The News
"I don't like it. Something's up."
Quick Quill glanced up at his friend from his spot on the lounge couch and rolled his eyes. "Fast Talker, just because Princess Luna acted weird in front of a group of nasty nobles doesn't mean that something's up." He shook his head and returned to his book. "You look for conspiracies everywhere. It's a bit annoying."
Fast Talker glared at his partner. "You know, one of these days I'm going to be right! It's gonna happen! I'm going to hit it big with a story!"
"You're not going to do that by publishing stories about how Sapphire Shores is secretly a stallion dating Fancypants' wife." A small smirk crossed Quick Quill's face. "I'm still amazed you weren't fired for that one. I've never seen the boss laugh so hard in his life."
Fast Talker's glare shifted to a scowl. "Just you wait; I know there's something going on with the princesses today, and I'm going to find out what!" Fast Talker trotted up to his friend and pushed the book away. "Look, an entire regiment of guards moved out from the castle today. There were too many of them for it to just have been a training exercise. It has to be something more!"
Quick Quill frowned and put his book back up. "Why is that?"
"Refresh my memory; when was the last time you saw a training exercise of that size? Plus, I can read ponies, Quill. Something was up."
Quick Quill rolled his eyes and placed his book down. "Okay, we'll go investigate the guards, but if we get caught or it's nothing, I'm going to suggest your termination to the boss. Got it?"
Fast Talker rolled his eyes, but he grinned. He rushed over to his saddlebag and strapped it to his back. "Come on, buddy of mine! We've got an entire platoon of royal guards to stalk!"
Quick Quill groaned and shook his head. "Even if it is something, I'm going to request a different partner."
* * * *
Shining Armor and his soldiers stood outside the apartment building that the captured kidnapper had led them to. "Alrighty then. This is it. Do we have all exits covered?"
Shining Armor's lieutenant nodded. "Yep."
"So, unless they've already left, they're not going to escape."
"Yep."
He turned to his lieutenant and smiled confidently. "Well, Lieutenant, might as well not waste any more time." He pointed towards the building. "Send Alpha, Beta, and Woodpecker teams in!"
The Lieutenant saluted and pointed towards the building. Instantly, the pegasi guards flew through the windows of the apartment while the other groups burst through the entrances. Shining Armor himself led Woodpecker team through the front entrance, his horn fired up to protect his soldiers. Can't be too careful with criminal masterminds like this.
The room in question was on the second floor. Room two-oh-six. In no time at all, they were outside the door. Shining Armor raised a hoof to signal his colts to stop. He waved his hoof, and his Lieutenant moved in behind him while two more of his men took positions on either side of the door. Shining Armor himself moved in front of the door and charged up his horn. He glanced to the left, then the right, and nodded. With one short burst of magic, the door was blown off its hinges, allowing the guards to charge into the room. Shining Armor ran right after them, and they began to search the dingy apartment for any sign of either another kidnapper or Princess Celestia.
Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent that the apartment was quite empty. Shining Armor's heart sank as he heard more and more shouts of 'clear' from the guards searching the few rooms the apartment had to offer. She wasn't here.
He closed his eyes and shook his head as his second-in-command walked up behind him. "Where do you think she could be?"
Shining Armor shrugged. "Anywhere. I have to imagine that she's close, but here is not where she is."
The lieutenant opened his mouth to respond, but before he could a team of pegasi burst through the windows with a loud war cry. The leader of the team landed on the floor, flaring out his wings. "Unhoof Princess Celestia right now you... uh..." He scanned the room with a bewildered look on his face. "Did we get the wrong apartment again?"
Shining Armor frowned. "What do you mean by that?"
The team leader looked over at his captain, blinking in surprise. "Oh... Captain." His ears flattened under Shining Armor's gaze. "We may have crashed through the incorrect window when we first came into the building."
"That family was very understanding, though," another guard pointed out.
Shining Armor groaned and facehooved. "You have got to be kidding me." He sighed and walked over to the broken window. "I'm sorry to say this, but it seems that Princess Celestia is not here. She would have to have been moved in the past six hours which means that she could be anywhere from here to the train station by now."
"Wouldn't it be hard to sneak her onto a train?" the lieutenant questioned. "I mean, she kinda sticks out, doesn't she?"
Shining Armor nodded. "That's why I think whoever took Princess Celestia is still in the city. The problem is, Canterlot is not like Ponyville. There are dozens, if not hundreds of places that she could have been taken. But, we also have to keep in mind that she's disguised as a pink maned pegasus named Sunny Skies. That would make her harder to spot." Shining Armor turned to his soldiers. "I want teams sweeping every inch of this apartment and the surrounding grounds. Any clue regarding her whereabouts is to be brought to my personal attention at once, is that clear?"
The two guards saluted.
* * * *
"Tell me you got that," Fast Talker whispered.
"I got it, but I can't believe it!" Quick Quill collapsed his small portable microphone and shut off his tape recorder. "Princess Celestia has been kidnapped."
Fast Talker nodded dumbly before another wide smile split his face. "This is big."
"The biggest story of our career," Quick Quill agreed.
Fast Talker threw his foreleg around his partner's shoulder. "Whaddya think, major raises for the both of us?"
"If we don't get some serious cash from this, I will personally quit and give this recording to any newspaper that will pay us for this story."
"That's my colt." Fast Talker slapped his partner on the back. "Quick Quill, my friend, I think we have a story to write."
* * * *
Princess Celestia felt herself being taken out of the sheet after a fifteen-minute walk. Based on the sounds she had heard, they were in some sort of suburb not far from the apartment complex. Oh yes, it would be fun to see how Luna and Shining Armor found her here.
She felt herself being lifted into the air and placed down on the chair again. She was secured to the chair with ropes again, which she took as a cue to open her eyes. She saw her three kidnappers looking anxiously at her as she woke up. "I'm so sorry we did that again, Ms. Skies," said Mr. Xanadu. "Hopefully we won't have to do it again."
Celestia groggily shook her head to clear it. "Oh, it's okay. My head kinda hurts, though."
"Just a minute. Let me get you some ice for your head, okay?" said Mr. Xanadu. "This is my mother's house, so we should be safe here."
Celestia slowly nodded and Mr. Xanadu trotted off to get the ice. Celestia used the opportunity to scan the house. It was a relatively nice place. It was nothing extravagant like some of the nobles’ houses, but it certainly was cozy. She looked back at her kidnappers and gave them a reassuring smile to signify that she was okay, something that eased the noticeable tension in their bodies.
Mr. Xanadu returned with an ice pack and placed it on her head. Celestia thanked him and glanced out the window. Thankfully, Luna was doing a good job lowering the sun to raise the moon. "It would seem night has fallen upon us."
Her kidnappers also looked out the window and nodded. "Seems so," Mr. Xanadu agreed. "Time to hit the hay, I wager?"
Ms. Razzmatazz yawned. "Yeah, I think that sounds like a good idea." She turned to Mr. Xanadu. "What are the accommodations?"
"There's a couch over there and three rooms upstairs," he explained, pointing towards a nearby stairwell. He turned his attention to Celestia. "How are we going to deal with you? I can't imagine that chair is comfortable."
Celestia shrugged as best as she could. "I see no issue currently, but after a while it might get taxing."
Mr. Xanadu nodded. "I would imagine so." He took a length of rope out of his saddlebag. "Okay, this obviously won't stop you if you're really trying, but we trust you, okay?" Celestia nodded, prompting Mr. Xanadu to fire up his horn. The ropes around Celestia fell away, while the one he was levitating twisted itself into a sort of leash which he slipped around Celestia's neck. He beckoned her forwards and she followed him towards the couch. He tied the other end of the rope around the banister. "I'm sorry about this, but we wouldn't want to go through all of this trouble just to have you escape and tell the guards where we are."
"Oh, I understand," said Celestia as she hopped onto the couch. "Don't worry, though, I won't escape."
Ms. Razzmatazz smiled warmly at Celestia. "Well that's good, Ms. Skies." The mare trotted over to the adjacent couch and laid down on it. "You just get some rest now, and we'll try to sort things out in the morning."
After a round of goodnights, Celestia laid down on her couch and closed her eyes. she grinned and chuckled to herself. This. Is. Awesome.
* * * *
Morning arrived in the house, waking Celestia instantly. She looked out the window and saw her sun rising in the sky. "Good job, Lulu."
She swiveled her ear when she heard two sets of hoofsteps coming down the stairs. She sat up and smiled at her captors. "Good morning, mares and gentlecolts."
"Good morning, Ms. Skies," said Ms. Fallow. "Did you sleep well?"
"Oh very, thank you very much." Celestia turned her attention to Ms. Razzmatazz who was just waking up. "Good morning, Ms. Razzmatazz."
The yawning mare raised a hoof in greeting. "Mornin'."
"So, breakfast?" Mr. Xanadu motioned over to the kitchen. "I think that my mother has some stuff here we could use. If not, I'm sure I can run out and get something."
The group of ponies heard a thud on the front door, eliciting a smile from Mr. Xanadu. "Ah, that's the morning paper."
"I'll get it," said Ms. Razzmatazz "You get breakfast going."
Mr. Xanadu nodded and trotted over to the kitchen as Ms. Razzmatazz opened the door. Her horn fired up, and the paper was enveloped in her magical aura. She trotted back over to the sitting room and sat down next to Ms. Fallow as she opened the paper.
"Anything good?" Ms. Fallow questioned.
Ms. Razzmatazz didn't answer. She merely stared at the front page of the paper. Her mouth and eyes were wide open as she scanned the page. "Oh dear."
Mr. Xanadu's popped his head out of the kitchen. "What? Is there a problem?"
"Princess Celestia has been kidnapped!" Ms. Razzmatazz cried.
Celestia's kidnappers simultaneously gasped, and even Celestia herself listened intently. Wonder how they found out.
"What happened?!" asked Mr. Xanadu.
"It says here that Princess Celestia left the castle in disguise yesterday and was kidnapped by a powerful cult of ponies while she was at her weakest!"
Another gasp went through the group. "How can they do that?" Ms. Fallow whimpered.
Mr. Xanadu's eyes narrowed. "Why, if I ever came across those nasty ponies who kidnapped her, I'd introduce them to my hooves! I'd buck them into the next century!"
"Does it say anything else?" asked Ms. Fallow.
"It says that she was disguised as a pink maned pegasus named Sunny Skies," Ms. Razzmatazz went on. "That would..."
The atmosphere in the room evaporated as realization hit each of the kidnappers. One by one, each of the ponies turned their heads towards Princess Celestia. Celestia, for her part, had the largest smile on her face this entire time. Laughter was forcing its way up her throat, but she forced it back down.
It was Mr. Xanadu who finally managed to speak up despite the fact that he was leaning on the couch for support as if he had just had several heart attacks.
"... oh."
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also BUM BUM BUM
XD Hey, look. The kidnappers dropped something. What is that? ....OH, I KNOW! >:D It's a BRICK. Each of them dropped a BRICK. XD
Celestia, for her part, had the largest smile on her face this entire time. Laughter was forcing its way up her throat, but she forced it back down."
don't need the ",
also I cant wait to see the 'Heinous cult's' reaction to this.
Oh, that moment of realization....it's moments like that that make life worthwhile.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUSTED!
...and the shit hits the fan...
SHIT JUST HIT THE FAN:
2630725
beat you by 20 seconds
2630731 nooooooooooooooo.com/vader.jpg
and thus larry, curly, moe in this universe, and their male counterparts in this universe... found out how much shit they were in
That awkward moment when...
This will be fun.
...And then Celestia woke from her dream.
That moment when you realize, you are SO ROYALLY BUCKED. Literally.
On another note, I would offer services to help with the errors, (I write as well, just not my little pony stories) however, I'm not sure how much help I'd be here. I never really noticed too many problems overall, and normally I'm very meticulous when it comes to that kind of thing.
A powerful cult huh? *looks at the kidnappers* Really? Wow. I guess even the Equestrian press like to embellish their stories now and again....
You know, it's not really kidnapping since Celestia wasn't taken captive against her will; quite the opposite, actually.
I can see Tia's face right now.
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120527172946/mlpfanart/images/3/3a/Princess_TROLOLOL.png
Updates!
One does not simply send something to EQD without getting blamed for commas. Here's some help in general:
You missed a quotation mark over here.
'it' should be capitalized.
And otherwise I think you're overdoing it slightly with the said-tags. It's rare to see you use "x said", while it's usually more than fine to just write it.
But meh. This chapter, along with the following, is just perfect.
It's giving a quiet serious tone to the whole thing. Try it!
And then Mr Xanadu's mother came home...
"Oh, hello deary, didn't realize you were going to be bringing company over..."
*Spots the now obvious as hell Celestia*
"Well then.... I'm just going out to... create the most witnesstastic alibi I possibly can. You kids have fun."
Reminds me of the confrontation scene in "Night at the museum".
"Can you explain this?" The boss asked the guard, about all the tracks and sightings from the night before.
"...No." The guard finally said.
"...oh" is just about the most intelligent thing the kidnapper could have said at this point.
Well played, sir!
I'd be happy to help you if you still need an editor.
And thus, Discord got a "Get out of stone prison free" card that day. Coincidentally, a law was soon enacted that stated that anyone who can foalnap Celestia or Luna (disguised or otherwise) for 3 days without the guard finding them is to get 500 bits as a prize for pulling off such a feat, accompanied by one day of jail time for the act of foalnapping.
Oh god, my grin is freaking everyone in the room out right now.
I need more, that cliffhanger really rustled my jimmies!
I just giggled, twas a magical experience reading this!
Can't wait to read more! I would like to help edit, but I'm not sure how much of a help I'd be, I haven't edited a story before.
Best revelation ever.
Rereading this chapter over and over, and it still makes me smile. Can't wait fir the next chappy.
I think that should be pink maned pegasus.
i bet Tia wishes that she had a camera to catch their looks when they realized who they had...
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw8357-mlp_cliffhanger.jpg
Cliffhanger..... MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!
Well, they're screwed.
My, my, this is awesome.
must have more, MORE.
That reaction at the end is very appropriate. Reminds me of the reaction one of my OC's had when he found Princess Luna standing over him with murderous intent in her eyes:
"... damn..."
And then someone commented on that chapter:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9444-Wrong_Neighborhood-Luna.jpg
This only with Celestia.
Words escape me......BWAH! HA! HA! HA!
It would appear the feline has escaped its portable captivity, on top of fecal matter hitting the rotary air displacement device.
Things shall surely become interesting, indeed.
Love it cant wait to see what happens next. And speaking of that Rarity's niece serial killer I really need to work on fleshing out the first chapter of that project we talked about. My big problem is not knowing how to really begin it but that's my problem to deal with I suppose.
Celestial is THE biggest troll. Hoofs down.
If nobody else has taken you up on the offer, I could at least take a crack at the comma and grammar issues, after my college exams this week. If that's okay with you, BronyWriter.
This story's what, 18k words? That's just over two chapters length from one of my normal authors. I could probably knock it out in four to five hours. I give myself two hours for a normal 8000 word chapter.
On a slightly related note, I hate posting from my phone. It takes forever to type anything compared to my keyboard. Typos are rampant too.
Well, time to go buck themselves "into the next century."
HAHAHAHAHAHA i am dying right now
I don't even check EqD anymore. Especially after seeing some really good fics turned away because of biased, jerkoff prereaders. I'm sure they get a lot of submissions and I understand that they need to be strict but I've seen them be the most rude, insensitive, and generally unhelpful people in the fandom. Granted, they're probably not nearly that bad, if at all, but they've left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak.
That said, if you're still looking for help, I'd be glad to.
4.bp.blogspot.com/-dX--lNk_BFc/UAOJGyRPLeI/AAAAAAAAHT4/UHmpIKDtkn4/s1600/when_the_shit_hits_the_fan_321595.jpg
Well this is going to be interesting. I can't tell which direction I like better at the moment. The original was hilarious, granted the characters were pretty dumb as well, but the rewrite is hilarious in it's own way. I can't wait for the next chapter... Dang cliffhangers
You know i see that they are gonna flip out and do either 1 try and release her or 2. try and keep her(doubtfull) Either way I think Celestia is gonna ask them to let her stay and see if they can keep the out of the reach of the guards.