The Least of Them

Chapter One: The Least of Them

The Way, at the beginning, is obscure. Even the initiatory steps are wreathed in mist. The heights toward which the path lead apparently are closed within clouds, which seem, from a perspective below them, beyond penetration and that is for the best, for to see too clearly what lies ahead would be altogether too intimidating. The sobering realizations come only in retrospect: the traveler on such a Way has left behind a familiar and comfortable place; he has entered a journey;
more challenging, more rewarding than ever he could have imagined at the start.
Further along he comes to see that his Way is to a destination still utterly unfathomable
yet intensely attractive to him.
—Sword and Brush-The Spirit of the Martial Arts: Dave Lowry.

His name was Dusty Miller. Now there were several others named Dusty, so he was just known as Grey.

The name suited him. Grey was the colour of his coat, his tail and his mane. He had nice blue eyes which seemed to contradict his grey colour.

He never wanted to stand out in a crowd or get attention. Grey would think to himself, those on pedestals tended to get knocked off; best to be inconspicuous and ordinary. Without a family, he had no social standing but it didn’t matter in a small town like Ponyville. He was the least of the earth ponies, just above donkey in his mind, and that was fine.

The teasing games played on him by his friends stung just a little. He could really do without the song The Old Grey Mare. He knew he was not old or a mare. But they were singing to him and about him and if he kept smiling and being positive it didn't sting, hardly at all. He knew he was being too sensitive. ‘Grey as a mule and mules don’t feel pain’. That was hurtful.

Grey enjoyed any game that involved running. Running and kicking a ball, running and chasing or just plain old racing. No complex rules or picky score keeping. Out in the fields, open skies and sunshine, kicking up your hooves, that was the life for a pony. His best day ever was the day teacher told the class that those picked last for games should be made team captains and do the choosing.

In the morning the town market would open. It’s always a nice stroll down the market street to see everyponies wears. Everything is colourful and made with care. Ponies would buy what they needed for the day and socialize. Everything a pony could want was found in the market.
Grey counted himself lucky that he didn’t need things. He had no place to put them and if he did, he would have to worry about them.

Food is extremely abundant in the valley. Fields of hay and pastures of grass on two sides of Ponyville. Pastures close to town belonged to pony families. They farm and harvest for the winter. Grey would just walk past the farms to the open fields if he was in the mood for hay. Like any pony, eat the grass you’re standing on. Sweet Apple Acres was on the other side of town and then the Everfree forest. In the winter Grey went hungry. Grey ate dry grass from under the snow and attended festivals and parties just for the food. It didn’t matter that the Town usually forgot to pay him. It had been so long now that Grey thought that the town staff would consider him rude for asking. He didn’t like being snapped at by ponies in authority and he would not beg. He had his pride, if nothing else.

Apples were a little different. The Apple family apples were famous across the land. If a pony wanted a basket of perfect Apple family apples it would cost eight bits. Imperfect or bruised apples are left on the nearest fence before being given to the livestock. All a pony has to do is walk up and eat one.

The sounds of the market woke Grey. He stood up simultaneously stretching and yawning. Then he walked from the field into town and the market square.
Grey thought to himself, Time to go check for free samples.
Grey had no problem with free samples, just no pity. Then he saw her. She was carrying a basket full of bunnies inspecting the carrot cart. It looked like she was trying to find the best of the best carrots for the bunnies.
All right Grey, stand tall, walk toward her in a straight line, maintain eye contact. Don’t act like a predator.
She saw him right away. So obvious. She held the bunnies’ basket in her mouth and stared at him with wide eyes. Grey walked very slowly. He took one more step and she took a step away from the cart. One more step forward and another step away. Grey lifted his hoof and she was gone in a flash.
Grey’s running team mates came over.
Ginger Red was the leader of the group, “Gotta tell ya buddy. We all saw that and we’re all embarrassed for ya.”
Grey’s ears drooped, “Thanks.”
Ginger said, “It looked like you were stalking her like a starving predator. I’ve seen dragons stomping through the forest with more subtlety than you.”
Kip Cat turned to Ginger, “You've never seen a dragon.”
“I just saw Grey scare Fluttershy like he was a dragon.”
Grey said, “Friends are supposed to have helpful and encouraging things to say.”
“Just statin’ a fact buddy. You know we’ve all been there. Trying to get close to Fluttershy and say hello before she runs off. It’s just that none of us have ever tried in the middle of the town square and failed so badly in front of everypony.”
“Again not helpful,” Gray said. And a little jealous.
“All right buddy, we’ll cheer you up. It’s almost suppertime what do you want to eat? Moping in the field is not an option.”
“I’m not very hungry.”
Ginger snapped back, “What did I just say about moping? How about some carrots?”
The other two snickered.
“Always the teasing game with you guys," Grey sighed.
Kip Cat interjected, “We spotted fresh apples on the Apple's fence closest to town. We’ll scarf down the best ones and head home.”
They did just that. They talked about racing and the condition of the racing tracts. Grey felt better. He knew that being with his friends and talking was much healthier than moping in the field.
Ginger Red asked, “You want to come over to my place after supper?
“My job starts soon.”
Kip criticized, “You have a weird job. It keeps you from training and you’re always tired on race day.”
“I like it. It gives me time to think,” Grey countered.
Ginger said, “Ya, think about Fluttershy and plan more accidental encounters. It’s unnatural for a pony to work at night.”
Grey sighed, “It’s fine. Everypony has their special talent, a job for every pony and a pony for every job etc. etc.”
Kip Cat and Carmel said their goodbyes and walked off towards their respective homes.
Ginger said, “I’d better get going too before I get in trouble. Eat some more you’ll never win a race or a game with your ribs showing through.”
“I’ve heard it all before. I’ve never won a major race or game anyway.”
As Ginger Red walked away he said, “No moping, enjoy the sunset.”
“Enjoy the sunset, Red.”
‘Enjoy the sunset’ is what ponies say and do in the evening. Everything is clean and put away by this time and the day is done. Ponies watch the sunset from their windows in their homes standing in the field or road. It is very relaxing to a pony. It ends a perfect day and gives a pony a good night’s sleep.
Grey had several favourite spots in the field beside town. Tonight felt like the small hill near the centre of the field. There were three ponies standing on the road close to field and one standing by herself a hundred lengths into the field. Grey could hear some of the louder windows and shutters creak open. All part of the routine. The sky overhead was darkening as the sun went behind a stand of trees at the end of the field. The sun was now safe to look at. There were no clouds and it made the light very orange. The orange light cut through the trees and the trees left long weird shadows on the town. The ponies turned different colours with the light.
Grey thought, ponies turn different colours in the sunset for a reason. And I would probably never figure it out. His coat always turned the same colour as the sunset. Not very interesting. Grey turned back to the sunset. His head was sinking with the sun. He knew that if his head touch the ground he would be asleep and in trouble. He stood up shook his mane and walked back to town.
The first thing Grey would do was to take out the flint and sparker and light a torch then light the street lamps. The street lamps weren’t for Grey but for anypony out visiting late needing some light to get home. Then came the street sweeping itself. He would start in the town square and work his way out; the cobble stone town square, then the streets, then the dirt and grass roads. He would inspect cobble stones for repair and the ground for ruts that would have to be filled in.
Then, empty the dust bins.
This gave Grey time to think. How can I impress her? How can I even get close to her?
Growing up Grey enjoyed the old stories and fables; ponytails.
What would they say? A heroic grand gesture? How? I couldn’t even get close to her.
Then let her come to you.
Grey’s last task. Put the broom and equipment away and blow out the street lamps.
Grey walked to the hill and watched the moon set. As the moon lowered Grey’s head lowered. When Grey’s head touched the ground he was asleep.

/]*[\

The noise of a ball bouncing in front of Grey’s nose woke him. “I’m asleep.”
Grey heard Kip Cat’s voice. “You’re always asleep. We have time for one game before we have to help set up for the festival.”
Grey opened his eyes and looked around. It was mid-morning. Ponies were in the field chasing balls.
“Give me a break Kip Cat, I worked all night.”
“You can nap in the afternoon before the festival like every other pony. We need one more for the team.” Kip replied.
Grey thought, one of the few nights of the year that I have off is also the shortest.
Kip seems to be getting a little more assertive. He’s the smallest and youngest in the group. Maybe he’s just growing into himself?
Great, another bossy unicorn.
Kip Cat said, “There is an important dignitary coming from Canterlot to help organize.”
“Let me guess, unicorn, right?”
“What?”
“You don’t want me; you want a player, somepony to fill a space. I’ve got something to do.”
“Nopony has ever seen you do anything,” answered Kip.
“By Kip.”
Grey walked away, stopping to take a drink at the water trough.
The most obvious place to start looking for Fluttershy was the bunny pasture. The bunny pasture was a nice hedged area full of grass and flowers. Grey walked in and looked around. Fluttershy must have been here already. There was lettuce and carrots all over the place. The bunnies had been fed. There were all kinds and colours of bunnies. They watched Grey as he moved to the middle of a large group of bunnies. Grey stood there. I will be your guardian. The bunnies slowly moved away from Grey. Great, even the bunnies are on to me. And why do they always look at me like that? Those leftover carrots look good. Grey’s stomach grumbled. Stealing from an animal was just not done. Besides Fluttershy isjust indifferent to me now. If she was mad at methe whole town would hate me.
Where next? The bird choir tree. No birds. No birds even in sight.
What’s that?
A balloon was landing in the town square.
Now that’s not something you see every day. Nothing else to do, might as well check it out.
A crowd was gathering. A new pony was introducing herself around. A green blob fell out of the balloon basket.
There’s Fluttershy! She’s distracted by all the commotion. An idea! Must move quickly. Grey ran to the broom cupboard and took out his last coin from its hiding place. He ran to the flower shop and put his coin on the counter.
“What will this buy me?”
Rose answered, “Any bouquet from that section. What kind would you like?”
“Um, pink and yellow.” Girls like flowers the same colour as themselves, right?
The floweriest wrapped the flowers and gave them to Grey. He ran back to the crowd, flowers in mouth.
Fluttershy was still there, awestruck by the blob, “A baby dragon! I’ve never seen a baby dragon before. He’s soooo cute. Oh. my, he talks, I didn't know dragons could talk, that’s just so incredibly wonderful, I just don’t even know what to say. And what do dragons talk about?” Fluttershy was gushing over the green blob.
Dragon, so that’s what that thing is.
The visiting dignitary pony picked up the dragon with her magic and put him on her back and started walking away. Fluttershy followed asking the dragon questions. She was going on about how cute every part of him was when they walked by Grey. He thrust out the bouquet as Fluttershy passed. Grey couldn’t say anything; his mouth was full of flowers. She didn’t notice him. She just kept going on about how cute and beautiful this baby dragon was and walked right by him without even noticing him.
Grey was devastated. That was his last coin. That was a heroic and grand gesture. He was spontaneous. Grey did everything right according to the old stories. He didn’t understand why nothing seemed to work.
Grey found a patch of grass next to a cottage. He sat down and ate the flowers. He looked at the half eaten stems.
Manure! I could have given the bouquet to that visiting pony. That would have been a nice gesture too.
Grey ate the rest of the stems and paper.

/]*[\

Later in the day it was time to help set up for the Summer Sun Celebration. Carrying tables is easy. Crouch, walk under the table, stand, and walk to where it’s needed.
Somepony shouted at Grey, “Look out for the door!” Bang! Okay, going through doors takes two ponies.
Table cloths, decorations and chairs came from homes and some from the town hall.
Ponies were bringing food and drinks. The sun was starting to set. The hall was filling up with ponies. The celebration was about to begin. All the younger ponies were going to a surprise party at the library. Grey stopped at a table and ate a couple of muffins. It had been months since he ate anything baked. Ponies near him raised their eyebrows' and looked down at Grey. It wasn’t time to eat yet. Grey didn’t care. He was leaving and he was not in any mood to explain his actions.
Grey found a nice spot to watch the sunset.
The moon should be very bright tonight. A full moon at its perigee, on the shortest night of the year. That’s pretty rare. Probably hasn’t happened in a thousand years.
Grey fell asleep before the full sunset.
The next morning Grey woke to the sound of cheering coming from the town square.
They’re still partying. That’s good; maybe there would be some leftovers to eat.
Grey walked into town. The square was full of ponies. It looked like all the ponies from Ponieville and the outlying area. Ponies in fancy dress Grey didn’t recognize. There was a stage set up with a podium on it. Grey was at the back of the crowd, he could see Princess Celestia herself and could just make out the visiting unicorn, the Mayor, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy. The crowd cheered.
Grey asked the pony next to him, “What’s going on?”
“Be quiet and listen,” came her response.
Grey couldn’t make out everything that was being said. When the crowd applauded he stomped, when the crowd cheered he cheered for Fluttershy.
When it was over Grey listened to the conversations going on around him. Seems The Six had just defeated Nightmare Moon and saved Equestria!
What! And I slept through it? I should have been there. I should be protecting Fluttershy.
Doesn’t sound like she needs protecting does it?
Grey listened to many versions of what happened and finally piecing together the epic story.
Wow, one of the best ponytails I ever heard. It’s destined to be a legend like the old stories. And I know the ponies, The heroes of the story. The heroes of Equestria.
Well, you come from the same town.
The crowd was thinning out and there was a lot to clean up. Stage, banners, podium. Grey ignored what was on the ground. Then the clean-up from The Summer Sun Celebration. Ponies talked and gossiped while they worked. Grey always perked up his ears whenever somepony mentioned Fluttershy. He would pretend to be doing something and make his way over to eavesdrop on the conversation.
It was late afternoon when everything was put away. Grey wanted to go for a long run. It had been days since he had a good run. A few mouthfuls of grass and then running through the hills with the occasional ‘yea Fluttershy’!

/]*[\

Grey was in a bad mood that night at work. His thoughts were getting harsher.
You can’t ignore it any more.
Confound the confetti. Doesn’t anypony know how hard that stuff is to sweep up off cobblestones?
You need to stay up as long as you can anyway so you can sleep properly tomorrow.
What will the moon look like tonight?
Grey moved to the middle of the square.
Oh, the Mare in the Moon is gone. That’s kind of sad. She was always there on those nights when I was feeling alone. Oh well, a new moon to get used to. Being positive.
Everything put away, streetlamps blown out. Missed the moon set. Oh well watch the sunrise while finding a place to sleep.
The sun on Grey’s face woke him.
What’s the sun doing over there? Afternoon already! So hungry. Sleep cycle totally screwed up. Apple family apples are defiantly on the menu.
There was a long line of apple carts going back to Sweet Apple Acers from the orchard.
What is that green-purple blob doing?
Spike the baby dragon was examining apples from the cart he was riding in. After looking at an apple he would toss it over his shoulder.
Well obviously that fat dragon has never been hungry!
Grey ate a lot of apples that day. At first he went down the road toward the orchard eating rejected apples along the way until he caught up with ponies putting apples on the fence. Then back to where he first saw Spike. No more apples. Then back to the fence apples. Fresh bruises on Apple family apples were nothing.
A few days later Grey walked into town. The ponies were all abuzz about something. Grey listened to the conversations. Fluttershy and her friends were going to the Grand Galloping Gala at the Canterlot castle.
Wow! Well I guess it makes sense. They are the heroes of Equestria after all.
Grey helped the merchants pack up their carts and got ready for work.
Best part of this job, it gives me time to think.
Worst part of this job, it gives you time to think.
She’s going to the triple G. She might as well be royalty. She is so out of my league.
And what league would that be?
Is there a bottommost?
And what would they say to you?
Not for you Grey, not for you. She’s not meant for you. It’s a complete waste of time to think of her.
Bad pony.
Okay, think of something else.
Why aren’t you happy?
Oh yea that’s much better. I don’t want to be happy, giddy, or silly. I just, I just want this deep down hurt to go away.
You know what the Elderponies say; ‘If you’re sad for a month or two you go to the doctor, you just do’.
And what would I say? ‘I’m lovesick. Cure me’. I don’t want to be happy, silly or giddy; I just want to be level, balanced. Normal. Accepted as part of the herd. I just want to hear it once.
They think you’re slow in the head.
I’m not; I just need more time to get the answer or figure out the game. I am slow in the head.
There was a piece of confetti that Grey missed. It was between two cobblestones. The broom wouldn’t move it and the corner of his hoof couldn’t reach it. A big drop of water hit it.
That’s right. The Pegasi said there was rain booked from midnight to morning.
Grey rushed to get his equipment put away.
That’s good. The rain will take care of that confetti.
Grey stood in the middle of the square.
I like to work at night.
Nopony sees you working hard.
I like the rain.
Nopony can see you standing alone in the rain.
Nopony can see, nopony can see tears in the rain.

/]*[\

Weeks passed. Grey has become more despondent.He doesn't run with his friends or even talk to anypony. He does the least amount of work possible. He sleeps most of the time. Grey has stopped eating.
Why don’t you go up to the bulletin board and write your name on the birthday calendar?
Shut up! I enjoy a moment at every birthday party to imagine that it’s my party.
Every birthday party is partly yours? Selfish pony! You’ve been to less and less parties anyway. You interact with them less and less.
They know all my sleeping places.
Your hiding places. You don’t have friends, you have acquaintances. They tolerate your existence, nothing more.
Fluttershy, love?
You can’t miss something you never had. Fluttershy loves animals and you act like a predator around her.
If I could just sleep properly. I want to sleep more, longer without being disturbed. They don’t wake me up on purpose; different ponies find me in different places. They just come across me.

“O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space
—were it not that I have bad dreams.”
Hamlet: act II,scene II.

Nopony cares about what you’ve read. Doing things the same way and expecting different results is what, crazy. Well you are getting crazier.
When is something going to go my way? When will I win a race or a game? When do I get my story? Do something different and I fail. Why must I fail at everything? Why is my life such a struggle when others have it so easy?
Grey threw his broom across the square. His broom took a beating that night.
The next morning somepony was nudging Grey.
“Wake up homeless pony, you can’t sleep here.”
“What? Oh.”
Grey had fallen asleep on somepony’s lawn.
Is that what they think of me? Homeless? Ponies don’t need homes.
They think you’re a bum.
Yesterday’s race hadn’t helped. Grey had entered months ago and felt obligated to go. He was usually in the upper third at the finish. On his best day he was right behind Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Ginger Red, Carmel and Kip Kat. This day he gave up half way through the race and faked a limp as he walked across the finish line.
You didn’t even try.
What’s the point? I didn’t train for it; my heart just isn’t in it anymore. Will this hurt ever stop?
There is a way out. The path on top of the mountain. It gets very close to the edge.
That is a forbidden thought!
Still, just standing there, a gust of wind, the ground could give way all by itself. The hurt would end.
Grey, this is getting out of control. Something must change. Change isn’t going to happen by itself. Do something different.
Grey put his equipment in the cupboard, closed and latched the door. He looked at the latch for a moment turned and walked out of Ponyville.

Terrifyingly Beautiful

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Chapter Two: Terrifyingly Beautiful

When the sun has gone, I see you

Beautiful and haunting, but cold

Like the blade of a knife,

So sharp, so sweet

Nobody knows your heart.

Princess Mononoke (-Hime)

Grey walked to the road going through the Everfree forest. To the right was the path the heroes had taken to battle Nightmare Moon. There was no point in going that way. That adventure has been done. Besides he didn’t want to talk to the vain water serpent.
If I asked him what it was like to be beautiful I would get a vain answer anyway.
Grey had been on some long runs through some of this area. It was always night-like because the tree canopy blocked all sunlight. It was as if the path was an endless arch cut into the forest. It felt very wild.
Someponies were so superstitious. Still it’s pretty dark. Different noises in this forest.
The road narrowed into a trail. The forest closed in from the sides. Grey didn’t want to touch the plants, they looked so different. Sharp edges, contrasting dizzying colours, uninviting flowers that nopony would want to smell. Some were poisonous and there was no telling which ones were. The trail ended into daylight as it came along the river. There was yellow grass on the edge next to the river. He examined the grass, not very good to eat. Grey climbed down the bank to the river. The shoreline itself was wet sand and very firm to walk on. Grey walked a few steps into the river. He lowered his head to drink keeping his eyes up and looking around for any danger. It was the same river water that flowed through Ponyville. Grey drank his fill, raised his head and looked at the opposite bank. More dark forest up on the bank. Grey felt exposed out in the open. He backed up until he was next to the wall of earth. Grey followed the wall along the river for several more leagues. The river widened and slowed. Grey knew that this was called a ford, and it was a good place to cross a river. The water came up to his knees at its deepest, Grey sloshed across being very aware that he was in the open again. Two thirds the way across Grey froze as he realized that there are things in the water that can be dangerous too. He remembered stories of small fish that were all teeth and could strip a pony of flesh down to the bone in seconds. Grey felt threatened from below and above. He walked slowly and stiffly the rest of the way. He feared every splash of water would attract predators. Grey shook himself and walked to the bank cliff and hid in the shade. Grey felt his heart beating in his chest. That little stroll across the river had exhilarated him. Grey continued hiking upstream. It was midday when he came across some large boulders against the riverbank. Grey was exhausted.
This would work; squeeze between the boulders and blend. All the rocks in this area are the same colour as me.
The sound of water moving put Grey to sleep instantly.
A crow like bird with long greasy feathers announced its annoyance at Grey’s presence by screeching near his ear.
Grey woke in a panic. He was accustomed to waking and stretching slowly. Now his legs felt trapped and there was danger right next to him and he couldn’t run. The bird flew off. Grey realized what it was and calmed himself.
Okay, I need to find a way to wake up without drawing attention to myself.
The only thing that had changed was the angle of the sun. It was now late afternoon. Grey was wide awake.
Should I stay here where I’m camouflaged by the rocks or move on? I won’t be able to sleep for a long time and my stomach wants attention.
A glint of reflected sunlight caught his eye. Grey walked down the river bank. The forest parted into a field. Grey climbed the bank to the field. Tall green grass grew undisturbed. A hundred paces from the riverbank stood a palace made of wood and glass.
Grey walked through the grass and looked up trying to figure it out. A set of stairs a pony height lead up to a veranda that went all the way around the building. The doors and windows were all at right angles not like homes in Ponyville. It had no smell. The grass was undisturbed right up to the stairs. Grey walked around to the other side. The stairs were wider and led up to the veranda and a more elaborate set of doors. This must be the front. But the back has the view of the river and the hills. Again the grass was not disturbed to the stairs.
Maybe it’s a winter palace and not in use until the fall.
Grey walked around to the other side. Here the sod was cut up and staked at the edge of the forest. The bare soil stretched from the palace to the forest. The soil was still moist and smelled fresh. No marks in the tall grass. Grey could see his path through but nothing else. He continued to walk in the same direction back to the back of the palace. The sun was already behind the hills. Not a good location to watch the sunset. Oh well. Back to the front. There was a hole in the tall grass. Grey went over to investigate. To the right of the stairs was a flat rock a pony with across.
Time for some lawn care.
Grey ate the grass from the rock to the stairs then the grass in front of the stairs.
You know that rock would be a perfect place for a guard pony to stand.
So Grey stood there.
The view in front of the palace; Everforest on either side with the field in the centre. The sky darkened.
I think I’ll go off in that direction tomorrow; but tonight I am the guard pony of the palace!
The stars were very bright in the black sky. The Milky Way was a ribbon of light across the sky. Then the moon rose. To Grey’s night trained eyes it was a bright as the sun. It was directly in front of the palace. It lit up the field as if it was a floodlight at ground level. Grey stood there and watch and thought. Okay I’m a guard pony. I am on guard. I stand guard, how? Stand at attention.
Grey locked his knees and made himself very stiff. It didn’t take long for his knees to hurt.
Relax keep some bend in your knees just like in sports. Keep your head up and still but observe everything.
The forest was a distant black wall on either side of the field. The noises coming from the forest weren’t much different than the noises during the day as far as he could tell.

In the moonlight I felt your heart

Quiver like a bowstring’s pulse

In the moon’s pure light,

You looked at me

Nobody knows your heart.

Princess Mononoke (-Hime)

So much Royal Canterlot Voice!
“Who for art thou and why art thou pointing thy’s backside at my manor!?”
That’s not good. And that voice, it fills the field like a storm.
She appeared before Grey. Terrifyingly beautiful! His heart clattered. Her coat was so black purple that he could barely see it. Her mane and tail flowed continuously. They contained star lights: no, they were real stars. If he reached out he would be in space with the stars. Grey was getting mesmerized.
Look someplace else.
That horn looks long, sharp and lethal.
She was looking down at him with large beautiful angry eyes.
Don’t make eye contact, don’t make eye contact.
Grey had seen Princess Celestia once or twice in Ponyville. He had always been at the back of the crowd while she was usually on stage giving encouraging speeches. Celestia was always much larger than other ponies.
Now this was a god that stood before Grey, and she was ticked off.
Bow stupid, bow.
Can’t, frozen.
Princess Luna spoke slower, “Who art thou?”
It was still like a wind in Grey’s face. He saw no point in saying his name. Who would he be in comparison to her?
So he said, “Your majesty, I am the guard pony of the palace.”

/]*[\

There were so many things wrong with that statement that Luna didn’t know where to begin. She had put her mansion in the middle of the Everfree forest for solitude and now a simple earth pony had found it. This one was obviously frightened and had no military training whatsoever. What was he doing here?
Luna softened her voice. “Why art thou out at night?”
“I have always worked during the night. I don’t mind it at all.”
“Ponies sleep at night, if they come out at night they come out in groups with lights not by themselves in the middle of the Everfree Forest. What pony game is this? What doeseth thou know of the night?”
“I assure you your majesty I’m not playing. The night? I know that if I pay attention to the stars I can see that they move in a semicircle around the North Star. Over a few nights the planets tend to wander. I know the consolations Orion and Starswirl but no others. The moon’s orbit wobbles. Although tonight the moonrise was exactly from the East and lit up the field beautifully. On the night of your um, liberation, the moon was at its epigee and exactly over Equestria. I miss The Mare in the Moon.”
“What does that mean? We stand before thou.”
“I’m sorry your majesty from Equestria we could see your image on the moon. To some it was scary which lead to the Nightmare Moon stories. To me it was a little comforting. You were always there looking down on me, sorry I didn’t mean that you would always be there; I don’t know how to talk to royalty.”
“Thou thinketh thou are a guard pony. Thou art trembling. What use would thou be?
Grey didn’t know how to answer that so he remained quiet.
“If this palace, as thou calleth it, came under attack by dragons what would thou do?”
“Your majesty I would shout the alarm and run into battle.” That was a line from a story Grey had read.
“A dragon would not waste his breath on you. Thou wouldeth become a greasy spot at the bottom of a dragon’s footprint.”
Thou wouldeth shout the alarm, for what purpose? Thou cannot even fathom the distances we can see. Does thou even know how far away the sun and the moon are?
“No your majesty. I do know that the sun follows the moon.”
Is that something a follower of The Princess of the Night would say?
“I have nothing to offer you but my loyalty and my life.” Another line.
Luna thought to herself, Ponies were born into their lots in life. Guard ponies more so. They came from long lines of families and were tested thoroughly before even being accepted into Royal Guard training. Were ponies leaving their casts now and taking whatever positions in life they wanted? Look at this one. Low born earth pony with a broom for a cutie mark.
“We have decided that thou may play thy pony game. Thou are forbidden from touching my manor.”
She was gone. No flash or twist of light just gone.
Did I just offer my loyalty and life to The Princess of the Night? I was going to wander off in that direction tomorrow and now I’m NightMare Moon’s guard pony, cool.
A new crisis was growing inside Grey’s bladder.
Don’t think about it.
What are my choices? Go back to sweeping streets; wander around the Everfree forest until something eats me.
Grey shifted his weight from one back leg to the other.
What would a guard pony do in a situation like this? First of all he would have taken care of it before the start of his shift. Maybe there is a signal he would give other guard ponies to give him a break. What if she’s watching me from one of those windows behind me?
Grey continued to shift his weight until his back legs were almost dancing. He yelped and ran for the forest edge. At night the edge of the Everfree Forest is a black wall. Grey found some bushes and relieved himself. He walked back to the flat rock and thought.
Job one make a list of guard pony duties. First on list find a place to take care of that properly.
Since I’m going to stay I’m going to have to set up a routine. I can’t stand on this rock forever. Let’s see exercise, eat, patrol, stand guard that’s all I can think of. That’s less than my old job. That can’t be right. They say that getting into the Royal Guard is one of the hardest things one can do. What am I missing? The training, the entrance exam. To pass the exam a pony needs strength and heart.
Grey had heard rumours that ponies would drive themselves close to physical and mental collapse just for a chance to challenge the exam. Then the training, something militaristic. The only thing Grey could remember from the old stories about heroes and military training was drill sergeants yelling, running and push ups.
What is so hard about pony push ups anyway?
Grey thought of scenarios where the pony being guarded was attacked. He couldn’t think of too many and he only had a vague idea of what the throne room in Canterlot might look like. This saddened him a little so he thought of the exhilarating feeling he had when he crossed the river and thought about the dangerous things in the water.
And meeting Princess Luna, wow. Well maybe meeting isn’t the right word. The adrenalin rush and the feeling of being so alive. Is this what it feels like to win a game or race? I could get used to this, if I stay alive that is.
The moon had disappeared behind the palace some time ago. The sky in front of Grey was starting to lighten. The sun would be coming up soon.
See, the sun follows the moon.
The field was lighting up. Grey looked around for a place to sleep. There was a big old oak tree separate from the forest. He moved carefully through the tall grass so not to make an obvious path for a predator to follow. It was mossy under the tree and Grey found a nice soft indent. He pressed it down with his hooves making a nice pony nest. Grey put his flank toward the tree and faced the palace. He was below the level of the grass. This was as safe as he could get. Grey slept.Page |

Going Lame is a Death Sentence

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Chapter Three: Going Lame is a Death Sentence

Grey opened his eyes and looked left and right. He raised his head so he could see just above the grass. His ears and mane poked up first. It was late afternoon. All looked quiet.

Okay what first?

Grey followed his tracks away from the tree and back to the palace.

Start with a few mouthfuls of grass and a good run. I’m going to make my running paths my way.

Grey ran along the edge Everfree Forest at a nice gallop. The field narrowed the farther East he went. He turned and ran back toward the palace along the far side of the open earth along the top of the river bank and back to the palace. On his third lap Grey saw movement in the forest right next to him. It was about the right size to be a wolf. Grey ran in a straight line while the shadow in the forest dodged trees and bushes to stay with Grey. Grey kicked something very hard as he ran. He lost his balance and rolled forward. Grey jumped up faced the forest with front legs spread and head down expecting the attack that never came. The forest was quiet except for the usual background sounds. Grey was breathing heavily from the run and the adrenalin. He started to relax. He raised his head and looked around. Nothing. His right fetlock screamed at him. He turned and walked down the centre of the field back to the palace. He walked very slow, trying to cover the limp.

That was stupid. Going lame out here is a death sentence. Like this I’m an easy meal. I couldn’t get back to Ponyville with a broken leg. I’m not too sure how to find it anyway. Luna wouldn’t find me until I was a pile of bones even if she wanted to which I doubt she would. That’s it, get mad at yourself and not scared, predators can smell fear.

Gee, last week you faked a limp looking for attention and today you’re trying to cover it, hoping not to be noticed.

Grey made it back to the flat rock turned around and stood on it. He lifted his right leg off the ground. Grey had had his share of sports injuries he considered himself a little clumsier than most ponies.

Let’s see, rest, cold, compress and elevate. Well, all I can do is rest. I could go down to the river and stand in the cold water. That would require more limping in front of possible predators. Look at how much it’s swollen in a few minutes. Alright stand here and guard. How about some brain exercises? ‘The library game’ teacher taught us. If I could have only three books from the library what would they be? A medical book, a guard pony book and a ‘how to survive in the Everfree Forest’ book. That was easy except the last two don’t exist in the Ponyville library. The Royal Canterlot Library then.

Grey stood there on three legs for over an hour. He started to put weight on his injured leg then started to work the sore joint. Grey noticed something on his run and decided to go investigate. On the North side of the palace where the sod had been removed were four plants that had been uprooted and put on the fresh earth with their roots still exposed. They were half the size of Grey’s head with oval purple leaves and woody stalks. Grey dug a trench in the shadow of the palace with his good foreleg and put the plants in and gently covered the roots with soil. He felt Luna watching him.

Is this what magic feels like?

Grey turned around and looked up. Luna must be behind one of the black windows in the upper part of the palace. Grey bowed formally and looked back to the windows.

“Your majesty, may I make a request?”

Luna thought to herself, He presumes I can hear him. He presumes I will hear his request?

Luna turned from the window and made her way to the front entrance of the palace. Alicorns do not hurry.

Ponies and their requests. Always wanting something. Elder sister held court one a month to hear the requests of her subjects. To Luna it was a never ending line of ponies desiring things. Settling squabbles, overturning court decisions, early parole for a relative, the end of a debt that they caused, wanting to be a Pegasus, a longer life, etc. Celestia always listened patiently and gave a wise decision. That was why this ground pony was here.

The palace doors opened and Luna walked through and across the veranda to look down to Grey.

No point in making it easy for him.

Grey bowed again and looked up at her. She was not wearing her armour, she looked a little smaller and her horn was not as sharp looking. Her mane and tail flowed with the night sky.

“Your majesty it’s going to be a garden isn’t it? The plant’s roots were starting to dry out so I planted them. I hope you don’t mind. I would like to help. May I have a watering can and a shovel?

This pony has no idea of what an alicorn is capable of. I just have to think of a cloud and I have rain for my garden. The plants would have survived until I decided where to plant them anyway.

Grey stood still trying to control his breathing. I’m going to have to get used to talking to her, with her?

After a long moment Grey spoke again. “Perhaps just a watering can? The ground is soft I don’t really need a shovel.”

An old steel watering can clanked loudly next to Grey. Grey jumped at the sound. He bowed. “Thank you your majesty.”

Grey picked up the can by the top handle and walked to the river bank. He stomped down the earth wall breaking it up making it easier to get down to the river. Grey walked into the river and filled the watering can. The cold water felt good on his sore leg. Luna was still on the veranda when Grey returned. He set the can down and picked it up again by the side handle and watered the plants. He watched the water soak into the ground and watered the plants again. Grey set the half full can down next to the palace very aware of Luna watching him. He walked over to the pile of cut sod by the garden. The pieces were mostly different sizes of square or rectangle. Grey found a small piece of sod and picked it up by the grass with his mouth. It was more difficult than he thought it would be. The sod was heavier than he imagined it would be and the grass was tearing out of the sod. Grey’s legs banged against it as he walked toward the forest. There was a ditch a few lengths in the forest where Grey deposited it. Back at the pile of sod Grey tried to find another small piece. No luck. So he tried to get a larger piece on his back, grass down.

Luna appeared in front of him. She was just a little taller than him and looked down at him. Her horn glowed and the sod floated off Grey’s back. It flew through the air to the ditch followed by the rest of the sod pieces. They flew like a line of magic carpets to rest in the ditch.

“Thank you your majesty”.

“Why does thou thank me? Thou art injured, why?”

“I don’t know royal protocol. Teacher always told us to be polite in formal or new situations.” Grey lowered his head. “I tripped running, I’m known for my clumsiness.”

Grey had dirt on his face and back; his hooves were muddy. He kept his bad leg off the ground and tried to hide it behind his good leg.

“And thy name?”

“Um well.”

“Thy hesitates.”

Grey blurted out, “Dusty Miller please call my Grey I’m from Ponyville.”

Ponyville again. The place didn’t even exist until just recently. And now it seemed to be the centre of Equestria. This pony was still covering something up. An outcast from Ponyville?

“Your teacher is correct. Politeness is the basis of protocol. I have my duties to perform.”

With that Luna extended her wings turned away from Grey and flew to the East. She knew she was being short with that pony but he was not being totally straightforward.

If he remains I can question him at my leisure.

Grey walked slowly to his position in front of the palace. The sun set the moon rose. The moon rise was not quite as spectacular as the previous night. Grey noticed something out of the corner of his eye. The palace was glowing. Grey turned around and looked at the palace. The palace was just as bright as the moon. The black windows were now transparent. They were too high for Grey to look into he didn’t want to anyway. He walked around to the back of the palace. Grey expected the moonlight to be streaming out of the back windows but the palace was much too large for that effect. The walls still glowed. Grey walked back to the rock.

“This is nice. I could get used to this as long as I stay alive. More awareness needed.

/]*[\

Grey woke with the feeling that something was watching him. He knew his breathing had betrayed him. He opened his eyes, turned his head slowly and looked up. Above the grass a lion’s face with fangs was framed in an impressive mane framed by impressive wings. Plus a scorpion stinger was aimed at his throat.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

Grey said, “Hello.” Still no reaction from the Manticore. He stood up slowly and carefully.

“Can I help you?” nothing. Oh well go for broke.

“Why haven’t you eaten me yet?”

The Manticore answered, “Questions.”

“You have questions for me? I will do my best to answer them to the best of my ability.”

“What is this?” the Manticore said looking at the palace.

“This is the palace of Her Majesty Princess Luna.”

The Manticore walked towards it. Grey noted how it had trampled the grass in front of the tree exposing his hiding place.

Oh well, every predator in the forest can probably smell my sent anyway.

Grey walked next to the Manticore. Its chest muscles moved causing a ripple of muscle to go through its body and legs.

“Why here?” it said flatly.

Grey knew that every species had its own way of talking. The cows had their way, the buffalo their own. It had nothing to do with intelligence.

Grey responded,“I think The Princess put it here for the view of the moon rise. We’re not allowed to touch it.”

“Why?”

“Well she just told me not to touch it. I don’t know what she wants the forest creatures to do.”

They walked together to the plot. The Manticore stared at the bear soil.

“It’s a garden. We plant our favourite plants in it.”

“You don’t even hunt your plants.” It said mater-of-factly.

They continued to walk around the palace. Grey wanted to impress the Manticore but couldn’t think of anything to say. They had returned to the front of the palace. The Manticore looked at the palace and at Grey. “This is the place of the young Manticore learning to fly and any young learning to fly.”

So that’s it. I’d talk like that too if I had a mouth full of daggers, Thought Grey

“Can I ask you some questions?”

The Manticore continued to look at Grey.

“What do you eat?”

“Meat, you’re made of meat.”

“Then why haven’t you eaten me?”

“I have questions.”

Grey asked. “What do I do if I come across a cockatrice?

“Don’t bother it. If you want to eat it you must bite its head off from behind and not look at it. Venom is too slow. It is a wasteful creature, it turns meat to stone.”

And finally the question Grey was dying to ask the moment he saw the Manticore.

“Are you the Manticore that had the thorn that was pulled out by a yellow and pink pony? And why didn’t you pull it out and tell me everything about her, I mean it?”

“The thorn was the Princess of the Night. She made it known to me that it was necessary.”

With that the Manticore turned and galloped down the field. After a few paces it had built up enough speed to start beating its wings. The wind from the wings blew down the grass. With a great flap and push from its legs it leaped into the air. It flew in a straight line until it was above the tree line then turned and disappeared.

Well that was impressive.Page |

Tea Time

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Chapter Four: Tea Time

Grey stood on the flat rock beside the stairs at the front of the palace.
Luna walked down the stairs and turned to Grey.
“Thou art still here. My sister is coming for tea and to enjoy the view from my manor next week. You shall make yourself scarse.
Grey looked down at the rock and pawed it with his hoof.
Thou hast another request. You want me to introduce you to my sister.
“No your majesty. I want to try my hoof at something. I know how to make sun tea. I would like to make a pitcher of moon tea in your honour and present it to your majesties. I can find some tea bushes in the hills and mix in some berries from the forest.
Luna sighed.
“The tea leaves you speak of would need to be fermented first. As for Everfree forest berries you should be very careful with most things from the forest. If you pick things from the forest pick them from well-lit areas. (All right I’ll see what I can do.)?”
The evening before Princess Celestia’s visit a silver tray appeared on the veranda behind Grey. There were three crystal pitchers of water, a box of black tea, a long silver spoon, a sliced lemon put back together to prevent it from drying out and a small container of honey.
Grey thought to himself, Well that was a bust. All I have to do is put the tea in the water and set it in the moonlight. Luna put more effort in setting up the tray. I must turn this into a positive.
Grey ran into the forest to collect the berries and flowers he needed. Then down by the river to fill the watering can and gather some interesting rocks he had found. He set up his work station at the corner of the front stairs. He mixed the tea in the pitchers and set them in the moonlight being very careful not to touch the palace. When the sun rose Grey put the other ingredients in the pitchers. He taste tested with the silver spoon and rinsed it in the water can after each test.
Luna circled the palace and settled down in front of the stairs. Grey stood at attention.
“This is not what I expected. Please explain it to me.”
“Well, your majesty, I got an idea at the last minute. The first one I am most proud of. It’s tea with blackberries. Please stir it and look closely.”
As Luna looked, small bits of light floated up from the bottom and circled the pitcher.
“What precisely, am I seeing?”
“I wanted this one to look like your mane. Those are gold flakes floating by. I got them out of the river. I’ve seen gold leaf on cakes before so I know it’s safe.
The second one is just ordinary cold tea with lemon and honey. The third is a disappointment. I used flower pollen to make a pastel colour like your sister’s mane. It doesn’t look right. I don’t know how they will taste to an alicorn you may want to fine tune them that is if you want to use them. The flowers I put on the tray are starting to dry out. I can go fetch more if you like?”
“That’s fine, thank you.”
Luna gathered the pitchers and materials with her magic and it all disappeared. She began to walk up the stairs and stopped. She turned to Grey.
“Thank you pony, that was a nice gesture.”
Luna continued on her way into the palace. The double doors closed behind her with a slight click.
‘Gesture’ that means good right?
More like ‘it’s the thought that counts’.
I’m over analysing again. It was a good day. I met a manticore and lived. I made tea for the princesses of the realm and lived. Better take a nap quick no telling when Celestia will show up and I can show them what a good job I can do standing guard.

/]*[\

Grey stood at attention at his place when he heard the sound of shawed hooves walking on the veranda behind him.
Celestia’s voice was serene and perfect. “Is this the little pony that made us that delicious ice tea?”
Luna had just a slight bit of annoyance. She distinctly remembered saying something about Grey making himself scarce today. Luna’s voice was also calm.
“That is some stray that has latched onto my manor. He pretends to be a guard pony.”
“Sister, we must be kind to all our subjects. Every one of us has a special talent. What do you suppose his is?”
“I believe he is some sort of lawn mower device. He has made quite a dent in the grass in the front of my manor.”
A horsefly buzzed by Grey’s ear.
“Sister, you should feed your stray better. Look at him, you can see his ribs.”
The horsefly bounced off Grey’s back in several places then started to orbit his flank.
Grey used all of his discipline to keep from flicking his tail at the fly.
If you move your tail with the princesses behind you, it will be a great insult.
Stupid horsefly, picked the absolute worst time to show up.
Celestia spoke, “That reminds me sister, I brought you a special apple tree for your new garden.”
The horsefly landed on the centre of Grey’s left flank and bit.
Luna replied, “Sister that was not necessary. I’m not even sure what kind of garden it’s going to be.”
“Promise me you will feed your little stray, sister. Now let us go to your new garden and discuss your plans.”
Grey listened to the shoes walk away.
All right fly I’ll give you to the count of ten. Grey counted to ten in his head. Have to make sure the princesses are well out of sight before I attack this monster. What’s the longest song I know? Grey’s flank burned. He recited the song in his head and did the chorus a second time.
Come on horsefly, how long does it take to fill yourself with my blood? That’s it bug! I’m going to take all of my frustration out on you.
Grey swatted his flank with his tail with a loud slap. Then he turned and bit the horrible itch. On the veranda in front of Grey’s eyes were four golden shaued hooves and four silver shaued hooves. The princesses hadn’t moved. Grey rolled his eyes up with the skin of his flank between his teeth. The princesses looked down with splendid smiles. Grey snapped his head back to face front as quickly as he could to hide his red face.
The princesses’ laughter was enchantingly musical.
“We are walking away for real this time little guard pony. Thank you for a delightful time.”
I have never been so embarrassed. There never was a horsefly. Good prank though. Better than the usual bucket of water over the head. Very good prank, the princesses got me, me! They probably have been playing that teasing game on the royal guard for centuries. Am I accepted?
Probably not, but it’s a start.
But there is no way I’m turning around or moving for the rest of the day. Shut up bladder.

Let The Game Begin

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Chapter Five: Let the Game Begin.

“Actually loneliness has a kind of fascination;

It’s a state of egotistical, inner grace that you can achieve only by

standing guard on old forgotten roads that no one travels anymore.”

--Aarturo Perez-Reverte, The French Master 1988.

Luna sat just inside the palace entrance, her music stand to the side as to not block the view and cool breeze. It was too windy to practice on the veranda. She would have to use her magic to hold the pages down while concentrating on the music. It was complicated enough just playing and turning the pages. Luna was out of practice and she accepted it.

Grey stood on his flat rock facing the field. The wind blew his mane and tail to the side.

Luna thought as she practiced. The stray is back. Nothing brings the stray quicker than a few notes of music. All I have to do is start my scales and he comes running. Look at him pretending to stand guard. If I move to the far corner of the veranda he’ll come over and stand guard at that corner just to listen. The curse of the princess. Never alone, never far from a Royal Guard.

Luna sighed internally. Please, that’s not even a guard pony. This is still the best possible spot to put my palace as he calls it. I have solitude and a place to go through my exercises. He has lasted a month without being eaten. That is an accomplishment in itself. What does he want? Need? He has nothing.

Do I have time to take on another project? Sister and I rule together as it was meant to be. She can have most of it. Bureaucracy, meetings, requests and public appearances. What she gives me to do is just busy work anyway. She’s good at it and it passes the time for her. A project? A game? One of the old Alicorn games? Hmm, which one? Stray, how would you like to be the high priest of the ‘Cult of the Night Princess’? You have cited some of the old pony tales in your eagerness to please me.

Parameters: A few kind words in his ear, spread a few rumours about him in all levels of society. The cult builds naturally.

Disadvantage of this game: The bloodshed is inescapable. The High Priest is killed by a subordinate. The cult splits into many cults and there are wars. I’ve had my fill of that kind of war. Sister will be annoyed, again.

‘Fox Amongst the Hounds.’ This has possibilities, legs. A grey fox among the white hounds? Does he hear the call of the warrior?

Parameters: A lot of rules, also a disadvantage. He will have to be given a clue and a way out to be fair. Making him faultlessly loyal shall be simple. May take years to come to fruition.

Variables: Prey maybe emotionally scarred. He walked into the Everfree forest, perhaps to die. May work in favour or be wild card. Makes game more interesting.

Mental note: visit Ponyville during upcoming Nightmare Night.

Advantages: He will do most of the work. The game will strengthen the Royal Guard and route out traitors regardless of who wins. That cannot displease sister. Easy victory is good for confidence after the last incident. Irritate The Six.

He shall face crises. Win or lose; the realm will be strengthened.

Reward: If he wins, he lives. My reward, I shall choose later.

Disadvantages: Brings nation to the brink of war. Hard feelings from sister.

Oh Uncle Discord. From chaos to chaos begets chaos. You through the chaff into the wind but you already know where it will fall. Where is the wonder, growth, development, betterment?

Chaos: When the present determines the future,
but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future.
-- Edward Lorenz.

Possibility of loss: Not bloody likely. But I do enjoy, nay crave surprises.

It is decided. What was his name again?

Luna unclipped her bow from her shoe and put away her violin in its case. She packed up all of her music and set it aside. Luna walked down the stairs and turned to face Grey.

“I have come to a decision about you.” Luna looked at Grey’s face. “What is wrong with you?”

“I’m sorry your majesty that last song you played. Well it went all dark at the end and it really spoke to me.”

Luna thought. Well it seems you have been given your first clue already although unintentional as it was.

“I have a proposal for you. Right now you are the pony at the gate. If you have a beginner’s mind and are willing to work very hard I will make you into a warrior. Don’t get excited pony it is not what you think. This will not make you a hero. This will not fix an injured soul or emptiness in your heart, this is not counselling. You are an earth pony you will never have magic. I will not give you any magical short cuts. You will never be a Wonderbolt. I will give you the severe side of the training and it will hurt. Your mind, body and spirit will grow and they may be scarred. You will be challenged, evaluated and tested. Do not expect to be promoted. You will be in it for the long haul. You will spend the rest of your life climbing the mountain and it will only get steeper. You will never graduate; you may never be a master. You will do most of your training in solitude; solitude is not healthy for a pony. In battle I will not help you I will not look for you, you would mean less to me than a blade of grass. In all honesty I say to you that it would be better for you to start walking home right now.”

There is your second warning and your first opportunity for escape.

“What say you?”

“Yes, a million times yes. I feel I’ve been waiting for this moment for my whole life. I have an empty mind and I work very hard. I know I will never fly and I don’t care about pain or solitude I’ve always been alone. Do I have to sign my name in blood?”

“I wonder how much of that speech you heard. If your word is your honour you do not sign your name in blood.”

“Thank you thank you thank you. What do I do now? Do I bow? I don’t know even when to bow. I saw the Royal Guard in Ponyville but they never bowed to Princess Celestia. I told you I had an empty mind. Can you teach me etiquette too?

“Calm down pony. Royal court etiquette is part of the training. A beginner’s mind is preferable. Can you read?”

“Yes your majesty.”

“First lesson, I am Your Highness. Princess Celestia is Your Majesty. I will loan you a book on court etiquette.

Next I will find you an instructor so prepare yourself. I see you run every day. Continue that and exercise as much as you can. You must eat more than grass. The apple tree my sister gave me has now settled after its transplant. You may eat three apples a day from it. You have one week to prepare while I find you the appropriate instructor.”

“Thank you Your Highness.”

“Now you bow your head lower than mine because your princess has given you a gift. But not too low because you are still on duty.”

Luna turned away from Grey and walked up the steps.

It was quite fortuitous that you gave me that particular type of apple tree, was it not sister?

Luna snapped a look back at Grey.

Gasp sister! Have you engaged me in a similar game?

Luna stared at Grey. She quickly ran through her calculations. No sign of deception or intent. It was just a simple gift more for the starving earth pony her subject.

Luna collected her musical equipment and disappeared, the palace doors closed with a click.

Every nerve and muscle in Grey’s body vibrated. For the first time his life had meaning and direction. He felt as if he finally belonged. He would do anything, anything for Luna. He stood there thinking of every exercise he had ever done.

Every waking moment for the next week was spent exercising. He developed a routine of running after waking, stretching, thinking of any pregame exercise that he had ever done. His reward for a hard workout was an apple. He knew that rest was important too. He rested by standing guard or exploring the Everfree forest.

The noises from the forest kept him alert. Or at least brought his wandering mind back. He built all kinds of scenarios in his head about his possible instructor. From the secret invisible society to a plain old drill sergeant.

A general from Canterlot? She is a princess after all. Not likely. But definitely military. Probably a Royal Guard Pegasus in their gold armour and brush helmet. Doesn’t matter, anypony, even the story of the nanny and the prince, where the nanny had a hundred knives in her dress comes to mind. Cool, I’m going to learn how to throw knives! Page |

Training Day

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Chapter Six: Training Day

“You must be deadly serious in training. When I say that, I do not mean that you should be reasonably diligent or moderately in earnest. I mean that your opponent must always be present in your mind, whether you sit or stand or walk or raise your arms”.

--Gichin Funakoshi’s First rule.

Grey gave himself a hard long workout the previous night so he would be able to sleep before his first day of instruction. The sun fully cleared the horizon when Luna walked through the doors of the palace. Grey stood at the base of the stairs looking up ears perked forward.

“You have permission to enter the palace as you have named it. Please follow me.”

Grey climbed the stairs and followed Luna through the doors. This was the largest building he had ever been in and he was naturally impressed. Homes and buildings in Ponyville were just big enough to do their job and no bigger. And then they would fill up with stuff and knick knacks. The palace was open and lightly furnished. The windows lit the rooms naturally.

Grey followed Luna to what he calculated to be near the back of the palace. Two long rectangle doors opened as they approached. This was the great hall or ball room of the palace. It was actually a multifunction room. A stage on one end would fit a full orchestra or a head table for a banquet.

Grey studied the room in a clockwise motion. Dark hardwood panelling along the back wall stretching to a high ceiling. The stage was one pony length in height. Doors around the stage presumably for entrances for actors in plays and access to a kitchen. Dark polished hardwood floorboards in perfect alignment. Pinkie Pie. Windows starting at chest height facing the river and hills. French doors in the centre of the wall opening to the veranda. Back to Luna and Grey standing a few lengths from the doors.

Okay, the instructor is going to make a big entrance. A Royal Guard Pegasus will probably fly through the upper windows or be trumpeted before entering. Still waiting, Luna’s looking at me.

“Here is your first lesson and your first challenge. You shall spar with Pinkamena and while you are sparing you will come up with the answer to this question. ‘For you your life has been a struggle, a battle. That is one half of it. What is the other half’?”

Grey had never seen Pinkie Pie stand so still and so quiet for so long.

“Your highness, I can’t hit a girl. Is that the answer?”

“It is not. All you have to do is knock Pinkie Pie over. You are both earth ponies I am certain she can take it. It has begun.”

All I have to do is give her a little nudge, knock her over and I can get a real instructor.

Grey trotted towards Pinkie Pie with the intention of giving her a bump on the shoulder and move her. What happened was just as Grey was about to hit Pinkie on the shoulder with his, she stepped forward and slightly away and tripped Grey with her two right legs. Grey stumbled but did not fall. Pinkie stood at a right angle to Grey staring at him and smiling her biggest smile. Grey ran at her with the intention of head butting her in the side, but when he got there she merely turned around and was behind him. Grey slid on the wood floor trying to break.

Time to get serious. I’m a fast runner I can use all my speed and get her.

Grey galloped at her as fast as he could go his head down. Again she wasn’t there when he got there and he ran into the wall with a thud. Grey shook his head and mane and looked at Pinkie Pie. She was looking at the ceiling humming a song.

Now! She’s not looking, as fast as you can!

Grey’s hooves clattered across the floor. Pinkie continued to stare at the ceiling; she lifted two legs slowly and was behind him again. Grey slid on the floor towards Luna. He spun around and faced Pinkie’s flank.

Less speed more quiet. She can’t see me coming if she’s looking away, just be quiet.

The hardwood floor could not cooperate and he missed again.

Luna said, “Remind me pony never to place any wages on your challenges.”

Pinkie had her eyes closed and was singing to herself. Grey moved slowly sliding his hooves on the floor not lifting them. When he was in range of Pinkie she taped him on the muzzle with her hoof and said “Boop”. Grey dove for her legs; she bounced on his back and began bouncing around the hall. Grey saw a pattern. She was bouncing in a zigzag way around the hall Grey calculate where she would be in three bounces and ran as fast as he could and ran into the stage. Pinkie stood on the stage looking down at Grey in a heap and blew him a raspberry. She bounced down off of him and hopped to the center of the hall and started dancing the ‘Hop Skip and Jump’ song with her back to Grey. Grey was determined to keep his eyes on her this time. He ran to her determined to go the same way she did and track her and meet her and knock her over. Pinkie used the next step in her dance to launch herself in a back flip and land behind Grey.

“Your highness you gave her magic I can’t beat her.”

“I did no such thing. You are making excuses.”

“Everypony knows Pinkie Pie can move around physics.”

“Pinkie Pie has not needed that skill in the least amount. The challenge is winnable and fair. ‘For you life is a struggle’, that is one side of it. What is the other side?”

Time to think. What do I know about Pinkie Pie? Element of Laughter, well she’s getting lots of laughs at my expense today. Works in a bakery, up early, party all night, not fair, life’s not fair. What is the other side of life?

Grey continued his attacks. Never getting close. He tried to deflect his attack by jumping off a wall only to land on the floor on his side. Pinkie looked down at him and giggled. After one attack Grey was splayed out on the floor with Pinkie standing on his head. She asked, “Princess Luna how many points do I get for this?”

“You shall receive one point. I will give you five points if you can knock some sense into that pony’s head.”

Pinkie tapped Grey on the forehead.

“Knock knock anypony home? Knock knock…”

Grey spun in a barrel roll to catch her. Pinkie used his momentum to fly away from him.

Grey tried running and never stopping. After missing he would break and slide across the floor, turn and run again. His hooves were getting hot from the friction. Several low attacks ended with him sliding across the floor on his belly. Patches of fur had worn off.

One of the rudest, most offensive things a pony can do is bite another pony. Grey nipped at Pinkie’s flank out of frustration. Pinkie slapped his face with her tail. “Naughty naughty.” Grey’s face was red from the shame of it not the slap.

“Anger makes me weak. Is that the answer?”

“That is a very good lesson but it is not today’s challenge.”

Think stupid, life is a battle. Well it’s not for Pinkie Pie she’s having a great time. Maybe she’s giving me clues in the songs she’s singing.

Pinkie was singing and acting out the ‘Laughter Song’.

Is she giggling at me because I’m the ghosty? That doesn't make sense. Why does life have to be so hard?

Pinkie was singing and trotting forward but she was actually moving backwards.

I’ve never seen that dance before. Dance! Life is not hard for her!

Grey trotted up to Pinkie Pie and bowed as a gentle colt. He picked up her front hooves in his and they danced and they laughed.

“Your Highness, life is a dance isn’t it? Life has always been a battle a struggle for me. It was for Pinkie too then she decided to make her life a dance or in her case a party. That’s the answer I got it didn't I?”

“Congratulations you have won the challenge. Pinkie Pie you have won the match and the day. You may ask me any prize.

Pinkie snort laughed. “For my prize I would like to have the rest of this dance.”

The great hall filled with music. Acapulco music. Luna sang for the two earth ponies as they danced.

When it was over Pinkie bowed to Grey and Luna and bounced through the French doors and disappeared.

“I’m sorry I took so long to figure it out.”

“I did not place any time constraint on the challenge. You seemed a little disappointed when you saw that Pinkamena was going to be your instructor today.

“I’m sorry I let myself imagine a completely different type of instructor.

Luna smiled.

“I must admit that I set you up a little. You do realize that my sister and I trained for years in secret before battling Discord. Then we began the process of rebuilding Equestria. We were the ones who trained the warriors who came after. Then they trained the next generation and so on. I chose Pinkie Pie to spar with you. I chose the challenge best suited for you. Now tell me who your instructor was today?”

Grey stared at Luna, his jaw dropped when he finally realized.

“My instructor was Princess Luna, princess of the moon, mistress of the night sky, princess of the dark and unknown, co-ruler of the realm of Equestria. Can I say Nightmare Moon?”

“You may. I don’t mind the double meaning. Just don’t say it to me with any other pony around.”

“I’m sorry; I’m still a little dizzy. There is a lot going on in my head right now.”

“You trained well today. Take the rest of the day off and go soak in the river. Meditate on what you have learned. Do more stretching and less strength training this week.

The Play's The Thing

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Chapter Eight: The Play’s the Thing

“The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places.

But those that will not break it kills.

It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially.”

— Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms.

Grey stood at his post as Luna walked out of the palace to stand behind him on the veranda.

“Turn around pony; We are invited to the Ponyville Plays. Allow me to begin again, that was the royal ‘we’. I have been invited to the Ponyville Plays and I have accepted. I am taking you as my attendant.”

Grey’s ears drooped.

“What is it? You can’t hide anything from me.”

“I would rather not go back to Ponyville if that’s alright with you.”

“Were you exiled, did you steal, art thou a criminal? What is it? Confess.”

“No your highness it’s just that I quit my job in Ponyville without giving any notice and left. I was just the street sweeper.”

“I see. We leave in the afternoon.”

Grey heard a scream come from over the Everfree forest. Not one he recognized or even heard before. A black chariot with four Royal Pegasi came over the forest. It circled the field and landed in front of the palace. No not Pegasi, Bat ponies! Grey had seen the Royal Guard Pegasi that pulled Celestia’s chariot. They never wasted a movement or a motion. They were still most of the time. Not bat ponies! They fought each other they laughed and snorted. They struggled against their chains. The one closest to Grey kept snapping at him and laughing,

“Hey ugly come here I want to talk to you.” Snap.

Luna exited the palace and the bat ponies were subdued. Grey opened the door of the chariot. Luna entered and made herself comfortable.

“You take the position of the footman on the back. Hang on tight. If you fall you fall.”

The chariot jerked into the air. Grey hung on for all he was worth. He would only look forward not down. His first flight was terrifying. The earth dropped away with just the backboard under his back hooves. The bat ponies didn’t seem to be taking a direct rout. They would fly hard then let slack build in their chains and jerk the chariot forward. Luna didn’t seem to notice. Grey watched the chains for slack and braced himself for the next jolt. Ponyville valley appeared ahead. The chariot aimed for Main Street, came down in a straight line, landed and then rolled along Main Street leaving a cloud of dust. Grey stepped off the back and opened the door for Luna. He hoped nopony could see his shaking legs.

Luna whispered to Grey as she passed him. “Fix your hair, follow me.”

Grey’s mane and tail were as wild as the wind. He managed it as best he could and followed behind Luna.

Luna met Mayor Mane who acted as her ambassador. Luna then greeted the heroes of Equestria. Then every shop owner, then every adult pony in town.

The bat ponies and the chariot had disappeared but only Grey seemed to notice.

A light supper had been prepared in the field next to the outdoor stage. Luna sat at the head table with the mayor and dignitaries flanking her. Grey stood at the end of the table watching everypony eat.

Mental note, eat before coming to one of these things.

Dessert and tea was served to the head table. While dishes were being cleared Luna signalled Grey over.

“Eat a sandwich, don’t faint on me.”

Grey had seen all the plays before. All of Ponyville sat on logs in front of the stage. Luna sat on the nicest chair reserved exclusively for royalty. Mayor Mare sat next to her. Grey stood on Luna’s left. The plays seemed better organized than Grey remembered. Probably putting on an extra effort for the princess.

When the plays were over, Luna and the mayor walked to the town hall.

“Stand guard here, I am going to have a meeting with Madam Mayor.”

Grey turned around and stood guard in front of the mayor’s office. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash approached with feathers in their mouths and evil smiles. Grey lowered his eyes and turned into a statue. They approached slowly and cautiously aiming their feathers for Grey’s nostrils. Just before they touched Grey inhaled and yelled “BOO!”

They fell back laughing.

“Sorry girls, I’m not that kind of guard pony.”

Rainbow Dash flew off. Pinkie said, “Good seeing you Grey. Are you staying for the after party?”

“Probably not. Pinkie?”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“No, you were going to say something.”

“It was good seeing everypony today, even if you were the only one to say ‘hi’. Could you tell everypony that I’m sorry for the way I left.”

“You worry too much. Party more, dance more. Bye.”

The door behind Grey opened and Luna spoke through it.

“Would you come in here.”

Mayor Mare stood behind her desk. Luna stood to one side. She seemed larger in the small office.

“Madam Mayor, it is my duty to inform you that this pony abandoned his post. He did not give fair notice or any notice that he was leaving. He left town unannounced and may have caused concern for those he left.

She’s turning me in! Exposing me as the fraud I am!

Mayor Mare disliked controversy. It was a victory for her to get Luna to come to Ponyville and now it was all falling apart.

She asked, “What was your post young pony?”

Grey answered, “I was the town street sweeper.”

Mayor Mare said slowly. “I’m sorry Your Highness I hate to contradict you I really do but to the best of my knowledge, we’ve never had a street sweeper.”

Luna grew in size, her armour appeared. Her mane and tale whipped like flames. She towered over Grey.
“If you have lied to me or tried to deceive me in the slightest way I will destroy you!”

Thunder rolled down the valley.

The day had started out so well for the Mayor. She had bragging rights over all town mayors in the area. And now her lovely town was going to end up a smoking crater because of some grey pony she had never seen before.

Grey’s heart broke. He felt as if he was back to being nothing in Ponyville, less than nothing in front of his princess and the mayor. Grey wanted to sink between the floor boards and disappear forever. He gazed at the floor took a deep breath, summoned the last of his courage and said,

“When I got my cutie mark somepony showed me where the street cleaning equipment was kept. I was told to light the street lamps and sweep at night. She gave me a few coins once in a while and then I never saw her again. I doubt I was ever on the town ledger. I was always too ashamed to ask for a wage. I can show you where my, where the broom is kept. It has my teeth marks on it. I’m sorry for the way I left. I couldn’t take it anymore. It still wasn’t proper. It doesn’t look like anypony missed me anyway. I’m so sorry.”

Mayor Mane said, “I didn’t know, I’m sorry. I thought the street lamps weren’t lit anymore because of our austerity measures. I’ve been getting the merchants to clean up after themselves more lately. This may explain the rash of potholes.”

The Mayor was about to apologies again when Luna interrupted.

“Pony, outside now.”

When the door closed behind Grey Luna returned to her regular size.

“Madam Mayor, I offer my most humble apologies for my guard pony’s rude behaviour. He is a new recruit and he is as they say green as grass. Rest assured that I will write Princess Celestia a letter telling her of the wonderful time I have had in Ponyville. Perhaps next year the two of us may attend your amazing plays. Until then, be well. Good night.”

When the door closed behind Luna, Mayor Mane fell back into her chair. What was that about?

Grey held the door of Luna’s chariot open. Luna walked down the steps of the town hall and into the chariot. Grey closed the door quietly.

“I’m sorry I bothered you. Meeting you was the highlight of my life. Goodb…”

“You take the position of the footman on the back. Hang on tight. If you fall you fall.”

The flight back was slightly less stressful. The bat ponies seemed better behaved. They may have recognized Luna’s voice in the thunder.

At the palace Grey held the door for Luna.

“It’s going to rain tonight. You have permission to stay on the veranda if you like. Sleep tonight.”

The bat ponies and chariot blurred into smoke and dissipated. The doors of the palace opened for Luna and closed behind her. Grey stood on his rock.

It wasn’t her fault she had to know. I was never as terrified as I was in the mayor’s office.

Grey relived every moment over and over in his head. His stomach was a tight knot. He tried to control his breathing. Saliva was building in his mouth faster than he could swallow it. He ran as fast as he could to edge of the Everfree forest and vomited then vomited again. He bit a mouthful of grass, chewed it and spit it out. Grey walked back to his post.

Never again! Never again will I be that scared. I am sick of it. I am sick to death of it. Always too scared. I let them push me around. Too scared to stand up for myself. Too scared to ask for what is rightfully mine. Too scared to ask a girl to dance. I fear failure so I never try. I’m always apologizing. Luna is the only one who has had the slightest faith in me. I would die for her. If she tells me to put my head in a dragon’s mouth I’ll do it. If she tells me to walk into lava I’ll do it. I am dead to this world. That’s it! You can’t frighten or intimidate a dead thing. You can’t threaten me with death I’m already dead. Everything else seems so trivial now.

Grey shouted at the sky, “Hey bat ponies, come here I want to talk to you!”

/]*[\

A day later Luna and Grey stood in the great hall of the Everfree forest palace.

“This is called a form or a series. It is the Way of doing. Think of it as a dance. They are solo dances where you will spar with yourself as your enemy. This one is the oldest form. It will teach you the proper postures and use of breathing. The name of this form means three phases or three battles. Remember I said mind, body and spirit. Why are you so pensive today pony? You are not your usual eager to please self. Perhaps you are still irate with my treatment of you earlier in Ponyville?”

“No Your Highness, just the opposite. I am extremely grateful to you for allowing me to let go of that guilt. You were correct to turn me in. you had to know if I was loyal and honourable or not. I have made a life changing decision. You might ask me if I would die for you. My answer is I already have. I have let go of all my stupid fears including the fear of death. You said you would not look for me in battle. You have no need to. I have no intention of leaving the field of battle.”

“I do see a change in you pony. I see that you are not brooding. A famous general once said ‘the object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his’. What do you say to this?

Grey flinched at the ‘B’ word.

“I say tell your general that I’m already dead and I don’t care what he says and I’m taking fifty of his bastards with me. With all due respect.”

“Pony this is an advanced mind-set. I was not planning to give you the challenge to develop this in you for another two years. What you are experiencing is to be without the thought of fear. It is usually first learned in a static state. Today we will make it dynamic.”

Grey didn’t understand Luna’s answer, “There must be something to this. When I walk through the Everfree forest the predators look at me differently. Some of them actually move out of my way. I feel an energy in my lower belly. Have you given me magic or are you turning me into a unicorn so I can fight unicorns?”

“Oh pony you are so full of surprises today. No I did not give you magic nor am I turning you into a unicorn. I would never do that to you. What you feel is your spiritual focus. You have always had it. Every living entity has it. You have just become aware of yours. Remember the play about the secret assassin in black pyjamas who always shouted before she attacked? That is called a spirit shout which is an expression of that energy through breathing. Poor girl has no idea. As I said you are going to learn how to breathe. We are going to put together your no-mind with your focus and breathing, the Way of forms.”

Grey’s heart soared.

Enter Twilight

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Grey saw a flash of light in the middle of the field. From it a purple unicorn appeared and walked toward the palace. She wore saddle bags and had red and purple highlights in her mane and tail. She walked with an air of confidence. She ignored Grey’s presence and strode straight for the stairs. Grey intercepted her and stood in front of her.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, I’m Twilight Sparkle. Princess Luna and I were talking about her library at the plays. I’ve come to see it.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“I’m Twilight Sparkle; I am Princess Celestia’s most faithful student. Princess Celestia has given me access to every library in Canterlot at any time of the day or night including the Royal Library. Now if you will just step aside.”

“Excuse me but this is not Canterlot. Do you have an appointment?”

They butted heads, literally.

“I am Princess Celestia’s most faithful student. I AM here to see the library.”

“I recall you saying that and I recall saying ‘do you have an appointment’?”

Twilight’s horn glowed as she pushed Grey back.

“There is a very old library behind you and I intend on seeing it.”

“That’s a nice story. How’s it working for you?”

Twilight was pushing Grey up the stairs backwards.

“I can transport you to someplace nasty if you don’t get out of my way.”

“Go ahead. The doors won’t open for you anyway. Then what will you do? Transport yourself into Princess Luna’s palace without knocking?”

“You. Are. In my way.”

Grey had moved up the stairs. When Twilight’s hoof touched the first step he yelled.

“Princess Luna intruder alert at the front entrance!”

Luna appeared on the veranda at the top of the stairs.

“What is this commotion?”

“Good day princess. I’ve come to see your library as we discussed at the plays.”

Grey stared at Twilight. “She doesn’t have an appointment.”

“I am sorry Twilight Sparkle my sentinel is correct. You have come unannounced. Please arrange an appointment with him.”

Twilight looked at the sentry she had pushed up the stairs. His back legs were bent and low on the porch his front legs were down the stairs and his head was low making him appear very aggressive.

“Oh your highness I am so sorry you are right of course, I have come unannounced. I was so excited about seeing your library that I totally forgot my manors. I apologize for my rudeness.”

Twilight looked at Grey. “You may return mid-day in one quarter of a lunar cycle.”

Twilight bowed to Luna, smiled at Grey turned and walked away.

Grey stood up on the veranda next to Luna. “I don’t get it princess. She was wrong, she admitted she was wrong and it didn’t bother her at all.”

“Twilight Sparkle accepted the responsibility of her error therefore becoming more flexible than you.”

"‘One who accepts the misfortunes of the organization can be called the leader of the world.’"

You could learn a lot from that one. In fact that is an order. When she returns you will learn as much as you can from her. ‘A quarter lunar cycle’ seriously? We never spoke in such a manor.”

They watched Twilight walk away. Then Grey watched Luna watch Twilight walk away.

/]*[\

Grey lead Twilight to the library as if he had been there before. The doors opened before them. The library was the height of the palace. There was a ladder on each wall to reach the books and to get to the balcony of the next floor. There were couches and old wooden tables for reading. The windows across from the doors were narrow and stretched the height of the room. Grey noticed that there was only one lamp and it was on the centre desk.

Twilight spoke as they both looked around, “First of all I’d like to apologise for the way I acted last week. That was very rude of me. I behaved in a stereotypical Canterlot fashion. I am sorry. I am against pigeonholing ponies then I became what I dislike.”

Grey still thought of her as a lofty Canterlot pony.

Twilight Sparkle was thrilled to be in this private old library. They were both curious as to where she would begin.

“Princess Luna has ordered that I learn as much as I can from you. Can you tell me how you find the books you want?”

“Of course, this library is laid out in the old tradition. This desk holds a card catalogue with a description and an approximate location of every book and scroll. I really should make a card catalogue for the Ponyville library but I know where everything is anyway.”

Twilight’s horn glowed as she pulled out a long narrow drawer of cards and then flipped through them faster than Grey could see.

“Here’s one I’ve always wanted to see.”

Twilight looked at the wall of books to her left and an old leather bound book slid out of its place and landed on the desk.

“This is the Book of Celtic Spells in its original language.”

Twilight leafed through the book.

“I know these spells of course but it’s interesting to read them in the language they were made in.”

“How can you read something that’s not in our language?”

“Silly, think about what you just said.”

“Princess Luna said I don’t even know how far the sun and moon are away. Um, how far are they away?”

“According to Canterlot astronomers the sun is about 720 million furlongs away and the moon is about 200 thousand furlongs away.”

“I do understand astronomy and that the moon and earth have elliptical orbits and we say the sun follows the moon because of the way they appear in the sky.”

“The moon follows the sun.” she said in a correcting voice.

“Twilight Sparkle I have another question. You’ve been in lots of palaces and castles in Canterlot and probably other places. In those places do the floors ever move?”

Twilight was engrossed in the book and said flatly. “Floors don’t move.”

A mystery for another day I guess.

The Tao of Power; passage 78. Lao Tzu translated by R.W. Wing. 1986.

An Informal Ball

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Chapter Nine: An Informal Ball

“Bu da bu Xiang Shi.”

“Without a fight you do not know each other.”

Chinese Proverb.

Grey stood in the Great Hall daydreaming when he should have been practicing his forms. He had never noticed the chandeliers before. Like silver wagon wheels on their sides separated by silver chains covered by crystals.

I get it; the crystals amplify the light by deflecting it. But how am I supposed to clean them?

Another notion was forming in his head.

The room is large enough to accommodate everypony. Food and music Luna could make that appear from Canterlot. The problem is how to ask. Luna isn’t in the palace that often. She just comes here for solitude. I could knock on the throne room door. That’s dumb, why would she sit in a throne room in an empty palace. I could leave her a note on her throne. It’s probably bad etiquette to enter the throne room uninvited. Best to be patient and wait for her to return.

Royal Canterlot Voice!

“I can hear your lack of practice all the way from Canterlot.”

Luna appeared at the door.

Grey bowed, “Your Highness, I want to make up for the way I left Ponyville. I have an idea as to how I can do that.”
“You said you had let go of those feelings.”

“I did but what I did was still impolite and dishonourable and I feel I owe Ponyville a debt. We could, I mean with your absolute approval of everything, there could be an informal ball here for everypony from Ponyville. You could get a band and food from Canterlot. I would do all the work.

Luna mused aloud, “On one hoof, ponies will know the location of my palace. On the other, I to feel I owe a debt to Ponyville. It is a friendly idea and I approve and I agree you will do all the work and that includes procuring the food and music. I could ask Madam Mayor and she would agree in an instant so I will not. You shall negotiate with Twilight Sparkle. You shall learn the art of negation with this challenge.

Do you need some time to prepare a strategy? Too bad. Good Luck. Good bye.”

/]*[\

A small wisp of air moved some dust off of a cobblestone in the centre of the town square of Ponyville. Before the dust settled it was picked up again and moved in a circle. The circle of dust turned into a dust devil. It picked up all the dust and leaves from the centre of the square. The dust rubbed together producing static sparks. This is when the ponies in the market noticed it. They surrounded it lowered their heads at it and sniffed it. It smelled like flint and ozone. The dust devil turned into a small dark tornado the sparks turned into small lightning bolts. The ponies backed away. All the lightning bolts cracked at once and Grey appeared. He was as wide eyed as the ponies in the market. He moved his eyes from side to side then moved his head side to side. Everypony was staring at him. Ponies from outside of the town square were running in to see what was happening.

At least I’m facing the library. Mental note, keep my big mouth shut.

Grey walked forward slowly. The ponies backed away and made an opening for him. He walked up to the door of the library and knocked. The door opened.

Spike looked up at Grey, “Can I help you?”

Dragon! Girl stealing dragon!

“I wish to talk to Twilight Sparkle.”

“Twilight it’s for you.” Spike walked away from the door.

“Of course it’s for me. If it’s not for you it’s for me.” Came the reply.

“What-ever.” Said Spike.

“Oh it’s you. What can I do for you?” Twilight said in a less than enthusiastic voice.

“I um, I represent Princess Luna. We, I mean, I am here to negotiate the possibility of an informal ball to be held at Princess Luna’s Everfree forest palace. What? Why are you smiling at me like that? Do I have something on my face?”

Twilight had been living in Ponyville long enough to know what would happen next. In three… two… one…

Pink flash and smash! Pinkie Pie crashed into Grey sending him flying into the field beside the library. Most of Ponyville had gathered around to watch.

Pinkie Pie looked down at Grey. “Party, you said party didn’t you? Party, party, party! When? How soon? At Luna’s palace? Wow, that is just so super-duper awesome!”

Grey shook his head and looked up, “I’m sorry Pinkie but nothing has been decided. The residents of Ponyville would have to provide food and music. That is if Twilight agrees to it in the first place.”

Pinkie looked at Twilight and vibrated.

“Pinkie I don’t even know what this is about.” Twilight turned to Grey, “Normally I’d invite you into the library to discuss such things. But it looks like all of Ponyville wants to hear. Spike, get your note pad!”

The ponies moved into the field with Twilight and Grey in the centre of the group. Twilight sat down and motioned the ponies to sit. Eventually Grey sat on his knees and shifted his tail along his side.

In time Twilight spoke about the ball. “So you’re saying we have to provide the food and the music for your ball? We will have to carry it all the way there through the Everfree forest and back at night. I suppose we have to clean the hall after too? I know what you’re going to say Pinkie; this is between him and me.”

“This is why I use the word ‘negotiate’. I don’t know anything about these things. I literally had the idea ten minutes ago. I would really appreciate your help and everyponies help. They say you are an expert organizer. Are you up for the challenge?”

Twilight answered, “Oh aren’t you clever, appealing to my ego so you can impress your princess.”

“I thought I would be paying my debt to Ponyville. Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I was just doing this for my ego. But I had to ask. Thank you for your time.”

A small voice came from the crowd. “I can play the flute.”

Oh, thank you so much little one.

Then more voices. “Can we all go?”

“The Apple family has lots of wagons.”

“Cider season is coming.”

“What’s an informal ball?”

/]*[\

Grey stood in front of Princess Luna’s throne in her Everfree forest palace.

“Well, tell me about it.”

“It’s a go. The informal ball is on.”

“I don’t care about that. Tell me about the negations.”

“It was a battle and a dance. And Twilight is an expert. I thought we would talk in the library alone but we were in the field surrounded by everypony in Ponyville. Her strategy was to keep me off balance. To be opposite of me. I was formal she was relaxed. I stood she sat. I wanted to come to the point right away she made small talk. I thought she would want to be helpful but she shot holes in everything I said. I appealed to her ego she called me on it. I had to see it from her point of view and agree with her. In a way it was like bartering with a merchant. I had to be willing to sacrifice everything to win. And then unexpected allies.”

Luna looked Grey in the eye, smiled and said, “Have I underestimated you earth pony? So when are we hosting this great informal ball?”

The Ball Beautiful

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Chapter Ten: The Ball Beautiful

Princess Luna, Co-ruler of Equestria

Requests the pleasure of

[your name here]

Company on the fourth day after the conclusion of cider season

At Ten O’clock Post Meridiem

At The Everfree Forest Palace.

Dancing-Dinner R.S.V.P. Twilight Sparkle

The library doors opened for Luna as she entered the Everfree forest palace library where Twilight and Grey were working on the party preparations. Grey was sorting the RSVPs. All had come back without regrets. Grey stood at attention and bowed immediately. He was annoyed at how long it took Twilight to put down her writing and stand.

Luna turned to Grey, “Here we have an example of leadership. If this informal ball of yours goes off without a hitch, I shall receive all accolades. If there are any problems, that is to say if Pinkamina destroys anything, if there are fights, or attacks on my palace, you get all the blame. You do understand the meaning of this, do you not?”

Grey wanted some credit for his idea but deflected his discomfort with humour.

“Twilight, does your Alicorn treat you in such a manor?”

Luna was amused at Grey’s bravery but Twilight was aghast. She was about to admonish him in a dozen ways when Luna intercepted.

“It is fine Twilight; he is, after all one of a kind.”

Luna and Twilight exchanged smiles as Luna left the library.

“You’re doing it again,” Grey said, his ears lowered.

“Doing what?” Twilight asked in a sweet voice.

“Looking at me as if I have food on my face.”

“It's fine.”

For the rest of the day Grey had donkey ears.

/]*[\

Grey had all the tables and chairs set up in the ball room before anypony arrived. Everything he needed was hidden in the walls. Twilight Sparkle had a list for him and a map of how the room was to be laid out which Grey cavalierly followed.

Ponyville ponies with food, musical instruments and a small amount of decorations were arriving. They all had their own lists. Instruments were placed on the stage, and containers of every shape and size were taken to the kitchen. The lists seemed overly complicated but everything was coming together. It was as if Ponyville ponies were accustomed to these lists and it was Grey that was out of place in the great hall where he trained every day.

Mrs. Cake set a stack of small plates on the end of the buffet table. She unfolded a napkin revealing a large oatmeal muffin. “You need to eat this so you can last ‘til dinner. Then you are to report to the front door.”

Grey looked at Mrs. Cake while eating the muffin. His eyes rolled back and he smiled with crumbs on his mouth. Mrs. Cake told Grey to get going and stop wasting time. He ran off to the front of the palace.

Grey stood beside Luna as she greeted each guest from Ponyville at the entrance to the palace. She wore a layered grand blue ball gown with stars on it that winked like the ones in her mane and tail. Grey felt awkward as each Ponyville pony looked at him as they entered the palace. His ears were back to normal and he had brushed himself as best he could.

Then Grey realised something he never noticed before. He expected Ponyville to be dressed for the occasion, perhaps even overdressed. He wanted an informal party; Ponyville had gone overboard but still not unexpected. Did they expect him to dress up? In what? All of Ponyville knew Grey owned nothing! And still they looked. Grey realized he was nude in front of his townsfolk!

Twilight Sparkle didn’t mention anything about a dress code. She set me up!

There was a lull in the greeting line.

Luna turned to Grey. “Excuse me pony, I neglected to mention that a colonel from Canterlot will be attending our little informal ball. He wishes to meet Rainbow Dash. He is not a Wonderbolt. He’s just curious so he asked to be invited. You will be his aide-de-camp. That means you will facilitate, to make easy his time here. Make him feel at home. Stand with him and introduce him around. I have purchased a great deal of Apple family cider for this event. It is also your job to keep him away from it as he likes it just a little too much and it would be unseemly for him to become intoxicated here.”

Great a snooty Canterlot pony. A stuffy snooty military one that drinks at that. I was hoping to talk with my old friends and get caught up on stuff and apologize and maybe brag a little. They won’t even talk to me if I’m with a Canterlot pony all night. They’ll think I’m turning into one if they haven't already.

The colonel arrived. He flew down and landed in front of the stairs. He adjusted his white tunic over his wings and bowed to the princess.

“Your Highness, thank you so much for the invitation.”

He was tall for a Pegasus with a broad chest and shoulders. His white mane was closely cropped, his jaw reminded Grey of a lantern. His eyes were firm and deep set below a scowling brow. Grey thought that the colonel would be intimidating to a new recruit, then he swallowed hard.

Luna introduced him. “Colonel Gilroy this is Grey, your aide-de-camp, he will take care of all your needs this evening.”

“The name is Gilly Gilroy young fella, let me buy you a drink. I hear that there is Apple Family cider to be had here.”

Gilly shook Grey’s hoof with great enthusiasm and they walked to the ball room.

By introducing him to as many ponies as he could Grey thought he was doing a good job keeping Gilly away from the cider. Until he realized he was being manipulated and that Gilly was the one in full control of the social situation. Gilly made everypony he met feel comfortable. He spoke little of himself and asked questions that relaxed and opened others. He even talked to the young foals and answered their questions.

“If those are real medals? How come they’re so small?”

Gilly answered, “They are real and they are for formal occasions like this so I can dance with you pretty fillies. It’s not even all of them. Just the ones I like.”

Gilly casually mentioned some battles where he earned some of his medals and Grey’s eyes went big.

Gilly talked to Grey’s old friends. In moments he knew their favourite sports teams. A few more questions and Gilly knew some of their team’s secrets.

Gilly and Grey moved from one group of ponies to another then Gilly turned to Grey. “What’s with you young fella? You’re twitchy.”

“Sorry sir, I have a lot to watch and be responsible for tonight.”

“Good for you. You’re doing a great job. I think Pinkie is up to no good. I overheard her say something about using Luna’s tea set as a drum kit. Follow her young fella.”

It was a fool’s errand. Pinkie was only strolling through the crowd greeting others. She found a pony that was standing by themselves and took him to the dance floor to dance.

Conversations stopped when Grey walked by groups without the colonel. They all looked at him. Only his closest ‘friends’ nodded his presence.

Be composed Grey, be dignified, restrain your irritation. Be as refined as Colonel Gilroy. You have your own personal power. Be at ease in this situation, just like Gilly is at ease.

When Grey caught up with Gilly, he was leaning on the bar at the end of the hall. He had drunk a pint of cider and was working on his second.

“Good one, sir.”

“Why are you so uptight? It’s your job to look after me not Pinkie.”

“It’s just if anything happens it’s my fault.”

“Really? Tell me how did all these ponies walk through the Everfree forest tonight?”

“Luna provided safe passage and watched over them.”

“So, how can you do anything to prevent trouble if an Alicarn Princess can’t?”

“I must be always on guard, always. The slightest problem will be blamed on me. I just know something is going to happen tonight. I can feel it.”

“Are you planning to not do your best? Is there anything you can do to prevent something you know nothing about? Then worry is a toxic waste of energy isn’t it? ”

Derpy and Dr. Turner walked by.

“The potential for chaos and destruction with this group is immense.” Grey said as the two left his sight.

“Ya, but what can you do?”Gilly took another drink.

Applejack spoke in Grey’s ear, “Rainbow Dash is a gonna to explode if you don’t introduce her.”

Grey whispered back, “Don’t worry, she’s the whole reason he’s here. Just keep her calm I’m planning to introduce the six of you as the heroes of Equestria. That should impress him. Go gather the girls.”

Gilly managed to order another cider while Grey was distracted. “You saw my cutie mark didn’t you. It’s a spy glass. That doesn’t mean I’m a spy. It means I observe things like you Grey. Every time we get close to that pink and yellow Pegasus, you lose focus. Now you are going to tell me about the two of you.”

“Colonel Gilroy there is nothing to tell. I have let go of all of my fears and my past life.”

“Oh really? So, if you have no heart, then why is it your heart rate double whenever she’s near, hmm? That Big Macintosh fella was just dancing with her. I suggest you keep an eye on him instead of me and Pinkie.”

“It’s my duty to keep an eye out for you sir. I am your aide-de-camp.”

“You can aide me by loosening up. Admit it; you thought I’d be stiff and snooty. Yet you’re the stiffest pony in the room.”

“I’m sorry Colonel Gilroy, sir I have no social skills or training. I’m as formal as I can be because it’s all I know.”

“It’s a defence, isn’t it? Tonight I have learned about every pony in Ponyville except you. Why is that, do you suppose?”

“Oh look, The Six have assembled for you sir. It is my honour to introduce Colonel Gilroy to the heroes of Equestria. I believe you may know Twilight Sparkle.”

Grey introduced the rest and mentioned their special element. Gilly bowed and asked a small question to each. When he got to Fluttershy he asked.

“Ms Fluttershy my aide has not had a break all night. Would you do him the kindness of dancing with him just this once?”

“I’m sorry I can’t. Rarity wants to ask him a question. I have to go help with the, um, stuff.”

Grey drooped his ears and eyebrows giving Gilly an ‘I told you so’ look.

Gilly turned back to Rainbow Dash. “Ms Dash, I know you have questions for me about the Wonderbolts. You probably know as much about them as I do. But I do have a question for you and I will report your response to the Wonderbolt Academy. Can you dance as a Wonderbolt can dance?”

With that Gilly grabbed her and they leaped into the air above the dance floor and danced as only Pegasi can dance. Grey kept an eye on his charge. He totally forgot about Rarity.

“Grey you simply must tell me what you’ve done to your coat?”

“What? Nothing. Sorry, what?”

“Your coat, you used to be grey as a mule now look at you, you are positively metallic.”

“I’m sorry Rarity I don’t understand.” And don't call me a mule!

“Your coat, look at your coat it’s not the same colour.”

Grey looked at both sides of his flank and tail. His fur was smoother, and had some shine to it instead of its flat mousy colour. The change had come on so slowly he hadn’t noticed.

“Oh my, I see. Luna gave me a silver brush a while ago and told me to brush my coat twice a day. And I’ve been eating these apples from a tree Celestia gave Luna. I’ve never seen or tasted apples like that. Is this why everypony stares at me?”

“They stare at you because you come from Ponyville and now you are Princess Luna’s guard pony. They stare at you because you are Colonel Gilroy’s personal assistant. See things from our point of view. You disappeared from Ponyville then you arrive back with Princess Luna. Then you transport yourself back in a ball of fireworks. You do know how ponies so love to gossip. It’s because we know nothing of what became of you. And the superstitious ones are calling you The Grey Ghost. To myself, you seem suddenly so dignified like an austere Canterlot officer. ”

Grey was caught off guard, “Rarity, I know of you but we’ve never met. You’re from Canterlot and I was just a street sweeper. I think you have me mixed up with some other pony.”

“Grey, dear, please. I’m not from Canterlot and I do know the difference between a refined pony and a Canterlot fop and you…”

Grey’s eyes followed the dancing Pegasi. Rainbow Dash and Gilly danced through several songs. Flying, twirling, spinning each other letting go and jumping off the walls and looping around the chandlers. When they had finished they bowed to each other and went their separate ways.

Grey was a long way from his charge, “I’m so sorry Rarity, I’ve been waiting all night for a chance to talk to anypony and explain what happened. And now that I have that chance and with a very important pony such as yourself, but I have to go after the colonel. I’m sorry, let’s talk later. Please.”

Grey bowed to Rarity. He pushed his way through the crowd to the side wall. Gilly glided down settling next to the buffet tables.

Rarity spoke to herself, “Well since you’re so polite and since you called me a V.I.P., we shall.”

Gilly was praising the cooks’ food as it was being placed on tables along the wall. The Ponyville ponies were immensely proud of their efforts and the colonel’s positive feedback intensified their joy and satisfaction. To Grey it seemed to be the same food that was always served during festivals in Ponyville. He rationalized that it was Princess Lina's china and silver servers that made it special, although the Cake’s had out done themselves at the desert table. They had matching outfits and were very happy to finish loading plates with their wares.

The colonel was asking which pony had made what dish while he was being directed to stand behind Luna by the mayor. Gilly modesty refused to be allowed in line behind the Princess. Grey used this commotion to get in line behind him pretending to have an important question.

“Colonel, do you have any advice for a new sentry?”

“What? You? You’re already doing it. You are very professional. Your eyes never stop moving. You’re always scanning the room. Very paranoid. Nothing is going to happen and yet you are still uptight. Tell me why.”

“This informal ball didn’t go the way I planned. I set this up so I could say sorry to Ponyville and, yes, brag about my new job working for Princess Luna.”

“This was your idea? Good for you. Do they know this? And why aren’t you the guest of honour instead of chaperoning somepony who is very capable of taking care of themselves?”

“Luna assigned me to be your aid but I think she did it so I wouldn’t stand in the corner all night. She’s very intuitive. I have learned more about the ponies of Ponyville tonight listening to your conversations than in a near lifetime of living close to them. Everypony here knows this was my idea. I’m an outcast; even Twilight Sparkle set me up to look foolish.” Grey looked down at his lack of dress.

“Now I know that can’t be true. I know her family very well and Twilight has always been the kindest most studious meticulous pony I know. So, if you’re wrong about that perhaps you’re wrong about other assumptions you’ve made.”

“Okay, I’ll be positive; my thoughts are my worst enemy.”

“There you go.”

“I want to let go of my ego. Luna said not getting credit is part of leadership. I want recognition. That makes me selfish.”

“Ha! You can only let go of your ego for a moment. Like fear, it’s only gone for a moment in the heat of battle. Therefore, you are not selfish. Someday you may have to learn how to let go of fear.”

“Actually that was my first lesson, I have learned that lesson.”

“Really, I wonder what Luna is grooming you for?”

“I never thought of that.”

“Keep doing what you’re doing young fella.”

“Thank you sir.” Although not helpful.

Once Gilly had his plate filled, he was whisked to a table of single girls at the back of the hall. There was no place for Grey so he put his plate on the bar and ate from there. It was a good vantage point to watch Gilly’s table and the whole hall. Grey sighed when the girls gave the colonel their cider.

The musical instruments had been put away for dinner. And now the head table was set up with Luna presiding at its centre. She stood and looked around. Her voice filled the hall effortlessly.

“Where is Colonel Gilroy? Look for the table with all the ladies aaaand, there he is. Colonel, I call upon you to give the toast.”

Gilly stood and the rest of the great hall stood.

“To Celestia, Equestria and health.”

“Cheers!”

To Princess Luna, for hosting this grand informal ball.”

“Cheers!”

To Ponyville, for providing food made with love, music made of love and the wonderful company of Ponyville ponies.”

“Cheers!”

Everypony dug into their feast. Each table erupted into conversation. When it was done everypony help in the clean-up. It was as though a wave of dishes advanced to the kitchen. Musicians were back on stage and the dancing resumed. Pinkie Pie cornered Grey against the bar. He tried to get around her, before the colonel disappeared in the crowd. She grinned at him from ear to ear.

“We’ve had this conversation before Pinkie, I am having fun.”

Pinkie grinned harder, brighter.

“Pinkie, I’m working. I promise I will dance with you after the colonel leaves.”

Pinkie tilted her head and squeaked.

“Pinkie, did you see all the dishes I have to wash? Alright, I’ll do my best, but you must find me before the end of the dancing.”

Pinkie let him go and catch up to Gilly who was talking to Luna.

“Colonel Gilroy, it is time for me to say my goodbyes. As you know, the hostess always departs early so the rest may be at ease to celebrate. Tell me how did you enjoy the ball?”

“Your Highness, it was wonderful. The food was homemade and delicious. The music was delightfully from the heart. I didn’t get near enough cider but that was Grey’s challenge, wasn’t it?”

“Leave it to you to see everything that’s going on Gilly. And now you will report on your assignment thus singing for your supper and cider.”

Grey was amazed, The colonel had a challenge?

“Oh he’s a tough nut to crack, Princess. He’s very good at deflecting questions about himself and changing the subject. He has had at least two traumatic events in his life perhaps more. He has scars in him. He says he comes from Ponyville but he’s not sure himself. I have no idea why he’s here. Would you like to know who he is in love with?”

“No, thank you colonel. That is extremely obvious. I plan on torturing him for the rest of eternity anyway. That was an excellent report.”

Grey was astonished, I was the colonel’s challenge?

“Your Highness, I do have a parting gift for my Aide-de-camp. Grey, if Princess Luna says you are a guard pony and her guard pony, you Are Her Royal Guard pony!”

Grey mentally sighed, But, she never has.

A Disease of Discord (revised for 2020)

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Chapter Eleven: A Disease of Discord

“In examining disease, we gain wisdom about anatomy and physiology and biology.

In examining the person with disease, we gain wisdom about life.”
― Oliver Sacks

Grey stood on the rock by the steps of Princess Luna’s Everfree forest palace. His self-chosen Royal Guard Pony position. He was cloud watching. That is to say, daydreaming. The clouds were evenly spaced, with dark flat bottoms and bright white fluffy tops. They moved slowly and uniformly. And it all seemed unnatural to a former resident of Ponyville where the seasons are changed physically.

How do they know how to stay at the same height without Pegasi to guide and herd them? All those clouds are moving at the same pace, yet they’re all evenly spaced, shouldn’t they be bunching up like animals would? I know that clouds are just water deliverers, but these ones are acting like living things. I wonder if that is it? Things in the Everfree are living thinking things. Grey turned his attention to the edge of the forest where it touched the field. The leaves rustled without the assistance of a breeze. They made a sound like when ponies whisper about you behind your back.

Grey jumped when Princess Luna spoke from the veranda.

“I apologise, I did not mean to startle you. I know you have friends back in Ponyville.”

Grey pulled back his ears.

“A disease is coming. We believe that it is an offshoot of a contagion Discord used against us Alicorns in the ancient times. It re-emerges every century or so. It flares up at one end of Equestria and spreads across the land like a wildfire. If you have limited contact with the Everfree forest creatures and no contact with anypony for a month you shall be fine. My sister and I are not affected by the new versions of the disease.”

“That’s fine, Princess. Thank you for thinking of me. I’m content to stand guard here.”

“Am I making assumptions? You don’t mind being isolated?”

“I’ve been isolated my whole life. It’s not a hardship for me.”

“If you become infected here, I won’t be able to help you. You will have to return to Ponyville to let the illness run its course. If you are alone when you have the disease you will die of dehydration. My sister and I will be coordinating relief efforts while analysing this new version of the disease from Canterlot.”

Grey’s ears perked, “Your Highness, I have an idea, with your permission.”

“Pony this is not a challenge. This is deadly serious. The disease will be extremely difficult on the young and old. You have absolutely no medical training. What can you offer?”

“I offer myself as I assume a guard pony should. I so want to help and be the best guard I can be for my princess. You said the disease will start in one part of Equestria. Take me there and I will catch it with the first ones and then you can try cures on me.”

“Understand this. There is no cure. The disease is different every time it emerges. Experimenting on a pony is considered unethical.”

“It can't be unethical if I volunteer, can it? And things are different now. You’re back. You have your night garden with those strange Everfree forest plants. You could make a potion or a tea. There is a new pony, I hear she may be a zebra, living in the Everfree forest who knows a lot about plants and cures. If a cure can’t be found, maybe we can reduce the suffering.” Grey was wide eyed with the exciting possibility of helping all of Equestria.

“Let me tell you what the Canterlot scientists think about this disease before you make any decision. The germ is different from any other germ they have ever seen. It is small and difficult to observe even under the most powerful microscopes. It does not grow, it does not eat, and it refuses to live outside the host body. Some don’t consider it alive. Our scientists became upset when they discovered this microbe entering and changing the coding of an ordinary germ. They don’t know if the common cold and flu are offshoots of this disease of Discord’s. What say you now?”

Grey’s ears perked forward, “Let’s do it. How do we start?”

“I must admit, I’m feeling a certain creative energy I haven’t felt in a long while. I do have some ideas myself that do involve some of my night plants. But first, let’s get you sick.”

/]*[\

Princess Luna and Grey materialized on a trail that led to a small town. It only had a few buildings and cottages. Luna changed her size from Alicorn to that of a unicorn, slightly smaller than Grey. Her mane and tail stopped flowing and became silky dark blue hair. The stars that adorned her settled down into diamond constellation barrettes. Her wings were tucked flat against her and were impossible to see unless one knew what to look for.

They were met by an elderly white unicorn. “I’m sorry, we are under quarantine. Unless you have been infected, you must turn back now.”

“Thank you for your concern, but we are fine. My associate and I would like to learn about how the disease has affected your village.” Luna asked, “Do you have a sick house or infirmary?”

The old unicorn answered, “We are using the town hall as we do in such emergencies.”

Luna turned to Grey, “Why don’t you go say hello and find out all that you can. I shall stay here and talk to the mayor.”

The mayor shot a glance at Luna.

Grey walked into the town hall. It was a long room with a table of glasses and pitchers of water at the entrance. Cots were set up with the head of the bed at the wall and an aisle down the centre of the hall. Half of the cots were now empty. Grey was met by a small Pegasus. Her colour was off white with a black mane, tail, and black wingtips. “Are you sick?” she asked. “Please drink some water before you fall unconscious.”

“I’m fine. I’ve come to learn as much as I can in a short time.”

The pegasus was eager to pass on what she had learned, “Finally, we’ve felt so isolated since the disease arrived. First is the nausea and vomiting until they are empty. Then three days of fever dreams. This is when we must force fluids. Remember this when you go to help, ‘force fluids’. Then we have the stage we’re at now, ponies trying to stand when they are too weak. We try to convince them not to, but they feel they must. Remember how it was with you?”

Grey nodded in reflex. He then helped the Pegasus try to prevent an earth pony from standing. The stallion had a pair of worn-out overalls covering his solid muscular frame, but he was as weak as a kitten. Grey helped as best he could in the sick house until he got the feeling in the back of his head that it was time to leave. He wished the Pegasus the best of luck and apologized for not being able to stay longer. Grey walked outside towards Luna and the mayor. He felt gripped by an uncontrollable urge to lower his head and raise his tail. Grey brayed-belched and passed wind with such force it shook his whole body. He lowered his tail and stood there red faced in front of his princes and the mayor of the little village.

Luna rolled her eyes, “Aaand that is why we call it Discord’s Discharge. Discord made it to prank Alicorns and get some easy laughs. When he became bored with the results, he abandoned the disease to Equestria.”

The mayor saw Grey’s release and snapped at Luna. “You said you had been infected and were thus immune.”

“Oh, but I am immune. WE dealt with the contagion a thousand years ago. It wasn’t humorous then as it is not humorous now. You made the assumption that my assistant and I were both resistant. I allowed that misunderstanding to expedite our mission. This pony has volunteered to become infected in the early days of the plague to become a research subject.” Luna shook her mane and tail back to their usual flowing stellar form. She then stretched her wings as her tiara appeared.

The mayor dropped to the ground trying to bow, “Nightmare… my apologies. Your Highness. I’m sorry, I did not know it was you.”

Luna caught him. Not with magic, but with her forelegs. Grey was astonished at her speed and gentleness. “I did not wish you to know.” She smiled at the mayor as she placed him on his hooves, “I am sorry for the deception. We do not have time for the usual formalities of etiquette. Know that your town will be instrumental in helping the rest of Equestria. When your ponies are well, please send them to the next communities that become infected and pass on what you have learned. I am deeply sorry there was nothing my sister or myself could do to help your town.”

Grey was still red faced with shame. He had not witnessed this kind side of Princess Luna.

/]*[\

Luna and Grey appeared in the kitchen of the Everfree forest palace. It was extremely clean without a hoof smear or a hair anywhere. It was like a catalogue photograph of the perfect kitchen.

Luna told Grey to go gather straw and pile it up in the corner where he would sleep. “I will show you what I am going to do and as I do it. I want you to tell me everything you feel. Your ideas about tea intrigued me, along with some of the medicinal aspects of the night plants and what the mayor told me about the disease has stimulated me.”

Luna used her magic to gather kettles and pots to boil water on the great stove. It had been about an hour since Grey left the sick house.

Grey stood at attention, “I wish to formally apologize for my behaviour. I disgraced myself in front of both you and the mayor of that little town.”

Luna hummed, “Is that so. What happened to you is about to happen to everypony you have ever met. Sometimes the Discharge of Discord will blow the feathers off a Pegasus. Or fires magic out of both ends of a unicorn. Art thou brave enough to ask how it affected myself?”

Grey slurred, “I don’t think I can. I’m saved by the sickness. Oh, that was quick. My stomach is doing flips and there is a parasprite in my brain. I volunteered for this to help all ponies but now I feel guilty because I can only think of helping one pony. Please don’t let her feathers fall. My special somepony. Is that unethical? I think I’m going to need to use the bucket sooner than I thought. Please look away princess, you shouldn’t see this. Please your Luna don’t look it’s not princessly.”

Luna watched Grey vomit and collapse on the straw. Then she created a new notebook and started writing. When he was fully unconscious Princess Luna settled a rich thick blanket over Grey.

/]*[\

Grey galloped as hard as he could. He was far behind the herd and they were disappearing over the horizon. “Please wait for me!” He yelled. The sky was gone, the ground was gone, and he ran. He tried to get back to his rock, but it and the Everfree palace moved away from him. Then the palace and the forest exploded into their component parts. There was nothing under his hooves. He ran for what felt like days.

Abruptly, Grey’s body jerked, and his eyes opened wide. Through a small pinpoint of awareness, he realized that he was in a hospital. Walls, ceiling, bedding, white. A window of blue sky and a tan spire. Canterlot castle loomed in the window. He could make out ponies in white coats with goggles and masks staring down at him.

“No!” Grey yelled at nothing. “It’s wrong, it--is--wrong. This weakness disgusts me. Give me back my control. Give me back my strength!”

A black and white striped pony spoke to him. “You must tell us what you feel. It is important so we may help you heal. The disease will not allow you to conceal. Getting well must have great appeal.”

“Why are you singing at me without singing? Why am I in jail? I’m sorry! You see, I wanted to show her such t-t-tenderness. Not for you Grey, not for you! Stupid pony, bad pony, how dare you dream how dare you hope. To dream in pink and cream? What’s wrong with you!?” A pastel rainbow flowed and touched Grey’s cheek. For a slight moment he felt love and empathy. The pastel rainbow mane belonged to the matriarchal monarch of Equestria. The touch made Grey think of a word he never fully understood. Mother. “I’m sorry I never knew one! Did you have one? Everypony has a mom, except one. Me.” Grey yelled at Princess Celestia’s mane, “Get that manure flavoured drink away from me. Bring me cider!”

/]*[\

Grey opened his eyes again. This time he was back in the Everfree Forest palace. Luna was looking down at him. “Tell me everything you feel.”

“My stomach is empty and hungry. I must stand up.”

“You must stay down until you are strong enough. Do you understand this?”

“Yes, I understand perfectly. But I think it’s pony instincts. I am an earth pony, I am strong.”

“A butterfly could knock you over.”

“I know. I feel I must not appear vulnerable in case there are predators in the vicinity.”

Grey struggled to get to his feet. Luna surrounded him with her magic and kept him from falling over. “There is a gift basket of fruit from Canterlot for you on the counter over there. You haven’t eaten in days. Help yourself.”

Grey walked stiff legged to the basket. He tried to eat the fruit with manners mostly because Luna was watching him, but he ended up devouring half the basket. He turned his flank towards Luna to hide his ravenous appetite and bad manners while trying to figure out who in Canterlot would send him a gift basket.

“Princess, I apologise if I implied hiding from the disease was cowardly. You self- quarantined. I saw it in my dream. It was the only way you and Princess Celestia could have survived the first version of the disease? Your survival must have been the most important thing, right? There wouldn’t have been an Equestria without your secret hiding. I also saw drought and famine. All the other Alicorns died, didn’t they? I never knew that. Probably not public knowledge. I’m sorry we don’t say thank you enough during the Spring Sunrise Festival. It has become another excuse to party instead of thanking you for your sacrifice and creating Equestria. Discord’s disease was created to eliminate the Alicorns but has changed over the centuries now, it only affects us. Not that it means anything, but that’s fine by me.”

Luna watched Grey pick through the remnants of the fruit basket then wrote in her ever-growing notebook. Patient has appropriate appetite after fasting for 72 hours. Very weak, exhausted, drained mentally physically. Displaying melancholy sentiments and a certain inexplicable insight.

Luna closed the book and flipped it over and opened it again.

Crisis. Survival. Advancement. My subject has stated, with words to the effect, that only the victory matters. Has he advanced to this level already? This was not a challenge to develop growth, but subject has advanced unexpectedly. Overjoyed. Did he deduce that sister and I concealed ourselves from Discord, or assume? As stated earlier, I tried to follow his fever nightmare, as an observer only, but when we both saw that Alicorn skull, I had to turn back, but not him, for he did not know what was waiting for him. How could he see an image from my memory when I entered his fever dream? Must assess own fatigue before drawing conclusions. I am stimulated and rejuvenated by this game. The subject, my subject, my loyal subject? Urge to see past barricades I have placed in game is great. Must maintain fairness/objectivity. This surprise is wonderful. Sister is pleased with our work.

Also, if I could tear down the walls of this game, and etiquette, and life, I would give him such a hug!

Luna flipped the pages of the book until she was halfway through it. She tore it in half down the spine and used her magic to create two back covers for the two separate books. The second book she titled ‘Fox & Hound Game’ and sent it to her personal library.

Grey had finished off the fruit in the basket, “Sorry Princess, in my fever dreams did I say or do anything inappropriate?”

“I shall answer by saying that I know you a little more now and all is well.”

Grey noticed the stainless-steel pail gleaming in the corner. “Princess you shouldn’t have cleaned that yourself.”

“You still know nothing of Alicorns. I simply made every molecule of the contents of the vessel appear someplace else. Be careful where you step near your latrine.” Luna smiled at Grey. “I’m afraid we don’t have much time for you to recuperate. The disease has reached Ponyville. You are going to help there, and I am going to assist in Cloudsdale.

/]*[\

The residents of Ponyville had been told in advance to gather the ingredients for the medicine. The ponies were ordered to go to the town hall as soon as they felt any symptoms. There was a concern that ponies would feel shame with the Discharge of Discord and hide from medical assistance. Nopony laughed when it happened, and the infected individual was treated with respect and helped immediately. The Pegasus from the first town arrived to help. Her name was Sabina which means tender love and transference in the old language.

Grey had put a table and two chairs from the café in front of the town hall, now the Ponyville hospital. Sabina and Grey sat there on a much-needed break.

Sabina leaned back in her chair, “This is such a lovely town.”

“It’s so quiet with all the ponies sick. I never thought there was a town smaller than Ponyville until I saw your village. Has Luna’s medicine made any difference?” Grey asked.

“Oh yes, their temperature spike is less searing, and they don’t have such intense hallucinations. I hear you had quite the fever dream.”

“What! There is no way you could have known that.”

“I’m part of the medical community; it’s a community and a small community at that. We share as much information as we can. See my cutie mark, it's an old medical symbol I’m going to be a therapist that helps ponies by talking with them about their problems.” Ψ

“Talk therapy, good luck with that. If I told you how I was treated growing up here, you wouldn’t believe me anyway. So, what would be the point?”

Sabina sipped her cold tea, “What would be the point of not believing you? If I had the opportunity to listen to you. I would want to hear everything. Feelings you hoof stomp down your throat will come back up like Discord’s Discharge to haunt you. This passive-aggressive guard pony shtick will fade away and you will develop new coping skills for when times become difficult again. When you get to the root of your history, it will eliminate your need to self-medicate. And you will no longer need to avoid your past and your true self. And I’m sure the Princesses have mentioned that you will be a mentor to future generations of guard ponies. Did I miss anything?”

“I don’t self-medicate. As far as I know. They kicked me. While I slept. When I was a little colt. I will not forgive them for that.”

“We don’t say forgive in my new profession. It’s a release. You release them from your thoughts. I’m going to need some context. Ponyville is known as Equestria’s friendliest place.”

“Not for me. I was hated, ignored, and rejected; they never told me why.” Grey snorted with his forelegs crossed, “What did you mean; ‘I had quite the fever dream’?”

“The dreams are just chaos. Background static as our minds try to make order. What does your cutie mark mean?”

“It’s a broom. I was the street sweeper here until Luna saved me.”

“Saved you from this beautiful town?”

“It’s complicated.”

“You can talk to me, it’s what I do. Who knows, you may never see me again.”

Grey snorted again, “Why does everypony want to get in my head? I assure you, there’s nothing in it anyway.”

“Ponies are curious. You put up barriers and we want to see why.”

“I’m nothing. I’ll probably die in some unnamed battle. Sorry for being gloomy, I’m tired.”

“You’re exhausted. You stood guard last night for me while I slept, now you need sleep.”

“That’s funny; when I lived here my friends said all I did was sleep.”

“Why don’t you go home and sleep and I can keep an eye on things for a while? Why did you flinch when I said ‘home’?”

Grey deflected, “I hear something. I think we have our first riser.”

They went back inside the hall to see Big Macintosh struggled to stand. He said, “Ma clan.”

“Whoa there, big fella.” Sabina placed her foreleg across his chest and turned to Grey. “Oh, he’s a handsome fellow.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Grey turned to Big Mac and commanded, “Granny Smith says sit!”

Big Mac sat down hard on the cot and it sagged in the middle.

“Uh-oh, I think I’m being summoned.” Grey said looking around.

The view of the inside of the town hall was slowly replaced with bright white and bright sky blue. Grey was standing on the cloud tops of Cloudsdale. White open towers of clouds. There were rows of cloud beds with Pegasus on each of them. Grey was reminded of the clouds passing over the Everfree forest. Luna sat next to one cloud on a cloud. There was a green mound at the head of the bed where Rainbow Dash slept, mouth open, exhaling a snore with each breath.

Princess Luna had a red handkerchief tied around her forehead that seemed to control her mane, “Please explain this to me.”

“That’s Tank. From what I hear, he’s Rainbow Dash’s loyal pet.”

Tank looked at Grey then returned his gaze to Rainbow Dash.

“Rainbow Dash, the Wonder Bolt prodigy, has a tortoise as a pet? Tank refuses to eat. He is a very naughty tortoise.” Luna smiled at Tank. “I have threatened him with being the main ingredient in tortoise soup, but he remains defiant.”

Grey spoke to him. “Tank, Dashie will be very weak when she wakes up. She will need your strength. You need to eat to be strong. Please eat something, for Dashie.”

Tank picked up a piece of broccoli from the bowl next to the cloud bed and chewed it.

“Can you explain why he has a propeller on his shell with a battery of my sister’s magic in it?

“No, I can’t. I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about that kind of stuff.”

“Thank you Grey. That will be all.” Luna made eye contact with him and smiled.

Grey’s eyes went big even before whatever was under his hooves disappeared.

“Lunaaaaa!”

Everything went grey and wet like a thick fog. Then Grey emerged from the bottom of Cloudsdale. He took the time to enjoy the view. The bottom of Cloudsdale was not as bright white as the top and was moving away from him with increasing speed. The wind from below was increasing. Then he appeared in front of the Ponyville town hall.

Grey yelled at the sky. “You’ll notice I didn’t swear.” He sighed, “Wide awake now. Back to work.”

I’m sure you just did that to see my face when I fell. Kinda proud of the way I handled that. Gonna yell at some Ponyville ponies now.

The scene inside the town hall was lively. There was movement on almost every bed. And they were afraid in a way Grey had never seen before. The townsponies had their eyes wide open as they struggled to stand and tried to run. Sabina used her wings to propel her to ponies that were just about to fall off their bed. She said, “So glad you returned, disappearing guard pony. Reeealy need some help right about now.”

Grey ran from bed to bed pushing ponies back down. Sabina yelled advice, “Don’t be so rough. Say thank you instead of sorry.”

Grey realised that he was stronger than anypony in the hall. They were coming off a three day fast and he was fully recovered. Grey developed a technique of picking up a pony, folding their legs one at a time underneath them and setting said pony back on the bed. When that pony was awake enough to figure out how to untangle their leg and strong enough to do it, they were given one more glass of water before being allowed to leave the sick house.

Sabina was caught in a loop of arguments with Rarity. Rarity made countless demands along the line of being escorted back home. While Sabina agreed with everything, Rarity would pull back the covers and insist that stallion fashion models carry her on a silk palanquin.

Purple magic flashed in the corner. Grey groaned, “Wanna trade?”

Sabina answered, “No thank you. I’m a huge Rarity fan. Go handle it, big boy.”

Twilight Sparkle was tangled in her bed covers. Spike, her personal assistant slash baby dragon, cowered behind a nightstand. “Spike?” Grey asked.

“Her self-levitation spells aren’t working, and she’s afraid of something.”

Grey took a step forward. Twilight inhaled as her eyes opened full. Grey took another step and she screamed, like a siren, gaining intensity, volume, and pitch.

Grey took a step back. “Spike?”

“Dude, Twilight had some really bad dreams. I don’t think she took all of the medicine cus she’s stubborn that way. She’s got some issues that she won’t talk about. Twilight didn’t mean to burn me. She was trying to defend herself in her dream.”

Grey yelled, “Sabina. I need backup.” He didn’t get an answer. Grey stepped back until Twilight’s panic lessened.

What if Twilight Sparkle, the hero of Equestria, can see the real me and it’s terrifying?

Twilight remained still in her swathe of bedsheets. She kept her eyes locked on Grey. He couldn’t think of an answer to her issue, so Grey spoke words he thought she would like. “Friendship. Books. Library books. Thank you for this lesson in friendship.” Grey backed away. He watched Twilight Sparkle catatonic on her bed. Grey told Spike to make sure she drank water before she left.

Spike said, “Thank you, doctor.”

Grey rolled his eyes. This is not the day I expected.

By sunset there were only a few bedridden patients left. Applejack watched intently as Grey showed her his technique. “Lift them up. Fold their legs underneath, one, two, three and four. Set them down on their folded legs. When they’re awake enough, and strong enough, they figure it out.” The pony Grey was demonstrating with seemed fascinated by the loss of his legs. He stuck his muzzle under every part of his body trying to find them. He was just as captivated when he was surrounded with magical purple light and ascended once more. The pony’s legs dropped down and moved automatically, as if the pony was swimming in air.

“That is not how to treat somepony who is unwell.” Twilight Sparkle walked towards them. Her mane was a twisted frizzled mess of indigo with sprouts of pink and purple. She had a sheet wrapped around her tail and one leg. Spike trailed behind trying to unknot the sheet from Twilight. “You do not hog-tie the sick to expedite your laziness. The ill do not deserve to have their legs bound so you can sleep. And telling Spike that you are a doctor. Shame on you. You, you fraudster.”

Applejack told Grey that she would talk to Twilight. Grey walked past Sabina who was playing peek a boo with a sheet with some foals on a bed. “Sabina, I’m going on a pee break and I won’t be coming back. Once again I’ve had enough of this jerk water town.”

/]*[\

A month later the Bat ponies with Luna’s chariot arrived in front of the palace. Luna exited the palace and walked down the stairs as Grey held open the chariot door. He took his place at the back and held on for dear life.

Not so bad this time. I wonder if I’m getting used to it.

The usual landing in Ponyville. Grey held the door for Luna and followed beside and slightly behind her.

A guard pony looks for motion directed at his/her charge; Grey did not expect to be the subject of an attack. It startled him when Rose Hips put a wreath of flowers around his neck and hugged him.

Luna said. “Get used to it guard pony, this is why we are here.”

Luna and Grey walked through the crowd of ponies to the town stage. Luna met with Ponyville’s Mayor and the town dignitaries and planned their speeches and looked at Grey. Sabina and Zecora stood at the other end of the stage with similar wreaths on them. Luna walked over to Grey and said, “Are you ready?”

“I know what you’re doing, and it doesn’t feel right. I read your notes. We didn’t find a cure and some ponies still died. Your medicine only relieved the symptoms of the fever, that’s all.”

“You think this is for you? Look at them. This is for them. They are grateful for our hard work and want to express it. We gave them a valuable thing. Hope. And it’s part of your leadership training. Ready?”

“No.”

“Good.”

The Mayor of Ponyville started the speeches with a retelling of Grey’s volunteering. The visit to Sabina’s town. How that town, Sabina and Grey had suffered more than any other pony in Equestria. Then Luna hung a gold medal around Sabina’s neck. Sabina made a small speech thanking every pony. The same for Zecora. She answered with her poetry speak. Then Grey’s turn. Grey’s hooves slid across the wood floor as Applejack pushed him from behind. Grey bowed as Luna hung the medal around his neck. He looked at the crowd from behind the podium with nothing to say.

Luna whispered in his ear. “Tell a little joke.”

Grey looked out into the sea of smiling faces that were indifferent to him his whole life. But they were different. The smiles were genuine and warm. It was as if they didn’t recognise Grey, and that hurt too. He fell back onto a lifetime of wounded feelings. “I heard all your fever dreams. I have blackmail material on all of Ponyville.”

Silence, a pony coughed.

Luna spoke to the crowd. “I told him to tell a joke. What a terrible joke. You all had very mild and quiet fever dreams. If you want to hear something funny, ask me about my guard pony’s intense fever dreams and his Discharge of Discord.”

The crowd erupted in laughter. Grey’s face turned crimson.

/]*[\

At the end of the day Grey took a moment to admire his gold medal before putting it in his hiding place behind a loose board under the veranda of the palace. It had a maple leaf in the centre surrounded by the words. ‘First Place. Running of the Leaves.’

The manticore walked up behind Grey making enough noise as not to startle the pony. He looked over Grey’s shoulder, “Why do creatures need things?”

“That’s a good question. This was a gift, a kindness. It’s not even meant for me. If it was, a unicorn could have changed the words on it. I was given it to make them feel good, not me.” Grey sniffed. “That’s what guard ponies do. We live to serve. I think I’m starting to feel like a real guard pony. Ponyville wanted to thank me for an idea I had. Have you ever received a gift, Manticore?”

“My mate gave me a great kill the other day.”

Grey shuddered internally, “Oh, you have a mate, congratulations.”

“How will you find a mate out here away from your herd?”

“That’s not something that’s meant for me.”

* (Discordantly; Discord’s Story: by CosmicUnicorn on devantART)

Timber Wolves

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“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines
– we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company,
we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time
-- but essentially, and finally, alone.
This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”
― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967.

Grey heard them coming of course. Like branches creaking in the wind. Two coming around the North side of the palace and three from the South. Then they were in front of him as he stood on his rock.
Timber Wolves!
Their eyes glowed green from a source deep in their chest. Jaws of knot wood set with spikes of thorns. Legs of logs and sharp claws that dug into the ground like roots.

The one with the dull bark and scars spoke, “Look what we have here boys, lunch on the hoof.” He looked Grey in the eye. “We’ll give you a sporting chance. He he. Run!”

Grey stood his ground. Calmed himself and smiled.

The one made of thin red branches said, “Why doesn't he run? Come on we know you ponies like to run.”

The old leader replied, “Sometimes they get scared stiff and freeze up.” He spoke to Grey. “If you’re not going to run, what are you going to do?”

A voice came from the palace. “Yes pony. What ever shall you do?” Luna was leaning on the banister of the veranda, head on hoof.

“Night Princess! We didn't know he was yours.”

“But are not all ponies the property of the Princesses? I assure you boys, it’s alright. I want to see how this plays out. Go ahead and eat him. But first I want to make sure he has completed his chores for today. Did you run today pony?”

“Ma'am, yes Ma'am!” Grey shouted.

“Just ignore that boys. He’s been reading war stories. Pony did you do your dances today?”

Maple snickered, “We’re going to eat a dancing pony.”

“Ma'am, yes Ma'am!”

“Did you do your kicks today pony?”

“Ma'am, yes Ma'am!”

“He kicks?”

“I kicked the big oak tree one hundred times per leg in sets of twenty five! Four is my lucky number!” Grey shouted down the field.

“Of course it is dear because four represents death.” Luna explained.

“He kicks trees?”

“That is all. Go ahead and eat him boys. I do so enjoy the sound of crunching bones.”

The old leader could not smell fear. He had never been this close to a pony and not smell it. Even the dead ones smelled of it. He looked up at Luna.

“If he cannot protect me, what use is he to me?”

Willow asked, “He. Protects you?”

The old leader returned his gaze to Grey, “What’s the trick? Ponies are always playing games. What’s the game here?”

“No trick. No game. Everything is as you see it. You see that he is not magical. He is not a flyer. I will not interfere. You know that he kicks. You should also know that he does not like being touched so be careful.”

“How about if I just rip out his throat?” snarled White Oak.

“That would be the most effective tactic. Be warned, he will lash out and you will be left mortally wounded. But the pack will be fed. The pack must survive. That is the most important thing for a leader. I suggest that you call for a volunteer.”

Scrub, “Not it.”

Pine, “Not it.”

Willow, “Not it.”

Maple, “Crap.”

“You are still suspicious. Then know that I am all about the rules. I believe in a fair game and a fair fight. I do not want any deception. The five of you against my one guard pony is hardly fair. Do you understand this pony?”

“Ma'am, yes Ma'am!”

“What?”

“Pony you see that their joints are weak, especially their knees. Crush the crystal that is their heart. When they attack dispatch them quickly so they do not suffer.”

“Ma'am, yes Ma'am!”

“Stop that!”

“White Oak, I can’t afford an injury. I don’t want the pack to leave me behind. ‘A lone wolf dies alone’.” Said Pine.

“Don’t say that in front of them! Everybody shut it! I need to think.” White Oak snorted, "Pardon us Princess, we were on our way to the swamp." He turned his head to the ground snarled and walked away with his pack in tow.

When they were out of earshot of the ponies Willow asked, "But she told him about our joints."

"See it’s always a game or a trick with them." Answered White Oak.

"But what if it wasn't? What if everything she said was true?"

"That’s the trick!"

"I hate swamp meat. Tastes like mud."

"Shut it Maple!"

/]*[\

"Calm yourself now, exhale. Tell me how you feel." Luna was still leaning on the banister.

"Energized, adrenalized."

"Of course, but how do you feel being here?"

"I have never felt so alive. I am content. I am actually happy."

"Understand this. If you would have run, they would have chased you down and torn you apart. And I would have not flinched."

"I understand that there are consequences for failure."

“Perhaps that says something about what kind of pony I am.” An obvious game warning. “Do you fear anything?”

"I fear that the training is making me into the kind of pony that likes to walk down dark alleys spoiling for a fight."

"So what prevents you?"

"I have honour, discipline. And a distinct lack of dark alleys. I wanted to fight them. Um, thanks for showing up when you did."

"You are building self-esteem and self-respect." Luna looked down the field.

"Life's a funny thing. I arrive here for a little solitude. The wind changes. Your sent blows to a pack of hungry timber wolves just as they're passing by."

"Do you mind being alone?"

"No, I've been alone my whole life. It's nice here. I fit in here better than anyplace."

"It must have been difficult seeing all your friends at the party and not talking to any?"

"It was good. I wanted to brag and rub their noses in my new job. But my responsibility to the colonel prevented my ego from coming out and showing me as the jerk I am. I said I was sorry to Ponyville and it's done. I was never accepted. They looked at me like I had two heads. Except Rarity, I think because I'm now close to royalty. That part of my life is behind me now."

"But Are you lonely? Do you need anything?"

Grey looked over his shoulder at Luna, turned back then turned around to look up at her. “I thought you didn't like requests.”

"Not frivolous ones. I'm in an inquisitive mood. My moods change. I say that warning out loud. If you could have anything what would it be?"

"I'm good. I really am."

"Several of us heard your fever dream. Have you heard the stories that I can enter a pony’s nightmare? Do we live as we dream, alone? Care to change your answer?"

Grey swallowed hard, “You gave me life, literally. I am content.”

"All great things, all strong things, all precious things are alone. Leadership is lonely. Friendship is Equestria. What about friendship?"

"Again, I was always on the outside looking in. Don't miss what I never truly had."

"You have air, water and food. You have acquired health and well-being. Safety will be an ongoing challenge for you in this forest. You're brave. You’re strong. You used your words against them. Is that all you are? So you’re done? You've peeked? This is the hi-light of your life? You say you have no needs? Not by a long shot. Your ostracization prevented you from having meaningful relationships with friends and family. You lacked intimacy. My sentry must be the best."

"Princess, you have a real guard. The Royal Guard. The Equestrian Guard. The Wonderbolts. And I have no idea what night guard bat ponies are all about. I'm good here. Thank you."

"You're getting comfortable here in the middle of the Everfree forest. We can’t have that.

Do not pray for an easy life,
Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.
--Bruce Lee.

"I have plans for you. I know some teachers; they're getting on in years so you will have to be patient with them. They will invest a great deal of time and effort on you as shall I. And at any point, you can simply walk away."

"I wasn't expecting that."

Tea With Discord

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“Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster,
and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

Morning workout complete. First patrol of the day complete. Now to stand guard in front of the palace and enjoy a little sun. Not a cloud in the sky, this is going to be a nice day.

Then everything Grey could see started to shimmer. He knew what this meant. He was going to reappear someplace else. Usually inside the palace to answer some request of Princess Luna. This time it was different. This time the shimmering was turning darker, muddier than usual. Ugly stone walls appeared around him. On a platform up a few crumbling stairs sat Discord on his throne. More like Discord the Dragon Equine Frankenstein monster lying across his throne looking up examining his claws. His throne was a mess of junk and missing one leg. Obvious designed to mock all other thrones.

Discord spoke in a very bored voice. “You shall be my eyes and ears in the forest. You shall work for me. It will be laughs and giggles. I insist it will.”

Grey took his time formulating an answer and a strategy.
What a dump.
You haven't trained for this.

He looked around. Walls had collapsed and not been repaired. Or if they were fixed it wasn’t in the same architectural style. The stones in the floor were all broken as if the place had been hit by an earthquake. Furniture, what there was of it, was broken in some way or another. Everything was covered with a layer of filth. Grey could see outside through a destroyed window. The sky was low overcast and dark.

Probably very far from the palace.
Stop the internal dialogue! Go with yourself!

“I believe it’s traditional to offer a guest tea and make small talk before discussing job offers.” Grey emphasized ‘offers’.

“I have not offered anything.”

“I know, not even tea.”

“I could shower you with gold or drop it on you in one brick.”

“Please, if you had gold you could have bought some muffins from the Cakes’ Bakery in Ponyville. We could be having them with our tea. Now those muffins are to die for.”

Discord turned his eye toward Grey. Odd little pony.
His tail slithered down the dais. “Do you not know who I am?”

“Of course, it’s Discord something or other.”

This ground pony would not see another day.

Discord’s tail moved forward looping trying to grab Grey’s leg. Grey stepped back out of reach.

“Are you offering me a choice between cleaning this dump for the rest of eternity or standing in front of an empty building in the sun? Do you have any idea how lazy I am?”

Discord’s eyes narrowed at the pony. “Since you like tea so much how about I droop you in a cauldron of boiling water?”

“You could call it Earl Grey Tea. I’d be famous. What does earth pony tea taste like anyway?”

“Trust me, you wouldn't like it. You want fame? You would have fame at my side.”

“Please, how long do earth ponies live in comparison to immortals? How long before your tail got me? I have to sleep sometime, right.”
I'm chilled to the bone.
Empty your stupid head.

“You don’t fear death?” Discord queried.

“I’m already dead. Now let me tell you about fear. I have been so afraid that I have vomited on more than one occasion. That had nothing to do with death.

Discord’s tail was lengthening and trying an attack from the flank.

“I could kill you with a thought or a swat of my tail.”

“Haven’t you been listening Old Sod? I’m a fake guard pony that pukes and panics. I failed at street sweeping. I pissed myself the first time I met Luna. You’d be doing her and everypony a favour by disposing of me.”

“And your friends believe this?”

“I’m sure you’ve been spying on the palace and me since you know that I exist. Have you seen me with any ‘friends’? Any pony that would even remember me would think that I’m dead by now. And when are those muffins getting here?”

“I see now. Your brain is damaged. I can easily use a mind control spell on you.”

“Go ahead. You want me to spy on Luna for you. I get it. Luna will see right through that and squash me. Same difference.”
“Luna isn’t at the palace that often anyway. If I don’t return to the palace Luna will assume that I wandered off like I did with my last job. When she finds out I’ve been talking to you she’ll squeeze every bit of Intel out of me. Have I mentioned that I’m already dead?”

“I am a deity of the old realm." Discord growled. "You have shown me no respect.”

“Respect is earned not forced.”

“Then I shall torture you to death over a long period of time.”

“This wouldn’t involve you reciting rap poetry at me would it? That would make my head explode and then you would have more mess to clean up.”

Discord’s tail swatted the ground raising a cloud of dust. Grey blew the dust away.

“I will mount your head on one wall and your skin on the other so you can gaze upon your grey hide forever.”

“I would be honoured in helping improve the décor of your hovel. You have nothing that threatens me. All your strength, power, magic and trickery. What are you going to do? Turn me grey and into the opposite of my cutie mark? Oooooo.”

“You said you were going to kill me.” Grey yelled. “You promised!”

Discord was incensed. The old rage was rising in him. This un-magical ground thing was making Discord emotional. This pony is suicidal. Ponies are only suicidal after I’ve tortured them. If this pony wants to die he is going about it right. I will be more than happy to oblige. Or was that his plan. Discord mused. Some sort of reverse psychology that will save him?
Discord looked into Grey’s past. Depression therefore suicidal.
“Be gone. You are of no value.”

Grey appeared on the roof of the Everfree forest palace.
“Hi Palace. How you doin’? Would you like a back scratch?”
Grey used this opportunity to inspect the roof tiles and gutters.

Rational thought returned. Then so did the fear.

His legs started to shake. Grey had to lay down. He was trembling, convulsing. Grey hugged himself. When it passed he stroked a roof tile.
"I guess I can't use that bluff again. Is that all I am? An empty headed big mouth? At least I didn't throw up."
"A guard pony never lies. I lied palace, I lied. I want to live. Luna help me I want to live! I want to be a real guard pony."
Grey sniffed, "You're my only friend Palace, you weird thing. I'm going to have to tell Luna. How should I tell her? I had tea with an old acquaintance? I told the truth about how Luna could squash me in an instant. Best tread carefully."

Knight of the Princess

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“If by my life or death I can protect you, I will.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

It was late afternoon when the first carriage arrived at the Everfree forest palace. A carriage pulled by ponies carrying ponies.

Grey opened the door and the Flower family emerged dressed in their best attire carrying bouquets and baskets of flowers. The palace doors opened automatically for them. More carriages, more ponies. Some Pegasus flew in. A few earth ponies walked. A carriage containing the Heroes of Equestria arrived. They all talked at once. Everypony dressed in their formal wear. Fluttershy was hidden in the centre of the girls.

Grey thought to himself. A little notice would be nice, am I supposed to open all the doors? Should I be welcoming them in some way?

They all ignored Grey and walked right past him. One little filly ran to him and looked up intently.

“Scootaloo, get away from there!” Somepony yelled.

Alone again, naturally. Find a game to play. Count the spokes on the wheels. Done. Probably should have been an even number.

Grey stood with all the empty carriages in front of the palace when he heard a roar of laughter from deep inside the palace.
They’ll be telling that joke for a week. I’ll hear it eventually.

How? You'll never see Ponyville again.

Maybe I could get a Pegasi to drop off a newspaper every so often. I was just reading how important it is to be a well-informed leader.

A leader of one.

The doors of the palace burst open and Rainbow Dash flew through and down the field looped and came back to land in front of Grey. Pinkie Pie bounced down the stairs wearing her pink gala dress. Rarity walked out head held high in her purple cape and dress. The girls arranged themselves to face Grey.

Pinkie yelled excitedly, “Tell him; tell him Rarity, you know how to tell him! This is going to be goooooood.”

Rarity announced, “Dusty Miller, also known as the grey pony. You are hereby requested and required to report to Princess Luna’s throne room post haste.”

The three surrounded Grey and escorted him into the palace.

It's as if they’re cutting off all possible escape routes. Why?

At the entrance the three returned to their position of honour with the other heroes at the base of the dais.

A prank at my expense. Let them do it then I can go back to standing guard.

Show them how strong you have become.

Grey bowed walked to the center of the room and bowed again. Everypony from Ponyville was there on either side of him. They all watched Grey silently. Celestia and Luna stood on top of the dais in front of their thrones facing Grey.

“My sentry will now demonstrate his dance.” Luna proclaimed, “He will perform one of his forms and show us that his mind is as calm as a temple bell.”

Grey got the hint. He performed his pro forma bow. Standing tall, he roared, “JION!” The sound reverberated around the throne room.

He sank into a low stance, blocked high and low simultaneously. Broke an imaginary grip stepped left at forty five degrees kicked with his back leg stepping forward as he landed and voluble front kicked. He attacked to the angles then front and back. He stood tall on his back legs and pretended to fall forward to land in a low stance kicking his front legs to the sides. A small snort of a kiai. A double side kick to the back with a perfect squeak of hoof on stone. He turned to the front and bowed.

Control your breathing. Three mistakes, oh well. Was that a camera?

What say ye, Ponyville? Luna cried.

The audience on both sides of Grey erupted in cheers and applause.

Luna said. “Approach and kneel.”

Grey knelt formally on his knees at the base of the Dias.

“Dos thou vow to selfishly serve Equestria, Celestia and myself until your end?”

“I do.”

“You are not an island. Will you obligate yourself to protect all just and decent ponies?”

“I will.”

“Will you always have the courage to do what is right?”

“I will.”

“Then you have honour. Will you cultivate and nurture your honour?”

“I will.”

“For services you have performed and will perform selfishly for all of us, I hereby dub you Sir Grey, Captain of the Guard of the Everfree forest palace of the Night Princess.”

A broadsword silently unsheathed itself from Luna’s throne.

Oh my, that’s a big sword.

A very long double edged weapon hovered, touched Grey’s right shoulder and flank. Moved over his head then touched his left shoulder and flank.

“Rise as smoke rises. Rise a Knight of Equestria. Ordo Equestris.”

Everypony applauded for a long time.

“There is an old tradition that has not been use in a exceedingly long time. You, Sir Grey, will have the first dance with your favourite.” Luna grew in size. “Name your favourite and dance.” Her mane and tail whipped. “Name your favourite!”

The Six Heroes of Equestria looked to Celestia for direction. She remained motionless.

NAME YOUR FAVOURITE!”

“F-F-Fluttershy.”

Luna turned into her small colt size, landed on the dais with a click of her shoes and said. “Perfect.”

Grey turned and walked staggering in a semicircle to the right towards Fluttershy. (Not as a predator) and bowed.

Fluttershy looked at the floor. “I’m sorry but I think you were supposed to ask Princess Luna to dance.”

Applejack was pushing her from behind. Fluttershy’s hooves slipped on the stone floor as she tried to backpedal.

The band from Canterlot struck up and they danced.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You could have lost everything.”

“I don’t care about things.”

“You could have lost your life.”

“Then the last thing I would have ever said would have been your name.”

They dance quietly for a while. Other ponies joined them on the floor.

“I’m sorry, I have to join my friends.”

“Please Fluttershy, think of it this way. A moment ago I almost died for you. If you let me finish this dance with you I swear I will never bother you again.”

They danced quietly again. Suddenly Grey said, “Hang on.” Grey dipped Fluttershy as a pink flash flew over them.

“May I cut in?” Pinkie Pie said just before crashing into a group of digniponies. “I taught him that.” She snort laughed.

Celestia and Luna watched the festivities from the dais.

“Sister, I thought myself familiar with all traditions regarding knighthood but I fail to recall this ‘name your favourite’ one.”

“Oh that. That was just a challenge for my new guard pony. Is he not brave to stand up to me?”

“And if he said your name?”

“Then the two of us would be dancing. I know that you are very familiar with the ‘no win scenario’, this was a ‘no lose scenario’ and a chance to do a little matchmaking. He needs a girlfriend and he picked one of the loveliest there is.” Luna smiled to herself.

“Sister please, stallions are not that difficult to manipulate.”

“I trust I did not upset you?”

Sister, you did not see me interfere. Now let us devour cake.”

Wherever Grey moved he was congratulated. Every pony wanted to shake his hoof. Or slap him on the back.

The mayor was exceedingly proud. “The first resident of Ponyville to make it to The Guard. Soon Rainbow Dash will be the first to get into The Wonderbolt Academy.”

Three fillies in burgundy capes finally got their chance.

“We are the cutie mark crusaders. Our mission is to ‘work together to find out who we are, and what we're supposed to be’. We have a question for your Mister Sir Knight. We never heard of a cutie mark changing. How is it possible?”

“Sorry girls I never heard of it either.”

“Nu-hu we all saw it. Is it a Dusty Miller flower?” they were looking at his flank.

Grey slowly turned his head, looking at one side then the other.
His broom mark was replaced by a grouping of small flowers. A stack of five then seven then five over three leaves surrounded by a horse shoe laurel.

“That’s not right, that’s not right at all.”

“What does it mean?”

“It’s an old symbol from the east. It is the highest rank a civil servant can obtain without being royally born. Please Crusaders do me a favour and continue your research on this and report back to me. I have to talk to Luna.”

The Crusaders snapped to attention and wobbled a saluted.

It took Grey a while to get through the crowds of admiring ponies.

Grey bowed to Luna and said. “Princess Luna I don’t understand, you said that I would never be promoted.”

“Oh it’s all about you today is it not?” Luna smiled, “At least you remember my little speech. I am continuing to give you what you need to serve me. You have confidence and self-esteem. You need to belong and you require friendship. You have achieved something great. It is essential that you be respected and to respect others.”

“But I've done nothing heroic. I haven’t even passed the Guard Entrance Exam. It’s not like the stories.”

“Finish the quote, ‘It is not yours to question why...’”

“... ‘It is mine to do or die’”, Mumbled Grey.

“Every Guard is a knight. I cannot be seen with a guard pony that is not a knight. I’m having fun, are you not having fun and dancing with the pretty girls? As for that cutie mark, I was getting tired of looking at that broom on your buttock.”

“If there is any way I can reaffirm my loyalty to you I will do it instantly.”

“You just did, thank you Sir Grey.”

Luna thought to herself. This does not change the condition of the game. It brings it to the next level. I have your loyalty. Thus, I have great leverage.

/]*[\

The sky was starting to lighten. Grey pranced out his moss nest under the oak tree. He curled up and flopped the tip of his tail over his nose.

Everything cleaned, everything put away. Hopefully everypony thanked for coming. What a strange feeling. Being the centre of attention and not because I did something wrong. Everypony smiling at me. So comfortable, drifting, falling. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

“What does thou think thou art doing?!”

Grey jumped into the air, legs splayed tail straight out.

Land at attention. Too many legs. Where’s my tail?

“Pony, you are a constant amusement.” Luna smiled down at Grey.

Grey stood at attention, trying to focus his eyes and brain.

“I cannot have my new guard pony sleeping on the ground. I have prepared quarters for you.”

Grey had gathered his wits enough to say. “Thank you your highness, but I like it outside. I don’t think I like walls and small rooms and the only time I slept in a bed was when I was sick.”

“I am offering you a place to live in the palace. A place to belong. All Royal Guards have their own home. You do not want this?”

“I’m fine here, I can guard from here. Royal Guard Pegasi sleep outdoors on clouds in Cloudsdale.”

“Are you debating me? It is fine Grey, anything you wish today.”

“One more thing, do you know what a favour is?”

“Princess, I will do any favour for you in the blink of an eye.”

“You are a delight. How about confetti?”

“I dislike confetti.”

“How about a bomboniere?”

“I have never heard that word before.”

“It is like a thank you gift or a remembrance. Some pony dropped this on her way out. You were meant to see this but you were so busy being socially unbalanced that you missed it.”

Luna used her magic to pull a large yellow feather from under her wing. Grey’s eyes widened.

“This is for you. I can see that you will treasure it. Would you like one of my own?”

“I don’t know.” Grey gazed at the feather hovering in front of his face. His mind swirled.

“Princess, did you just call me ‘Grey’ and say that I’m home? Anything for you Princess, anything.”

Her Butler, Kissed

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“Teasing's part of the fun that comes before kissing”

― Lois Lowry, Messenger

Pinkie Pie bounced down the field towards the Everfree forest palace until she was nose to nose with Grey. She had her pink Sugarcube Corner uniform on, a pink pill box hat and a large pink box with a string held in her mouth. Pinkie passed the box to him. Grey mumbled a ‘thank you’ and walked into the palace. He returned ten minutes later to find Pinkie still standing in front of the palace.

“I’m sorry Pinkie; I don’t know how to tip. Maybe you could just add it to the bill?”

“I don’t care about that. What’s the stuff for? Is there a party here todaaayyy?”

“Luna is having some very important guests over.”

Pinkie squeaked, “Is that why you’re all dressed up? I’m all dressed up. Hey, Grey, Let’s play dress up today.”

“I can’t at the moment.”

Rainbow Dash swooped down into the field. She flared her wings and landed in front of Grey blowing wind in his face.
“Hey Grey, where are those Bat Ponies at? I wan’a take them on.” She shadow boxed the air with her forehooves.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about them.”

“How about the Manticore? I wan’a race him.”

“The Manticore is not really built for racing and I don’t know how to approach him. Everytime we’ve met, it’s him who comes to me.”

Rarity appeared in a flash of white magic wearing her explorer’s outfit including a pith helmet with a purple peacock feather.
“Sir Grey, dear, I really must see the palace’s tapestries today. I never noticed them on my last visit and I absolutely must study them. Whatsoever are you wearing? It looks as though it’s the first time you have ever worn clothes. Allow me to tie that tie for you.”

Grey’s long black tie became animated in Rarity’s magic and danced around itself. It then tucked itself into Grey’s black vest. Rarity’s white magic adjusted his shirt collar and the black coat tails evenly on either side of his tail.

“I’m sorry Rarity, today is not a good day for looking at tapestries. Thanks for fixing my tie. Perhaps you could make an appointment?”

Applejack ran up to Grey almost out of breath, “Grey, I ain’t got much time. Quick, show me this apple tree that y’all have and I’ll tell ya what kind it is.”

“I’m sorry you came all this way Applejack, but today is not a good day. I hope you understand.”

There was a purple flash to Grey’s right and Twilight Sparkle appeared with Spike the baby dragon on her back.
“Spike, today we are going to study ancient soil fertilization techniques from Princess Luna’s library.”

“Words can’t express my excitement,” Groaned Spike.

“Oh no. No no no. Not you. Not today.”

Grey moved to intercept Twilight when he saw Fluttershy kneeling by the flower bed on the other side of the stairs.
Fluttershy was talking to Angel Bunny who was biting the heads off the flowers.
“How do they taste Angel? Will these strange flowers upset your tummy?”

When Grey walked over, Fluttershy tilted her head so her mane covered her face. Angel stood between Grey and Futtershy arms crossed.

“I am so sorry Fluttershy; I planted those flowers for today. Luna is having some very important guests over.”
Fluttershy remained quiet and still. The rest talked to Grey all at once.

“Pastries, play and partay!”

“Manticore.”

“Tapestries.”

“Magic apple trees.”

“Luna’s library!”

Not today, not today! NOT TODAY! Princess Luna is expecting some very important guests…” Grey’s head dropped. “It’s you, isn't it? Luna said to expect ten, there are eight of you.”

Twilight smirked, “Have you ever seen Spike and Angel eat?”

“I’ll have to reset the table. Was Luna in on this prank?”

The girls spoke in unison, “We’ll never tell.”

Grey straightened himself, shook his mane and inhaled deeply, “Welcome to the Everfree Forest Palace of Princess Luna, co-ruler of the realm of Equestria. You will find that all doors will open automatically for you.”

As soon as Grey spoke he knew that he would be wrong. He ran up the steps to the double doors threw them open and bowed as the gang walked in.

“Please enter and be welcome.”

The girls oohed and awed.

Rarity pointed at the drapery, “You see there Sir Grey, that is a tapestry.”

Oh, the rug on the wall.

Grey led them to the staircase and they climbed the stairs together.

“So tell us Grey, how many times have you been lost in your palace?” Twilight asked.

“I can honestly say that I have never been lost in the palace. And I can prove it here and now. It is physically impossible to get lost. You can’t go in the wrong door because that door will not exist. You can’t go down the wrong hallway because that hallway will not exist. You can’t get off on the wrong floor because that floor will not exist. As for proof, while I have been talking we stopped climbing stairs, yet we are still moving up the stairs. Remember Twilight, I asked you about palaces and moving floors and you said, floors don’t move.”

The group had stopped but the stairs were moving up like a conveyer belt. Fluttershy squeaked and leaped into the air. Rainbow Dash joined her ever at her side.

/]*[\

The moon room composed of the top north-west part of the palace. Half the roof was crystal glass that curved down to the wall where it was met by long windows. Grey was removing two place settings from the table when Princess Luna made her entrance. She was resplendent in a cotton cream dress covered in red roses. Her tiny lace hat had a fresh rose on it. To Grey, it seemed odd that the hat stayed in place even as her mane flowed.

Everyone bowed formally to Luna. She bowed back and let Grey hold her chair for her.

Grey served tea and the Sugarcube Corner pastries. Twilight corrected every mistake he made. “Serve to the right, remove from the left.”

The babbling voices blended together and Grey had no idea what they were talking about.

Rainbow Dash was about to push an entire éclair into her mouth when Luna asked, “Ms Dash, are you ready?”

“Fer what?” She froze. “I mean, I’m always ready. What’s happening?”

Casually Luna replied, “There is a crack in one of the crystal window panes above us. When the sun light touches it, in precisely three seconds, you shall see.”

Rainbow Dash looked up and saw a bright blue dot that expanded into a rainbow. A brilliant red over a light brilliant vermillion over a light gold to moderate sap green. Brilliant cornflower blur to moderate violet. Everything in her line of vision was painted with that rainbow.

“That’s. So. Awesome! I’m going to hang a shard of glass in my window from now on.”

“That, girls, is why we’re having tea here instead of the drawing room or the parlour. I hope you enjoyed that, Ms Dash.”

“Sure did. That was amazing. And great grub… I mean, I like the sweets. The tea is good for washing them down. I’m not a tea pony, like your butler.”

Twilight thought of another tease for Grey, “Princess Luna, if I may, what exactly is your guard pony’s rank in comparison to the rest of the Royal Guard?”

“Twilight, please don’t torment my guard pony. He works very hard.”

Internal squee.

“Now tell us Grey, where did you find that old fashioned butler uniform?”

“A closet door opened when I walked by. I thought you wanted me to wear it.”

“You should know the palace’s sense of humour by now.” She paused and tittered.

“Ladies, this brings us to our last bit of business. Do you believe my guard pony deserves a reward for his hard work?

“Abso-durka-lutely.”

“Sure.”

“Most assuredly.”

“Yup.”

“Um.”

“I don’t think so.”

Thanks Twilight.

“Then it is decided. Guard pony please escort Ms Fluttershy on a walk through the garden and the path you are making into the forest. See if you can find the nest of the phoenix.”

Fluttershy said. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a bother.”

Fluttershy floated in Luna’s dark purple magic up and away from the table and was placed next to Grey. She hid her face behind her mane. Grey stood at attention, blushing.

“No bother at all. Be gone, both of you.”

The table was quiet for a few minutes. Then Rarity remarked. “Princess Luna, this is such a lovely palace and so well designed. Do any of the windows up here perhaps look over the garden?”

“Why yes, the one directly behind you.”

Stampede to the window!

“No pushing.”

“Let me see.”

Spike and Angel were sent rolling around the table top.

“Now girls, this is my palace and I can do anything I wish.”

The windows doubled, and then doubled again. The windows bowed out and the floor stretched out so all could see the garden.

Twilight Sparkle said. “Princess I don’t suppose you could make it so we could hear them?”

“Perhaps I may, but that would be eavesdropping. Besides, they are not saying anything anyway.”

Spike and Angel were throwing berries into each other’s mouths. Spike remarked, “If that’s eavesdropping, what do you call what the girls are doing right now?”

“Snooping.”

/]*[\

Grey was saying his goodbyes to the guests in front of the palace. Spike and Angel were asleep in Twilight’s saddle bags. The girls beamed large smiles at Grey. Except Fluttershy, who stood staring at the ground pawing the grass with her hoof.

Oh no, what social blunder have I made now.

She said in her very shy voice, “I’m sorry Grey, but I thought you might want to kiss me goodbye?”

Grey gasped, “More than anything.”

Grey thought that the girls would make ‘woo’ and kissing noises, but it didn’t happen. As their lips met, a sphere of light appeared, covering their faces. It grew; it flashed all the colours of the rainbow and all the colours of a metallic rainbow. When their lips separated the sphere exploded like a soap bubble. Grey was knocked back a full body length.

Fluttershy didn’t notice. She said, “Come on girls, time to go home.”

The group walked quietly through the forest until Twilight couldn’t take it anymore. “Will somepony please explain what just happened? I pushed that pony with all my might and magic and I could barely move him. Fluttershy gives him a kiss and knocks him back a pony length. I’ve seen lovers kiss. I’ve seen newlyweds kiss. I’ve seen mothers kiss their new-born babies. I have never seen that. I require an explanation.”

Pinkie piped, “I can explain. Twi is purvy for watching ponies kiss.”

Fluttershy dropped deeper into shyness mode. “I’m so sorry if I did something inappropriate. I’m trying to be brave. I really am. And that was the bravest way I could think of to say goodbye.”

Rarity comforted her, “Fluttershy dear, you did nothing improper. You kissed him in front of your best friends with your eyes closed. He kissed you with his eyes open.” Rarity explained their point of view.

“Yes.” Fluttershy sniffed, “That is exactly what it felt like.”

Applejack said, “Don’t worry sugar cube, we’ll keep Twi away from your boyfriend.”

Twilight bellowed, “What!”

“Well it’s pretty obvious. The way you played the teasing game with him all day.” Rainbow Dash said.

“What!”

Rarity remarked. “Green is not your colour, dear.”

“If you think I am at all interested in that rude, stubborn, clumsy, unsocial, uneducated, and ignorant… Wait, is this the teasing game?”

Fluttershy said, “Um, do you guys think my boyfriend is cute?”

“No!”

“Silly.”

“Uh-uh.”

“Nope.”

“Not quite dear.”

Rainbow Dash chuckled, “The look on his face after you kissed. Priceless.”

Twilight snorted, “I hate mysteries.”

/]*[\

Grey was still frozen stupified when Luna approached him.

“Ahem, dishes, lover boy.”

“I love dishes.” Grey floated back inside the palace.

Goodbye Angel

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“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.
The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning.
I keep on swallowing."
― C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Princess Luna’s Everfree forest garden didn’t require weeding in the normal sense. Everfree plants are aggressive. It’s a matter of how to get them to live together. Grey enjoyed tending the garden. It was relaxing and rewarding.

He was never entirely sure if Luna appeared behind him to speak or if it was her voice in his head.

“You are obliged to go to Ponyville. Take all the time off you need.”

Time off? A vacation? Wonderful.

Checking to see if Luna was behind him, Grey ran off towards Ponyville.

At the edge of town he stopped, shook his mane and walked in. The place had a day-after-festival mood. Very quiet. A few merchants in the market square. Only a few ponies on the streets. Those ponies turned away from Grey.

Grey thought, great I’m back to being invisible. I’m not the snooty one here.

He walked around a corner and ran into the mayor. She mumbled, “Sir Grey sorry, I didn't know, I mean excuse me.” She ran off.

Grey walked up towards Lily, her eyes widened as he approached. She screamed and ran.

What had I done? What do they think of me this time?

Now Ponyville was deserted. A blind snapped shut.

Something bad has happened. The heroes, the girls! A bad mission? Luna knew!

Grey saw a black ribbon on the bunny pasture hedge.

Oh no! Oh no, no no no!

Grey ran over and screamed, “Fluttershy!”

He ran all over town. The bird choir tree. All houses were closed. The last of the merchants were taking their carts away. None would acknowledge his presence or look at him as he yelled, “What happened?”

Grey ran down the road to Fluttershy’s cottage. Twilight Sparkle was standing in the middle of the way, blocking him.
“What happened? Where is she!?”

Grey couldn’t hear her. His ears were ringing and there was a screaming sound echoing inside his head. Twilight looked at the forest then the road then the houses as she talked.

“Why won’t you look at me?

Twilight continued to talk avoiding his eyes. She said something about Circle of Life.

Grey’s mind imploded.

He saw Applejack standing on the road to Sweet Apple Acres.

He staggered over and looked at her. Applejack made brief eye contact then towards a small narrow path leading into the forest. She looked back at Grey, then down.
He walked slowly down the path to a slight clearing. He saw her.

She’s standing. Good. She’s breathing. Good. But her eyes, so blurry red.

Grey said her name softly so not to startle her.
“Fluttershy, I’m here. Please talk to me. Nopony will talk to me, please.

“It’s Angel Bunny, he’s gone. He’s walked into the forest.”

“Is that where eveypony is, out looking? We have the best trackers and flyers and I can help if he’s gone anywhere near the Everfree forest I will find him.”

“I’m sorry, you don’t understand Grey. Sometimes when our loved ones love us so much they don’t want to burden us with their last moments. Sometimes they just slip away to die.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should have been here. I should have been here for you.”

Grey started to cry.

Fluttershy said, “Ponies think Angel was spoiled. He was a little. This was his way of showing us that he wasn’t selfish. Do you understand?”

“No. I don’t understand anything.” Grey sobbed, “I don’t understand why I’m crying. I’m supposed to be here for you. I’m supposed to be strong for you. I’m supposed to be the strong one.”
Be strong earth pony it’s all you have. We’re not smart we can’t fly. Be strong be strong. “Stupid earth pony.”

“I’m sorry, you’re not. All races have the same brain capacity and ability to learn.”

“What? Why can’t I stop crying? I’m weak, useless.”

“No, you are not. It makes you strong actually.”

“I don't understand, I let go of my fears and ego. This feels the same.”

“You've never mourned have you?”

Sob, “What?” Shudder

“You never mourned for your past life have you? You never let go.”

Grey looked at her and realized. You’ve had so many pets haven't you. Some only live a short time. Some butterflies only live a year. You know how to morn. Oh, princesses above, how many have you mourned?

“You’re very beautiful.” He stammered.

“I'm sorry, I’m sure my eyes are red and I hear that every day.”

I meant more than looks.
“And you’re very smart knowing about every animal.”

Fluttershy looked towards town, “Relationships are work.They take work.”

Will we work?
Think, “The manticore has a girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Fluttershy brightened, “what's she like?.”

“A slightly smaller version of him. Very alert, more aggressive looking than him. Doesn't talk, at least not to me.”

“Oh, they talk. When I met him he just liked to roar and kiss.”

“What?”

“Oh, who's a jealous boyfriend now?”

“Boyfriend? Really?”

An awkward silence hung between them.

“Are you feeling better?” Grey asked.

“Yes, thank you. And you?”

“Yes. But I also feel bad for feeling good. Is that normal?”

“Yes. Would you care to join me in Ponyville? They’re putting together something to help me, um, us.”

Fluttershy gave Grey a small hip bump as they walked to town.

Grey pumped the well arm to the water trough. Flutershy drank and said, “It's more romantic if you drink with me.”

“Guard pony instinct m’ lady, must guard Princess Fluttershy.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t like being called that. I’m not really. Now your turn.”

Grey drank but darted his eyes back and forth. His ears twitching.

“Oh, you’re like a wild animal. That’s kind of interesting.”

“I’m sorry if I’m intimidating. It’s my training.”

“Let’s just say that I know my animals.”

“Quills & Sofas, that's a new store. What do they sell there? Right next to Rose’s flowers shop. That's where I bought you flowers once.”

“Oh, I'm sorry; did you say you owe me some flowers?”

The bell rang as Grey held the door for Flutershy.

Grey showed her a bouquet similar to the one he ate. Fluttershy took it from him and put it on the counter. When the cash register cha changed, Grey’s face turned red.

“I’m sorry Rose”, Fluttershy said, “Please put it on my tab. Thank you.”

“I never needed money before but now I feel inadequate as a boyfriend.”

“You don't need money. I pet sit for every pony. I know you have other talents.”

They walked to the town hall. There was a long table covered in sheets of paper and drawing supplies in front of the town hall. It was crowded with children making pictures of Angel.

“Where did all this come from?”

“Once the loud crazy pony went away, Fluttershy’s friends did this.” Pinkie said.

Applejack added, “we’re sorry Grey, we kinda fergot about yah. This memorial is for Angel.”

Grey sat at the table and watched the children draw pictures of Angel and give them to Fluttershy. This brightened her spirit which brightened Grey’s. “Fluttershy can I have this charcoal one? It reminds me of the way Angel looked at me at the palace. And can you keep it for me? I don’t have a safe place for it.”

Fluttershy accepted every picture from the foals. She smiled to her friends, “Girls, it’s time.”

Twilight Sparkle said, “I’m going to enjoy this. Guard Pony, attennnnntion!

Grey jumped out of his chair and stood ridged.

“Guard Pony, about face!”

Grey snapped around. He looked to see if Twilight’s horn was glowing. It was not.

“Guard Pony, quick march! One two, one two.”

Pinkie sang as they marched along, “Greys getting a haiiiir cut, Greys getting a haiiiir cut!”

“But I don't want a haircut.”

“Pinkie don’t tease. Although that’s a great tease.”

“Ain't no talkin' in the ranks y'all.”

Fluttershy remained behind to look at the pictures and talk to the children. The girls marched Grey to a park with large shade trees.

“Guard Pony halt. Stay. Sit. Lie down. sleep. Grey we’re going to stand guard over you and you’re going to take a little nap.”

“It’s not necessary.” You girls are pointing your flanks at me.

“I’ll just close my eyes for a minute.” Shouldn’t look. The Heroes of Equestria are moon… “Zzzzzzz.”

/]*[\

Grey woke with the sun on his side.

The sun is warm. The sun is, breathing?

Fluttershy and Grey startle each other.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No, no, that was the perfect nap. How did you know I needed to have a sleep and feel safe?”

“I know my animals. Would you mind having dinner with, you know, the girls and me?”

“I would be honoured.”

They walked up to the Ponyville café as Pinkie Pie was finishing a joke.

“…Then the waiter said, I'm not French, I'm just pissy.”

Rarity cut her off. “Pinky, hush now.”

Grey pulled out a chair for Fluttershy and took the seat next to her. A snooty unicorn waiter looked down at him holding a note pad and pencil in his magic.

“I'll have a plate of grass and a glass of water. Um, please and thank you.”

Rarity intercepted, “Sir Grey shall have the same as myself. Crisp hay with orchids on saffron rice.”

Grey always thought that the café was a part of a chain of restaurants from Canterlot. Very élite and expensive. With waiters from far away, but one was his friend Kip Cat who worked there as a buspony. Grey didn't know how to say hi to his old friend. He felt bad for ignoring him.

Spike helped with the plates as the girls talked. To Grey, it was six conversations erupting at once.

Spike sat down across from Rarity; set his head on his folded claws and stared at Rarity.

Spike likes Rarity!?

Rarity tried to pull Grey into the conversation. “Grey, dear, did you ever have any pets?”

“No. I like things that fly like birds. And, well, the birds liked me because I never swept up the seeds and bread crumbs somepony left for them, even though she wasn't supposed to.” Grey smiled at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy directed the conversation away from herself. “The Manticore has a girlfriend.”

“What's she like?” chimed the girls.

“A smaller version of him. She looks at me like I'm a talking snack.”

“I like her already,” Twilight Sparkle laughed. Feeling a need to put Grey in his place, she added, “Pinky, tell us about the rumors of this Sir Grey.”

“Uh, uh. Grey was battling a dragon and was gulped down, Grey fought him from inside and the dragon regurgitated him and he was covered in magic goo which is why he can survive in the Everfree forest.”

“I like the version where he came out the other end. And Pinky the other story?”

“Oh, oh, Grey is Princess Luna's kept stallion.”

Greys jaw unhinged. Fluttershy’s mane dropped in front of her face.

“Stop it girls, this instant!” Rarity cried, “Fluttershy has suffered a very personal tragedy and Grey is here to comfort her and he is our guest. This is not acceptable behaviour!”

Suck it up and be brave. “It's ok, Rarity, I've already defeated two of The Six.”

Pinkie fell off her chair laughing.

Twilight huffed, “You did not defeat me. Your princess intervened as I realized the error in my ways and came to my senses. And nopony can defeat Pinkie Pie.”

Pinkie crawled up to the table, “It's true! He won his first challenge. His first challenge was sparing with me! And he figured it out. But I won the day and Luna gave me the prize I wanted.”

“Shush Pinkie, don't tell them,” Grey paused, “Except Fluttershy if she asks.”

Rainbow Dash said, “Good luck defeating a Wonderbolt.”

“Everfree forest creatures have a name for you, dragon kicker.”

“That's. So. Awesome!”

“It doesn't translate the same way; it's more like dragon didn't deserve kick.”

“Yeah, but no guard pony could defeat a Wonderbolt.”

“I suppose I could ask Luna to teach me how. Tomorrow. Before breakfast.”

Grey grinned until the girls chuckled politely.

"That's the Grey I remember," Applejack said, tipping her hat back. "We all went to school together. He'd go weeks without sayin' a word then he'd drop one of his dry jokes on us."

Pull it back. Don't be over confident in front of them. More humble.

“I will tell you a story thus singing for my supper, as it were.
“You probably want to know what I do all day. It's a mixture of training and standing guard. You wouldn't find my daily activities interesting so I'll tell you of the time Princess Luna danced for me.”

The table was silent. All eyes were on Grey.

“There was no road to the palace until the night before the ball. The very eve of the event, Luna walked out of the palace wearing a type of armor and dress I had never seen before. She flew into the air holding a silver pole with her magic with a double edged curved blade on one end. And she danced. I was in awe. I thought it was a form she was practicing in the perfect moonlight, and then when she turned the blade to the ground I realized she was cutting the sod from a distance. She used her magic to roll up the sod into spools and droped them in the forest. Then she removed a layer of dirt in a ball. She disappeared then came back with a very big ball of black gravel that she laid on the road she made. The rock was super cold. I could feel it from where I stood. I think it’s probably from outer space.

When Luna returned to the palace, I thought she might say something snarky like 'now every pony knows where my palace is because of you', but she didn't.”

Grey looked around the circle of girls. None of them had ever witnessed what he had seen. They didn’t know how to respond. Pinkie squeaked, “Good story.” And the girls clopped politely.

Grey walked Fluttershy home. She introduced Grey to the animals and let him help her feed the menagerie then she sent him on his way at sunset.

/]*[\

Back in Ponyville at night, Grey was fixing a rather large pothole on a cobblestone road. A single candlelight flickered in a window. He knew he was being watched.

Very late that evening when he was done, she walked over.

“We didn't get off on the right hoof. I would like to make amends. If you don't have a place to stay tonight, you can sleep in the library.”

Grey remained silent. Twilight turned and walked to the library. Grey followed.

“It might look different now but the library is Spike’s and my home. You may sleep on the sofa or in front of the fireplace.”

Twilight returned with a blanket. “My behavior towards you has been less than stellar. Actually it has been unacceptable. I would like to apologies.”

The library was dark save for the single candle still burning in the window. Grey was asleep on the rug in front of the fireplace.

“Well that shows a certain amount of trust if you can fall asleep so easily near me.” She murmured.

/]*[\

The rooster’s first crow of the morning sounded.

Twilight stretched and said, “Good morning Spike, up and at ‘em. We have a guest this morning.”

“I'm sure our guest would appreciate an extra five minutes of sleep,” Spike moaned from his basket at the end of the bed.

“No, no, mister lazy scales. Up right now.”

“Spike moaned.”

Twilight brushed her mane and walked downstairs. The blanket was neatly folded on the sofa and the fireplace was swept and clean. Grey was long gone.

“How did he do that?”

The Test That Taught the Lesson

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“All men make mistakes,
but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong,
and repairs the evil.
The only crime is pride.”
― Sophocles, Antigone.

Princess Luna and Sir Grey appeared on a street in Canterlot. Grey walked a little behind her and to her left. Luna was not in a pleasant mood. She seemed distant and cold even for the Princess of The Night. They entered the central walk to the Royal Palace. It was the centrepiece of Canterlot. The street had two rows of mature cherry trees in full blossom. The trees were ancient. Large pink canopies shaded a long strip of perfectly tended grass. A slight breeze expanded the treetops and then snowed pink flakes down. Under the foliage, Canterlot ponies picnicked and played games.

Luna walked slowly down the center of the lawn and didn’t seem to notice anything around her. Ponies moved out of her way and bowed.

Luna spoke without looking at Grey, “I have observed that you have become blasé in your reading assignments. I suspect that you are preoccupied with thoughts of a pretty pony. So I feel a challenge is in order to get your mind back on track. Do you see that cherry blossom petal floating down? You will tell me how your life is like that petal.”

Grey was quick to answer, “It’s already dead?”

“No.”

“Its job is complete?”

“No.”

“Like me, it has no meaning, no purpose?”

“Oh, so very wrong. I ought to scold you for that and fail you on the spot for that answer alone.”

“Life is a dance and a battle.”

“You’re putting no effort into your answers. My patients have a limit.”

With each wrong answer Luna grew more irritated. Her responses became louder.

“Do you wish me to abandon my composure in front of all these, witnesses?”

Picnicking ponies watched them. Grey hated the attention. The stress made his mind go completely blank.

Luna said in frustration, “You have failed this challenge. Make you own way back to the palace.”

She flew through the tree canopy creating a mini pink blizzard. Princess Luna was quickly flanked by Royal Guard Pegasi who escorted her to the Royal Castle of Canterlot.

Ponies watched her go in a squall of pink then rotated their heads to stare at Grey. He was furious with himself. Grey turned away and ran in the direction of the Everfree Forest. He came to a dead end road. A Royal Guard in full gold armor and brush helmet flew down.

“Are you lost citizen?”

Grey snorted, “I want to get over there.”

“I admit this street needs more signage. Just go back one block, turn left and head west.”

Grey nodded a thank you and ran off. Out of Canterlot down the old road to Ponyville, Grey sprinted at full speed.

As Grey galloped, he muttered to himself, “What do I know about cherry blossoms? How is this pony like a pretty pink petal? I’m the opposite, maybe that was the answer? Ba! Too late now. And that arrogant Royal Guard! Doesn’t he know who I am?”

Grey skidded to a halt on the dirt road. He walked up to a large tree and head butted it.

“No, I will not be that kind of pony.”

He banged his head on the tree again.

“That Royal Guard did nothing wrong.”

Bang.

“He was a little full of himself but in his defense, he is a knight of the Royal Guard.”

Bang.

“He was not full of himself. I am prejudice. I am at fault, again.”

Bang.

“Maybe he does know who I am. Maybe he saw Luna and me. Maybe he saw me fail.” Bang.

"I don’t need Discord to turn me in to my opposite.”

Bang.

“I will not be that kind of pony!”

In his frustration, Grey lost his way to the Everfree Forest and ran all the way to Pineville. He then back tracked to the palace. Grey spent the rest of the day in the library.

The warrior’s life was as that of the cherry blossom's, beautiful and brief.
For him, as for the flower, death followed naturally, gloriously.

This is the closed thing I’ve found and it still doesn’t make sense. My life is not beautiful. How can a brief life be natural? It contradicts itself. Maybe it’s like one of those riddles that can’t be answered? Maybe I was supposed to get it wrong so I research. No, Luna was really mad that I didn’t get it. I'm over analyzing again. I don’t mind losing. I'm used to it. Disappointing Luna hurt. She was angry today because she knew I was going to lose this challenge.

Perhaps she's mad because you’re going to die soon?

Shut up bad voice in my head. If I die, you die.

Kids at school laughed when they said that their parents were disappointed with their report cards. My report card sucked too. Daydreaming has got me in trouble again. I would have loved to have somepony to show my report card to. Those kids didn't know crap.

Disappointing Luna that really hurt!

I failed a challenge. I can’t find a way to turn this into a positive. I have neglected my studies. I must do better. I don’t want to feel this again.

The Interview

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“It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy,
there is always the horrible possibility that something terribly funny will happen.”
― Philip K. Dick

Grey walked out of the forest on the road to Ponyvillle. Pinkie Pie sprang up next to him.

“Hey hey, Grey Grey, great day wouldn't you say say?”

She bounced beside Grey as Rainbow Dash swooped in and landed on the other side of him.

“G'day Grey, what’s up today?”

“Fluttershy dropped me a note, literally. I'm meeting her for lunch.”

“Oh that's right she told us all about that. She’s our brave girl, flying over the Everfree Forest to drop you a note.” Pinkie and Dashie winked at each other.
“Is this your first date together, unchaperoned?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Grey felt the hairs at the base of his mane start to rise.

They walked to the outdoor café.
Twilight Sparkle sat behind a long rectangle table. The girls joined her on that side.
“Sorry Grey, Fluttershy had an animal emergence and will be a touch late. Perhaps we can use this time to have some tea and get to know each other.”

A waiter brought a pot of tea and three tea cups. He gave Grey a short glass of water.
Pinkie got up and tied a long red balloon around his right foreleg and a blue one around his chest. She plugged small hoses from the balloons into gauges in front of Twilight. There was a very large thermometer on the table.

Twilight Sparkle: “I think we can dispense with that. We want him speaking clearly.”

Pinkie Pie: “That’s okay; it's not an oral thermometer anyway.”

Rainbow Dash: “Well then, if we don't like his answers, we’ll use it on him.”

Such nice girls. Grey thought to himself.

TS: “I'll begin.” She passed papers to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. “What is your highest level of education?”

“I graduated from Ponyville School. Princes Luna thought enough of me to knight me.”

RD: “Have you ever been arrested, detained or questioned by a guard pony?”

“No. The only guard ponies I've ever seen are Princess Celestia’s when she visits.”

PP: “My turn. On a scale from one million to several kazillion, how perverted would you say you are?”

“I don't think I'm perverted at all. I can't even imagine having a perverse thought about Fluttershy.”

Pinkie spoke as she wrote, “Perverse thoughts about Fluttershy.”

TS: “So what are your intentions towards Fluttershy?”

“I, I don't have any intentions. I want to get to know her and talk to her.”

RD: “In your own words, describe the best most awesome of the armed forces of Equestria.”

“You want me to say Wonderbolts so I’ll say Wonderbolts.”

PP: “What is the largest amount of erotic scrolls that you have ever checked out of the library?”

“I have never checked out anything erotic from the library.”

Pinkie spoke as she wrote, “Reads pornography in library in front of children.”

“Besides, there is nothing pornographic in the library.”

TS: “Oh?”

“I mean I know that because I spent a lot of time hiding in the library.”

TS: “What about the book of limericks by StarSwirl the Bearded?”

“I thought they were kinda gross.”

RD: “My turn. If you want to be the best guard pony you can be, why haven't you applied to the Wonderbolt academy?”

“A distinct lack of wings.”

Rainbow Dash spoke as she wrote, “Candidate lacks certain vital appendages.”

PP: “Oo. Brings me to my next question. What is your favourite position?”

“If given the choice between Emperor of the universe or Fluttershy’s boyfriend. I would choose the latter.”

TS: “What are your parents’ occupations and what are their cutie marks?”

“I never met my parents. I would appreciate no more questions on that subject. Thank you.”

TS: “I used a search spell in the library. I was unable to find the cheesy line, ‘then the last thing that I ever said would have been your name’. You said that to Fluttershy while dancing with her at the Everfree Forest Palace. She tells us everything.”

“I pulled it out of my flank.”
I have one nerve left Twilight, and you’re standing on it.

RD: “Leads me to my next question. What if Princess Luna becomes NightMare Moon again, will you be loyal to her or to Equestria?”

“My word is my honour. My honour is all that I am. I will be loyal to Luna and follow her into the dark. I have sworn an oath. You were all there.”

Twilight and Rainbow Dash conferred. “That’s good actually. That does show a high degree of honour. We look forward to defeating you.” Twilight smiled at Grey.

Twilight spoke absentmindedly as she wrote, “You date one of us you date all of us.”

“Does that mean I can kiss Rarity?”

The girls wrote feverishly.

“Joke, joke! I was trying to lighten the mood. I want to take that back.”

The girls looked up then scribbled more notes.

RD: “You took two turns Twilight, now I get another turn.

How are a door stop and an earth guard pony alike?”

“I'm sorry, I don't know that joke.”

RD: “It's not a joke. What does an earth pony have to offer the Guard?”

“My word is my honour, my life I offer. Luna said my job will be ninety percent boredom with ten percent chaos and terror.”

Rainbow Dash answered, “Ha wait til you meet Mr. Chaos.”

I have. We had tea. I trolled him.
Not out loud. They will call you a liar. Don't let them get to you. They want you to get mad. Don’t lose your temper!
Grey inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. Twilight watched the gauges on the machine in the center of the table. “How did you do that?”

RD: “What does being a door stop pay anyway?”

“Pay?”

All ears perked at Grey.

PP: “My turn and it's pretty obvious. How can you care for Fluttershy and buy her lingerie?”

Grey’s ears wilted. “I don't even know what lingerie is.”

“And when do we get paid? Hey hey pay day. Play and play!”

“We don't Pinkie.” Twilight interjected, “We all have jobs. What we do is a special service to Equestria.”

“Ya but we've saved Equestria several times now. Pay and partay!”

“You know. I've had enough. I was going to fake being angry but your contraption would have seen the truth.”
Grey popped the balloons with the corners of his forehooves causing Pinkie to jump and gasp.
“I chose to end this. I had hoped that we could be friends. I know you want me to lose my temper and prove to you what a jerk I am. I actually don’t need your help for that.
What hurts is that we won’t be friends. And if I can’t be your friend I can’t be Fluttershy’s boyfriend. She is amazing and worth it. If I give up it means that I’m not worthy but there is nothing more important than Fluttershy’s happiness and wellbeing. And I can’t come between her and her best friends.”

Grey stood up and spun on a hoof to wave his tail in the girls’ faces. He ended up mussel to mussel with Fluttershy.

“I’m sorry Grey, I didn’t know they were doing this. My friends can be a little overprotective.” Fluttershy leaned past Grey to speak to the girls. “Even though we’ve discussed it before.
What you just said just now, well it was perfect and heartwarming. And in my books you passed their little test.”

Grey stammered, “We-we were just discussing tactics.”
Good strategy. Fix the rift between you and them. Invite them!
“Perhaps the five of us could go for a walk along the river?”

Twilight collected the papers and tapped them. “That's okay. Why don't you two go alone and have a nice time? We're done here.”

Fluttershy and Grey walked along the riverbank then up a little hill to a shade tree. They sat under the tree.

“I’ll be the brave one and start talking first. I’m sorry I’m not very good a small talk. They say to talk about what you know about. In Cloudsdale, they teach us a lot about meteorology. Lenticular clouds stay in one place. That is a cumulus. Did you know that if there is just one cloud in the sky it is still referred to as a scattered cloudy day? What do you think of that cloud?”

Grey said, “Yes, one cloud that stays in one spot despite the wind. It's as if a pegasus was sitting on it watching us.”

“I'd like to take to you about fear.”

“Oh, I'm so sorry that I'm such a fraidy cat.”

“Not you, me. I see you as an expert. I am not afraid of anything in the forest or even Luna, mostly. But why do I fear your friends?”

“Our friends,” Fluttershy corrected. “You just need to get used to them. You got used to the Everfree Forest somehow.”

Spike was punting a flat bottomed boat down the river. Rarity was in the boat wearing white with a white parasol.

“Sorry what can you see there?”

“I'm guessing a love sick dragon with a flat hat and ribbon pushing a boat with a long pole with a lace covered unicorn reclining in it.”

“And Rarity's book?”

“It looks like Rarity is reading her book upside down.”

“That's because she needs her reading glasses to see things up close but not far away.”

“Spy's spy's everywhere.”

“Did y’all say pies?”

“Applejack, not you too.”

“What yah talkin’ bout? I'm just sellin’ apple pies.”

“I know for a fact that you’re too busy to be selling pies door to door or to be standing around in the park.”

“Grey, you know I would never lie.”

“I never asked you to.”

“Just a country girl and her fresh apple pies.”

“Yah huh. Look at the size of your cart. It’s defiantly Pie sized.”

Grey taped it to the tune of, ♪shave and a haircut...♫
The cart answered.
... Knock knock. “Whoops a doodle.”

“Hi Pinkie.”
“Fluttershy, I have a tease for our friends. Go along if you want. AJ, I’ll need you to be a witness so I don't get killed.”
Grey spoke loudly, “brace yourself Fluttershy, for the most perverted kiss ever!”

Fluttershy swooned, “oh, Sir Grey no! Not the kiss of the amorous ant eater!”

“The what now?”

Twilight Sparkle appeared in a flash of magic and anger. Rainbow Dash swooped down from the cloud. They both scowled at Grey.

Applejack laughed at them, “haw haw, they got you good. So much for your sly plan, Twilight.”

“You guys treat me like a shrinking violet sometimes. I took on that dragon. I am trying to show my best friends that I can be brave. And, if I want to… I will kiss this guy!”
Fluttershy grabbed Grey as if she was leading him in a dance. Dipped him, kissed him, and dropped him.
“And another thing, I'm not the damsel in distress.”

Rarity was yelling directions to Spike while standing and rocking the boat. Spike fell off into the river. Rarity collapsed into the boat, back hoof to forehead.
Spike swam to his hat then the boat then the hat.

“I missed it! I missed it! Do it again!” Pinkie said while climbing out of the pie cart.

/]*[\

Grey walked Fluttershy home.

“The girls will tell you that I made a joke about kissing Rarity. And please take whatever Pinkie says with a pound of salt. The Manticore was roaring his mating roar.”

“Oh, I see, so you would rather kiss Rarity?”

“It was a bad joke that I couldn't take back. A big mouth like me has no secrets.”
Don't say mating in front of Fluttershy! You idiot!
“I probably pushed my luck too far today. Twilight will give you a full report on what a jerk I am. So I'll say goodbye here. Thank you for the dance.”

“I'm sorry, we did not put on our best face for you today. I'll make dinner for you if you don't mind.”

“Will you be there?”

“The girls are right about one thing. Stallions are dumb.”

“I'm still not used to being called a stallion.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, did it ever occur to you that girls like kisses too?”

Grey detoured on his way back to the forest so he could trot, prance and strut his way through Ponyville.

To Date Fluttershy

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“People always fall in love with the most perfect aspects of each other’s personalities.

Who wouldn’t? Anybody can love the most wonderful parts of another person.

But that’s not the clever trick. The really clever trick is this: Can you accept the flaws?

Can you look at your partner’s faults honestly and say, ‘I can work around that.

I can make something out of it.’? Because the good stuff is always going to be there,

and it’s always going to pretty and sparkly, but the crap underneath can ruin you.”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage.

Just as Grey was about to knock on Fluttershy’s door, it opened a crack.
“I'm so sorry Grey, but I've had a minor crisis and I can't have you here tonight. There was a slight fire; we'll reschedule if that's all right.” The dogs and cats were pushing the door open as Fluttershy tried to close it. Grey thought to himself. Don't let her get away. She will never reschedule. She's embarrassed. Grey spoke through the flowers in his mouth. “Fire? Did you say fire? I'm a knight, and I’m a fire fighter as far as you know.”

Grey helped the animals push open the door and walked into the kitchen. He put the flowers down on the table. The animals followed and stared up at him. There was a wisp of smoke rising from the frying pan that had been placed beside an open window. “I'm so sorry, I ruined dinner. Let's try again later.” “No, no, watch this.” Grey flipped a spatula and scraped the frying pan. He loosened a dumpling and lifted it to his mouth.

“Listen.” Fluttershy heard Grey munch on the dumpling. “Mmm. You have no idea what cooked food means to me. Seriously, I’ve never had a real home-cooked meal. By the way, did you know that your floor is covered with fur and eyes?” “I'm sorry, I thought I’d try to be fancy with the food. While I was explaining to all of them what would happen tonight, the dumplings burned. Then you were at the door; I panicked a little.”

“What is the tail with eyes called?” “That is a mink. Feel how soft she is.” Fluttershy put the mink around Grey’s neck. The mink rubbed her face against Grey’s and smiled. “Look at her teeth. She’s a carnivore.” “So are cats and dogs. Some ponies think you’re a carnivore.” “I’m not, you know. You can tell by my flat teeth, and by my smile. What do you feed them?” “A fish mash that I make myself. I don’t think you would like it.”

The table was set and salads, fruits and vegetables were laid out in bowls. Fluttershy scraped the dumplings onto two plates, put the pan in the sink, and sat down. “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot the sour cream.” She stood and went to the icebox. She retrieved a bowl and set it on the table. Grey was standing when she returned. “Sorry, but you don't have to do that. It’s my job to make you feel welcome and relaxed.” “My manners are set on high. And I’m terribly nervous.” They ate in silence as the animals watched the stranger.

Grey elbowed a small piece of dumpling to the corner of the table. He gave it a nudge and it fell into the dog’s mouth with a slight chomp. “I'm sorry, but I know every noise in this house, and I know every sound that the animals make. I told you that they have been fed, and that they are merely curious about you. I asked you not to feed the animals from the table. Some of our food is not healthy for them. That’s why it’s the house rule.” “It got us talking, so how can you be mad at me if you’re smiling? I accept all the blame. I will help with the dishes.” “Not at all, you’re my guest and I have a house full of adorable dishwashers.” “Are you telling me that these dishes have been licked clean by your animals? That was my dream job when I was a street sweeper in Ponyville.” Fluttershy said “Let’s have our tea in the living room and I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

/]*[\

A snort echoed through the room. “What?” Grey woke on the couch covered with animals. Fluttershy was sitting in a chair across from him.

“Last thing I remember, a bunny yawned, and I laughed. It was like a mini silent bucktoothed roar.” Fluttershy smiled at him while she petted the cat on her lap. “I’m sorry, but I’ve decided that you need animal therapy. You’re not getting the deep sleep you need. It’s getting dark and it’s time for you to scamper back home.” “I’m so sorry that I fell asleep on our date. Did I ruin it?” “Oh, and I thought I ruined it by burning the dumplings. Let’s agree to make our next date better.” “I would like to see some baby birds before I go. Are they cute like all baby animals?”“Either you are stalling, or the real reason you came here was to play with the animals, to eat my food, and to fall asleep. I’m throwing you out on your tail, mister.”“I am stalling, and I’ve never seen a baby bird. But what I would really like to see is you throwing me out on my tail.”

Fluttershy nudged Grey to the door with tiny little pushes of her hooves. He reacted as if she was much stronger than she, and he allowed Fluttershy to push him outside. “Shoo fly, I’m sorry, but this is the wrong season for baby birds, and they’re cute in their own way, just like you. I mean, it’s getting dark. Time for all sleepyhead ponies to go home.” Fluttershy smiled at Grey as she closed the door. Grey leaned on the outside of the door while Fluttershy leaned on the inside.

He sighed, “We missed the sunset. Thank you for a wonderful evening. I feel very relaxed right now, and it is a little easier to talk to you through this door. You know, I thought we had a thing going. Could we say goodbye with a goodnight kiss?” “Are you going to hold me hostage in my own cottage until you get what you want, mister?” “I did see a back door to your place, so no, I don’t think that will work.” “What if I screamed for help?” “I’ve never heard you talk louder than a whisper. How would you call your friends?”“I could send a message with a passenger pigeon?” “I would be so long gone. I’d hate to get caught by Applejack or Rainbow Dash. They would do such mean things to me.” Grey sniffed. “I’m sorry that a big strong knight is afraid of my girlfriends. I’m so shy, and I think all of Ponyville is watching. I will open the door and give you a kiss if you promise to keep your eyes closed. Promise?” “I swear.”

Grey received a kiss on the mussel that tickled his nose, and then he heard the door close.

“That was a most delightful kiss, Miss Fluttershy. But I wonder, which end of the bunny did I just kiss?” “Oh you are just terrible to insinuate such a thing. You wanted a kiss and you got one.” Fluttershy put the bunny down, petted its head and leaned on the door. “I look forward to our date at the palace.” “Date at the palace, good idea. Thank you for supper. Good night. Um, thank you.” Grey galloped off to prevent himself from saying ‘thank you’ again.

/]*[\

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy flew down and landed in front of the Everfree Forest Palace. Grey stood at attention on his rock by the stairs. Fluttershy stood facing Grey with her head down while Rainbow Dash marched back and forth in front of him. “Listen up, guard Door Stop! You are in the presence of a near Wonderbolt and of Ms. Fluttershy herself. You will act with the utmost decorum and chivalry. There will be no kissing. No hoof holding. No accidental misunderstandings that lead to any rolling in the hay.”

Whenever Rainbow Dash turned her back, Grey would roll his eyes at Fluttershy or stick out his tongue at Rainbow Dash while she was turned away. “Hey Fluttershy, I think I’d make a pretty awesome drill sergeant. What do you think?” Grey became very stiff. He shifted his weight to his right legs so his left legs lifted off the ground and he ended up leaning on the banister. “What are we going to do with you, Door Stop?” Grey relaxed and returned to his position, “Push-ups.” “What?” “A drill sergeant would make me do push-ups.” “All right then, push-ups it is!” “Yes Drill Sergeant! Right away, Drill Sergeant. How many push-ups, Drill Sergeant?” “All of them!”

Grey started doing push-ups on his rock. When Fluttershy was looking, he kicked his hind legs over his head and switched to foreleg push-ups. He kept his head up and smiled at Fluttershy.

“How about pony jumping jacks, Drill Sergeant.?” Grey started to jump with back legs together while his forelegs splayed. Then he reversed it for each jump. “Oh yah, try it with six limbs!” Rainbow Dash did the same exercise while flapping her wings and keeping her hooves off the ground. Grey looked up to see Fluttershy. “Ten-Hut!” He snapped to attention. “What? Oh, sorry Fluttershy, He kinda got me carried away.” Rainbow Dash caught Grey sticking his tongue out at her. “Such disrespect, I don't think I can leave Fluttershy with such a rude pony!”“It's okay, Fluttershy. It’s obvious that your father cares a lot for you.”“Gack! Fluttershy, do not enter this palace with this proven perverted pony. It’s his living quarters, after all. Stay outside. I think it’s safer in the Everfree Forest than to be alone with him in the palace.”
“That was my plan all along.” “You have a plan?” “Hey wait; I'm the knight, I’m not a Wonderbolt wannabe. Don’t worry Mr. Dash, I’ll take good care of Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy, “Are you going to be okay here?” “Oh yes, I’m sorry to bother you and to bring you all the way out here. I’m sure he will be a perfect gentle colt.” “One squeak of trouble, and I’ll be back in a flash. Count on it, Door Stop.” Rainbow Dash flew off.

Grey escorted Fluttershy up the stairs to the veranda and walked with her to the back of the palace. There was a small table with two chairs against the windows of the ballroom. Lemonade berries and two special apples from Celetia’s gift tree were on the table. Fluttershy settled into her chair and looked at the sky. “Oh, where are they going?” “The clouds? This is Everfree. Things happen here without magic. Clouds move with the wind not with weather Pegasi.”

He poured the lemonade and they sat in awkward silence. Grey rubbed his neck, “I’m not good at small talk. I’m better at being a big mouth.” “So um, how often do you and Princess Luna dance?” Grey rubbed his neck again, “Oh sorry, dance is another word for my forms or patterns. Luna tells me what to do, and I do it.” “But you said she danced for you?” “Um, I told a story of how Luna made the road.” “You're by her side all the time?” “No, not at all. She comes here for solitude. When she's in the mood, she teaches me something new, or tells me what to do next in a form. Luna is massively intelligent and insightful.” “Do you, love her?”

Grey gasped. “She is elegant, precise, articulate, very sharp and a little dark. Luna knows what I'm going to say or do before I do. But she says it’s my job to know what she wants before she asks. I don’t know how I’m going to learn that.”
Shut up or change the subject.

“One day we went to the kitchen together. She said there is an ancient curse that goes along the line of ‘beware the upset unicorn wife with telekinetic powers’. Then she started throwing things at me. I dodged them easily at first. Then she hit me with a serving platter from behind. It made a noise that sounded like a gong.”

Grey stuck out his tongue and tilted his head to make a funny face, but Fluttershy didn’t smile. “Luna said earth ponies never realise that stuff can hit us from behind. Then the knives came at me. I used the tray as a shield. But I knew I had to stop her somehow. She told me the answer to this challenge. It seems that unicorns don’t like things in their face when using telekinesis. They would have to maintain a shield, and control the flying objects at the same time. So I batted shrapnel back at her. Luna didn’t get mad or anything. And I got better at it. Then the fine china came at me. After that, the knives began to spin like maple seeds whizzing at me. I kept batting things back at her face until she stopped. The kitchen was a disaster; then I blinked and it was back to normal. Luna said everything is made of molecules and she can reset them to their original form”.

“I made a bench out of willow branches and put it in Luna’s garden. We can sit there and watch for squirrels. She planted some vines that actually want you to step on them so they release a sent to attract insects. Luna says it’s a nice perfume.” Fluttershy looked down and frowned. “Oh, I see. I finally get it. I am dense. How about from now on, I refer to her as ‘The Boss’?”

I want to sit on the bench with you, and I will, so help me, I will kiss you first.

Should not have said, ‘wife’ and ‘Luna’ in the same sentence.

Fluttershy sighed. “So quiet. It seems very lonely here.” “I have never been as alone as I was in Ponyville.” “Same with me in Cloudsdale. But how can you live in a world without animals?” “I picked this spot because the Everfree animals are a little more active around here. Even Screecher is quiet.” “Oh, who's Screecher?” Fluttershy looked up. “He's a very loud bird. Half crow and half turkey buzzard. But he sounds like a high-pitched blue jay. Screecher acts like it's his job to announce the presence of strangers. Can you sense the animals at the edge of the forest? I can feel their eyes.” “Oh, yes. So many are there watching us.”

Grey slumped in his chair. “My diabolical plan isn’t working. I expected animals to come to you, and then you would be relaxed and happy. If this was any place else in Equestria, the animals would mob you. But not here. I don't understand.” “Oh, I'm sorry, but it's different here. Backwards and wild. You said so yourself. Remember when I said ‘you need animal therapy’? You need it here too. Isolation isn’t healthy for a pony.” “That’s what… never mind.” Rainbow Dash came over the forest and flew down to the grass behind the palace. She looked at Fluttershy and then to the forest. “Oh dear, something's happened. It's time for us to be heroes again. But I don't want to be.” Fluttershy stood up. “I so want to go in your stead.” Grey stood with her. “You sound as if you’ve been reading Twilight’s books. You know that won't work. The six of us have to be together to save the day.”

Fluttershy walked down the back stairs. Then she walked back up and hugged Grey. Then back down the stairs. Then back up. “My boyfriend is so dumb.” She teased as she kissed him. “Just once I would like you to kiss me first.”

A black bird swooped in and landed on the veranda banister. He strutted back and forth, eyeing the food on the table. It let out a sharp screech. “There you are. Do you have any idea who you just missed?” Screecher fluffed his feathers and settled himself. “I don’t believe it. You are actually dripping tiny drops of oil or something. Maybe it’s a good thing Fluttershy left. What if she hugged your oily self? I hope you avoid the phoenix.” Grey gave Screecher a grape. “Must plan a bigger, better date. Go big or go home, because this home didn’t work. What’s the biggest place I know?

Oh no. Not there.”

Ah, Grasshopper

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‘Master, do we seek victory in contention?’ -Disciple Caine

‘Seek rather not to contend.’ -Master Kan

‘But shall we not then be defeated?’ -Disciple Caine

‘We know that where there is no contention, there is neither defeat nor victory.

The supple willow does not contend against the storm, yet it survives.’ -Master Kan

Fluttershy was arranging vines in her garden. Grey walked up with two pumpkins, their stalks tied to the ends of a rope he had around his neck.

“Fluttershy I have something for you.”

“Thank you Grey, those are very nice.”

“No not the pumpkins, the pumpkins have magic in them from my boss so we can travel and get back before feeding time. But you must trust me.”

“I’m sorry, I do trust you but when you ask it like that it makes me a little nervous.

Grey set the pumpkins down and stomped on one of them. An oval purple portal appeared and Grey escorted Fluttershy through. At the last second, he remembered the other pumpkin. Grey stuck his hand through the portal from the other side and grabbed it.

They were in Canterlot. Not far from the castle, very close to the Royal Garden. Grey walked towards it with Fluttershy.

“I’m sorry Grey, but I don’t like surprises. I have unpleasant memories of this place; please take me home.”

“You must trust me. Luna told me to seek out a very important instructor here. She said that I am to have several mentors guide me on my journey and that most are getting on in years. He is my first martial art teacher besides herself. He is the wisest pony I have ever met. And it is so important that you meet him too. I don’t have money for presents. Please, this is something special for you. Um, although he can be a bit testy.”

“I’m sorry but the more you say, the more alarmed I become. Please, I want to go home.”

“Please Fluttershy, Luna hates granting favours. I did all this for you. I promise to take all this unpleasantness away from you. You will feel wonderful.”

They walked up to the wooden fence surrounding the Royal Canterlot Zoo where the old gardener was leaning, chewing on a straw.
"Master...?” Grey inquired.

“In the flesh. Well lookie here, the clumsy pony and the crazy pony.”

“Master please. You promised, I promised, and Fluttershy is already terrified.”

“Remember when we first met, crazy pony? I told you that I like to whistle while I work. Perhaps you know this tune?” The groundskeeper whistled. He made three chirps, then a single chirp. Four bluebirds flew down and settled on his straw hat.

Fluttershy lifted her head just enough to move her mane to see.

“Now if I change the first note a half octave up, I get this result.” The groundskeeper whistled again.

Two yellow birds with pink flight and tail feathers flew down and settled on his hat.

Fluttershy lifted her head high to see.

“I’m thinking of asking the princess to reclassify these as ‘Fluttershys’, what do you think?” He sighed, “The animals would like to apologise for their behaviour that night. You see, the Grand Galloping Gala is a very stressful night for them. Ponies out after dark, loud noises startling the animals out of their sleep, et cetera et cetera. Then they saw an opportunity to play a tease on a certain pegasus animal lover. Do you really think they allowed you to chase them through the castle, by accident, twice? They had a great time at your expense and now they would like to say sorry.”

Animals were gathering around. Fluttershy was her animal loving self. She talked to all who came close and accepted their apologies, saying it wasn’t necessary. A small monkey approached. Fluttershy talked to it as it climbed onto her back and tried working her wing. A giraffe came over and looked down. Fluttershy gently flapped her wings and rose slowly. The monkey jumped off her back. She rose to his height. “You are so handsome and the horns so cute.”

Grey's ears perked. “Handsome?!”

The gardener asked. “Are you jealous of Paul? How would you fight a giraffe, oh great and clumsy warrior?”

Fluttershy’s ear turned towards Grey.

“I’d fill him full of donuts and cupcakes until his belly touched the ground.”

“Why don’t you go over there and do your dance exercises while important animal experts discuss important zoological matters. And don’t trip over your hooves like last week.”

“Yes Master.”

“Everypony calls me Mr. Greenhooves. He has to call me Master. But you, you my dear, may call me Boothby.”

/]*[\

Back home, Fluttershy began the process of feeding the animals. They were late returning and the menagerie was hungry. She was distracted and apologetic to the animals. Grey hung around pawing the grass.

“I’m sorry, I didn't forget about you; would you like to stay for dinner?”

“That would be wonderful, the food looks so good, but it's the animals’ food and I can’t.”

“Are you planning to stand guard here Grey?” She smiled.

“No, I really have to get back to the palace.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise there was a price for your gift.” Fluttershy teased.

“No, no, that would be wrong, I just um, I’m clumsy with words too. Did I mention that my boss hates granting favours?”

“Are you asking for a reward for Luna’s favour?”

Grey’s ears drooped.

“But you do want something, why don’t you just ask?” Fluttershy hid her smile as she turned away from him back to the hungry animals.

“That would be improper. I mean I’m not scared of anything in the Everfree Forest but talking to the prettiest girl, your mane is extra pretty today, I mean every day. Why must this be so hard?”

Fluttershy put down the bag of food and hugged Grey, “I’m sorry, it’s my fault; I’ve never had a boyfriend I could play the teasing game with before. That was a wonderful gift. You have no idea how good it feels to be friends with the Canterlot animals.” She squeezed tight. “Thank you so much for such a thoughtful gift.”

With that Fluttershy grabbed Grey by the face and gave him a long kiss.

“Woo hoo!”

“That makes four times I have kissed you first, Sir Fearless. You owe me a lot of kisses, mister. And don’t go bragging to your friends.”

“Can I tell the Manticore? Were you teasing about the boyfriend part? Can I have one more kiss?”

Fluttershy gave Grey a small kiss and sent him on his way. “And leave my Manticore alone.”

/]*[\

The grasshopper was not impressed. Grey was pushing it from behind trying to make it hop. He would push gently and the grasshopper would not move only raise its back end.

“Fluttershy, you gotta see this. I was the best at getting them to hop the farthest.”

Grey pushed and the grasshopper stepped forward. “Come on come on, for Fluttershy.”

An icy chill crawled through Grey’s brain. Freeze! You are in danger of losing everything.

Grey looked at Fluttershy. She had her hooves in front of her face and she was mortified. “I’m sorry. You’re just like all of them. How could you hurt a living creature? I thought, I hoped, that you would be different. How could you?”

Grey practiced what he would say next in his head.

I have no intention of hurting the bug. I was just showing off, for you. You’re being irrational.
No, no, no. if you fight you will lose everything. Be supple like water, like Twilight, when she beat you. Look at her!

Grey softened, “I am so sorry. Please know that I would never hurt any living thing. I-I am different from the rest, I have learned my lesson. That makes me different. Please forgive me and I will tame every Everfree Forest creature and make them your pet.”

The grasshopper shrugged, jumped and flew over the bunny hedge.

Fluttershy said, “You will have to do better than that. You will have to try very hard, mister.”

Grey smirked, “I will do my best, with one exception, that flea behind your ear. Let me get that for you.”

“I’m sorry, did you just imply that I have fleas?”

Grey nibbled behind Fluttershy’s ear.

“Oh, I see, I’m sorry, I’ll give you just twenty minutes to stop that.”

Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie trotted and bounced over. "Fluttershy, we're all meeting at the cafe. Oh, what do we have here? Fluttershy's new pet?”

“I’m Fluttershy’s most favourite pet.”

“Sorry, but I can’t have favourites; you wouldn't even be in the top ten thousand if I did. I have my friends, all of Ponyville, Cloudsdale and Equestria. Then every creature ever, then you.”

“Ya, but I’m on the list. Best list ever.”

“You would be at the bottom of the list because you are Fluttershy’s least trained and worst behaved pet.” Twilight declared.

“Yes, but I have observed that girls like jerks, so I am the most jerkiest pony ever for Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy said 'grasshopper' and Grey rolled over like a dog, legs in the air, his tail flopping the ground.

Pinkie chirped, “That’s their safe word. If you guys ever want to borrow a liquorice whip, let me know.”

“Pinkie! Rarity would remind you of decorum. I think Fluttershy has this brute under control. Come along, time for tea.” Twilight and Pinkie walked away.

Grey held up a bunny for inspection. “Why do they all look at me like that?”

“They look at all of us like that. They think we have funny noses?”

“Bunny, did you just imply that my girl has a non-cute muzzle? I’ll have you know that her’s is the cutest nose in Equestria. Oh, it is on bunny, I shall battle you day and night for my girl’s honour.” Grey turned to Fluttershy, “You know I’m kidding, right?”

She smiled, “I’m sorry, but it seems you have already forgotten your promise. My self-image is not in jeopardy. And I would declare this mighty bunny victorious.”

Grey picked up a thin carrot and taped the bunny on the shoulders, “I hereby dub thee, ‘sir bunny’. Look at his big feet. If he was a puppy, I’d say he was going to grow up to be a big dog.”

“That’s his bread. His name is Black ‘n Tan and I am taking him home with me to protect me from rambunctious guard ponies.”

“Um, you know I’m jealous of all boys near you. I was very envious of Spike when he first arrived in Ponyville.”

Spike was strutting down the path on his way to meet the girls.

Fluttershy gushed, “Oh there he is, it’s Spike! Isn’t he handsome and so confident? Look at his proud belly.”

Grey snorted. He had his stomach and chest on the ground with his hooves dug in. his lower lip jutted out, ears perked forward. When Spike was in range Grey said, “Did I ever tell you about my first day at the Everfree Palace? Luna asked me what I would do if her manor was attacked by battle dragons. She was so impressed with my answer; she hired me on the spot.”

“I’m sorry but guard ponies do not tell lies.” She jabbed Greys ribs several times.

“Stop it, stop it. How’d you know I was ticklish there? First the grasshopper, then the bunny, now you. Save me Spike. I am defeated once again.”

Spike walked away with visions of battle dragons dancing in his head.

The bunny pasture became very quiet.

Brushy Brushy

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“When someone loves you it's like having a blanket all round your heart...”

― Helen Fielding, Bridget Jones's Diary

Fluttershy’s cottage was the hive of activity. All the small and medium sized animals were inside eagerly waiting to be brushed. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were assisting Fluttershy and Grey. They all sat around the rug in the centre of the living room. The long haired bunnies were first. Fluttershy brushed and collected hair as the Crusaders rotated bunnies through the line while Grey cleaned.

Sweetie Belle remarked, “This angora fur will make a wonderful sweater for somepony. You should sell it. It's valuable.”

“I'm sorry, that's not my way.” Fluttershy said. “I trade it for food and treats for these lovely animals who have given up some of their beautiful fleece.”

Grey inspected a bunny, “It's amazing, one day Fluttershy says she likes long haired bunnies, then suddenly a dozen angora bunnies show up. My girl is full of fussy magic.”

Fluttershy reminded him that each bunny should get a treat.

“Bunnies get a free brushing, cleaning and a treat. Not fair, what about poor me?”

Apple Blume sighed, “Fluttershy, how can you stand him when yawl could be a dattin’ Big Macintosh?”

Fluttershy smiled. “Oh, I'm sorry, but I can only train one boyfriend at a time.”

“Hm, Wot?” Grey looked around, pretending to have missed something.

“But you work for Princess Celestia and he works for Luna.” Scootaloo observed.

“You can say Celestia or Luna when not in their presence. It is considered polite to use Princess for both when mentioning both.” Grey corrected.

Scootaloo said, “I heard that Big Mac sleeps with a doll.”

“He does not! That’s my brother you’re a talking about. Fluttershy, what’s it like having him as a boyfriend?”

“Oh, he’s just like a little foal. Grey is fascinated with bunnies and kitties. He likes putting them into tea cups and boxes. Grey is very curious as to how bunnies and kitties interact. I can tell he never had a chance to play with them when he was small.”

“I am their hero. They all look up to me because I know where the treats are hidden.”

“I’m sorry, but the animals are manipulating you, Grey. You taught them that if they give you the sad eyes or the hungry look, you will do their bidding.”

The girls giggled.

Grey sat up straight, “Might I remind you girls that I am the terror of the Everfree Forest.”

“Yah, but we’re not there Mr. Tea Cup Bunny.” Scootaloo reminded him.

“Tee hee, that bunny has lipstick. Looks like my sister in the morning when she forgets to take off her makeup.” Sweetie Belle said.

“Oh Grey, I'm sorry, but not the raspberries.”

Grey held up a bunny for inspection. Its nose twitched over red lips.

The girls giggled. Grey then fed a big raspberry to a small bunny.

“Looks like a clown. Clown bunny! Clown bunny!” Apple Bloom joked.

“Let me try.” Scootaloo made a mess of feeding a raspberry to a brown rabbit. “Ohooo zombie bunny.”

“I'm sorry Grey, but now you have more to clean.” Fluttershy pointed out.

“It is not mine to question why. It is mine to wipe and dry.”

Scootaloo turned to Grey, “My parents are Royal Guard ponies on a special mission for Princess Celestia. When they return they will get special medals and we will all live in Canterlot Castle.”

Grey said, “I thought I was the only guard pony from Ponyville. I can’t wait to meet them.” He felt several bumps from the girls. Sweetie Belle made eye contact with Grey, raised her eyebrows and shook her head.

The Siamese cat, The Queen of Siam, pranced through the group, with her tail held high, demanding to be acknowledged. Grey brushed her to keep her happy and out of the way.

Apple Bloom whispered to Sweetie Belle then asked Fluttershy, “What would happen if Grey were allergic to animals? You'd have to get rid of him. Then you could date my brother and I could play with the animals every day.”

Sweetie Belle’s horn glowed. Grey sneezed.

“I'm sorry, he's not and I'm not getting rid of him just yet. I have more important animals to adopt away.”

Grey sneezed and sneezed. The girls giggled.

“Treachery! Cho! Cho! Evil! Cho! Girls! Cho! Crusaders dungeon! Cho!”

“I'm sorry girls; Grey has a very sensitive nose and is ticklish. Pepper is very expensive. Sweetie Belle, if you could please remove the pepper from The Queen of Siam's fur and Greys nose.”

Grey wiped his nose on a towel, “I'm not the wicked one here. Oh Fluttershy, I'm going to need much TLC tonight.”

“Sorry girls, see what you've done.”

“Grey’s ticklish?” the girls spoke in unison. “Crusaders attack!”

Grey laughed, “No! Save me, Fluttershy.”

“Some Guard Pony. Needs his girlfriend to save him.”

When the work was done and the girls had gone home, Grey asked Fluttershy, “I said something wrong, didn’t I?”

“Schootaloo doesn’t have parents. Sometimes she tells stories to comfort herself.”

Grey realised, “Sweetie Belle lives with her sister not her parents. Apple Bloom has no parents and Schootaloo is a full orphan. That’s why they are best friends. Hngggg. Guard pony senses tingling. Fluttershy, we have to do something.” He stood at the door prancing his forelegs. “I have something to tell you.”

“I’m sorry, but I think I already know.”

“You do?”

“Yes, I do. You call it gossip. It’s also communication, passing information. Not just story telling like Scootaloo was doing. Once you and I started seeing each other, ponies told me all about you. I filtered out what was nonsense and figured it out for myself. And one, Granny Smith, filled me in on the rest. She doesn’t mess around. Granny Smith admits things weren’t done right with you and that the town will do better with Schootaloo. She has a place to live, is cared for and is loved. It didn’t help that you always ran away when ponies got too close to you.”

“You mean that my existence actually made a difference in someponies life? I don’t feel so bad now.”

/]*[\

Grey knew he had made a mistake as soon as he walked into Ponyville. The screaming. The yelling. The general running for cover and the slamming of doors and shutters. Grey and the Manticore walked past the town hall.

The mayor spoke through a shutter. “I'm sorry, but we need some notice before wild Everfree Forest creatures walk through our peaceful little town.”

“Do you mean him or me?”

“Sir Grey, please, he is very terrifying.”

“He just wants to taste the well water. He wants to know if it’s different from river water or lake water.”

They walked to the old well near the centre of town. Grey explained that most of the homes were now supplied by pipes from the aquifer. Fluttershy flew over and hugged the Manticore. He responded by passionately licking her face and mane.

“Ahem, Manticore, that's my girl.”

Fluttershy gushed, “Manny, Manny Roar! I'm so glad to see you.”

“That's your name? You never said you had a name.”

Manny looked around confused.

The Crusaders walked over.

Now Grey was curious, “Aren’t you girls afraid?”

Scootaloo spoke for the group. “Nuh huh. Fluttershy’s here and you're here and I'm not a chicken!”

Grey tilted his head. “Where did that come from?”

The gang spoke in unison, “The CMC is large and in charge!”

Grey watched Fluttershy and Manny hug while speaking to the girls. “One of you could try for a bravery cutie mark by kissing the Manticore. Just close your eyes and give him a little kiss.”

Scootaloo closed her eyes and cautiously leaned towards Manny. She opened her eyes when she heard Fluttershy say. “Grey, stop it.”

Scootaloo saw a dark cave surrounded by fangs and sharp teeth.

She backpedalled away, “Ah! Not funny Grey.”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle agreed, “Yah jerk, Grey.” The three of them blew raspberries as they walked away.

“I screwed up again, didn’t I Grey informed Fluttershy.

“I’m sorry, but yes you did. Let’s walk Manny home.”

As the three walked toward the Everfree Forest, Grey asked, “How can I make it up to them?”

“It’ll take time. Just wait for them to prank you and all will be right with the world. Or, um, I have an idea. You could put on your butler uniform and serve them tea and then, you know, you could come over to my place with your uniform on.”

/]*[\

Fluttershy answered the knock on her door. Grey stood there with what was left of his white shirt. His tie hung as a noose around his neck. His face was covered in an overabundance of makeup. Red cheeks, red lips and blue eyes. His mane was full of hair clips and bows. Grey’s head and ears drooped. He smiled just a little.

Fluttershy asked, “Grey what happened?”

“They attacked me! The Cutie Mark Monsters attacked without provocation. Everything was going well. I was serving them tea and scones in their little clubhouse. They were perfect little ladies all dressed up and acting very civilized. When they had their fill, they snapped and went nuts. I mean, who has a food fight at tea?”

Fluttershy smirked, “Daw poor baby. You must be very confident if you can tease yourself about being beaten by little girls. Come and sit down, let me put a towel on the sofa first. Here, hold Black ‘n Tan. He’s a big bunny that can take a big hug. What else happened?”

“Once there was nothing left to make a mess with, they turned on me. You’d be proud of me, Fluttershy. I didn’t yell, or curse, or hit, or bite. I was a perfect gentlecolt as they covered me in this junk. I tried reasoning with them. I tried threatening them. Nothing works on them. I’m the terror of the Everfree Forest.”

“Of course you are baby.”

“Nopony told me there were four of the little horrors. I can stare down wolves but they don’t care about that. I think they’re envious because I’ve had two cutie marks.”

“Uhuh, what would happen if you showed weakness to an Everfree creature or an ordinary predator or carnivore? The girls could tell that you were a big softie and that they took advantage, just like the animals here, didn’t they?”

“But I am big and scary and strong.” Grey raised his eyebrows and smiled at Fluttershy.

“Of course you are dear. What happened to your tuxedo jacket?”

“The fiends took it. They said they would burn it and me in effigy if I didn’t cooperate and bring them more sweets. Why did they use so much junk on me? And what are these biting things?”

“I’m sorry, that’s how little girls think. If a little is good, more is better. Let me take off those fur clips.” Fluttershy unclipped the ladybugs that were clamped to Grey’s chest. Then she removed a red bowtie barrette that was locked on his ear and put it in her mane. “I’ll trade all this stuff for your jacket and have a chat with the girls. Although I may keep this one. What do you think?” Fluttershy batted her eyelashes at Grey.

Grey hugged Black ‘n Tan, “You are so beautiful and smart. If reasoning doesn’t work, I suggest fire, and lots of it.”

Flower Moon

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Give your thanks to the needle that stuck in your finger,

to wooden beam that you hit your head,

to bee that stung you on your hand,

because they taught you something!

—Mehmet Murat İldan

Grey trotted through Ponyville. Ponies turned to look. He thought to himself. I’ve gone from being invisible, to the centre of attention. They’re all wondering what crazy thing I will do next.

He marched up to the old cottage and knocked on the door. An elderly donkey with an oversized hairpiece answered. “What!”

“Princess Luna has sent me here to learn Flower Moon.”

Cranky grabbed Grey by the ear and pulled him into the cabin and slammed the door.

“What is this manure? Is this a threat? Am I the flower because you represent Luna? You must be here to cut me down like a flower past its prime. Do the princesses think I’ve gone to seed and can’t keep my mouth shut. What kind of a request is this? No introduction, what did she tell you about me?”

Grey said. “Princess Luna didn’t tell me anything except to learn the form Flower Moon from you and that this may be your last chance to pass on your art.”

“And you Royal Guard, you demand anything you want.”

Grey said. “I am just a guard of Princess Luna, nothing more.”

Cranky said. “Is that so? Where is your letter of introduction? Where are your manners?”

Grey was getting irritated. “I know that you would have balked at that. I know the more formal I am, the more you will resist. I know donkeys, I know your kind.”

Cranky was incensed. “How dare you! I can have you charged for that! What do you know about being a donkey, Sir Canterlot?”

“Don’t you dare call me that! I am the opposite of that. Oh, I know my donkeys. For the first half of my life I thought I was a donkey! This is not my original colour; this is not my original mark. They called me ‘donkey’ in school so often, I thought I was a donkey; it didn’t bother me at all. When they saw that it didn’t concern me, they found another word, ‘mule’. I had to look it up. Now-a-days it doesn’t matter who you marry. A pony and a donkey can marry and have a child. But they couldn’t in the old days because it meant the child would be called a ‘bastard’. I never knew my parents. It could have been true. I had no guidance. It was best to be invisible. And now everypony watches me. For some reason I’m a knight.” Grey’s eyes glazed over. His face went blank. “Sometimes I feel as though I’m in the game of the Alicorn.”

Cranky stumbled backwards and sat down hard on a bench against the wall. “How dare you bring that into my house!”

Matilda had been listening from the kitchen. She came in the room quietly and asked, “Doodle, what happened? I could tell you were testing him then he froze up.”

“Manure, he’s caught in an Alicorn game. Watch. Hey pony you are in an Alicorn game and your tail is on fire, do something about it!”

Grey gazed a mote of dust floating in a sun beam.

“You see Matilda, once you’re in an Alicorn game you can’t get any help from the outside and you can’t know that you’re in the game. Even though they enter the game willingly.

“I’ll tell you what happened and how I know about these horrible games. We were on silent patrol. Someplace we weren’t supposed be. I packed the supplies. My first covert mission. One of the platoon was caught in an Alicorn game. The stress got to her. The rules chose that particular time to challenge her, but she chose to go insane and end the game. The officer tried to put her in a trance, like dummy here, but he couldn’t. She just kept screaming and screaming. They had to stop her screaming. We weren’t supposed to be there. We were under orders. I can still hear her screaming and the sound she made when they smothered her. They had to do it. They had to. I carried her body out in my cart. This is why war is the most awful thing and the second most awful thing is the Alicorn games. At first I thought Luna sent him here as a warning or a threat to me to keep my mouth shut about my past, but he’s just not that bright.” Cranky spoke to Grey. “You almost had me at that ‘pass on your art’ line.” Then back to Matilda. “I was always resentful that I didn’t get a retirement party or gift. But I guess I did get a gift after all. I was given the ability to retire and the gift of a long life. Something Dummy here won’t see.”

Matilda said, “But that long ago Luna was imprisoned…, oh my. I will never look at Celestia the same way again.”

Cranky explained. “The officer said the rules of an Alicorn game would fill libraries. It’s like they are almost alive themselves. It could have been a growth thing for her, we’ll never know.”

Matilda tapped Cranky on the shoulder. “You will help this poor pony.”

“Ay, I will, but on my terms. Just one more thing while I’ve got him like this. You are a bastard, not because of your linage but because your end will break Fluttershy’s heart, and for that, you are a bastard! Mother of Celestia, was Fluttershy part of the bargain you made? You son of a…”

“Cranky Doodle Donkey! You will not use your curse words in our house. I know this pony. He was always helpful and kind to me and like all young colts; he had a crush on Fluttershy.”

“I’ll help him alright, but I won’t teach him everything so I can still kill him when he becomes the monster or whatever Luna has in store for this dummy. Come back pony; come back to Eqestria, back to Ponyville. Breathe, inhale through your nose and exhale four times through your mouth. Look around and come back to this world.”

Grey snapped out of his trance, blinked and shook his mane.

“All right Dummy, let’s see if you can hold a sword in that big mouth of yours.”

Cranky picked up a curved stick with an S shaped handle and threw it at Grey. Grey caught it in his mouth and twirled it once and gripped it again.

Cranky said. How’d you do that?”

“It’s just like my broom handle with a bit more curve.”

“Try two swords, Dummy.”

Cranky picked up a broken stick and threw it. Grey caught it and mumbled around the sticks, “It’s mike my torch.”

Cranky said. “Don’t you dare inspire confidence in me, Dummy. Hold them in your forhooves properly. This is what ‘Flower Moon’ means. The moon is the crescent moon, the perfect curve of the sword. The flower is the blossoms blowing off a tree. The small pieces of flesh you cut from your opponent. It is a wild dance of animals charging at the same time. Fast attacks with fast flourishing finishes. You will learn the two sword side. You will learn tornado blade. You will spin in a circle like the full moon. I will move like a figure eight shaped petal. Like a lotus flower swaying on a pond at night, reaching for the moon. That is how I counter your attacks. And I’m not holding back with my wooden sword. And it’s going to hurt.”

Grey said, “Princess Luna says ‘I’m getting the hard training’ anyway, so I don’t mind.”

Cranky asked himself more than Grey, “What does she have in store for you anyway?”

“Don’t know. I just do what I’m told.”

/]*[\

After training for the remainder of the day, Cranky and Grey walked to the centre of Ponyville. They could hear the ponies gossiping about them.

“Sir Grey’s arrested Cranky.”

“About time.”

“What did he do?”

“Probably bit somepony.”

“Did you hear that? Cranky bit a pony, probably a foal.”

“Cranky bit a foal! I hope they throw away the key and warden.”

When they got to the town square, Cranky spoke to Grey. “Well, Dummy, it seems that we have entered into a teacher student relationship. You might want to rub some vinegar on those bruises I gave you. And now it’s time to say goodbye, you know what that means.”

“For the record this does not bother me in the least.” Grey knelt down and bowed formally. “Thank you, teacher, for this day of education. Until we meet again. Please be well.”

Cranky nodded and Grey stood up. Grey bowed again and galloped toward the Everfree Forest. Cranky marched back home. The ponies in the town square were silent.

/]*[\

Fluttershy, Matilda, Cranky and Grey were having lunch at the café. Grey and Cranky frowned at each other from across the table.

Grey still had food in his mouth when he spoke to Cranky. “It would upset Fluttershy greatly if you forgot to feed that thing on your head.”

Cranky said. “A little early to be starting with the hair jokes isn’t it?”

Fluttershy was shocked, “Grey! I’m sorry, but that is no way to address your teacher. That is unacceptable behaviour.”

“It’s okay, Fluttershy. They are the best of friends when they talk like that.” Matilda explained. “When they train, they sound completely different. For example, Cranky, please critique Grey.”

“Your tornado blade sucks flank. Granny Smith has better hips than you when you spin. Extend and reach out. Loosen up and don’t overthink, which is a miracle in itself for a dummy like you.”

“Thank you teacher, what you say is entirely correct and I appreciate it.”

“Don’t say flank like that in front of us ladies, Cranky. And why are you looking at Granny Smith’s hips anyway?” Matilda turned to Fluttershy, “Fluttershy, you’re the expert on animals, are these two the worst boys of any species?”

“I’m sorry, but yes, they are.”

Cranky said. “How did you ever catch a beauty like Fluttershy anyway?”

Grey said. “She raised an eyelash at me once and I have been following her on a cloud ever since. And you, how did you hook up with a treasure like Matilda?”

“I pursued her and I pursued her until she caught me.”

The girls spoke in unison, “Just terrible.”

Fluttershy asked. “Matilda, do Jacks, donkey males, have to say It?”

“Yes they do and it’s very good for them too. It stops fights and bad behaviour of all males.”

Grey and Cranky glared at each other, silently blaming the other for having to say It.

“You know the rules, you are allowed one excuse but you still have to say It when a girl has decided that a boy is being ill-mannered. Come on boys, we’re waiting.”

The guys spoke in unison. “It’s A Mare’s World.”

“Good boys, now don’t you feel better?”

Cranky changed the subject. “What’s it like to stand guard in front of an empty palace all day?”

Grey answered, “I observe and listen. I know the patterns of the Everfree Forest and its creatures. And they watch me. Why just the other day something was spying on me when it stepped in something nasty and swore. Its spying skills seemed a little out of practice. Whatever did you step in Cranky?”

“You’re still a dummy.”

“By the pricking of a thing dumb, something Pinkie, this way come.”

Cranky got the hint and dove under the tablecloth.

Pinkie Pie bounced up to the table. “Have you guys seen Cranky? We’re supposed to have a dance lesson.”

Grey said. “No, we’re trying to get Matilda away from that clumsy, four left legged dummy.”

Something banged the table.

“What was that?”

“Sorry, I just banged my dumb leg on the table.”

Okey dokey, if you see him let me know, key.

Pinkie bounced off. Cranky emerged from his hiding place.

“Grey, you saved me from the pink monster. I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Don’t thank me just yet.”

Cranky saw Grey’s eyes roll up.

“She’s behind me isn’t she? The pink monster is behind me.”

“Cranky dankey, you promised me a dance, key.”

“My apologies Pinkie, I’m being selfish today so I can have some extra training with my fourth favourite teacher.”

/]*[\

Cranky and Grey always said goodbye in the Town Square. Today, the closer they got to the marketplace; the more Grey acted like Pinkie Pie until he was bouncing with his hooves together.

“What’s with you, Dummy?

“Daddy, Daddy, buy me a treat!” Begged Grey.

“What! You know how ponies gossip. Stop it!”

“Come on, Daddy, buy me a sweet treat. I trained hard today.”

“There is no way, I am in anyway, related to a dummy like you.”

“If all things are possible, you must be my Grandpa. Tell me Grandpa, what was Discord like as a pup?”

“In my day, we respected our elders.”

“Wow, Discord respected my Grandpa, coooool.”

“Your last day of training will not go well for you, Dummy.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Grey performed a pro forma bow, “Thank you teacher for this day of training. Please, be well.”

Grey bounced off toward the forest. Cranky stomped off home.

Ponies in the town square were speechless.

The Great And Powerful Grey

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Nothing’s impossible if you just put your mind to it.
--Oz.

Visible in the centre of the Everfree Forest, is a crescent shaped scar. It is a scar as it is not Everfree. It is situated in an open grassy field, a place where the larger Everfree creatures-monsters teach their young to fly. At the south end, close to the river, Princess Luna has dropped a small palace. A solitary, common earth pony stands guard.

Through several of Luna's challenges and Alicorn-fired miracles, this ordinary pony has grown into a Knight of the Guard of Equestria. Yet, he prefers to sleep outside the palace, under a tree.

One evening, Luna emerged out of the palace and strolled down the field. Since she was not flying, Grey understood that he was meant to follow her. Luna arrived at the end of the field with Grey following behind and to her left. They started on the trail to Ponyville then suddenly they had arrived at the end of the road entering town. Grey presumed that such things happened through magic. It was apparent by the noise that Ponyville was in the midst of the Nightmare Night celebration.

Luna stopped and turned to Grey. Something settled on his head and back. He was confused; was it a big purple hat, and a cloak or, a cape? Luna smiled and said. “There you go. You’re all set.”

“No big entrance this year, Princess?”

"I dislike routine. This Nightmare Night I plan to sneak up behind ponies and enjoy their reaction."

They walked to the centre of Ponyville and stopped in front of the town hall.

“This is your post for tonight. You will stand guard here until further notice.” Princess Luna spotted a young colt in a home-made pirate outfit. “You! Squeak of the Pip, did I not see that costume last year? To use the same disguise in sequential celebrations, is a breach of Nightmare Night etiquette. You are in so much trouble! I shall devour your tail and your candy, not necessarily in that order!” Pipsqueak squealed with delight and ran away with Luna scampering after him.

Grey was surprised. She's having fun! I've never seen this side of her. Why is she showing me this? Is this a lesson?

He accepted that it wasn’t a bad spot to be because he could see most of the activities and games. Just like when I lived here, in the background.

Ponies walking by smiled or snickered at Grey. Once the townsfolk became accustomed to him being there, they laughed out loud. Some ask Grey to do a trick. He wrongly assumed they meant trick, as in ‘trick or treat’.

Pinkie Pie bounced up to him. “Oh! I have just the right accoutrement thingie for your costume.” She ran to the Cake’s bakery and returned in a pink streak. She had a small blue birthday party hat with an elastic string which she put on Grey’s forehead.

“Pinkie, what is this costume?”

“You don’t know? Ha ha! that’s so funny.”

“I hate the hat. What is it?”

Applejack overheard Grey's comment and gave him the one eye stare. “What was that now? You hate hats.”

“No, not yours. Just this one.”

Pinkie smirked. “He doesn’t know about Trixie.”

“Ha ha! That is funny. Serves you right hat hater.”

“Applejack, you’re the honest one, you must tell me.”

“I ain’t a have to do any such thing. Come on Pinkie, let’s get come candy apples.”

Grey shouted “Can you bring me back one?” But they acted as if they were out of ear shot.

By this time there was candy everywhere. There was one oval piece just out of reach. Grey leaned forward trying to get it with his teeth. A small foal watched. “Hey kid, I dropped my treat, can you pass it to me?” The foal just stood there chewing.

Rainbow Dash emerged from the shadows. “No pony gets candy for being rude. Why don’t you pick it up?”

“I don’t want it. It’s not good for you. There are no dentists in the Everfree Forest.”

“You can’t move, can you? Ha ha, loser.”

“I’m a special guard pony. I can do anything I want. I can even talk while on duty. See.”

Grey lifted each leg one at a time. “I can go anywhere I want.”

“Ha ha! wait ‘til I tell everypony.”

“No, don’t, please! comeback, who is Trixie?”

The Cutie Mark Crusaders came over dressed as the Musketeers.

“What’s ya doin?”

“I am standing guard at my post.”

“That’s not a scary costume. You’d think someone from the Everfree Forest would have a better outfit. What do you think of Nightmare Night?”

“I live in the forest of the monsters. Nothing scares me.”

“Oh yah. Remember when we gave you that makeover and you couldn’t do thing one to prevent it.” Sweetie Belle reminded him.

Scootaloo interrupted, “Sir Grey, can you teach us how to sword fight?”

“Sure, just give me a mouthful of candy from each of your bags.”

“Why haven’t you gotten any?” Asked Apple Bloom.

“I have to stand guard here. I can’t move.”

“Wait, if you can’t move how are you going to teach us how to sword fight?”

“I’ll talk you through it.”

Apple Bloom mumbled, “His big mouth full of our candy. Too expensive. Let’s go.”

“Come closer, I promise not to bite you, much.”

“Your costume requires some lipstick, don't ya think?” Sweetie Belle levitated a small red tube towards Grey's face. He let a low growl escape his throat.

The mane on the backs of the girls’ necks rose. “Not cool, Grey.” They said in unison.

“He’s being bad. Let’s go tell Fluttershy.” The girls decided.

Twilight Sparkle and Spike came over. "This is just too precious.”

Spike added, “I heard he can’t move ether.”

“Spike, please remember to bring the camera with us on our next circuit around town. I only ever saw tourists taking pictures with guard ponies. But now, I want some goofy photographs of Sir Jerk and myself. I’m going to make faces at you while Spike takes the picture and there’s not a thing you can do about it.”

Grey decided not to counter with a face joke and asked, “Twilight, what's with all the purple hats and costumes?”

“It's the theme this year. Group costumes, the six of us are The Mysterious Mare Do Wells. The purple is just a coincidence. Come along Spike, time for candy.”

“I hate purple,” muttered Grey.

Twilight swooshed her blue, purple and rose streaked tail at his face as she turned away.

Rarity saw this and came over to explain. “Sir Grey, I’m so sorry everypony is being mean to you tonight. Allow me to tell you the story of The Great and Powerful Trixie…

Grey said. “Wow, Twilight is smart and powerful. No wonder she doesn’t think much of me.”

“That is simply not true. She’s your friend.”

“I’m sorry, I can't get past that.”

The gang of Mysterious Mare Do Wells came over and began to tease Grey. “Show us some magic oh great and powerful one.”

Fluttershy stomped her hoof silently, “I’m sorry everypony please stop teasing my poor boyfriend.” She smiled shyly. “I was hoping that was my job. Grey, have you been paid yet? I need some money for the charity kissing booth. Big Macintosh is working there and I’m out of bits. Unless you want to go for a walk with me, alone?”

“Fluttershy, I thought you stayed in your cottage all Nightmare Night.”

“Um, I do, usually, but every year is different. This time we are all heroes together and it is um, good bravery practice for me. The charity is for orphaned animals. The best charity ever!”

“So, I would be giving you money so you could go kiss Big Mac and then you get the money back because it is your charity. I’d think this is the best teasing game ever, if I wasn’t in the middle of it.”

Luna noticed the large group of ponies gathering around Grey. “Guard pony, why is it wherever you go, there is chaos. Perhaps I chose the wrong costume for you. Come along, I’m taking my leave.”

“No.” Fluttershy blushed. “I'm sorry, Grey, stay and have some candy then we can be alone for a little while.”

Luna smiled at Fluttershy and she smiled at her hooves. She spoke to Fluttershy, “Guard pony, you are with me, let us depart.”
“I’m sorry.” Fluttershy pawed the ground. “I just remembered I have some mad money squirreled away I can use at the kissing booth. Big Mac is so handsome today.” The crowd went “Wooooo.”

“What an interesting set of circumstances, guard pony. You seem conflicted by your duty to your princess and your love. What ever are you going to do?”

Why didn’t the Everfree forest eat me when it had the chance? Think! Use the costume. Be that unicorn. Grey closed his eyes and frowned. Wrinkling his face and gritted his teeth, his lips pulled back as his head tilted. Please, Luna, can you hear me? I give you permission to read my thoughts. Please help me. Do something. Make me disappear or invisible. Please get me out of here.

The paper birthday hat on Grey’s forehead glowed. Grey disappeared in a flash of light and sparkles, and then appeared at the far end of the crowd. “You! You saved me? You hate me!”
Twilight answered. “Of course I saved you. And I don't hate anypony. I saw how mean they were being and I understood your plan and I’d thought it would be funny. And I have a plan.” Twilight whispered in Grey’s ear.

Grey walked through the crowd of astonished ponies sans costume. “Hey everypony, did I miss anything? Fluttershy, my most beautiful girlfriend.” He kissed her several times. “Sorry I’m still not kissed out even after working the kissing booth all night. Did you like my Big Macintosh disguise? Applejack, you didn’t get a kiss. Mmmmchwaaa!”

“Phffff, yuk.” She whipped her mouth with her fetlock. “That were ’n three types of gross.”

“Love the hat by the way.”

When Luna and Grey had left town, “Before you become too full of yourself, I know precisely what happened. I know who helped you win that teasing game.” She said.

Grey answered smugly, “I have absolutely no idea what you mean, my princess. You know I have never won a teasing game. My princess wished me to be a unicorn so I became one.”

“It is an established fact that ponies of Equestrian Guard do not tell lies.”

“Again I have no idea what you mean. And did I not see you in line at Big Mackintosh’s kissing booth?”

“Another obvious falsehood.” Luna’s voice was sweet as candy, “Everypony knows that princesses do not stand in line.”

How To Train Your Alicorn

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So remember those who win the game
lose the love they sought to gain
In debentures of quality and dubious integrity.
—At Seventeen, Janis Ian

The grass was well worn where Grey trained. Princess Luna stood at the north end of the dry patch of lawn, observing everything. Initially, she watched from the veranda, occasionally looking up from her music practice. This pattern was a metaphor of Grey’s life and it was vital that he understand it. Grey’s forms always began with a respectful salutation to the earth, the living creatures and to the heavens. This pattern added a welcome for the arrival of the first full moon of the year.

The initial section was slow and tranquil. The movements were fundamental, basic and methodical. This was the place of stored energy. There was purity, posture and preparation. The battlefield application was severe, cold and aesthetic. There was nothing for Luna to correct.
Then the tempo changed. The movements were very different than the rest of the pattern. Here Grey was dancing, jumping and kicking like a newborn foal. Double hind kicks in great arcs. Spins and cartwheels. It appeared that gravity didn't affect his techniques. Grey flew through the air, hooves first. He jumped over invisible weapons and landed solidly, already attacking imaginary opponents.

Then the pattern changed into something logical. Grey moved as if on uneven ground, yet never looking at his hooves. Visualizing a perfect jump solution before it happened. His forms were no longer dances, following pre-set steps. In his mind, Grey’s opponents were real and deadly. Passion was his reward.

The dynamics changed once again.

He did his best to get through the last quarter of the pattern. Here, he was required to address the problems given to him by Luna in order to move on to the next attack or to counter. To anticipate by adapting to what he had learned in the previous three sections. Grey jumped and kicked and twisted, but he just wasn't achieving it. Luna's patience had a limit.

“I had hoped you could push through this. I see now that your mind is full of downy pink and yellow feathers.”

Grey objected, “I'm good, really. My mind is incredibly focused when I do this. It feels good to be free of distractions.”
“Let's change this exercise to something more dynamic, shall we? It’s time to meet the Dragon Lady.”

Grey piped up, “Oh, she sounds nice.”

He followed Luna into the Everfree Forest. She didn't take a path, Luna made one. She pushed the forest with the dome of her telekinetic magic with exact precision and let a willow branch fly. It whipped Grey across the muzzle.

“Whoopsies, do mind the bushwhacking.”

He rubbed his nose. “Why do ponies say that after the fact? I mean, thank you, Princess.”

Luna's deep violet coat shimmered in long lines. Grey let some distance grow between them. The streaks of refracted light became jagged. The edges of light on her fleece gave the appearance of gleaming overlapping violet petals. Then scales.

“Art thou checking out the Royal flank? We shall tell your girl.”

The tip of Luna's tail whooshed by Grey’s face. It was a cobalt crystal mace with sharp edged craters like a small jeweled moon. “Tell Us, what technique was that?”

Grey caught his breath. “Circular, slower than straight.”

“Correct, but my tail can also be used in a straight technique. As, say, a hammer, to hammer you into the dust. Proper etiquette dictates that I inform my challenger, to be absolutely fair. You have been warned.” A fog was rising. Luna continued, “There are many forms of dragon’s breath. This is simply a mist. I am in the form of an adolescent dragon, thus we are equally matched to you, Guard Pony. To win this game, push the red button.”

“Button, button, who's got the button? I don't get it.”

“If equally matched, we can offer battle.”

“Have you been studying The Art of War as I have requested?”

“Just started. You're right, Princess, I’ve been daydreaming a lot lately.”

“All war is based in deception.”

“If you lose this challenge, I shall deposit your ashes in an envelope and slide it under Fluttershy’s door.”

“Sorry Princess, but ashes go in the compost.”

“Yes, let us keep up this delightful banter. I do so enjoy your quick wit and clever comebacks. Let’s keep them coming, shall we.”

The fog was now shoulder height.

Grey lost sight of Luna for a moment. “I've been reading the book you requested, I'm up to the part about chariots and walled cities. Am I a puller or a rider?”

“Thou art an idiot if you think I haven't mastered this art of war. And I know you are not an idiot, even though thou speaketh as one.”

He knew that her Royal Canterlot voice was also a warning. Grey saw her dragon self. Beautiful and deadly. Scales of sapphire. Facial spikes that would slice an opponent to pieces at a slight twitch of her head. One crystal scale on her breast was raised. It was propped up by a rusted, bent sword. Her exposed flesh was inflamed and red.

A vine went fisst.

“Oh dear, was that a needle shooter? They usually shoot needles no higher than knee height. I do hope it didn't get you any higher, say groin height. Oh, your poor girlfriend if it did. It's not lethal, but it does smart. Does it not?”

Grey bit the thorn that was embedded in his right foreleg. He pulled and spit it out. His leg was swelling quickly and it ached when he put weight on it.

The fog had dissipated a little. Grey could see the ground but nothing past the trees near him.

You want me to talk and give away my position. I don’t think so. Needle shooters have long thin leaves. I have learned and adapted as I should have in the last part of the pattern.

He pushed his way through some sagebrush. “Hnggggg!”

Grey’s facial muscles twitched in agony. He had touched something that burned his left jaw. The salt tears rolling across his face over the mark increased his pain.

Luna’s voice surrounded him, “Oh my. What was that? I didn’t hear a vine shooter. Your response to touching something? A broken ink vine, perhaps? The sap from that vine will leave a blue scar that will never heal. I had hoped that you could handle your way through the Everfree Forest. Perhaps this challenge was too much for you. Do you wish to admit defeat and accept punishment?”

“No thanks, Toots.”

“Snort! Toots? Oh, I see. You wish to anger me so I would reveal my position. And since I make the rules, I shall penalize you for your insolence by making this dragon form one decade more mature.”

“If she is in superior strength, evade her.”

But you did reveal yourself. I saw a small flame and your voice wasn’t thrown, hidden or disguised this time. I could tell where you are. And if you’re bigger you won’t be so stealthy walking through the forest. Now all I need is a plan and a way to implement said plan. Yah, that’s all. Sigh.

I can hear you circling me. You know my position. If you circle I remain still. If you stop, I move. Basic sparring strategy. I must distract you, somehow. I know you've shown me a partial answer, yet I must be original. I know I am fighting for my life and I feel so alive!

Grey gathered all the dry leaves he could find and three strong vines. He tied the vines to willow branches with slip knots. The centre of each branch was tucked behind a stump or tree so it would release in an arc across the ground. He laid out the leaves and staggered across them. The plan was to make as much noise as he could.

Crunch. Crunch-crunch-crunch.

Princess Luna took the bait. “Oh, what an interesting limp you have there, Sir Grey. Please, remain where you are. I shall be there in an instant to ‘take care’ of you.”

Sapphire Crystal Dragon Luna crashed through the forest. Grey faced her. She slowed her advance when she saw him standing still in a clearing with the dry leaves between them.

“Is this surrender? Why do you stay? What trap could you possibly set for Us? Leaves over a hollow. Art thou serious? Behold, my wings are twice as wide as that pathetic pit. Hum, do you want me to walk on your leaves? I can fly or levitate over any hole you dug. And, come to think of it, I did not hear you digging. What failed stratagem is this?”

Grey kicked the slipknot by his hoof. The vine snapped and whorled through the underbrush.

Luna maintained eye contact with Grey. The second vine snapped. Luna turned her ear to the sound and inhaled.

He galloped at her.

The third vine snapped releasing a willow branch that slapped Luna across her upper hind leg. She turned her head enough to roar flames at it. She continued to exhale a blue jet back to Grey but he was under her flare. He jumped and threw himself at her breast. As he did, the sword hidden beneath the scale was driven into her beating heart.

Walking back to the palace, Grey repeatedly apologized profusely for hurting her.

“Please stop being so repentant. You won the challenge. You did not injure me; in fact it was a delightful surprise. Immortals live for surprises and I was prepared in the unlikely event that you were victorious." She winked at him. "Perhaps you could not mention how you won this challenge, for the sake of national security or some other balderdash.”

"Is it safe to ask how many ponies passed this challenge?"

"Mmm. There are some things thou dost not wish to know. The willow branch across the scale has not been the best answer in the past. Thou did well. You are free to leave and see your Fluttershy.”

Grey trembled, “Still, if I hurt you in any way. I touched your royal personage. I hit you and drove a sword into your heart. I was flippant. I broke so many rules of etiquette. I am so sorry.”

“As I so often explain, for an Alicorn, it is all a matter of moving molecules around. And as it was with your little ‘toots’ comment, you will always know instantly when you break a rule important to Us.” Luna nickered, “No guard pony has ever had the courage to call me that. Let me look at you.” She held Grey’s face, pulling the ink vine wound. “This is of vital importance. We are created to remember the bad so we can save ourselves when predators attack again. We end up remembering only the pain and it haunts us. Yes, I said us. We must force ourselves to remember the sweet. We have no mental scar to show for happiness. I order you to meditate on each good thing that happens to you in a day, for five minutes in that day. Now be gone!”

Grey summoned the last of his courage, “Will all due respect, I want to finish this form. I see it for what it is, and now I think I can finish it. The challenge and pain have given me focus. This pattern, it’s the four seasons right? Each part is different in that way. I couldn’t make the transition to autumn.”

Luna sighed to herself. Autumn is the place of wisdom. By no fault of your own, you're not there yet. That is why you had trouble with this section. You should be more concerned that you so easily understood that winter is the place of death. Another clue. I’m starting to wish that you understood some of the clues. Whatever will you be like when you find the answer to the Great Secret? The key that unlocks the doors to wisdom, happiness and truth. You will not be the same creature that entered the storm I created for you, and, I shall miss you.

/]*[\

Grey knocked on Fluttershy’s door. She answered at the second story window holding several red eyed and runny nosed bunnies in a towel. Her mane was partially tucked in a kerchief and she was trying to wipe noses and juggle several baby bottles at the same time.

“I'm sorry I’m late, Fluttershy. I had the honour of training with Princess Luna herself today.” He hoped the excuse would impress her.

“I'm sorry, too, Grey. Can't you see that the bunnies have the snuffles? And the other animals are not healthy, as well. The cottage is under quarantine because of bunny influenza. Oh Grey, what happened to your back?”

“I got singed at work today. I have a great story to tell you.”

“I'm sorry. I feel you let me down. I was counting on you, and now I'm overwhelmed. I can't cope with you and all the poor sick animals. Go away! Go see Twilight!” She closed the window as firmly as she could.

Twilight Sparkle! I have to go see her? Fluttershy didn't even say ‘if that's all right’. This is bad.

Grey hung his head and limped over to the Golden Oak Library.

He knocked at the door and Spike opened it.

Hello Spike. What would you think of me if I told you that I stabbed a dragon in the heart today?

Spike and Grey studied each other for a moment.

Twilight waited for a response from Spike. Hearing none, she came over. “Hello Grey. Oh my, what happened?”

“Luna burned me a little, but that's not what's hurting. Fluttershy sent me away, and I don't know why.” He walked to the centre of the library and stood at attention.

“Oh, this will give me a chance to use one of my healing spells. Spike, take a note. The way to heal burns is to age the skin. In this case, I will age Grey’s damaged skin a few days.” She examined his back. “Oh, my word. This is a third degree burn. Perhaps you should go to the hospital. I’ve never treated anything this serious.”

“Fluttershy saw it and sent me here. I must follow her last instructions to me.”

Spike asked Grey, “Doesn’t it hurt?”

Twilight intercepted his answer, “Third degree burns are full thickness burns. His nerve endings are destroyed. Except around the burn, where I bet it hurts a lot.”

“It does, but Fluttershy’s words hurt more.”

“What happened to your face?”

Grey snapped, “What happened to yours!”

Twilight froze in shock at the unfriendliness and vehemence in his words.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I got teased a lot growing up, and that was just a reflex. Sorry. I touched a broken ink vine with my stupid face. They leave a painful blue scar. I don't care about that. Why did she send me to you? Not for the healing; I could've gone to the hospital. Why you? Are you my punishment?”

“What? No. What's going on?” Twilight’s horn glowed as she surrounded Grey with a coat of purple magic. His blisters and charred skin softened and a few hairs sprouted from the blackened flesh.

Grey’s skin loosened and he relaxed. “She sent me away;” He sniffed, “And she sent me to you. Fluttershy dumped me! I don't care about the physical pain. The heart pain is so much worse. To answer your question, I got burned at work, training.”

“Oh, training with Luna?”

“Oh, crap. I am so dense. Fluttershy must have been frightened and upset by Luna’s power over me. What have I done? “

“Have you ever considered that you’re overanalyzing the situation? Celestia says, intelligent ponies have doubts because we can see more possibilities. While foals rush in, et cetera. You're not an idiot.”

Grey ground his teeth. “That's twice today I was called ‘not an idiot’. You over-estimate my intelligence, Ms. Royal University of Canterlot. I felt so alive training with Luna. My life was on the line, and as you can see, she wasn’t holding back. Even when I thought I might not survive, I felt high as a kite. And now, I’m low as possible.”

“Ever since I first saw her I imagined, okay I fantasized, that she liked me. I sang with Ponyville ponies we smiled together as a politeness. Then they all went home. I was left alone, standing in the dark. Alone again, naturally. My life was dull and miserable. You can't possibly fathom what it's like every day, fighting, fighting hard not to...” Grey turned his head away and whispered so she couldn't hear, “...fighting not to end my own existence. For a very short time the most beautiful pony ever, liked me. The heroes of Equestria acknowledged my existence. My great princess granted me this one happiness. I feel such agony right now because Luna granted me such happiness. I understand the extremes. That must be the lesson. I am grateful beyond words. I have never been so alive as I have been in the forest of the monsters.”

“Today I was a knight that slayed a dragon for her. Holy manure.”

“Language please. This is still a library and my home.”

“Did Luna know what she was doing? Of course she did. I slayed Dragon Luna for Fluttershy, and, and I screwed it up by staying late and training even when she told me I was done. Luna is massively intelligent. She must have known.”

“What are you looking for?”

“I used to sit on the floor over there and read and hide. Now I want to lie down in my old hiding spot and cry. But I won’t cry in front of you. Go ahead, call me prideful.”

“There is no shame in crying after a breakup. It’s stallion stubbornness I can’t comprehend. Not everything is a challenge, especially relationships. I can't believe Luna would do that.”

“I was hollow without friendship and it was an honour to meet you heroes. Gak, now I'm gushing to you, my least favourite pony.” Grey gulped his tea. “You’re a girl, right?”

“Thank you for noticing.” Twilight was indignant.

Spike was still taking notes of everything said. “Please stop! You two are so alike, yet, you keep trying to pain each other every chance you get. You two need to be kind to each other for a change.”

Grey turned and looked at Spike, “I’m sorry; you’re right and very observant. Twilight, you really should give him some credit.”

“I do, thank you. As for you, Spike, it’s bedtime.”

“Yes!” Spike pumped his fist, threw his notebook at the writing desk and ran upstairs.

“Twilight, my point was, as a girl, have you read any stories where the guy loves the girl more than the girl loves the guy?”

“I was about to utter a platitude.”

“The tired old chestnut, ‘It's better to have loved and lost’?”

“That may be your situation. Mine is more like the owner of a lonely heart is better off than the owner of a broken heart. But then I say, try it! Live it!”

They tapped hooves.

“Do you have anything stronger than tea to drink?”

“No, and it wouldn’t help. That’s a cliché anyway.”

“I don’t even know how to drink. It’s what ponies do in this situation isn’t it? I wanted to tell Fluttershy that I fought Luna and won. I love telling her my stories and listening to her animal stories. Few things make me smile like funny animals. Now it hurts to smile. I wanted to make her feel good by saying that I beat Luna. Remember the time I fought Crystal Dragon Luna? That was going to be my thing. It may be the highlight of my life. I almost died. I have stories to tell, but nopony cares. Fluttershy dumped me all because the bunnies had the stupid sniffles and I wasn't there for her. She didn't trust me enough to help her.That was supposed to be my job, my life. I failed her.”

“Snuffles,” Twilight corrected. “It’s a serious contagious bacterial disease among the leporid.”

“You mean it wasn't a Fluttershy word?” Grey's ears flattened.

“No, it wasn’t, you're just ignorant. As in, you lack knowledge. Don't get mad, again.”

He pulled his ears back, and then sighed. “I respect you heroes of Equestria because you never boast. I wanted to brag to Fluttershy. I'm humbled by your modesty.”

Twilight slid her hoof across the table closer to Grey’s. “So, my brother is captain of the Royal Guard of Canterlot.”

Grey let his head fall so it hit the table, “Of course he is.”

“He's getting married next week.”

“And who...”

“Whom,” Twilight corrected.

“...whom, is he marrying?”

“Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire.”

“Princess Cadance, the new Alicorn. Of course.” Grey sat up and let his head fall and hit the table again. “And I am a captain of one. A honourary title at best. You are so elite and so far removed from me.”

“Both you and Flutershy are invited. If all is well by that time. If not, perhaps you’d like to go with me?”

Twilight’s words didn't register with Grey. “What do I do? My back hurts, my leg hurts, and my face hurts, but my heart aches. I stabbed Luna in the heart today. I’ll bet it didn’t feel this bad. I wanted to tell Fluttershy that. And why on earth did she send me to you? What do you rely on in times like this?”

Twilight Sparkle sang:

♫ I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;♪

Grey:

♫ I am shielded in my armour,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.♪

Together:

♫ I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island…
And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries…♪

They made eye contact.

Grey stomped, “No! No more self-indulgence. I almost die every time I get close to that stuff. It’s more deadly than Nightmare Moon in a bad mood. And I am under direct orders from her not to go near my own sadness. I will follow her anywhere. The only time I’m not thinking about Fluttershy is when I’m training hard. So, I will train like noponie’s business and forget about her, and this companionship nonsense. The Everfree Forest keeps me so alert and so aware, I don’t have time for distractions like that. There is a type of grass that will cut right through my hoof if I don’t see it in time. I have two options: One: Spike Discord and I rent a batchers’ pad in Canterlot, or Two: I get fresh water for the chickens. They must have fresh water daily or they’ll get sick too.”

“Where will you sleep?”

“In Ponyville, wherever I lay my head is home. It’s the only place I can get the deep sleep.”
The earth pony leaned back in his chair:

♫...and the earth becomes my throne
I adapt to the unknown
Under wandering stars I've grown
By myself but not alone
I ask no one
...and my ties are severed clean
The less I have the more I gain
Off the beaten path I reign
Rover wanderer
Nomad vagabond
Call me what you will
Anywhere I may roam
Where I lay my head is home…♪

“That’s beautiful, Twilight remarked.

“It’s a song I sing to myself whenever the Black Sad I feel crushes my face into the dirt. I am honour bound to take care of the animals Fluttershy can’t. The chickens always need fresh water. The outside animals need care. Fluttershy’s yard is a mess and I assume she can't leave her cottage when it's under quarantine. I will do my duty, then move on, again. Honour is all I have. Duty and honour. Then I will return to the forest. And only come out when my princess orders it. So when you see me again, I will be on duty and unable to speak. You’ll like that. Thank you for fixing my burns and listening. Maybe that’s why I was sent here. For you to be a sounding board for me.”

Grey bowed to Twilight as he got up, then again at the door. He walked out into the night.

Twilight Sparkle sang:

♫Owner of a lonely heart
Much better than - a
Owner of a broken heart♪

Spike ran down the staircase. “No, no. Not the songs, not the bad songs. Not the sad songs. I know I just said a song too.”

Twilight sang what Spike said:

♫Don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better!♪

“I just tried to steal my best friend’s boyfriend. You see, I am a bad friend. I failed as a friend. I failed at friendship.”

“I thought they broke up?” Spike queried.

“That doesn’t sound like the way Fluttershy would breakup with anypony. They’re both inexperienced at this relationship stuff. But look who’s talking. I wonder what he’ll be like once he's figured his life all out.”

Spike said, “Like all those other guard ponies that look down at me and snort. “Did he really stab Luna in the Heart?”

“I doubt that’s possible. He was probably trying to use it as a metaphor. The way he talked about loneliness, Grey really got me with that. I failed a major friendship trial.”

“Not really. He was too dumb to see and who wants a dumb boyfriend anyway. You both like tests, right? You were testing him and you both passed.”

“Oh Spike, I'm fine. I just want a day off.”

“No, I’ve outlawed it. I can't lose you for a day or two like Canterlot. Bad things happen when you’re in bed all day. We're in Ponyville now. You’re one of the heroes of Equestria; you’re needed. It's better here. You have so many friends. Let's have a Pinkie Pie party?”

Spike dug through a trunk and pulled out a long coat. “Let's dance like in the old days. You don’t want that stupid guard pony. We talked about this. You are going to find your prince.”

“Oh, Spike, I failed a major friendship test. What could be lower? I must take the honourable path and tell her.”

♫You - lose yourself
No not for pity's sake
There's no real reason to be lonely
Be yourself
Give your free will a chance
You've got to want to succeed♪

“See Spike, I’m better now.”

“No. No you’re not. Not when you say ‘for pity’s sake’ like that. I don’t want to lose you for a day of indulgence, a day of self-indulgence, a day of being gone in bed. Princess Celestia says ‘bed is a trap that you must avoid’. Your ‘catatonic state of being’ as she calls it. I feel as if your dead and it terrifies me so much. I, I cry when your gone. I hate it. You deserve better than a guard pony. If that dumb guard pony can avoid his own sadness, you can too. You deserve your prince!”

Spike floated in his long coat and feathered hat.

“I just need a day off, is all.”

“No. I forbid it. "The baby dragon cried," I can’t lose you again. Life is better here, we have friends here. If you spend a day or two in bed, not talking, not moving, it’s like you’re gone or worse. Dance with me, please.”

Twilight’s horn glowed and Spike was raised off the floor. A large hat with a long feather landed on his head. He floated in Twilight’s magic and they danced.

“Oh Spike, I’m okay. Oh Spike, let me hug you. Oh Spike. Oh Spike.” Twilight held him tight and sobbed.

/]*[\

The windows opened and birds flew out. As the pet door opened, the small dogs and cats ran to fresh air and freedom. Several inquisitive bunnies moved out, sniffing the air. The last few back-peddled, as if they were being pushed. The door opened a crack. Grey walked cautiously over. Fluttershy grabbed him around the neck and pulled him in.

“I'm sorry, but you broke quarantine, you naughty pony. You know I was watching you fix the kitty coops and the doggie houses. I saw you cleaning the yard, all muscly ‘n stuff. Do you know what that does to a girl? Now I’m going to have to nurse a sick boyfriend all day. Are you feeling any symptoms?”

“Well yes, I do feel a little weak in the knees.”

“Oh, I'm so sorry I was playing a thank you game for helping around the yard. Now I really made you sick!”

“No, no. I'm just playing along and I think I love this game.”

“Well, I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I made some chicken noodle soup for you. If that's all right.”

“What?”

“Chicken bathwater soup. It has super healing qualities. And I’m going to feed it to you. What is this mark?”

Grey touched the left side of his face. “My new scar from the Everfree Forest. I’m going to use it to remind me of happy times like this. I have a scar for happiness. But it hurts when I smile.”

“Poor baby. I’m sorry; I may have to teach you how to kiss all over again.”

Grey raised his eyebrows looking hopeful. “So, we didn’t break-up?”

“Where did you get such a silly notion? Did that naughty Twilight Sparkle put that idea in your noggin? I hope she didn’t make a pass at you.”

“What? No! She hates me.”

Ian, Janis. At Seventeen. Between the Lines, vinyl. 1974, Columbia Records.
Sun Szu, The Art of War, edited with a foreword by James Clavell (New York: Dell Publishing, 1983), p. 16.
Ibid. p. 11
Ibid. p. 11
Simon & Garfunkel. I Am A Rock. Sounds of Silence, vinyl. 1965, Columbia.
Metallica. Wherever I May Roam. Metalica, vinyl. 1992, Elektra.
Yes. Owner of a Lonely Heart. 90125, vinyl. 1983, Atco.
Beatles. Hey Jude. 7” single. 1968, Apple.
Yes. Owner of a Lonely Heart. 90125, vinyl. 1983, Atco.

The Mule

View Online

The clown’s eyes sidled towards her, then drew away quickly.
“But they kept me away from you earlier-and, on my word,
you may laugh, but I was lonely for missing friendship.”
“Excellence, he is known as the Mule.
He is spoken of little, in a factual sense, but I have gathered the scraps and fragments of
knowledge and winnowed out the most probable of them.
He is apparently a man of neither birth nor standing.
His father, unknown. His mother, dead in childbirth. His upbringing, that of a vagabond.
His education, that of the tramp worlds, and the backwash alleys of space.
He has no name other than that of the Mule, a name reportedly applied by himself to himself, and signifying, by popular explanation, his immense physical strength, and stubbornness of purpose.”
― Isaac Asimov, Foundation and Empire.

Here I sit. I have come to sit and think but instead I shi...

No. No vulgar outhouse humour on my new magic slate. My retirement gift. My gift for a lifetime of service to Her Majesty and The Guard.

I wonder what will happen if I write...

I was a spy for the Equestrian Guard.
I was a spy for the Equestrian Guard.
I was a spy for the Equestrian Guard.
I was a spy for the Equestrian Guard.

Well, there it is. I can write obscenities but not secrets. But what to compose? ‘Write what you know. Failing that, Blog’, they said as they slapped me on the back, at my secret retirement party of a few, acquaintances. So, here I go.

Here I sit in the Warriors’ Tavern also known as The Draco Tavern. A hole in the wall that’s precise location isn't exact. Sawdust on the floor. Furniture that’s been in more than a few barroom brawls. Father and son bartenders with the same name, Draco. The owners-bartenders have been called Draco for centuries. The reason, the truth lost in time.

I sit in my corner observing all, as is my practice and was my trade. I drink one of the two choices, pony ale, or that gut rot they brew back on their farm. Like being kicked in the head with a lemon slice wrapped around a golden horseshoe. But that's just my biased opinion.

Ho oh, what new hell is this? A grey pony just trotted in. I’ve never seen him before, and I spend a lot of time here now. Allow me to describe. Young male earth pony. A little on the slender side if he's a new grad. Earth ponies usually put on a bit more muscle mass from boot camp. Very alert, eyes and ears perked. Walks up to bartender, like an old joke. They stare at each other.

“A hem, hello. Princess Luna sent me here.”

“So what. Do you have a delivery, a message?”

“No, I was just sent here.”

“Again I say, so bucking what?”

“She said, for the friendship experience.”

“What's that on your face?”

“It's an ink-vine scar, sir.”

“Can the ‘sir’, shave tale. Aren’t you going to ask me about my scars?”

“No, I'm just here because Luna sent me.”

“So, you follow orders blindly do you? Here's what following orders did for me!” Draco whacks his wooden table leg on the bar and turns his face to show the scars streaked across the side of his face.

You’re going to hate yourself, earth pony, when you find out that a unicorn fooled you without magic. That wooden leg is a table leg the Dracos’ use to club unruly patrons. Rumour has it that those scars are from one of their stills blowing up.

Draco sighs, “Do you have any money?”

“No.”

Another sigh, cheap bastard that he is.

“First one’s on the house.” Unprecedented! Where was my free drink the first time I was allowed in here? Draco or Draco Jr said I was lucky to be let in because I was a mule.

This will be rich, first sip of Draco’s pony ale. And he makes a sour face. For the uninitiated, pony ale tastes like strong bitter ginger beer with week old grass clippings. An acquired taste. A taste I have acquired after several thousand samplings.

Draco recites the rules. “No rank. No titles. No formalities. If you fight, you pay for the damage.”

The new pinhead looks around. He's interested in the old crap on the walls. He likes looking at the group pictures, the comradery. Do you miss it, pony? Or, have you ever been part of it? Dead faces stare back at him. Lots of forgotten lore here. He twitches his tail, doesn't like his butt to the door. He’s had some training in awareness. There is hope for this one. But look at his eyes, not the wide eyed innocence of a rookie. No, not this one. He has the thousand furlong stare of the wounded. I’ve seen that look a hundred times here. But not on one so young. Damn my own eyes, I hate seeing it. Damaged by war or trauma so soon in your life? He looks around, but he looks quickly past me. Why? Not out of politeness. He flattened his ears when he saw me. I reason, his coat is grey but well brushed. His mark, that can't be original. Too detailed to be an original cutie mark. Five flowers, then seven flowers, then five again over three leaves; all in a circle. Changed by Luna? Why? Evidence so required. Polished coat, improved mark, can't make eye contact with a mule. Colour grey like a mule. Bastard! Literally a bastard. They called you that growing up didn't they, pony. Mule equals bastard in the vernacular of the flightless and magic-less. I know that sting well. If you had family they would have explained it to you and the word wouldn't have bothered you and you could look at me. Why would Luna want you? I know the answer even before I ask. Orphan bastards make the best warriors don't they? Don't we! Indispensable yet disposable. An army of us, undefeatable.

I recognize that mark now, thanks to my travels as a youth. It’s from the princess tree, a silvery-grey wood. Representing a high rank of the ancient government of the East. Again Why? Luna brought you up from nothing. To be a weapon? To wave a proverbial carrot in front of you at the right moment? Will Luna’s training make a monster of you? If I slit your throat from ear to ear later in the alley tonight how many lives will I save? My scent is on my blade. Luna will track me down and my hide will flap in the wind for meddling in her affairs.

It's not all sunshine and rainbows for those that work behind the scenes in the magical land of Equestria.

Princess Celestia, are you reading this? Is this diary-slate my confessional?

I must erase the last paragraph somehow.

He walks around, drinking in the history. If the Royal Canterlot Museum Society only knew what was here. War relics, bizarre trophies from forgotten campaigns. Shields signed by lost platoons. Regimental plaques of long forgotten troops. Meaningless flags covered in the dust of time.

Sarge and a new gang of rookies crash through the swinging doors. This is how fresh graduates typically act. In awe of the fabled place they heard about ever since starting at the Academy. The band gets their drinks and sits at a big round table. Considering the time of year and the fresh faces, I'd say they're here to scope out their after grad party. Another raucous night of noise, over-indulgence. Toasting each other with Draco’s fire water. At least there will be fresh sawdust on the floor come Monday after they shovel out the vomit soaked remnants.

The new pinhead continues to look around but he drifts closer to the group. He has an ear turned to the table. Why doesn’t he join his fellow grads? It’s as if they don’t know each other or the grey’s been outcast. The clique gives him the cold shoulder except for Sarge, the nice. He invites Pinhead to join them.

Introductions, manure, manure etc. The black pegasus is Shadow Mark. A light blue earth pony is Tug Boat. Another earth pony, Box Top. Obvious unicorn twins, with mismatched mane and coat colours. Stony Plain, male and sister, Spruce Grove.

The grey calls himself Grey. Good name for a mule. He asks, “The bartender said no titles?”

Sarge answers, “Ha ha, they hate it. Me upsetting the ancient rights with my name. My cutie mark, three stripes now take that Draco and Draco Jr., whichever is which. Tradition! When tradition is said, we toast!” Sarge slams his mug down on the table without spilling a drop. The young ones try to imitate him but they’re clumsy with their big tankards. I also follow the ritual and drink to tradition.

Sarge asks, “What brings you to the Warriors’ Tavern tonight, lad?”

“Luna sent me for the experience and probably to make some friends.”

Stony Plain asks, “Who are you? Are you from a FOB?”

“I'm not too sure what a fob is. My training is probably different from yours.”

Wrong answer, intruder! Ho oh, there's gonna be a fight!

The group sit in stunned silence trying to process something so bizarre as a guard pony that doesn't know what a Forward Operating Base is. In fact, being fresh out of the Academy, they are hyper-vigilant. The kids push themselves away from the table, scraping chair legs on the floor, and take their fighting stances; ready to attack the world’s worst spy. Seriously, an infiltrator would know a guard pony’s job better than a bunch of grads. The spy is not the life of the party or the one who wins every card game like in those Daring Do novels. The agent is the one that is so dreary he's invisible. How many times have I played the janitor leaning on my broom pretending to be asleep while taking in everything with my big ears? It's called ‘going grey’, another funny coincidence of the night.

Pinhead pulls his ears back. “I am Pr… I am Luna's Everfree Forest guard pony.”

Shadow Mark’s tone is harsh, “No such thing. I've never seen you around Canterlot, let alone the Academy. What class did you graduate in?”

“Sigh, I didn't. It's a long story.”

“That's what we like, long stories and drink!” Sarge is still in his chair and eager to throw back a few pints, as always. He's been waiting all week for his ale. Like most sergeants, he's also an instructor and will let the group reason things out.

Stony Plain continues to interrogate, “How can you be a guard if you didn't graduate from the Guard?”

“Luna gave me a series of challenges then knighted me. It does sound unbelievable as I say it.”

“That wasn't a long story.” Sarge corrects, looking at his ale.

Spruce Grove is more curious, “You live in a palace in the Everfree Forest?”

“No, I live outside. I guard the palace from the outside.”

Stony Plain remains sceptical, “I call bull manure. He's not a knight or a guard. He didn't graduate from the academy. Nothing normal can live in the Everfree Forest. He's trying to infiltrate us and the Guard.”

“Now, now.” Sarge calms the group, “He got through the doors security spell. No civilian or undergrad can walk in here, let alone find the place.” He motions the group to sit.

The one called Tug Boat is dismayed, “Ya mean he got knighted without having to attend all those endless lectures and brutal exams?”

“What did you study, me son?” Sarge asks.

“I studied the books Luna loaned me. I learned the forms Luna and others taught me. And I guess I passed enough of her challenges. She's very big on challenges.”

“Maybe he's a Boy Scout?” Shadow Mark tests.

“What does that mean? I could never afford to join.”

Sarge answers, “It means ‘goody four shoes’. He's implying you kissed Luna's flank to get knighted.”

“I can't imagine that ever working. She strongly dislikes the smallest of requests. Luna has made it abundantly clear that I need to work for everything I gain.”

“Is that why you live outside? You have to earn the right to sleep indoors?” Tug Boat offers.

“I vowed to guard her palace always, day and night. I can't be lazy or phoney when the Manticore is in a bad mood.”

“Oh! Luna has a pet Manticore? Can I see it sometime?” Spruce Grove asks.

He squirms. “No, no. This is how rumours get started.”

Sarge pulls Pinhead aside. The newbie’s education is about to be enhanced. He is going to hear the secret of the Guard.

“Listen up, me son. All the real learnin’ begins after you graduate. You’ve heard by now, the phrase, those who stand. It’s what us Guard Ponies do. It sounds simple enough. Wonderbolts mock us about it but only because they can’t do it. They have the attention span of a housefly. When the time comes, you stand your ground. You stand between your princess or your charge and danger. That’s it.”

Sarge turns back to the table. “Which one of you lot can tell our new friend our purpose?”

Spruce Grove, the clever looking unicorn answers. “To protect the borders and citizens of Equestria. To keep the peace and maintain the harmony and stability of the Equestrian way of life.”

“Clever lass. Now tell me, what is the difference between the Equestrian Guard and Her Princesses' Royal Guard?”
“The Royal Guard is a special detachment within the Equestrian Guard. The primary duty of the Royal Guard is to directly guard the Princesses in addition to guarding Equestria itself.”

“Guard the Princesses from what?” Sarge wipes his chin with his fetlock and waves for another ale.

The unicorn has lost some of her confidence. “Personal attacks, monsters, dragons. Assassination attempts from traitors or foreign invasions.”

“An Alicorn is troubled by neither dragons nor daggers. You lot will stand between your princess and harm. Attacks will come when least expected, say when she is in deep conversation with a visiting dignitary. That will give her time to assess the situation and react. When your time comes, and it will come for every one of you, you are a stopgap. Each of you will face a real threat in your career. Your mettle will be tested in the real world. And if you fall asleep on duty, you'll wake up with your legs missing and the princess looking down at you waiting for an explanation. Not to worry, Grads, whenever something big threatens Equestria, those six hero mares show up and save the day. Celestia bless them. Our job is more crowd control. And don't raise your snout to that. Ponies are not at the top of the food chain, as they say. We're a herd species and evolved being prey. Civilians panic at the drop of a hat or the sound of a braking glass. They stampede towards danger. They hide under parasols. They go fetal position in the middle of the road. We must get them out of harm’s way. Do you have anything to add, me son?”

“Anticipation,” the grey includes. “Luna says I need to anticipate her needs. I don't know how yet, but that's what she said. When in doubt, I offer tea. Luna has never objected to that.”

“For Celestia, it's cake and sweets, but everypony knows that.”

The band is no longer anxious. Their ears are no longer flattened. Fighting positions collapse and muscles relax. They’ve taken their seats and breathing returns to normal. The conversation takes a different turn.

Box Top raises his eyebrows, “Did you guys see Luna in that little white tennis outfit last week? Huba huba. I've never thought about older mares before but that was hot.”

Spruce Grove has her confidence back. “You guys are unbelievable. First of all, Luna is co-ruler of Equestria. Our princess, our co-commander. The mere thought is so incredibly unprofessional.” Yet, she has a smile at the corner of her mouth.

Tug Boat adds, “Isn’t Luna older than Canterlot? You guys are weird.”

Sarge explains the exchange to Pinhead, “This is the room of no rules, no rank. Free discussion about our calling and our missions. The drink helps relax and free the tongue. This is where we can express our feelings about our jobs away from the earshot of the public. You understand that we do not speak like this beyond this room. What do you say, Grey, would you ask Luna out on a date?”

He shakes his mane in disbelief, “She would either explode me on the spot or laugh at me every time she saw me.”
“Ha, ha. You’re exaggerating after only a half pint of ale. Luna is back and she is so sweet and relaxed and professional. The sisters rule Equestria as it was meant to be and all is right in the world.” Sarge sips his fresh ale.

“I think Luna's palace is her retreat from Canterlot. She kinda resented me at first. Is it okay to say that?”

“It is here, me son. Feels good don't it. When friends and family don't get us, we have our comrades and The Draco Tavern.”

“I'm going to miss the barracks and my poster.” Box Top sighs.

“Why don't you just marry that poster?” Spruce Grove teases.

“I would if I could. I don't think she'll survive me unpeeling her from the wall. I think wonder glue is magic proof. I can't find another anywhere. Not even in the old shops.”

Spruce Grove adds, “She's gone from being a fashion supermodel to one of the Heroes of Equestria. It was never appropriate.”

Why did the grey’s ears perk?

Shadow Mark states, “I won't miss the co-ed dorm. And having to be prim and proper for the mares all the time.”

Spruce Grove taps her hoof on the table, “You guys were never proper and you learned very few manners in dorm life. And I will certainly not miss your nocturnal noises.”

Sarge chuckles at the banter. “Do you have a girlfriend, Grey?”

“Yes, and I miss her terribly when we're apart.”

“Ha! Wonderful. How did you meet?”

“Seriously, it took all of Luna's power to get us to dance. Does Celestia keep you on the edges of your hooves all the time?”

“I'm not too sure what you mean, me son. We have to be ready for anything while on duty.”

The grey sighs, “I guess I just feel like I’m on duty all the time. Maybe that’s why I was sent here.”

The ever vigilant Shadow Mark whispers, “Sarge, can I ask about the elephant in the room?”

The youngsters look around. The unit doesn't get the metaphor. Here it comes.

“I mean, you know.” He murmurs, “The mule.”

I can hear you, Shadow Mark. My big ears aren’t just for my good looks.

Sarge gives a stern reply, “What did I say about those who can enter Draco's? That one is here as often as I am. I've never seen him outside of this room but I have seen him in his spot for years. A mule prefers his solitude. He's as much a part of the guard as any that have walked through the door.”

Grey offers, “Sarge, you were kind enough to ask me to join you. Why not invite him over?”

“Oh I have, in the past but we gallop in different circles. Mules and ponies are very different.”

There they sit. At the beginning of their career; the journey of their generation. Comrades for life. They have heard the call of the warrior and have answered it knowing full well the highs and lows it will bring them. What I wouldn't give to be young and part of the herd. Look how easy it was for them to make a new friend of the grey even after suspecting him of treachery.

Dear Princess Celestia:
I thank you for attending my retirement. Your gratitude and genuine smile to me made my miserable existence almost worthwhile. If I could die in my only happy place right now…

What? The Pinhead was talking about friendship while I was wallowing in self-pity and loneliness. The troop has pulled up a table and chairs next to mine. They continue to talk as if I wasn't here. They will let me join in the conversation on my terms. This is truly my comfortable corner.

/]*[\

Grey walked out of the Everfree Forest on the road to Ponyville. Rainbow Dash was waiting for him on the path. She wore a big grin.

“Hello Dragon Kicker. Can I, help you?”

“You were there, weren't you? The Warriors’ Tavern. What's it like? How'd you get in? Password, secret knock?”

“I can't tell you.” Even if I knew.

“Let's train! You and me. Like you and Pinkie did.”

“You've never been interested in my training. There weren't any Wonderbolts at Draco’s if that's what you want to know. But they do have a table painted in the Wonderbolt colours.”

“I'm not interested in that. Let's train. Same rules as you and Pinkie. All I have to do is knock you over, right.”

“I'm meeting Fluttershy for a picnic lunch.”

“I know. I was just there. So the rule is all I have to do is knock you over and I win!”

“Okay,” he sighed.

The wicked pony voice in Grey's head said, Call her a housefly and let's see what she does.

Rainbow Dash soared into the sky and pivoted on a wingtip. Grey dug his right hooves forward keeping his left legs straight. He lowered his head and watched for Rainbow Dash through his eyebrows. Grey resembled a bull about to charge except for the pony face.

Rainbow Dash dove at her target, keeping her wings tucked close to gain speed. Her mane and tail whip in the wind. She saw that Grey had dug in and is not going to move. Rainbow Dash pulled up at the last moment and swooped by him whipping Grey with wind.

“Hey! If I hit you I'd get hurt myself. That's not what Pinkie did.”

“Fine, it's not a game of chicken, although I would have won that round,” smirked Grey.

Grey trotted to a tree stump and stood proud, forehoof raised like a statue.

Rainbow Dash flew high and tucked her wings in. She let gravity take over and pivoted on her rear hoof and dove. Dash pulled up at the last second and settled on a cushion of compressed air under her. Her momentum and ground effects did all the work as she aimed for his legs to get under him and lift him over.

Grey spread his legs at the last second and dropped down over the stump.

“Are you intentionally trying to hurt me?” She gripped him and tried to fly off with the earth pony.

“Your flapping is just pushing down on the stump you're trying to lift, housefly.”

/]*[\

Grey walked into the bunny pasture with Rainbow Dash standing on his head. He brushed his mane with his fetlock and she flew enough to let Grey's foreleg go by. Fluttershy was laying on a checkered blanket in the shade of a tree darning little socks.

“Fluttershy,” Grey whined, “There is a vulture on my head.” Rainbow Dash stared upside down at him.

Fluttershy looked up, “I'm sorry, but you've done something to upset her. I think you need to apologize, if that's all right.”

“But I won. I beat her at her own game. I finally won one.”

“I'm sorry, but that's still unacceptable. My oldest and dearest friend is upset and you really need to apologize.”

Don't fight it. You’ve already learned this lesson.

“Rainbow Dash, I would like to apologize for… well, I'm sorry.”

“Ha! That's better. Wonderbolts can't be beat.” Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs, nodded and flashed out of site.

Fluttershy went back to her sewing. “You see, all is right with the world again.”

“I'm sorry, Fluttershy, I'm a slow learner. Thank you for being patient. What are you making?”

“Booties for the doggies this winter. That reminds me, Grey, I'm feeling a little chill.”

“Oh, I can run to your place and be back in five minutes with a blanket.”

“I'm sorry, but that's not what a girl means when she says she's cold.” Fluttershy shuffled closer to Grey.

“Oh,” He snuggled next to her. “Can I tell you about my day? I'll do it without being boastful.”

Fluttershy smiled, “Well, if you promise.”

“Today, a Wonderbolt wanted to work with me. Me! We trained together then I snuggled with a very pretty pony. Now, tell me about your day. Why do dogs need boots?”

“It's not for the cold. It's for protection from the sharp ice. It can cut their soft paw pads.”

“Oh, I forgot to add. I found out about another of your old fashion posters. The owner seems nice. It probably won’t survive being removed from the dorm wall. And I know you don’t want it to remain in an Academy dorm room. I also know that once I tell you where it is, it will be magically, or Rainbow Dash-ally be destroyed."

“Fluttershy, I have a favour to ask and it involves a scary word.”

She froze.

“I met a sergeant with the Guard the other day and he's under the impression that Ponyville forgot about what happened to three Royal Guard Pegasi when Nightmare Moon attacked.”

Fluttershy squeaked and hid behind her mane.

“As far as they can tell, Nightmare Moon was powering up a magical spell to destroy everypony in the town hall when Celestia's pegasi guards attacked. They didn't get to go home, as we say. Their sacrifice gave time for ponies to escape and Twilight Sparkle to confront Nightmare Moon. I want to make it right and I still feel terrible for sleeping through it all. I was thinking on the way over here that the town could plant trees in their honour. Or maybe there is a pegasi tradition. What do you think?”

Her mane nodded, “Trees sound nice. You can talk to the mayor, if that's all right.”

“How about if we do it together? I had a bad experience in the mayor’s office once and I’m still a little bit nervous around her.”

Fluttershy chided, “You’re afraid of the mayor of Ponyville but not Nightmare Moon? Who's a silly pony?”

My Prejudice

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“It's an universal law-- intolerance is the first sign of an inadequate education.

An ill-educated person behaves with arrogant impatience,

whereas truly profound education breeds humility.”

― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Grey hung his head low as he stood behind Fluttershy as she knocked on the Old Oak library door.

Twilight opened it and welcomed the couple. “Hi guys, won’t you please come in.”

Fluttershy walked in and thanked Twilight. Grey followed like a scolded foal behind her.

“What’s wrong with brave sir knight?” Twilight nickered.

“Oh, he has a favour to ask you, if it's all right. Go ahead Grey, Twilight won’t bite.”

Grey frowned to indicate that the opposite was probably true. “Twilight Sparkle, I have a prejudice I would like you to remove.”

Twilight said with a smile, “I am familiar with your prejudice, you don’t get along with unicorns. Do you?"

“Twilight Sparkle, I have two prejudices I would like you to fix. I have no good memories of Canterlot except when I was there with Fluttershy. I think I am prejudiced toward the ponies that live there. And that unicorn thing you just mentioned.”

As Fluttershy ran out the door, she said. “Sorry, he’s your problem now!”

Grey sighed. “So, if you could just fix me, I’ll buy you lunch, and I’ll be on my way.”

“It doesn’t work that way. Not everything is fixed with magic. I have a plan for you.”

Twilight shouted. “Spike! Follow list three from paragraph four on, for the rest of the day. Grey and I are going to Canterlot.”

“What the…?” Asked Grey.

Spike was upstairs, nestled in his bed. He scratched the comic book with his claw, so it would sound as if he was writing and not slacking off. “Got it.”

Twilight waved at Grey as she went out the door, “Come on or we’ll miss the early train to Canterlot.”

On the train they both sat on a bench facing forward.

Grey had his forelegs crossed on his chest. “I thought you would give me a lecture or homework or make me talk to all the Ponies from Canterlot in the area, not this.”

“Oh, my plan is not fully formed yet, but I too have been told to get out of my comfort zone and get away from my lists.”

“Ya, how can you just walk away from your obligations?” Grey huffed.

“It’s because I am so well organised that I can do just that. Besides, this gives us time to learn a little about each other. We did not get off on the right hoof and we both have preconceived notions about each other. And we need to become friends.”

“All right, I’ll be as open as I can if it will help get rid of the bad blood between us.”

“It’s not bad blood it’s bad ki, bad energy.”

“How do you know that word? Princess Luna taught me that word. That’s our word. It’s like a connection I have with Luna and you intruded on us. Never mind,” Grey sighed, “you know more than I ever will.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself, you know things that I don’t. For instance, during winter wrap up, how do the earth ponies shovel snow in such a straight line or more to the point, how do you plough a furrow so exact the first time?”

Grey humphed, “Because I’m an earth pony I must be good at agriculture.”

“No, I …”

“I’m just ribbing you. That’s everyday pony bias. The kind of prejudice and discrimination I grew up with was much worse. I think each species does it because the stereotypes are acceptable. That’s what I want to observe today. Is it true what ponies say about Canterlot?

I don’t know anything about farming. When I got odd jobs with the Apple clan, I was a general labourer. Pulling, pushing, nothing more. During the harvests, my pay was to eat all I could. But I had to be gone before Old Lady Smith came out of her office. See, I do it too. I look like a mule and She can’t stand mules. It’s okay, she’s elderly and has her reasons. You seriously don’t know how to plough in a straight line? I don’t think I should tell you; it might be the only thing I know that you don’t.”

“Don’t be silly, you know what it feels like to be an earth pony. Tell me, what does it feel like to plough or push snow or pull a carriage?”

“It feels good of course. I think the reason we’re called earth ponies is because everything we do connects us to the ground. Whenever we pull or push it’s our whole body doing the work, starting in our hooves to our mane and tail. Pulling a carriage takes coordination and cooperation. Okay I’ll tell you how to plough a straight furrow the first time just to show off a little. You fix your eyes on a point on the horizon and walk towards it. Focus and walk without distraction. Fluttershy has trouble flying because she looks down and not straight ahead. You move or fly where you look. You fight with your eyes up. Ha, bet you didn’t know I gave flying lessons, did you?”

“No, I didn’t. I like the explanation about the eyes and focusing. It's important for magic too.”

Grey asked, “I don’t know if this is a personal question or not but what does doin’ magic feel like?”

“It’s not personal. It starts in the brain with a thought. The thought I’m going to move that pillow.” Twilight’s horn glowed soft lavender. “My horn is stimulated with the thought that I’m going to do something magical and it is energised. It uses the natural energy of Equestra and the magic surrounds the pillow.” The pillow on the opposite seat was surrounded in a purple aura. “My horn is the fulcrum of the magic of Equestria. If I want to move the pillow, I must move it with my mind, not magic. Do you understand?”

“A little. Cranky is teaching me how to use a sword. He says I must cut with my mind. Luna says she is going to teach me how to fight unicorns.” Grey snorted with a smile, “What do you think of that?”

“A little sad really. There are better ways to end disputes than fighting and war.”

“I know. What’s sad is that you have been in more fights and battles than I have. I haven’t been in any and that’s another reason why it’s frustrating for me. That’s why I act all irritated when I’m around you. I’m sorry.”

“Missions. My friends and I have been on missions and adventures for Princess Celestia.”

The train pulled into Canterlot station.

“One thing that confounds me is the way earth ponies can use their hooves to make things and fix things. My nanny sewing buttons was fascinating to watch when I was a foal. I know it takes as much concentration as a unicorn, but, to us, it looks like cheating.”

“What? Earth ponies using their hooves looks like cheating. Whereas earth ponies think magic is cheating.”

“Do you have any hobbies, arts and crafts, perhaps?”

“I used to make straw brooms and straw hats and give them as gifts. Then they started to use the term ‘basket weaver’ to describe me. It’s a reference to a therapy for mentally challenged ponies. So, I quit.”

“You shouldn’t have stopped. intellectually disabled is the modern term. Don’t get mad. Sorry. And your name? Why did you choose to go with a nickname instead of your real name? Dusty Miller reminds me of the flowers bordering my mother’s garden.”

“My choice was Dusty Dirty Mule or Grey as a Mule. That’s what they called me in Ponyville. I chose Grey to help disappear into the background.”

“Okay, stop. I’ve been a resident of Ponyville for a good while now. And I have never encountered such kind, friendly folk. On Spike and my first day there, we were given the library to live in. Everything you say is a contradiction to what I’ve experienced.”

Grey steeped aside allowing Twilight off the train first. The platform was massive next to the small train from the burbs. Tourist shops lined the street across from the station.

Grey looked around, “I’ve always admired the architectural beauty of Canterlot. All this huge city built on the side of a mountain.”

“Have you been here before?”

“One of my teachers works at the Royal Zoo. Fluttershy loves visiting the animals, and we visit as often as possible. Princess Luna dropped me off here once for one of her challenges. Which I promptly failed.” Grey stopped at the end of the train platform. “Are you sure you want to be seen with me? This is your hometown and I’m Hicksville. I look like a mule. Stupid as a mule. Fluttershy says that both mule and stupid are obscenities when I use them like that. She’s a pink and yellow miracle.”

“Let’s try and stay focused on positive memories. How about school field trips? I understand that all schools send their students here at least once.”

“I couldn’t go.”

“You could have applied for a student grant.”

“That wasn’t the issue. The parents didn’t want me in the group, so they came up with a manure excuse about parental slips. Ms Cheerilee had to go along. So, I stayed in Ponyville and wove baskets for ponies I disliked.”

“You’re really hugging the negative narrative. My new mission is to show you the positive side of Canterlot. Now I had the intention of giving you the full tour. But I don’t think we have time for that in one day. What highlights would you like to see, the castle perhaps, or the Royal Library?”

“No, I want to see the ponies of Canterlot. I want you to explain to me why they are the way they are. I want to know if the stereotype about Canterlot ponies is in anyway true. As I said, I lied. I lied to Fluttershy and you. The people of Canterlot have never done or said anything against me. I want to find out if the Canterlot stereotype is the same as my view of Ponyville. My upbringing, in the hooves of Ponyville ponies, in my biased opinion, was not kind. It’s because of the way I look. They treated me like a mule, and yes, I can use that word. Don’t you see? It’s not Ponyville or Canterlot. It’s me. I’m the bigot. I’m intolerant of the ponies of Ponyville. I’m the ignorant one and I’m standing next to one of the brainiest ponies ever and it makes me ashamed. You graduated with honours from Princess Celestia's school for gifted unicorns and I barely passed out of Ponyville’s one room schoolhouse. You’re probably embarrassed to be seen with me.”

“Oh my stars, the way you just opened yourself up to me was so personal. I’m now on a mission to make this trip to Canterlot special. I know a great spot for pony watching, we should hurry so we get a good spot. You don’t have to march like that. Are you getting taller?”

“No. My training is improving my posture and walking. And there was an ant on the sidewalk. Fluttershy would be heartbroken if I stepped on it.”

“A sympathetic warrior is a rare and welcome creature these days,” said Twilight.

“Well it didn’t take long to figure out why people refer to Canterlot ponies the way they do. See how they all walk with fake airs. To me, it looks like they are all putting on an act. They dress for a part in a play. They try to wear dignity like a coat. The opposite of pompous is barbarian. I must seem like a barbarian to them. I’m a barbarian warrior created to protect the elite,” Grey grumbled.

“I wish my brother was in town, you should talk to him. He’s the Captain of The Royal Guard you know.”

“I know. You always seem to mention it. I don’t think we would have anything in common. After all he is The Captain of The Royal Guard and I just stand guard in front of a mostly empty building.”

“Might I remind you that you are a knight as well. I was there when you were knighted, remember?”

“All guards are knights. All knights are guards. I’m still not too sure why Luna did that. I think it was one of her challenges to see if I would stand up to her and a chance to do a little matchmaking. Fluttershy is the only reason I leave the Everfree Forest and return to Ponyville. I’m so grateful Luna matched us up.”

“Perhaps it would be helpful to talk to your guild representative,” Twilight offered.

“My what now?”

“It's like a union rep. Elected guard ponies that help others with paperwork, new postings, et cetera. Don't you know?”

“There is so much I missed with my training. I'm so out of the loop. I’ll tell Luna my rep is Fluttershy. That should get a royal eyebrow raise.”

Grass park with amphitheatre.

A quartet with a stone-grey pony played the cello.

dignified Octavia physical grace

Grey’s eyes went wide. “See her! Her coat is the same colour as mine was before Luna had me brush myself every day.”

“Your girlfriend is my best friend, remember,” frowned Twilight.

“My fur is getting this iron sheen. Luna gave me a brush. Oh my, it’s the only thing I own. Don’t pity me. I hate that. Look at her physical grace, the way she carries herself. She doesn’t need costumes to elevate her status. Listen to her music, there is a spiritual grace there.”

“Why don’t you do one of your dance forms? No, just kidding, sit down, you don’t have to.”

Grey stood up, took a step forward to an empty patch of grass and formally bowed to the east.

He stepped back with his right legs and punched forward with his right front hoof, then crossed his right legs in front of his left legs stepped to the corner while making it look like he was picking a flower with his right front hoof, he then lifted his hoof in an arc and snapped a back hoof strike at the air as if he was striking under somepony’s chin. He reversed the process going back replacing the flower then suddenly, a lower scooping block. Then his right legs went behind his left legs and then he was facing 180⁰ from where he was, and double kneaded the air. He kept his eyes looking back stepped forward clicked his front hooves then mule kicked back. He crossed his legs again and 180ed, punched, crossed his legs and 180ed and back hoofed. Punched low keeping his leg outstretched then lifted himself up and punched with the other hoof. This went on for about three minutes. it seemed a coincidence that the quartets music and his form ended at the same time.

Twilight said. “That was amazing, some of that applause is meant for you, you know.”

“That is a kind thing to say, but I don’t believe you.”

“It looked as though you were fighting two ponies and one had a long weapon of some sort.”

“Really, you could tell. That is a complement then. The music flowed like that form, circular then straight. I do it in the morning sometimes. You need much awareness in the Everfree forest or you’re someone’s breakfast.”

“I bet that is the first time you did your dance form to music.”

“You would lose that bet. I do my forms while Luna practices her music all the time.”

Pony heads turned to see who would say such a thing.

“There is something like a big hummingbird that tries to stab me while I do my forums in the morning. That's why I swatted my tail when I did. I noticed a Royal Guard watching me. That makes me feel exposed, self-conscious.”

Twilight and Grey left the park and marched down the sidewalk. A guard pony with a brush helmet hanging by its chinstrap from his golden armour so that his mane could flow in the breeze. And a mare that stood remarkably close to him looking down on Twilight. Blocked their way.

“Well hello, little miss fancy flanks.”

Twilight groaned, “Hello Flash.”

He continued, “Guess who made full first-class lieutenant. Gold bars and everything? Who's this?”

“This is my friend from Ponyville, Grey meet Flash Sentry and Damsel Fly, isn't it?”

“Ha! A pony from the sticks. Good to make your acquaintance. This must be such a thrill for you, in Canterlot and meeting an officer newly minted and promoted of the Royal Guard himself.”

Damsel Fly eyed Twilight up and down clutching Flash close.

Grey sighed, “I'm sorry, Ms. Sparkle, but you broke military etiquette and did not introduce me properly.”

She scowled at the arrogant stallions surrounding her, then the light came on.

“With apologies, allow me to introduce Captain Grey, Princess Luna's personal Everfree Forest guard.”

Flash Sentry snapped to attention, “Sir, good to make your acquaintance.” He fumbled with the helmet strap as he talked. “Are you related to Earl Grey? Sorry about being out of uniform, and all. I was almost home, you see, and the hair and all.”

“Flashy, Daddy, why didn't you introduce me to your boss? Is he your boss?” Damsel Fly asked, turning her attention to Grey.

“As you were.” Grey said flatly letting him off the hook for the uniform violation he knew nothing about.

Twilight waited until they were out of ear shot, “There, you got what you wanted. Proof that Canterlot ponies are stuck up.”

“I found no joy in that. I've fantasized all these years. I dreamt of bashing an upstart like that my whole life. First, it was a fantasy. Then it became possible with my training and strength. But my training gave me the strength and confidence to ignore him and I held my tongue and beat him even more with just a word to you. As far as I can understand.”

Twilight shook her mane, “I was hoping to avoid ponies like that to make my point being not all Canterlot are stereotypical arrogant jerks.”

“And let me say that not all stallions are like that. My old friends in Ponyville were, sad to say.” His moment of happiness faded. “I know jerks. I grew up with them. I’m being a sower-puss, as Fluttershy would say. I’m bringing the mood down when we should be celebrating the defeat of Flash Sentry. I bet I can make you smile.”

“Very doubtful,” she groaned.

“Jerks know jerks. I'll bet, somepony has nicknamed him Flank Sentry by now.”

Twilight smirked, “Okay, that's a good name for him.”

* * *

Lunch at the Salad Sandwich Shop.

“My treat. This is a secret guard pony hangout.” Twilight whispered to Grey.

Grey stared at the menu board. “I’ll have your cheapest sandwich.”

“No such thing,” said the chef from behind the counter.

“What does the Royal Guard usually have?” Grey asked. The cook raised an eyebrow.

Grey turned to Twilight, “I can hear Luna right now.”

“How exiting, what is she saying?”

“No, not like that. She’s not talking in my head. I mean she would tell me not to be so indecisive and order something. ’Lead, follow, or get the hay out of the way’.”

Twilight paid for two daily specials and levitated them over to an unoccupied table. “Have you considered another line of work?”

Grey dropped his sandwich on his plate, “Are you insane? That is inconceivable. Have you thought of leaving Celestia? I owe Luna a debt that I can never repay! It’s as if I was starving and Luna gave me a few strands of hay and I can never repay that simple gesture. I want to be at her side always, I want to be at Fluttershy’s side always too. I’m conflicted, confused and not too bright, by your standards.”

“You don’t know my standards." Twilight bit into her sandwich.

“You’re right again. How do you do on Princess Celestia’s tests anyway?”

“Oh my, I’ve had so many examinations. I get very neurotic if my marks get even a little close to mid-nineties. And yourself?”

“I don’t get percentiles. I get challenges and it’s pass or fail, and I have failed more than one. And I am ashamed. Another reason why it is difficult to be near you. School was a constant struggle. I couldn’t afford the books, so I had to study in the library. But it closed early and then I had to sweep the streets then find a place to sleep and maybe steal a morsel of food before morning.”

Twilight lectured, “studies show that overachieving honour students, such as me, are the second most stressed students. Ponies with hardships as yourself are the most stressed; as I understand from a study I read. Wait a minute, Ponyville thinks the world of you. Like the prodigal son returning to be their personal guard pony. What you say makes no sense.”

After lunch the two continued on their way. Twilight led Grey to a park bench on the edge of the Royal Garden. They sat there in quiet contemplation.

Suddenly Grey jumped to his hooves and bowed to the sister princess behind them.

“As I said, elder sister, my guard pony would sense our presence before your most faithful student. You, therefore, owe me a cupcake,” Princess Luna said to Celestia.

“Princess Celestia,” Twilight gushed, “I am so happy to see you. I didn't expect to run into you today. I mean I hoped, you know but I didn’t actually expect to.”

Celestia and Twilight talked casually exchanged pleasantries and smiled.

Luna looked down at Grey. “Is this how my guard pony spends his leisure time, lounging around Canterlot?”

“I am on my own challenge of self-improvement. I have two things left to fix/discover on my own hierarchy of needs. Today I am getting rid of my prejudice of Canterlot ponies and certain unicorns.” Grey shot a glance at Twilight. “I’m sorry, I’ve discovered I’m a bigot and not deserving of your time,” Grey’s ears drooped.

“A very admirable self-challenge indeed. Bringing your bias to the surface is the first step in understanding where it comes from. And what, pray tell, is the remaining need?” Luna asked.

“Creativity. I feel I lack or have no form of expressing myself.”

“Oh, yet I’ve watched you make things out of grass and straw. Your training props."

“Pony folk look down on what they call basket weavers.”

“What about the martial forms and patterns you perform? I do enjoy playing my music for you while you train.”

“You do? I'm sorry, that's different. I see that as work related. I am so grateful but that is kinda personal. He turned his eye to Twilight. "I have a jealousy issue too. Perhaps I could dedicate my life to being a thorn in her flank.”

“And what kind of pony would that make of you?” Luna smirked, “besides, I have it on good authority that there is a long line of applicants for that position.”

Grey suddenly felt sorry for Twilight.

Celestia and Twilight continued to exchange pleasantries and laugh. Luna and Grey turned their heads at the cheerful sound. They both looked on with similar blank faces. “You wish your relationship with me was as theirs? I, too, wish my relationship with my sister was thus. I'm sorry Sir Grey, it can't be like that between us. Our relationship is, professional. Isn’t it interesting that we both desire the same thing though?”

“I was just saying to Twilight, how grateful I am to you. I'm not that eager to please, am I?”

“You are, in your own way. Is that what you’re envious of? You just now thanked me?”

“I wish I could open myself like that,” Grey sighed.

“So, why don’t you? Is there something holding you back? Is my fearless guard afraid of what other ponies think of a guard courageous enough to open himself up and be friendly? Twilight Sparkle is the epitome of friendly.”

Grey sighed, “I've never seen her so happy.”

“If it's true that opposites attract, would it also be true that like repels like? You two are alike in many ways. Would you not agree?”

“I'm sorry, but I have to disagree, Princess.”

“An apology is not necessary when you disagree with me in private conversation. You both overanalyze, private person. I, on the other hoof, owe you an apology that is overdue. Your hard training regiment does not include praise. I told you that when you accepted my tutelage. When you do your job well, that is the expected. You are critiqued in your errors, so you learn and develop. Grey, my personal Everfree Forest Guard Pony, you are doing well.”

It was just a word, but Grey beamed and blinked the water from his eyes.

As the princesses walked away Grey shouted, “Princess Luna is best princess!”

Twilight was shocked, “That was an egregious breach of protocol if my brother was here...”

The princesses smiled, turned to each other, and spoke in unison, "He's your problem now, Twilight."

Grey cut Twilight off on the sidewalk so he would walk next to the street. “Gentlecolt position.”

“Thank you but it’s not necessary. I am fully capable of averting a splash from a carriage.”

“I’m not putting myself in a position to get splashed on because I like you. I’m not Chauvinist or snobby, I do it because that’s who I am.”

Then it happened. Walking back to the train station along a long flower bed, a squirrel took a shortcut between the trees to rustle through the flowers. Grey casually said “Snake.”

Twilight leaped up and wrapped her legs around an overhanging branch.

“You are truly a jerk.”

“Guilty as charged. It wasn’t even a joke, just a comment. That was amazing. You didn’t coil first, you just leaped. Martial artish in a way. Most impressive.”

Twilight hung by her legs, “Are you going to help me get down or not?”

“Um, not. You don’t understand what just happened. What you did was pure instinct and beautiful in its own way. Allow this earth pony to direct you. Now surround yourself with your own magic and picture yourself slowly lowering yourself to the ground.”

She did. Purple magic flowed from Twilight's horn surrounding her. She let go of the branch, turned 180⁰ and lowered herself to the sidewalk.

“You still don’t get it. I’ve been a porcupine all day because I have been near you, and reminiscing about my crappy upbringing. but now I feel wonderful. A word has turned the tide. The same thing happens in battles and wars and civilisations. A word, an act, an idea and everything is different. An unplanned chaotic event. I am my old self and you are cranky; wait till I tell Cranky and Old Sod. I call Discord, Old Sod, by the way.”

“You do not mention that name in Canterlot.” Snarled Twilight.

“In a moment I am enlightened. Canterlot ponies have no challenges in life except to be refined. want to be refined and out refine each other to falsely elevate themselves and I don’t care. What Canterlot people worry about means nothing to me. It was Ponyville not Canterlot. They have Nothing in common. See me, this is me when I pass a challenge.” Grey trotted a happy dance in place. “Is this how you feel after an exam?”

“Yes, I suppose it is.”

They walked toward the train station along the warehouse district.

Grey sniffed at the air, “Hey, we’re close to Draco’s. Would you like to see some Guard Pony magic?”

“From an earth pony? Sure, “She finally smiled, “let’s see what you got.”

Grey closed his eyes and inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth. “Got it. Please follow me, my lady.”

Grey led Twilight toward a brick wall. “Tell me when you can see it.”

“It’s just a wall.” Then the bricks shimmered and fogged and dissipated away, making the double action saloon swinging shutter doors of Draco’s Tavern appear.

“It’s safest if I go in first. Wipe your hooves.” Grey pushed through the door, looked around and held the spring-loaded door open for Twilight. “Welcome to the Warrior’s Tavern. An off the grid watering trough for any military personnel. The one rule, no mention of rank or position.”

Twilight gasped, “This exists in Canterlot? It’s so, um, rustic.” Tables, chairs and bar were clean, but everything along the walls was layered in dust. “No offence.” She took in the ambiance of the room. “Hum, you made me wipe my hooves and now I’m standing on sawdust. Nice joke. I’ve never seen a place like this before, not even in the outskirts of Ponyville.”

Grey nickered, then walked up to the bar. “Draco, my good pony, a pint of Pony Ale and any tea like substance you may have for the lady.”

Draco whistled through his teeth at Twilight Sparkle, “Since the last bit of unpleasantness that almost destroyed Canterlot, we don’t serve changelings here.”

“Oh my stars, you think I’m a changeling? You think I look just like Princess Celestia’s most faithful student? She batted her eyelashes several times. Goodness, can you give me a test just to be sure, please.”

Grey face hoofed, “Goddesses, she loves tests. Can you give me my pint while I wait?”

Draco answered bluntly, “Shut up rookie.” Then shouted, “Draco, get out here.”

Draco answered, “What the hay do you want?”

Grey informed Twilight, “They’re both named Draco for some inexplicable reason. Ones older than the other but they won’t even say if they’re related.”

First Draco mottled white unicorn informed second mottled white unicorn Draco, “Didn’t you foal sit for Twilight Sparkle’s mother, Twilight Velvet, a few times? Ask this possible changeling a question only her daughter could answer.”

The second Draco rubbed his chin with his hoof. “Alright then, she liked menu cards. How many…”

Twilight interjected, “One hundred and twenty in a packet. She prefers the Sunflower Yellow. Easier on her eyes.”

Grey commented, “Getting her to talk is easy, getting her to stop is the trick.”

First Draco cuffed Grey’s ear. “Manners, that’s a hero of Equestria. Draco, make a pot of tea from whatever we have left from what mom drank.”

Draco Number Two levitated a chipped teacup and a pint of Pony ale to a corner table. Grey held the chair for Twilight. He clinked her teacup. She responded, “That’s not necessary.”

Grey took a long pull of his drink, “So, how does this place work?”

Twilight’s horn glowed lightly to steady the teacup between her hooves as she sipped. “I don’t know how you found it. You sniffed the air twice so there must be a scent only the guard can smell. The door is an extremely powerful portal spell. This room is someplace else.”

“Yah, the Dracos talk about their farm sometimes. We’re probably there. You’re wrong about the smell. I was just play acting. I can feel it when I’m close. They say the entrance changes locations every so often."

“Full disclosure, as I said. You keep saying Ponyville likes me. Let me tell you what a typical school day was like. First thing in the morning I’d try to find some grass that was long enough to eat then off to the schoolhouse. I’d try to concentrate, but it was so hard for me. I’d much rather look out the window and daydream. No lunch. I think Applejack would leave out some imperfect apples, sometimes. I couldn’t afford to buy the schoolbooks, so I had to read the textbooks in the library. It would close at sunset then I’d have to sweep the streets. I’d catch a few hours sleep, but never in the same place, the townsfolk hated that. Twice on the same park bench and I’d get swatted by any passer-by. They didn’t want me to settle in one spot. I slept best on the racetrack or on the outskirts of town. I’d just barely pass the grade. There was no honour roll or valedictorian or hardest worker plaque for me. I just ate some of the food for the graduation party, then ran away and cried the night away. How was your graduation?”

Twilight blinked, “You were homeless and going to school?”

“Still homeless, technically. Luna offered me barracks in her Everfree Palace. I prefer to sleep outside.”

“You sleep outside, at night, in the Everfree? I’m sorry, but this is a lot to process. You, were homeless, in Ponyville? During your formative years. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t pity me, I said I can’t stand that.”

“Still, my heart goes out to you. I got all the honours,” Twilight sighed without any emotion. “It just was, expected. After the graduation ceremonies, I hung the scrolls, put the trophy on the highest shelf and felt nothing. The amount of work I did trying to please everypony didn’t seem balanced with the awards I brought home. My parents fear me.” She sipped her tea. “During my entrance exam for Princess Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns, I accidentally turned my parents into potted plants. They’ve been slightly distant ever since. Then my first days away from Canterlot, the girls and I defeated Nightmare Moon. Mom, dad, and I are not close anymore. “She sighed again, “As I said, my parents fear me. Time to find the positive. I saw you smile today. You are always like a recruitment poster of a Guard Pony on duty. Ever vigilant isn’t the word. Hyper-vigilant, that’s it. Every stereotype rolled into one stubborn stallion. I don’t see myself as prejudiced. Let me quote Applejack, boy howdy, you fit that label. I know you don’t believe it, but my brother worked awfully hard to become head of the Royal Guard. I know it makes a pony hyper. I wish we could talk freely.”

Elder Draco examined a pint glass with a large crack down one side. After deciding it wasn’t worth the magical effort to repair and clean, he tossed it in the glass recycle bin. It exploded with a crash. Twilight jumped and Grey twitched an ear to the sound and grinned. “You expected me to jump at that noise, didn’t you? I did, a little. And my hyper awareness assessed the whole situation in a second. I might be a tightly wound spring, but I can handle surprises.”

“Yes, that and your scar didn’t tell you danger was imminent. Fluttershy told us about your magic mark.”

The grin washed off Grey’s face. “You girls really know how to take the wind out of a stallion’s sails. I defeated Crystal Dragon Nightmare Moon on a training exercise. That’s how I got this scar. It’s a great story. No pony cares.”

“Please don’t say that. Tell me, how did you find this place?”

“I felt it, like a breeze touched my face.”

“Like magic?”

“No.” He grunted.

“One last question, why don’t you ever relax? And don’t give me that I’m a stoic guard pony nonsense.”

Grey snorted, “Watch me relax.” He inhaled through his mussel and exhaled through his mouth. The muscles in his face lost their tension. His scowling mouth went neutral. Grey’s shoulders slumped and his bones softened.

“Did Princess Luna teach you that spell?”

“That wasn’t magic, I don’t have a cheat like magic. That was hard work. I was given instructions, I practiced, and I learned the technique.”

“Did you visualise anything in your mind?” Twilight raised her eyebrows as she sipped her tea. “A word, perhaps?”

“I recalled one of my teachers yelling the hard word for attention. Then saying softly meditate. Except it was in one of the Eastern dialects. Hard soft, yin yang, etc.”

“Yah, you performed magic. There’s an earth pony in Canterlot that makes coffee and teacups. The porcelain is frictionless. It doesn’t stain and the dry remnants slide right out.”

“Sounds like it be too slippery to hang on to.”

“I’m sure he thought of that. He makes them almost indestructible. The magic of an earth pony soaked in every single cup and mug.”

“Huey, your friend has just mastered and perfected his craft.”

“Telekinesis is one of the first things a young unicorn learns. I think the word levitate, and the teacup rises. If it’s a complex spell, I may think in the language the spell was written. I know the word levitate in several languages. Each word has minuscule differences in translation and development. That’s why complex spells have a higher chance of going wrong. My first big spell blew up in my face and almost killed my parents.

“I said earlier that the disadvantaged as yourself can attest to have the hardest time in school. The second most challenged are the ones in my group, struggling to move a point of a percentage up.” Then she saw it and gasped. Twilight walked to a corner of the tavern where an old rectangular shield was jammed in the wall, covered in the dust and cobwebs of a millennia. “It’s his. “Its Star Swirl the Bearded’s shield.”

Grey moaned, “Why should he need a shield?”

Twilight swooned, “It has his mark on it and he scratched his initials here.”

“Please don’t do this.”

“This, this is a natural treasure. Long thought lost.” She used her levitation to lift the shield. Dust came off as a sheet of grey snow off a rooftop. “Princess Celestia must be informed at once.”

The pair were in the same position relative to each other but now, they were on the street. Grey fell from his seated position to his butt on the road. “And that’s how you get kicked out of Draco’s.” Grey starred at the brick wall, “I didn’t get to finish my drink, and I’m probably banned again.”

“I’m sorry I had us kicked out of your favourite bar, but that was an important historical artefact.”

“Please don’t pursue it. And it wasn’t my favourite bar. It was the only one I’ve ever been in. Luna sent me there to find comradeship. Celestia sent me there to improve my morale after one of my screw ups. Every time I leave the Everfree Forest I mess up.”

“Because it’s simply fight or flight? The harmony of the Everfree?”

“No. I can’t say there’s harmony when I’ve seen predators gulping intestines.”

* * *

Train

Twilight settled onto her seat, “I feel an apology is in order. I never addressed your dislike of unicorns. And I am responsible for us getting barred from the Warrior’s Tavern. I suppose this is how you feel after you don’t meet your expectations with one of Princess Luna’s challenges. It is disheartening. I’m sorry if you still have negative feelings towards unicorns.”

Grey returned to his grumpy self. He slouched in his seat; all legs crossed. Grey sat up suddenly.

“There it is, that’s what it is to be an earth pony!” A brown and black colt galloped next to the train.

“Look at him go! So focused, so determined. Running as fast as the train. If he gets too close to the engine, they will blow the whistle. To cross in front is forbidden and his parents will be informed.”

Twilight had her forelegs crossed on her chest, “Did you?”

“Yes.”

“And what did your parents say?”

Grey sighed, “You weren’t listening, were you. Its not an issue.”

Library

Grey held the door open to the library. Twilight walked in. Looking back she asked, “What about your jealousy toward Spike?”

“Yo, Spike! I was envious of you. When you first arrived in Ponyville, Fluttershy was gushing over you because you were a cute baby then, and I was jealous. I'm sorry. We good?”

Spike was doing a rush job on the chores, “You, jealous of me?” He yelled over the sound of rushing water and clanging dishes, “Ya dude, we’re good.”

Twilight turned to Fluttershy, “Boys, unbelievable.”

Grey bowed his most formal bow, “Thank you, Twilight. I am no longer bigoted towards Canterlot ponies. I realised that my prejudice was based on incomplete information and gossip. I have learned and grown. And that was our objective. Mission complete.”

Twilight asked, “So, we’re friends now. And no more hard feelings towards unicorns or the citizens of Ponyville?”

He looked at his hooves, “Um, well, I don’t know. Fluttershy is my only true friend. I now have acquaintances in the Guard. This is all new to me. I have not forgiven Ponyville yet.” Grey snorted, “A Guard Pony is honest. No, I can’t do it. Total honestly. You have all the traits that irritate me. I still think magic is a cheat. I think you got a privileged upbringing. You didn’t catch on when I said I grew up homeless. That means I grew up without a family. Luna says we’re similar in many ways. That ticks me off too. That’s on me, that’s all my thinking. I am still the prejudiced one. I need to mature more to be your friend.” Grey escorted Fluttershy out of the Old Oak library, “I’m sorry Fluttershy, I failed your mission. Allow me to make Canterlot sandwiches tonight to make it up to you.”

“I’ve lied to both you and Fluttershy today. I’ve been seen with Discord. I work for the reformed Nightmare Moon, and I live in the monstrous Everfree Forest. I could very well be the next threat to Equestria. If you wish to escort me to the Canterlot dungeons, I won’t resist.”
Humph, you’re all jerk and very little villain. My experience with evil and jerk stallions makes it obvious which you are.
Fluttershy was preening Owlawishus.
“Flutteshy, today Twilight took me to Canterlot and we had lunch and I saw a beautiful nude musician and we sat on a park bench and the princesses caught us playing kissy face and then I saw a squirrel! And then we got kicked out of the Warriors Tavern!”
Fluttershy, please know that I would never do any thing like that. I have the utmost respect for you and your relationship with Sir Jerk Face.
“Oh Twilight, I am so sorry you had to put up with him all day.”
“Oh Fluttershy, I am so sorry you have to put up with him every day.”
Are we going to play the ‘Grey is sorry and will do anything to make it up to Fluttershy, game’? I’m getting good at it. I’m making Canterlot sandwiches tonight.
Oh dear.

Page |

The Windigo of Despair

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“The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair,
even though they both lead to the same destination.”
― Marion Zimmer Bradley, The Fall of Atlantis

Zuko: There is no honor for me without the Avatar.

Iroh: Zuko, even if you did capture the Avatar,

I’m not so sure it would solve our problems. Not now.

Zuko: Then there is no hope at all.

Iroh: No, Zuko! You must never give into despair.

Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts.

In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.

Avatar: The Last Airbender: Season 2, Episode 5

Avatar Day (28 Apr. 2006)

In an enchanted forest there is an open field at the end of the field there is a citadel that backs to the river. The palace of the Emprise of the Night. To her, it is only a small manor. A place of solitude, her personal sanctuary. Princess Luna is an Alicorn, a powerful demigod and co-ruler of an empire.

Standing sentry in front, a small insignificant, flightless, magic-less, nothing nicknamed Grey.
Grey stood at his post in front of the palace. Snow and ice crystals blew in Grey’s face. He wore a brown course cloak. The hood would not stay on in the wind. The rock he stood on pulled warmth from his legs. The frozen ground would do the same. It would be time to go for a run soon to warm up. Dark clouds hung just above the palace roof. The field was covered with drifts of snow. Where the wind had exposed the grass, it was tan and lifeless. The Everfree forest was black and quiet except for the wind whistling through the baron trees.

The weight of the world settled on Grey’s back and heart. A lifetime of anguish, despair, grief and sorrow smothered him. For a moment he felt as if he was standing alone in a crowd in Ponyville.

A thought went through his head. Sad to be all alone in the world.

What a poetically sad or sadly poetic thought. Too bad it wasn’t mine.

Grey yelled at the sky, “If there is a Windigo near, I order it to appear.”

A sickly looking horse materialized in front of Grey. Its long narrow face looked like it was being stretched from below. Its eyes were red as if it had been crying for days and dark bags hung from them. Its colour was pale, and it looked neglected and abused. Its mark was on its shoulder, a hypnotic swirl. The hind end disappeared in tatters. Its voice was ghostly miserable. “So many regrets, disappointments. So alone, so sad.”

Grey said, “Can’t be alone if you like the one you’re with.”

“Tell yourself what you want. They all left you to stand out here all by yourself on the coldest darkest night of the year. The only way out of your endless torture is to offer me your life and your soul.”

Grey said. “True, this is one of the longest nights of the year, a time of celebration for the followers of the Princess of the Night. You want to eat my soul?” Grey chuckled, “I assure you it is black and toxic.”

“All you have to do is let go. It will be the easiest thing you have ever done. Let the pain that is your life fall away from you. They will give you a special day where they will finally honour you. They will sing songs of your accomplishments and cry at your great loss. I will be nourished, you will be free, you see, we both win.”

“You’re talking about my funeral. I can wait. It will come soon enough.”

“Your name is Dusty Miller, the sad grey flower that shall never bloom.”

“Bitch, please! The negative thoughts that usually go through my head are a lot cleverer than you and that’s just background static. I am not my negative thoughts.”

“You are standing on a cold rock in the middle of nowhere. Your princess won’t even offer you shelter on her special night.”

“And I wouldn’t take it. It would make me soft. We can’t have that in the Everfree forest can we? It’s a great day when my food walks right up to me.”

“I beg your pardon.”

“Yes, I expect you’ll be doin’ a lot of begging.”

“You presume to threaten me. You are delusional. Depression has touched you. There is only one way out for you. Offer me your life and your soul. You are a sad herbivore.”

"Vegetarians in the Everfree forest in winter? You must be young and naïve for your species. A lone pony standing in the middle of the Everfree forest. That didn’t set off warning bells in that skinny head of yours? I like your skull by the way, I think I’ll polish it up and offer it to my mistress as a gift on this special night. If she doesn’t want it I’ll hang it in the forest and the spiders can nest in your eye sockets.”

Grey took a step forward.

“You bluff your way through life. No magic, no flight, she has everything and you have nothing. So heart-breaking. You chew grass between flat teeth.”

Grey said. “The Mantacord tears flesh with his sharp teeth and swallows it in gulps. I grind my food between my teeth and savour the taste and texture of flesh. And a warm meal has just appeared before me.”

Grey took another step forward. The Windigo stepped back.

“You can see my mind. You can see that I speak the truth when I say the Mantacord is my acquaintance. And before you say it, I have no friends because it would be dangerous for any creature to get close to me. Well there is Old Sod.” Grey focused on Discord’s smiling face.

Grey, you old name dropper.

The Windigo shuddered.

There was foam at the corners of Grey’s mouth.
“Can you see that I have a Demon Badger for a pet?”

Grey used his meditative training and forced out any thoughts of ponies and concentrated on the animal appropriately named, Teeth and Claws.

“Perhaps I have made a miscalculation.”

Grey walked forward. The Windigo moved backwards.

Drool hung from the left side of Grey’s mouth. He tilted his head to make it more obvious until the wind blew it against his face.

“Oh we’re not done yet. If I ever hear of a Windigo harassing any creature anywhere around here, I will hunt you. If I hear of a Parasprite waking up in a bad mood because of a Windigo, I will come for you. You’re right: I own nothing. But my hard training has given me one thing, a very particular set of skills. Skills that make me a nightmare for creatures like you. If you and your kind never come back, that will be the end of it. But if you don’t, I have your scent, I will peruse you, I will find you and I will kill you. And there is just one more thing. You lost your meal. You must have been watching me for a while to pick this moment in time to tempt me. You lost your prey. A lone earth pony troubled you, disturbed you and defeated you. Your species feeds on the souls of the miserable. Be careful if you go home. Your kind may be cannibalistic.”

The Windigo shrieked and disappeared.

Grey lifted his knees high as he trotted back to his rock.

The wind and snow stopped blowing.

Hey, I changed the weather! I must be a weather Pegasus.

The ever-present eyes at the edge of the Everfree forest retreated into the forest.

Probably shouldn’t tell Fluttershy about today.

On A Hot Summer's Knight

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Meatloaf is a Dish Best Served with Ketchup

The curtain had fallen on another Great Grand Canterlot fashion show. Months of preparation and worry had dissolved in a matter of hours and meters of fabric. Organizers congratulated each other. Models, seamstresses and dressers packed away all the equipment for next time. The after party consisted of fizzy drinks and conversation in the wardrobe room. Fluttershy and some designers and models were hold up at a high table in the corner. A tall lean grey earth stallion in a black uniform with navy blue piping, pushed his chest against an unoccupied chair, scraping it out of his way. Some ponies were startled at his rudeness. Other mares who wanted to catch this well-dressed soldier’s eye, saw that his eyes were locked on Fluttershy and knew where this was going. Whenever Fluttershy sat with a group of girls, all would-be suitors focused on her. Those closest to Fluttershy expected her to pull away from this brazen stallion. Some fashion ponies admired his formal Nehru collar and crisp tunic devoid of flaws and military decorations. All stitching was expertly hidden.

He asked,
“On a hot summer’s night,
Would you offer your throat to the Everfree wolf with the red roses?”^[1]

The group gasped. One mare moved to block and defend Fluttershy from the intruder with violence on his breath. Fluttershy pulled her lemonade close, sipping the straw without lifting the glass. Her face blocked by her light greyish rose mane.
Just above a butterfly’s whisper, Fluttershy asked, “I’m sorry, but will he offer me his mouth?”

All eyes rolled to Fluttershy.

“Yes.” answered the guard pony.

“Will he offer me his teeth?” The audience’s mouths hung open with her question.

“Yes.” He repeated flatly.

“Will he offer me his jaws?”

“Yes.”

“Will he offer me his hunger?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Fluttershy raised her head revealing her cyan eyes targeting the warrior. “Again, will he offer me his hunger?”

He raised his chin and rolled back his shoulders. “Yes!” Was snapped as if he had answered a command.

“And will he starve without me?”

“Yes!” He pleaded.

“And does he love me?” She sighed.

“Yes,” He whimpered as his knees buckled.

“Yes?” Fluttershy repeated, sounding like a soft question.

He continued the discourse.
“On a hot summer’s night,
Would you offer your throat to the Everfree wolf with the red roses?”

Fluttershy exhaled, “Yes.”

The Royal Guard had his confidence back, “I bet you…”

Fluttershy intercepted the attack and turned the clash back to her favour. She stomped her hoof on the tabletop, making a barely audible tap. “I bet you guard ponies say that to all the fillies.”

The warrior was swept off balance. He stuttered, “I-I have only ever said it to the most beautiful, intoxicatingly intelligent, kindest mare that has ever existed.”

“I’m sorry,” she waved a dismissive hoof, “and those princesses you soldier boys are so obsessed with?”

“The boss? It took the combined power of the Princess Goddesses themselves to bring this undeserving sole into the presence of beauty herself. It has always been you. It will always be you.”

He sang, “♫You were licking your lips and your lipstick shining in the moonlight I was dying just to ask for a taste. Oh and I swear it’s true, I was just about to say I love you and then you took the words right out of my mouth. ♫”

Fluttershy finally smiled. She stood up, placed her fore-hooves on the table, leaned forward and sang the retort, “♫Oh, it must have been while you were kissing me♫.

I’m sorry ladies, but I must take this poor excuse for a guard pony home and give him a lesson in manners. You, colt. Owe me dinner and a dance, then perhaps I may allow you to survive the night. I’m sorry, what are you waiting for?” Fluttershy tossed her saddlebag over her back. “If you’re not holding that door open for me by the time I get there, I will carry you home as a kitty carries her kitten.”

Rarity set her glass of wine on the table of awe-struck ladies. “So, did you all enjoy that Everfree Forest mating dance? Do you believe that was out of character for our dear Fluttershy? In case you didn’t notice, Fluttershy won that match. Dears, when you’re in a stable and safe relationship, you can let yourself go and be yourself or somepony completely opposite of your true self and play a role. Don’t be alarmed ladies, they’ve been secretly wed for some time now. It’s best for both their careers to keep it desecrate. * Although, the way those two have been playing their little pony game in public lately, I imagine it’s only a matter of time before they are exposed. Unless, I suppose, that twosome is adoring the gossip they create and are in fact, playing pony games with us.”

Prim Hemline touched her fetlock to her forehead, swooned and fainted.

An alternate ending (non-PG rated):

* I created that lovely tunic for the groomsmen myself. I only hope that Fluttershy doesn’t bruise it as much as her husband will be bruised come Monday morning.”

Prim Hemline touched her fetlock to her forehead, swooned and fainted.

Dusty Miller

[1] Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Jim Steinman
You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth (Hot Summer Night) lyrics © Carlin America Inc
Artist: Meat Loaf
Album: Bat Out of Hell
Released: 1977
Recorded: 1976
B-side: "For Crying Out Loud"

Grey Little Pony

by Dusty Miller

The Least of Them

Terrifyingly Beautiful

Going Lame is a Death Sentence

Tea Time

Let The Game Begin

Training Day

The Play's The Thing

Enter Twilight

An Informal Ball

The Ball Beautiful

A Disease of Discord (revised for 2020)

Timber Wolves

Tea With Discord

Knight of the Princess

Her Butler, Kissed

Goodbye Angel

The Test That Taught the Lesson

The Interview

To Date Fluttershy

Ah, Grasshopper

Brushy Brushy

Flower Moon

The Great And Powerful Grey

How To Train Your Alicorn

The Mule

My Prejudice

The Windigo of Despair

On A Hot Summer's Knight