Deep below the earth of Equestria, beyond the sun and the soil, secrets lie buried. When Twilight and her friends become stranded in an ancient civilization, they soon learn that some things are best left a secret. Ignorant of the world above them, the inhabitants of this decaying world of steel and darkness have been buried for centuries. Twilight finds herself desperately trying to understand them and their militaristic way of life.
As the two worlds collide, it’s unclear if the new ponies will prove to be allies or enemies of Equestria, but neither are aware of a greater awakening evil which threatens both civilizations. As the six friends struggle to survive and understand the underground world, the hope of saving Equestria seems more remote with each passing hour.
The description looks promising, but you should try spacing between paragraphs, rite now it's what's called a heavy block of text, and that's not good..
2457200 Thanks for the feedback! I was trying to emulate printed text where paragraphs begin with a point-five inch indent with no additional line break between them as I personally prefer the compactness of printed text. However, I'm beginning to realize this may be suboptimal for internet text. I will definitely look into other options, once I figure out how to easily alter just the paragraph spacing.
2457263
Compactness isn't always good.
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbc15lvg361rf5g10o1_500.jpg
2457272 Fair point, clearly many people don't share my personal preferences, I actually find extraneous white-space pretty bothersome, but that's just me.
Edit: So with some creative find-and-replacing I've managed to add spacing between paragraphs, I hope that helps.
This review is brought to you by by the group: Authors Helping Authors
Grammar Score: 10
Pros:
Excellent characterization
The description is phenomenal
The story's premise is intriguing
Cons:
I... Oh jeez. I can't even think of any. That's impressive.
Notes Section:
As a disclaimer, I would like to point out that, as of now, I've only read the first chapter. That being said, I must ask: HOW DOES THIS ONLY HAVE 59 VIEWS!? I was absolutely spellbound with the imagery you put into the story. From the moment Twilight wakes to the appearance of the arch, I feel like I'm right there with her. This is on par with some professionally written works, or perhaps even better (considering the stuff being published lately). The characterization of the characters was also very well done; not once did I find myself questioning "Would Twilight/Spike actually do that?". I commend you, good sir. A like, favorite, and a watch from me.
If at all possible, would you be willing to take a look at my story, Of High Seas and Howling Winds?
2482983
Thanks you very much for your wonderful feedback, reading it made me blush
! I sincerely hope you enjoy the other chapters as much as the first. If you think the view count is too low, feel free to encourage others to read it, haha 
.
I would be delighted to review your story, and will do so in the next few days, and thanks again so much for your support!
2483723
That's weird... I never got a notification saying you responded
Oh well. Message received.
I'm kinda busy with work, school—especially considering it's finals week—and writing my own story, so I won't be able to read the rest of the chapters all in one sitting. Regardless, I look forward to it, as well as your review of my story. Let's just pray it won't make you cry tears of blood
I kid. I'm (fairly) confident in my writing skills, at least when it comes to grammar, so I'm just hoping the concept is appealing.
2483963 I also didn't receive a notification of your response, guess I'll have to keep checking the hard way
. I totally understand, time management is tricky, I find myself in much the same situation. Still, I hope to have my review ready for you tonight sometime. Looking forward to reading it!
*Read later button applied*