A familiar story cast with different players in an Equestria with mixed up roles...
A strange celestial event is lining up at the same time as this years summer sun celebration. At the behest of her mentor, The Royal Sage, Cadence is sent out to Ponyville to investigate this phenomena and it's ties to an old folk tale. At her side is The Royal Sage's personal assistant Spike and her childhood friend Shining armor. are the signs true? and if they are can the three discover the secrets of the elements of harmony in time to stop it?
(an AU with a mixed up cast. Differences from Canon? Expect role reversals, age changes and other such nonsense. A Big Thanks to Prosopeio for helping flesh this idea out.)
Chapters (7)
I like it. I was thrown off when it started, but then I realized what AU stands for(derp) but I think you executed it very well. I wanna see how it goes.
AU? Either way i likie. fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/040/2/b/twilight_sparkle_seal_of_approval_by_ahumeniy-d4p69ku.png
Insert constructive criticism here. Keep up the good work and send me more things to edit so you can put up more.
You got me interested.
Please continue.
2385346 Yeah the brainstorming process of this story was... odd to say the least. The only characters 'relatively' untouched from the sweeping changes are the princesses(and I was tempted to do other wise) and a few of the secondary/background characters. once you really get rolling with "will if this pony is like this then what about -" it just keeps going :) Hopefully the rest of the new Mane cast will go over well.
Nice start. What were these AU's that inspired you
2560101 ahh, well first off was The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine ... The concept of turning FiM into an anime-style harem romance story amused me at first and the set up was kind of interesting. Over time though the author's writing style and the randomness of many of the plot turns and character actions started to wear on me... This is what lead to Shining taking a lead part in MY story, and originally this fic was also going to be that harem style but as I planned things out the romantic hiijix got pared further and further down. Shining isn;t getting out of this without some attention but most of the cast just began to develop away from being settled into such a scenario... some of my original ideas could sneak out as non-canon shorts but meh, not worth thinking about at this point.
The other was Age Swap (That took ages to dig up and find) it was an alt-verse in the vain of most, mixing up becomes the elements of harmony. in this one it was a near flat age switch. For me I didn't like how some of the Characters came out and how they were connected... despite the cool premise everything just kinda felt flat to me... So I worked with Prosopeio to try and figure out how to make character 'pop' out more other then just being older...
heh I keep trying to avoid names but my Character tags pretty much sum up the major characters THOUGH there are several that play bigger points, it's not just the elements that make a difference after all. Hopefully you'll enjoy what character development I've given to the aged up characters and what character I give to the more background type ponies that make appearances :)
I believe you mean in and of itself.
Gratuitous Spanish much?
I think you mean senior.
I have a better offer; try off.
Anywho, aside from those and some occasional capitalization mistakes, I'd say ya done good.
I'm looking forward to where you take this story.
Chariots have heads?
Now, I know you're talking about the pegasi flying the chariot, but you need to put in something referring to them.
Awkward. Try not to use the same word/phrase over and over again. Instead of "eating up" try something like "relished" or some such.
I'm not exactly sure what you mean by this.
Add an apostrophe before the 's' to denote possession of the gaze.
Their. Why must English have so many similar sounding words?
This sentence is a bit confusing. I'm afraid I can't quite picture how this scenario plays out.
Ya still have some problems with capitalization, and I'm seeing a few spaces that I'm just itching to put commas in, but nothing deal breaking. I kid you not, there have been some stories that I've clicked that send me running just from the first few sentences due to how bad their grammar and/or spelling has been.
Fortunately, this fic isn't anywhere near that level.
I have to say, I'm liking Diamond's characterization here. Her and Scooterloo's interactions are fantastic, as well. Good work.
2608099 Alrighty, greatly appreciated the edit suggestions on both chapters. I swept in and fixed what you pointed out
Glad to hear your enjoying it thus far.
Interesting, I like the plot and character swapping. If Scoots and Tiara are about the same age as Cadence that leaves me to wonder about Sweetie Bell and to a lesser extent Apple Bloom. If it is as you said earlier I look forward to know who has been swapped and who has not swapped. Normally I would leave some vague comment saying how this story is interesting so I will follow it for now, but there is something about this story that makes believe it won't go bad. The short version of what i'm trying to say is, liked and faved. I look forward to more of this story and hope you don't update months at a time like some other authors who I will not name. Also, that scene with Scoots mistaken Cadence for Celestia was priceless.
From what I saw, I enjoyed this story. The alternate portrayals of the characters were interesting, the established environment was inviting, and you set up some nice groundwork for your adventure. I hope you're not done with this story just yet. I'd be interested to see some more.
Cool chapter! Glad this is updating again.
Ponyville really should have a permanent military presence, it's true. Rumble seems very competent here - as do Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo in their own ways, of course. It's cool to see how they might turn out as adults.
Brilliantly done as always. Minor spelling fixes here and there, but easily ignored. Keep up the great work man.
7234816 I'm just as shocked as you o.o
IT LIIIIIIIIVES!
Umm, I get the feeling there should be more words here.
7247487 Huh, not sure how that happened. Thanks for finding that :) all fixed up
Sorry I took a while to get around to reading this. I didn't know about this story until today. Still, it IS pretty darn good. Excellent job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly like how well you do keeping the characters in character despite the changes in the universe (especially Twi and Shiny apparently switching ages, but NOT roles). Well, on to the next chapter.
Excellent work on this chapter. Again, very good job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked your spin on the more mature Diamond Tiara (oddly enough, it's some surprisingly good foreshadowing in that regard considering this chapter was posted two years before "Crusaders of the Lost Mark"). Well, on to the next chapter.
Hello there. Once again, this is an excellent chapter. The exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I particularly like the characterization of the older Rumble. Well, on to the next chapter.
Hello there. Thanks very much for getting this next chapter up. Again, VERY good job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I'm guessing either Shining or Rumble is going to be Loyalty while Cadance is Magic and Scootaloo as Laughter, though I won't hazard a guess on Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle's Elements.
At any rate, even if I'm wrong about my guesses, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration.
7249650 Glad to hear your enjoying it
I try my best to make AUs/Fusions that make internal sense. Way too much time spent brainstorming with my friend heh... I tried to make all the aged up foals characters interesting in their own right but believable based on their childhood... The diamond thing was a surprise (I don't watch the show anymore but I generally keep up on the plot.)
I won't specify but you got a few of the elements right. Granted the list of element holders has changed a bit during my hiatus and rethinking things sooo hopefully you'll still roll with it once the whole crew gets settled.
7258680 Thanks for the response back. And, yeah, that's cool. I mean, I get that it's your story. :-D
7234816 My thoughts exactly. Now I have no excuse for not doing that with my stories, too...
Good start, but AUs never get much traction.
8183567 That is an unfortunate truth. I love reading and coming up AU ideas but it is hard to stay on course for the whole run. I have a bunch of ideas for this AU but as you can see on my upload schedule I've been far from consistent. my current goal for now is at least finish the nightmare moon arc before I get wrapped up in other potential tales... all I can hope is to get you guys to enjoy the journey as best I can :)
Hey there. Sorry I took so long getting back to you. Nothing to blame except self-admitted laziness. Anyway, I have to admit the thought of using an alternate version of Chrysalis (who, presumably, is A LOT nicer than her canon counterpart) DID catch me by VERY pleasant surprise. Once again, an excellent job on the exchanges, alternate characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. Well, on to the next chapter.
Again, excellent job on this latest chapter. LOVED seeing Spike get a chance to shine here. The fact he was helping a filly version of Fluttershy makes it even better. By the way Scoots said "Belle couldn't make it this year", I have a hunch that your altered ideas for Sweetie Belle involves her being a successful, but maybe sometimes too busy, singer; but I admit I COULD be wrong . Maybe, sometime later on, Spike could also help out a filly version of Rarity, which would result in the (possibly) amusing inversion of canon (i.e. here, Rarity develops a one-sided crush on HIM).
Anyway, on to the next chapter:
Again, splendid job on this latest chapter. The scenes with the librarian were quite well done. And Cadance legitimately needing her sleep is a logical way to preserve drama despite her and Shining finding the guide BEFORE Nightmare Moon's official return (i.e. it keeps them and the others from finding the elements BEFORE Nightmare Moon returns).
Anyway, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this, but will also be quite willing to be patient.