Chapter 26: Hangover

WARNING:This chapter contains walking and bad dancing.

NOTE: This is a collaboration with ultrasponge, so don't be surprised if you see randomness around every corner.

I trotted in my house, and the lights turned on all of a sudden. A flash of pink appeared.

“SURPRISE!” Pinkie yelled in my face. I lazily pushed her aside causing her to stumble.

“Fuck off, I’m going to bed.” I said, clearly sounding exhausted, and walked into my room. She followed rambling on.

“But I threw a party for you! Everypony will be there! There will be balloons, cake, and all of your friends too!” She spat out.

I groaned. “Look I’m really really tired right now, so please leave me alone.” I almost fell backwards down the stairs but fortunately she caught me.

“But the party we are going to throw for you is SOOOOOOOOOOOO important! You don’t want to abandon your friends, do you?” She asked.  

I sighed “Parties can’t be important, and if they were it would be boring as watching paint dry. Plus, I don’t think my friends would mind if I didn’t go.”  I look at her, her jaw was so low that I’m pretty sure a giraffe could of walked into it.

“I wont take no for an answer”. She declared cheerfully.

“Fine, nope.” I  walked into my room and crawled into bed. She started bouncing up and down on me, and I was getting very annoyed, very quickly.

“Come on! Pleeaaasssssseeeeee?” She begged, she gave the most amazing puppy dog eyes ever, I felt bad for a second, but I stuffed my face into my pillow to drown out her moaning. “Super duper looper pretty please with ice cream and lolipops on top and with icing?” She begged even more. She seemed to be on the verge on tears, her relentless assault on my sanity was starting to prove successful.

“Blubba-fubba” I was so tired that I couldn’t talk properly. “I what, I don’t even know.”

Pinkie Pie stopped bouncing and just stood directly over me and looked me in the eye with an almost worried look. “Are you okay Muffin?”

I heard the sound of hoofsteps coming up the stairs, unfortunately these where Ruby’s. “Muffin I just came to see if...WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!” She stared at me and Pinkie for a second longer before turning and running out of my house.  

“What was Ruby all huffy about?” Pinkie Pie asked, puzzled.

“It’s likely that she thought we where about to have sex...” I trailed off, regretting those words.

“What? When I’m sober? No thanks! Or actually...” She started.

“Pinkie please stop talking.” I put my hoof over my face. When I removed it I saw that Pinkie was now sitting rather than standing. She looked rather disappointed. “What?”

She blushed “Oh nothing I was thinking about how comfortable your bed was. No! I mean I was thinking about the party.” However her eyes seemed to tell a different story. She then looked to one of the far corners of my room, I was fading quickly now. She leaned over me saying something comforting though I wasn’t able to define it, it was her tone that made me feel calm. I fell asleep under her watching eyes.

I trotted inside my house, feeling good about myself. I saw a random chicken flying quickly through the air outside, wait was it a chicken I couldn’t really establish what it was, it seemed to have purple hair. I disregarded the thought as chickens can’t fly just like penguins.

“What the-” I started, when I noticed the form to be Scootaloo. Wait what? I stuck my head out of my window to get a better look. I could now see that she was being tugged by a rope connected to a yellow pegasus. a thought then suddenly burst into my head.

why was my door unlocked?

(Holy shit, somepony got into your house.)

<What?>

{Yes, it appears the lock was broken.}

(Bitch probably stole are stuff.)

Not everything seems to be here.

(Too bad so sad. Let’s go on a burglar hunt. First one we find, we kill.)

{Lets not jump to conclusion based on what little evidence we have. I think it would be beneficial if where to gain a better understanding of our predicament.}

“BOO!” a pony appeared  behind me and shouted that very loud startling me.

(HOLY DICK IN A BOX!)

I turned around to see Derpy smiling ear to ear.

Mine.

I grabbed her and pulled her into a tight embrace and kissed her.

I pulled myself away from her for a moment “I missed you so much.” I said after the kiss.

(NOMNOMNOM)

“I missed you too.” She replied.

(NOMNOMNOM)

“I missed you three” I said, nuzzling her softly.

{NOMNOMNOM}

(<[…]>)

{What?}

{So I can’t ever use my intelligence for comical purposes?}

(No.)

“D’AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW” I saw Oinkie (Pinkie’s cousin and not a typo) staring right at us.

“Umm, this is a little awkward.” In my distraction I lessened my grip on Derpy causing her to fall onto the floor.

(EMBARRASSMENT!)

“Anyways, there is going to be a super duper party for you and your super duper friends!” Oinkie snorted cheerfully” She smiled gleefully. “I feel a song coming on.”

(<{[OH FUCK]}>)

She jumped in front of us and out of nowhere music started playing, and then she opened her mouth.

“First you wiggle your tail! Oink oink oink!

Then you wiggle your snout! Oink oink oink!

Then you wiggle your rump! Oink oink oink!

Then shout it out! Oink oink oin-”

I covered her mouth at the last second, she strangely chewed gently on my hoof.

The fu-

(Because that wasn’t weird.)

{Actually, I found it most uncomfortable.}

“Oinkie, what does this have to do with anything in any way, shape, or form that doesn’t have to do with pigs?

“It was everything to do with pigs or does it”. A voice that sounded similar to Oinkie’s blurted out, I knew it was Oinkie because I had my hoof in her mouth which she was still chewing on.

“Well, anyways, I’m throwing a party just for you and your friends! Wanna come? Pinkie said.

“Yeah, sure. We’ll be there soon.” I replied.I blinked.

where did Pinkie come from?

(Haven’t a clue)

I looked at Derpy and then back to Pinkie. I then pulled my hoof out of Oinkie’s mouth.

“Great!” She then bounced so high she broke the ceiling. “Oh sorry about that”.

She rubbed the back of her head, I couldn’t whether it was from embrassment or if she had hurt herself.

“It’s okay I mess up all the time.” Derpy chirped.

We began walking, walking to the party, and we walked inside and we walked some more. We walked some more until we reached the edge of the universe themed dance floor because of the snack table.

“Okay Derpy, I’m going to talk to my friends, I’ll be back soon.” I said, and walked to the edge of the next universe over. Brinkie (Pinkie’s boot camp sergeant and not a typo) came up beside me looking enthusiastic. “I was joking”. He looked sad for a second then He skipped off to the dance floor.

I unwillingly woke up, I felt rested but my mind was just completely broken. I got out of  bed falling unto my face something which I do way to often. Looking at my clock I realised, fortunately I hadn't be a sleep for very long so I knew I could make the party not that I was that keen on going but I can see I shit storm coming if I didn’t go. After falling down my stairs and having lunch I set off for the party.

The walk to the party had left me with my currently naggy thoughts. “Why can’t get my mind off Ruby and Pinkie Pie?” I yelled loudly at nopony. The walk was dragging on longer than I would have liked and even a spontaneous idea popped into my head. Sing! But I couldn’t. What if somepony saw me singing? I then realized that singing is quite normal for ponies and is considered a good thing. “Might as well...” I cleared my throat:

This time, I wonder what it feels like

To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of,

But dreams just aren't enough.

So I'll be waiting for the real thing, I'll know it by the feeling

The moment when we're meeting, will play out like a scene

Straight off the silver screen.

So I'll be holding my breath, right up 'til the end

Until that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with...

Cause’ nopony wants to be the last one there

Cause’ everpony wants to feel like sompony cares

Somepony to love with my life in their hooves

There's gotta be somepony for me like that

Cause’ nopony wants to do it on their own

And everypony wants to know they're not alone

There's somepony else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somepony for me out there

Tonight, out on the street, out in the moonlight

And dammit this feels too right, it's just like déja vu

Me standing here with you

So I'll be holding my breath, could this be the end?

Is it that moment when, I find the one that I'll spend forever with

Cause’ nopony wants to be the last one there

Cause’ everypony wants to feel like somepony cares

Somepony to love with my life in their hoofs

There's gotta be somepony for me like that

Cause’ nopony wants to do it on their own

And everypony wants to know they're not alone

There's somepony else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somepony for me out there.

You can't give up, (when you're looking for) a diamond in the rough (cause you never know)

When it shows up, (make sure you're holding on)

Cause’ it could be the one, the one you're waiting on.

Cause’ nopony wants to be the last one there

And everypony wants to feel like somepony cares

Somepony to love with my life in their hands

There's gotta be somepony for me, oh

Nopony wants to go it on their own

And everypony wants to know they're not alone

There's somepony else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somepony for me out there

Nopony wants to be the last one there

Cause’ everyone wants to feel like somepony cares

There's somepony else that feels the same somewhere

There's gotta be somepony for me out there...

I breathed in deeply as the music slowly faded to nothing. I was now at the front door to Sugar Cube Conner. I readied myself for Pinkie’s over reaction to me actually coming to the party.

I entered the party. Earlier, Finkie (again not a typo) came by my house and invited me to the party, which I accepted what else could I do? I couldn’t stop wondering about  that ‘D’ pony that I had met. She seemed to have a bit of a thing for me, and not just the fact that she wants to tear my skin apart and devour it, but she does look tasty too. I would of started to drool if Ruby didn’t come up to me, there was something different about her though, but I couldn’t quite put my hoof on it.

“Hey, Lightning!” I heard Stargazer call me over. “Awesome party, right?” He asked, he looked a little drunk.

“Sure, why not?” I replied, shrugging. I looked over. “Have you been drinking cider?” I asked.

“Cider what cider...” He started to stumble around, his leg’s began to wobble uncontrollably and he lost his balance.

And...there he goes.

He tumbled away, and I sighed,then begun thinking about D again.

I went over to Derpy a bit drunk, but still conscious. I smiled at her, and she burped in my face.

(Whoa, what kind of drugs is she on?)

{What would lead you to believe that Derpy was been taking any kind of controlled substance that would harmful to her?}

<You smelt that right?>

I looked at Derpy trying not to retch from the awful smell, she giggled at me and then drunk some vodka..

“Derpy are you drunk?” I asked.

“If I said yes, would you get mad at me?” She asked inocently.

“No.” I responded, I wasn’t sure myself if was being honest.

“Than yes. Here, have some.” She grabbed an entire jug of cider and I started chugging it down. Everything became fuzzy but not fuzzy fluffy, it was fuzzy wierd, as in fluzzy duzzy muzzy.

I need a llama.

(Do you think will score Derpy tonight?)

<Fo’ sho’.>

[Aren’t I pretty?]

Fuck yeah you are...or...wait, I can’t even see you, that’s funny.

[Yeah but I can feel you]

(GAAY.)

Bitch, that means you’re gay too.

(Suck my dick then.)

<You got a one inch banana bone.>

{You mad?}

I was so busy arguing with myself that I didn’t notice Applejack walk up to me, and I accidentally headbutted her.

“Ow, what was that for?” She asked rubbing her head

“Wanna hook up?”

“If I were to buck you, you’d be dead.” She gave a playful smile.

“Is that so?”

“If you want I can buck you in the face right now.” I thought she was making and innuendo so I replied.

“Buck yes!” and she kicked me upside the head. I stumbled backwards and fell on the ground and Applejack then thought it would be fine to use me as a seat, so she did.

As expected as soon as I walked into the party Pinkie was very to greet me. She pounced on me knocking me on my back and she started shouting how happy she was right in my face. “OMC, YOU ACTUALLY CAME I’M SO HAPPY NOW THAT ONE MORE FRIEND TO HAVE FUN WITH BECAUSE I LIKE HAVE FUN WITH MY FRIENDS. I’M PINKIE THE PONY YOU’LL EVER MEET AND PROUD...OH MUFFIN WOULD YOU LIKE A SNACK FROM THE TABLE?!” I did even get chance to reply because she was already dragging me to the food table. When she had finished dragging me I got up onto my hoof’s and looked at what was available. I then I felt somepony bite into me hard, I expected it to be D but it was actually Derpy.

I stared at her for a second, she didn’t even realise. She was obviously hammered so I tried to remain calm. “Derpy may I ask why you are bitting me?” She removed me from her mouth.

“I wanted to *hic* she if you *hic* tasted *hic* of muff*hic*ins.” She perked up. “You do *hic*.”

I was almost speechless. “Umm...nice to know?”

she smiled at and attempted to walk off, it was a rather poor attempt. I looked at pint of cider in front of me, I knew there and then that something fucked up was going to happen if I drunk it. I downed the whole glass and whipped my mouth. I looked around for Bumble but I couldn’t see him anywhere or Rainbow Dash. It didn’t take long for me to connect the dots.

I looked around the room everypony was wasted apart from...Pinkie Pie not it made much difference see was socially inept anyway. I spotted Ruby by a table sitting in chair, I didn’t really want to talk to her however because of my morals I didn’t have a choice. She notice me walking towards her and she turned away from me. I sat down next to her, I opened my mouth to speak but no sound came out. She turned head to face me, I was expecting to see a cold stare but instead I was faced with lustful gaze. “I saw what you where going to do with Pinkie Pie, why her instead if me?”

“I didn’t do anything with Pinkie”.

She looked at me pouted. “You wanted to, she wanted to.”

“I didn’t and I still don’t want to do anything like that.”

“Do you know what I want Muffin?” She said leaning over the table.

“Um..” I wasn’t comfortable at all in this, she put her hoofs on my shoulders and she smiled deviously at me.

“I want you to to RAVISH ME!” She pulled me in and kissed throwing me off balance and I toppled backwards off my chair, her landing atop of me. I was pretty scared now, I looked at her. Her eyes where ablaze with passion. She licked my neck making my skin crawl. I tried to move but she smashed her hoof into the ground next whilst she let out a low growl. I made a quiet whimper. She brought her face close to mine her tongue hung lazily out.

“Hey guys random drink time!” A hoof place a bottle of wine in front of me whilst another opened my mouth. The bottle was then placed in my mouth and I was forced to drink it all. After I finished the drink I gasped for air, I had almost drowned in the liquor. I looked over to Ruby who was being force fed in the same manner as I was by Pinkie Pie, of course Pinkie Pie. She then pulled me off the ground and attempted to drag me however Ruby also grabbed me and pulled. It was not pleasant.

I twisted body round in an attempt to break free but to no avail. Ruby was tenaciously gripping whilst I think Pinkie Pie just thought it was a game. “Let go!” I  might as well of not talked because they didn’t listen. “Pinkie Pie let me go now.” And she did and I got launched always across the room right onto the stage. I regained my composure and stood up, all of the ponies where now staring at me intently.

From the back of the room Pinkie pie shouted “SING!” and everypony started chanting it in unison. Well I was bollocked. I walked over to the DJ’s station and quickly skimmed through the songs. Finally he recognised a song he knew. I walked back to center stage Alright everypony this song is called STAMP ON THE GROUND!

Stamp on the ground

Moving all around

Stamp on around

Jumping all around

Stamp on the ground

Jump, jump, jump, jump

Moving all around

Tep tep da dow

Stamp on the ground

Jump, jump, jump, jump

Moving all around

We're jumping all around

Düp düp düp düp düp...

Jumping all around

Drop the beat

        (WOOT!)

We're jumping all around

Düp düp düp düp düp...

We're sending out an invitation

                   (WOOT!)

To everyone in every nation.

But don't sleep get on the run

Stop thinkin' and have some fun!

Stamp on the ground

Jump, jump, jump, jump

Moving all around

Tep tep da dow

Stamp on the ground

Jump, jump, jump, jump

Moving all around

We're jumping all around

Stamp on the ground

Jump, jump, jump, jump

Moving all around

Tep tep da dow

Stamp on the ground

Jump, jump, jump, jump

Moving all around

We're jumping all around (WOOT!)

Düp düp düp düp düp...

Drop the beat

        (WOOT!)

So come and join our love foundation

Go feel the heat, the sweet vibration

'cause we are about to ignite

And we wanna go out tonight!

Stamp on the ground

Move it all around

Stamp on the ground

Move it all around

Stamp on the ground

Jump, jump, jump, jump

Move it all around

Tep tep da dow

Stamp on the ground

Jump, jump, jump, jump

move it all around

Jumping all around

Düp düp düp...

Jumping all around

Drop the beat

          (WOOT!)

Düp düp düp düp düp...

Jumping all around.    

The crowd cheered, I bowed and hastily made my exit from the stage. “Well looks like I was wrong, tonight wasn’t so bad.” I mumbled to myself.

I woke up on the floor of my house, and looked around.

“The fuck happened last night?” I asked myself. I looked on the bed and noticed Derpy was in a sex position.

(Score!)

I gently shook her awake, and she looked around.

“What happened?” She asked.

“I believe we got drunk and had sex.” I said plainly. She blushed and got up from the bed.

“Well, wanna tell me about your adventure?” She asked.

“I’m a bit tired, and it sucks that we got drunk at the very beginning of the freaking party.” I said, rubbing my eyes.

“I’m gonna visit Bumble, see you in a bit.” I said.

I walked into my house, and Rainbow Dash was there. She pulled me into a kiss.

NOMNOMNOM

I pulled back. “I missed you.” She said combing my hair with her hoof.

NOMNOMNOM

“I missed you too.” I responded.

NOMNOMNOM

She smirked. “Since you just got home, and we haven’t in a while, wanna have some fun?” She asked. Her wings were fully erect. Bumble’s dick felt the same. So does yours.

NOM.

I laughed. “Definitely.” We walked up to our bedroom, eager to get started. We walked inside, and she lied down on the bed with her arms and legs split apart.

“Ready?” She asked.

“Ready.” I said, and kissed her, everywhere...

I knocked on the cloud house door, but there was no answer. I opened it, and it was unlocked. I walked inside.

“Bumble?” I called. I heard voices coming from the bedroom, and I walked up the stairs. I opened the door and smiled, seeing the entire scene in front of me.

“Bumble! I finally found you! What happened last night?” I asked. He looked to Rainbow Dash, and back to me.

“This is a little private, would you mind if you left?” He asked.

“Not at all. I can wait.” I replied, and leaned against a wall.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

I was in the corner, counting how many guards I killed in the mission so I could put nothces in the handle of my knives. I looked up and they were still at it.

“Are you almost done? I wanna ask some questions.” I said. Groans filled the room as the two lovebirds kept at it.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

I looked up again, for I had taken a nap. They were still at it. I continued with my nap.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

I looked up, and finally, they were done.

“Alright, so what happened last night?” I asked.

“We had a  hangover.” Bumble said.

“What kind?” I asked.

“The one where you don’t remember a thing.” He responded.

“Thanks for the info. See ya.” I was about to leave, when,

“Wait! You sat through all of that just to ask two questions with the most obvious answers?!” He yelled.

“Hey, it wasn’t easy. You wait for hours at a time for your friend to stop raping the girl he is madly in love with.” I left the room, and then the house. I was heading to Lightning’s place next.

Muffin’s point of view

I woke up slowly, my head felt as is if it was made out of concrete. I finally noticed a pink blob in front of me then it dawned on me that wasn’t a pink blob it was Pinkie Pie and that was bad, so very very bad. I tried to move my fore hoof but they where bound together , the same was the story of my rear hoof’s in tried to wiggle around but to avail, in fact all it did was cause to snuggle up closer to me. I then noticed that they was to white arms wrapped around my chest, but they weren't mine. I turned my head to see who they belonged to. It was Ruby? Oh no...I then noticed another mare behind Pinkie Pie she had purple hair, Rarity? Well if things weren’t bad enough already. “Oh bollocks.”

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Author's notes:This chapter was pretty random due to the fact that this is our first time writing together. Me and ultrasponge, I mean. We will do this more often, and with practice, the chapters won’t be as random as this one. They will also be a shitload longer than my first chapters I ever wrote. As you can see, this one was about 1,000 words longer than my special, which I only did by myself.

Co-writer’s notes: I haven’t any sort of collaboration with any writer so this was a lot of fun plus we smashed most of the errors. I think this was one of the most random thing I've written. Period. I look forward to doing this with Burritoburger in the future. Hope you enjoyed. More to the point of the story expect everything to get shipped with anything even robot unicorns.

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RPT!