copies stepped out behind me, "What do you need us to do?"
She jumped, "The buck is that?"
I pulled the mask off, putting it away, "Never hurts to have a few extra hands available. Now, what do you need us to do?"
She at the three of us for a moment, "Uh, you need to check the taps are clear, get the bar stools set up, check the lights are all working, and a quick sound test from the floor. Then help Suds, the bartender, with bringing in booze when he arrives. Then just fix anything that comes up." We nodded, "Got it."

9:00 PM, time to open the doors for the first group of customers. I slipped the mask back on, everything had been taken care of with plenty of time to spare. Vinyl had me wait in the wings for the first few minutes, and once the club had sufficiently filled up, she brought the mic up,
"Good evening, fillies and gents, just a quick announcement. We have a new co-DJ here at Club PON-3. Now, it's his first time in a while, so be nice to him. That being said, give a big welcome to DJ ROC-0N!" She looked back at me, "They're all yours." When I got up to the booth, there were more than a few odd looks from the crowd. I grabbed the microphone, trying to not sound as bad as I looked under the mask,
"Evening, ladies and gentlemen, how're you all doing tonight?" There were a few isolated cheers, but by and large they remained quiet, looking at me. I threw up my hands, "Aww, come on, is that how you guys welcome the new guy? I look a little funny, but-" I started up the set, that certainly got their ears perked up, "-I still know how to party. Now, lemme ask again, how are you doing tonight?!" There was a solid cheer from most, if not all, of the crowd. I felt a manic grin spread across my face, "That's what I like to hear!"

10:30, my time on the stage was done. Too bad, I was just starting to have fun, too. I stepped down from the stage, letting Vinyl take the stage. I gave her a quick look as we passed,
"Wake me if you need me." She gave a quick nod, quickly trotting up to the stage. There was a thunderous roar from the crowd as soon as they caught sight of her. I found a comfortable-looking chair in the back, settling into it, immediately feeling my eyelids start to droop as the adrenaline started to fade away. I could distantly hear Vinyl over the speakers,
"New guy's not bad, right?" There was a cheer from the crowd. That was the last thing I heard before falling asleep, not even the massive sound system could wake me. I was shaken awake by Vinyl some time around 2:30,
"Ryan, wake up, we've got a problem." I sat up groggily, rubbing my eyes,
"Wazzup, Viyl?"
She hauled me to my feet, "A fight broke out on the floor, there's too many for Brick to handle on his own. We called the cops, but he needs your help."
I rolled my shoulders, "Alright."
I went out to the main floor, most of the customers had flared out to the outer edges of the club, there was roughly a dozen in the middle, all clearly drunk and brawling. I hopped down from the booth, putting some extra weight into the landing, contacting with a meaty thud. Most of the patrons on the outer edges looked at me, silently asking for help. I cracked my neck and looked back at Vinyl, "How intact do you want them?"
She looked back at me, "Try to not do much damage, don't want them dying in here."
I nodded and looked back at the group, "Alright, lads, time to break it up!"
A dozen tendrils slithered out of my back, wrapping around them tightly and tearing them away from each other. I scowled at them, more than a little annoyed to have to be woken up from my sleep by a bunch of drunk pricks who decided to fight in Vinyl's club, "Now then, who's with who here?"
After a minute of them changing between shouting at each other and myself, I stomped my foot down, redoubling the tendrils wrapping around them, tightening their grip. I was in no mood to be dealing with this at the moment, "Shut up!"
That silenced most of them, I looked at one that looked a bit more cooled down than the others, "You." He turned to look at me, he must have been on the outer edges of the brawl, "Who started this?" He pointed at a pale green pegasus and a dusty brown earth pony. I brought them to me, "You two started this fight?" The pegasus nodded slightly, the earth pony glared at me murderously. I looked at them, "Gentlemen, I've gotten all of four hours of sleep in the last two days, and I don't appreciate having to have been woken up because you decided to start a fight in my club on my first night on the job. Now then, I'm going to ask nicely, but I will only ask once: Settle your differences now or get the hell out." I caught a glimpse of a unicorn's horn glowing,
"Buck you, asshole!"
There was a brief flash, then there was a flare of pain in my head. I had assumed it was the headache, but judging by the gasps and the way the two ponies in front of me were staring, that was not the case. I took a deep breath, "Vinyl, real quick, did something just hit me in the head?"
There was a long pause, "U-uh, y-yeah..."
I sighed, "What was it?"
She audibly gulped, "A knife..."
I looked at the two in front of me, "There's a knife sticking out of my head, isn't there?" They nodded slowly. I felt on the side of my head until I found the handle and yanked it out of my temple, sending another flare of pain through my brain, "I also don't appreciate getting stabbed in the head. In fact, for that, you all can just get out. Vinyl, tell the police that the perpetrators will be gift-wrapped for them at the front door." More tendrils snaked out of my back, wrapping around the ponies until they were completely wrapped from the neck down. I carried them out one by one, stacking them by the front door. Everyone was still in a stunned silence when I walked back in after bringing out the last few. I looked around, still too tired to feel any kind of anxiety, settling on Vinyl,
"Brick alright?" She nodded slightly,
"He's a little bruised up, but he'll be fine."
I nodded, looking around at the club. I let out a small chuckle, "Ladies and gentlemen, please, don't worry, I'm fine, don't let your fun be spoiled on my behalf. Come on, Vinyl, we've still got more than an hour left, let's not finish with a whimper like this!"
I hopped back up onto the stage, looking around, "Will I have to say pretty please? Come on, people, you came here to party, and Vinyl and I have both failed at our jobs if we don't ensure that happens, now get moving!" I pressed the play button and walked to the back room again, falling asleep immediately.

I was woken up once again by being shaken awake by Vinyl,
"Ryan, wake up, it's closing time." I shook my head, eyes peeling open. Vinyl was looking at me with more than a touch of apprehension. I got up,
"Alright, just need everything put away and cleaned?"
She shook her head, "Don't worry about that, it's done with already. Everypony kind of cleared out after your...confrontation with those guys. Suds, Brick and I cleaned up while you were sleeping."
I smiled slightly, "Thanks, Vinyl, I appreciate it."
She looked at me, seeming concerned, "You okay?"
I looked at her, "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"
She shifted slightly, "Dude, tentacles shot out of your back, grabbed a bunch of guys, then you got stabbed in the head, why else would I be asking?"
I stopped. I guess I had gotten so used to dealing with that kind of thing on a regular basis, I didn't realize that it was considered pretty freaky amongst more normal people. I nodded quickly, trying to sound reassuring, "Yes, Vinyl, I'm sure I'm fine. I've already died twice, some punk with a knife isn't going to make it three."
That didn't seem to help, as Vinyl started looking at me like I just grew a second head, "What?"
I waved my hand dismissively, "Just, don't worry about it, I'm fine. So, anyway, how did I do as a DJ?"
She kept looking at me with the same look, it was reminding me way too much of some of the looks I got back home, "Vinyl, don't worry about me, I'm fine, okay?"
I snapped at her. She flinched, I slammed my mouth shut, feeling myself losing ground by the second, "I'm sorry, Vinyl."
I pushed away everything else in my mind, just trying to sound soothing enough to calm her down. I knelt down a put a hand on her shoulder, "I promise, Vinyl, I'm okay. Okay?"
She nodded slightly, "Sorry, didn't realize you could do things like that, wasn't really prepared"
I nodded, "Don't worry about it. Now then, how would you say I did for my first set?"
She stopped in thought for a moment, "Well, there's good news and bad news. Bad news is you set was okay, at best, looked like most of the excitement was from seeing the new guy in town all of a sudden playing in here. Good news is, you said you worked on that set for 15 hours, right?" I nodded, "In that case, you definitely have the dedication to get DJ'ing down pat. Take tomorrow off, I'll see you next Friday, or sooner, if you want to come for advice." She gave me a small drawstring bag filled with coins, "Here's your first paycheck. Spend it wisely."
It probably wasn't the most tactful thing, but I couldn't help but break out into a big, stupid grin and hug Vinyl, who let out a surprised squeak, "Thank you, Vinyl, truly and honestly."
She patted my back after a moment, "Hey, no problem, definitely don't want to get you mad, right?"
She grinned back at me. I got up, "So, I'll see you later, then." She nodded, "Take it easy, Ryan."

That grin persisted all the way back home. It was quiet as the dead when I got back, the fire put out, Twilight and Spike asleep upstairs. I hung up my clothes and got into bed, looking out at Princess Luna's moon hanging in the sky. I have a home, I have friends, a job, and I just got my first paycheck at that job, the neighbors are starting to accept me. I'm starting to become normal again.
> Unexpected Guests
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		It had been four days since the events at Club PON-3, I was working on a cheap laptop I got with the paycheck. It was around midday, things were pretty quiet, Twilight had lent out a few books, Rarity had stopped in for a chat with Twilight, not much else. Well, until half past noon, anyway. There was a brilliant flash in the living room, bright enough to see through my door in a room filled with light. When I opened the door, Princess Celestia was standing in the middle of the library, Twilight was kneeling at her hooves. Celestia let out that amused and calming little laugh that every mother seems to have master, you know the one,
"Rise, my student, this is merely a social visit." Twilight got back up,
"Well, it's a good time, I have some time in my schedule for now." I stepped out of the doorway, unable to not smile. I bowed to her,
"Your Highness, it is good to see you again."
She turned to face me, "Ah, Mister O'Connor, just the one I was hoping to see."
I cocked an eyebrow at her, "Oh? You came all this way to see me, Princess?"
She nodded, "Of course. As one of the rulers of this land, I consider it my duty to ensure that new citizens of Equestria are integrating well. Especially ones as distinguished as yourself."
I chuckled, "Making sure the freak show is staying under control?"
She returned the chuckle, "If that is what you wish to call it, then sure."
I nodded, "Well, I promise, I've been good, for the most part. I've got a job, get along well enough with most of the neighbors, and I like to think I haven't made myself too much of a burden for Miss Sparkle."
Twilight shook her head, "Far from it, Ryan's perfectly welcome to stay as long as he wants."
I smiled at her and looked at Celestia, "She's also been a gracious host. She may be the single biggest reason I'm employed at the moment."
Twilight blushed slightly, Celestia nodded, maintaining that same warm smile, "That is very good to hear, Ryan. I only have one question: You said you've been behaving for the most part. Would you care to elaborate?"
I stuck my hands in my pockets, "My first night on the job, a fight broke out in the club where I work, was too big of a brawl for security to handle it, so I stepped in. No one was seriously hurt, but one of them got a good shot in on me."
Her smile faded slightly, "I see. How severe was your injury?"
I shrugged, "Nothing too serious, unicorn put a knife in my temple, but it was closed back up in a couple of minutes."
Her eyes widened slightly, "You were stabbed in the side of your head?"
I put up a hand to stop her, "I know where you're going with that line of thought, Princess, and I want you to keep in mind that I have a non-centralized nervous system, all of my organs are completely superfluous, as well as having a very effective healing capability, thousands of times faster than the average human. In addition to that, I ensured that I, personally, was involved in the conflict as little as possible, leaving it to the local authorities. I only intervened to ensure that they didn't hurt each other or anyone else any more than they already had."
She nodded slightly, "I see. Well, I commend you for your actions, and thank you for showing self-restraint, despite more than hostile actions from others. That being said, I do request that you do not demonstrate your abilities for now unless necessary, we do not wish to unnerve the residents of Ponyville."
I nodded to her, "Of course, Princess, I wouldn't want to scare off my new neighbors just after I got on friendly terms with them."
Her smile returned, "I am glad to hear how well you are taking all this, despite how large of a change it was in your life."
I thought back to Earth, "Perhaps, Princess, but it was a far from unwelcome change. As I've said, I didn't exactly  leave Earth on very good terms with quite a few of its residents."
She looked at me sympathetically, "I understand, Mister O'Connor."
I nodded to her, "I appreciate it, Princess."
Her smile widened a hair, "On another note, my younger sister, Princess Luna, has requested to meet you. Will you be available tonight?"
I nodded thoughtfully. Finally meeting Equestria's other ruler, "Yes, I'll be open tonight. When was she thinking of coming?"
She paused for a moment in thought, "Would 10 o'clock suit you?"
I nodded, "Of course, anything for the Princess of the Night."
She nodded, "Excellent. And how have you been, Twilight? Has living with Ryan been suiting you?"
Twilight nodded vigorously, "It's been great, Princess. Ryan's been really helpful, and very informative about the human race. And he's very kind, and strong, and..." She stopped mid-sentence, a touch of red at her cheeks. She cleared her throat, "Uhm, I mean, yes, it's been nice having him here."
Celestia smiled at her warmly, "That is good to hear, my student. You have been keeping yourself busy?"
She nodded again, "Of course, Princess Celestia, I'm always busy."
Celestia let out another quiet laugh, "Then I look forward to your next report, Twilight."
The young mare smiled at her teacher, "I'll make sure Spike sends it over at the usual time on Friday."
Celestia nodded to her, "I will see you soon, Twilight. You as well, Ryan."
With that, she teleported back to Canterlot again, leaving Twilight and I looking at each other, "And what exactly did that mean?"
She shrugged, "Princess Celestia can be cryptic at times." I helped her pick up a couple of books that fell when Celestia left,
"Does she have any kind of precognitive abilities?"
Twilight returned to her chair, "Couldn't say. Princess Celestia has immense power, there aren't many abilities I wouldn't put past her, precognition included."
I nodded slightly, "Guess we'll find out when we find out, then."
She nodded in agreement, "It'll be nice seeing Princess Luna, again. I haven't gotten a chance to see her since last Nightmare Night."
A small smile touched her mouth. I nodded, "The meeting of two pariahs. Should certainly be interesting."
That got a small giggle from her, "I'm sure you two will get along."
I looked out the window, "Certainly seems like it'll be good weather for a first meeting, nice and clear. Well, I should get back to work." I could hear her open her book once again, "Have fun."

I decided to get some fresh air before the meeting with Princess Luna, and found myself standing on one of the higher branches jutting from the library, looking out over Ponyville. It was a clean, crisp evening, not too warm, not too cold, a crystal-clear view of the sky. It was strange, seeing the stars and constellations so clearly, never saw any of that where I had grown up. There was the usual cluster of ponies out by Club PON-3, the bass from whatever was playing barely audible from my perch. The usual nocturnal wildlife was out, an owl here, a couple of bats over there, it was all so picturesque,
"Beautiful, isn't it?" I nearly fell off of the branch, instead opting to whirl around at the source of the statement, and found myself looking straight at Equestria's other diarch. Midnight blue coat, turquoise eyes, black markings at the rear of her flank, crescent-moon cutie mark, light figure, but not weak, you could feel the strength in her presence. It was different from Celestia's, though, hers was like a mountain, solid, never moving, eternal. Luna's was like a river, constantly in motion, quick, could change at any time,
"Easy there, hunter, don't think consuming one of the two country's leaders would do much good for our reputation." Fail quipped. I cleared my throat, realizing I had been staring for a moment, looking back out over the town,
"Very much so."
She let out a small giggle, "We assume thou hast lived much of thine life inside of cities."
I looked back at her, "Oh? Why is that?"
She trotted over, "By the way thou art looking at our sky. Very few from the countryside ever appreciate our stars, as they are always with them."
I chuckled, "Okay, okay, you got me, I'm a city kid, through and through. But, that doesn't mean I don't appreciate nighttime, regardless, it can be beautiful from anywhere."
A small smile brushed across her face, "Thine own night goddess must feel quite loved, with praise such as that."
I nodded, not bothering to get into the topic of deities on Earth. I turned to her and bowed deeply, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Princess Luna."
She inclined her head respectfully, "And you, Ryan O'Connor."
She seemed a bit restless, like she was still out of practice with formal meetings. It seemed reasonable, she had been roughly a millennium out of practice. I looked at her, letting wings sprout from my back, "Think you can talk and fly at the same time?"
She returned the look, a competitive grin spreading up one side of her mouth, "We certainly can."
I felt the grin spread to me, "Edge of town and back?"
She nodded, "Threetwoonego." She took off like a rocket, I barely even saw her go. I pushed off, going as quickly as I could, trying to catch up to her,
"I like her already!" Fail yelled over the wind.
I stomped on the gas, managing to catch up to her, "In pretty good shape for royalty!" I called to her.
She looked over at me, a wry grin on her face, "The Night Court tends to stay rather quiet! Besides, we don't want to be getting a flank like our sister's!" She called back.

We flew in silence for a short while, shooting past the edge of town, going over the Everfree Forest, silent except for the wind in my ears. We finally came to rest in a clearing, the darkness outside of it absolute. We sat across from each other, I could hear Luna panting slightly. She looked at me, a pleased smile on her face,
"We are glad to find another who can keep pace with us." I retracted my wings and returned the smile,
"It helps to have been running for your life every day for the past 3 weeks." She nodded somberly, the smile fading,
"Yes, we sympathize with your situation, Mr. O'Connor. We are familiar with the feeling of being seen in an unfavorable light by many."
I got up and went over to her, "Look on the bright side, Princess, you did a much better job of getting back into the good graces of the people than I did."
She looked at me, curious, "How so?"
I knelt down, "Well, you had the Nightmare removed from you, you walked amongst the people last Nightmare Night, showed them you aren't what you were. I just died and ended up in a place much more tolerant of individuals like myself."
She nodded again, "But we feel we are still on a long road to fully being accepted in Equestria again."
I shrugged, "I'm on that same road, Luna. I'll walk it with you, if you want."
The smile barely returned to her face, "Thank you, Mr. O'Connor, we appreciate your kind words."
I cocked an eyebrow at her, "Come on, let's see a big smile on that face."
She chuckled slightly, "We assure you, Mr. O'Connor, we're quite fine."
I thought for a moment, a cheeky grin spreading across my face, "When the night, has come. And the land is dark." I couldn't do an impression of Ben King to save my life, but damned if I wasn't trying, "And the moon, is the only, light we'll see." I must have either sounded awful or great, because a grand smile broke out on Luna's face. It seemed even Equestria wasn't safe from Mr. King, "No I won't, be afraid. No I won't, be afraid." I swept her back up to her feet, and arm over her, leaning into the ridiculousness of my musical number, "Just so long, as you stand, stand by me!"
She suddenly joined in with me, "So darling, darling, stand, by me! Oh stand, by me! Ooh stand, stand by me, stand by me!" We went through the whole song, swaying back and forth like a couple of idiots, but damned if it didn't feel good to do. We collapsed into fits of laughter when we finished, Luna looked at me, nearly crying from laughter,
"How did you know we loved that song?" I looked at her once I got my laughter under control,
"Because everybody loves that song, no exceptions."
We stood there, smiling stupidly for another minute before we got under control again, "I should probably get back home, Twilight's probably freaking out that I just flew out into the night without saying anything."
She nodded, "We'll fly back with you."
We took off and flew back without another word, taking our time to look at all the sights. We landed a couple of blocks from the Library, opting to walk the rest of the way. It must have been past midnight when we got back, stopping at the door. I smiled down at her,
"That was nice." She smiled back,
"Indeed it was."
I couldn't help but chuckle, "God, it sounds like we just came back from our first date."
She laughed quietly, "We suppose it does. It was a pleasure meeting you, Mister O'Connor."
I shook my head slightly, "Please, to you it's just Ryan."
Her smile widened, "Then we suppose you may simply call us Luna."
I inclined my head to her, "If that's what you want, Luna." We exchanged a friendly smile, "I'll see you around."
She nodded, "Be seeing you, Ryan." With that she took off into her night, gone in an instant. I headed back inside to find Twilight waiting right by the door, looking more than a tad worried,
"Where were you?" I looked at her, still smiling,
"Meeting Princess Luna."
That gave her pause, "O-oh. Well, how was that?"
The smile persisted, "She's nice, we got along well."
She smiled at me slightly, "See? I told you you'd get along with her."
I nodded, "You did, indeed. I'm glad you were right, too, seemed like it had been a long time since the poor girl had a friend, save for Celestia."
She nodded somberly, "It's one of the shortcomings of being royalty, the Princesses hardly have any time to themselves."
I shrugged, "Things are how they are, can't do anything but deal with it."
We stood there in silence for a moment, "Well, I'm gonna go to bed."
She nodded slightly, "Okay, sleep tight."
I smiled at her, "You too."
I got in bed, looking out at the night sky, the moon was full that night, the stars twinkling brightly, crickets chirping quietly out in the distance,
"Hmm, maybe we should get with Luna inst-" "Shut up, Fail."
> Encore
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		The lights were good, the sound system checked, bar stools out, bar ready. I glanced at the clock, 8:55, almost showtime. I loaded up the new mix I had been working on the last few days and nights. Vinyl was looking over my shoulder,
"You ready?" I nodded, slipping my mask on,
"Show must go on, right?"
She nodded, smiling fiercely, "Might be even more spirited than I am."
I started up the mix as the first patrons flowed in, "Go and get ready, I can handle myself for now."
She looked at me, "Just don't hurt anyone."
I let out an amused snort, "You worry too much, Vinyl."
She shook her head, suppressing a chuckle, "I hope so. Good luck." She trotted backstage, and I looked out across the already sizable crowd,
"Let's show 'em what we got."

The set passed without incident, the crowd even seemed to enjoy the set itself. The remainder of the night followed suit, as well, a few customers who had too many got a bit rowdy, but aside from that, all was quiet. We closed up on time, everything was cleaned and packed away by 4:30. Vinyl trotted over to me as I was putting away the last few glasses for the bar,
"Hey, I got a few extra things I need to bring home, think you can help me carry them?" I quickly put away everything else, turning to face her,
"Sure." There was a sizable pile of equipment by the door, along with a few zipped-up duffel bags on either side. I slung the bags across my shoulders, we started making our way to her home, "So, you think I did better this time?"
She nodded slightly, "Yeah, I'd say so. Transitions were smoother, track selection was a world better than before. You're showing a lot of progress."
I felt a pleased grin tug at the corners of my mouth, encouraged by the praise, "Cool. Any suggestions for improvement?"
She adjusted her grip on the equipment, "Lemme listen to the mix again when we get to my place, I'll give you the specifics." We made our way to her home without another word. It was a decent-sized place, Vinyl was certainly doing well for herself in the DJ'ing business. I let out an awed whistle, she glanced at me, "You like?"
I nodded, "Yeah. All this from a club in a small town?"
She got the door open, "You'd be surprised how many ponies enjoy clubbing here. You can just leave the bags on the couch, I'll sort them out later." I glanced around the house, a lot of white paint, ultra-modern looking furniture,
"I wonder how big the bed is..."
I quickly tuned out Fail, setting down the bags. Vinyl glanced back at me, "Come on, sound room is just up here."
She led me down a hallway off of the living room, leading to a particularly solid-looking door, definitely sound-proofed. We entered the room to be greeted by the sight by a literal wall of speakers. The room looked to be about 12 feet cubed, the walls lined with what almost looked like shag carpeting. There was a small booth in front of the speakers, a couple of laptops and a mixing board on the tabletop, wiring going into the floor, presumably to the speakers. I gave an experimental snap of my fingers, there wasn't even a hint of an echo from it, "Wow..."
Vinyl grinned back at me, "I take my work very seriously."
I nodded dumbly, still struck by the thousands upon thousands of watts worth of speakers pointed straight at me, "I can tell."
She went over to the booth, starting everything up. There was a low hum in the room, almost like the auditory equivalent of the static you get from switching on an old CRT television. I felt a small tingle going up my spine, a subtle feeling of reverence towards the sheer amount of power and cost of the equipment in front of me. I shook it off and took out the drive I kept my mixes on and handed it to Vinyl. She plugged it in and started it up, keeping the volume low, but even still I could feel every beat rattle my bones.

We spent the next half hour or so discussing what I did wrong in the set, thankfully the list wasn't too long. A few sloppy transitions here, an out of place track there, et cetera. Vinyl walked me to the door,
"So, you think you'll be able to do better by tomorrow?" I nodded,
"Yeah, that advice really helps."
She grinned slightly, "Cool, I'll see you tomorrow, then."
I returned the grin and had turned to the door when I felt Fail appear on my shoulder,
"Hey, just letting you know, he wants you, like a lot."
I instinctively swatted for him, but he dodged my hand. I could practically feel Vinyl's eyes on me, "Oh, really?"
Fail darted away from a couple more swipes from me, "You have no idea."
Safe finally appeared, tackling Fail and disappearing in a puff of smoke. I stood stock still, not sure what to say, not looking at Vinyl. I felt one of her hooves settle on my shoulder, the other tracing tiny circles on the back of my neck. I could feel her breath on me, she spoke playfully, "Is that true, Ryan?" Unsure of what else to do, I just nodded slowly. She kept up the playful tone, "You have a crush on little old me?" I was split between processing my current situation and planning Fail's death, so I just nodded again. Both lines of thought ceased when she spun me around and pushed me up against the nearest wall, her hooves on my chest, muzzle inches from my face, "Well, I've never had much of a problem with experimentation."
I hadn't had a pulse in over a month, yet I could still hear my heart pounding in my ears. She leaned up, her lips brushing against mine lightly, "You're welcome!"
She looked at me seductively, "You game?"
With Safe wrestling with Fail, and my own mind overwhelmed with shock, my mental faculties were still operating at roughly 5% power, so I simply nodded mindlessly again. She led me up to her bedroom, pushing me down on top of the bed. The answer to Fail's question was King. She straddled my waist, kissing me hungrily. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her into it. She tasted like white rum and lemon. Her mane was in my face, but it was okay, all that mattered was that she was there with me, and that I wasn't dreaming. I slid my hands down to her waistline, feeling her coat beneath my fingers. She gently pushed my hands back up, "Don't get too far ahead of yourself, cowpony."
I felt a growl rumble up to my throat, I bit it back. We went on like that for another few minutes, ending up with her lying next to me, tracing circles on my chest with her hoof, smiling slightly. I was just looking up at the ceiling, keeping my expression as far from the dead fish impression it should have been as possible. She looked at me and gave me another quick kiss, "Been a while for you, hasn't it?"
I nodded slightly, "Haven't really gotten a chance for...intimate encounters in a while."
She chuckled lowly, "Well, how would you rate that one?"
I didn't even have to think about it, "Ten out of ten."
She chuckled again, snuggling up to me, "Good to hear that I'm a good performer here, too." We lay there in silence for a minute or so before she sat up, "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"
I looked at her, "I don't get to stay the night?"
She shook her head slightly, "No offense, Ryan, you're a great guy, but I don't want to do anything like that until it looks like this'll be a more permanent thing. You do want this to be a more permanent thing, right?"
I sat up quickly, nodding vigorously, "Definitely."
She smiled sweetly and kissed my cheek, "I'll see you at 7."
I got up, glancing out the window, the sky was just starting to light up with the new day. I pulled my hood up, stuck my hands in my pockets, and returned to the Library, not even bothering to undress to get into bed,
"You owe me, Boss."
"Yes, and I'm going to make us even by not killing you."
Fail appeared on my desk with a cocky grin on, "I had to do something, god knows you weren't going to."
I felt the corners of my mouth turn up in amusement, I swatted at him lazily while suppressing a chuckle, "Pint-sized prick."
He hopped up onto my hand, walking up my arm and back into my head, "You know you love me, Boss."
I grabbed my pillow, pulled the covers over myself, and went to sleep, the taste of white rum and lemon still on my tongue.
> This Is Why I'm Not A Morning Person
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		It was the Tuesday after my...encounter with Vinyl at her place. Twilight had been poking and prodding as to what made me that much more cheerful all of a sudden, I kept feeding her some lines about finally having a job. I didn't want to say anything about Vinyl and I before things became more definite between us. She seemed to believe it well enough, and didn't ask about it any further. I had gone out for a walk around the town, get some fresh air after being inside almost every waking moment since Friday. Everyone was acting friendly enough, a few odd looks here and there, but no one was running for the hills yet. There were a few ponies that had been following me the last couple of minutes, I assumed they were just gawkers, come to look at the big and wondrous shape-shifter. I passed through the market, stands going down the street as far as the eye could see, and a small sea of ponies, all shopping. A pegasus flew up over the rooftops and yelled something to the crowd. Everyone turned their heads at once in the direction of the pegasus, I think his name was Short Stop, he repeated himself,
"RUNAWAY CART!"
Right up ahead was an intersection, choked with ponies shopping, rapidly turning into a mosh pit of ponies trying to get out of the way of the inbound cart. I saw it racing down the street towards the crowd, easily going 40mph. If they didn't get out of the way soon, there were going to be pieces. Distance to initial point of cart's impact, 15.3 meters; Time to impact, 6 seconds; Probability of route being clear by then: Low. Even if they did get clear, the cart didn't look like it was going to stop any time soon. I started shoving my way through the crowd to the throng of ponies at the intersection, keeping my eyes locked on where the cart would first hit. There were three ponies that'd take the first hit, two fillies and a mare who appeared to be their mother. Time to impact, 4 seconds. I forced my way through the crowd to them, grabbing each, speaking with the kind of authority only afforded through imminent doom headed towards innocents,
"Behind me, now."
They obeyed without question, quickly getting as far behind me as they could. Time to impact, 2 seconds. I shifted all of my weight to my legs and dropped to one knee, I could feel the dirt compress under my weight. I crossed my arms in front of me, forming the strongest shield I could make at a moment's notice. Time to impact, 0.5 se-smash. Apparently someone had decided it was a good idea to put roughly 800 kilograms worth of anvils on a 70 kilogram cart and have a pegasus that weighed half as much as the cart push the whole thing uphill. When I let the shield dissolve, I found myself looking at a heap of smashed metal, along with more than a few shocked ponies staring at me. I took my weight off of my feet and looked back at the mare and fillies, "You alright?"
They nodded slightly, shaking like leaves, the fillies looked ready to cry, the mother was trying to calm them. Short Stop came rushing over a moment later, looking plenty out of breath, half exertion and half panic,
"Is everypony okay?"
I got back to my feet, dusting off my jeans, and turned to face him, "No one was harmed."
He let out a huge sigh of relief, "Oh, thank Celestia, I thought for sure that somepony was going to get killed. All because of my stupid mistake."
I put up a hand to stop him, "Were you the only one moving that cart?" He nodded, "Who is your manager?"
He landed, shifting slightly, "His name is Tight Shift, he runs the moving company I work at."
I felt my fists curling and uncurling, "And he thought you were able to move that cart on your own?" He nodded again, "Where is Mr. Shift at the moment?"
As if on cue, said earth pony came sprinting down the street, coming to a dead stop a few feet away from Short Stop, marching over to him, eyes alight with anger,
"You incompetent little buckwit! Do you know how much that is going to cost me?"
Short Stop shrank under the abuse of his manager, "N-no, sir, I don't know."
Tight Shift loomed over him, "A whole bucking lot, that's how much! By Celestia, I should fire you right now."
Panic sparked in Short Stop's eyes, "No, please, sir, I need this job."
I felt anger bubble up in me as Tight Shift looked at Short Stop viciously, "Well, tough horseapples, Short Stop, you're fi-"
"Shut the fuck up."
Both snapped to look at me, Short Stop with an expression of shock, Tight Shift leaning much more towards indignant anger, "I wasn't talking to you, you hairless ape."
A faint red tint asserted itself over my vision, "Well I'm talking to you."
Tight Shift fully turned to face me, "I don't care how special ponies think you are, you don't get to talk to me like that."
I knelt down to his eye level, keeping my voice even, "Why did you have Short Stop try to move close to a metric ton of steel uphill?"
He gestured vaguely to the pegasus in question, "I didn't think the turkey was so weak and clueless that he could buck up a simple delivery."
I locked my jaw in place, the crowd behind us had gone dead silent, "So you expect him to move 25 times his own weight uphill, and he's the clueless one?"
I caught a whiff of his breath, it smelled like he drank pretty regularly. He had a bit of a beer gut, a dirty off-white coat, there was a small band of fur near one hoof that seemed to have been compressed. Recently removed wedding band, maybe? I knew that ponies customarily wore bands of metal around their hooves when they got hitched, similar to wedding rings on humans. Likely recently divorced. He didn't flinch at my reasoning, "If he knew anything about manual labor, he'd know to work smart, not hard."
I felt the all-too irritating feeling of arguing with someone that just plain isn't smart, "At that level, either one becomes an impossibility without any special equipment, which I am not seeing on Short Stop, the cart, or you."
He set his mouth in a hard line, "Even still, he could've at least put in some kind of effort to stop it."
I swung my arm back to point at the crowd behind me, "Had I not intervened, there would be 23 ponies dead, 9 severely wounded, in this plaza alone. If that cart had kept going, there would have been further deaths and injuries. I don't think there is a judge in this country that would buy that line that you just fed me about working smart when the pony in question weighs a twenty-fifth of the cargo he was pushing, which you had him do alone and with no equipment."
A crack appeared in his facade, "Well, it can't be entirely my fault if that hap-"
I cut him off, feeling venom taint my voice, "Yes it could. How would you have enjoyed 23-plus accounts of involuntary manslaughter and dozens of accounts of reckless endangerment?"
That gave him pause, "I don't think I would enjoy that much at all."
I shot a vicious glare at him, "Get a crew out here to clean up this mess, and give Short Stop a raise for saving your sorry hide from those lawsuits by warning everyone of the cart." I got up and walked off before he could respond. The crowd parted without a word, I stalked off with my hands in my pockets.

It was maybe an hour later that I passed by a dilapidated building, it looked like it could have been something akin to a church at one point, but it had clearly been a long time since it had served any kind of purpose. One feature stood out more than anything else, though. It had the design on the back of my jacket painted on the front in pain-staking detail. I stared at it for a moment, making sure I was seeing it correctly, and damned if it was, a perfect copy of the design. I went to the front door and cracked it open, peeking in, to find a sight I certainly didn't expect to find. The interior of the building was restored almost perfectly, pews cleaned and re-stained to a mirror finish, not a trace of mold or dust in the whole place. Even stranger was the fact that there was roughly a dozen ponies in the first couple of rows. At the altar stood an older pegasus, and behind him was a stained glass depiction of myself, claws on one hand, armor on the other, nearly fifteen feet high,
"What the hell...?"
"It would seem that we have spawned a religion, Boss."
The pegasus at the altar hadn't seemed to notice me yet. He had a brown coat, slowly fading to white on his wings, as well as a grey mane and tail, cut short. His eyes were a faded blue, alight with fervor and a new purpose in life, which seemed to be worshiping me.	 He was standing at the altar, speaking to his congregation,
"...selflessly saving the lives of many ponies in the Market today. He was their salvation, as he will be ours."
The members of his flock all nodded and uttered what sounded like a prayer. They were of various ages and races, all shapes and sizes. There was one colt that looked like he was maybe 14, if not younger, "Anyone else getting just a little creeped out by this?"
I craned my neck to try and get a better view of the church, but unfortunately that made the door squeak what seemed to be loud enough to wake up the whole town, only further amplified by the church's massive interior. Every pony in the building snapped to look at me, their eyes lighting up with reverence when they saw me. They rose from their seats, coming over and kneeling in front of me, looking at the ground, not uttering a word. The pegasus trotted over just after them, he didn't kneel, but he did keep his head down, "Your Eminence."
I stood there in silence, looking at the ponies around me, 25 all together, most of them looked relatively young as far as I could tell. Rebellious youths looking for something to believe in, I guess,
"If I may, Boss, maybe we should stay a little while, see if they are just harmless fans or an issue to be addressed."
I nodded to the pegasus politely, "What is your name?"
He looked up at me, filled with awe, "White Wing, Your Eminence."
I looked around the building properly, still surprised at how complete the restoration was, "Tell me, White Wing, what is this place?"
He allowed himself a small, prideful smile, "It is our temple, dedicated to you."
The other ponies were glancing at me furtively, quickly looking back down when I looked across them, "And who exactly is 'we'?"
White Wing gestured to the group, "We are the Order of New Life."
I nodded thoughtfully, looking at the kneeling ponies, "You may stand if you wish to."
There was a brief moment of total silence before the first stood, she was a unicorn, dark blue-grey coat, black mane, a couple of piercings, seemed like the stereotypical goth girl. She was also the first to look directly at me, while the others were still rising. She seemed less nervous than the others, it almost looked like she was prepared to meet me. I looked back to White Wing, "Would you lower your head a moment?" He did so without argument, the others watching intently. I walked up to him, placing my hand on the top of his head, hair-thin tendrils slipping out of my hand and going into his ears, "You will feel a slight pinch."
He flinched slightly as the tendrils pierced his skull and connected to his brain. There was a sudden explosion of imagery and memories blazing through my head as I began reading him. 59, unmarried, never received his cutie mark, no signs of significant mental instability, saw my arrival and story as inspiring, believing if I could get a second chance, so could he, and founded the Order on that principal, inviting all blank flanks to join, and to worship me as the symbol of second chances, "A bit strange, but his intentions seem harmless enough. I would advise remaining formal and neutral for the time being."
I retracted the tendrils, stepping back. White Wing shuddered from the disconnect, stumbling slightly, "W-what was that, Your Eminence?"
The others were looking at me, their expressions ranging from fascination to barely-concealed revulsion, "It was...a test. You passed."
The unicorn mare suddenly stepped up, "Will you give us your blessing?"
White Wing snapped back to look at her, "Hold your tongue, child."
I put up a hand to stop him, studying her, "And what is your name?"
She looked at me steadily, clearly trying to look brave, "Ice Dancer."
I watched her for a moment, noting her body language. Chest puffed out, taking short breaths, standing tall, ever-so-slight shaking in the knees. She made a point of maintaining eye contact, hers were a deep purple, like so many protagonists in those shoddy romance novels you find in bookstores. I kept looking at her as my hand shifted to claws, "Very well, Ice Dancer, you may have my blessing."
They watched me silently as I made my way to the altar. Generously sized, made of smooth, if roughly-hewn, granite, it felt oddly comforting to touch. I placed my clawed hand flat on the altar and excreted a mild acid from the blades, burning an etch of my hand into the stone. I looked out to the crowd of ponies in front of me, "May you all have a second chance, as I did."
I left without another word, White Wing's following watching me silently. As I closed the door to my church behind me and seeing the sun again, there was only one thought on my mind, "I need a coffee."
> An Invitation and Hot Coffee
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		I quickly made my way to the nearest cafe, trendy little place called Marebucks. I ordered my coffee and sat in silence outside, looking around at all the ponies in the cafe and all that were passing by it. I let my mind drift, just enjoying the warmth of the sun on my face and the taste of the coffee. This was interrupted by the arrival of a certain purple mare that I had been staying with, who was positively beaming at that moment. I flashed her a pleasant smile as she came over to my table,
"Morning, Twilight." There seemed to be a slight air of hesitation about her as she came over and sat across from me,
"Good morning, Ryan."
It was kind of strange, seeing her out of the Library, walking around town. I guess I hadn't really seen her outside of the Library up until that point, wasn't used to seeing her in any other setting yet. Despite her apparent hesitation, she still seemed very excited about something, "So, what's got you so chipper this morning?"
She reached into her saddlebag and pulled out two golden tickets, barely containing her excitement, "Princess Celestia invited the girls and I to the Grand Galloping Gala!"
I raised an eyebrow, impressed at the thought, "If I remember correctly, the Grand Galloping Gala is a very prestigious event, only those considered the most elite ever attend. Princess Celestia is even supposed to personally greet each guest at the door."
I nodded, thinking about it. Admittedly, it was probably just some overblown get-together for all the obnoxious upper-upper-class members of society where they all discuss the usual pointless gossip and brag about how much money they had, "Cool. Are you taking Spike with you or something?"
The brightness faded from her face, entirely overtaken by nervousness, "Well, actually, that's why I came to find you..." She cleared her throat and looked at me, "Do you think you would go with me to the Gala? Everypony gets a plus-one, and Spike didn't want to go."
I paused, considering the thought. I supposed I'd have to interact with the upper-class at one point or another, might as well get used to them while I'm here. I smiled slightly and nodded to her, "Sure, I'll go with you. When is it?"
She blushed slightly, and I heard a slight groan from Fail and Safe, "I-it's in 2 days, at Canterlot Castle. We would have to leave around 6 to get there in time."
A thought suddenly popped into my head, remembering a pair of trees on a hilltop I passed when I was racing with Luna, "Say, Twilight, about how far is Canterlot from here?"
She thought about it for a moment as the mischievous little gears started turning in my head, "About 30 kilometers, why?"
I cracked a slight grin, "And when does the Gala actually begin?"
"At 8 o'clock sharp. Why do you ask?"
The grin widened, "I might know a way that can get us there much quicker, and without having to deal with getting on or off at any train stations."
She looked at me, curious, "And what would that be?"
I shook my head, "Just meet me by the hill near the edge of town, the one with the two trees on it."
She gave me an odd look, but nodded slowly, "Okay..."
I gave her a bright smile, "Great. Listen, I've got a few things I need to take care of now. I'll see you later, alright?"
She nodded slightly, "Alright, see you soon, Ryan."
I got up, quickly paid for my coffee, and headed off in the direction of the hill in question.

That night, my final copy returned from his destination,
"The trajectory is clear and the velocity is good, sir."
I grinned, pleased with my little experiment. If Twilight and I were going to spend the night with a bunch of boring aristocrats and politicians, the trip may as well be fun. The copy reintegrated itself without a word, I absorbed all the constructs I had been working on, and started on my way home. On the trip back, I heard the sounds of a scuffle in a nearby alley. I peeked in and saw Ice Dancer, slightly crouched and looking defiant, in front of two bigger stallions looking at her in a less-than-friendly manner,
"Come on, Icee, we promise it won't hurt that bad. It'll only take 5 minutes."
I could practically feel her anger flare from where I was,
"Buck you!"
The stallion that spoke first grinned cruelly, "That's the idea."
"Are they fucking being for real?"
"It would appear so. We must intervene."
This girl barely looked like she was even of age, and these two pricks are going to do t͓̣͔̪͉̳̞͡h̝̗̭i̟͈̯͎̮̝̜͜s to her in a b̲͕̐͆̚ȁ̗̤̹̜́ͭ̒̀̇̎ċ̟̝̣̭̖̘k̲̻͚ͩͥ̐̐̄̉̇ ̮̼̣̳̜͂̔a̫̘͚̞͓͎̍l̫̻̜̗̘l͕͉̜̫͎̑ë̝̻͉ͪͭ͗́y̗̞̘̲̓͗͂̆̍?̰͎̱̼ͪ̈́ͩ͗ͦ͐ͅ And people call M̴̰͙̘̝͕̽̉̿͐́̕͘E̹͓͔̝͓̱͍ͧͥ̐ͧ̉͑͑ͨ͡ a f̹̠̟r̬͈̝͈ea̵̜̫̝̳̬k̶̹?̠̣͜ Damn them, these b͉̯̰͚͞a͎̣̗͍̞̮͍͠s͕͉͕̗̀t̜a̳̺r̭̙̖̹̦ͅd͏͓̯͖̪s̜̼̕ ̩̗͚̘͚ͅd̵̤̱ǫn̞̙̠͕͞'̵͇̝͖̯ͅt̪̼̺͜ ͞e҉̰͉͔̗̼v̷̱e҉̲̖̬͖̝n͖̤ ̫̮̙̖͘ͅd͈͇̝̻͎͠͡e̶̪͉̞̥̙̞̹̝s̙̕e̶̵̮̪͓̦̭̻̖ͅr͝͏͙̻͔v̧̧̬̳͕͔̼̘̙̪͍̀e̢̢҉͓͈͔̠̙ ̬̥̠̳̭̫̼̠͡t̥̼̙̫̠̲͇̲͟͟h̷̹̹̤͔̺̮͖̼e̬̦̦͇̬̕ ̴͙̮̕͟ͅa̶̞͎͙͢͝i̡̤͍͓̩̝ŕ̲͎̝̲̝̹̹͕ ̧̙̜t̳̱̮͓̺h̤̬̳̰̥̣͚̱e͈̟̥̬̭͎͇̟y̴̤̟̼͜ ̶̢̝̫͔͢b̰̹̙̟͚̕͜͟r̘̻͜e̜̞a̰̯̘̮̥t̫̺̳̥͝h̭̰͔͓͓e̶͚͍̲͉͓̼.̴̧̤͎̞̲̗̜ͅ.̨̪̲̗͕͕̦̮̪̭͝.͙

I was standing over them, each gasping for breath, it looked like they had minor sulfur burns on their faces. They were looking at me with a monstrous fear in their eyes, something I hadn't even seen back on Earth. I stepped away slowly, glancing over at Ice Dancer, who had the same fear in her eyes,
"Are you okay?"
I nearly jumped at the sound of my own voice, it sounded twisted and distorted, not even close to my own. That's when I saw myself, in the reflection of her eyes. It wasn't pretty.

I forced myself to calm down, slowly returning to normal. I knelt by the two stallions, grabbing each by the ear, "Boys, I want you to listen very carefully." I waited until they were both looking at me and listening before I continued, "This behavior will not continue. If I ever find out that either you two pulled anything like this again, I will personally ensure that you are transported to the very lowest levels of Tartarus. Understood?" They both nodded quickly, hyperventilating, "And you won't tell anyone about this, either. Got it?" They nodded again. I let go of them and stood back up, "Good. Now go home, treat those burns."
They ran off like the devil himself was at their heels. I turned to Ice Dancer, "Are you alright?"
She just stood there, staring at me, shaking like a leaf. I walked over to her, she shrunk away from me, her back already against a wall. She tried to make a cry for help, but only managed a terrified squeak. I put up a hand to stop her, "Be still, they won't hurt you."
She was hyperventilating, looking on the verge of going into shock. I simply knelt there, locking eyes with her, not blinking, maintaining a perfectly calm expression. After several minutes of this, she started to calm down again. Well, not so much calm as not going into cardiac arrest from fear. I moved back half a step, "Now, are you alright?"
She nodded shakily, "Y-yes. W-w-what w-was that?"
I pursed my lips, silently kicking myself for scaring her like this, "That was what happens when I lose my temper."
She slowly got back up, "W-why did you get so angry?"
My thoughts drifted back to home, thinking about some of the things I saw in life, all the rapes and murders and genocides reported on on Earth, grinding my teeth slightly at the thoughts, "Because behavior like that is absolutely unacceptable. Even if they didn't plan on actually do anything, acting like that is an embarrassment to common decency."
She stayed still for a moment, then suddenly threw her arms around me, hugging me tightly, "Thank you."
I put an arm around her, patting her back gently, "Think nothing of it."
She let go of me after a minute, her eyes looking a bit red, "Um, sir, would you mind walking home with me?"
I nodded slightly, and we began making our way back to her home without a word.

She stayed close to my side, she smelled faintly like those black ice air fresheners. Neither one of us uttered a word until we arrived at her home, a somewhat shabby-looking place. I looked at her when we got to her,
"Ice Dancer, let's just keep this between the two of us, okay?"
She nodded,
"Sure. I don't have any bruises, and I usually stay out late, so my parents shouldn't ask any questions."
A small smile appeared on her face. She got up on her hind legs and gave me a kiss on the cheek, "Thank you, Mr. O'Connor."
I nodded to her, returning the smile, "No problem. I'll see you around, Ice Dancer."
She nodded and headed inside. I started making my way home, a cock-eyed grin stuck to my face,
"Hmm, what do you think, Safe? I'm having a bit of trouble telling."
"I would say that odds are fair, but nothing definite. We'll have to wait and see."
I wasn't paying attention to what they were saying. I glanced at the clock when I got home, 11:41, a bit early to get to sleep, but I had a long day, so I immediately went to bed. I laid looking up at the ceiling for a while, wondering about my outburst earlier. Could I have just lost my temper? It couldn't have been Him, could it? No, He's more mindless than that. I shook off the thought and glanced up at Luna's moon. It'll be nice to see her again, assuming she's at the Gala.
> The Grand Galloping Gala
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		The sun was just starting to set as I sat on the hill, waiting for Twilight. Fail and Safe decided to step out of my head and get some fresh air while we waited, each perched on my shoulders. They turned to each other after a short while, then Safe looked at me,
"Boss, you do know why Miss Sparkle asked you to come with her to the Gala, right?"
I glanced at him,
"Well, yeah. The other Elements each got a ticket, Spike didn't want to go to the Gala, so I guess she figured why not take me."
He sighed defeatedly, "With all due respect, Boss, and despite the fact that you are intelligent enough to earn a doctorate in genetic virology, you are dumb as a stump."
I couldn't help but look at him indignantly, and Fail cut me off before I could respond,
"Have you seriously not noticed how Twilight acts around you? Nervous, a bit skittish, admiring?"
"Well, yeah, I figured that was because I'm the only one of my kind, and you know she's a scholar by heart, of course she'd be excited to be able to study such a thing. And she's never been the best with social graces..."
It sounded like his teeth nearly cracked from how hard he was grinding them, "No, you twit, she has a crush on you, she's fallen for you like a comet, she's in love with you."
I looked at him disbelievingly, "What? No way, she just sees me as a friend."
A moment's pause, "Boss, if I could manage it without destroying Safe and myself, I'd kill you right now for being this clueless. What, is it because of Vinyl? You've been so goddamned dead-set on getting with her that you're completely missing the mare that's been practically serving herself up on a silver platter to you since the day you arrived!"
Before he could continue berating me, the distinct sound of hoofsteps could be heard coming up the hill. Fail and Safe quickly disappeared as Twilight appeared. She was wearing a deep blue dress adorned with white stars around the edges, as well as shoes that looked not far off from Cindarella's glass slippers. Her mane was tucked back in a neatly braided ponytail, coming around to the front of her neck. I couldn't quite tell what perfume she was wearing, but it was good, whatever it was. I couldn't help but stare at her when she stopped in front of me, "Uh, wow, Twilight, you look great."
She smiled shyly, blushing, "You think so?"
I nodded assuringly, glancing down at the two-piece suit I was wearing, "Yeah, you're making me feel underdressed."
Her blush deepened, "Um, thank you, Ryan, that means a lot."
I quickly cleared my head, "So, did you grab the goggles?"
She pulled them out as I began setting up the appropriate constructs on the trees, "Yeah. Now that we're here, can you tell me why I need them, and how we're getting to Canterlot, for that matter?"
I quickly finished the constructs and turned to her, "Simple, we're going to fly. Goggles on, please." She gave me an odd look, but obliged. I walked behind her, "On your back legs, lean into me." She did as I asked. I wrapped my arms around her chest to steady her as tendrils snaked out and began wrapping around her. She let out a small squeak and looked up at me, unnerved, "Uh, Ryan, what are you doing?"
I quickly checked that everything was in place, "Just hold still, Twi. Don't want you falling off now, do we?"
She swallowed audibly, "Falling off?"
I didn't respond as the tendrils finished wrapping around her, securing her to me. I threw out two thick coils of tendrils, each wrapping around one of the trees. I started walking backwards, stretching the coils until they couldn't go any further, the trees nearly breaking from the tension. I smiled at Twilight playfully, "Hang on and enjoy your flight."
With that I hopped up, the tension from the tendrils sending Twilight and I rocketing between the trees and out into the sky towards Canterlot. I spread my wings and let myself glide, flapping occasionally just to ensure we didn't lose too much speed. After a minute or two Twilight stopped yelling and went quiet, looking out at the countryside below us, "It's beautiful..."
I smiled brightly, "Who ever said the express route couldn't have a good view?"

We spent the remainder of the flight in silence, the only sound being the roaring of the wind in our ears. We touched down quietly in a quiet square a several blocks from the castle, lit by oil lanterns and storefronts. I released Twilight and looked around the square while she fixed her dress and mane. I could feel the age of the city we stood on, the magic of having two goddesses and so many more living beings staying there throughout the millennia it had existed, making the stone itself feel alive. When I turned back to Twilight, it looked like a scene out of a movie, the gentle light from the lanterns illuminating her, catching the sparkle from the stars in her dress. I couldn't help but smile,
"Ready to go?"
She nodded, and we set off towards the Castle. It seemed I was faster than I expected, as we got near the front of the line when we arrived at the castle, no one was even going in yet. I couldn't shake the feeling that ponies were looking at me, but I did my best to brush it off. There was a taller-looking stallion walking among the guards, he appeared to be their captain. He glanced our way and he seemed having trouble between deciding whether to look excited or suspicious. Twilight gave him a cheery wave, which finally got a happy smile from him. He quickly returned to checking on his men, I glanced at Twilight,
"Who was that?"
She looked after him proudly,
"That's my big brother, Shining Armor. He's the Captain of the Royal Guard, and the lead military adviser to the Princesses."
I recalled that look of suspicion, taking into account the amount of power he likely had, both political and magical to get to a rank like his, especially since he seemed to only be in his mid to late 20's, "Oh, that's nice."
A few minutes later the gates were opened. The inside of the Castle was positively gorgeous, flawlessly formed marble from floor to ceiling, with elegant gildings placed sparingly enough to not be obvious, but enough to compliment the marble. Standing at the top of the stairs in the entrance hall was Princess Celestia, not dressed up but looking none the worse for it. She smiled at us warmly when we got up to her,
"It is good to see you again, Twilight. And you as well, Mr. O'Connor."
I bowed respectfully, "It's always a pleasure, Princess."
Twilight looked up at her teacher, beaming, "It's so good to be here, Princess, we have so much to catch up on."
I let out a small chuckle, "I guess I'll just head off for now, let you two catch up."
Twilight quickly turned to me, "No! I mean, no, it's okay, you can stay, Ryan."
I waved her off, "No, please, I don't want to impose. Catch up with Celestia, I promise I won't wander too far."
She pursed her lips, hesitant, "Okay..."
I smiled at her and headed off into the party, seeing if I couldn't spot a few friendly faces. Unfortunately, that search was cut short a few minutes in by a cry from one particularly rude guest,
"By my aunt's beard, what is that thing?!"
I stopped dead, turning to the source of the voice, it being a taller stallion, white coat, blonde main and tail with electric blue eyes. His expression was a mix of fear and disgust, and he was looking straight at me. There was maybe 10 feet between us, and every pony in our immediate vicinity was looking at the two of us. I straightened myself up and folded my arms,
"Can I help you?"
He recoiled when I spoke, "Egad, it can talk?"
I felt my face dropping to an unamused frown, "Yes, I am capable of speech. Again, can I help you?"
He looked around for guards, "What is such a ghastly creature doing here? Guards, remove it at once!"
My frown deepened as I held up my invitation, "I am here as Miss Twilight Sparkle's plus one. And I'm a human, homo sapiens sapiens, for your information."
A dose of confusion was added to his expression, "And why would the personal student of my Aunt Celestia invite you?"
I could hear my tone becoming drier and more toxic by the second, "First of all, I imagine it's because I don't conduct myself like you do."
He put on that typical bratty, rich-kid face whenever they're challenged, puffing out his chest, trying to look bigger "And just what does that mean?"
I didn't move, "You are a blatantly xenophobic and ignorant fool who apparently has so little social tact that he cannot see a member of a different species without completely freaking out."
His face began to turn red, a mixture of anger and embarrassment, "You dare speak to me like that, peasant? I am Prince Blueblood, nephew of Princess Celestia and Luna, and Duke of-"
"Haven't heard of you. Moreover, you seem pretty proud for being about as closely related to either of the Princesses here as anyone else, considering their age. Second of all, I would suggest you learn a touch of humility if you wish to remain the ruler of anything for long, as us peasants rarely like or respect leaders that act like you do."
I could feel his anger bubbling up, that same kind of bratty, spoiled kind of anger that makes you wish the person, or pony, in question was spanked more when they were young. He began to march over to me, clearly planning on getting in my face, yelling, but not much more than that. However, his intended outburst was interrupted by the sudden appearance of Equestria's other ruler,
"Is there a problem, gentlecolts?"
We both turned to her, Blueblood looking like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I just smiled at her pleasantly, "None at all, Luna. Prince Blueblood and I were just having a small debate that got a bit heated. I apologize for any disturbance that we may have caused."
She looked back and forth between the two of us, settling on me, "We apologize for our nephew's behavior, Ryan."
I waved off the apology, grinning slightly at Luna's informality in front of everyone, "It's quite alright, Luna, nothing I haven't dealt with before."
She nodded slightly, looking back to Blueblood, "Prince Blueblood, you are a member of the Royal Family and the Duke of Trottingham. We ask you to behave as such."
He lowered his head, on the verge of whimpering, "Yes, Aunt Luna."
He trotted off, defeated. Luna looked back at me, the coldness fading to a small smile, "And how have you been, Ryan? It's been a while since we have seen you last."
We started walking through the crowd, I shrugged, "Not much, honestly. I'm still employed, still living with Twilight, not stirring up trouble. How about you?"
We headed out to a balcony with a good view of the moon, "Oh, not much, having to sleep during the day and managing the Night Court at night doesn't give us much time to do anything on our own. Despite what many may think, the life of royalty is usually tearjerkingly boring."
I nodded thoughtfully, "Is the Night Court really that busy?"
She shook her head, "No, but we must remain regardless, in case anything important arises in that time. We had to schedule quite some time in advance to even get our visit when we first met you."
I looked at her, "You know, I might know a way to remedy that, if you're alright with bending the rules a bit."
She raised an eyebrow at me, "Oh? And how would you do that?"
A copy of myself stepped out of me, "Simple, we just make a stand-in. I will provide the appropriate biomass, it will link to you, and if you ever need to step out for something, it can remain in your place. With a bit of extra work, it can even communicate to you from great distances, in case something important that you need to handle personally arises."
The copy slowly shifted to replicate Luna. She observed it, curious, "You are positive that this is safe?"
I nodded, "It will have to remain linked to you when not in use, but in that state it's essentially dead, no thoughts, no ambition, no danger. When it's in use, it will be a copy of your personality to the letter, only handling problems as you would, and the only independent thoughts it would be allowed is when there is something very important, in which case it will telepathically contact you. Granted, the bonding process will be a bit painful, but nothing unbearable.
Luna studied the now mirror-image of her, "Hmm, we will have to think about it. We mean no offense, Ryan, it is just that this is a bit unusual, even for us."
I reabsorbed the copy, "No problem. Just let me know when you make a decision."
She nodded. We stood there in silence for a few minutes before she glanced over her shoulder, "I believe it's time for us to take our leave. Be seeing you, Ryan."
I flashed her a quick smile, "See you around, Luna."
She trotted out and was almost immediately replaced by Twilight, who was still beaming, I assumed from her conversation with Celestia. I gave her a quick smile, "Hey, Twilight."
She smiled back, trotting up next to me, "Hey. So, how has Princess Luna been?"
I glanced up at the moon, "Oh, she's been good. Same old, same old, you know?" She nodded slightly. She inched closer after a moment, brushing up against my side. A thought suddenly popped into my head. I glanced down at her, "You know, Twilight, there's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while, and I guess now's as good a time as any."
She looked up at me with barely contained excitement, "What is it?"
I knelt down and smiled at her warmly, "Well, I just wanted to thank you for letting me stay with you these past couple weeks. You've been an absolutely gracious host, and have shown me nothing but kindness, and I want to thank you, truly and honestly, for everything."
Her expression changed to one of crushing disappointment, "Oh..."
It looked like she was about ready to start crying. I brushed back a strand of her hair, making eye contact, "Are you alright, Twi?"
She looked at me, barely blinking, looking hesitant. There was a small poof,
"Twilight, please, for everyone's sake, just do it."
Poof
That little motherf-mmph, mmph! Quick as a flash, she wrapped her legs around my neck and kissed me. Not knowing what to do, I just froze, trying to process what was happening. She pulled away after a minute, blushing brilliant red. I stumbled back a step, landing on my ass, staring at her blankly, "We told you."
We sat across from each other for a moment in silence before Twilight spoke again, "Did-did you like it?"
All I could do for the moment was sit there and frantically think about what just happened. All I could do was just let out the stream of consciousness and attempt to keep a calm tone, "Um, uhh, listen, Twilight, you're a great girl, you're funny, intelligent, sweet, so on and so forth. But I-I'm just not sure about this kind of thing, not now. N-not to say that I won't ever consider it, I'm just not so sure about a relationship now." Her eyes began to well up again, a sight I could barely stand to see. I quickly got up and went back over to her, "Twilight, Twilight, listen, I'm not saying 'no'. It's just that a lot of things have happened the past few weeks, and I'm not sure about getting into a relationship right now. Just please, for the love of god, don't cry."
She wiped away the tears, "You swear?"
I nodded quickly, "I swear on my unbeating heart that I will think about it very seriously."
She nodded slightly and straightened back up, wiping her face, "Okay."
I smiled at her slightly, breathing a sigh of relief, "For now, let's just have fun here, as friends, then we'll talk about things later, alright?"
She nodded again, and we headed back into the Gala. The rest of the night, I couldn't help but feel like a certain military stallion's gaze was burning a pair of holes into my back.
> Decision Making
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		I slipped out before Twilight woke up the next morning. The remainder of the Gala had gone well enough, if a bit awkward between her and I. We said our goodbyes at around midnight and returned home in silence, going to bed not long after we got back. The sun was just starting to come up when I left the library, the sky various shades of orange and purple. I spread my wings and took off towards the Everfree Forest, going for maybe half an hour before touching down again. I wanted to think in as quiet and unfamiliar a place as I could find, and the clearing I landed in seemed to fit the bill. It was a fairly small area, with a tiny pond in the center of it. Nothing like the one thing that can kill you the hardest and the fastest to make you think about life, right? I sat at the edge and looked into its depths, just trying to start the line of thought that'd get me to a decision. I sat there for a couple hours, motionless, just thinking, weighing pros and cons to either one. After a while longer, I came to an impasse with myself; I was very much interested in Vinyl, and she seemed to be plenty willing to reciprocate those feelings. On the flip side of that coin is Twilight, who completely fell for me, and I very much care for her, but I'm not sure how in what way just yet. Both were in a complete deadlock, neither option giving an inch in my decision making. I had specifically asked Fail and Safe to not give any commentary, so there was no asking them. I have to live with one if it doesn't work out, and I have to work with the other if it doesn't work out, it'll be a completely overblown scandal either way, but...wait...oh, I hadn't thought about that. But did it really mean that much? Yes, of course, it had to, something like that for her. It couldn't have been easy to do, so I guess-...that settles it. I rose to my feet, my wings spreading once more,
"You sure about this, Boss? I'm fine with either, but is she really the one?"
I nodded,
"Yeah, I'm sure. I've made this decision, and I have to convict myself to it. If it doesn't work out, then I'll just have to deal with that."
"And you are positive that you actually want to be in a relationship with her and not use her so that you won't be alone?"
That gave me pause for a half-step, but my decision had been made, I know why I made it, and I know why I had to think so hard about this in the first place, "Yes, I'm positive, Safe."
With that, I took off, flying back to Ponyville, shedding any remaining flecks of hesitation on the way.

I landed just in front of the front door, my wings disappearing as I knocked. I could hear her voice from inside,
"Just a minute!"
I waited patiently for the door to open. When it did, there she was, her mane still a little mussed from sleep, some crust still in the corners of her eyes, but not less beautiful. I smiled at her,
"Morning."
She smiled back, "Morning."
I folded my hands behind my back, "Is there still time for me to grab breakfast?"
She nodded, "Sure, I was just about to eat, anyway."
She opened the door for me. I sat at the table while she got some fruit together, "So, I made a decision."
She brought the fruit to the table, "Oh?"
I nodded and darted over to her side of the table, tilted her chin up, and kissed her lightly. She blushed brightly and kissed back. In that one moment, I knew that I had made the right decision. She smiled at me softly and nuzzled my neck. I couldn't help but smile down at her, "After all, home is where the heart is, Twi."
> The Limelight is Too Bright
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		I showed up a few minutes early to get things set up at the club. It had been 3 days since I made my decision, and each day made me more sure about my choice, but it still didn't make me look forward to telling Vinyl about it. My copies and I were just finishing up when Vinyl arrived. She looked at me,
"You're early."
I glanced back at her from the taps,
"Felt like getting things done ahead of time."
She looked around, impressed, "Not bad. Everything connected?"
One copy popped up from behind the turntables, "Levels tested as well."
She watched him as he returned to me, "Light set up?"
Another popped out from backstage, "And tested." He followed the first. The last two appeared from the supply closet, "And everything was wiped down and the stools are out, before you ask."
I finished cleaning the taps and stood up, smiling at her pleasantly. She chuckled slightly, "I gotta say, I'm impressed, Ryan. Where'd this initiative come from?"
I put away the rag and cleaning solution, "Well, there's actually something I wanted to talk to you about, Vinyl."
She set up her gear, "What's up?"
I hesitated for a moment, waiting for her to finish setting up, "Well, you remember what happened last Friday, right? With the two of us at your place?"
She raised an eyebrow at me, "Yeah, of course I remember, why?"
I walked over to her, "Well, um, I kind of met someone else."
She looked up at me, curious, "Oh?"
I folded my hands behind my back, forcing the words out, "Yeah, she and I are kind of...together now."
She nodded thoughtfully, "Cool." She looked back up at me when she was done loading the tracks, "Dude, are you alright?"
It took a moment for me to catch up, "Uh, yeah, I'm fine. So, we're cool?"
She looked at me steadily, "Ryan, listen, you're a good guy, and I'd have loved to get with you, but if it isn't happening, it isn't happening. So yeah, we're cool."
I breathed a small sigh of relief, "Okay, that's good."
Fail popped up on my shoulder,
"Told you so."
I swatted at him absentmindedly, getting a chuckle from Vinyl, "Sup, Fail?"
He dodged my half-hearted swats easily, "Not bad, still working on getting the Boss' balls back. They seem to have gotten misplaced somewhere between Earth and here."
She chuckled again, "Is he this bad with every mare?"
He shrugged, "I swear he didn't use to be. Maybe it's dealing with the new species or something, maybe the magic in the air is messing with his head. I'm sure we'll figure something out eventually."
Safe appeared and grabbed Fail,
"While I agree with you, you don't have to be mean about it."
They both disappeared again. Vinyl grinned at me, "I like them."
I shrugged, "Fail's a little prick, but he makes good points every once in a while. Safe's cool, too."

We spent the rest of the time between then and the opening just chatting, exchanging some tracks that we had happened upon. Vinyl thankfully didn't prod too much about who I was with. Don't get me wrong, I loved Twilight to death, even back then, but I didn't really want too many ponies knowing about it yet. As a last-minute thought, I set up a few little things around the club while Vinyl was busy with something, just to give me a few extra eyes and ears to spot things that might otherwise get missed. Fail and Safe agreed to keep watch on them if I was otherwise distracted. Was the idea paranoid? Maybe a little, but after the events a couple weeks earlier, a few preventative measures seemed justified. Three views over the main floor, four over the bar, one at each door, and one in each private area, giving me more than enough perspective to spot anything developing before it became a problem. Thankfully enough, they were unneeded the first night of the weekend, Vinyl and I switched between sets every hour and a half before closing time without incident. That doesn't go to say that the night was completely uneventful, and not in a good way. There were at least a dozen of them waiting for Vinyl and I when we left. As soon as we opened the back door, there was a sudden torrent of light and sound from outside, mashing together for a pretty fair sensory assault. I yanked Vinyl back and slammed the door, holding it closed. Having grown up in the United States, I knew there was only one possible source from that,
"Paparazzi..."
Vinyl frowned at the door,
"Yep."
I snapped the lock shut and looked at her, "Any suggestions?"
She returned the look, "They probably stay there for a few minutes before trying the front door. If we bolt out the front now, we should be able to slip away without them catching us. Can you get the door locked behind you quickly?"
I nodded, "I got it."
I spawned a pair of copies, we each grabbed one of Vinyl's bags and headed to the front door. I got a firm grip of the front door key, Vinyl got ready to run, "3, 2, 1...go!"
She shoved the door open, the copies immediately after her. I slammed the door shut and locked it, but when I turned around, I could already hear the paparazzi running around to the front, and it sounded like their group got a good bit larger. I sent the order to the copies to split up and blasted past Vinyl, "We'll meet you at your place!"
I took off before she could respond, taking to the rooftops. For any of those curious as to why I was so vehemently against interacting with those ponies, it's practically a contractual obligation for anyone with a career in the sciences to despise paparazzi, as they are, to put it bluntly, stupid. That and the fact that they tend to just be scummy people all around anyway just compounds for a more than healthy distaste for their kind. I sent out two more copies, one to ask Twilight to leave the upstairs window open, and the other to keep watch for when Vinyl got home, then resumed my escape from my pursuers. They were fast, clearly conditioned to chasing celebrities through urban environments, but I managed to keep outside the range of their cameras. After another 15 minutes of running, I got the alert that Vinyl was home, and the copies and I converged on Vinyl's home. She was smart enough to leave the door cracked open, so we could all get in without having to slow down. The final copy shut the door behind us, locking it tight. Vinyl was stretched out on the sofa, looking at us with an amused grin,
"You guys look so stupid."
We all replied with an indignant, "Hey!" But that only sent her into a laughing fit. I rolled my eyes and we set down her bags in the next room. Once everyone was reabsorbed and I walked back out she had finished her fit, but still grinning cheekily,
"Guess I found one more thing I have to teach you; the art of dodging paparazzi."
I rolled my shoulders, "Well, maybe another time, for now, I should be getting home. Thanks for the help, Vinyl."
She nodded, "No problem, Ryan. See you tomorrow?"
"You know it."
We exchanged a quick fist-hoof bump and I took off before anyone figured out where I disappeared to.

I kept to darkness as much as I could, darting between alleys. Eventually there was just a block between myself and home. The only problem was that every dropout journalist and cheap photographer from there to the Badlands seemed to have set up camp in the front yard. I peeked around the corner on the other side of the street, it was clear, but the last clearing between the end of the street and home would leave me wide open. A thought suddenly popped into my head, I'd have to move fast and have perfect timing, but if I did it right, I'd get in without them ever getting the chance to snap a single shot of me. I stepped back, digging the balls of my feet into the ground, locking onto my target of the window. I placed the tips of my fingers on the wall next to me, tendrils creeping out from the points of contact. I pushed off, accelerating as quickly as I could, leaving a trail of tendrils on the walls of the buildings I passed, each linking together to form a long, tightly woven net. Just before I jumped, I yanked forward on the net, throwing it out parallel to me, completely blocking line of sight for any photographer. I hauled on the net as I passed through, yanking it after me. What I hadn't accounted for, however, was the tab on the inside of the window that was half of the latch that held the window shut. The net caught on that and I...well I tripped up, went right past my planned landing zone, and slammed into the wall opposite at roughly 40 miles per hour. To add insult to injury, the net, now with a rather large hole ripped in it, fell right on me. I heard the window snap shut and the curtains being drawn,
"Ryan, are you okay!?"
I reabsorbed the net and sat up slowly as Twilight came running down the stairs. I propped myself up against the wall and gave her a weak thumbs-up,
"Almost stuck the landing."
She rushed over to me, "Are you hurt?"
I looked down at my legs, "I think I broke a femur, but it should be better in a little while. I just need some sleep right now."
She nodded after a brief moment and helped me limp upstairs, and was subsequently greeted by a rather grumpy-looking young dragon,
"Should we set up a crash mat for you or something?"
Twilight shot him a look, he grumbled something and curled back up in his bed. I sat down and worked off my jeans, getting a better look at my leg. It was definitely broken, but it didn't look like it was shattered, so it ought to be healed by morning. Not like I was really getting a chance to leave home any time soon. Twilight cringed slightly at the sight of the sudden cockeyeing halfway down my thigh where the two halves of the bone got jammed next to each other. I got a firm grip on my leg, yanked out and forced the two halves to align with the other hand, letting out a disgusting sound of tearing flesh and grinding bone, but it was set. I grimaced at the pain, but it was manageable. I stripped off my jacket and shirt, laying them out next to the bed. When I looked back, Twilight was still looking at me, concerned. I pulled up the covers and swung my legs up onto the bed,
"It hurts, but I promise it's fine, Twi." I shuffled over and gave her a quick kiss, "Come on, I've shaken off death twice, a busted leg won't keep me down for long."
I flashed her a reassuring smile, that seemed to finally do the trick. She got back into bed and snuggled up to me, nuzzling my chest,
"Good night, Ryan."
I kissed her on the top of the head and switched off the lamp, "G'night, Twi."
> Cameras Rolling
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		A quick peek through the curtains the next morning revealed that the front yard was no less crowded. If anything, it seemed like they had called in the cavalry, newsponies were starting to set up cameras on mounts. At least a pair of paths were carved through the horde by the usual daytime hoof traffic. It looked like anyone that didn't have a camera on a mount was shoving it in the faces of passerby, trying to suck out any bits of trivia or scandal they could from whoever didn't just ignore them outright. The whole sight was unsettling for a number of reasons, the least of which being the voracity of the journalists present. I got dressed and went downstairs, working out the stiffness in my leg. Twilight had already gotten breakfast set up, smiling sweetly at me when I stepped in,
"Morning."
I smiled back at her,
"Morning."
I sat down across from her, just looking at her for a moment. Her mane still slightly mussed from sleep, sipping a cup of tea, that scent of lavender and old books, oh it was so good...
"Heel, Boss, heel. Aren't we forgetting one tiny detail?"
Yeah, I knew. It could still be an issue, but I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. For now, I suppose looking and holding was good enough. I glanced at the now-covered window, absently munching on some fruit,
"Say, Twi, what would you say is the most reputable news source that's out there right now?"
She sat, thinking for a moment, "I'm pretty sure I saw a crew from EBS set up, they're well-known and respected. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I figure the only way to get these guys to go away, if only for a little, is to grant an interview with one of them. And if I'm going to do that, I'm at least going to make sure that I'm getting interviewed by someone reputable."
She nodded thoughtfully, "Well, how do you plan on getting to them? There's quite a few ponies in the way."
I thought about the problem for a moment. There was no way I was just walking out through that mess, a disguise isn't likely to work, either, "Well, what about a paper airplane? Write down that I'll give them an interview, toss it out the window in their direction."
She looked at me for a moment, "Well, Noram's Razor does state that the simplest solution is usually the best. Just make sure to actually address it to EBS in specific."
I nodded and quickly wrote out the message and folding it up. Another peek through the upstairs window gave me a target. I tossed it out in the right direction and just hoped that they got it. I walked downstairs and looked at Twilight, "It's done, all we can do now is wait."
She grabbed the book that she had been reading and sat by the fireplace, "So, what exactly did the note say?"
I sat across from her, "The long and short of it is; Only after I perform an interview with EBS will I consider appearing in any other outlets. I told them when I was available and to respond as soon as possible."
She nodded thoughtfully and cracked open the book, finally giving me a clear view of the title: Interspecies Relationships: How to Make it Work, "Well, hopefully that'll get the message across to the rest of them. We certainly don't need them here, preventing either of us from leaving the library and harassing everypony else around Ponyville."
Fail and Safe appeared and clambered onto either arm of my chair. I looked at Twilight, "Well, why would they stop you? They're here for me."
She looked up at me from her book, "Because you're living with me. I'm sure they'd squeeze me for every bit of information I had on you if they got the chance."
Fail laid back on the chair arm, "And I'm sure they're going to ask if you two are fucking at one point or another."
I nodded acknowledgingly, "Yeah, probably. So, how long did it take you to start looking for that book, Twi?"
She buried her nose into the pages, trying to hide a blush, "Um, m-maybe a day or two."
I reached over and tugged the book down, smiling at her teasingly, "Really, my first impression was that good?"
Her blush deepened as she nodded quickly, "Y-yeah."
I tipped her chin up, "Aww, I'm flattered."
She tried to look indignant, "It's not funny."
I kept up my smile, "I never said it was."
I slipped the book out of her hooves and kissed her lightly. She practically melted into me, nuzzling my chest as I picked her up, "No fair."
I ruffled her mane, "It's only cheating if I use pheromones, and I don't have any of those on me."

Soon enough, there was a knock at the door. Twilight hopped off and checked through the peephole,
"It's them."
I got up, Fail and Safe disappearing again,
"There still a whole lot of them out there?"
She turned back to me, "Still a lot, but not as many, and it looks like they're still clearing out."
I started to walk to the door, "And how many EBS guys are there at the door?"
She passed by me, going back to her book, "Just one."
Another knock, "Who is it?"
He sounded by a decent enough guy, much more honest-sounding than the average journalist,
"Mr. O'Connor, I presume? My name is Velvet Voice, I'm with EBS news."
I unlocked the door and opened it, stepping away from the doorway to block any cameras, "Ah, please come in."
Velvet Voice was a bit taller than average, lanky, chocolate brown coat with a short blonde mane and tail, and dull green eyes. Nearly bleached-white teeth, bared in a greeting smile. I closed the door behind him and led him over to the armchairs. Twilight seemed to have relocated upstairs. We sat across from each other, Velvet studying me, fascinated, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. O'Connor."
He stuck out his hoof, I shook it, glancing at him up and down, "I've been told that EBS is well-known for its honesty and integrity, Mr. Voice, that's why I contacted your network specifically."
He smiled proudly, "Why, thank you, Mr. O'Connor, out network's been around for close to half a century, and we're proud to say that we've stayed loyal and true to the stories we're given that whole time."
"He seems like he's honeying his words a bit, but he at least seems to be mostly honest."
I folded my hands in my lap, "So, what would you like to do for this interview?"
He quickly snapped to a professional tone, "Well, we want to know about you, where you're from, how you got here, things like that. We don't ask any of those pointless questions that some other networks would ask in interviews. You will be allowed to pass any question that makes you feel uncomfortable, we'll just cut that out. Now, we will ask some personal questions, just so we and our viewers can get to know who you are, not just what you are. The interview will be pre-recorded here and aired the night after recording. And that's about it, any questions?"
I sat motionless for a moment, considering everything about the interview,
"It certainly seems like a good deal, and I imagine Twilight's word is more than enough for their credibility. It's likely that they don't want to take any chances that could make you reject an interview. I say go for it, Boss."
I looked at Velvet, "Alright, Mr. Voice, you have a deal. How does Monday afternoon, say around 1 o'clock sound?"
He smiled ear-to-ear, "That sounds marvelous, Mr. O'Connor, we will see you then."

I escorted him out, glancing outside when he left. It looked like the majority of the press had cleared out, only a few desperate scavengers still hanging around, but they left when they saw Velvet's victorious grin. I shut the door and slumped back in the armchair, just relieved that I could go outside unharassed again. A few minutes later a sweet purple mare nuzzled up against me. I opened my eyes slowly and smiled at Twilight,
"Done and done. They'll be coming Monday afternoon for the interview, it'll get aired Tuesday night."
She smiled softly and kissed me on the cheek,
"I'll free up my schedule for Monday."
I shook my head, "No, you don't have to, it sounds like they'll be largely asking questions about me, anyway."
She climbed on top of me, resting her head on my chest, "Then I'll just stay for moral support."
I scratched her head, "Okay, okay, you can stay here. Don't know why you want to, though."
She nuzzled my hand, "The more time I get to spend with you, the better."
For a guy who has no pulse, it was amazing how close she came to making my heart explode from that statement.
"You know, maybe this place isn't half bad, after all."
> The Interview
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		1 o'clock. Right on time, there was a knock at the door. The EBS crew seemed to have packed lightly, just Velvet Voice, two camera ponies, and one lighting pony. I quickly invited them in, they immediately set to work getting the Library ready. In under 10 minutes they were done, the two armchairs repositioned to be next to the fireplace. Velvet and I were handed mics, sat down in our respective seat, and the countdown began,
"We'll keep quiet for this one, Boss. Good luck."
And with that, Velvet gave his introduction,
"Good evening, Equestria, this is Velvet Voice at EBS with an exclusive interview with a new arrival to our world. He's the first of his kind to ever appear here, so please say hello to Mr. Ryan O'Connor."
I smiled at him pleasantly,
"It's a pleasure to be here, Velvet."
He wasted no time getting to the questions, "I hope it doesn't sound rude, but just so everypony knows, what exactly are you?"
I considered the question for a moment, "Well, that's a somewhat complicated question to answer, as it could be answered two ways."
He raised an eyebrow at that, "How so?"
"Well, I could be considered two entirely different organisms. I could be considered a human, scientific name homo sapiens sapiens, but in my current state I'm also a strain of virus."
He looked at me, intrigued, "Please do explain."
"Well, to explain that, you need to know some of my background. I come from a planet named Earth. Now, I'm not sure if my Earth is just a different planet in this universe, or in another universe entirely, but it's a long way from here. On Earth, humans are the dominant species, being the only sentient living things there. Now humans, we have no access to magic, we don't have wings to fly with, and we compensated for that through the development of technology, the two most rapidly developing fields being medicine and weapons. I have a doctorate in Genetic Virology, and while on Earth, I worked at a company named Medicine Evolved in their research division. After a couple of years there, I was brought onto a secret project which was, as I found out, the development of a biological superweapon, in the form of the virus that is now the makeup of my body, dubbed DX-1118 C. In layman's terms, what DX-1118 C does is repurpose the cells of anyone infected, causing the cells to start replicating using bits of DNA that aren't normally used. Now, in 99.99% of infections, the changes that the replication of these repurposed cells kills whoever's infected."
Velvet, along with every other crew member were staring at me, shocked, "And, is it contagious?"
I shook my head dismissively, "No, the only way that the virus can infect anyone is through direct and intentional infection by myself."
He stopped reaching for his collar nervously, regaining his composure, "Alright, please continue."
"So, anyway, for reasons that I still have not figured out, the virus interacted with my DNA in a way that it didn't kill me, instead giving me certain abilities."
"And what are these abilities?"
"I'm capable of consciously manipulating the viral biomass that makes up my body. In short, I can shape-shift. I was also granted extreme strength, speed, agility, endurance, and senses, as well as a healing factor."
"Would you mind demonstrating some of these abilities for us?"
I paused, considering the thought. Celestia had asked me to not show off my powers too much, but it looked like it was too late then, anyway, "Alright. You might want to censor this, though, the transformation isn't a very pleasant sight."
I held up one of my hands, shifting it to its clawed form. Velvet watched, seemingly both awed and disgusted, "My word..."
I shifted my hand back, altering my voice to match his, "It also makes me great at impressions."
He did a very slight double take, "But, how...?"
I tapped my throat, "Altering the voice box."
He looked at me, still shaking off the awe, "You are truly one fascinating specimen, Mr. O'Connor."
I grinned at him amicably, "Thank you, I take pride in it."
Finally regaining his composure, he sat back up straight, "So, now that we know a bit about the human race and Earth, what's life on it like?"
That was a tough one, "Well, it really depends where on Earth you are. There are places on Earth that are absolute utopias, shining beacons of civilization and prosperity. But, sadly, as you get further and further away from those places, things tend to get much nastier."
He nodded, "Well, how bad it could be?"
I looked at him, deadpan, "The virus I was infected with was created by Medicine Evolved for one of the countries on Earth that were, by and large, considered one of the 'good guys', Velvet."
I let the thought sink in for a moment, watching Velvet's expression change as he processed it, "It's really that bad?"
I shrugged, "No one ever accused humans of being unoriginal in our methods of killing each other."
There was a brief pause before he continued, "So, how exactly did you get here to Equestria?"
I shrugged, "The best I could tell you is that I died."
He blinked at me, "You died?"
I nodded slowly, "I'm now on my third life. My first was spent as my original, human self, that was ended when I tried to destroy DX-1118 C and was summarily gunned down by a private army that worked for Medicine Evolved. My last life was ended by the same group, as my body had then become very valuable to the company for research purposes. They sent artillery, vehicles, ground troops, everything you could think of, they threw at me, and that eventually brought me down. When I woke up after that death, I was lying out in the Everfree Forest."
Velvet looked at me, curious, "You mentioned your first life ended when you were 'gunned down'. What does that mean?"
I leaned back into the chair, remembering the feeling of rifle rounds tearing through my body, "Well, one of humanity's grandest achievements in weapons development is the gun. I'm going to be vague about the details, because that's one technology that should never see the light of day here. Basically it's a bunch of pieces of metal that fit together in a certain way that makes small pieces of metal put inside them go in a straight line really fast. With essentially the press of a button, you become the Grim Reaper."
"And are these guns common on Earth?"
"Well, if I remember correctly, the average of the top 25 countries comes out to 32 guns per 100 people. But my country, the United States of America, is the extreme outlier at 90 guns per 100 people, in a country with a population of 350 million."
He paused for a moment, doing the math, "That's 315 million guns. Do humans just have these instruments of death lying around?"
"Some of the less intelligent ones, yes. Granted, guns aren't inherently evil, they're just tools. Some people target shoot with them at ranges, like archery here. Others use them for hunting to pad their food stores."
"Hunting?"
I nodded, "Yes, hunting. Humans are omnivores, we eat both plants and meat. Though for some reason some people take excessive pride in not eating one or the other. Just one of those weird things people do to make themselves feel special, I suppose."
"Do you have any particular preference?"
I shook my head, "Not really, but I don't really need to eat anymore, anyway. I have enough biomass packed into my body to last me several centuries."
He cocked his head slightly, "How did you manage that?"
I thought back to Earth, how many soldiers and Infected I consumed. I shuddered a bit at the thought, "I'd rather not speak about that subject."
"Alright then. Well, now that you're here, how are you liking Equestria?"
I smile crept across my face and looked at him, "I have no complaints. I can't necessarily speak for the rest of Equestria, but as far as Ponyville goes, the residents are lovely, they came to accept me here within a week. I have a great job and am currently staying with a very kind friend of mine."
He nodded slightly, "And you're staying with Miss Twilight Sparkle, correct?"
I nodded, "That's right. She's sweet as can be, puts the advancement of science and the benefit of others above all else. A girl after my own heart."
He grinned wryly, "You're starting to make it sound like it might be more than a friendship going on between you two."
I snorted and rolled my eyes at him, "Come on, Velvet, I've been here less than 3 weeks, and you think I'm dating the mare that is the Element of Magic and Princess Celestia's student? I appreciate your confidence in my abilities, but let's not get ahead of ourselves."
He kept up that wry grin, "Well, I'm sure you're quite good-looking, by human standards, charming, and you're about as exotic as they come."
I cocked an eyebrow at him, "Are you asking me out, Velvet?"
He let out a brief chuckle, "No, no, I'm happily married."
I pointed to one of his hooves. It had a band of what looked like gold wrapped around it, "Is that why you're wearing that?"
He held up the hoof in question, "Well, yes, it's a wedding band. What do humans do?"
I held out my hand, wiggling my ring finger, "Well, we wear wedding rings, but we just put them on the designated ring finger."
"There's a designated finger for wearing wedding bands?"
"Yeah. Don't ask me why that finger was the chosen one, it just is."
He let out an amused chuckle, "I don't think I've learned this much in a single interview in my entire career."
I grinned at him, "Well, I'm glad I could be the one that could spread this information. And trust me, there are much worse candidates out there."
"Oh?"
I nodded quickly, "There are some dumb humans on Earth."

We went on like that for another half an hour before wrapping. I shook his hoof before he and his crew,
"I have to say, Velvet, I was a bit suspicious of you at first, but it's really been a pleasure meeting you."
He smiled at me, pleased, "And you, Mr. O'Connor."
I walked to the door with him, "Hey, if you're ever in town, let me know, drinks on me."
He chuckled slightly, "I might just take you up on that."
I gave him a quick wave as he went out, "Take it easy, Velvet."
He waved over his shoulder, "And you."
I closed the door and headed back to the fireplace, feeling high in spirits. Twilight came back downstairs a few minutes later and sat across from me, smiling sweetly,
"Enjoy the interview?"
I smiled at her and nodded, "Yeah, Voice was much better than I expected him to be."
She lit a fire, "So, why did you tell him we weren't together?"
I glanced at her, "Well, I mean, I said it right in the interview; likely the most physically powerful being in Equestria being with Celestia's Personal student and the Element of Magic? We just got rid of the paparazzi, that breaking would bring them back tenfold. I mean, you haven't even told the girls yet, Spike's the only other one that knows."
She pursed her lips, "Uhh, yeah, right..."
Oh no, "Twilight, who did you tell?"
She shuffled in her chair for a moment, "Uhh, Shining. He's coming to meet you tomorrow."
I sat there, processing the statement for a moment. Fail and Safe came to the same conclusion as I did,
"Crap."
> Big Brother Best Friend Please Don't Kill Me
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		I looked at Twilight, trying to contain my panic,
"And why didn't you tell me this?"
She smiled sheepishly,
"I was going to, the letters only got sent yesterday."
I ran my hands through my hair, "Oh, this is not good at all."
She trotted over to me, "Ryan, why are you so worried?"
I looked at her, "Twilight, think about his perspective. He's your big brother, it's his job to protect you with his life, and he finds out you're with the town's new freakshow? He is going to eat me."
She looked at me critically, "I think you might be overreacting a little bit, Ryan."
I shook my head, "Twilight, have you ever had a boy- er, a coltfriend before?"
She blushed slightly, "Um, no, you're the first."
I nodded, "So you don't know how bad it can be. I had a little sister, I know exactly what his thought process is right now. And he's the Captain of the Royal Guard, to boot."
She looked back up to me, "Didn't you just say you're probably the strongest thing in Equestria right now?"
"Yeah, but I don't have any counters to magic apart from just tanking the damage. And you should never underestimate an older brother who's feeling protective of his little sister. If he catches the interview while he's here, my chances only get worse."
She got up and draped her legs over my shoulders, giving me a quick kiss, "I promise I'll keep him from getting too mean, Ryan."
I took a deep breath and met her eyes, making myself calm down, "Alright."
She smiled sweetly and returned to her chair, "We're meeting him at the train station at 2:13 tomorrow."
I browsed through some of the books, "Okay."
I picked out a novel, some sort of fantasy-noir title called The Bresdon Files. Chicago PI that's also a wizard. It was surprisingly good, and so Twilight and I read by the fire for several hours before going to bed.

I glanced at the clock mounted on the station wall, 2:10. Twilight insisted we get there 20 minutes early, so we had been spending the last few minutes talking about what we'd do, maybe see a show, all go out and have dinner, the usual things you do when family visits. The train that rolled in looked like something straight out of the 1800's, save for the Barbie-esque color scheme. Shining Armor wasn't difficult to spot, there were less than a dozen ponies getting off, and he was the tallest by far. He was followed by a mare I didn't recognize, bright pink coat, multi-colored, flowing hair. I caught Twilight doing a double-take before running and hugging her brother,
"Shining!"
He smiled and hugged her back,
"Twily!"
She quickly shifted her attention to the mare, "Cadance, what are you doing here?"
I started walking over as Cadance did some kind of quick song and dance with Twilight, "Are you kidding, Twilight? How could I miss meeting your first coltfriend?"
I noticed a band around hers and Shining's hooves. I cocked an eyebrow at them, curiosity getting the better of me, "You're married?"
Cadance looked over at me, "And you must be-..." She paused mid-sentence, staring at me in confusion before looking back at Twilight, "Um, Twilight, who's this?"
Twilight looked at Shining, "You didn't tell her?"
He shrugged at her, "She was talking so much about meeting him, I didn't get a chance to."
Twilight looked back at Cadance, "Well, Cadance, this is Ryan...my coltfriend."
Cadance kept staring at me, confused, "Well, what is he?"
I responded before Twilight could answer, "Is no one informed when a new species arrives in Equestria?"
Shining glared at me, "Only the Princesses and myself are specifically made aware of cases such as yourself for the first month."
"The fuck kinda foreign policy is that?"
I looked at Cadance, "Anyway, I'm a human, I'm not really from around here."
She started to look more curious than confused, "Where are you from?"
"Well, I'm not sure if it's just a different planet from this or in an entirely different dimension, but I'm from a planet called Earth."
She looked back at Twilight, "You're dating an alien?"
She nodded, smiling sheepishly still. poof
"It'll get more confusing, just wait."
poof
I put my head in my hand and let out an defeated groan. Both Shining and Cadance were looking at me, "What was that?"
I stuck my hands in my pockets, "One of the many reasons I'm a bit weirder than your average human. Listen, not to sound rude, but how about we discuss this back at the Library?"
"Uh, yeah, sure, that sounds good."

We all got seated in the main room, Twilight got an extra pair of chairs for Shining and Cadance. They asked all the usual questions, I gave the usual answers, so on and so forth. Then we got to the bits where I could practically hear how thin the ice I was on was, with Shining watching me like a hawk. Once they had adjusted to the strangeness of my being here, Cadance smiled at both of us,
"So, how long have you two been together?"
I stayed perfectly still, not wanting to give an inch to Shining,
"8 days as of today."
"Really? Only 8 days?"
I shrugged, "I've only been here for a little over 3 weeks, so the timetables are kinda compressed at the moment."
She nodded understandingly, her smile not faltering, "So, who said it first?"
Twilight and I looked at each other, then back to Cadance, "Well, actually, neither of us really said anything, per se, when feelings were made clear."
She looked at me, curious, "What do you mean?"
Maintain posture, straight back, shoulders squared, "Well, it happened at the Grand Galloping Gala. Twi and I were talking out on a balcony, then out of nowhere she gets up and kisses me."
Her smile widened a bit more than would seem normal, "Ooh. What happened then?"
Don't look him in the eye, look at her, "Well, if I'm to be honest, things weren't so clear-cut then. I told her I wasn't sure if I was ready for a relationship, what with had been happening the last two weeks of my life. We spent the rest of the night just as friends and went home. I snuck out the next morning, went into the middle of nowhere to think, and decided that I was ready."
I could still feel his gaze burning a hole into me. Cadance looked at Twilight, "So, Twily, how long did it take you to know?"
She blushed slightly and looked down, "Um, a day or two..."
"And what about you, Ryan?"
I shrugged helplessly, "Frankly, I was so busy with starting to have a life here that the thought of romance didn't really occur to me until the Gala."
She raised her eyebrows, getting more and more enthralled in the whole story, "But you knew when it happened?"
"Well, yeah, after the initial unsurety, I was, and still am, pretty positive."
She looked at Shining, "Oh, aren't they so sweet?"
Shining nodded severely, "Mhmm."
Cadance clapped her hooves together and got up, "How about I go make us some tea?"
Twilight smiled and got up as well, "I'll show you where I keep the teabags."
I froze as I realized that I was being left alone with Shining Armor. He watched me silently, waiting to hear the kettle go on. When it did, he leaned across to me,
"I'm only going to tell you this once: You'd better not be doing this just to buck my little sister, because I will have you shipped off to the deepest, darkest hole in the kingdom."
snap
I was used to the usual intimidation tactics by older brothers. Hell, I used plenty of them in my time, but it was an unspoken rule that that was over the line. I slowly turned my head to meet his eyes, my voice coming out hard and cold as iron,
"One, sex is currently a physical impossibility for me, due to several problems that I do not wish to discuss. Two, I live with her, screwing her and being done wouldn't be a very good idea when this place is my only home at the moment. Three, and most importantly, I have way too much respect for her to ever considering doing something like that. You get that through your skull, soldier boy, or I'll open up that head and force the idea in myself, got it?"
He kept up that same, unwavering glare, "If I find out that you hurt her in any way, so help me, Celestia..."
The last shreds of my fear of him melted away, replaced by indignant anger, "What reason have I given you to think that? Where I'm from, it's not unheard of for soldiers to beat their wives, do you see me accusing you of anything? I've faced death twice and spat in its eye twice. I've read up on wildlife and some of the villains that have been around recently, they are nothing compared to what I faced back home. I personally guarantee you that anything that tries to hurt her or get between us, you and the Princesses included, will be destroyed by me without a shred of hesitation."
Twilight and Cadance came back out with a tray,
"Tea's ready."
They stopped in their tracks when they looked at Shining and myself. Twilight spoke first,
"Ryan, is everything okay?"
They were looking at my left hand, which I then noticed had shifted to claws. I shifted it back and sat back up straight, calming myself down, "Yes, everything's fine, Twi, thank you."
There was a brief moment where no one moved or spoke. Twilight and Cadance were just staring at us, Shining was looking at me without a word. Finally, it was broken by Shining giving me a microscopic nod, "We're clear, then." His posture relaxed, he dropped the glared, and smiled at Cadance, jumping to a playful tone, "Well, come on, don't make us beg for our tea."
I passed. Oh, sweet jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, I passed. I relaxed back into my chair, thanking every god I could think of for letting that gamble work. Without missing a beat, Cadance set the tray down and poured each of us a cup, Twilight coming over right after her. I had to politely refuse the offer of tea, however, "I can't drink."
Cadance raised an eyebrow at me, "Tea?"
"Anything that has water in it. Doesn't settle with me too well."
We sat in silence as they drank their tea. Cadance looked at me when she finished, "I didn't ask, what do you do, Ryan? For a job?"
I straightened up, "I work at a club in town, I'm one of the DJ's."
She perked up slightly, "That's Club PON-3, right?"
I nodded, "Yeah, why?"
She looked at Shining, "Maybe that could be one of the things we do while we're here, Shiny."
He nodded thoughtfully, "I'd be alright with going. What about you, Twily?"
She shook her head, "No, you three can go. I'm not really big on clubs."
I looked at her, "Aw, come on, Twi, it's Tuesday, there won't be that many ponies there. And hey, I've been spending a lot of my time here seeing you work your magic, you can come see me work mine."
She looked torn, "I don't know..."
I nudged her, "And I know you can party, I saw you at the Gala."
She smiled at me, "Okay, for you."
I got up, "I'll call Vinyl, see if I can't grab a spot tonight."
> Proving Grounds
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		I managed to steal a spot early on in the night at the club. I don't know why Vinyl kept the club open 7 days a week, but she was the owner, I wasn't going to question her methods. And she certainly seemed to keep the place running smoothly. I headed out to help her set up at 6, the club opened at 7 and closed at midnight during the week. Vinyl was already getting things set up by time I got there,
"Yo."
I immediately followed suit,
"Hey."
I sent out the copies to get the rest of the jobs done. Vinyl glanced at me while we were working, "So, what gives?"
I looked at her, "What do you mean?"
She looked at me flatly, "You call me up asking to snatch a set tonight? Come on, Ryan, something's up, what is it?"
I shrugged, "Oh, nothing major. It's just that Twilight's brother and his wife are visiting, and his wife really wanted to come here."
Vinyl nearly snapped off the tap she was cleaning, "Her brother, Captain Shining Armor, and his wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza are coming here tonight?"
I set down the last of the chairs, "Yeah."
"Dude, why the buck didn't you tell me?"
I looked back at her, "Vinyl, what's the big deal?"
She walked over to me, "The Captain of the Royal Guard and personal guard of the Princesses, along with his wife, the ruler of the Crystal Empire are coming to my club. How is that not a big deal?"
I put up a hand to stop her, "Vinyl, what's wrong with you? They're just two more customers, if we single them out, things will get kinda awkward."
She didn't stop looking at me incredulously, "Yeah, well they're going to be pretty hard to miss in here."
I kept at my work, "They'll be glamoured, they'll look just like everyone else. Seriously, Vinyl, what's up? You're usually the one that has to calm down everyone else, not the one being calmed down."
She shook her head and went back to cleaning the taps, "Nothing, I've just got some personal stuff going on right now. Family troubles."
I pulled up short and turned to her, "Is everything okay?"
She shrugged, "I don't know, my brother's just acting like an idiot again."
Fail popped up on my shoulder and hopped over onto the counter,
"V, you sure you don't want any time off, get this shit sorted?"
She looked at him, "Fail, it's not that serious."
I sat back and watched them. Fail put up his hands defensively, "Hey, I'm just saying, family's one of the things you should stay on top of, above all else."
She cocked an eyebrow at him, "And where's this sudden sentiment coming from?"
He leaned up against one of the bottles out, "Because the three of us have had to deal with plenty of shit with family. It's a slippery slope. That, and most of the time when a girl says something is fine, she's lying."
I headed into the back to help the others finish things up. When I came back out, Vinyl was sitting on one of the bar stools, Fail looking at her with a victorious grin, "Sounds good. And hey, give Stringer one upside the head for me."
That got a small smile from her, "Alright, just for you, Fail."
He quickly scratched her head and turned to me, "Yo, boss, we alright with running things here for a few days while V sorts out some family shit?"
I looked over to Vinyl, "When are you leaving?"
She got out of the chair, "Tomorrow morning, I should be back for the weekend."
"Oh yeah, we can handle that."
Fail made his way back to my shoulder, "But let's see your A-game for tonight, alright, V?"
She mock-saluted him, "Yes, sir."
He flashed her another grin and disappeared.
"Was that genuine kindness we just saw from you, Fail?"
"Hey, just because I'm not a little bitch like you doesn't mean I can't be nice."
I ran a quick check of the extra eyes I set up, and everything was done. Now all there was to do was wait for 7 to roll on around.

Just like clockwork, the regulars trickled in at 7 on the dot. Twilight and co. didn't show up until around 8. I'm still not sure what Fail said or how he said it while I was in the back, but it worked, Vinyl was tearing it up. Cadance made a bee line to the dance floor, and I have to say, she has moves. Shining went over to the bar, and Twilight went over to one of the seating areas, just watching everything going on. After a little while it was my turn to go up. I kept noticing Cadance watching me, guess that meant she was impressed with how I was doing. Things were going until halfway through the set when Safe sounded the alarm,
"Boss, we have a suspicious drink, someone just dropped a pill in."
"Roofie?"
"No doubt. Tracking him now."
I tried to keep a cool head and keep playing,
"Boss. Boss boss boss, he's giving it to Twilight. Gray stallion, up at her seating area."
I stopped dead, snapping to the area, finding him immediately. I calmly clicked the pause button and grabbed the microphone, "Fillies and gentlecolts, one moment please."
With a flick of my wrist, two tendrils snapped out of my hand, crossing the room in under a second, one smashing through the glass, the other wrapping around the stallion's neck and yanking him back into my grip. Holding him by the throat, I grabbed the microphone again, "I'll be back in just a moment."
I clicked Play and walked out the back door with the stallion in tow.
I walked back in a few minutes later feeling much better and resumed the set, "Sorry about that, everypony, we're good now."
It took a few minutes for them to get back into it, but they at least didn't all walk out like last time I settled an issue in the club.

Another hour later and my set was done. Safe and Shining went over to calm down Twilight. I glanced at the clock as the set began to end,
"Alright, everypony, sadly that's all the time I've got for tonight. But y'all keep the party going for me, alright?"
There was a round of cheers and I stepped down, handing the stage off to Vinyl. Cadance fell into step with me as we walked up to them,
"Ryan, what was up with that earlier?"
I kept my eyes locked on Twilight, "Later. Twilight, are you alright?"
She looked at me, seeming a bit twitchy still,
"Yeah, but why did you do that, Ryan?"
I exchanged a glance with Shining and looked back to Twilight, "Come on, let's get out of here, I'll explain on the way back."
She sat there in silence for a moment before nodding slightly, "Okay."
We all headed out, I looked at her once we were a block away, "Sorry for reacting like that. Remember when I broke up that brawl at the club my first night?"
She nodded, "Yeah, I remember."
I hooked a thumb back towards the club, "That was the guy that stabbed me in the head, and because of that he's permanently banned from the club. Now, I don't know how he managed to get past security, but I was taking no chances with him that close to you."
"Well, why were you out back for so long?"
"Was waiting for the police to show up." I stopped and knelt down, Shining and Cadance keeping a slight distance. I put a hand on Twilight's shoulder and looked her in the eye, "Listen, Twi, I'm sorry if I scared you with that, I was just working off of reflex there."
She stood there for a minute quietly before nodding, "It's okay. I guess it mostly just kind of shocked me."
I smiled and gave her a quick kiss, "Alright then. Let's head home."

Twilight decided to head off to bed earlier than usual, which Safe reassured me wasn't because of anything in her system, just stress. That left Shining, Cadance and I sitting around the fireplace. After a few minutes of silence, Shining looked at me,
"So, what did he really do?"
I glanced over at him,
"Pardon?"
"The stallion that you grabbed, what did he actually do? Because I'm not buying your story at all."
I stared into the fire, "He tried to drug Twilight. Slipped a pill in a drink and tried to get her to drink it."
He got up immediately, "What!?"
I quickly shushed him, "For god's sake, sit back down, and lower your voice. Yes, he tried to drug her, I intervened."
He was absolutely seething, "Where is he?"
"In an alley by the club with the shit already beaten out of him, so don't bother."
Cadance was looking at me in shock,
"Why would he do such a thing?"
I sneered at the thought of him, "Some scumbag kid passing through, thought he'd try and get a few mares while he was here. I persuaded him to pass through quicker, and to avoid passing through again in the future."
Shining looked at me again, "You could have beaten the tar out of him then called the town guard. I could have overruled anything he said..."
Cadance looked at him, "Shining Armor, that is not what you use your power f-..."
I cut her off, looking at him, "I swore that I would destroy anyone that would try to harm her. I'm a man of my word."
He leaned back in his chair, "Better hope he doesn't contact the guard over this, could become a real pain."
"What's he gonna tell them? 'I tried to date-rape a mare and got the shit beaten out of me for it.'?" He nodded slightly, I got up, "I'm going to get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning."
Cadance smiled at me sweetly, "Good night, Ryan."
I returned the smile, "You guys know where the guest bedroom is?"
She nodded, "It's only a double, but we can squeeze."
I started to head upstairs. Shining called after me, "Ryan." I stopped and looked back at him, "Thanks for watching out for Twilight."
I gave him a nod, "S'what I do."
I went upstairs and held Twilight as close as I could.
> Nightmare
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

	At first, it was only blackness and silence, both utterly limitless. I was alone, I was nowhere, I couldn't see, I couldn't hear...I was afraid. Then, there was something, just the tiniest little whisper floating across my mind. I followed it as best I could, but the slightest motion was a trial, so I just sat there, still and afraid. Then there was another something, a bit louder now. I managed to move to chase it but, like the first, it escaped. After a time I began to wonder. How did I get here? What's going on? Why am I here? Finally, another something, louder than both of the first two passed by, just close enough for me to grab onto it and when I did, I hung on for dear life, wanting more than anything to get out of the darkness. Looking back on it, I kind of wish I had never left the darkness, it would have kept me from what I saw. What did I see? I saw plenty of things, none of them good. The first was just a little splash of red out of the blackness, a dark splatter the color of blood, followed by a distant echo of a scream. Another splash of red, another scream, louder this time, then another and another, getting louder and louder each time.
Eventually I had realized I had my eyes shut tightly, hoping not to see anything else, but I knew I had to open them sooner or later, so I did, and what I saw still haunts me to this day. I was in the town square of Ponyville, standing over a dead body...it was of Princess Celestia. All around me were corpses, the Mane Six, townfolk, ponies just coming in to visit the town for a weekend, and plenty of others. But, there was one pony who was still alive, one I guess I just couldn't kill. Twilight. She was pressing herself against the front door to city hall, terrified. I looked down at myself and saw that I was covered in blood, no prizes for guessing what from. I had a severe pain in my head, like slow pulses of intense heat on the back of my head, and there was this horrible stench all around me, it wasn't the dead bodies, it was far fouler. When I started to regain my focus, I looked back at Twilight again and something felt just a bit off. I felt a need to go to her, to take her, there and then at the front door of town hall, whether she wanted to or not. There was a little voice in the back of my head, saying it's what I should do, it's what I want to do. But, I noticed something else when I took another look at her. All around her everything was a bit darker and it went all the way to me, almost like there was something casting a shadow...I suddenly realized what those slow pulses of heat and that awful stench were, it was something's breathing. I turned around very slowly, and I was faced with something I thought I had buried.

"No..." I said, voice quaking with fear. It didn't say anything, it only smiled down at me, its teeth broken and rotten, "No, you can't be alive, I killed you, you're dead!" Its smile only widened at this, and it let out a rumbling chuckle like distant thunder. Once the chuckle died away, it did something it never did while it was alive...it spoke, with a voice like nails on a chalkboard and ripping fabric,
"I got better."
I started to shake from fear, "NO! I saw you die, you can't be alive, I killed you myself!" I clutched my head, "I killed you myself..."
It let out another chuckle, "Well, granted, I didn't get better all on my own, I had a little help." I looked up at it, curiosity overpowering fear, "Yes, as powerful as I am, even I can't bring myself back from the dead by myself."
I managed to choke a few words out, "W-who helped y-you?"
At this it seemed also happy to tell me, "Well, my new ally goes by many names through many different worlds and cultures: Eagla, Angst, Phobos, et cetera. But, if I remember correctly, his name in this world is..." It leaned in closer to me, right up to my ear, "...Nightmare." It pinned me with one giant foot, crushing me into the ground, "Now, Ryan, I want you to remember me, and remember that I'm back to stay this time. Now, I want you to do one more thing for me. I want you to wake up." I felt my bones collapsing one by one, it was crooning to me now, "Wake up, Ryan, just wake up..."

I did three things immediately when I woke up: Snapped my eyes open, tried to sit up and screamed. The first and third I managed to do, but the second was hampered by Vinyl pinning me down,
"Wake up, Ryan! It's just a dream!" She was screaming at me. I looked up at her, hyperventilating and shaking with fear. When I finally stopped shaking, she lay down next to me and just told me comforting little things, trying to make me feel better. I couldn't hear her, though, she was drowned out by Fail and Safe,
"Safe, what in the fuck was that?"
"I don't know, I'm running a systems check now. It should take under an hour."
"Well, whatever it is, I want it found now. If he's back, the we've got big problems."
"Yes, but if we rush the systems check, we might miss whatever caused that. Boss, we're going to go dark for now, go back to Vinyl, it appears she's almost as scared as you are right now."
After that, they went silent and I started to come back into reality. I was sitting up, Twilight was right next to me, her hooves wrapped around my chest,
"Shh, shh, it's okay, Ryan, you're awake now, whatever was in that dream is gone now." She crooned. After a few minutes, I finally stopped shaking and managed to get my breathing under control. She certainly didn't let go of me because of that, though. Eventually I had to speak up,
"I'm alright, Twi." I told her, gently pushing her hooves off of me, "Thank you, I needed that."
She looked at me, still clearly concerned, "You sure you're alright?"
I looked at her, "Was it really that bad?"
Her expression went completely deadpan, "You nearly broke the bed, Ryan..." I got up and went to the window, hands in my pockets, still trying to process everything that just happened. After a minute of my staring out into the night, she came over to me, "Ryan, what happened?" I pondered telling her the truth or lying to make her feel better. But I couldn't lie about some thing like this. I took a deep breath and turned to face her,
"I had a nightmare. God, I wish that's all that it was. You know how I have Fail, Safe, and The Beast?" She nodded slightly, "Well, before The Beast took on that title, he was called Rage, and he was balanced by another called Evil. They're like the dark versions of Fail and Safe. Anyway, Rage and Evil were the precursors to Fail and Safe, they were around back when I was on Earth. Rage was what he is now, just mindless violence and lust. That was not the case with Evil, he was more cunning, more ambitious. He wasn't content with just occasionally influencing my decisions, he wanted to take over entirely. As a result, I destroyed him, wiped him from my mind before I came here. But, it would appear that that was not enough." She cocked her head slightly,
"What do you mean?" I looked back out the window, up at the moon, "In my nightmare, I saw him again, he tried to get me to do some things that I'd rather not discuss. And he...he pinned me down and told me his return was assisted by another."
She shifted uneasily, "Did he say who?"
I took a deep breath and met her eyes, "The Nightmare."
Her eyes went as wide as saucers, "You don't mean..."
I nodded slightly, "Yes, that Nightmare. I don't think I'm going to be able to do this on my own, even with the help of Fail and Safe." I could feel my face harden with conviction, going to collect my things, "I'm going to have to go for a little while."
She trotted over after a moment, "Where are you going?"
I grabbed my bag and stood back up, "Canterlot. If there's anyone who would know how to deal with The Nightmare, it would be Princess Luna."
She took my hand in her hoof and looked me in the eye, "Promise me you'll come back safe."
I allowed myself a small smile and kissed her, "Don't worry, Twi, they can't kill me, I'm technically already dead, anyway."
She returned the smile and hugged me tightly, "Come back soon." I wrapped my arms around her, "I will." She let go and opened the door for me.
"Fail, Safe, have you confirmed that it was him?" Safe appeared on my shoulder,
"It's him, alright, nothing else leaves a psychological stain like that."
"We'll keep you updated if we uncover anything else, Boss." I nodded slightly and opened the front door. I walked out into the street, sprouted my wings, and took off for Canterlot and for some of the most unpleasant hours of my third life.
> The Court is Now in Session
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		I arrived at Canterlot Castle some time around 3 in the morning, and was stopped by a pair of Night Guards at the gates. Neither seemed particularly phased by my sudden appearance, and looked at me steadily,
"State your business." I returned the look,
"I request a meeting with Princess Luna, it is of the utmost importance."
The larger one looked at me skeptically, "What is the nature of this meeting?"
I quickly glanced around for other guards, "I cannot say, but it is extremely important that I see Princess Luna immediately." They crossed their lances in front of me, blocking the doorway. I looked at the larger one, "I apologize for my curtness, but this very much concerns the safety of Equestria, possibly the entire planet. If I felt I could tell you without there being an issue, I would, Night Guard, but I cannot, this information is exclusively for the Princesses. Now, I wish no harm upon you, but I am not afraid of forcing my way in if you two persist in attempting to keep me out of the castle, so I will ask one last time. Let, me, in." My voice had dropped to a near-demonic growl with those last few words, and I saw the Night Guard's stonewall expression waver for a split second. After a moment of consideration, he nodded slightly and moved out of the way, his colleague doing the same.
"Thank you. I again do apologize for my curtness. Have a pleasant evening."

It seemed luck was in my favor at the moment, as the throne room where the Night Court was held was completely empty, save for Luna and her small cadre of guards. She brightened up once she saw me, I'd guess if only at the prospect of an escape from the boredom of sitting alone in a throne room for hours on end,
"Greetings, Ryan, we understand that you requested to meet with us."
I bowed to her, "That is correct, Luna. I come with rather disturbing news that I wish to discuss with you..." I glanced at the guards, "...alone, if you may."
Each guard cast a brief glare at me, and after a few seconds, Luna spoke up again, "Very well. Guards, leave us for the time being." They all exited the throne room silently, closing the door behind them. Luna looked at me, "Judging by your tone, Ryan, it would perhaps be better if we discussed these matters in my quarters."
I nodded, "Probably."
She lead me down the winding hallways to her room, and I must say on a brief side note, most of the artwork people back home ever saw of the personal quarters of the Princesses did not do it justice. Merely being in the room made my mind feel more at ease, able to process my thoughts more clearly, it's an unreal experience. Anyway, once we were in, she pulled out two chairs and placed them across from each other, "Please, sit." I quietly obliged and she climbed into her own chair, "Now then, what, precisely, is this news you bring?"
I took a breath and told her everything I told Twilight, along with the few details I spared from telling her. Once I was done, she began pacing, looking to be a mix of seriousness and anxiety, "This is very unsettling news indeed, Ryan."
I looked at her, "Which is why I came to you, Luna. You dealt with the Nightmare for over a millennium, you seemed a reasonable source for advice on how to approach this situation."
She stopped pacing and looked back at me, her face trying to hide more than a bit of shame, "Yes, but our experience with the Nightmare was not like yours seems to be. We allowed our jealousy and anger towards our sister warp us, and the Nightmare tricked us into letting it in of our own free will. We will tell you what we can, but it may be less than what you hoped for."
I nodded thoughtfully, "Very well. Regardless, tell me all that you can."
She composed herself a moment and got back onto her chair, "The most important thing you must know is that the Nightmare is a master of deception and persuasion. It will attempt to trick you, lie to you, convince you that those around you are your enemies. Keep this in mind and it will give you a considerable advantage over its main strengths. That being said, it also wields great power, and while it may prefer to use more subtle tactics, it is not above simply forcing its way into the mind of any individual that it cannot deceive. But hopefully, and with my mother's blessing, this knowledge and the additional mental fortitude provided by your assistants should keep the Nightmare at bay for a short while. Your actions must be quick, decisive, and absolute, or it will simply overwhelm you with its will."
I listened intently, already feeling Fail and Safe beginning to prepare psychological defenses, "Is there anything more that you can do to assist me?"
She shook her head, "Under other circumstances, I would suggest calling upon the Elements of Harmony, as they have defeated the Nightmare once before. But, considering what you have told us about this Evil, it would be too high of a risk of losing the Elements. We are unable to directly intervene, either. The Nightmare knows us and our weaknesses. If given the chance it could force its way back into our mind, and..." She shuddered ever so slightly, "...we would prefer to not endure that experience again. We are sorry, Ryan."
I inclined my head to her, "It is alright, Luna, the information you've already given me should be very helpful in taking him on. Though I do have one last question: Would it not be unreasonable to assume that the Nightmare, and possibly Evil, are currently based in the Castle of the Two Sisters?"
She blinked, "How do you know of the Castle?"
I shrugged, "I do my history homework."
She nodded slightly, "Yes, that would indeed be a reasonable conclusion. Why, do you intend to take them on directly?"
I gave her a knowing grin, "Perhaps, perhaps not. Have a pleasant evening, Luna."
She looked at me for a moment, then nodded, "To you as well, Ryan."

I was maybe a mile away from Canterlot when Safe decided to speak up,
"Boss, we have some good news, some bad news, some really bad news, and some horrifyingly bad news."
I landed in a clearing and straightened myself out,
"Alright, let's hear it. From best to worst, please."
He appeared on my shoulder, "The good news is that we've located Evil. The bad news is that it seems he's taken a body as his own."
I nodded slightly, "Do you know whose body?"
Fail appeared on my other shoulder,
"Remember that copy you gave to Luna so she could get out of Night Court duty? That one. That's what that random splitting headache we had a few weeks back was. That's the really bad news."
I cursed under my breath, "And the horrifyingly bad news?"
They both disappeared, "He's been in Canterlot all night tonight."
For a few seconds I stood there in silence, processing. Then, once it clicked, I could hear my heart hammering like a drum. "Oh god...shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" I took off and flew back towards Canterlot, faster than I ever could hope to achieve any other day.

But, even with all my speed, I was far too late getting back to Canterlot Castle, as evidenced by the fact that as soon as Luna caught sight of me, she plucked me out of the air and slammed me down into the ground with the force of a falling comet. I laid there in agony, desperately trying to recover from suddenly having every bone in my body turned to powder at the same time, and she walked up to me, eyes blazing white with rage,
"WHERE HAS THOU TAKEN OUR SISTER?" I tried to form words, but I was too dazed and broken to make anything better than a pitiful croak. I could hear Fail and Safe yelling back and forth, I think they were trying to get me back up to functioning capacity. Luna pulled me in very close, to the point where my nose nearly touched her muzzle, and she spoke to me in one of the most terrifying tones any being capable of speech can perform; cold, quiet, righteous fury,
"Thou hast made a grave mistake with thine actions on this night." The last thing I saw before everything went black was the brilliant light fading from her eyes, replaced by betrayed, hateful tears. That, and the smaller Night Guard from earlier flashing me a knowing grin.
> Out of the Frying Pan...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		I didn't wake up for several hours, and when I did, I found myself in what appeared to be the deepest, darkest, most secure prison cell in Equestria. The cell was completely bare, save for a single torch on the wall. The walls, floor, and ceiling seemed to have been dug out of a single piece of sandstone, with a single small door on one side. I went over to the door and felt along the edges,
"Hermetic seal..." I leaned some of my weight against it, but it didn't seem to even give the inclination that it might move, "And it's not getting broken any time soon. Fail, Safe, you there?" They appeared on my shoulders, looking battered and bruised. Fail sat down, one of his arms in a sling,
"Yeah, we're still kicking, Boss." He let out a few pained coughs, "Albeit pretty weakly."
Safe leaned against my neck, staying silent, "Safe, you alright?"
"He can't talk for now, broke his jaw in that crash, had to wire it shut. I'll be speaking for him until he puts himself back together. But hey, maybe it's for the best that I get to talk instead of him."
He chuckled for a moment before dissolving back into another coughing fit. I sat cross-legged across from the door, "Alright, what can you tell me about Evil as of now?"
Fail got back up and hopped down to the floor, "Well, so far as we've been able to tell, he was resurrected by the Nightmare maybe a month after we got here. Going off of the readings we got from the copy he possessed, he's been taking in a whole lot of biomass since he got a hold of it. How he got it without Luna noticing, we're not sure. He's not to your levels yet, but he's still got a hell of a lot of oomph in him now. As for what happened tonight, Safe managed to pick up on him a few minutes after he pinched Celestia. Best guess right now is that he took her to the Castle of the Two Sisters to be taken over by the Nightmare."
I leaned back against the wall, "What would you say our chances are of taking him on?"
Fail shrugged helplessly, "If it was a one-on-one, purely physical fight to the death, we'd tear him apart. But, as it is, he has the psychological advantage, he's backed up by the Nightmare, which may or may not have already taken control of Celestia, and we just got a royal ass kicking by Luna. So, without some major-league backup, our chances are pretty shit right now."
Safe disappeared and started quietly tapping away at a terminal, I looked at Fail, "So what do you suggest we do?"
He turned to the door, "Well, right now we have to find a way to convince Luna to let us go, as there's no way in hell we're escaping this hole. Problem is that we're currently under roughly two miles of quartzite and magically sealed doors, and that even on our best day, neither me or Safe would have a chance of communicating with Luna if she didn't want us to, or get to our own bodies, let alone right now. So, as of right now, we are up Shit's Creek with no paddle, no boat and concrete shoes."
I let out a bitter chuckle, "Gee, thanks for the pep talk, Fail."
He shrugged again, "Just telling you how things are, Boss. Right now, best thing we can do is hope that Luna cools down and figures out that we're legit." I sat in silence for a moment, mulling over his suggestion, "I'm gonna go help Safe get things back in order upstairs. I'll talk to you soon, Boss." He disappeared back into my mind, and it was silent in the cell once again.

I spent the next few hours devising escape plans, scrapping them, recreating them using elements from the other plans, all to the quiet white noise of Fail and Safe getting the inside of my head back in working order. After what felt like the fourth hour or so, my planning was interrupted by Applejack suddenly appearing in my cell wearing, I kid you not, an honest-to-God suit of battle armor. There was no flash, no sound, the room was just empty one second, it wasn't the next. Needless to say, I nearly jumped out of my own skin when she made her entrance,
"A-Applejack?"
She looked at me squarely, I could practically feel her eyes burning into my soul, "Howdy."
I got up slowly, pushing away from the wall, "What are you doing here?"
She began to circle me slowly, "Y'all don't need to worry about that. What y'all need to worry about is why yer here."
I felt the strength in my knees and spine get cut in half at those words, "AJ, you have to liste-"
I was cut off by another sudden appearance, this time featuring Rainbow Dash, who was also clad in armor, accompanied by said pegasus shoving me back against the wall at around 80 miles per hour, "What have you done to Princess Celestia, you monster?!"
I frantically tried to push her off of me, "Dash, AJ, wait! I didn't take Princess Celestia, she was taken by Evil, this thing that was brought back by the Nightmare and-"
She cut me off, "We know, Princess Luna told us all about your little visit to her earlier, and how Celestia just happened to go missing minutes after you left. How do you explain that?"
I glanced over her shoulder and saw Fluttershy and Rarity standing behind Applejack, "Boss, what's happening?"
I quickly silenced Fail and looked back at Dash, "If you know about my visit to her, then you know why I visited her. That abomination has been revived and empowered by the Nightmare. She seemed the best person to see about it, as she dealt with it before and is also the freaking vanguard of dreams."
Now Twilight had joined the group, watching from the far corner. Rainbow Dash still seemed more than a little skeptical, "Okay, let's assume you are the real Ryan. How do we know that you haven't been taken over by this Evil guy, or the Nightmare?"
Thinking on my feet in interrogations has never been my strong suit, so I decided that I had to go all or nothing to convince them. I wiped all traces of fear off of my face and snapped my hand out, grabbing Rainbow by the throat, forming a Blade out of my other hand. They all took a half step back, Applejack getting ready to charge, Twilight and Rarity's horns bursting into light. I looked at them all and spoke in a deadpan growl, "Because, for all of your strength, for all of your speed, and for all of your magic, I could still slaughter the six of you without breaking a sweat if I was Evil." I brought the Blade up to Rainbow's throat, keeping an iron grip on her neck "And I would start with her for treating me so harshly. You all know that the real, unpossessed Ryan wouldn't do that. So, Elements of Harmony, make your choice."
Rainbow kicked and squirmed as viciously as she could, but she wasn't going anywhere. I met their eyes, one by one, finally settling on Twilight. She somehow maintained a scholarly face, studying me. After maybe ten seconds of eye contact, she spoke, "It's him."
The rest turned to look at her, Applejack spoke up first, "Are ya sure, Twilight?"
She nodded, "Only the real Ryan  would make a gamble like this."
Rarity chimed in next, "But what if it's just a ruse to get us to let him out?"
Twilight shook her head, "If this Evil character Princess Luna told us about is anything like she said he is, he wouldn't have gotten caught in the first place. Stand down, girls."
They hesitated for a moment, then kneeled, making it clear they didn't plan on fighting. I retracted the Blade and put down Rainbow Dash, who fell to the ground, gasping and coughing, "Good to see that there are still good judges of character around." I kneeled down by Dash, "You okay, Dashie?"
She took in a few more wheezing breaths, "Buck...you."
She coughed some more and I helped her to her feet, "Oh, don't be such a baby, I didn't squeeze that hard."
She looked at me incredulously, "You nearly broke my neck."
I shrugged, "Well, consider it payback for last Nightmare Night."
She nudged me, "Jerk."
The others got back up, looking relieved. Twilight trotted over and hugged me, "Thank Celestia that it's really you, Ryan."
I returned the hug, "Come on, Twilight, not even something that came from me can replace the real me."
That got a small chuckle out of her. They all moved into a small pack, "Come on, we should get you back to Princess Luna." I nodded and walked over to them.

Princess Luna was waiting for us there, also decked out in armor. She looked over at us, then to Twilight,
"Thou hast confirmed he is genuine?"
Twilight nodded, "Yes, Princess, it's really him."
Luna nodded in return, then looked to me, "We apologize for our treatment of you, Ryan, we were not acting with reason."
I waved her off, "It's okay, Princess, I've been through worse."
She looked at me sternly, then back to a projection she was making with her magic, seemingly detailing an assault on the Castle of Two Sisters. From what I could gather, it seemed to be a pretty solid plan, despite the enormous risks of sending the Elements of Harmony and Princess Luna up against a now surely corrupted Celestia and Evil. Luna looked around the table at the other ponies, "Alright, my little ponies, you all know what we must accomplish. Retrieve our sister from the Castle, destroy the Nightmare and Evil. You know the risks of this mission, but we must do so, lest Equestria is taken over by a corrupted Celestia. We have only one chance at this plan succeeding, and if we fail to bring our sister home by morning, then we are doomed. Prepare yourselves, we leave in one hour."
I looked at the plans again. All of the Elements and Luna were going up against Celestia and the Nightmare, leaving me to fight Evil on my own. "Well, we don't exactly have an alternative." I nodded slightly and went to retrieve my things. When it was time to go, I grouped up with the others, braced myself, and teleported into the middle of the Everfree Forest, less than five miles from the Castle,
"This is going to suck so much."
> ...And Straight Into the Pits of Tartarus
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		We were about as isolated as we could get, but it still felt like we were being constantly watched on our march to the Castle of the Two Sisters. I got a couple of things ready for the confrontation on the way,
"You sure you'll be able to handle Celestia?"
Luna shook her head, "Tis not our sister that we must worry about, tis the Nightmare that will be the problem. With luck, it will have had less experience with fire magic than with darkness."
I nodded slightly, "If we're lucky, its arrogance will be its downfall."
Rainbow Dash chimed in, "It's also seven to one, and we have a real good reason to beat it."
There was a low murmur of agreement through the group. There was a deep sense of foreboding when we finally arrived at the castle, going past what we knew about how unpleasant things were about to be. The ponies stood back as I armored up and charged the door as quickly as I could get going, punching a decent-sized hole through it. I dusted myself off and looked around while they came in after me. From what I could tell, calling the Castle old would be like calling the sun lukewarm. Everything about it seemed eternal, even in its state of disrepair. I suppose when two goddesses live in a building for an extended period of time, some of their immortality soaks into the walls. There didn't seem to be any immediate pitfalls or evil minions to slow us down, which hardly did anything to help make the place seem less threatening. The ponies certainly appeared to reflect my sentiments as they entered the castle, their expressions darkening. I turned towards the hallway least choked with rubble,
"Come on, we're not saving the world standing around like this." They nodded and began to follow me. I reached out with my senses as we searched the castle, listening for any sign of Evil or Nightmare Celestia, but came up with a whole lot of nothing. A few minutes later my conclusion was proven wrong, hearing a faint rustling in the air, followed by a quiet whimper from Fluttershy. I stopped dead and whirled around, only to be greeted by the sight of Evil

holding Fluttershy up by her mane with a blade to her throat,
"Well, hello there, Ryan, so excellent to finally see you again."
The others whipped around as soon as they heard his voice, only to stop dead when they saw the predicament Fluttershy was in. Rainbow Dash stomped her hoof and bared her teeth at him,
"Leave her alone!"
He grinned at her psychotically, "Rainbow Chromata Dashington, born and raised in Cloudsdale, orphaned at a young age, bullied for quite some time when you were younger. Took up protecting this young mare to help with your own self-confidence issues, evolving into a life long friendship and, judging by the look in your eyes, perhaps more than that."
She looked at him like she was just slapped across the face, "How do you know all that?"
He gave her a big, toothy grin, "It is my job to know, young lady. Besides, it's much easier to play with your food if you know more about it." She took a step towards him, he pulled Fluttershy back, the blade biting into her neck, "Ah ah ah, not so fast, you're not going to get her back that easily. If you want her back, we're going to do a little trade."
Twilight glared at him, "What do you want?"
He snapped to look at her, "My price, Twilight Sparkle, is your very good friend, Ryan."
I stepped up before any of them could speak,
"Deal."
He let out a low chuckle and looked at me, "Oh Ryan, being the white knight as always, despite how much blood stains your armor. You always were an overly sentimental fool."
I narrowed my eyes at him, "You stated your price, now let her go."
He faked a hurt expression, "Oh, but you made it so easy, there was no work for the reward. Hmm, maybe I'll just keep her anyway."
I could feel my claws starting to form, he pulled the blade tighter against her throat, "I'd suggest against that."
I could hear Fail and Safe hammering away at keyboards,
"Come on, there has to be something that we're not thinking of here. He could be stalling for Celestia, but there are no readings for magic outside of background noise."
That's when I saw a small thread of tissue, going from Evil's wrist into the back of Fluttershy's neck. He was infecting her with the virus. I rushed forward, hitting him like a comet, he seemed to have seen it coming. He shoved Fluttershy back towards the group before I hit him, laughing psychotically as he flew from the impact. I snapped back at the others, "Get Fluttershy out of here, now!"
She had collapsed to the floor, Twilight looked at me, "But we need her to defeat the Night-"
I cut her off, "Now! She's infected, I'll figure something out, but if she stays here, you all die."
I ran off in Evil's direction before they could respond.

He had blasted a large hole in the walls of the castle after I hit him, he was poised out in what looked like the remains of the old castle gardens, a gaping grin plastered across his face. I landed across from him, he didn't seem intimidated,
"You must admit, that was a rather clever trick."
I let out a low growl, "She was an innocent, she didn't need to suffer that fate."
He cocked an eyebrow at me, "Oh? Are you saying you didn't do the same thing to the people of Chicago one year ago?" I paused for a moment, counting the months back to when that happened, "That's right, you were reborn one year ago today, given the powers of a god, yet you squandered them destroying the very beings you helped create. If you think about it, every one of the Infected were your children, in a way, and you slaughtered them. So bravo on your fathering skills, I can only hope that the lovely Twilight would have been a better mother."
I felt volcanic fury bubble up inside of me, "I swear on everything that is holy, if you touch her, I'll-"
He looked at me, "You'll what? Kill me? Look how good of a job you did the first time. Besides, that's assuming you're even alive when I do so, anyway. In fact, maybe I'll extract Rage from your mind when I kill you and let him have her. She's already seen his face, if I recall correctly, so it'll be a familiar sight, at least."
Fail snapped at me, "Stay focused, Boss, he's trying to get you riled up, don't let him. Why is he still talking so much, it's not like hi-...boss, we've got movement, something real big."
I glanced around the area, Evil let out another chuckle, "Oh, so you finally noticed him? Your perception seems to be failing you, Ryan. Well, let's see if your combat abilities are still up to snuff."
With that, he vanished, leaving me alone in the garden. I looked around frantically until I felt a low, bone-rattling thud rumble through the earth. Then there was another, and another, and another, until I saw it break the treeline around the Castle, "Ho-lee fuck..." Evil never intended to fight me, he just wanted to lure me out so he could feed me to his new pet. He had infected freaking Cerberus.
> Survival of the Fittest
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

		I had faced down plenty of heavyweights in my time fighting the Infected, but not even a pack of their strongest hunters could come close to being as terrifying as the three-headed dog standing before me. It was a horrid sight, all of its fur had fallen off, leaving a naked, sore-mottled hide behind. Its claws and teeth had become oil black, but the most terrifying thing about it wasn't what had changed, so much as what hadn't changed. The monstrous dogs eyes were exactly as they had been described for centuries in literature from Earth and Equestria, bottomless black pits, lit with what looked like the fires of Hell itself, holding a rabid viciousness and unsettling intelligence within them. It may look a whole lot different, but Cerberus was just like many other dogs at its core; a hunter, bred to chase down its prey and kill it without hesitation or mercy. And all six of those eyes were pointed straight at me. Great. It charged straight at me, intending to take me down in one pounce. I dove forwards, barely managing to slip under it as it leaped where I had been standing, giving a quick swipe at its underbelly. Unfortunately, all that seemed to do was piss it off, as it let off a furious howl and was practically back on me when I turned to face it again,
"Shit!" I had to dive to one side to avoid getting crushed, "Boss, you gotta take out his speed advantage. If he gets a good grip on the ground, we're screwed." I put as much distance between myself and Cerberus, we circled each other, watching each others movements, waiting for the other to move. I was about to send out a Unit to distract it, but Fail piped up, "Don't, Boss, it looks like Evil could take control of any copies we send out. We're going to have to go it alone on this fight." I cursed under my breath and let my claws slide out, waiting for the big dog to try and rush me again. Sadly, it was not so simple. It got near a wall and reached out with one paw, knocking a few stones loose from the wall, then kicking them straight at me. I barely managed to dodge them, and had no time to dodge it when it charged right behind the stones. I at least managed to keep it from swallowing me whole, but that didn't stop it from tearing my right arm clean off. I leaped back, clutching at the stump, dripping leaking biomass,
"Shit on a stick!" I fell to one knee, gasping from pain, "We can't let it get in another shot like that." I bit down and forced more mass into the stump, quickly reshaping a rough copy of my lost arm, fighting through the agony. I saw it tearing at my severed arm when I heard Evil's voice inches behind me,
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, I'm disappointed in you, Ryan."
He followed up by kicking me in the back hard enough to send me flying across the garden and into the outer wall of the castle. I dragged myself back to my feet,
"Two versus one?"
"This doesn't look good, Boss."
"Thanks for the breaking news."
Evil grinned broadly, looking at Cerberus, "Isn't he just the sweetest little thing? Sure, he plays rough sometimes, but he's a big teddy bear at heart."
I tried to better restore my arm, but it was still barely any better than a mannequin's. I kept glancing back and forth from Evil to Cerberus, trying to keep track of them. Cerberus was still chewing on my arm, Evil was watching me silently, a manic gleam in his eyes, "We can't fight both of them at once, Boss. We gotta take one out now if we're going to survive this."
I looked around the gardens for a moment, then threw out a tendril at the wall directly above Evil, hauling on it as hard as I could manage, sending the whole thing tumbling down on his head. That was the idea, anyway, but he dodged it easily, "A good idea, but hardly imaginative, Ryan. Come on, think outside of the box for once, I know there's some creative spirit in you, even if you did steal most of it from your victims."
With that, Cerberus rushed me again, pinning me up against the castle walls, its heads on either side snapping at me. I dug my claws into the head of the first one, that at least got it to back off, the center head lolling slightly to one side. I snapped tendrils at its face, driving it back further,
"I don't think that idea will work too well, Fail." He kept hammering away on his end,
"Then what do you suggest?"
I took a deep breath, "Open His cage."
There was a brief moment of silence, save for Cerberus' pained growling, "Boss, are you sure that's a good idea?"
"No, but it's all we've got right now."
I began preparing the needed biomass for His entry, "Shit, I hope this works." I heard him running out, accompanied by the jingling of keys. Evil looked at me quizzically, Cerberus seemed to have recovered and was getting ready for another charge, "Shit, shit, shit, which key is it?"
Cerberus began to slowly pad towards me, quickly picking up speed, "Hurry it up, Fail!"
"I'm trying! Come on, come on, work!"
I heard the small click-thunk of an old locks tumblers falling into place and opening. There was a split second of silence as Cerberus entered the air, headed straight towards me. I shaped the biomass to suit its incoming inhabitant, pointed at Cerberus, and roared with every shred of authority I could muster, "Rage, attack!"
I felt Him rush through my mind and into the body I shaped,

keeping the momentum and hitting Cerberus like a runaway freight train, carrying them both through the air and over the castle walls, out of sight. I slowly turned to face Evil, baring my teeth. He looked at me with an expression that bounced between mild surprise and amusement,
"Bravo, Ryan, you're finally taking risks. But sadly, without my brother in you, you just lost a rather large amount of your ferocity. A good gamble to deal with my pet, but you still fail to look ahead at the problem of facing me afterwards."
I shifted my weight, getting ready to move, "That's implying that you were ever a very good fighter yourself, Evil."
He nodded thoughtfully, "You speak the truth, but you are forgetting one very important factor. I've been spending these last few months training with one of the more powerful beings in this dimension, who also just happened to take control of a sun goddess." Flames trailed up his arms, completely engulfing them, "And I may or may not have learned a few things about magic from my associate in that time."
He slammed his hands together, sending a pillar of fire the size of a house barreling towards me. I quickly formed a shield and slammed it into the ground, ducking behind it. I may not have gotten hit directly by the flames, but I still felt Perdition's wrath snapping at me, peeling back a large amount of skin and completely burning off my hair. I fought to regenerate the lost tissue, but it was an uphill battle against the flames. I donned the best armor I could manage at the moment and kicked the shield as hard as I could straight towards Evil. For a brief moment, I felt the hottest, most devastating mind-shattering pain I have ever experienced, barely protected against the full assault of the flames. But it would seem Lady Luck decided to give me a hand, as I heard a dull thud and the flames suddenly ceased. I fell to my, knees, gasping from the pain. I heard a pained wheeze from Evil and saw him get back to his feet, one arm completely crushed, the shield embedded in a wall near him,
"Not bad, not bad at all. You're starting to get a hold of thinking on your feet, Ryan. Or thinking at all, for that matter."
I shakily got back to my feet, maybe half of my body still covered by skin, my jacket burnt to a charcoal black, "Why thank you, Evil, I try my best to impress."
I reached into my jacket, reaching for what I had stowed in my bag. I had just barely gotten a grip on it before Evil smashed into me, carrying me to the nearest wall. The impact nearly snapped my spine, I was seeing stars, but I kept a grip on the object. Evil kicked my arm, pulling it and the object out of my jacket. I was holding a two foot long metal pipe, bent slightly at the last six inches. It had an inch and a half wide hole bored into the unbent portion, and it was only adorned with a small button, covered by my thumb, "Oh, and what is this, a cudgel? Did you intend to beat me with a lead pipe, Ryan?"
It was my turn to grin like a maniac as I gripped the personal project I had been working on with Iron Hoof the last few months, "No, no I don't, Evil." I gave him a solid punch in the groin, pushing him back. I raised the pipe to face him, "This!" I roared, channeling every last shred of Ash Williams I had, "Is my boomstick!"
I slammed my thumb down on the button, and with a roar of thunder that would've put Pa's old double-barrel to shame, sent roughly five pounds worth of tungsten shot going several thousand feet per second straight at Evil's head. Needless to say, it did its work like a miracle, taking his head and a good chunk of his upper body off. I threw the shotgun aside and hauled myself to my feet, laughing like a psychopath, "BOOM, HEADSHOT!"
Fail and Safe stopped typing,
"Activating Failsafe Mode now." I felt power flood into my body, the wounds I had suffered fading away in an instant, my body shifting to an even more powerful form.

Evil had already begun to regenerate, and I experienced another first for him. I saw real, genuine fear on his face. I let out a roar that could have rivaled my shotgun and charged him, sinking my claws into his chest and carrying him to the opposite wall, then through it and through the next three walls before coming to a stop, switching to hammerfists and pounding him into the floor savagely. I plunged my hand into his chest and tore out his heart, still beating. And with one final smash, I crushed his skull like a grape. I grabbed the body and dragged it back to the garden, tossing it into the pond, and watching it as it dissipated into nothing. I caught a flicker of movement and saw The Beast atop the wall, spattered with blood, watching me. He dropped down and walked over to me without a word. I shifted back my weight,
"Don't think I won't destroy you, too."
He looked at me silently, then pointed to the pond, speaking in a voice like grinding stone,
"Weak." He pointed to himself, "Strong." I looked at him unflinchingly, he returned the look, then pointed to me, "Stronger."
He turned and started walking away without a word. I took a step towards him, "Where do you think you're going?"
He didn't look back, "Away."
I felt my claws begin to form, "You know I can't let you run wild."
He stopped and looked back at me. He pointed to himself again, "No more violence."
I nearly stumbled back at those words, "What?"
He pointed at me, "Stronger. Purpose fulfilled."
I paused, thinking about what he had just said, "You were supposed to make me stronger?"
He nodded, "Make stronger, leave when stronger. Purpose fulfilled"
I pointed back to the pond, "What about him?"
He remained stony-faced, "Make smarter. Purpose fulfilled."
With that, he padded away, hopped over the fence and disappeared into the night. Unfortunately I was given no time to celebrate, as the battle between Luna and what was left of the Elements versus Nightmare Celestia seemed to still be in full swing. I heard Fails and Safes voice together,
"We have to move, now." I quickly grabbed the shotgun, stuffing it back into my jacket and sprinted to the castle throne room.

Things were not looking good when I arrived. Luna was holding up a shield of magic around her and the Elements, Celestia was pouring an incredible amount of fire onto it. Twilight and Rarity were doing what they could to bolster Luna's shield, the rest were tending to Fluttershy. She looked the worst of all, the infection was spreading quickly. I dove behind the shield before I got caught in the fire. Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Pinkie Pie snapped their heads up to look at me. Pinkie spoke first, panic creeping into her voice,
"OhmigoshRyanareyouokayyou'recoveredinbloodandsmelllikeburntmeatandFluttershyisreallyreallysickwedon'tknowwhattodo."
I put up my hand to silence her,
"I'm fine, Pinkie." I turned to look at Applejack, "AJ, do you know if there's any way to fully wield the elements without Fluttershy?"
She shook her head,
"Ah don't think so, sugarcube. What with Twilight and Rarity helping Luna with the shield, we'd be lucky to get to use them even with Fluttershy."
I took a deep breath, "Stand back a bit."
"Boss, what are you doing?"
I rolled up my sleeves and put my hands over Fluttershy's head and chest, "If there's going to be any chance of them beating Celestia, Fluttershy needs to be on her feet now."
I readied myself, "Boss, we've sustained a lot of damage tonight, this could easily be a one-way trip."
I nodded, "I know."
Rainbow Dash looked at me, "W-what are you talking about, Ryan?"
I looked back at her, "She needs to be on her feet, now, Dash. I can remove the infection and heal her, but I don't know if I'll survive it."
Their faces dropped, Pinkie stepped up, "B-but Ryan, how will we have human-pony parties without you?"
I bit my lip, "I don't know, Pinkie. I'm sure you'll find a way. Dash, I want you to do me a favor."
She looked at me, "Yeah?"
I swallowed, "If I don't make it out of here, tell Twilight I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise and that I love her."
She flinched slightly at hearing that, "O-okay, Ryan, I will."
I took a deep breath and looked down at Fluttershy, "Bless you, Fluttershy, on the power of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. May the road always rise up to meet you, and may the wind always be at your back."
I extended tendrils into her, seeking out the infection and consuming it, repairing the corrupted tissue and restoring her consciousness with a burst of adrenaline. I fell onto my side as she sat up with a gasp. I saw Rainbow embrace her for a moment before Applejack said something to them. My hearing had faded to a constant, deep roaring sound, kind of like when you're underwater. Blackness was creeping at the edges of my vision. Applejack and Rainbow Dash helped Fluttershy up and got her Element on her. I saw Twilight and Rarity turn back towards them. They all grouped up, a rainbow of light beginning to form between them. Luna dropped her shield an instant before a brilliant white light erupted from the Elements, crashing into Celestia, bathing her in its brilliance. With the last of my strength, I reached into my breast pocket and held onto a small charm, the bullet that was used to kill my brother. Twilight rushed over to me as soon as the light faded. Then, blackness.

And when you wake up

Everything is gonna be fine

I guarantee that you wake in a better place

In a better time

So you're tired of living

Feel like you might give in

Well don't

It's not your time