• Member Since 28th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 11th, 2020

Zocarik


Proficient writer at a technical level. Lover of world-building. Always striving to improve.

Sequels1

T

Ever since she first saw the mare, Trixie has felt a connection to Twilight. Now she wants to discover the nature of this connection, because it is clearly of magical origin. But knowledge comes with a price, and neither magically talented mare is expecting this price.

First in the Magic Talents Trilogy. AU because Twilight will never become an alicorn. Not a Twixie ship.
Updates will be on Thursdays.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 20 )

Interesting premise, if a bit bland.

Still, aside from minor errors (a missing word here and there), your writing is well-crafted.
I especially appreciated your skill with constructing good dialogue.

Not sure why it has a Dislike, though. Nevermind. Thanks, 2333773.

2333756 It doesn't. When there are no votes, it auto-defaults to a dislike. And :trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft: no Twixie?

2333773

Ah, didn't notice that.

And maybe they're hitherto unknown family members...
Imagine Twixie then. :rainbowderp:

2333784
:rainbowdetermined2:: "You love her... I understand. When she comes back, I won't get in the way."

:twilightsheepish:: "It's not like that at all. She's my sister."

:rainbowhuh:

:twilightsmile::rainbowkiss:

Well done chapter. Looking forward to updates. :yay:

2333756 Tell me where I messed up so I can correct it.

2333773>>2333778>>2333809 Nothing so unoriginal. I have bigger plans for their connection. It is not romantic, and it is stronger than family bonds. Though I might have some other shipping pair later... :trixieshiftright: If that happens, I will add the romance tag.

The first couple chapters are just setup. Third chapter is guaranteed some action.

Next chapter is halfway done, but even if I finish it today, I will wait for Thursday. That way I can have the third chapter started.

2335290

Twilight stopped suddenly as she opened the door. “Hiya Trixie. I didn’t expect to see you for a month. Weren’t you going to Staliongaurd on an invitation from the mayor there?”

"Stalliongrad", I think.

“I only speak in third person to keep up my stage performance in public.” She gave a relieved grin. “It grows tiresome to perpetually in third person..."

"...to perpetually speak in third person..."

Things like that. Those are the only two that I noticed just reading.
If you wish to find them all, you'd do well to carefully scan through it or arrange for somepony else to do it.

Exploring a "magical connection" with no romance whatsoever? Color me drawn in!

Funny thing happened while I wrote this chapter. I developed an urge to eat the hash browns I mentioned Trixie making. Is that normal?

It woulda been weird if you'd had Pinkie making baked bads and wanting to eat those lol :derpytongue2:
Ahhh random pinkie...how we are confused by the. :pinkiecrazy:

2375089 Now I have a strange urge to eat hash browns as well :twilightoops: Is it contagious?

Edit: Now that I actually read the story, I got to tell you, it is pretty good, and you should definitely keep writing.

2375201 Even my own writing would not get me to eat baked bads. Though if they were just regular cupcakes with gummy worms in them...:pinkiehappy:

2375219 Well, when I read this chapter to another person, she started craving chocolate chip pancakes. So, yes. I think that this story is the spreader of a pathogen that causes cravings for pancakes or hash browns. Even the author is not immune. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE BEFORE... before... I want waffles.

Good chapter, and good story. I'm amazed you haven't gotten more views. :moustache:

2417069 I may not have gotten as many views as I desire, but there is a trend that brings a smile to my face. The view count, Favorites count, and Thumbs up have all been increasing. In time, this story will be made ever more popular. I have patience. I will lure in more readers over successive chapters.

Thanks for the support.

A bit disappointed that this isn't a ship fic (:twilightangry2::trixieshiftright:) but to be honest this is still really good and extremely well written. Consider it approved for Twilight's Library :raritywink:

2772437 This is not a ship fic. And even if I do add shipping later, it will not be Twixie. Like I said both in the story and in the comments, the bond between Twilight and Trixie is stronger than romance or sibling affection. It is Something Mysterious.

Long lost siblings? Star Wars did that and so did a large number of FimFic writers. Romance, if it develops, will not have Twilight be the one in love.

Very nice. Well done. One possible typo, in Chapter 1 The Great and Powerful Trixie says,
“Do be gentile with that. I don’t want my horn damaged than necessary.”

Shouldn't there be a more, or some equivalent word somewhere in that sentence? ie
“Do be gentile with that. I don’t want my horn damaged more than necessary.”
or
“Do be gentile with that. I don’t want my horn more damaged than necessary.”
Or was the that a style choice made on purpose?

This is a very interesting story and I like it. Trixie and Twilight working together on something is always entertaining, as is seeing Trixie be actually good at magic for once. It avoids the cliche pitfalls of having her be inept at magic, as well as the idea of the whole town unanimously hating her outright (you'd expect at least a few to be willing to forgive, especially seeing how the protagonists cause a lot of trouble on their own).

I'm looking forward to seeing more of their unique bond and how this develops, so please write more.

Login or register to comment