Shipping 💖11,669 stories ·9,737 members
The Fillyfoolers3,945 stories ·3,489 members
The Writers' Group56,384 stories ·9,291 members
Rainbow Dash7,252 stories ·4,140 members
One-Shots18,903 stories ·2,369 members
Fluttershy4,016 stories ·2,924 members
Rarity moves to Canterlot. Rainbow joins the Wonderbolts. Fluttershy and Twilight are shut-ins, to an extent. The friends remain so, but they have lost some of the freshness of their connection. Rarity, in her new home, invites all of her dearest friends to join her in the ancient city. Twilight struggles with her attraction to Rarity, long a secret, while another pony's plan comes to fruition.
Page generated in 0.148 seconds
Total duration
985 users online
370,317 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
mmmmm not bad I liked. Well written, I like the lack of any actual conversation.
2404557 I didn't intend for that, originally. It kinda just... happened. I'm glad you thought that worked, though! :3
"Prufrock" is my all-time favorite poem, and you integrated it beautifully into this story. I'm so very glad I read this before going to bed, and look forward to reading it again and again!
2404634 It's one of my favorite poems as well! Glad you enjoyed it.
Get hype!
Not bad, but it feels like it ends halfway.
I want to see how it ends. There's already too many stories that cut off without a satisfying ending.
Beautiful stuff, and the dialogue-less format works exceptionally well here. Your usual MO of letting classic literature guide your pen gives the story an air of instant familiarity.
A few minor edits, but I'll PM them.
Good show!
This was a beautiful look into the uncertainties of attraction. I found Twilight's point of view especially haunting, since I'm going through an almost identical situation right now. This story was powerful even and especially through the understated tone that ran throughout. Your insight and beautiful, musical prose are, as always, a delight to read.
Read later! Love RariTwi!
well, for one thing, it does not suck! I thoroughly enjoyed how you managed to weave the perspectives together. Arguably the best part! And the characterization was great, as usual. My only complaint is that it's complete! the ending leaves me wanting more! How does RD and Flutter's talk go? How does Mac feel about inadvertently making Flutters cry? What will come of Raritwi? What was Pinkie up to this whole time?
So many questions! But, it is marked as complete... so I must retire to my repose dungeon and play pipe organ menacingly in the catacombs while wearing my 'Phantom' mask.
Aaaaaand... Featured! Knew it the second I read it. Pats on the back to you.
Beautifully written story!
2405135 I feel your pain, Kar. I wish I had more of it to give you, seriously.
2405179 Always glad to have you aboard most Brunnen of G's. Honestly I was thinking the "So English Major it Hurts" thing in this one was weaker, but if you liked it then I am happy!
2405689 Glad you liked it!
2405817 I have absolutely no idea about any of them.
2405903 How in god's name.
2405948 Thank you! That's kind of you.
2406056 b-but, you wrote it! The answers are rattling around in your gently bearded skull!
Fish them out, I implore you!
2406093 I really have no idea I'm dead serious
Pretty good but you start out a bit heavy with the metaphors. I read the whole thing thinking of the ponies in a black and white sin city world or with lines from the watchmen comic being ponified in my head.
Pinkie Pie's journal: october 12th, 1985,:
Cupcake laying in an alley this morning, wagon tread on bust cake. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of icing. All the Fancy Pants and Hoity Toitys will look up and shout "make us smile!".... ...and I'll look down and whisper "I brought my party cannon."
This is most excellent. The style, the story, the rich character introspection, especially with Twilight... most excellent.
Really nice!
2406132
YES
Also, perhaps a little
2406159 Glad you liked it!
2406258 Yay! :3
Epilogue~
2406875 ahhhh
maybe if I can
2406887 im sorry i should probably elaborate, my emotions were so high when i finished reading i could not utter more than one word *clears throat* this was an amazing job well done. i was throughly engrossed in the story and the way you transitioned between characters was down right beautiful, good show lad! good show!
and yes epiloque!!!!!!
That was really interesting, the complete lack of dialogue gave it a very unusual feel.
Epilogue please!!!!! It was really good but i want to know what happens!
2407072 I really didn't plan that. It kind of just happened and I ran with it.
2407094 haha. I'll try! Maybe. I'll have to ask them! I'm not sure myself.
I have not even fully read the description of this story yet (although I do plan on reading it, make no mistake). I couldn't help but wonder if the title is based on the poem by T.S. Eliot called "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock." Even if it is not I highly recommend reading it.
Just keep in mind while reading that
Ann lies 
*Grins* Hah! I thought it was based on Prufrock when I saw that mention and Yay I was right! Beautiful and tender. I almost wish there was more for it.
This definitely deserves to be featured. Great work, Cynewulf -- some of your best yet, I'd hazard.
I love the different voices you managed for each of the characters, but especially the scenes from Twilight's perspective. Excellent work with those.
This is luscious. It's like dark chocolate mousse for my brain. The complete lack of direct dialogue is something I really enjoyed, on top of the spot-on characterizations, immersive details, and clever diction.
I still don't know how you did it though. Writing like this (absent of dialogue), with so many characters in such a social story, is the literary equivalent of driving with amputated hands. Your ability to finely-control the direction of the car(/story) requires much more skill and attention.
A few errors here or there that interrupted my reading, but besides that I enjoyed it.
read synopsis.
okay... all the ponies get lives and live for themselves... good and good. friendship issues, dealing with change
2407384 "Like a patient etherised upon a table--that's how modern poetry begins." I forgot who said that, alas, but it's true. Damn, I love Eliot and I love the poem. It's really probably my favorite, though it vies with "High Flight" and Tennyson's "Ulysses" (Cynewulf's special somepony is the Tennyson fan, not him! However, that one poem leaves me speechless and longing like no other.) But to Prufrock I come with understanding. I relate.
2407397 :D I was hoping people would see it! :D The whole cat-fog metaphor image picture thing is like one of my favorite images
2407470 I'm really honored you think so! I'm a bit bamboozled with how well this did, to be honest with you! A friend of mine who adored Rhapsody wanted me to try another multi-POV thing and I honestly got to the end of this one and considered it a throwaway (submitted it after midnight and everything, after a cursory look over.) Multiple POV is fun!
2407621 Yeah, I'm about to go though and fix the ones BrunnenG was kind enough to find for me. Gosh, but it was kinda hard--you're right. I had to reword stuff and change how I usually would narrate things, kind of. But you get used to it after about the first three thousand words. :P hahaha
2407676 I'm not sure I'd say it was random. I do understand the sentiment behind people rolling their eyes at the commonality of inter-mane 6 shipping. I really do! But I do take issue with it being random or forced. I fell in love with my best friend! So it's a thing that happens.
Beyond that, absence truly does the heart make fonder. I promise you. And when someone leaves you often time replace their presence with thought, and thought leads onto thought and way unto way, and this kind of thing is more common than we would think, I believe.
And why the hell not? Spike is one of her dearest friends; it's canon. Did they have a falling out that you didn't explain? I got a sick feeling measuring the synopsis against the character tags, and after a certain point was just too p.o.'ed to continue reading. I wish I could have finished it in order to properly draw an opinion, but after copy/pasting it, word-searching for “Spike,” and seeing nothing, I can accurately predict that reading it all would have left me in an extremely foul mood for the rest of the evening. Sorry.
Rarity may just as well have invited Spike to Canterlot just to kick him between the legs, tell him he's not important to anyone, and leave him outside while the rest enjoyed their romantic party. From what I can see, that's basically what this story is. Even Big Mac, whom is nowhere NEAR as important to her as Spike is (and always will be), got invited. Perhaps Mac invited himself, but I couldn't stand reading far enough to tell, as it wasn't explained in his first passage.
The writing is beautiful and I would've loved to read all of it, but such a huge flaw is like a stab to the gut.
Speaking for myself, that's this fanfic in a nutshell. Honest truth here, my hands are still shaking.
2408850 Big Mac invited himself.
I don't know why Spike is there. I just didn't see him there. I think however, that he's not with Twilight because he's grown and moved out. Gone to be a dragon, just like Rarity and Rainbow moved out.
Okay, first time I have ever decided to watch an author off just one paragraph. This was just amazing. Thank you
2408912 ahhhh but it's Eliot annd me
2408911 Hardly reason enough to receive no invitation to a reunion with the most important people in his life. In his hometown, no less. Especially after all the adoration and devotion he showered her with. And especially since Rainbow was invited.
2408132
its not the concept. its how you worded it. you need to make the shipping sound naturally central to the plot because IT IS
I was thinking throughout the whole thing: "This reads like a poem". Turns out this was intentional.
I commend you on even loosely basing this on such a wonderful poem, it is genius.
2409416 That's kind! thankya.
It's pretty loosely based.
Very, very interior. So much so that the characters' thoughts and feelings travel with crystal clarity while the world without seems muted and distant. Given the subject matter, I'd consider that a success rather than a failure. It's not an approach I see often on this site, and I enjoyed it.
Complete?
2409892 Introspection is what I do!
2410298 I know!! I was just saying that to someone, I really don't mean to. Hell, I like courageous Flutters and I love Flutters to death!! Maybe I can turn that around in Night.
2410325 Complete in that I'm done with it. Mostly. Kind of.
Beautifully done!
I really enjoyed the introspection coupled with the lack of dialog, especially Twilight's perspective. I also enjoyed the characterizations, though in some ways I felt like I wanted more depth to their observations of each other. I don't mean at all that I felt you didn't handle that well; only that this is the kind of story I like so much that it made me want more. But for the slice of life and time this story represents, what you created was really just about perfect.
I liked the way you ended the story, with the tension of possibilities rather than resolution. The end made me realize that I'd love to see a slow progression of this story in the same vein (not necessarily in exactly the same style), a step forward or even back. I'm kind of reminded of the ending of Joyce's Ulysses for some reason...
2411061 I am totes with you, I'd love to something of this nature done in a more drawn out manner, more developed and teased out. I'm not sure I'm up to it with my epic ongoing, but it's the kinda story I love!
2405817
...and where the fuck was Spike? Your comment/review is spot-on, Bronius Maximus, but Still Wearing Black's got a point (one that I could've very well written myself
). It is baffling that nobody has taken issue with (or even pointed out) his very disturbing absence.
2411124 2408850 Spike's absence wasn't a concern for me at all, any more than I missed Sweetie Belle or Apple Bloom or Scootaloo in this story. They are children, and the kind of emotions and adult experiences this story relates just doesn't suit them. I seriously doubt that including any of them - no matter what their personal emotions are - would have added anything positive to the romance of this story. There is every reason for Spike to not be there.
I can understand someone's desire to see a particular character's reaction played out in a story, but come on guys: This is the author's story, not yours, so it's his call to make regarding how it plays out. Your responses seem a little harsh and out of place.
2411554 I honestly just didn't see him there. He could be a lot of places--he's probably tending the library. Or he's off being an awesome dragon.
I just... I didn't think he was central to this tale. I like Spike! But not everybody is in everything.
2411565 Exactly. I know some people have a lot of affection for him, and that's great—we all have our favorites (mine happen to be Rarity, Twilight, and Fluttershy in that close order). I like Spike for the most part, but he doesn't have to appear in every story, much less every story that involves romantic interest with Rarity. That would be unrealistic and would grow old really fast.
2411565 2411607 I have no doubt Spike is capable of those emotions, since he usually shows more maturity than Twilight (and especially more than Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy). What's really disturbing is when he fails to show up in stories with, not his romantic interest, but the rest of his closest friends. In those stories and images, I feel the creator forgets that the show is about friendship, not friendship being exclusive to ponies. It's clear enough why he doesn't need to be in this one, but then a better term than "dearest friends" should be chosen for the story description. Honestly, if that's the case, it's more likely that Spike would've moved away from Twilight because he realized none of the ponies valued him as a friend.
I'll keep this in my bookmarks to read later for the narrative skill and only the narrative skill, but I will also keep something by TheDescendant or Imaginary Valued on standby.
I'm trying to remember if I actually read "Prufrock" but find I can't. The courses I took which included Eliot were many, many years ago, now, and I just don't remember. I will say, though, that I think the story hangs together very well with or without any knowledge of the Eliot poem. I also felt there was a poetic vibe to the story throughout, even before I hit the author's notes. Dig that a lot.
I was wondering, based on the synopsis, just how you were going to cover all that terrain in less than 7,000 words. Not only did the story not feel rushed to me, on the whole, but many parts (Twilight's first section, in particular) felt positively languid. I thought that suited the overall dreamy and poetic feel of the story. I also didn't mind the lack of resolution to the "who will get whom?" parts, as it felt to me as though that wasn't really what the story was about.
There are parts that could be improved, sure enough, but I don't want to nitpick. Because I loved this, start to finish, and I'm very glad you wrote it and shared it with us. Perhaps Rarity's first section could have had a bit more on just why she's feeling a (previously not felt) attraction towards Twilight, and perhaps there could have been a line or two explaining why Spike wasn't in attendance for the party, but those strike me as minor things.