Souvenir, a pony that enjoys travelling far and wide collecting and selling items, decides to return to Equestria after stopping at the Griffon Kingdoms far to the east. Only problem is, she doesn't know how to get back from there, and is forced to travel with a griffon warrior called Alastair, also on his way to Equestria, who is just as happy with the idea as she is. That is to say, not at all. However, they are going to be together a long time before getting to Equestria, and they might start to like each other.
This is my first attempt at a romantic comedy story, also my first fanfic that isn't dark. Rated Teen because of some jokes and implications.
Chapters (8)
Alright, this looks promising. Let's see where this goes.
Get ready for the love its coming soon to a theatre near you.
This looks promising. I'll give it a shot.
It's a good start.
However, it could do with a lot more description. How does the bar look? Smell? Is it so loud she can't hear herself talk, or unusually quiet since everyone is brooding? Does she feel out of place?
What does Alastair look like? Is he wearing weapons, or does he have them on the floor?
Also, it's a bit 'telly' at the beginning. The story tells us that Souvenir is a merchant of items from all around the world -- but I think it could have been done better by saying something like:
That way, it's implied that she visits a lot of places, and that she is a merchant. That 'showing' gets us readers more interested in the story, instead of reading it like a police report.
Good start, though. Tracking.
2460586 thank you, I'll make sure to revise that when I can
For not being your first language, methinks this 'tis quite an interesting read! I think the events could be paced a bit better (a bit of a break before the timberwolf attack) and, as another user mentioned- detailsdetailsdetails!
Great story so far.
Would be nice if these chapters would be longer and less simple
YAY!!!
Commence awkward moments
that's cute
I love this story dude, it's an interesting pairing that I haven't seen before, and I just love the characters too!
I would have liked it to be ALOT longer, but, good story.
if you can, I would love some form of continuation, if you want to, that is. I think it would be cool. Well, see ya 'round!! 
Damn beautiful I wish I could write like this.
2564518 There WILL be a continuation
No idea when I'll be able to start writing it, since I have some other projects planned, but it's definitely going to come in the future.
2566214 you are a God
The writing was a bit heavy handed, but I liked it.
2586231 Heavy handed? How so? I am still learning, so if it's something i can fix for future fanfics, please tell.
2586376 I'll get right on that as soon as I finish sweating.
2586376 Ok, what I meant by heavy-handed is that some of the details felt forced. I'll take a random excerpt as an example:
"After sunrise, the two friends woke up in Souvenir's tent. After what they made each other go through last night, they had decided to share the tent, in part because Souvenir wanted Alastair to sleep well and in part because there was no use in standing watch outside while near a village. "
In that little section, you tell the reader all sorts of info, but it doesn't really feel that natural. I wouldn't have gone into that much detail in that description.
[Sunrise broke and the two friends found themselves awaking in Souvenir's tent. Alastair stretched his wings, glad that Souvenir had convinced him that keeping watch was pointless this close to town.]
I like to mix details like that into the action and dialogue of the story. It just seems to flow better. Again, I love the idea of the story, I just felt like some of the elements of it could flow better.
2586661 Hard to argue with that logic.
At the mention of the word keythong I thought you made that creature up, but after a little research turns out it is an actual creature that shares a resemblance to the griffons. Thanks for introducing the keythong.