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Quick note, there is also a Mature rated version of this story here on FimFic. People who want to read the Mature version (which has more colorful language, nudity, and occasional light clop) may do so by clicking my profile here and then clicking the story link on the top of my profile. [Picture explanation] Oh, and make sure you have 'view mature content' on in your profile settings.

Both versions have the same story and are 95% identical, but people that are okay with reading graphic content will probably enjoy the mature version more.


Chapter 1: That wasn’t there before.

I click through links furiously. “Come on, there’s gotta be some new Dash pics in here somewhere. It’s been at least three days since I’ve seen a new one.” It's late at night, and I'm browsing DeviantArt looking for some new pony images. MLP:FiM ended a few years ago, after its fifth season, but I'm still a huge fan. I love fanart of any of the the characters, but Rainbow Dash is by far my favorite pony of the bunch. She always has been, and she always will be. I don't even know why, really. There has always just been something about her.

Unfortunately, a lot of the fandom has died down over the years. Sure, new fan content still surfaces here and there, but not nearly as often as it used to. The worst part is less overall content, means less content of specific ponies. Days can go by without any new Dash pics, and I'm lucky if in a month I can get a single new Dash wallpaper. I don't even want to think about how things are just going to get worse in the future. It's the year 2020, and fanart is already this scarce, what is it going to be like in another ten years? Man, maybe I should learn to draw my own art? Or maybe I can just commission something? I sigh as I realize DeviantArt has no new uploads of the blue pony today. “I guess I'll just go through the archives and look for pics I skipped over before.”  Urgh, this is getting depressing.

~~~~~~

I wake up early the next day, and shake the last vestiges of sleep from my head. The nightmare I was having, something about the MLP finale, fades from my mind. It’s hard to believe it’s been five years since the show ended, and I’m still getting bad dreams about that episode. In all honesty, it’s a terrible episode. I mean, pretty much everyone in the fandom agrees it was a stupid way to end the show. But regardless of the reviews, all I know is that episode still gives me honest to goodness nightmares. I still don’t know how they managed to air an episode like that on a children’s network and not get sued by the FCC.

At least today should be a good day. See, today is May 1st, and it’s my 25th birthday! It occurs to me that I really should clean this place up a bit, as I have friends coming over soon. The party should be fun, my best friend Jack shares a birthday with me, so every year we host a joint birthday party. I've known Jack for a really long time. Well, I guess it hasn't been that long, but it sure feels like it.

We met in high school during a track competition some eleven years ago. Back then he was from our school’s rival team, and we were competing in the 400m dash. I met him on the starting line before the race, and we just hit it off immediately. We only had about a minute to talk while we stretched waiting for the race to begin, but by the end of it I felt like we were already best friends. The race then followed thereafter, it was a hell of a race too. The 400m was always my best race, and I was shocked to see Jack stay neck and neck with me until the very end. I ended up winning by a nose and I still give him crap over his loss, though he always just rolls his eyes and claims I tripped him in the last 50 yards.

In any case, Jack is a great guy, so is his brother Evan. Though Evan is about the same age as Jack and I, he is mature beyond his years. His maturity probably has something to do with the fact that he runs the family farm. Evan and Jack live on this small ranch just outside of town. As I recall, their parents died when they were fairly young; Evan had to grow up pretty quick to take care of both the farm and his younger brother.

Anyways, as much as I respect Evan, I sort of wish he wasn’t planning on coming to the party today. You see, while Jack and I like silly things, such are cartoons about ponies, Evan is the complete opposite. I don’t really blame him for being so stoic and mature, but it’s still a pity. Usually at parties like this, Jack and I love to watch old episodes, but if Evan is around we keep the pony on the down low due to mutual respect.

The sound of a doorbell brings me out of my thoughts; looks like the guests have arrived.

“Happy Birthday! Hope you got room for all the strippers I brought!” Jack jokes as he barges into my apartment, both arms carrying a large load of beer and chips.

“Oh crap, you’re bringing some strippers too? Dammit, I had already ordered a dozen for the apartment already!” I joke as Jack drops the bags and gives me a hug that only best friends could share. “It's good to see you Jack, and a Happy Birthday right back at ya! The big Two-Five!”

“You knuckle-heads have been around for a quarter century already, isn't that something?” I look up to see Evan standing in the doorway with a comforting smile on his face. “Happy Birthday, I got you something for the occasion”. He hands over a heavy box.

I open it up on the spot; it’s a bottle of Scotch. I read the label “Langavulin Reserve, 25 year aged! Jesus, Evan, how much did you pay for this?”

“Ah, it's nothing. It cost a bit, but I figure it’s cheaper in the long run because it’s a present to both of you. Saved me the trouble of buying two presents. 25 year aged Scotch for your 25th birthdays.”

Jack strode over and is in awe at the bottle. “Holy crap, thanks bro! You know I love the whisky. Let’s get some glasses out and pop this bad boy open!”

 I'm in the middle of opening the cabinet when I hear a fourth voice speak out from the doorframe. “You know, you should wait until the perfect time before you drink something that special.” I turn around and see Fiona standing just outside the apartment and looking in through the doorframe.

“Fiona, get in here, how long have you been standing there?” In all the commotion of Evan and Jack arriving, I forgot I also invited Fiona. She’s a quiet girl I met her in college a few years back, and she doesn’t get out much. She's really sweet though, the type of girl you just like to be in the company of, in a non sexual way. Things are just more calm with her around. Jack and Evan have taken a liking to her as well. Though, even with all three of us being close with her, no one makes any advances on Fiona. I’m not sure if it’s because she is just too sweet to think of in that way, or if it’s just because us guys didn’t wanna make a move on her which would make the other guys jealous.

A noise behind me brings me out of my musings. “What were you saying about ‘waiting for the perfect time’ to drink this?” Jack asks while waggling the bottle of Scotch in his hand.

“Oh, well, you know, I heard in some communities it’s tradition to take a shot of alcohol on the exact anniversary of your birth,” Fiona says as she calmly strides in and hands Jack a large gift bag before turning to hand me one as well. “Oh and Happy Birthday, by the way. Hope you like what I made!”

Jack takes the gift bag from her hand but didn’t look inside, he is still confused about the drink. “Hold on, Fiona, this is the exact anniversary of our birth. You know, a birthday.”

Evan cuts him off, “I think she means the exact time. You know, Jack, like you were born at what, 5:37pm I think? It lists it on your birth certificate, you know. So I guess you’re supposed to take a shot at that exact time? Though, I can’t say I approve using top shelf Scotch for shots...”

Jack pops the cork off the bottle “Oh be quiet. It’s already paid for, I say we use the Scotch. And actually, that's convenient, it’s 5:30 right now. We should get ready for this.”

I sit for a second, trying to remember my own birthday time. I remember I actually looked it up awhile ago and used to have it memorized... “Oh yeah, I remember my time! Wait, damn, that’s lame, my birth-time was something like 11:30pm. Urgh, you guys are going to be back home by then. Oh well, let’s all just have a drink to celebrate Jack’s time.”

Jack starts to pick stuff off the table to make room, only to realize he is already holding something in his hand: the gift bag Fiona handed to him when she arrived. Jack starts to open it as he talks more about the Scotch, “Yeah, that sounds good guys. Any excuse to drink more is a good rule in my book. Let’s just get some glasses, and then we cAN OH MY GOD IT’S ADORABLE!”

I spin around to see Jack holding a handmade plushie of Vinyl Scratch, his long time favorite pony. Fiona stands off to the side, beaming at what is obviously something she hand stitched. I have to hand it to her, that plushie is pretty damn adorable. I'm actually kind of jealous. Wait. Wait a second, she gave me a present bag too, didn’t she? Does that mean what I think it means? I leap over a chair and sprint back into the living room, quickly finding the gift bag I had previously set down. I immediately grab it and tear the cover off. My eyes barely have time to register the color of the plushie’s hair before I gave out a yell of jubilation “Aawww yeah!” I am holding a Rainbow Dash plushie in my hand, and it’s pretty much the best thing I have ever seen.

Jack laughs as he looks at my present. “Urgh, you just had to get him more Dash merch, didn’t you, Fiona? Don’t encourage him!”

Fiona blushes and shrugs her shoulders, but before she could reply she is glomped by both Jack and I as we fight over space to hug and thank Fiona for the presents. It's a pretty touching moment, but it's cut short by Evan poking his head back into the living room. “Hey guys the shots are poured and—Oh great, more ponies, sheesh.” Silly Evan, he was outnumbered. With Fiona here the ratio of pony fans to plebs is 3:1.

“Don’t be jealous, I can make you one for your birthday if you want, Evan! Just tell me your favorite pony,” Fiona smiles as we make our way to the dining table to do our ceremonial drinks of Jack’s 25th birthday.

“You should make him Applejack, being a farmhand and all.” I smirk as I put Dashie down on the table. God damn, that is one cute plushie.

Jack rolls his eyes. “Oh god, not Applejack, don’t waste your time making a plushie of Ms. Utterly Useless Pony”. He hugs Vinyl so hard I start to worry the seams will burst.

Evan remains deadpan through this entire ordeal. “Fiona, you’re asking me for my favorite pony? Is there a pony that just goes around and kills all the other ponies?”

        Fiona’s smile vanishes instantly, but, surprisingly enough, she keeps the conversation going. “Well, that would be Season 5 Discord, but I’m not making you one of him”.

I feel myself wince at the mention of Discord, and in my periphery I see that Jack do the same. I always wince when someone mentions Discord. I suppose it’s because I feel he ruined the show. However unsettled I might be by the mention of him, I do have to correct an error here. “Well, come on now. Discord didn’t kill the main ponies, he just... ah, forget it. Evan doesn’t care, let’s just end this pony talk for now”

“Yes, please do,” Evan says, still deadpan. He checks his watch. “Alright guys, let’s get ready, it’s 5:36”

“Quarter of a century here I come!” Jack proudly exclaims as he puts Vinyl down and stands up, shot glass in hand. The rest of us follow his lead and join him in standing and holding our glasses in the air. Even Fiona joins in on this, which surprises me; I usually don't see her drinking hard liquor.

                

Evan starts a countdown, “Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!” I look around and take in the scene, these co-birthday parties always give the best memories. “...Four! Three! Two! One! Drink!” Evan yells and I tip my shot glass back.

The smoky amber fluid burns as I knock it back. “Oh wow, strong stuff!” I exclaim as I slam the empty glass down where it was soon met by the glasses of Fiona and Evan. “That was... mmm... peaty”

Evan agrees, “Takes out the fire, but leaves in the warmth.”

“What did you think of that, Jack?” I ask. After no reply, I look up at him and immediately become confused. Jack is just standing there, a full shot glass of Scotch still in his hand.

“Uh, Jack?” Fiona says quietly as she joins Evan and I in staring at Jack. He is just standing stock-still, oblivious to everything around him. His eyes are unfocused, and are just staring past everyone at something beyond the horizon.

Evan reaches out and pokes him on the shoulder. Hard. Jack twitches and snaps back to attention. He blinks twice and looks around as if he is unsure of what we are doing in the kitchen. His eyes land on me and then he just stops and stares at me for a bit. I want to ask if he feels okay, but then he tilts his head and stares into my eyes.  After a few seconds of looking at me, he opens his mouth. “...Rainbow Dash?”

I feel a slight chill go down my spine. “What? ...What about her?” I ask, confused, “Are you talking about the plushie?” I look around for my birthday present to make sure it is okay. I spot the plushie on the far side of the room, and it seems fine so I turn back to face Jack. He is still just staring at me with a distant, confused look in his eyes. I am about to ask what he is talking about, but the moment is ruined by Evan laughing.

“You forgot to drink, you big dope!” Evan laughs as he slaps Jack on the back, immediately breaking the confused look on his face.

“Haha, dang it, Jack, you had one job!’” Fiona giggles to herself as she pats Jack on the shoulder.

Jack looks around in an addled state, and reaches down to rub his thigh. “I, um, yeah.”

“You okay there, buddy? Never seen you zone out like that, and in the middle of a party no less,” I say as I look at him closely. He looks fine now, but I am wondering what the heck he was referring to when he looked at me and called me Dash. That doesn’t make any sense, we aren’t the role playing type. Despite my well known obsession with a certain rainbow-maned best pony, in all my years I have never heard Jack never call me her name before. I want to brush it off as nothing, but something feels off.

Jack brings me back to reality by speaking up. “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m fine. I was just lost in thought or something that’s all. How long until we can drink these shots?” The three of us raise our eyebrows at Jack. “Wait... did you guys drink already? What the crap? When did that happen?” We all continue to stare at Jack. None of us quite sure how to respond to his rhetorical questions. Thankfully, the awkward silence is broken by Jack shrugging his shoulders and saying, “Whatever, bottoms up!” He downs his drink in one gulp and drops the glass where the others went.

~~~~~~

It’s getting late and I stuck cleaning the dishes from the party. I yawn and check the clock, noting that Fiona left about two hours ago.

“Alright, I’m headed out, you kids have fun,” Evan says as he heads out the door.

Jack waves back and yells over his shoulder at Evan “See you tomorrow, bro. Don’t forget to check on Sara when you get home. I think her hoof might still be infected, she's been acting really antsy around me these past few days.” Jack decided to crash at my place tonight, but Evan couldn’t stay. It’s a pity, but the fact is they live on a working farm, and work there starts at 6am. Thankfully it's a small farm, just a few acres of organic corn that they sell locally. Their real pride is their horse stock. They have a dozen purebred Spanish Andalusians that they bred every season. A healthy purebred colt can sell for upwards of ten thousand dollars; it’s pretty much how they pay their bills. In any case, Evan has to leave to go feed them for the night.

After a few hours of card games and beer, Jack and I decide to call it for the night. My friend collapses on my sofa, not even bothering to change clothes first. Well, whatever, not my problem. I don’t do his laundry.

I yawn and check the clock, it's only 11pm. I figure I have at least an hour before I'll be going to bed myself, so I might as well browse the internet until then. I make my way to my room and boot up my desktop. I start skimming some pony sites and forums to try and find new pony content, and eventually I stumble across a random 'rule 34' thread. I pause for a moment, debating if I should open it. I'm not really a clopper, but I do sometimes look through these threads. If nothing else, it's a way to find new content of Rainbow Dash...

I turn around and made sure my door is locked shut, then proceed to open the thread and scroll through to see what they have. The thread is filled with a bunch of posts from people raving about this new video, and I see them link to an animated flash titled “Shining Armor X Rainbow Dash. Duration: 2:30”. I stop and grimace. That sounds like hardcore clop, Not my cup of tea, I should pass it up and get out of this thread. But, on the other hand, I'm crazy desperate for new content. A new animated video featuring Dash? Gah, maybe I'll just take a peak to see if the animation is any good. My digital watch beeps once to signify it's 11:30, and I press play on the video.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> the sound of thunder at nighttime <

“...what did you do....”

> the feeling of wind <

if you’re not here to use them...”

> moving at unbelievable speed <

For five score, divided by four...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blink. Blink... blink. What am I doing again? I reach down and scratch my thigh. Oh, right, that video, I just started it! I look up at the screen, only to see that the video is over. “Uh, that’s odd, video must have bugged out on me.” Out of the corner of my eye I see my watch. It’s 11:34pm.

Wait, what? My watch just beeped on the bottom of the hour, how is it 11:34? I must have dozed off for a few minutes there. I try to think, did my mind wander, or something? What was I thinking about? Something about.... pfft, hell if I know. Whatever, it’s getting late. I’ll just watch this video and then get to bed.

I restart the video, and wow, it is actually really well animated. I mean, this is practically show quality! Though, as I watch, I notice something odd. Normally when I watch pony vids, my eyes are locked on Dash. But right now I'm really distracted by how good Shining Armor looks. I mean, the video just shows them standing there and talking to each other right now, but still, I can't help but notice how Shining looks, what's the word, attractive? That gorgeous mane, his chiseled muzzle, those muscles... I'm so jealous of Dash, I wish I was the one standing there talking to a stallion as handsome as Shining...

Suddenly I freeze as realize what I was thinking. I shake my head to clear the thoughts. “Gah! Brain, what the hell?!” I close the video, that rule 34 thread, and my entire internet browser. Then I shut off my computer and back away from my desk. “Urgh, I feel like I need a shower.” I have nothing against people who are into stallions, I just know that I'm not one of them.

I go into to the shower, undress, and turn on the water while staring off into space. What a weird fantasy to have while watching that video. I never think about stallions like that, it’s just not my thing. I reach down and scratch my leg again “Maybe that alcohol is still in my system or something.” My hand starts rubbing my thigh as I close my eyes under the shower and let the water flow over my back. “Oh well, it’s not like anyone is going to know I was thinking about a stallion like that, no harm no foul I suppose”. I realize I am still absentmindedly rubbing my leg, so I look down to see what my hand is up to. Huh? That color wasn’t there before. I lift up my hand and blink to clear the water from my eyes, only to feel my blood turn cold at what I see.

Rainbow Dash’s Cutie Mark is emblazoned across my thigh.



Author's Note:

Special thanks to ~ShurikART for the fan art!  

http://shurikart.deviantart.com/

#1 · 81w, 13h ago · 24 · 4 ·

Hey, alot can happen in an hour when your drunk.

Having the show end on a terrible point is a nice sight for setting up a after-brony apocalypse story, so that's good, and I'm mildly curious enough so to actually get me to stop skimming and begin reading.

Fine, let's see where this goes, not declaring horribad quite yet.

#2 · 81w, 9h ago · 7 · 4 ·

congrats on the Feature.

#3 · 81w, 9h ago · 3 · 3 ·

Interesting... lest see where this goes.

#4 · 81w, 6h ago · 4 · 1 ·

did you have to make a clop video about shining :ajbemused:

#5 · 81w, 4h ago · 12 · ·

For all of you who don't know Five Score, Divided by Four means 5*20/4=25

#6 · 81w, 1h ago · 3 · 5 ·

HOLY SHIT WHAT'S WITH SPACING!

I see wall of text after every five paragraphs D:

Please space out the dialog from the descriptive paragraphs.  Then maybe I'll enjoy reading.  But I haven't gotten a good fic for a while now so...I'm going to see if this is at least decent enough to favorite.

But don't let my comment discourage you!  Your idea is pretty cool so I clicked on first chapter to read. :D

Oh and I personally think this isn't a good representation of how the bronies will die.  I'm sure we'd go out like trekkies.  (Never dying) and always creating new content for the fanbase until each of us are dead, or not enough of us are around to 'like' the next amazing fan story.  (Then again I'm sure we'd leave our mark after we're all gone.  Internet is everlasting, unlike us)

#7 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·

you DARE claim that the great lord Discord could ruin the show!?:twilightangry2:

Prepare For Trouble....

nice start all the same

(DISCORD IS BEST PONY, YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID!!!:derpytongue2::rainbowwild::pinkiehappy::raritywink::moustache:)

#8 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·

Okay, not bad. Really like it so far.

#9 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·

Awkward...

He watched a clop video with Shining and Rainbow Dash in it?

You bastard! It should have been Sombra!

:raritydespair::twilightangry2::ajsleepy::fluttercry::pinkiesad2::trollestia:

#10 · 80w, 6d ago · · ·

>>2369440

You piece of crap I said that 2 hours before you!

/)

#11 · 80w, 6d ago · 1 · 1 ·

after revisiting...and continuing on...

fav

No like yet because I don't want to give you a like for the spacing in the beginning.  If it's fixed later then totally liking for good.

#12 · 80w, 5d ago · · ·

Not really a fan of R34 or clop stories so I will pass on this one.:ajsleepy:

#13 · 80w, 5d ago · 2 · ·

>>2372876 Shining and Sombra? Hmmm...

#14 · 80w, 4d ago · · ·

"I spin around to see Jack holding a handmade plushie of Vinyl Scratch, his long time favorite pony."

I need that fucking plushie. I will pay money- Or llamas, if that's what you're into.

"I am holding a Rainbow Dash plushie in my hand, and it is pretty much the best thing I have ever seen."

That one, too.

Oh, yeah, the review… Great story do far, can't wait to keep reading!

#15 · 80w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Sheeeeeiiittt...... :rainbowhuh:

I would give anything, though, for a Twilight plushie! :twilightsmile:

Gonnapost a new comment once I hit chapter eight!

Oh, and, I have a damn bad feeling when they become ponies, good 'ol Discord is gonna come and friggin screw 'em!!! :pinkiecrazy:

#16 · 80w, 3d ago · · ·

Decline in bronies?! :raritydespair: Oh well, we will make a new show to enjoy once this one is over. Still, this fandom is like have my cherry popped, so to speak. Any new obsessions after this will be relatively stale. Why did you have to tell me?!! :flutterrage: Hehehe, lmfao. Btw, if Discord killing ponies was the season finale, I'd still be a brony in fifty years. XD And I'm surprised that someone named Jack chose scotch over whisky.

#17 · 80w, 3d ago · · ·

Okay, I finally got to reading it and it is awesome! :rainbowkiss:

And I only saw one of what I think is a mistake: Evan couldn’t stay, but they do live on a farm and work their starts at 6am.

Shouldn't it be either 'their work' our 'there'? Anyways, awesome story and I shall read on!

#18 · 80w, 1d ago · · ·

Hey, I'm just wondering what day this was placed on for my upcoming side fic. I assume some time in 2020? because it takes about a year per season, and when season five is over it would probably be 2015. Did I get it right? :derpytongue2:

#19 · 78w, 3d ago · 2 · 1 ·

Jack rolles his eyes “Oh god, not Applejack, don’t waste your time making a plushie of Ms. Utterly Useless Pony”. He was hugging Vinyl so hard I start to worry the seems will burst.

Me: Seriously Jack, I'm going to kill you for saying that. :twilightangry2:

#20 · 78w, 2d ago · · ·

Luna plushie please!

:pinkiehappy:

#21 · 77w, 6d ago · · ·

so much hate on the fandom from evan. :ajsleepy: he still has to admire the awesomeness of that handmade stitching.:twilightblush: twilight plushie for sure.

JZ1
#22 · 75w, 6d ago · · ·

Wait, how did Discord kill off the Main six?

I can understand that this was pre season 3, but it's still a kids show.

#23 · 74w, 3d ago · 1 · ·

Give me pony plushies!:twilightsmile:

#24 · 73w, 4h ago · · ·

He's named Anon?! GOT DANGIT!!

MOAR RAINBOW DASH MERCHANDISE?! FUAAAARRRRK!

I want Rainbow Dash's cutie mark tattoo'd on me!

#25 · 72w, 6d ago · · ·

THERE ARE SO MANY AWESOME REFERENCES I WILL JUST SAY LUNA APPROVES AND BE DONE.

:yay:

but dat. Ending.

#26 · 71w, 6d ago · · ·

I’ll never know how they managed to air an episode like that on a children’s network and not get sued by the FCC.

Well, come on now Fiona, technically Discord didn’t KILL all the main ponies, he just, ah forget it, Evan doesn’t care, let’s just end this pony talk for now

Hah! Yeah right, my guess is that it ends in the opposite way with being being overly trite (you know like season 3). I think the only way that they could even get that close to that ending is if Faust was still on and even then it wouldn't go that far. Still interesting scenario.

#27 · 70w, 4d ago · · ·

dun dun duhhhhhhn :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

#28 · 70w, 2h ago · · ·

>>2683658 It's a kids' show first... they wouldn't dare go that graphic in the USA.  (Yet, at least.)  

#29 · 69w, 2d ago · 5 · ·

After reading the unedited version then going back to make this comment I started thinking, which is dangerous, I know, but I thought about the title of the story:trixieshiftleft: 5 Score (20) is 100, 1 century, divided by 4= 25, He turned 25 today, HOLY FUCKING SHIT MIND BLOWN!:pinkiegasp:

#30 · 65w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

Oh. My. God.

MLP:FiM ended BADLY?!

That will be, without doubt, the hardest hitting, biggest shock of this entire story.

#31 · 65w, 5d ago · · ·

>>2900346 Season 3.:ajbemused:

#32 · 64w, 4d ago · · ·

Well, at first I was only reading this to get a general idea of what goes on in this little 'verse ya made here. But now I'm legitimately curious about what happens next.

Bravo, sir. Bravo. *polite clap*

#33 · 62w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Okay! I've read through all of the...ahem...mature chapters already, but I think I'll give the censored version a go just to compare. And to leave my thoughts. :twilightsmile:

First thought: holy SHIT those first two paragraphs are SHALLOW. Haha! Compared to the original that's just LAME. You people be missing out if you haven't read the other version...wow that's just too funny. Same with the Shining x RD video...hehehe everything is so...TAME here. I find it amusing. Good job switching between the two, though, not sure you could've done it better.

Now for some minor corrections:

In all honestly

Should be 'honesty.'

What were saying about

Probably should be 'what were you saying.'

with Fiona here it the ratio of pony fans to plebs is 3:1.

Drop the 'it.' Also, this line is fantastic. Bonus points for using 'plebs.' You should totally add 'filthy' to that. :rainbowlaugh:

Also, you're missing a LOT of punctuation, too much for me to leave in a single comment! :rainbowlaugh:

But just in case I haven't already made this clear: this story is AWESOME and you should feel AWESOME.

#34 · 61w, 4d ago · · ·

Well just started, and you have my interest :twilightsmile: altough i peeked at the mature version i really dont see a point to redo it, its fine as it was really, i mean.. if you compare it to some fics :twilightoops: unless you where originally aiming to get teen , in that case i apologise :ajsleepy:

#35 · 59w, 2d ago · 4 · ·

REFERENCE TO THE SHOW

I ended up winning by a nose, and I still give him crap over his loss, though he just rolls his eyes and claims I tripped him in the last 50 yards.

#36 · 57w, 3d ago · · ·

Ah, so this is the (in)famous fic I heard about the other day.

#37 · 56w, 2h ago · 1 · ·

Verb tenses .. flipping around .. ach.

#38 · 52w, 30m ago · · ·

The last line of this chapter was well chosen.

TwistedSpectrum is best spectrum.

Once I'm on a PC-formatted version of fimfiction.net, I'll give Twisted a follow.

In the meantime, have a like and favorite.

retro edit: read the whole thing, coming around for another run through. I'll make a new comment that lists the corrections I noted. Stay tuned!

#39 · 47w, 3d ago · · ·

I always find more fun if the human changed is from an universe where the show doesn't exist, but the story looks good so far.

#40 · 44w, 5d ago · · ·

I just realized the HUman Form of Dash looks like me :rainbowderp: only I'm kinda Short

#41 · 41w, 5d ago · · ·

Hmm, the lack of proper punctuation, but this has issued a laugh from me. The only problem is that you didn't really make the whole conflict interesting. It was just too sudden and predictable. I think that the only thing interesting was that stupidly cryptic message thing with the story title in it. I give you props for that. But anyway, I'll keep on reading because this story got ridiculously popular.  

#42 · 37w, 4d ago · · ·

>>3619856

Well, there are many people I know, including me, who look like that. Don't get your hopes up ;D

#43 · 35w, 5d ago · · ·

amazing just simply amazing i love this all the fantasy I've had in a nutshell:pinkiegasp:

#44 · 34w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

The person in the person really, really needs an eye lid

#45 · 30w, 1d ago · · ·

I couldn't stop shuddering at the terrible treatment of that poor, defenseless bottle of scotch.  A tiny sip on the tongue, inhale gently through the nose and mouth, letting the vapors fill your nasal cavity.  You experience the flavor to the fullest (and absorbing the alcohol through your mucus membranes gets the alcohol in your system faster, if that matters to you.)  Shots are for the cheap stuff you don't want to taste.

This Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by the Committee for the Protection of Delicious Liquors.

#46 · 25w, 2d ago · · ·

Goin in top faves!

#47 · 24w, 3d ago · · ·

as noted in the edit to my previous (and ancient) comment on chapter 1, this story was so good that I am rereading it.

Here are some mistakes I noticed

A noise behind me brings me out of my musings. "What were saying about 'waiting for the perfect time' to drink this?" Jack asks while waggling the bottle of Scotch in his hand.

I think you meant "what were you saying about..."

My friend collapses on my sofa, not even bother changing clothes first.

I think you meant "not even bothering changing clothes first"

#48 · 24w, 12m ago · · ·

With Fiona here it the ratio of pony fans to plebs is 3:1.

This doesn't make sense to me.

Did you mean

With Fiona here the ratio of pony fans to plebs is 3:1.

#49 · 22w, 3d ago · 1 · 4 ·

Ew. Ew, okay, no, gross. This is wretched. The wriitng's fine, the flow is fine, even the characters are fine, but the premise is just unlikable. I don't get the hype, bruh.

#50 · 18w, 19h ago · · ·

>>4407661 you won't until you get to the part that explains why they're turning into ponies.

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