Eakin's Rapid Fire Pony Fics

by Eakin

Forever and Ever

Celestia reached out from her balcony with her divine magic, stirring the cosmos and bringing the dawn forth for the... millionth time? Billionth? Trillionth? In truth she had lost count long ago. Most ponies, she knew, thought of her immortality as a curse or at best a mixed blessing.

They were wrong. Living forever was amazing.

She didn’t have the heart to tell them that all the tragic plays and epic works of literature they had written about her (or thinly-veiled copies of her) were starting from a flawed premise. That she wasn’t perpetually on the edge of buckling under a thousand lifetimes of accumulated stress or contemplating boredom-induced suicide.

At a social gathering a few centuries ago, a pony with a knack for mathematics had been seated next to her. He was nervous, as her subjects often were in her presence, and imbibed a somewhat imprudent amount of wine to settle his nerves. Halfway through his third glass he’d turned to her and very earnestly explained how every time a deck of cards was randomly shuffled it was overwhelmingly likely that the configuration it ended up in had never existed at any time throughout history. There were more ways to shuffle a deck of cards than there were stars in Luna’s sky. That had stuck with her. Infinite possibilities in just fifty two little slips of paper. And she had an entire kingdom. How could she ever get bored with that?

Did she sometimes resent the responsibilities of being the Princess of Equestria? Sure, but that wasn’t an immortal thing. Mortals felt the stress of their jobs all the time, even jobs they loved. Plus being immortal meant that she could, on the spur of the moment, hand the crown off to her equally-qualified sister and spend the odd decade or so sailing the Maribbean as ‘Celestia, Queen of the Pirates’ without regrets. Hypothetically. On a completely unrelated note, she reminded herself to renew the Official State Secret classification on the name of the island where a sizable portion of the Equestrian treasury was still buried.

There had been pain and hard times. Countless generations of ponies she’d seen be born, grow up, age and die. She felt the sting of that loss, but only because of how sharply it contrasted with the lifetimes full of incredible joy she’d been privileged to share with them. There was ample love in her heart for every new soul that touched hers, and even after all this time her little ponies were still finding new ways to surprise her. As for the ones that had passed on, well, as long as she remembered them how could she say they were really gone? As long as she remembered them, she could share her greatest blessing with them. That of eternal life.

Author's Note:

Originally my part of the This I Believe collab, which I forgot about for a long time and decided to repost here when I accidentally rediscovered it. And yes, this was the original incarnation of 'Pirate Queen Celestia' from The Late Afternoon of the Zombie Gerbil Horde

Comments

[Spectrumancer]

This right here is why I find "woe the immortal" types of stories silly.

[djthomp]

Amen.

‘Celestia, Queen of the Pirates’ needs to be a long, epic story.

[Eakin]

5854661
I'm not sure it does. Oh, the idea is fantastic in the abstract, but I don't know how it translates to an all-out story. I think the 'pirateyness' (totally a word) rapidly eclipses and subsumes Celestia as a character. One of the many cases where whatever the reader imagines is far superior to what's on the page.

[djthomp]

5854679 Yeah, you're probably right about that. unfortunately.

Maybe a one-shot or two, like found footage chapters out of a larger story where the rest is missing.

[Eakin]

5854719
Always frustrating when a really amazing concept pops into your head that doesn't translate well to a longer work. 'Pirate Queen Celestia' is absolutely amazing fanfic fodder, just not something I can dig my teeth into as a writer.

If someone wants to steal the idea, though, they can't because they're free to take it. Ha! Can't steal what I'm already giving away! Checkmate, felons!

[TechSavii]

5854679
But Luna fits the bill perfectly! Once again, maybe only a one-shot, but pirate Luna is awesome.

[arancaytar]

and spend the odd decade or so sailing the Maribbean as ‘Celestia, Queen of the Pirates’ without regrets. Hypothetically.

Not that this ever happened.

But now I kind of want a Pirate Luna story.

Edit: At least there's plenty of art to enjoy.

http://marbleyarns.deviantart.com/art/Commodore-Luna-286655998

th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/053/7/0/commodore_luna_by_drcue-d4qo16m.jpg

[Eakin]

5855110
Not really sure I agree. Whether it's Luna or Celestia, a big part of their authority and regalness comes from them being Princesses, with all that entails. Strip that from them and I think you're discussing somepony else entirely.

[TechSavii]

5856122
Fair enough, my opinion is that Luna already loses that regalness during Nightmare Night, and keeps a lighthearted attitude during Sleepless in Ponyville that she isn't really your traditional 'princess', so I find fics that place her in a less sophisticated setting more easily accepted. Nevertheless, to each his own, I can see how being a princess could be considered a major character point for her, I just don't see it personally. Love the fics by the way, even going through writers block you manage to make great things!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Excellent counterpoint to the immortality blues. Who can be sad when you can take pirate vacations? Hypothetically.

[devas]

YES! YES! YES!

[NachoTheBrony]

Well, that would be a way of looking at immortality and smiling at it.

[Bugsydor]

Really glad to see someone not being depressed about living forever. There's too much cool stuff in existence and too many interesting possibilities for someone to be justifiably bored-to-death, in my opinion.

As for the problem of outliving your love and your friends, that's not exactly a new problem for humans. Many people remarry after the death of a spouse, for instance. I figure an immortal in such a position would mourn much like the rest of us would, before moving on.

[Lancerlot]

I am the very model of a modern pirate alicorn,
And I've been hauling keels since long before you lot were ever born,
So if you ever walk the plank,
It's likely me you'll have to thank,
My blow-up ball-pit you won't scorn,
For I'm a modern alicorn!

[Kagitaar]

5871163
That was great fun.

[Lancerlot]

5888040 Thanks!
I'm not much of a writer these days, but when Gilbert and Sullivan gang up on me ...all I can do is shrug and go with it.

[iisaw]

This chapter should be required reading for anyone wanting to write an angsty immortal fic!

And... yeah, I don't think Celestia and Luna could pull off the pirate queen thing... but Twilight might. Particularly if she doesn't intend to do it in the first place. Hmn....

[pterrorgrine]

5854661
5855612
5871163
5924877
Y'all know the mane 6 were pirates in one of the comics, right?

[Lancerlot]

6173199
The MLP comics ...do not exist, for me.

[djthomp]

6173199 Yes, yes I do know that, I own the issue and everything.

[arancaytar]

6173199

!!!

Most of the Bundle is still unread on my hard drive; I've barely gotten through the micro series. I can't wait.

[iisaw]

6173199
Yep, but tag-alongs don't count as real pirates. I want to see Twilight &Co. board, loot, and sink a merchantman, all for the best of reasons, and be friends with the crew afterward. C'mon... Walk the Plank would make a great party game!

[Thunder--Clash]

Ok so there is no plot whatsoever just random stories?

[MagicKnight55]

6316103
Yes.
This is just a collection of miscellaneous stories that Eakin puts here because they don't fit anywhere else.
They're just semi-random ideas he puts down to make room for bigger ones.

[Thunder--Clash]

6331640 Thanks

[PresentPerfect]

Refreshing and appreciated. :3

[superfun]

Will this ever get a new installment?
I'm only asking because I'm trying to clear out my tracking list.

[Sunny O]

9098845 I believe it's my duty to reply to every comment like this one that I encounter...
You can just create a new tracking bookshelf and throw all those "seemingly dead" in it!
It's Library > New bookshelf in the top menu, and then tick "Track unread" and/or "Email updates".
I called mine "Archive", you could call yours "Surprise update!"

[n8dagr8088]

There were more ways to shuffle a deck of cards than there were stars in Luna’s sky. That had stuck with her. Infinite possibilities in just fifty two little slips of paper. And she had an entire kingdom. How could she ever get bored with that?

good point