I was out on a typical camping trip with my brother Evan. Tents were set up, the sun had set, and all was fine and dandy. But the next morning started off so weird. I had paws, my brother was gone, and some big bug got in my face! Add the salt of my stuff all being stolen, and you can tell it was going to be a weird day indeed, or days.
Cancelled. But if anyone wants to take the idea and run with it, my only condition is you send me a link to it.
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This I like.
I don't think your story is that rushed, you just might want to combine some of the chapters that are relevent to try and prevent an imbalance that occured in this chapter.
The comedy in this chapter was good but lacked a good balance.
The balance does not have to be sad or stone-faced but an awkward meeting with some other pony/sentient creature or somthing might work.
Still, the story so far is quite good and your different descriptions of everything ensure the reader is not bored by repetative sentances and I did not notice the usual amount of errors for the newer writers (not that newer FIMFiction writers are nesisarily new at writing).
All in all my only sugestions are too: try not to condense descriptions too much, make sure you know where your going with this and KEEP WRITING PLZ!!!
... gah, this tablet is hard to write with.
Can I haz some moar?
ok with everything that just happened in this chapter (ALONE) i would be insane.
"This for kill brain!"
Reading this was fucking confusing
2398227
Well I intended this chapter to be very confusing, considering Discord was having a little fun. I guess I laid it on a bit thick.
2398330 haha it was still really fun to read I just had to go and reread some of it to actually understand what's going on
Nice Indiana jones reference there the only problem is the POV you have it in it makes it a bit harder to give details (just don't change POV in the middle of the story ,Like now)
please tell me that is the wright spelling and things, i just love that line
I am liking this, definitely keep it up. Haven't read a human turned to manticore story yet, so it was tempting!
If life give you lemons?
FUCK LIFE AND ITS LEMON-Y WAYS! I WANT APPLES!
so thats how pinkie pie moves around so fast i Always wondered about that but decided to just go with the flow
Fucking bettor continue this story it's fun to read
another good chapter.
Meh hope you don't stop
This story is awesome! Please don't stop!
Love tje fact that one of the first thing he tried to do was poke something with a stick.
this.
fan fiction like this are why i get up in the mornings.
why i even bother with this site.
you are amazing. keep up the excellent and random work.
"
How did you describe Mew so well?
My half manticore pony oc
2454948 (Insert Mandatory Cave Johnson Reference Here)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! The dude's reaction to Pinkie Pie is funny as the devil and God are drunk as hell!
Nice one!!!!!
More please.
dead?
9918933
I've lost my basic notes on where i was going with this story, and kind of lost drive too. apologies for leaving it as it has been.
9919571
DAMNIT!!!!!