Syringed
Joined 2nd Jan, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Lunaguy · 2.6k words · 684 9 · 13k views
- Loxart · 12k words · 110 8 · 3.7k views
- Yoni · 7.8k words · 111 10 · 2.8k views
- Pia · 5.4k words · 32 0 · 1k views
- Mariacheat-Brony · 129k words · 1,207 35 · 16k views
- overlord-flinx · 5.7k words · 211 11 · 3.6k views
- The Princess Rarity · 5.1k words · 162 10 · 2.8k views
- Punished Venom Muddy · 2.9k words · 61 4 · 3k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.106 seconds
Total duration
668 users online
835,577 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
If you see any areas that could use improvement, grammatic or otherwise, please leave a comment on it. It will help me become a better writer.
brilliant minds think alike?
last time my brain decided to take physical action against me, it round-house kicked me through a wall.
...and it worked.
for a sad story, this chapter had me
ing a lot.
2399692
It made you laugh? Well that probably just made me rethink my style of writing...
Maybe I should slap on a comedy tag on this, should I?
Eh, probably shouldn't. Conflicting categories.
Probably funny because the way the narrator talks.
2401888
I think having a little comedy in this is great!
You could use it to show denial or just the odd narrators joke to keep the story balanced.
What is sad without somthing to compare it to?
2423808 I agree with james. If you don't want to do comedy, you can do light sarcasm. Like this:
"Ok, now I'm a pastel horse. Really? This couldn't get any worse..."
(rain starts to pour)
"..Shoot"
I use my technique in my stories, it keeps them balanced and real...life is not all whites or blacks.
It's your choice though, some people like "pure" sadness stories, and its ok
Btw, you missed a few "¿" on your questions.
/)
- Fixie
2443190
I'm doing comedy. I feel that my writing is more comedious than sad or tragic. I'm no expert though, so let's see how it goes, shall we?
Well this escalated fast
and so far i am loving it! And the best part is I found this not too long after I submitted a story of a guy turning into Vinyl(as such I was hoping to find something similar with Octavia)! Well i will certainly fav and upvote so i can see where this goes!
MMMmm dark comedy, my favorite.
2449863
If the pacing is too fast, than I can certainly slow it down, but I'm glad you like it!
Moar plox.
Okay seriously now. Not a fic direction I've read before (probably not actually unique, but that's the internet for you). I'm wondering if it would work to have the women in AFGNCAAP's family be a bit less "psychotic rage" or have an explanation for why they're freaking the hell out so badly, though. Their over-the-top reaction would be fine if it weren't driving the story right now. As is, we have yet to see what motivates any of the characters besides "I really don't want to die right now" and whatever the heck Mom and Sis are thinking.
At three chapters in, this should have already been touched upon.
However, the concept (as I've mentioned) is appealing for being less of the same old thing, and a miserable, drunk pony scavenging from garbage bins in NYC is a somewhat compelling image. The action sequences seem good as well.
There are a couple of moments where the continuity is somewhat questionable that could use simple fixes, as well. For example, the ponified main character is fleeing animal control in five states, but has somehow either made it to Central Park or never left the city (where is AFGNCAAP's old home, anyway? Did I miss something?). The chances of getting to Central Park without being found and caught are slim to none. Additionally, has no one recognized AFGNCAAP as Octavia, despite MLP:FiM being a Thing That Happened in this universe?
2982639
Now I'm a bit weird when it comes to organizing things in a non-confusing manner when said thing is less than 1000 words long, so I'm gonna reply to a few points and try to explain myself in a somewhat random order.
a) character lives in Nashville, Tennesee. It says in the first chapter. Might not have made it stand out though.
b) I can think of a couple of ways to get across state lines off the top of my head. One way is to sneak across on a vehicle. Getting found will happen, IRL or in here. Getting caught is another thing entirely.
All thoughts aside, I'm still working on my writing ability (sort of) so IMPROVMENT.
2982758
a) Yep, I missed something, and now I'm remembering the Nashville rain. My derp.
b) It wasn't so much crossing state lines as getting into NYC from the outside. Also, I can't see an injured earth pony avoiding capture very long after getting spotted due to speed and agility problems (not to mention "wtf, new body, why?" moments), just something to consider in not-Tavi's fleeing.
c) I think I must be wording myself too strongly. I am not saying you suck at writing. I am trying to converse as a peer, and have confidence in your ability to answer questions or fix problems.
Also, while I never use the particular spelling "moar plox" seriously, I *am* serious in wanting to see how this all plays out.
Especially this first encounter with Animal Control. I mean, this is an extremely dangerous situation for AFGNCAAP... who is now unconscious! Eep!
2982758
Oh, and faved for updates. That cliffhanger... aaaaah!
2982965
Not saying that you said that my writing ability sucks, your advice is helpful and I appreciate it.
Now let's see how long Tavi can evade capture.
2983015
I assume you mean after escaping from whatever the Animal Control person does next, since he has free action while the poor pony is passed out.
But I say no more about the plot for tonight.
This isn't part of the Pony Earth verse, is it? Cause we already have a Tavi.
Awesome, liked and followed!
2449239
Shall thou update?
5 years ago this used to be a promising story. Sad something this promising has to be abandoned by the author
nice can't wait to see more