This story is how Alex Mackenzie has an unfaithful and unexpected encounter of an alternate world set aside from his, he tells of his life being "not that interesting", and he suddenly stumbles upon an odd doll once he was taking out the trash. The rest of the story should tell you the rest as you read along the way and he tours and helps anypony all around the areas of Equestria, probably around unknown dimensions! This fan fiction, to me of course, is a one of a kind turn around and continuation of everything has or hasn't recently occurred in Equestria, unraveled until he walks in. Not to mention I've created a few of my own original ponies as well, they'll be posted up as they're introduced within the series. I hope you enjoy this story I've put together!
NOW WITH LESS TYPOS IN THE CURRENT CHAPTERS! ^o^
>>>[ Extras Updated 9/2/14]
>>>[Updates for this fan fiction and various others will be anonymous for now, forgive me! Q~Q]
Am i seriously the only commenter? oh well.. good story, you just need an editor to fix those mistakes. and no i am not an editor..
2375118 Oh i DID have some mistakes,didn't i? '~'...Well ty for the heads up lolz since it's my first fan fiction, I guess i rushed too into it.
Hello there.
My point to comment is in the depth and motive of this story, the comedic slice of life points you are actually putting in the tags that bind you into a particular way of narration.
Before you read the rest of my comment I need to ask, is this more of an slice of life or comedic fic?
If this is a comedy I'm sure that it's a not serious comedy; Picture any troll fic, internet meme, and you get the picture.
BUT if you are heading for the Slice in life tag you're doing something particularly wrong.
dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/funny-demotivational-posters-speed-bumps.jpg
Your choice in speed.
If it's a slice of life with hints of comedy, a LOT about it is wrong, I feel nothing for this prick that doesn't care about anything other than himself, the choice in words and descriptions are bad, etc.
This is if your doing a Slice in life/comedy.
So... where to begin?
...The first chapter and therefor you beginning...
If you have visited this site before you can notice the large amount of stories that involve humans going into equestria, and if so you should know for a fact that the accidental summon, died and now in equestria, or random portal are in between the most hated methods of bringing your human into equestria.
Not about the how but because of their unoriginality and sudden move to bring the desired events of a specific scene that you pictured in your mind a lot of distance forward into the story to happen.
I can't believe how fast you made your MC an old style Disney princess. Always wanting more.
'After she said that I' was unnecessary you already brought out the point that she spoke. And ‘trying not to see if I was' was a double negative. Unless that's what you were going for,
You have three dialogues in one phrase. Don't.
Separate them.
I thought Twilight was better at not speaking with total strangers and totally unknown creatures about her friends the one minute or less. Shame on you Twilight, shame on you.
Twilight, not Applejack.
Nor Rarity.
Did you tried to say.
A little too fast with the trusting there.
And that was just chapter one, the rest of the chapter seems like a repetition of the mistakes above over and over.
Chapter two had all the same mistakes as the first, several plot holes, several laps in logic and about seven not so bight thought processing in the name of our MC and canon characters.
And everything from there was downhill in terms of logical plot points and well developed relatetionships.
Given the comedic rout I’m seeing this story take, I can’t say much really, I will see where this is headed and will tell what I see in it as a whole, but because of the start this one has, I don't see it going at anything other than comedy.
And if you're doing a comedy, I'll stop my commenting now, sorry to disturb.
2376968 no, you're right about it ... now that I look at it, it doesn't seem to be slice of life, but I wanted the ENTIRE story to be a variety of different genres so that it could make it more unique. I'm planning on adapting my fan fiction typing and grammar skills as we speak...or comment in this matter.
ANY advice of help counts, I appreciate it Dex, I'll try to make a few of the adjustments in my later chapters!
2377109
Wait, you mean that this story is actually to be considered serious? or comedical?
2377156 To be honest with you, it was a random story I wanted that kind of appealed to all the factors (Comedy, a little dark, slice of life, and then a little of the elements I can't seem to name)
I'd say I want it to be mostly comedy if you share my type of comedy twist in the story! <('. ' <)
2377156 It doesn't get as serious until the later chapters ( sorry I'm being difficult to explain it, lol.)
2377109
t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQgh6czo7isyAPSYB1dli8Bl_Mr93NCVYlsefct3PqvMlPKPhoLIw
But back to seriousness, why?
I have no stories posted yet, I don't lead any groups, I have really done nothing yet to deserve anyone for watching me. Really.
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTPt4YF8RL706VuemPXh00G7c6CvdnDTFgXQ5otyHX-RedyXb0iKg
2377339 Yes ... it's the hoodie -w- ( sry for the random follow!)
And the reason I switch it from comedy to serious is because ....I thought that it would give others a feel of...well, how MLP is when it airs, but with a different plot and set of characters.
Think of some of the episodes, how some were funny and filled with the mane 6 being happy together, then Discord turns up and ruins all the fun.
Or "Too Many Pinkie Pies" One moment multiple Pinkies were AWESOME ( and it was), but she overdid it and things took a turn for the worse.
That's how I want the story line to be looked as.
I don't think this story if meant to cover on full genre, but at least 3 or 4 of them.
That's all... v.v
2377339 You may not have anything posted yet, but who says I can't follow you before you have a "number 1" written fan fic on the site, THEN you might start to have a lot of followers, lol.
I'm just following those who's helped me...to learn more that is, I feel like it's what I'm meant to do! o.o"
2377366>>2377253
The reason I always ask people if what their trying to write comedy is because I'm very nitpicky in dialogue and ways of speech, in a serious story my comments are not going into depth ears and are actually being considered, the main points I ask are of broken logic, un-continuous dialogue and phrases that make no sense alone that I found spread throughout your story. Usually that means a not-to-take-serious comedy.
But if what you're saying is true, and this story has a pourpose prepare yourself for one DAMN comment.
Plot holes and characterization.
Spike's already calling the Main character by name in laps on conversation, after they already started a conversation. If you talk to someone you know closely this happens often, but with a complete stranger, it does not.
So in this story humans have the ability to stand on clouds with no explanation...there's really nothing else to it.
Rainbow dash drops someone to his doom and she sarcasticly smiles?! What kind of twisted image you have of her?!
Really, don't you think there's a better time to deepen the character, like a tranquil moment when he thinks more deeply about it, I would be better if you just said that 'she reminds me of someone.'
He is in AGONY and she responds with a SMALL LAUGH, you could've used pain and shamed laugh, but NOO~ you had to use the specific ones that make this another twisted image in my mind.
That was very subtle.
Yeah, you're already one of their best friends because of how they speak to you and you haven't even met the whole gang yet, yippee.
I will stop speaking of this entirely now.
Errors of simple magnitude, and way's writing better your story.
And just for the sake of size I will correct one type of problem and leave you to notice the others.
The description of how people are like is above; the description of how people LOOK LIKE is below.
As I have said in my previous comments for a simplistic continues understanding phrase, it's permitted to unite two branches of dialogue minimum to a phrase, of course making sure that the dialogue is based on the same idea and that any needed process occurred between them.
(And I'm not going to talk about the fact that Spike is basically Twilight's Son/Brother/Step-Brother)
If you notice there're two things that can make the reading process better; it is usual logic that when you describe a person doing an action, that the same person does the next dialogue unless the description goes against this fact, and so if you're going to make anyone speak after making a description of another character, it would be better to make it obvious by saying in the description itself that you're making that particular character speak.
And in the end of the phrase you are giving unnecessary information.
(Damn this was a hard one)
I can't believe you didn't use the opportunity to comment about the fact that something happened inexplicably, or was it lack of attention?
Here you were about to do the continuous speaking I already talked about, but failed in the most important detail... the last comma.
"I want us to finish up preparations for Princess Celestia's upcoming surprise party; I want everything to go accordingly on schedule!" Twilight said as she pulled out a long list out of thin air, "huh, who's Princess Celestia?" I asked.
You are making one phrase with two dialogues of two different characters, DON'T!
Or…
The description said everything one needed to know about the dialogue, pick one.
You can use anything BUT "" double quotations to be used as thoughts.
2377393
If that's what you ment to do there's no issue, I have really nothing to add to this comunity other than my brainy comments, so me being followed is a really big dead, that's all.
2377670 oh, well... I understand, but I'm trying my best to make the story more enjoyable to read.
2378356
The style you chose to write is the unusual comedic stand point, these can have all kinds of logistic laps and not be affected, but all this crumbles down if you're trying to actually make a story, stories need logistic routs that make sense, or readers will feel as if they're reading someone’s bad self-insert wish-fulfillment story.
If you notice, the stories like yours where the character dies and appears in Equestria, just from the beginning the logic failed the audience, and from that moment people are looking out for the common self-insert wish-fulfillment story, and if they see anything else that doesn't make sense they simply stop reading.
That's why I'm here.
I comment about every single piece of bad formed plot point and characterization of canon in ACTUAL stories, to make them better.
Some try, others fall down and burn, but in the end those who listened did something great and unique while others that I'll not mentioned, ended up to a point that would make anyone cringe.
Now, my comments are there to be used, but they don't mean a thing if what I comment doesn't have anything to do with the point you're trying to get across.
So in the end this depends on the purpose of your story, if it's a story made for others to enjoy and it's not total a comedy, then you have to take in mind what I commented, if not, then just shrug me off and move on with your life.
2378416 Don't worry I'll take in what you've said, I'll try to develop my skills,Dex, but I do really appreciate it.
You brought up some good points, so I'll think it through, but I can't change much of the First chapter now since it might affect the rest of the story, but I see where you're coming from.
Hopefully I'll get everything "on point".
2378567
On point.
2378595 noted ^ ^"...
I may have changed a little of the first 2 chapters due to the comments I've recieved from Drawdex and Levimos, so they've been minimally modified!
That is all >w<!!!
You are best banana
2479594 Lolz ty for that input Emerald!! >w<
Mother fucking banana!!!
Don't worry it's a compliment... Don't look at me in that tone of voice, just go with it.
2668675 xD
Hey dude
2768592
Heeeeeeeeeeey Em!!
Hope you're having an awesome summer,dude!
W-Wow it's just an honor!" I said bowing down,but accidentally tripped and fell on my face.
Thats it I'm out down vote. Fuck royalty.
2810806
Lolz, well you have your opinions ^ ^"
I'm thinking of going back and editing the older chapters since I've been so keen on changing the style I've type to the story so it'll look neater! (and without lots of typos)
I might need an editor just in case, so could anyone help me whenever I'm in a jam? T ^ T
2813067
Thank you!
2813516
Oh, that's easy, you just click that clip art image right next to the youtube one, copy the URL of the picture/gif you want by right clicking it, paste it in, then VIOLA, you've got you're picture in.
odubleedblue.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/chuck-norris-thumbs-up.jpg
Hope that helps!
3033384
Hey thanks Ryan!
By the way, I'm planning on fixing the previous chapters for mistakes in punctuation and misspells!
this is a good start keep going.
3292879
Ty! d(^.^d)
so he has a friend for every aspect of harmony ? .w.
3386783
In a way, yeah!
But as the story progress, Alex and Mia gets a few enemies too! xD
[Posted on 11/29/13]
I'm planning on posting the next 2 chapters tomorrow night!!! O:
Try to keep posted >w<!
It's hard keeping these promises, just lucky they aren't PINKIE PROMISES!! * gulp*
I've already worked on the other chapters, I swear, but I'll try and post them now that my absence from FIMfiction has ended so....PLEASE don't think I've left this series alone!!!
back in action ahy
4745659
I appreciate it, I'll keep your help in mind! :D
4748976
You got that right!!! \(>.<)/ I'll be juggling college work and fanfictions and games, man it's difficult!! @.@
I'll be editing the past chapters probably tomorrow because of some college stuff I have to take care of, say bye bye to all those little typos! \('w')/
4825834
[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: PROMISE KEEPER] Booyah!~
Thanks Blazer!
So far this whole college to fan fictions to games thing is going PERFECT!! 
All that's left are the pictures of my Original ponies!
4830870
Gotcha! ^ ^
This feels more like a personal comment, but... my next chapter took a little time to shorten down sense I kinda of like it myself! So if I'm a little late on publishing it, my bad >o<!
I've posted up a small reference of my original ponies, BUT I'm also still typing the 17th chapter in the process so please look forward to it!
4847717 some of the extras characters need sexes,because i can't tell even with context clues
4850182
I'll list the sexes in probably today or tomorrow lolz! 
Ah, good point!
4886292
Ah! You're saying the title was a bit misleading?
I suppose it's a little true, I wanted to change it a few times but... it just came to me and I have no choice but to keep it!
4886329
I'm glad you recognized it!
I've been trying to keep within the actual show's preferences while still adding what I like to what I liked in the recent series while still making a full fledged fan fiction! I admit it does sound a little like a kids book because.... I did envy Hasbro's ideas on MLP so.... yea!
4886354
Thanks for the support, tis much appreciated, Shift!