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Vantire

Joined February 2013
1 followers

Stories (1)

  • The Violet Revolution
    The November Revolution has started in Equestria, Earth ponies fighting the other races due to racial and social inequality. Yet a young filly is caught in the crossfire, what will befall of her?

    4,346 words · 145 views · 4 likes · 6 dislikes

Wars are never pretty especially when you're a young filly. As the revolution rages on, the second battle of the war is in Nieghzny. Aerial bombings and artillery attacks are rampant. The Equestrian Army marches in Nieghzny to confront the Earth Ponies’ Army (EarPA), leading to the city becoming a burning inferno. Can young Violetta survive the war torn environment?

First Published
1st Apr 2013
Last Modified
11th May 2013

Comments ( 4 )

#1 · Chapter 2 · 55w, 1d ago · · ·

Nice story, but it has a few places where a comma should be and where a comma shouldn't be. Also, try to work a bit on character development. For a first fanfic, this is actually pretty good and for the most part, the grammar and spelling is good (Except for the commas). It is showing a lot of potential so far and I await the next chapter.

I give it 7/10

Comment posted by Vantire deleted at 1:58am on the 2nd of April, 2013
#3 · Chapter 2 · 55w, 1d ago · · ·

>>2358050 Thanks mate, I'll be more vigilant on the use of commas and I guess I'll try harder in explaining the characters.

#4 · Chapter 1 · 49w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

Y'know what? This ain't that bad, and I've written my fair share of Equestrian conflict fics. Check out my stories if you have the time, might give you some good insight on how to better your stories. Not saying mine are better, but you may be able to learn something from them. And the rating? Don't get down because of that, I'm currently suffering from such a dilemma in my story, Interviews for a War Veteran, and I'm sure it's not that bad, just like yours. You have a like from me, and I will follow the story as it develops! :pinkiehappy:

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