A Hint of a Location
When Princess Luna finally exited the mind of the stallion four hours later, after some of the best massage therapy she had ever experienced, it was with mixed feelings. On one hoof, she still wasn't any closer to finding her sister. On the other, those massages... her shoulders hadn't felt so good in years.
She smiled dumbly at the unconscious stallion before her. Normally, the fact that it was fear that had knocked him out would only leave him down for an hour at most, but with his skills, Luna had used some of her magic to make sure that he stayed down long enough to finish his massage.
Of course, there was still the major issue of the fact that she still didn't know where her sister was! Her smile faded, and she thunked the side of her head for letting personal pleasures get in the way of locating Celestia. "How foolish and selfish of me," Luna muttered. "I did not ask him about Tia once."
Before the Luna could do anything more, she heard the door to the dungeon open. She turned to the door and saw Captain Shining Armor trot down the stairs towards her. She gave him a slight nod, and he returned it with a small bow. "Any luck, Princess?"
Luna sighed and shook her head. "It would seem that the rogue hast been taught mind blocking techniques from whatever conspiracy group employed his services!" She scratched her lower jaw thoughtfully and peered at the prisoner. "I may have to use more... unorthodox methods to obtain the information we require."
Luna turned to Shining Armor with the intent of acquiring his opinion, but she was surprised to see him looking suspiciously at her. His eyes were narrowed and he was clenching his jaw as though he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. Luna cocked her head. "Has an issue arisen?" Shining Armor bit his lip and scratched one of his forelegs uneasily. Luna scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Permission to speak freely granted."
"Well..." Shining Armor cleared his throat. "I'm having a little trouble buying that he can mentally block you."
Luna raised an eyebrow. "You doubt the truth of my statements?"
"Yep." Shining Armor trotted over to the bars and examined the stallion behind them. "I'm having a little trouble believing that a stallion so dumb that that he personally delivered the ransom note to the palace has the brain power to block the pony who raises the moon every night and whose dream-walking spells are the stuff of legends."
Luna puffed out her chest. "I have never failed to get a dream confession!"
"And you want your record to be blemished by him?"
Instantly Luna's smug demeanor deflated, and with it, the lies. "I do not wish to relay what took place in his dreams. It is a matter between him and I."
Shining Armor raised an eyebrow and the first traces of a smirk tugged at the corners of his mouth. Luna scoffed and stepped backwards. "Take your mind and remove it from the gutter, Captain! My interactions are private." Luna narrowed her eyes and leaned in. "As is this conversation unless you wishe to have the soldiers under your command made aware of the games you play with your bride in the middle of the night."
Shining Armor's nostrils flared and his stance became more dominant, yet slightly fearful at the same time. "Hey, Candyland is a fun game. It was Cadance's favorite when she was growing up!"
"Be that as it may, must you squee like a schoolfoal when you reach Princess Lolly?"
Shining Armor groaned and waved a hoof in defeat. "Okay, okay, I won't tell anybody." The captain turned his gaze back to the prisoner. "Still, it would be best to interrogate him somehow. He is still our best bet of finding Princess Celestia."
Luna sighed and nodded. "You speak the truth. I shall awaken him and let you attempt to secure a confession. I am..." Luna hesitated. "Biased, and I fear it would affect our attempts."
Shining Armor rolled his eyes as Luna fired up her horn to wake Mr. Nacarat up. "Whatever you say, Princess. Whatever you say."
* * * *
Poker had gone as well as Celestia could have hoped. She had won back a good portion of her bits within an hour or so. She now sat in front of Mr. Xanadu, the only remaining player, with a grin on her face. The stallion in question still had a fair amount of bits left himself, but Celestia had been chiseling his winnings away as the hours had passed on.
Princess Celestia shifted in her chair and motioned for Ms. Razzmatazz to deal the cards once more. The mare dealt both parties five cards and pushed three bits in for the starting round. She lifted up Celestia's cards and fanned them out so she could see them. Ace of clubs, princess of clubs, nine of diamonds, four of clubs, and queen of spades.
Celestia's eyes flickered up at Mr. Xanadu, hoping to gauge his reaction to his cards, but he had a surprisingly good poker face. She mused that that was probably the only reason that he was still in the game, as the others... weren't. Ms. Fallow literally squealed in delight whenever she got as much as a pair of threes.
No. Focus. Win back the bits and then see what they do with that, thought Celestia. She whispered in Ms. Razzmatazz's ear to indicate which cards she wanted switched out, and received three new ones, while Mr. Xanadu received two. Celestia stared blankly at her cards, but was surprised to hear Mr. Xanadu speak.
"All in."
Celestia looked up at him and raised an eyebrow. Did he seriously...? She shrugged and nodded to Ms. Razzmatazz. "Put the equal amount in. I call."
Ms. Razzmatazz nodded. "Whatever you say, Ms. Skies." She pushed the proper amount into the pile. "Okay, show 'em, Mr. Xanny."
"Xanadu," he corrected. He glanced back down at his cards. "Erm... can I actually take that back?"
Celestia chuckled. "No, it's too late now. What do you have?"
Mr. Xanadu bit his lip nervously, but he slowly placed his cards down on the table. Pair of tens.
Celestia snorted and had Ms. Razzmatazz place her own cards on the table. "Pair of princesses. I win."
Mr. Xanadu groaned and the rest of the party cheered Celestia's victory. Ms. Razzmatazz scooped the bits into Celestia's coin purse. "Nicely done, Ms. Skies. Winning on a pair of princesses." She turned her head to Mr. Xanadu. "Must be pretty embarrassing."
Before Mr. Xanadu could respond, Ms. Fallow let out a loud gasp and shot to her hooves. "Princesses! We haven't heard back from Mr. Nacarat with the Princess' answer!"
"Oh yeah, we were doing something like that, weren't we?" said Ms. Razzmatazz. "Huh, what a thing to forget."
"Well if he isn't back, what do you think that means?" Mr. Xanadu frowned and stood up from the table. "Should we sit and wait for him, or should we do something else?"
"He's been gone for six hours!" Ms. Razzmatazz pointed out. "If he was going to be back, he would have already been back." She shook her head and stood up. "No, I think we need to come up with a contingency plan."
"Like what?" asked Ms. Fallow.
"I think the best course of action is to take Sunny Skies somewhere else." Ms. Razzmatazz placed the coin purse back in Celestia's saddlebag and slung it over her shoulder. "Mr. Nacarat can't turn us in if he doesn't know where we are!"
"An excellent suggestion," said Mr. Xanadu. "We could take her to my mom's place a few blocks from here. She's vacationing in Las Pegasus."
"Good." Ms. Razzmatazz sighed. "Look, Ms. Skies, I'm really sorry to have to do this to you again but... you know."
Celestia once more felt the pillow feeling on the back of her head. She once more dramatically fainted, letting her body completely relax. She soon felt the ropes around her slide off, and she was gently levitated onto the floor. She once more felt ropes tighten over her as her captors bound her legs together.
"You know, if we keep knocking her out, we might really hurt her," Ms. Fallow pointed out. "Maybe something a little less dangerous next time, yeah?"
"She's right," said Mr. Xanadu. "If we actually do hurt her bad, we'd get a lot worse than jail time for robbery and kidnapping. This is one of Celestia's most trusted servants!"
Celestia heard Ms. Razzmatazz grunt in agreement. "I suppose you're right. If there's a next time, we'll just hijack a taxi or something. That'll be easier and safer for all of us." The others voiced their agreement and Ms. Razzmatazz fired up her horn. "Okay, let's wrap her in this sheet. Nopony will see us move her if we do."
* * * *
Princess Luna was reclining in her room, reading the copy of Pinkie Pie's diary that she had made when she last visited Ponyville, when she heard a loud knock on her door. She sighed and marked her spot. "Enter."
The door opened and Shining Armor walked in with a smug smile on his face. "We got it."
Luna tossed the diary aside and stood up. "Where is my sister?"
"They took her to an old apartment complex a few blocks from Doughnut Joe's place." He beckoned Luna to follow him. "Apparently they nabbed her in an alley about half a block from that."
"We must sally forth and re-obtain my sister with all speed! Assemble your finest soldiers to aid in the retrieval." Shining Armor nodded and signaled to two nearby stallions who saluted and ran off. "Did that ruffian give you any more information?"
Shining Armor shook his head. "Nothing relevant. He and his group, didn't say how large it is, don't know that they have Princess Celestia, so that can only be good. I didn't get much more than that."
"It matters not," said Luna with a wave of her hoof. "I shall deal with such matters when we have reclaimed my sister and put an end to those ruffians who took her!"
"What are you planning on doing to them?" Shining Armor looked over at his assembling troops. "I mean, it's unlikely that they've hurt her at all."
"Kidnapping a princess holds only one punishment: death." A scowl crossed Luna's face. "It matters not how blatantly idiotic those foals are. It is still against all of our most sacred laws to kidnap the pony who raises the sun." Luna shook her head. "They shall die soon after their capture."
"Huh, I'm surprised that kidnapping a princess has come up enough to warrant its own law." Shining Armor shrugged. "Should we execute the one we have now?" Despite everything, Shining Armor had to hold back a smirk. "He was just as responsible for everything and I think we've gotten everything out of him that we can."
"On the other hoof, it would be barbaric to execute them without a fair trial," said Luna quickly. "Some of those old laws are barbaric, and perhaps there is some aspect of the case we are unaware of."
"If you say so, Princess." Shining Armor chuckled. "A fair trial it is. Should we start on his now or wait until we have all of them?"
Luna scowled. "We shall wait! He is in no state to endure a trial. It would be unjust of us to force one upon him now."
Before Shining Armor could respond, a page darted towards Luna and sank to his knees in a hasty bow. "P-Princess Luna, there's been an issue!"
Luna frowned. "Well, out with your message!"
"Of course, your majesty." The page cleared his throat and pointed back towards the castle. "Uh, there is a group of nobles in the courtroom as we speak. They are demanding to speak with Princess Celestia at once. I'm not sure what about, but I know she's taking the day off and I figured that it would be best if you handled it."
Luna glanced at the palace and let out a low groan before looking over at Shining Armor. The captain sighed. "It's okay, Princess. We've got this."
"'It is not that I am worried about." Luna rubbed one of her temples. "Those nobles can be... childlike."
"I know, but just remember that you're the one in control in the situation, not them."
Luna slowly nodded. "Very well. Lead the way."
The page bowed once more and led Luna back towards the throne room. Shining Armor watched her go, almost wanting to play a round of Taps for her, but she didn't need to hear that. Instead he turned to his soldiers with a determined look in his eyes. "Okay, mares and gentlecolts, you all know the mission." Shining Armor began pacing back and forth. "Today we rescue Princess Celestia from kidnappers! If all goes well, then I'll be buying the cider tonight!" The captain stopped in his tracks and turned to face his guards. "If it doesn't, then Iron Hoof shall be buying the cider."
"Oh, come on!" cried a guard in the back row.
Shining Armor shrugged. "Hey, I'm not the one who gets a large alimony check. If you didn't want to buy the cider for failed missions, then you should have lost in court when you got divorced." Shining Armor shook his head and waved his hoof. "But that's not important right now. What's more important is that we go get the princess!"
The collective guards cheered and raised their hooves into the air. Shining Armor levitated his helmet onto his head and pointed in the direction of the castle gates. "Let's do this!"
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2517953
And Luna is frolicking in somepony's head. And invoking Cadence just seems silly.
Poor Luna and Shining.
If they only knew that Tia's playing along with these nincompoops.
How is Tia going to let Luna know that she let this happen on purpose... without her blowing her lid?
An yes I remember candyland.......I remember how it smelled as I burned it to a cinder
2518054 Just keep telling her they used a magic inhibitor. But then, what would they use it on a pegasus for? Maybe it was enchanted rope.
2518079 . . .T_T *gets ion cannon* YOU MUST DIE FOR BURNING ZE CANDYLANDS!!! *fires*
I don't think this chapter could have been done much better. You have a real knack for comedy. It's shameless and silly without being too distracting or over the top.
So many mature references, then turned innocent by a comment.
That awkward feeling when you recall an authentic situation exactly like this and the political/media hurricane that was unleashed after it...
Anyhow, I WON'T believe that Tia did not burst out laughing after that taxi part. I know I almost did and it's almost just because I'm too tired to laugh properly.
... Safari has the most interesting spell-check out of three rainbowlaugh it only indicated the last one...
Oh, hey, suddenly they are no longer wrong...
Not gonna mention the like/dislike comment hands bobbing up and down whenever I hover mouse on them... oh well, at least it doesn't freeze like Opera or FF... yet...
Am I really complaining about irrelevant things? TOO LATE!
It's a good feeling to start reading the last chapter only to realize that there is a new one awaiting you. Even if they are a bit too short for comfort...
Then again, for me 5k words is barely moderate... 10k is happily acceptable and 15k+ is a dream come true... yeah, I'm weird like that.
Keep up the good work!
2518109 They had the most delicious cake and she couldn't leave til she ate it all
2518162 Sure. Hey, one internet cookie that when they get to that guy's mother's place, she's going to ask them if they want any cookies.
2518109
They don't necessarily know which disguise Celestia used.
2518165 no bet, she's on vacation
2518178 Oh, that's right! Forgot... Do you think she's going to ask for food? Like, she's already robbed them pretty much. I'm sure she needs to atleast use the porcelain throne.
This is hilarious!! I love this story so far, coupled with the frequent updates, this is the bet story I've read in a while! Keep up the great work!
I don't mind these frequent updates. Since I follow a lot of stories, it's easier to keep up with short chapter updates
...The chapters keep coming and the lulz keep flowing.
Oh Celestia is just having the time of her life. She got WAY more than she bargained for.
Am I the only one picturing the crook in the cells being sentenced to x years community service...as Luna's personal massuese?
just... just... don't stop.
I'll be honest, of all the "games you play with your bride in the middle of the night." ideas I was thinking of
candyland was not one of them
got a good laugh out of me
Yay.
The plot is extended.
2518191
Er... didn't you know? Princesses don't potty.
2518256
Ah! How I would tremble in
joyfear at such a sentence!Hm, I hope the issue of who owns the money will be addressed.
Also, called Luna's reaction. Maybe his punishment could be a job in the palace? Under Luna's constant supervision?
Also, I think that the palace force will think that Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra and a few evil geniuses are behind it by the time this is done.
2518006
Invoking me is never silly.
Y'know, all the random humour that's cropped up in the feature box today is a very welcome change to the endless stream of crossovers, HiE and melodrama that's been floating around of late. It's so nice to actually have something to read again!
Keep it up, this is great!
2518268
Well, sometimes we play Moneighpoly instead.
2518291 Huh, you learn something everyday. Here, have this.
ts2.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4811764523468633&pid=15.1
You win an internet apple for educating the public.
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2604-Luna_saw_what_you_did_there.jpg
If Bronywriter made a comment that said "Its updated" everyone would thumb up it
Oh my Celestia this story is good
! Cant wait for the next update 
and my couriosity might get the better of me before that
. Anyways, keep up the good work (and update soon!
) 
Nice
Well, this one has certainly been a joy to read so far.
2518006 2518312
If you don't want to invoke Cadance, there is a fourth princess now, primed and ready for the invoking and whatnot.
In this card deck, what's higher, Princess or Queen? By definition, it should be the Queen, but Celly is the Princess...
Let's get this thing read!
Oh god, that was hilarious.
I give you five moustaches.
Oops, one of them is a Trollestia.
2518312
But would you really want your name used in such a way? I am sure phrases like "Cadence damn it" are not too popular with the ponies, you, or your husband.
2518476
You sure she really wants the attention?
2518476
Princess Big Mac??
Like I said in the previous comment, the objective form of thou is thee. Shining (Thou/thee) is the object of this sentence- Luna (We) is the subject.
Wow, this just keeps up with getting better as we go. Good to see another chapter up, but how much exactly do you have planned so far?
No more lols please, I pinched a nerve in my back and almost passed out from the pain I was laughing so hard.
Yeah I'm for more frequent updates.
This fics to fun
2518247 I think they all did.
2518118...... *gets infinity blade*
come at me bro!!!!
Honestly, I'd kind of like the chapters to be a little longer...maybe 500-1k words longer....
Trust me when I say, that it's rare for me to say that.
I think you're writing checks you may not be able to cash! Because there is NO WAY you will be able to describe the faces of the Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight with anything like enough detail when they find out exactly who it was they kidnapped....