Octavia’s First Day

Octavia, while preparing the spare room for Vinyl's visit, has a flash back to how she first met her best friend, found her true passion, and how a small event had a massive impact on the rest of their lives.

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Neko-sama

Neko-sama #1 · Apr 12th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Octavia was tidying up the spare room ready for Vinyl’s visit, the first after Octavia’s long tour around Equestria with The Royal Ponyville Orchestra. As she went into one of the drawers to grab a sheet to cover the bed, she found a photo of her and Vinyl back in school as fillies. She sat there staring at it for a while, immersed by the memories that it reignited within her, she began to drift away into her own world… the world of memories.

Put a rule after this.

It's pretty difficult to read, and your pace is beyond break-neck. Slow down, and describe more

Um......where's the dialogue?? There's one quote and it's, "Hello"

Fan of the word "As"?

Still sat on her bed remembering the good old days, she realised that she still hadn’t finished sorting out Vinyl’s room “Oh well, Vinyl has always been a bit untidy when it comes to her room” joked Octavia, and walked into her music room. There, in middle of the room stood her cello which she had loved and kept close to her since the day that Vinyl had given it to her. A tear crept out of her eye as she played it. She was amazed at how well it had served her and was also surprised that it hadn’t needed repairs since she first had it. Just as she started becoming emotional, she heard a knock on the door, and smiled happily. Vinyl had arrived.

Put a rule before this

Looks alright, great ideas, but it's hard to read with the small mistakes. Fix em up, and we're in bussiness

ditzywhooves

ditzywhooves #2 · Apr 13th, 2013 · · ·

2416260 Hey, thanks for the comment. I made some changes, and added the rules. I hope its better now :)

reader238

reader238 #3 · Apr 15th, 2013 · 1 · ·

great story very heart warming I only saw one thing that could be changed "She sat down, and a male filly by the name of Filthy Rich introduced himself" a filly is the term used for a female adolescent while colt is the term used for males, so the sentence shoul go like this "She sat down, and a colt by the name of Filthy Rich introduced himself"

ditzywhooves