Returning to Equestria
“Rainbow Dash is going to be fine.” I lied. “She just needs to rest for a bit first”
The four other ponies met my gaze shakily. I could see emotions at war on their faces. They weren’t stupid. On an intellectual level, they all knew I was lying, but at the same time they so desperately wanted to believe that it was true. But it wasn’t.
Rainbow Dash was dying.
I don’t know how we all managed to keep it together long enough just to keep her from bleeding out right then and there. I think, it was just that as long as we were busy doing everything we could to try to save her life, we couldn’t spare a moment to let everything sink in. I didn’t have time to process any emotional input while every bit of my brain was tied up in helping Rarity stitch Rainbow’s wounds shut and stop the worst of the bleeding. It wasn’t until afterwards, when we finally accepted that we had done everything we possibly could, that it all had time to sink in.
We’d stopped the worst of blood loss, and managed to get her stable for the moment, but it was only a temporary situation. Rainbow Dash had lost too much blood, her body had just taken too much damage. Rainbow Dash was going to die, and there was nothing I could do to save her.
I had failed.
We’d come so far, and fought so hard, but now all of it was meaningless. Without Rainbow Dash, there was no way to stop Discord. At best, once he got to Earth I might eventually be able to rally some sort of conventional resistance that could overpower him through sheer weight of numbers. If we got lucky, only a few hundred million people would die in the crossfire. Looks like Nicky was going to get his apocalypse after all.
It was cowardly of me, but I couldn’t be there for the end of it. I wanted to be there until the end, to give the ponies whatever comfort I could, but I just – I just couldn’t take it. Fluttershy’s quiet, muffled sobbing as she kept doing whatever she could to comfort the injured pegasus. Pinkie’s desperate whispering that Dashie was going to be okay, that she’d Pinkie Promised, and nopony ever breaks Pinkie Promise, not to mention that her hair had gone completely flat and straight. Applejack staring at her friend in shell-shocked guilt. And Rarity’s slowly cracking façade as she desperately tried to hold together the illusion that everything was going to be okay.
So I left them. I didn’t go far, just far enough away to buy myself a little bit of space. Ever since things had started going to hell in a handbasket, I’d been a pillar of strength for the ponies, the one who could handle all the craziness that was going on. The one who was going to get them out of this in one piece. If the ponies saw me crying then the tenuous thread of desperate hope that kept our group from completely falling apart at the seams would break.
I took a seat on a relatively clean patch of floor, and a few seconds later a single sob wracked my body. I’d lost people before. You spend enough time tangling with the bad guys and you’re bound to lose some friends eventually; no matter how good you are at what you do, sometimes the bad guys will win a few rounds. It still hurts just as much now as it did the first time it happened. As long as you care about others, it’ll always hurt.
Lash found me a few minutes later, thankfully after I’d managed to regain my composure. She looked every bit as bad as I felt. For a moment the two of us just looked at each other, both struggling to think of what we could possibly say in this situation. Finally, Lash spoke up. “You were wounded in the battle Harry. I should tend to it.”
I blinked, and now that she’d reminded me of them, I felt the pain of my injuries anew. I’d learned a lot about how to block out pain over the years, and between that and everything that was happening with Rainbow Dash, I’d forgotten that I hadn’t gotten out of my own battle with Tessa unscathed.
I gave Lash a nod, and a second later she spoke in her weird slightly echo-y voice, and the renewed pain of my wounds diminish, though it was still far from gone. A second later, Lash gave an annoyed little grunt, and then she tried again. And again. “Something wrong?”
Lash made an aggravated little sound in the back of her throat. “It’s not working properly. I think it’s because of the lightsabers. Your wounds are more akin to burns than normal tissue damage. Burns rarely take well to magical healing.“
Made sense. Fire, even plain old ordinary fire, has a certain magical potency to; it’s duality as a destructive and a cleansing force, both physically and spiritually. A lot of your folklore, from the ancient Greek myth of the hydra to modern fantasy games, will also tell you that fire is one of the few ways to permanently injure or kill something that heals from any ordinary wound. Hell’s bells, back when my left hand had gotten half-melted by some vampire goons with flamethrowers, there hadn’t been much I could do for it beyond giving at time to slowly get better on its own, and even after all this time it still wasn’t exactly up to 100%.
“You’re probably getting a little worn down too.” I added.
“Aren’t we all?” Lash was right about that. A string of tough fights, and nothing to look forward too except the fact that the next fight would be even harder to win than the last one. We’d been winning so far, but Rainbow’s condition made it all too clear that our victories were really more than managing to stave off utter disaster for a few moments longer.
Sometimes that’s all you can do. No matter how bad things get, you just keep holding on. As long as you’re alive, you’re still fighting, and as long as you were still fighting you could still win. We’d lost Rainbow Dash. Odds are we would lose more people before all this was said and done; I didn’t exactly like my own odds of survival once Nicky and Discord were ready to make their move. But we’d keep fighting. What else could we do?”
“Harry.” Lash’s voice was a weak, emotionally burned out croak. “You have a plan, don’t you?” I could hear the desperation lacing her words. Like the ponies, she already knew the truth, but was clinging to anything that offered the possibility of denying that harsh reality. “You always have a plan. Some way to turn things around when it looks like we’ve lost. It’s what you do.” Lash dropped down to her knees besides me, looking me straight in the eyes for brief moment before dropping her gaze. “Tell me there’s a plan. Tell me that everything’s going to okay.”
“I wish I could Lash. Hell’s bells, I wish I could.” I sounded tired, burned out, used up. “After …” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. “We’ll go back to Earth, I’ll warn the White Council, the Faeries, Michael and the Church, and anyone else who’ll listen to me. If we can get everyone working together, we can find some way to salvage things.”
It was a nice thought, but it wasn’t likely to work that smoothly. I had more enemies than friends on the Council, and for every person on my side or actively obstructing me, there would be a dozen wizards who would rather stick their heads in the sand and pretend there wasn’t a problem until it was too late.
“You’re just going to give up on Rainbow Dash?” Lash accused.
I sighed. “It’s not giving up, it’s just reality. Half the bones in her body are broken, both her lungs are collapsed, and she’s bleeding internally. Probably has damage to most of major organs too, not that we can tell that for sure when we don’t have much in the way of proper medical equipment. If we tried moving her, we’ll probably just kill her faster; going through the Outside is hard on a healthy person, let alone someone I her condition.” I ran a hand over my face and let a weary groan. “We can’t save her Lash. Sooner we accept that, the sooner we can get to saving all the other people out there that we still can. I hate losing her but it’s not like she’s immune to death just because she’s one of the good guys.”
An instant after the words left my mouth the answer hit me. From the look on her face, Lash had the same idea. We spoke simultaneously.
“I’m an idiot.”
“Harry, you’re a genius!”
It was brilliantly simple, really. Sure, Rainbow Dash was dying here, but back in Equestria she was a main character in a children’s cartoon. In other words, totally not allowed to die. If we could just get her back there in time, she’d be fine. Sure, a trip through the Outside in Rainbow’s current condition was liable to kill before we even got to Equestria, but any chance of making it out in one piece was worth going after. Even a million-to-one longshot was better than the nothing we’d been at before.
Still, there was no denying it was a Hail Mary pass. We couldn’t put all our eggs in one basket on this. “Lash, there’s something I need you to do, and you’re not going to like it.”
“You’re sending me away, aren’t you?” I guess she just picked the one thing I could do that was absolutely sure to piss her off.
“Yeah.” I confirmed. “Someone has to go back to Earth and warn the Council and everyone else about what’s coming, in case … in case things don’t work out on our end.”
“If you’re worried about the success of our mission, it seems far more sensible for me to remain here.” Lash got to her feet and started agitatedly pacing around the room. “You would not have survived against Polonius Lartessa if I hadn’t been here to keep Rosanna occupied. Having another wizard at your side could easily be the difference between victory and defeat in the coming battles.”
“Not against what we’re facing now.” I got to my own feet, but settled for just putting my back to a wall and standing still. “You saw how strong Discord is. He finds us before we rescue Twilight and get the Elements back, and one more wizard’s not going to make the slightest bit of difference.”
“It is true that in a contest of strength against Discord I could make no contribution, but he is not the only enemy we are likely to face before the end. A single wizard is still an asset, and you can hardly afford to weaken your own position at the moment.”
Lash and I were at an impasse on that point; we could argue until we were blue in the face different possibilities where her strength would or wouldn’t make a difference; it was time for a change of tactics. “Getting Rainbow back to Equestria in time isn’t a sure thing either Lash. Or Discord could kill of Twilight, or scatter the Elements across the multiverse. Or any of the dozens of other things which are totally out of our hands that can go wrong between here and the end. I don’t plan to lose, but we have to consider the possibility that we won’t be able to stop Discord in time. There’s too much at stake, someone has to get the word out.”
“You truly think Discord so dangerous?” Lash switched tracks as well. “He certainly doesn’t lack for malice or power, but he seemed more mischievous than wantonly murderous. If the worst should come to pass, I think the Earth could survive a few days of cotton candy clouds and chocolate rain.”
“Yeah, Discord probably wouldn’t kill very many people on purpose.” I conceded. “But if he decides to arrange a couple continents into funny patterns, do you think he’s likely to evacuate everyone living there to safety first?” To the folks who end up dead, it doesn’t really matter if they got killed out of malice or apathy. “Plus, he’s still an Outsider; his entire existence is antithetical to reality, and the more time he spends on Earth, the more he’ll mess with reality.”
Lash grimaced, and gave a single shake of her head. “Then you should be the one to raise the alarm.” Lash insisted. “You have connections with the Council, with the Winter Court, the knights of the Cross. You can raise the alarm more effectively than I could.”
“All those connections think I’m dead. I show up alive again, they’re more likely to think it’s a trap, and even if they don’t I’ll probably be too busy explaining why I’m not dead to actually make anyone listen to a word I have to say.” I gave a slightly embarrassed cough, and added. “Besides, you know the Outside better than I do. I can play navigator alright, but there’s a big difference between saying where the tracking spell points and doing the driving myself. I don’t even know if I could make it back by myself.”
Lash had her mouth halfway open to deliver a retort, but after a long moment she said nothing. She offered a few more half-formed objections, but she couldn’t put together a solid argument, and I saw the anger and frustration mounting behind her eyes. I went in for the kill. “Please Lash. You’re the only one who can do this.” Between the situation and our location, I couldn’t help but add. “Help me Obi-wan Lashobi. You’re my only hope.”
That got a brief chuckle out of Lash, proving that a joke doesn’t have to be very good to make someone laugh at it. She finally stopped pacing the room, and I heard her whisper four tiny words under her breath.“Damn you, Harry Dresden.” With a sigh, Lash gave me her final answer. “Very well, I’ll do it.”
“’Course you will.” I gave her a smile. “No woman can resist my rugged charms.”
“If that’s the case, perhaps you should be more careful in your dealings with the ponies.” Lash shot back with a smirk. “They are impressionable young women, after all.”
That set me back on my heels. I mean, they were cute little cartoon critters and all, but not that kind of cute. Ew. “Low blow Lash, low blow.
Lash gave me a mocking bow. “I learned from the master.”
I chuckled and gave a bow in return. Have to admit, while I’m generally not a fan of getting properly zinged, a part of me did admire just how effectively she’d shot me down. Credit where it’s due; she got me good with that one.
Lash and I just sat there, lingering for a long moment, before she spoke. “I should go. The sooner I get back to Earth…”
“The more time you’ll have to raise the alarm and get everyone ready.” I finished for her. I brought my hand up to my neck, and hesitated for a moment before handing my mother’s pentacle amulet over to her. “If you need some credentials, this should be enough to get your foot in the door with right people.” My mother’s necklace was a pretty distinctive item; at the very least my grandfather and my brother would recognize it right away.
Lash stared at the necklace in surprise for a couple seconds before taking it from me. Aside from my blood and one or two stories I’d heard from my father before he died, that battered little silver pentacle was the only thing I had that gave a real connection with my mother. Saying that it had extreme sentimental value didn’t even start to cover things. Plus, I killed a werewolf with it once (long story).
“One other thing, Lash.” I took a deep breath, and very weakly said. “If – if things don’t work out, make sure that pentacle gets to my daughter. And keep an eye on her for me, will you?” Odds were Tessa hadn’t spread the word on my daughter, she wouldn’t want someone else beating her to the punch after all, but I had plenty of enemies out there.
Probably even worse than the enemies, I had a lot of people who’d been after my power over the years. I still don’t know all the details about why they were after me, but everything from Outsiders like He Who Walks Behind (who I guessed was from a part of the Outside nastier than Fictionland) to Faerie Queens to even the Nickleheads had taken some kind of interest in me over the years. Some of my enemies might leave my daughter alone if I ever kicked the bucket, but the ones who were after me to serve as a pawn in their games would probably jump at the chance to grab Maggie as a replacement for me. Stars and Stones, Mab would just love to get her hands on a young impressionable girl with my bloodline instead of being stuck with someone as stubborn and insistent on doing things his way as I was, and Mab was theoretically one of my allies.
“I shall watch over the girl, should it prove necessary.” Lash assured me. “As well as attend to any other affairs you may leave behind.”
“Thanks.” Just ‘thanks’ sounded pretty inadequate for what she was doing to help me, but I couldn’t find the words for anything better. I’d gone through hell to save my little girl. I knew Michael Carpenter would take good care of her, probably a hell of a lot better than I could do even if I didn’t have all my other problems, but knowing Lash would be there too helped.
Lash and I stood there awkwardly for a moment. “Um, I’ll see you when you get back, Harry.”
“Yeah, talk to you soon.” I added lamely.
Lash turned around, and a second later the fabric of reality rippled around her. Then she was gone.
For a moment I just stood there staring at the place where Lash had been, and hoping I hadn’t made a really big mistake.
One short walk later, I was back at the Atrium again. The four depressed ponies were still clustered around Rainbow Dash, but all four of them perked up hopefully when I entered the room. “Alright guys –er, girls.” Smooth opening Harry, real smooth. “Here’s the plan. We need to make a stretcher or something so you guys can carry Rainbow Dash without jostling her around too much. Then we go back to Equestria, get some help for her, save Twilight, smack Nicky and Discord with the Elements, and then we all go to Pinkie’s victory party and eat so much cake we all get stomach aches.”
Seeing the renewed hope on the faces of all four ponies felt damn good. “Fluttershy, you keep an eye on Rainbow Dash while the rest of us rig up something to carry Dash with. Doesn’t have to be pretty, but we don’t want it falling apart on us halfway or bouncing her around every time we hit a rough spot in the road.”
The three ponies on transportation-building duty all hopped to their task, eager to finally have something they could do to help. There’s few feelings worse than helplessness; knowing that a friend is dying and there’s nothing you can do about it is probably the worst feeling in the world. I’ve had my share of times when the monsters got to me, but for all those experiences couldn’t compete with something like when Michael was in the hospital after our last tangle with Tessa and the Nickleheads, and I’d been outside an operating room with his wife and kids, waiting for some of the longest, most horrible hours of my life to find out whether he was going to survive.
Since things were finally starting to look up a bit, naturally this is when the universe decided to throw more trouble my way.
I felt them through the Force a few seconds before I saw them. Imperial shuttlecraft. Of course; we’d just had a knock-down drag out battle in the middle of the Empire’s capital, one with a bunch of Force users and lightsaber wielders, no less. That kind of thing gets noticed, especially when it all goes down in the middle of a ruined Jedi temple. Odds were, the Empire had some sort of monitors around the area, just in case any Jedi that slipped through the net started feeling sentimental and showed up. I don’t think it would to much good to try to explain to the stormtroopers that I was an interdimensional traveler, not a rogue Jedi.
“We’ve got company on the way girls. How’s the stretcher coming along?”
“It’d be goin a lot faster if someone wasn’t bein’ so fussy about every little detail!” Applejack shouted back.
“Fussy?” Rarity let out a dramatic gasp. “Fussy! I am not being fussy! I am simply trying to do things properly!”
“If by getting’ in done properly, y’mean takin’ five times longer’n we need to.” Applejack snapped.
“You would prefer we make poor Rainbow ride on a shoddy little pair of twigs that fall apart the instant somepony so much as sneezes at them, I suppose?” Rarity shot back archly.
“Both of you shut up!” If not for the trouble that was about to come down on all of us, I’d feel bad about yelling at the ponies like that. “We don’t have time for you two to argue. Rainbow Dash doesn’t have time for it.” The unicorn and farmpony both looked a bit ashamed when I mentioned the wounded friend they were inadvertently putting into peril. “Get it done fast, but get it done right.” I turned to Pinkie Pie. “If those two start up again, you have my permission to smack them both upside the head until they stop messing around and get back to business.”
“Okie dokie lokie.” For once, Pinkie Pie sounded deadly serious. With Rainbow’s life on the line, even our crazy little party pony wasn’t in a joking mood for once.
Fortunately Pinkie didn’t have to do anything more to keep her friends focused, but even though Rarity and Applejack were doing the best they could with what materials they could find, it was starting to look like they wouldn’t get done before the place was swarming with stormtroopers. It’s not exactly easy to build a stretcher out of whatever random crap you manage to find in a ruined temple with a five minute time limit.
Their best wasn’t going to be good enough. “I’ll go slow them down for a bit. Pinkie, as soon as they get that stretcher done, you take them and Rainbow and get out of here.” The ponies all looked like they were about to object to that last part, until I added. “As soon as you get them out of here and to somewhere safe, then you come right back here and save my ass!” I’m all for nobility, but I was planning on getting out of this thing alive.
Good news was, drawing the attention of the stormtroopers wasn’t hard at all. They were here to hunt Jedi after all, so a guy running around on the outside of the ruined temple with an activated lightsaber proved to be quite effective as an attention-grabber. The bad news was, these guys weren’t running around in unarmed shuttlecraft, and apparently unless you were a Jedi whose last name was Skywalker the Empire didn’t even try to take prisoners.
My goose would’ve been cooked if not for the fact that the stormtroopers were shooting at me with all their usual precision. Seriously, it takes some high-quality marksmanship to throw as much high-grade firepower at me as they did and not manage to score a single hit. It was enough to make me wonder if stormtroopers have a ‘no hitting heroes’ rule the same Equestria had all those rules that kept things from ever getting too kid-unfriendly.
Just in case the stormtroopers did actually manage to hit the broad side of a barn for once, I kept moving to make their job harder. Problem is, when you’re stuck up on a floating platform with half a dozen gunships flying around and swooping to take potshots at you, there aren’t many directions you can run in, especially since I wanted to keep moving away from the ponies. Despite its inaccuracy, the sheer amount of firepower coming my way wasn’t exactly giving me much time to do anything other than keep moving, and make sure I wasn’t about to lead the bad guys straight to the ponies.
I turned a corner, and managed to buy a few seconds reprieve from the storm of fire when they lost line of sight on me, and I quickly looked for somewhere I could slip away into. Because I have terrible, terrible luck, not only was there nowhere good for me to slip away into, but I was actually stuck in a dead end; about fifty feet away there was a downed pillar blocking any further retreat. Great. Just great.
I wonder, did the stormtroopers deliberately herd me into a dead end, or was I just that unlucky?
My life would’ve been less complicated if I had a way to get them out of their gunships and searching for me on foot instead. I mean, I could probably use the Force to down a gunship or two if I got creative enough, but using the Force like that was a big grey area.
Killing Denarians wasn’t a big deal; they’d cut so many deals with their demon-buddies that they didn’t even really qualify as human anymore But stormtroopers? They were just ordinary (well, potentially cloned, but otherwise ordinary) human beings who were just doing the job years of Imperial propaganda had told them was good and righteous.
One thing my magic and the Force both have in common is that they’re really about the essence of life itself. Using either one as a weapon to kill people, turning the very essence of life itself into a weapon of murder, it does bad things to you. I’d killed with magic once in self-defense, and the experience left a taint on me that still hadn’t faded away years later. Pretty sure it was part of why I kept having my stumbles with the Dark Side, though my most recent one was a bit more literal than the ones I’d experienced in the past. Once you let a bit of the darkness into your heart, it’s always going to be a part of you. Not a big part, and certainly not the most important part, but it would always be there. Another Yoda quote randomly sprang into my head: “Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny,”
So, I couldn’t run anymore, and my options for fighting were limited by my recent brush with the Dark Side. Not much I could do except stand my ground, and hope Pinkie showed up to pull my skinny wizard butt out of here soon.
A second later the gunships finally rounded the corner, and I mentally prepared myself to do as much dodging as I could. If I could dodge the first couple shots, there should be enough dust and debris to give me some cover, and a chance to double back around and make a run for it. Hopefully I could find a way to keep on the move without doing too much backtracking; every step I took back was another step closer to the ponies, after all.
I was so ready to put my plan into action that it took me a couple seconds to realize that the Imperial craft weren’t actually shooting at me. They were just floating there, watching me. I could only think of two reasons they could possibly be refraining from blasting me to bits; one of them was cautiously optimistic, and the other was really, really, really bad.
I stretched out my awareness to try and find out which it was. A few moments later, I noticed another presence A cold, dead presence that still radiated unspeakable power. A presence that was still miles away from me, but seemed to be headed right my way, and quickly.
So, the bad one then.
The Empire wasn’t going to trust stormtroopers to handle what they thought was a rogue Jedi, they were bringing in the big guns. I’d survived my fight with Tessa by the skin of my teeth, and only because she didn’t know as much as I did about the Force, and was held back by trying to use her lightsaber the wrong way. A properly trained Sith wasn’t going to have either of those problems.
And to think, I’d been happy when I found out I was in the Star Wars universe. Out of all the ways I expected I might eventually buy the farm one day, I’ve got to admit that getting gutted like a fish by Darth Vader hadn’t been something I’d anticipated. I thought about trying to make a run for it, but I’m pretty sure if I had the gunships would’ve gone from patiently waiting to blasting me into tiny little pieces.
A minute later the shuttle landed, and I could already swear I heard the unmistakable sounds of mechanical breathing. I was so utterly boned. Maybe I could find some way to stall for time, like the old fake surrender gambit. I doubt it would fool for them for long, but I only needed to hold them off long enough for Pinkie Pie to save my skinny wizard butt.
A landing ramp extended from the shuttle, and a single figure clad in an all-too familiar suit of black armor descended towards me. I barely understood how to use the Force, and even i could feel a tangible aura of cold, implaccable evil radiating off of the man.
“Yo, little orphan Annie.” I greeted one of the greatest villains in all of cinematic history. “’Sup?” Like I said, I tend to make really bad jokes when I'm scared.
In response, Vader slowly and deliberately activated his lightsaber. “I sense great fear in you, young Jedi.” Damn. It is so much harder to play it cool when the bad guys have that whole telepathic emotion-sensing thing through the Force. Then again, my whole ‘act like a smartass to hide how scared I am’ routine never seemed to work on the really smart baddies anyway. I guess when you’ve been in the evil business for as long as the likes of Nicodemus have, you’ve run into plenty of plucky heroes over the years.
Vader opened with a simple one-handed overhead strike. I blocked the attack two-handed, and still barely managed to keep it from hitting me. After half a dozen more blows I blocked by the smallest of margins, I was starting to feel just a tiny bit less terrified. Sure, I was still horribly outmatched, but every second I stayed alive was proof that things weren't quite as bad as I'd been afraid of.
I sensed an opening in his defenses, and went for it. I didn't hit, but for a brief second I'd forced him back on his heels. It wasn't a win, it wasn't even anything close to one, but it was a sign that I might not be utterly doomed. Maybe, just maybe, I had a slim chance of making it out of this in one piece after all.
Our blades met again, and with a single contemptuous flick of his lightsaber, the Sith Lord slapped my weapon out of my hand, sending it tumbling out into the void..
Or maybe Vader had just been toying with me for a bit before finishing me off.
Okay, this was bad. “Uh ... parley?”
Judging from his silence and the way he brought up his blade for a decapitating strike, it didn't look like Vader was in the mood for negotiations. Guess you have to be a family member to get a 'join me and we can rule together' offer out of him.
A second before Vader's blade would have taken my head off, a pair of pink legs grabbed me from behind, and yanked me out of reality.
“Nice save, Pinkie.” I never thought I’d be glad to be back in the Outside again, but it beat the heck out of where I’d been five seconds ago.
“No problem, Harry.” Pinkie answered, her voice still completely devoid of its usual light-hearted bounciness. “I grabbed your laser sword too.” Well, that was good news; since my lightsaber had just been my staff, blasting rod, and other wizard tools transformed by the dimensional shift, losing the sword would mean losing all my other gear. We were already in twenty different kinds of trouble as it was; I really didn’t need to be deprived of a big chunk of my ability to use magic on top of everything else.
The lot of us set off for Equestria; I didn’t bother firing my tracking spell back up this time; I was pretty sure Pinkie knew how to find her way home.
Passage of time within the Outside is pretty screwy, so I can’t say exactly how long it was between leaving Star Wars behind and when we ran into the complication.
At first I thought it was just another one of the Outside’s odd little currents. It’s hard to explain, but there’s a certain kind of flow to the Outside. I think if I spent enough time hanging out here and studying it, I could start to understand how all these current ebbed and flowed, what they all meant. I suspect that actually managing to understand the realm of anti-reality would have very unhealthy effects on my long-term sanity though.
Then the current moved, and I realized that it wasn’t some odd little weather phenomenon of the Outside, it was an actual entity. That was a fairly terrifying realization, to know that there was something out there that existed on such a huge scale. It made me feel very small, to realize that there were entities that existed on such a massive scale. It must be how ants feel whenever they look up at people, and realize we wipe out entire ant nests just because we find them mildly inconvenient.
“You see him too, don’t you Harry?” Pinkie spoke up. “It’s Discord.”
Wait, that was Discord? A fresh wave of fear hit me as I contemplated the sheer scale of the creature once more. We really were like tiny little bugs to him. Maybe that explained what his deal was; we were ants, and he was the bored little kid with a magnifying glass. What did it matter to him if we were suffering or dying? All he cared about was the fact that our misery could buy him a few moments of diversion before he moved on to his next victim.
But why was Discord in the Outside, instead of Equestria? “Pinkie, is he coming after us?”
“Nopey-dopey.” Pinkie answered tensely. “Doesn’t look like he knows we’re here.” I guess that figures; one of the advantages of being the tiny little ants, metaphorically speaking, is that it made slipping under the radar a lot easier to manage.
That did, however, raise the question of what Discord was doing running around in the Outside, if he wasn’t here to blast us before we even got to Equestria. “Where’s he going?”
Pinkie hesitated to answer for a few seconds, and finally admitted. “It looks like he’s headed for your home, Harry.”
“Crap.” Well, looks like sending Lash back to Earth was the right move. At least this way they’d have a bit of warning before Discord hit them. That did raise an interesting question for us though; did we still go to Equestria, or was Discord bringing Twilight and the Elements with him?
A quick check of my tracking spell confirmed that Twilight wasn’t with him; I couldn’t be sure about the Elements though. I could probably come up with some way to track the Elements using the connection between them and their wielders, but even if I’d worked the spell out, casting it while I was in the Outside was an iffy proposition at best.
If Discord was leaving Twilight behind, odds were he hadn’t left her free and clear. At the very least, he would have guards keeping an eye on the last pony we needed to rescue. More likely than that, this was all some sort of elaborate trap. We think it’s safe to go to Equestria and rescue Twilight Sparkle now that Discord’s gone, and end up getting hammered by something we don’t see coming now that we’ve let our guard down.
Didn’t really matter if this was all some sort of elaborate trap or not though; we still needed Twilight back regardless. Whatever nasty surprises Discord had waiting for us, we’d just have to find a way to beat them. “Keep us headed to Equestria, Pinkie.”
A while later, we hit the by now way too familiar experience of transitioning from the Outside into reality again. Right away I noticed something seemed a not quite right. Everyone except Pinkie was doing the usual moaning and groaning that accompanied every universe transition, but this time around there seemed to be a lot more complaining, and their voices sounded subtly off. I didn’t feel nearly as bad as the first time I hit Equestria, but I attributed that to being a bit more experienced with dimensional travel now.
It took me a second to realize that there was a very different answer; I was still a human. Seems like an odd thing to not notice right away, but when you spend your entire life as a human, you tend to start taking the whole being in a human form thing for granted. However, if I was human, then we weren’t in Equestria. I turned around to find Pinkie and get an explanation, and got my second helping of surprise.
Instead of five ponies, there were five human girls in their late teens lying on the ground. The bright, colorful and distinctive hair at least kept me from being too confused about what the heck had happened. Guess it figures that if Equestria turned people into ponies, there would be places somewhere in the Outside that turned ponies into people. I was just grateful that they’d also picked up clothes when they got turned human; I really didn’t need the awkwardness of seeing them humanized and naked.
Pinkie Pie, if the girl’s pink hair and general lack of Fluttershy-esque timidity was anything to judge by, was the first of the girls to recover from being humanized, and took one look at herself and her friends before letting out a very annoyed growl. “Horseapples! Ponyfeathers!” Hearing Pinkie Pie curse, even if it was just the very sanitized cartoon pony cursing, sounded strange and just plain wrong.
“What’s got you in a tizzle, sugarcube?” Applejack asked as she picked herself up off the ground. The stretcher the ponies had managed to cobble together for Rainbow Dash had been crudely harnessed to the girl, and when Applejack tried to get up on all fours, it didn’t take her long to notice the problem, and it startled her so badly that her reaction nearly dumped Rainbow Dash onto the ground. ”What in tarnation?”
Rarity got as far as, “Applejack, what ever are you making such a fuss –“ before she realized what was going on herself, and let out a shocked and horrified yell.
Fluttershy opted for her classic ‘try to hide behind her hair and disappear into a hole in the ground’ routine she always fell back on when nervous or unsure of herself.
Rarity was the first non-Pinkie ex-pony to recover from her shock. The former unicorn turned a toxic glare at Pinkie and in a saccharine sweet tone that gradually transitioned into an enraged screech said. “Pinkie Pie, darling, be a dear and FIX THIS NOW!”
I opted for a calmer approach, but I suppose I wouldn’t be nearly so upset when I hadn’t undergone any involuntary shapeshifting. “This isn’t Equestria.”
“No, really?” Pinkie snapped at me in a very un-Pinkie display of biting sarcasm. My fault for playing Captain Obvious in the hopes of calming everyone down.
“What went wrong Pinkie?” I asked the guide, still trying to stick to playing the voice of reason. We were still on a time limit to get Rainbow back to Equestria, after all; letting everyone take five minutes to make a big deal out of being human-ified was time we couldn’t afford to spend.
Pinkie rubbed a fist under her chin, a motion that seemed oddly out of place until I realized it would be a lot more sensible if she were in pony form and doing it with hooves instead. “Equestria’s supposed to be here! Discord must’ve messed around with things so much that it’s destabilizing the relationship between the real Equestria and the derivative universes.”
“Derivative universes?”
“Yeah. Like, if someone makes a story that isn’t part of the real Equestria, but enough people read it and believe in it, then...“
“It makes its own little pocket-dimension.” I guess it did kind of make sense. I mean, if a piece of original fiction could make a whole new universe sitting in the Outside once it hit whatever the critical mass was supposed to be, it figured that a fan work that hit the same critical mass would do the same thing.
Super. Not only did we have to find Equestria, we had to find the right Equestria out of who knows how many other versions of it. “You can find the real Equestria, right Pinkie?”
“I can definitely find it.” Pinkie assured me. “I’ll need to pop around a bit to figure out how much Discord changed things, but I’ll definitely find it eventually.”
Eventually. That’s a surprisingly ominous word, sometimes. I gave Rainbow Dash a quick once-over, or as much of one as I could manage when she was mostly covered in bandages. She was still alive, but her condition was fading fast. “Pinkie, we might not have time to find Equestria eventually.”
For a second it looked like Pinkie would break down crying right then and then and there, but she forced herself to hold back her tears, and rushed forward to grab the lot of us. “Then we better get started right away.” She declared seriously, before taking us back into the Outside.
We landed into reality right in front of another Pinkie Pie. If it were any other pony, there being more than one of her would’ve surprised. At least I and everyone else were ponies this time around; that had to be a sign that at least Pinkie was on the right track.
“Howdy!” Pinkie #2 bounced around us, and her eyes fell on the injured Rainbow Dash. “What happened to Dashie? I was gonna make cupcakes with her this afternoon!” The second Pinkie gave Dash a quick once-over, and then cheerfully declared. “Oh well, it looks like I can still make cupcakes with her, it’s just not gonna be as much as I was hoping for. Darn.” The second Pinkie looked dejected for a moment, before turning her attention to us with a slightly maniacal gleam in her eyes. “Oh, I know! Maybe one of you could help me make cupcakes instead!”
Without a word of warning or explanation, our Pinkie yanked us out of the dimension. “What was all that about?” I asked.
“You don’t want to know.” I was about to tell Pinkie Pie that yeah, I kinda did, when she repeated very firmly. “You don’t want to know.”
Okie dokie then. I guess that odd little encounter would just have to remain a mystery.
We popped back into reality in the middle of some sort of barren wasteland.
“Celestia’s flaming orgasms!”
“Oh wow, we’re still way off-base.” Pinkie commented, before waving at the very shocked unicorn in front of us. “Hey there Littlepip!” Before the stunned unicorn could reply, Pinkie zapped us out again.
The next bit of reality we hit at least looked like the Equestria I was familiar with, so that was a good sign. The Applejack doppelganger standing a few feet away, staring at the lot of us along with her little sister proved we were still off-target though.
“Gravy!” Applejack #2 exclaimed.
“Buy some apples!” Applebloom added.
“Think I got it figured out now.” Pinkie declared cheerfully. “We’ll be back in Equestria in two shakes of a pony’s tail. Well, a pony other than me, ‘cause if my tail was shaking then it would mean something was about to fall.” Pinkie tugged us back into the Outside.
Our final landing put us on what looked like the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. From the look of things we’d landed in Equestria at noon, and on a scorcher of a day too. At least, I was pretty hopeful that that this time around we’d finally hit Equestria proper, since a second or so after we arrive Pinkie cheerfully declared. “See? I told you guys I’d get us back home eventually!”
Being back in pony form wasn’t exactly the happiest experience of my life, but it went with the territory. At least what muscle memory I had of how to move like a pony hadn’t disappeared on me after a couple days of being back to humanity. I still felt awkward compared to my normal self, but it was a nice improvement over where I’d been the first time I landed in Equestria, and had a hard time managing anything beyond the basic tasks of standing up and walking.
I trotted over to Applejack, and joined Fluttershy in giving Rainbow Dash a quick look-over. There were so many bandages covering the wounded pony that she resembled a mummy, but she was still breathing. We’d made it in time. Rainbow would still probably need months to heal from her injuries the normal way, but the land of magical ponies should have some decent healing spells available to speed the healing process up.
I brought up my tracking spell in the hopes finding out which way we needed to go to find Twilight, but instead of anything useful the spell told me she was straight down. Weird. Considering the differences between my magic and Equestrian magic, my tracking spell must be glitching out on me.
I was about to consult the other ponies for advice on what our next should be when I heard the sound of something crashing through the trees. The five of us tensed up and got ready for trouble, just in case it was one of Discord’s minions or some of the Everfree’s local wildlife, but instead a vaguely familiar looking grey pegasus crashed through the treetops and landed on a nearby branch. It wasn’t until I saw her crooked eyes that I remembered where I’d seen her before. The pony who’d delivered Discord’s letter.
“Hey girls!” The pegasus (Rainbow had called her Derpy, right?) called out to us. A second after she called out her greeting, the tree branch she’d been standing on broke, tumbling the pony unceremoniously to the ground. Derpy got back up on her hooves, gave a quick shake of her head to clear out the (literal) stars spinning around it, and continued on as if nothing had happened. “The princess told me I’d find you here, so I came here and I found you!”
The pegasus’s crooked eyes fixed on Rainbow Dash, and she immediately flitted over to the wounded warrior. “You okay Rainbow Dash?” Derpy practically yelled into Rainbow’s ear. Rainbow groaned in response, which seemed to be enough of an answer to satisfy Derpy.
“Derpy, sugarcube.” Applejack began, displaying her usual patience for oddness of the ponies around her. “You said the princess sent ya to find us; don’tcha reckon ya oughta take us back to her?” Applejack tossed a look over her shoulder at Rainbow Dash, “Bet the Princess could patch Rainbow up right good.”
“Oh yeah!” Derpy agreed, nodding enthusiastically. The wall-eyed pegasus promptly began leading us on a meandering course through the woods, until we hit the outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres. Derpy shot a slightly ashamed look back at Applejack, and said. “We kinda needed food to eat, so we’ve been taking apples from your orchard. Big Macintosh said it was okay.”
“Big Mac’s alright? What about Apple Bloom and Granny Smith?”
“They’re okay too.” Derpy glanced over at Rarity, and added. “And Sweetie Belle. The Princess saved them all before Discord got to them.” Derpy gave a big, goofy grin, and cheerfully declared. “I helped her!”
“Well thank ya kindly, sugarcube.”
“Yes, thank you very much Derpy. Once all this is done I’ll make you a nice dress, no charge.”
Derpy didn’t say anything in response, but the happy little grin that refused to leave her face for the next several minutes was answer enough.
Eventually we reached the edge of Applejack’s orchard, right in front of the barn. Derpy hesitated for a moment at the edge of the treeline, and then quickly flew over, pulled open a pair of cellar doors near the barn, and shot inside. “In here!” The pegasus called out to us. “Hurry! It’s really hot when you’re not in the shade.”
“Uh, sugarcube?” Applejack called out uncertainly. “You sure the Princess is in mah apple cellar?”
“The Princess made it bigger.” Derpy called back. “She told me this was an underground resistance movement against Discord, so I made sure we found a good underground place to use.”
The ponies and I all looked at each other, and there were shrugs all around. With the benefit of hindsight, maybe sending the village idiot out for vitally important messenger duty wasn’t the best strategy, even if she worked for the post office most days. With no better course of action to follow, we sprinted across the open field and into the apple cellar. Derpy was right about one thing; it was hot enough outside the shade to fry an egg on the sidewalk.
True to the grey pony’s words Applejack’s cellar looked like it had undergone some rather extensive renovations recently. The most notable addition was a large door at the opposite end of the cellar, guarded by a pair of very burly and heavily armored dark grey pegasi. I couldn’t quite tell in the poor lighting conditions of the cellar, but I could swear they had bat wings instead of the normal feathery pegasus wings.
The two door guards gave us a critical once-over, and then opened the door for us. Derpy lead us through a confusing warren of tunnels that all looked freshly dug, until we came to yet another door guarded by another set of identical pegasi to the first door. After another few seconds of examination, the two guards opened the doors for us, and we were granted admittance to the throne room.
Well, as much of a throne room as one could have when you were stuck in a hastily-constructed underground tunnel complex. Considering how much time it had been since Discord took over they’d done a pretty good job; the walls, floor, and ceiling were all nicely packed down instead of being made of loose crumbly earth, there were no tree roots hanging from the ceiling, and there were even a few rugs and a pair of crude wooden thrones. The larger of the two thrones sat empty, but the second throne held the Princess of the Night.
“VALIANT DERPY HOOVES.” Princess Luna announced with her usual ear-blasting volume. “WE ARE PLEASED TO SEE THAT THOU HAST ONCE AGAIN RETURNED SUCCESSFULLY FROM THE TASK THAT WE HAVE ASSIGNED TO THEE.” Derpy gave an almost sheepish grin as she dropped down into the pony equivalent of a bow. “PLEASE REMAIN, VALIANT DERPY HOOVES, WHILE WE DISCUSS MATTERS OF GRAVE IMPORT WITH THE BEARERS OF THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY.”
By the end of Luna’s introduction, all of us were rubbing our ears in pain, something the Princess graciously took note of, if her lowered volume was any indication. It had been bad enough last time, but now that we were in a confined space with little miss yelling pony, her ongoing volume control problems were really bad.
“We are pleased by thy return, Bearers of the Elements of Harmony.” Luna declared. “When we learned of Twilight’s captivity and your own absence from Equestria, we feared that all might be lost to us. Thy return brings renewed hope to our cause.”
I dug back into my brain for what I could remember of my old-fashioned protocol, and hoped it would be enough to satisfy the rather behind-the-times princess. “Your Highness, if I may?” Luna gave a nod for me to proceed. “We have just returned to Equestria after many trials and tribulations. As Your Highness can no doubt see, our companion Rainbow Dash is in need of medical treatment, and in truth we know little of what has occurred in Equestria during our absence.”
Luna gave a single regal nod to me, which presumably meant I hadn’t done too badly at following the old rules of conduct, and took a few steps down from her throne to get a better look at Rainbow. “Our personal physicians shall attend to Rainbow Dash’s wounds, and we lend our power to their aid in the casting. We shall have need of her strength for what is to come.” Luna seemed to hesitate for a moment, and then very slowly continued. “As for the matter of what has passed in Equestria these last days … ‘tis a difficult matter to discuss.”
“Discord turned Princess Celestia mean.” Derpy Hooves announced.
Luna shot a look halfway between annoyance and gratitude at the grey pegasus. “Though it saddens us, what valiant Derpy Hooves says is true. ‘Twould seem that after he captured our sister, he worked his foul magics ‘pon her, until he twisted her much as we were once twisted.”
“So, Discord turned her into, like Daymare Sun?” Pinkie asked with something resembling her usual level of bubbly enthusiasm. I guess knowing Rainbow Dash was going to be alright had finally bumped her mood up a bit, though her hair still hadn’t gone back to bouncy.
“That name is unacceptable.” Luna declared regally.
“How about White Snooty then?” Pinkie offered reasonably. “Or Princess Pernicious?”
“NO!” Luna snapped, slamming a hoof on the dirt floor giving us another dose of the old booming royal voice. “OUR SISTER’S NAME IS CELESTIA. SHE SHALL BE FREED FROM FOUL DISCORD’S CONTROL ‘ERE LONG. WE SHALL NOT SEE HER BANISHED FOR A MILLENIA, AND HER NAME BLACKENED AND REPUTATION BLACKENED UNTIL THEY STRIKE TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF FOALS!”
Luna closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and when she spoke again her volume was back to only mildly deafening. “We apologize for our outburst.” An aura of midnight blue lifted Rainbow Dash out of the makeshift stretcher. “We shall attend to Rainbow Dash’s wounds. We suggest that thee and thine companions find thy rest. All of us shall have much to do ‘pon the morrow. We shall speak more on this matter then; for now, the well-being of thy companion Rainbow Dash is of greater importance.”
After Princess Luna dismissed us, the group split up. Each of the ponies had friends, family, and pets to check up on, and after everything I’d gone through I was ready to take Luna’s advice and grab a bit of shuteye. One of the guards directed me to the closest bed chamber, and within moments of finding a bed I was out like a light.
When I woke up the following morning it was to a symphony of aches and pains. Maybe I could blame some of that on the fact that I wasn’t exactly used to sleeping while horse-ified, but I’m pretty sure most of it was from everything I’d been putting my body through lately. If Lash hadn’t been able to patch me up somewhat, I probably would’ve been so sore I wouldn’t even be able to get out of bed. As it was, taking a week off sounded really, really tempting.
Even after a full night of sleep, I was tired. Drained, physically and psychologically. The ponies had to be in just as bad of shape as I was. Most of them had taken some flavor of physical injury, and after going through the twin horrors of mind control and demonic possession, not to mention all the violence they’d found themselves thrust into, I expect most them had some mental scars to go along with the physical ones. And all this was just from dealing with everything leading us up to this point; we still had Discord and Nicodemus to deal with.
Unfortunately for this slightly used wizard and his new pony friends, the bad guys weren’t going to give us time off to patch up our wounds and get over our traumas. We could rest once all this was over; for now all of us didn’t have any choice except to clench our teeth and keep soldiering on. Things were bad, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel. All we had to do was keep hanging on long enough to get there.
The first thing I needed to do was check in on Rainbow Dash. Sure, Luna should’ve healed her up just fine, but there was a big difference between knowing intellectually that Rainbow Dash should be fine and seeing it with my own two eyes.
The second thought on my mind wasn’t so much an articulated intellectual thought as a primal urge expressed by my growling stomach. Given the fact that the ponies weren’t likely to be able to provide me with a hamburger or the like, I opted for visiting Rainbow Dash first. I could survive just fine on a vegetarian diet if I had too, but it just doesn’t seem like a proper meal to me if there isn’t any delicious animal flesh included in the package. Then again, now that I was back to being ponified my herbivore teeth were all wrong for actually eating meat, and it would probably cause trouble for my digestive system anyway.
A couple questions to passing ponies got me directions to the makeshift medical area, which I assumed was the best place to find Rainbow Dash. I was a bit surprised when I saw Pinkie Pie waiting outside the door; from how close Rainbow and she seemed to be, I had been expecting to find her practically glued to the wounded pegasus’ side.
“Hey Pinkie.” I called out to her, only to have her lift a hoof to her lips and make a very forceful shushing noise at me. I wasn’t quite sure why, until I got close enough to hear an indistinct voice with a very country twang speaking in the other room. Looks like Applejack had beaten us both to Rainbow.
Once I got up to the door along with Pinkie, I figured out why she’d warned me off, though I’d had a pretty good guess at it beforehand. Accompanying the farmpony’s words were frequent sniffles and other unmistakable sounds of a very upset pony. Considering where Rainbow’s injuries had come from, it figured that Applejack would need a bit of privacy.
“Dashie’s fine, but she hasn’t woken up yet.” Pinkie whispered to me. “Applejack and Fluttershy are in there with her now, and I didn’t wanna interrupt.”
I nodded, and while it felt a bit wrong to listen in on the other ponies, my curiosity and concern for all the ponies’ wellbeing outweighed my guilt. If Applejack was still drowning in guilt the next time we had serious trouble on our hands, it could add some nasty complications, especially with how fond Discord seemed to be of mind-games the last time I’d run into him.
“It’s not your fault Applejack.” I heard Fluttershy softly reassuring the other pony. “The Denarian forced you to do it. I know you would never want to hurt Rainbow Dash on your own.”
“But that’s just it, ‘shy” Applejack answered, letting out another mournful sniffle. “You know Rainbow and I butted heads every once in a while. Hay, we’ve even gotten into a tussle or two before, like during the Running of the Leaves. What if there was some parta me that wanted to beat her up? Y’all told me last night that Pinkie managed to get loose from the mind control ‘cause of Dash, and Rarity broke free instead of hurtin’ you. But I beat the feathers outta poor Rainbow, instead of getting’ free like they did.”
“You really shouldn’t blame yourself Applejack.” Fluttershy insisted. The gentle pegasus’ voice dropped down to a barely audible whisper. “Um, it wasn’t really your fault. Rainbow would’ve been fine if I hadn’t hurt her earlier.” Oh feathers. Guess our plan to keep that uncomfortable fact hidden from Fluttershy hadn’t worked out.
“When they rescued me from my mind control, Rainbow Dash was hurt.” Fluttershy confessed. “She said she’d just had a rough landing, but I think…” Fluttershy’s words trailed off into muffled sobs, until she finally managed to choke out. “So you see Applejack, it’s really my fault. The only reason you hurt her was because I hurt her first.”
Now it sounded like both of the ponies were crying, and I was horribly tempted to go in there and try to do something, anything I could to comfort them. I mean, I guess I could go in there and try to explain that neither of them should blame themselves for something Discord and the Denarains forced them to do, but that wouldn’t be enough. I could try to explain all the fuzzy little details of mind magic, or at least as much as I knew about it, and how that explained why Rarity had been able to break out the mind control but Applejack and Fluttershy hadn’t. Fluttershy’s Fallen had specialized in mind control after all, and from what Sanya had told me Magog pretty much shut down all of his user’s higher brain functions and replaced them with animal rage.
A technical explanation wouldn’t do any good though. Guilt doesn’t work that way. I would know.
I couldn’t think of any meaningful way I could comfort the two ponies, beyond offering a bunch of stale, empty-sounding platitudes. Certainly not anything that would help enough to make up for how much knowing I had heard their conversation would upset them. Judging by the tears building up in her eyes and the way her hair had lost some of the bounce it had regained since we got Rainbow to safety, Pinkie was in the same situation.
Have I mentioned how much I hate feeling helpless?
Eventually, the two ponies visiting Rainbow managed to collect themselves enough to leave the room, thankfully choosing a different exit from the one Pinkie and I were lingering outside of. A minute later the two of us trotted in to check on Rainbow.
Compared to how she’d been yesterday, Rainbow looked great. If I hadn’t known about everything the pegasus had been through, I’d probably think she was just peacefully sleeping, not recovering from life-threatening injuries.
“Hey Dashie.” Pinkie whispered quietly to the sleeping pegasus. “You’re gonna be in so much trouble when you wake up, because you Pinkie Promised you wouldn’t get hurt, and then you broke your Pinkie Promise.” Pinkie leaned in and gently nuzzled the sleeping mare. “Nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise.”
As I looked down at the sleeping pegasus and the mournful pink pony, an odd through struck me. For some reason, despite all my efforts to suppress the bizarre urge, and I couldn’t help but start quietly laughing. Before long, Pinkie was looking at me like I’d gone completely crazy, and when Pinkie thinks you’ve gone off the deep end, you know you’re in trouble.
As soon as I’d regained my composure, I gave her an explanation. “I just realized, we had the entire Outside to work with. Even if we’d lost Rainbow, there were a couple thousand ways of bringing her back to life. Hay, it probably would’ve made Rainbow’s day if we’d brought her back as a cyborg or something.”
I got a tiny little snort of laughter out of Pinkie at that, which slowly evolved into a proper giggle, “Poor Dashie! She coulda had, like, laser eyes and missile launchers and jet powered wings! She’s gonna be sooooo mad at you when she wakes up!”
That set me to laughing again, and soon the both of us were rolling on the floor, laughing like loons. It felt good to laugh, to just forget about all the trouble we’d been through, and all the trouble we still had left to deal with, and it was nice to see Pinkie back to her usual cheerful irreverent self after seeing her be so sad and serious ever since Rainbow got hurt. Our crazed laughter eventually drew the attention of Fluttershy and Applejack, and then Rarity came trotting down the hall towards us. The sophisticated unicorn took one look at the two of us, sighed, shook her head, and grumbled something about Pinkie Pie’s random ways.
Eventually, the two of us calmed down enough to stop making every pony that could hear us think Pinkie’s finally gone off the deep end. “Are you quite done now?” Rarity asked flatly.
I nodded to Rarity, only for Pinkie to blurt out. “Laser eyes!” and set the both of us to giggling again. Rarity patiently endured our second outburst, and once we were finally done she spoke to me. “Harry, the Princess informed me to bring you and the others to meet with her at once. I believe she wishes to discuss what our next move should be.”
“Our next move?” It’s not like the next step was hard to figure out. “We are going to take back Equestria.”
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I applaud thee for such a great chapter.
And Dresden...really? "Yo, little orphan Annie!" ? This is why you wouldn't last very long in the Star Wars universe. The Emperor would probably kill you just to shut up your snarky mouth. Or be utterly baffled that a "young" Jedi is uttering strange sayings and phrases.
Either way awesome chapter.
Can I get a Rainbow Dash with a lazer beam attached to her forehead?
Harry Dresden vs Darth Vader...
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/aww-yea-meme-original.jpg
Quite the epic chapter, my good man/woman/author/thing.
Quite.
Nice use of Fallout Equestria and Cupcakes in this story!
My reaction to the cupcake reference: -_- --> O_O
Vader for the win!
-Glassed
“I sense great fear in you, young Jedi.”
Awwww Yeaaahh. THIS is what happens when you muck about having a lightsaber and force duel in the middle of downtown Imperial Center Harry.
How do you keep doing this? Seriously, repeatedly being awesome to the point where it can't just be luck?
I should have known they'd find a way to patch up Dash, but... god, you really had me worried for a minute there. And I should repeatedly punch you in the kidneys for putting her and the other ponies through so much... I just wanted to run in there and tell AJ it wasn't her fault.
While the brief jaunts into Cupcakes and Fallout:Equestria were great, I'm kinda disappointed you didn't have them appear in Garry's Mod with the Team Fortress 2 mercenaries.
Wait. Harry was in Star Wars, and didn't even think about bacta tanks?
474943 They had to get bacta the main storyline.
Man, I cannot believe I just typed that.
474943
But where would they find one in time to save her, and if they stayed on Coroscant (I think I spelled that wrong) wouldn't Vader have found them anyway?
Harry vs Vader....in a lightsaber battle?!
...you sir have just won the internets.
Was anyone else thinking of this at the thought of Rainbow Dash as a Cyborg with laser eyes:
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/102/a/2/crush_kill_destroy_swag_by_johnjoseco-d4vynfy.jpg
That was awesome. Too bad they didn't take her to Stargate world and use a sarcophagus to heal her. That would have worked too. Man, the whole "Adventures in the Outside" was so awesome. I love crossover universes so much. The fandom universes too. Good to see they're back in Equestria, ready to continue the fight against the baddies now. Just four big bosses left to face.
TYPOS!
475647
Fixed and fixed. Blame all typos on Derpy's presence in the chapter.
475656
She just plops her plot down and shakes up all the text.
475668
Having a plot made of dark matter tends to cause that kind of thing to happen.
476038
Nah, AJ is dark matter.
Derpy's bubble flanked plot is at full of thin air as her head. The things it hits just can't comprehend the lack of mass so they crumble at the sub-atomic level. I call it the derp effect.
"BUY SOME APPLES!"
XD LOLZ thats a reference to one of he MLP youtube abridged things isn't it?
also CUPCAKES XD
GREAT episode.
Orphan annie made me laugh, seriously hated that prequel stuff. Atleast THIS vader was the ep4-6 one that just ROCKs planets and hacks people up.
Reads comments: Derpy is adorable. But not as adorable as Fluttershy. I tend to picture her with the Ammiterasu walk animation in MVC3/UMVC3.
you know.. walks around and Flowers pop up from the ground. XD
Wow, this chapter had a few gut punches in it. You really had me going there for a bit with Rainbow Dash. I’m really feeling for Harry and the Mane Six right now. They are just getting knocked around this story. And it looks like Earth is going to get a good old apocalypse with Discord on his way. And in the Dresdenverse he isn’t going to be restricted by My Little Pony’s no kill rules. This is going to get ugly.
Congratulations, you have really gotten me to hate the main villains of this fiction (in the good, you are supposed to hate the villains way). They have committed some A class level villainry in this story, and it make me want for them to get their just rewards. If you kill Nicky and Discord – with extreme prejudice – by the end of this story I think I would be perfectly happy. Though being stuck in stone for eternity might also be acceptable… especially if they are conscious the entire time like Discord seemed to suggest… Let’s see how Nicky likes virtual immortality then.
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I found a couple typos to fix also.
I think, it was just that as long as ^we were busy doing everything we could to try to save her life
Last had her mouth halfway open to deliver a retort,
-I believe you mean “Lash” here.
>n. A literary or dramatic composition that resembles an extended narrative poem celebrating heroic feats.
>adj. Of, constituting, having to do with, or suggestive of a literary epic.
I hate misuse of the word "epic"
This is epic.
Heck Harry, shame one you. A proper nerd would have thought about going to a D&D setting and finding a cleric to heal Dash.
Sweet chapter. Had to wear sunglasses while I read Harry vs. Vader so the awesome wouldn't burn my eyes off. Those dimensional stops before they got back to Equestria prime were amazing, though I didnt get the one with AJ & Applebloom. Wheres that from? Reading about Derpy is always nice, as well as knowing Luna cares enough about her sister to not want her to go through what she did.
479189
AJ and Apple Bloom were from Friendship is Witchcraft.
I really want to do one of those wall of texts I do but Thunder over Louisville has me busy. Your awesome keep it up.
Cyborg~Dash... yeah, I totally want to see this. Somepony draw that!
Yeah, I'm gonna be that guy:
>why I kept my stumbles
I think you accidentally a word. "Having my stumbles" makes more sense.
>what has occurred I Equestria
"in"
How many views does this story need before Harry accidentally jumps into it?
477852 Nah, her condition would probably translate into negative HP and they'd only have a minute to find a divine caster. Too risky
495110
Now shame on YOU too, cause I was also thinking more along the lines of Raise Dead or Resurrection spells. You know, those handy spells to have when the adventure starts getting a little TPK(Total party kill)ish.
495110
Thanks for pointing those out. Fixed now.
Cyborg dash...?
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/102/a/2/crush_kill_destroy_swag_by_johnjoseco-d4vynfy.jpg
CRUSH, KILL, DESTROY, SWAG!
475646
Rainbow Dash as Rom Spaceknight!
Way to go, you've caused me to hate the Denarians even more so. Nick's still my favorite DF villain, if only because he's so open and polite about his long-term goals... and smart enough to keep the actual plans under wraps.
bad Celestia?
fitting theme music i think
475647
Funny, Stargate is the first possibility thrt occurred to, too. Another is Niven’s Known Space world (Ringworld and so on), where the ships’ autodocs seem capable of full resurrection. Or WoW, where full death is a minor inconvenience.
The whole thing reminds me of The Last Action Hero—“This isn’t even a flesh wound!”
Lots of highlights in this chapter. Lots and lots. Favorite moment was when Harry meets Darth Vader, (just think of the story he'll be able to tell back home) and the second favorite was when Harry realizes that he had all of fiction to look through for ways to bring Dashie back even if she died. My choice would probably be a D&D setting of some kind. A number of other choices present themselves in my mind, but it's less likely that Harry would know of them and they'd be more difficult to obtain resurrections from if you're a stranger to the setting. Take Auraxis for example. It's literally impossible to permanently die there after taking a single trip through a warpgate, (it's not uncommon for soldiers to drop a grenade at their feet because it's quicker to let the planetary immortality network rebuild you at a friendly base than it is to travel on foot) problem is that it's a war-torn hellhole where you'll likely get shot before you get anywhere near a warpgate in order to attune you to the immortality network.
As an aside, the cameos were also great.
495110
They could always just go for a(depending on the edition the ended up in) a limited wish or true resurection. Probably not just a plain resurction cause Dash would probably qualify as an outsider(ironically). Harry might even have enough levels for a limited wish.
475222 *painful groans of misery*
480144 I tried to find some pics of Cyborg Dash
mlpforums.com/uploads/monthly_10_2014/post-16340-0-97500100-1412122448.jpeg
orig15.deviantart.net/ec29/f/2014/052/9/4/rainbow_dash__pony_evolved_by_tomdantherock-d77dzda.gif
...but Cyborg Fluttershy ended up being way more badass.
I'd know that foul mouth anywhere! Heya Pip!
Also... Dragon Ball Z. I would have loved to see what Harry is like in the Z-Verse as he resurrected RD with the Dragon Balls. Though come to think of it, magic is a thing in DBZ, so his magical prowess probably wouldn't translate into Chi, and therefore power level... Dang it.
7407517 On the other hand, Baba Yaga can make a super saiyan horse apple in his pants. *eyeroll* I'm not sure that one works as a verb, despite this author's usage.
i'm surprised Harry didn't think to use some Star Wars style medicine to help RD...then again, when the Imperials showed up, that pretty much ruined any chance of reaching a hospital.
this reminded me of an interesting, but unfinished, story called "infinite horizons", where RD DID become a cyborg. one of her front legs could turn into a fancy weapon on command!
6245363
O.O Wow, that was unexpected.
Did the Author forget about the Winter Mantle dulling his pain and the like?