When Rainbow Dash receives a letter from Ponyville Hospital informing her she has 24 hours to live, she thinks her life is about to be destroyed. Her friends, however, help her make the most of what she has left.
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RainbowFlameThrower
Joined 25th Mar, 2013 ·
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Ok, the bare premise has promise, but overall, the whole story seemed poorly executed. I would recommend finding some good pre-readers who could help you turn this story into something much better.
i like it the thee reacation seem really tame spitfire finds out shes dyeing shes just like oh im sorry i duno just seems werid :L
First I would like to know what she is dying from just hell of it
Second if she was dying in a day she would probably be extremely weak and would still be in the hospital
Third I would be glad to help you with This if you like these are my favorite type of stories and I'm writing one these myself.
2466598
Well, the main reason for this account is for posting stories that I'm too embarrassed of posting on my main account, with the fear that they will disrupt my somewhat decent reputation.
2467831 Well, I have an idea. Get help with the stories that you feel such an account is needed for, and have them become stories that shine! I see a ton of potential with this one. It just needs to be developed more thoroughly.
I think I shall add this to my favorites, in the hopes that you do decide to rework this story into the story I feel it could be.
2467910
Uh, thanks. I'll think about that.
Good good you actuly broke me and thats a hard thing to do.
tell princess celestia that i'm dead? im sorry, but that line made me laugh a little... i have no idea why but it seemed funny
overall, great story! fluttershy says 'yay'! 
You got me
This reminds me of when I was writing my own tragedy story, but this one is much better. All the way I was thinking it was going to be like, 'it was all a dream' or 'the hospital got it wrong' or whatever, but it wasn't, and I'm... sad now.
2494812
Well my original plan was to have Twilight go to her house the next morning, and find her dead in her recliner, but then discover that she's not dead, just asleep.
I scrapped that, it wasn't strong enough.
Aw, that was sad... But I expected that Rainbow Dash finds out that the hospital sent the letter to the wrong person or something.
But it was a good story, and I enjoyed it. Good job!
2496550
Thank you
This is me while reading this
Great story
i nearly started
it is nearly impossible to make me
2526716
Well good.
Good bait and switch. I honestly believed that the hospital had gotten it wrong. It was a bit choppy and rushed but I get the tone you were going for. Oh please, for the love of Luna, fix that indent thing. I felt like I was reading a bibliography. A rather sad bibliography but a bibliography none the less. And what is your main account? I would like to read your other works too.
Apart from the hospital note being a bit brief, you captured some seriously strong emotions in this
really moving stuff
I don't get what's with these other people who read this, because honestly, I couldn't take it that seriously. It didn't make me feel very sad. To make me sad to this story, what you really need is a reason for her death. Because that usually makes me feel bad for the character. If there is no reason, it just makes no sense. Also, how could anyone who is dying even have energy like Rainbow Dash the day before they die? The reason they are dying would usually affect their physical abilities, don't you think?
I am not saying it is bad or good. It just didn't get to me because of the lack of the cause of death. She cannot die from nothing. You could have made this better if you added that. Also, just making her friends feel sad for her won't make the reader instantly feel sad. Like, put more detail in the character's fears and worries. We know what she feels she is leaving behind, but you should consider describing her feeling towards her friends in more details than just "I'm going to miss them". Let her think about each individual friend and why she misses them and why she is afraid to leave them.
This story also could have been better with less "This is what I need to do before I die" and a little more "I want to be with my friends til the end". That is the kind of stuff I go for.