This Unusual Little World

by PathOfTheAwesomePie

Chapter 2: Welcome To Equestria?

Twilight and I were heading to somepony's house who's name was Rarity,so to speak, sounds like a very petite name if you ask me.

"So we're in Equestria and I'm in Ponyville...right?" I said, still hopelessly confused.

"That's right, Alex!" Twilight replied.

We finally saw the town that supposedly had other ponies in it up ahead, then Twilight stopped for a moment. "Wait, I think that it's best that you waited here at the park." She said.

"What, why?" I questioned.

"Well, I just don't want anypony to raise suspicion since...well...you know..." Twilight clacked her hooves in a signifying way of embarrassment.

"Huh, OH, oh right...with me being a ...none...pony." I said with a distinct laugh.

"I'll be back from Carousel Boutique and we can discuss things later, okay?" Twilight said.

"Okay I guess wait, there's a boutique here..!?" before i could get my entire sentence out, she headed to town. "Oh wow, that's one fast unicorn." I said as i sat down on one of the park benches and waited.

"Heh, to think that a day of nothing turned into...this." I said to myself. After a few minutes when I was still mumbling to myself, a bunny came hopping by.

"Huh!" I said, startled. "Oh it's just a rabbit, surprised it can't talk like that unicorn..." I said with a grin.

The bunny jumped on my head and began batting it with it's feet. "H-hey what the..!" I kept shooing it off my head until it decided to stop, the bunny started laughing.

"Oh, so that's how you wanna be,eh?" I rose from the bench glaring at it. We both got into a sudden stare down until there was a surprisingly soothing voice.

"Angel!" said the voice. The rabbit flopped it's ears down as if it was showing remorse.

"Angel, who's Angel...um..." I looked around for a second only to see that there was no one there.

"You should be ashamed of yourself for picking on this poor creature like that." said the voice again.

"Okay, why does people keep insisting I'm an "it" or some "creature"...um...who's talking by the way!?" I asked, once again confused.

"Oh...e-excuse me." the voice sounded closer, then I felt a small tap on my back.

"Oh yeah, who is i what in the world!?" I shouted, startled by a flying pony.

"Eek!" said the flying pony in a tiny squeal.

"W-What are you...a horse...another unicorn that can fly...or..." I said constantly guessing, then I noticed her wings that were hidden from plain sight. "no way...A PEGASUS!?" I said in total awe.

"Um...y-yes, I'm sorry for being a pegasus, mister creature..." She responded in an innocent voice.

"Oh, um...I should be the one apologizing for scaring you like that." I replied.

"Oh no, it's fine, I'm often scared a little, but not all the " the pegasus then had a leaf land on her right wing. "Yipe!" She reacted with a short screech with fright.

"Um yea, I can see that..." I said laughing a little. "So who are you if you don't mind me asking?,"

The pink manned pegasus regained her balance. "W-Who me, oh...my name is..." before the pegasus could finish her sentence, a sharp voice came out of nowhere.

"Hey Fluttershy, Fluttershy where'd you go!?," The voice seemed like it came from the skies.

"Huh who was that!?," I asked, but once I looked up, I saw what I just couldn't believe. It was a multi-colored manned blue pegasus showing off some serious speed.

"Oh,there you are Fluttershy, what's the big idea hiding in the bushes again?," said the blue pegasus as it landed to where me and the other pegasus was.

"Um...," It was all I could say, dumbstruck.

"Hmm, who are you?," the blue pegasus asked with piercing eyes.

"W-Who me, oh um, the name's Alex Mackenzie.," I replied with a small wave.

"Ah, looks like a pony I've never seen before!" the blue pegasus said. "Well cool, me name's...," The blue pegasus dashed around me and got Fluttershy then back to the position she started at. "Rainbow Dash, FASTEST, COOLEST pegasus in all of Equestria!!," she said setting down Fluttershy near her.

"Wow, talk about amazing!" I said with a small smile.

"Ha, amazing, try AWESOME!" Rainbow replied.

"Amazing!" I repeated flailing my hands in the air like it's some sort of debate.

"Awesome!" Rainbow repeated.

We kept repeating our words until we came face to face and ironically both screamed "AMAZINGLY AWESOME!" at the very end.

"I gotta say, this pegasus has got some spirit!"

Fluttershy was tending the animals in the park as me and Dash were randomly talking about things we both liked and how she proved to be the fastest in all of Equestria.

"You're not half bad,Alex, why don't you hang with me and Fluttershy sometime?" She said flying around me in circles. "We could probably oh that's right, me and Flutter's heading out on storm cloud patrol so catch you later, okay!" Rainbow shouted as she zoomed ahead of town carrying Fluttershy with Angel on her head.

"Bye mister Alex, see you soon!" said Fluttershy waving her hoof at me.

"Take cares, Fluttershy!" I said with a smile on my face. Angel made a mocking expression at me from afar. "You too, you little demonic bunny..." I said under my breath.

I waited over ten minutes for Twilight, so I decided to wait a little more. "Okay, I'm back, sorry it took so long Alex." Twilight said as she came walking back from out of town.

"Oh, nah it's okay, I kind of had some company after you left." I said laughing.

"You did? who did you meet, I still don't want anypony afraid of how you look or start asking questions." Twilight said putting up her hoof over her mouth.

"Don't worry, Twilight, they seemed cool, besides one of them's pretty awesome!" I said.

"Oh, well then, if you say so!" She said with a laugh.

While that short conversation was over, I heard two other voices approaching from where Twilight came from.

"Spike, mind trying not to eat the new set of designs I made next time, honestly those rubies were very hard to come by." said one in a complaining tone.

"Oh, um, sorry Rarity, I couldn't help myself...they l-looked tasty" said the other, which sounded like some voice from when I met Twilight.

I turned around and to my surprise I spotted a small, purple dragon with undeveloped spikes. "No way... a dragon, that's impossible!" I said and fell to the ground.

"What's with you, h-huh, whoa, you're that thing Twilight and I found laying on the ground!" said the little dragon.

"..." I facepalmed myself at the remark.

"Yes...yes I am that "thing" that you and Twilight found..."

"Twilight, what exactly is this... um... thing?" said the shining unicorn with purple mane.

"Okay, it's REALLY starting to get offensive being called a "thing" in the world, you know that!" I replied in a grumpy tone.

"Oh, ha ha, sorry for not properly introducing you to them yet." said Twilight with a chuckle as she helped me back up.

"Rarity and Spike, I'd like you to meet Alex Mackenzie, he's not from Equestria!" Twilight said happily.

"Hey guys!" I replied with a small wave.

"Well, nice to meet you mister Alex, and..." the dolled up,purple maned pony looked at me for an instant.

"Um, something wrong?" I asked.

"You could say that, I mean...look at those filthy holes in that thing you're WEARING!!" she said as she tried to urge me to take off my shirt.

"Aww, i-it's nothing bad, really, ha ha..." I said, still resisting to take off my shirt.

"Oh pish posh, darling, you must let me fix it, please?" the purple manned pony said with a caring voice.

Twilight tapped my shoulder. "Don't worry, Alex, rarity can fix those holes easily and you'll look even better, trust her." she said with a smile.

"Well, okay, if you really think so..." I took my shirt off and lent it to Rarity, luckily for me I had an undershirt to prevent ponies from seeing my entire upper body.

"Seriously, you'd think ponies care about a human dude's abs?" I thought to myself.

"Thank you, darling, since you're new here, I'll do this free of charge!" She said as she rushed off to town.

"Will she really be able to fix them, I mean their sewn by profes--" before I could even finish my sentence, the purple manned unicorn returned and said

"All done!" with a smile.

"Wow, that was fast, thank's a lot Rarity...um I mean *ahem* Miss Rarity." I said showing my gratitude.

"You're very welcome, you're a real stallion mister Alex." Rarity said giggling a bit.

"Is...is she coming onto me...or was that just a way of thanks in a new way in this world?"

"By the way, you... don't eat gems like little Spikey Wikey, now do you?" She asked hesitantly.

"W-Well, no, I don't think I do." I said scratching my head in confusion. Rarity gave a sigh of relief after hearing my answer.

"Well, we should be heading back to the library okay, Spike, um... Spike?" Twilight said noticing Spike was constantly gazing at Rarity with some pretty beloving eyes.

"Bow-chica-wow-wow-chica-wow-wow, huh Spike?" I whispered to Spike.

"W-What does that mean, is that some kinda code?" He said freaked out and confused.

"Ha ha, you'll know some day...eventually." I said.

As Spike, Twilight and I left the park, we waved to Rarity as she went back to the boutique, Twilight insisted it was safe to go back to the treehouse library because there weren't a lot of ponies walking around in the night and so we went back.

"I'm getting to like this place more and more..." I thought to myself.

Author's Note:

The story will also have a few Flash back scenes that'll relate to some parts of the fan fiction, it gives some sentences more feeling and ...such! (couldn't quite think of the word.)

Comments

[Levimos]

Am i seriously the only commenter? oh well.. good story, you just need an editor to fix those mistakes. and no i am not an editor..

[PathOfTheAwesomePie]

2375118 Oh i DID have some mistakes,didn't i? '~'...Well ty for the heads up lolz since it's my first fan fiction, I guess i rushed too into it.

[Drawdex]

Hello there.

My point to comment is in the depth and motive of this story, the comedic slice of life points you are actually putting in the tags that bind you into a particular way of narration.

Before you read the rest of my comment I need to ask, is this more of an slice of life or comedic fic?

If this is a comedy I'm sure that it's a not serious comedy; Picture any troll fic, internet meme, and you get the picture.

BUT if you are heading for the Slice in life tag you're doing something particularly wrong.

dumpaday.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/funny-demotivational-posters-speed-bumps.jpg

Your choice in speed.

If it's a slice of life with hints of comedy, a LOT about it is wrong, I feel nothing for this prick that doesn't care about anything other than himself, the choice in words and descriptions are bad, etc.

This is if your doing a Slice in life/comedy.

So... where to begin?

...The first chapter and therefor you beginning...

If you have visited this site before you can notice the large amount of stories that involve humans going into equestria, and if so you should know for a fact that the accidental summon, died and now in equestria, or random portal are in between the most hated methods of bringing your human into equestria.

Not about the how but because of their unoriginality and sudden move to bring the desired events of a specific scene that you pictured in your mind a lot of distance forward into the story to happen.

~My life wasn't as great as other people's lives; but, it was decent; and it was mine. I had a home, I had friends, and I had a family, but all of that wasn't so fun. "Why is my life so dull?" I thought to myself, only to realize that I needed some excitement in my life. I just wanted something unexpected to happen, that could change the way I view my life.~

I can't believe how fast you made your MC an old style Disney princess. Always wanting more.

"Ah, you've seem to have gain back consciousness!" said the mysterious creature. After she said that I was oddly observing her, trying not to see if I was hallucinating or not. (even though I was already confused to begin with.)

'After she said that I' was unnecessary you already brought out the point that she spoke. And ‘trying not to see if I was' was a double negative. Unless that's what you were going for,

"Ah, you've seem to have gain back consciousness!" said the mysterious creature. I just continued to oddly observe her, trying to make sure if I was hallucinating or not. (even though I was already confused to begin with.)

"Okay, what are you doing?" said the mysterious creature. "It's just...it's just that...nah, I'm just dreaming." I said slightly taking in the surrounding I was in. "It's just what?" She continued asking. "Well, let me say it like this...YOU-ARE-A-TALKING-UNICORN!!!" I shouted in confusion. "Oh, so you know about our species already, how fascinating!" the purple unicorn tapped her front hooves together as if she was clapping for joy.

You have three dialogues in one phrase. Don't.

Separate them.

"Okay, what are you doing?" said the mysterious creature, so as I great guy that I am, I answered accordingly

"It's just...it's just that...nah, I'm just dreaming." I said, taking in my surroundings.

"It's just what?" It

You still don't know if it's a she.

continued asking.

"Well, let me say it like this...YOU-ARE-A-TALKING-UNICORN!!!" I shouted in confusion, this was way too much.

"Oh, so you know about our species already, how fascinating!" the purple unicorn tapped her front hooves together as if she was clapping for joy.

"It's a forest close to one of my best friend’s home, she's very gentle in nature... and to nature as well." The purple unicorn replied.

I thought Twilight was better at not speaking with total strangers and totally unknown creatures about her friends the one minute or less. Shame on you Twilight, shame on you.

"My name in Twilight Sparkle, pleased to make your acquaintance!"

Twilight, not Applejack.

Twilight said in a very elegant manner.

Nor Rarity.

"Wow, so you um....have a name, too..."I mumbled to myself,

Did you tried to say.

"Wow, that's um....quite a name, you..."I mumbled to myself,

"Hmm, what do you mean, Alex?"

A little too fast with the trusting there.

And that was just chapter one, the rest of the chapter seems like a repetition of the mistakes above over and over.

Chapter two had all the same mistakes as the first, several plot holes, several laps in logic and about seven not so bight thought processing in the name of our MC and canon characters.

"Ah, looks like a person I've never seen before!"

I don't need to point this out.

And everything from there was downhill in terms of logical plot points and well developed relatetionships.

Given the comedic rout I’m seeing this story take, I can’t say much really, I will see where this is headed and will tell what I see in it as a whole, but because of the start this one has, I don't see it going at anything other than comedy.

And if you're doing a comedy, I'll stop my commenting now, sorry to disturb.

[PathOfTheAwesomePie]

2376968 no, you're right about it ... now that I look at it, it doesn't seem to be slice of life, but I wanted the ENTIRE story to be a variety of different genres so that it could make it more unique. I'm planning on adapting my fan fiction typing and grammar skills as we speak...or comment in this matter.

ANY advice of help counts, I appreciate it Dex, I'll try to make a few of the adjustments in my later chapters!

[Drawdex]

2377109

Wait, you mean that this story is actually to be considered serious? or comedical?

[Drawdex]

2377109

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But back to seriousness, why?

I have no stories posted yet, I don't lead any groups, I have really done nothing yet to deserve anyone for watching me. Really.

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[sirraf]