When ponies become industrialized, tensions rise between nations over resources and fair trade. A war is brewing between the pony nations of The Four Hooves Union, the mixed species of the Fair Trade Order and the many deer species of the isolated Antler Confederacy. Nine friends from very different backgrounds are brought together by common strife and suffering that the conflict has bestowed upon them. Together they will learn and grow on their adventures while attempting to find the true bearers of the elements of harmony amongst themselves. As they conquer strong foes and deal with their own conflicts, as well as the world's, they will discover that the plot is much thicker than a simple world war.
Chapters (6)
You need to work on your dialogue. Just speak the sentences out loud and ask yourself if it flows correctly. more punctuation would help to make it less awkward to read. As a matter of fact reading a lot of books helps to make writing out dialogue more natural.
2407653 I'm used to writing good reports, arguments and research papers for my honors English in school and my biggest problem is when to use commas. Also this is my first attempt at a story so I was a bit worried about dialogue, so thanks for the advice man it's appreciated.
2408183
The Empire adores your concept.
However, mind the grammar and if it would be possible to split the chapters into smaller parts, that would be excellent. I haven't properly read this yet, but I will.
It certainly deserves it.
Silver out!
2871670 thanks the chapters are long due to the need to introduce characters, give them background and expand the story I know they're a bit much and the intro has grammar problems but it improves, it's almost all my own editing so it's hard but I thank you for your feedback
2871711
One thing you can do is to spread all of that character development throughout the story instead of cramming it into the beginning. I made the same mistake too, so I know where you're coming from. The story is fine as it is, just keep that in mind for future reference.
Silver out!
I'll start reading it tonight.
Recently I added my story to the groups and threads I am a member of in an attempt to get more notoriety. I kind of overdid it and some people didn't appreciate it. So for that I apologize for my overly zealous and overreaching approach that may not have been appropriate in some groups. In response I know of at least one person who disliked my story without trying it just because I tried to get it out there. I find that unfair and think that it should be judged on it's content. I'd appreciate it if people would first read my story before passing judgment and hopefully give feedback. To those of you that have read it and given feedback (Even if it's negative) I thank you for actually giving it a shot first and being constructive.
You know, spacing out your uploads could have helped a good bit with getting more views, as well as cutting your shapters down. Staring >15K word chapters in the face is intimidating when contemplating stating a new story without knowing whether or not you will enjoy it.
2893016 Yeah I know and I have my reasons for the long chapters but I do understand why that could turn a lot of people off. My hope is that they'll take breaks at the changes in the chapters. Thanks for the feedback.