Unicron
Joined 25th Aug, 2011 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Flammenwerfer · 269k words · 1,603 57 · 30k views
- 2ndGearSage · 86k words · 1,238 60 · 20k views
- IAmNotSmartest · 30k words · 387 15 · 7.5k views
- Ssendam the Masked · 18k words · 233 13 · 4.2k views
- MintMetal · 5.1k words · 88 3 · 2.1k views
- xenobrony · 1.1k words · 95 4 · 3.6k views
- Mega NewWays97 · 23k words · 647 68 · 26k views
- Slaphappy16 · 35k words · 300 30 · 5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.111 seconds
Total duration
819 users online
1,133,863 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hmm...
The grammar, punctuation and spelling are a bit of a distraction, and the prose seems to be a bit repetitive.
The concept itself, however, is enough to keep me interested in spite of those things.
If you want, I can try to edit it for you, send you a draft and see how you like it? I'm looking to collaborate with someone.
Stereotypical misanthropic plot line so far. A lot of misspellings as well as random capitalization. You need to define the human counsel more than they are bad. With the current wording, they had laws in place that promoted freedom which Praxis apparently changed to more limiting laws. That might work post him going evil, but currently the dude fighting for freedom eliminated the laws providing freedom
199251 I seem to have worded that sentence incorrectly Sithis luckly I fixed it, it now says "As time passed Praxis destroyed old laws, which had limited freedom, and made new laws which promoted freedom, but not without some limitation"
199219 That would be very nice Nod but I've got one small problem I do not have an Email adress
My father would never approve...
199670 Reads much better now. However the last part still looks kind of odd. Mostly in just wording.
"As time passed Praxis destroyed old laws, which had limited freedom, and made new laws which would promote freedom, but not without some force of limitation."
Maybe change that to just "some limitation"
199776 alright I have changed it again, hopefully this sentence is fixed now, thanks for helping make my story better
199779 No problem. I'd kinda suck as a reviewer if I didn't. Plus I know how it is since most of the chapters of my main story seem to be mostly written at about 2 oclock in the morning so they are usually rife with misspellings and awkward phrasing. Do you have any prereaders? That's how I balance that out.
199782 Well I Have my friend: Gogeta, sometimes he prereads my things.
Much better read this time round. Heck, if I didn't know better I'd think it was a completely different story. Did Nodd just proofread or did he actually write some parts. Anyway, over the quality of this story is much, much higher than had been before. That said, I'm still not fond of stories that have humans as evil with no redeeming qualities. It's even worse when it's the theme of how corruptible we are by power.
202407 Nodd is now my offical Co-author he added parts to make the quality better. I owe him a lot of credit here, words cannot express my gratitude
202670
Just happy to be a part of the community
202407
Yeah, that's the fantasy genre for ya. The humans are bad. But Praxis wasn't so bad, until he got all that power.
TO everyone, I'm currently doing rewrites on chapter one. Should be up by tomorrow, I didn't know my schedule would clusterbomb on me like this.
Thats a good story