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TheSlorg

Joined January 2012
618 followers

* EQD Pre-reader * Best Author nominee: 2013 Pony Awards * Eight time featured writer on Equestria Daily * Head Editor and Co-Creator of PonyFall * Founder of the Junebug Fan Club * Songwriter

Stories (10)

  • If Only In My Dreams
    On Hearth's Warming Eve, an outcast female changeling searches for kindness in the most unlikely of places.

    3,140 words · 4,236 views · 504 likes · 4 dislikes
  • Lyra's Ultimate Item Emporium
    Lyra, with some help from Bon Bon, converts her home into a shop in Ponyville to pay off some debts. But who knew running a shop could be so difficult?
    14,928 words · 4,250 views · 497 likes · 5 dislikes
  • Princess Luna and the Cotton Candy Sugar Rush
    Princess Luna discovers cotton candy and proceeds to consume vast amounts with the help of Pinkie Pie.
    5,473 words · 3,240 views · 261 likes · 3 dislikes
  • Imaginary
    A young girl faces life's challenges with a little help from Pinkie Pie.
    5,902 words · 3,487 views · 360 likes · 9 dislikes
  • The Day My Beard Turned Into Pinkie Pie
    20,333 words · 6,880 views · 488 likes · 14 dislikes
  • Half Minute Horses
    11,556 words · 4,078 views · 448 likes · 13 dislikes
  • PonyFall: Australia
    123,045 words · 9,666 views · 860 likes · 42 dislikes
  • The Cutie Mark Master
    2,831 words · 6,818 views · 188 likes · 7 dislikes
  • Surface Deep
    5,652 words · 2,144 views · 110 likes · 5 dislikes
  • Worlds Apart: At Eternity's End
    3,348 words · 326 views · 66 likes · 2 dislikes

Blog Posts (368)

Source

Featured on Equestria Daily

Rarity has always been Ponyville's most elegant and fashionable resident. Her generosity knows no bounds, but what caused her to have such aspirations of fame and glamour? Sometimes to find the answers, you need to go beyond surface deep.

First Published
7th Feb 2012
Last Modified
17th Mar 2012

Comments ( 35 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 136w, 5d ago · · ·

This will be a rather short story, about 3 - 4 chapters in total.

I hope I set the proper kind of mood. This story is not meant to be depressing, but rather to provide a bit of a glimpse of what's going on beneath the make-up and glitter. I feel that fans of The Cutie Mark Master may enjoy this one, as I'm trying to follow the same format in that the storyline could realistically be used in the show's canon.

As always, please forgive any minor grammatical errors that may have slipped through, and thank you for reading. :twilightsmile:

#2 · Chapter 1 · 136w, 4d ago · · ·

Well, nothing spectacular by now... but I'll track this to see what happens.

#3 · Chapter 1 · 135w, 6d ago · · ·

... i dont get it, did she get bullied or something :twilightblush: im clueless

#4 · Chapter 1 · 135w, 6d ago · · ·

More to come on this story shortly. I've been tied up with trying to get the next chapter of The Final Element out while dealing with other things.

It will all become clear in the next chapter or two.

#5 · Chapter 1 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

:ajsmug: Now this is interesting. It's a shame it seems to have fallen by the wayside, because Rarity is a fascinating character and this looks like a promising set-up for a character study. What happened at the school? Why is Rarity so obsessed with perfection? What's the story behind the dress?  It would be great to see what take you'd, um...well, take... on this protagonist's psychology. :raritywink:

There's my two cents, as it is. I still give two thumbs up to The Cutie Mark Master, and I notice you've got a bigger fanfic project on the go, so understandable if you've got time constraints and/or want to do other stories.

#6 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

>>330442 You've talked me into finishing this. Working on the 3rd and final chapter right now.

#7 · Chapter 2 · 131w, 1d ago · · ·

>>332186

Hey, no problem.:raritywink: I'm glad I did; this chapter was fascinating. Rarity was getting picked on at school for her farm origins, so she becomes a perfectionist as a reaction to it. This is nicely realistic, I could see the idea fitting into canon, and it's easy to empathize with her in this situation. I really like how you weave the flashback in between the present day scenes. I could learn one or two things about setting the mood from this passage. :raritystarry:

This story is like a mirror image of Applejack - AJ prefers country living to sophisticated socialite living, Rarity the opposite. I don't know if you were aiming for that, but the irony of Rarity coming from a farm is a good one to explore, and it's nice to see she enjoyed it once. And it can work if Rarity's father is an earth pony, as many have speculated (notice you never see his horn in that scene?).

:scootangel:Great work! I'll be back to read the next chapter for sure. I can't give feedback on par with that of the Equestria Daily pre-readers, but I wish you luck if you do submit.

#8 · Chapter 3 · 131w, 16h ago · · ·

:unsuresweetie: A bit shaky in one or two places - for instance, Rainbow seems to switch from "I'll run you a bath" to "I'll sort out who made you cry" a little too quickly, or at least a little too plainly. For instance:

> "I made it nice a warm, and... oh my gosh, are you crying? Who did this to you? I'll show them not to mess with my friends!"

could be rewritten more like

> "I made it nice and warm, and - are you crying? Is she crying? What happened? Is she hurt? Did somepony do something to her? Did they do that?" She pointed at the mud on Rarity's mane. "Those jerks! Who did it, Rarity? I'll show them! Mess with my friends, will they? I'll give 'em the old one-two and a -"

I admit this might be personal interpretation, but I was thinking of Sonic Rainboom when Rainbow goes into a rant about how she's going to fail. Also, "They were too busy being her best friends for that" seems a little telly, not to mention over-sweet. I'd replace it with "They were too busy helping her for that" or "They were too busy cleaning her up for that", or however you prefer.

While I'm at it, I think there were a few spelling errors and tense problems in the last chapter, as well. For instance, They were a culmination of years of studying the fashion industry, thousands of hours of practice and experience, and an early desire to become the very best at what she does should end with a past tense "did" rather than a present tense "does" because you're using the past tense when describing the list ("They were").  A second example is this:

"It's just a little dirt, it never hurt anyone."

Replace that comma with either a semi-colon or a full stop. Commas shouldn't be used to separate two sentences that can stand alone.

:fluttershysad:Please don't take this the wrong way. I really like this fic, and I think it's just a few polishes shy of becoming EQD.com material. I'd recommend going onto ponychan and looking for a reviewer in the fanfic section (the pre-readers tend to be more sympathetic if you've been to a reviewer first). I'd particularly recommend the Training Grounds thread, which is the MAIN thread (if you can't find it by browsing, there's a search option in the top right). I've used it myself, and they were very helpful, but be prepared to wait days for a reply if you do consider this option.

:pinkiehappy:But enough gloominess. On the good side, I really liked the canon nods - Sweetie's name origin, Rarity's thoughts when encountering Twilight, the auction (I think - it is a reference to Sweet and Elite, isn't it?), even the subtle way you addressed the Blueblood angle. They were nice touches all the way through.:twilightsmile:

Nicely done, and good to see both a happy ending and a thoughtful moral.:raritywink: Well done!:raritystarry:

#9 · Chapter 3 · 131w, 15h ago · · ·

>>334821 Constructive feedback is good feedback. I've corrected the grammatical errors, and stole a slightly-altered version of your Rainbow Dash dialogue. I admit I need to be in the right kind of mood to properly write Rainbow Dash, and I was not in that mood when I wrote it.

I've left the "best friends" line as-is. I personally like it. If the pre-readers disagree, I may consider altering it. I don't feel that changing it would be any kind of improvement for the tone I wanted to set there. Just like the ending to an actual episode of My Little Pony, it's supposed to be a bit "over-sweet".

You're correct with all of the canon nods, including the auction. It's not necessarily the same auction from the show, but it's the same venue and the same auctioneer-pony.

The pre-readers haven't gotten back to me yet, so hopefully the corrections have been done in time to save a little bit of a headache later on. I'm not a fan of relying on Ponychan or anything else, though. I'm of the mindset that I succeed or fail based on my own decisions. If EQD likes the story and gives it a chance, then it's my own fault if I can't get it right within 3 tries.

Thanks for reading, and for the advice. I'm glad this little story was worth reading.

#10 · Chapter 3 · 130w, 18h ago · · ·

A couple of edits and a few rewritten passages and BAM. Equestria Daily-approved. Let's hope people like this somewhat altered version.:pinkiehappy:

#11 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

>>361881 well by the looks of it let the view spree come :D

I will try to arrange time to read this, and for the comments i read it look a really solid and good read. Good job.:raritywink:

#12 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

>>367088 I literally burst out laughing when I saw FiMFiction go down for maintenance the moment this hit EQD. The story of my life!

Anyway, now that we're back up, I'll be eager to hear everypony's thoughts. Again, this is my first really serious attempt at anything outside of comedy other than an HiE fic I'm writing. Hopefully everyone enjoys. :twilightsmile:

#13 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

Dawww. In the end, Rarity is okay.:twilightsmile:

Really though, I HATE bullies, even though I was never a real victim. Perhaps it's the fact that the concept of looking good by making someone look bad makes me sick. Glad Rarity dealt with it.

#14 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

This story is head canon now. It explains alot.

#15 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

If the show was aimed at a slightly older audience, this could easily be an episode. Great, great story.:raritywink:

#16 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

Awesome story! Second story to make me go "aww.." in a few parts. Rarity is such an under appreciated character and this has made me like her a lot more. Great job and keep up the good work. I'll be sure to feature this in my article! That is....if it's okay with you..

#17 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

>>368058 Thank you. Unless you write an article titled "Worst Fan-Fics of All-Time," I won't have any problems with that.:derpyderp2:

I like having as many people as possible get the chance to read my stuff, because hopefully I can make those people smile (or laugh, cry, etc)!

#18 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

>>368292 Nope, it's an article actually describing in good reasoning why you should watch MLPFIM, and you'll be featured in the The Fandom>>Fanfiction section.

(Why the hell does it say 368292 instead of TheSlorg? Eh, oh well.)

#19 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

Not bad, not at all. 3.5/5 stars.

#20 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 6d ago · · ·

>>368501 It's a placeholder until you reload the page. :raritywink:

I loved this story; in fact, the only disappointing thing is that it wasn't longer! I could happily read a more in-depth accounting of Rarity's time as a filly in this setting - but I appreciate that it was likely the feelings and legacy that you were aiming to impart here, which you did very well.

#21 · Chapter 2 · 129w, 5d ago · · ·

Trendy Star seems like she would love being in a Representative Republic. Popularity certainly makes elections easier.

#22 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 4d ago · · ·

Very well written. I enjoyed every second of this fanfic.:raritywink:

#23 · Chapter 3 · 129w, 1d ago · · ·

Magnificent. I'm always amazed at how some of you, writers, can add depth where there wasn't supposed to be one. Congratulations on not only the idea alone, but also on the amazing way you written it. And thanks for sharing. :twilightsmile: Have a thumb.

#24 · Chapter 3 · 126w, 16h ago · · ·

This story fits amazingly well considering how imo Rarity is the most complex of the Mane 6, and everything just seemed right. Good Job bud :raritywink:

#25 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

I'm sorry to disrupt this magnificent story :applecry: but it just feels like it's missing a scene or a single sentence. There is no given explanation as to why Rarity chose to go to Twilight's place after the rain started. There are reasonable explanations that quickly come to mind (like she forgot the time and everyone was waiting for her), but still...

(I kinda get compulsive over such little things:facehoof:)

#26 · Chapter 3 · 123w, 6d ago · · ·

>>552806 It was established in chapter 1 that she would be delivering the dresses 'in a week'. It's also established in that chapter that it would be raining 'next week'.

There really didn't need to be anything explaining that they would meet indoors somewhere. Rain + Finished dresses = Meet the girls inside somewhere.

#27 · Chapter 3 · 103w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

That was definitely a stirring read. I can't quite say much other than that; it's just great.

#28 · Chapter 3 · 93w, 2d ago · 1 · ·

There are only certain fics out there that have moved me to shed tears, either happy or sad: 'My Little Dashie,' 'Background Pony', 'Piano Man Act 1 & 2' and 'Simply Rarity' Just to name a few.

You can now add this one to that list.

Powerfully written and well deserving of its place on EQD. One of the many reasons that I am coming to like Rarity more and more.

#29 · Chapter 3 · 74w, 6h ago · · ·

This story makes me sad that I cannot properly enjoy it, as I just don't see Rarity that way and so it does not resonate as it ought to when I read it.

#30 · Chapter 3 · 74w, 6h ago · · ·

>>2460045 See, this is the kind of feedback/criticism I wish more people would bother to leave.

What I like about this comment is that you didn't just read something, disagree with it, then leave a thumbs-down. Far too many people do this.

You explained what you disagreed with, realized that it doesn't necessarily make it a bad story, and held off on giving any thumbs at all. Kudos for being one of the very few who are capable of giving feedback the right way, and thank you!

#31 · Chapter 3 · 73w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

Absolutely love this story, top notch writing mate.

Rarity is easily my favourite character in the show, and I love your version of her background.

Too many authors leave out the depth that this character deserves and I love how much you put into her character.

My favourite aspect was how you drew connections between Rarity's current character and the origin of certain traits from her youth.

Love this, love the character, love the writing and love the plot.

Great Job

#32 · Chapter 3 · 72w, 3h ago · 1 · ·

This is really sweet, you made me smile! Rainbow Dash's line upon seeing Rarity's tears reminded me of one of my own best friends, and so that was what touched me the most. The letter seems especially well thought out, and is a morale I can agree with :twilightsmile:

#33 · Chapter 3 · 71w, 4h ago · · ·

As someone who knows how little Rarity felt, I find this story touching, amazing, and sweet.  I always wanted to see a good story about Rarity... didn't know it would relate to me too.  :raritywink:

#34 · Chapter 3 · 24w, 4d ago · · ·

Here I am again =) It was a couple of days ago that I read this, but here goes:

I really felt for Rarity, the exploration of her backstory really brought the character to life for me. So many of her idiosyncrasies are made understandable by this backstory, it makes her an even more sympathetic character for me – and she used to annoy the absolute crap out of me. Very effective. And the moment when the dresses were ruined... the build-up was so well handled; I was really invested in those dresses! So crushing. It made the acceptance of Rarity's friends all the more touching. Well done!

Now, some suggestions, just on this last chapter. As usual, offered in all humility =)

“…in which she could sell her designs. The carousel design…” ‘design’ used twice close together. Not a biggie.

Sweetie shouldn’t be capitalized, as it’s not yet a name.

“…every bit earned from selling fashions…”

“…one of the bits of luggage…” bits  pieces or items. The colloquialism doesn’t mesh well with the tone of the rest of the narration.

I feel like the line where Rarity notices the clothes got run over deserves its own line, for more impact. It’s a supreme tragedy, after all. The worst. Possible. Thing.

“Why, Rarity, you are a talent,” she turned to face…” comma  period

“…is the best gift I can think of that you could give us,” feels like an awkward sentence. Maybe try “…would be the best gift for us, right, girls?” or something.

“…all throughout the room.” I feel is a bit redundant. “all through” or “throughout” should suffice.

“…little more than a bath,” italicize “little”. It totally fits with her mannerisms.

Anyway... loved it!

#35 · Chapter 3 · 24w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

>>4172386 Howdy again!

The third story I wrote, over two years ago. How things change! I remember one of my own criticisms of this story being that Rarity cried a bit too often. I think I changed it up and removed or altered some of those scenes since it felt forced.

I really should go over my older stories and give them a good editing sweep, but I'm glad you liked this one. I felt for the longest time that this was my most underrated story. :raritywink:

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