Beating the Heat
Friendship is Kinky
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: I... REGRET... NOTHING!
Also, special credit for this chapter goes to Friendly Uncle and The Sage of Toads. Both of them were fantastic help on this! Go read their stories!
- - - - - - -
Luna waited impatiently in the highest room of her tower, tapping her hooves on the tiles. She was already feeling antsy, but she was able to take her mind off it and focus on the task at hoof. She stomped a bit impatiently, and found her anxiety spiking... Then lessening as she sensed her Shadowbolts returning. They flew through the window, bearing a confused looking stallion in a vest and cowcolt hat.
“Your Majesty,” the Shadowbolts chorused.
“Excellent. Thy mission is complete?” Luna asked.
“Yes!” Said the leader, Nightshade. “And we have brought an eligible bachelor with us for you! Braeburn Apple!”
“Ah... Scuse me, yer Majesty,” the stallion said, “but uh-”
“Silence! Allow us to examine thee,” Luna said. Braeburn blinked.
Luna’s horn flashed and she scanned him carefully. “Hm... Thou are healthy and full of vitality,” she complimented.
“Ah, thank you kindly Princess,” Braeburn said nervously. “Now uh, if yer checkup’s done-”
“Let us proceed to make foals,” Luna said with all seriousness, though with a charming blush across her cheeks.
“Wait, what?!” Braeburn gasped as Luna advanced on him. “Now wait just a cotton pickin’ minute! Here your flyin’ femme fatale squad busts in and takes me away from mah marefriend while we’re... Ah... Occupied... And brings me to you to... Er,” he paused at Luna’s surprised look. His country manners reasserted themselves.
“Not that ah wouldn’t feel privileged to, yer Majesty... But damnit ah’ve got a girl and ah don’t feel too kindly about cheatin’ on her! Specially after she chased me down like crazy! Be downright impolite!”
Luna blinked several times. She then glared at the assembled Shadowbolts.
“Is this true?” She growled.
Nightshade rubbed the back of her mane, coughing awkwardly. “Ah... Well... Your Majesty, um, I suppose we got a...”
“Little carried away ourselves,” Natrix said, pawing the floor.
“I was unconscious so I don’t know what happened,” Velvet defended herself.
“We just seemed to lose our heads around the Holder of Laughter-”
“What?! Thou hast taken this stallion from Pinkamenia Diane Pie, our beloved servant?!” Luna gasped, slipping into the Official Royal Canterlot Voice. The Shadowbolts cowered behind Braeburn, who was trying to keep his hat on in the face of Luna’s bellow.
“Ah... Well... Yes, yes we did,” Nightshade said, “A tiny bit like that!”
“In the midst of their lovemaking?!” Luna thundered. “No matter the change in times, coitus interuptus is a grave offense!”
“I was just following orders! That crazy pink pony nearly knocked my block off!” Velvet complained. “And another thing-MMPH!” Natrix covered her mouth with her hoof, as Nightshade nearly shivered out of her outfit.
“Pr-Princess... I’m so sorry! Please, forgive the others! I was in command!” She threw herself before Luna, her face slamming into the floor. “I take full responsibility! Also ow!”
Luna’s wrath abated, for the moment. The sovereign goddess of the moon looked thoughtful.
“Braeburn Apple... Wouldst thou say thine marefriend was in the throes of heat?” She asked. Braeburn blinked, and nodded very slowly.
“Ah... Well, a bit. A smidge...” At Luna’s raised eyebrow, he pulled his hat down to try and cover his blush. “She couldn’t keep her hooves off me, ma’am.” And his grin.
“And you are sure she was Pinkamenia Diane Pie, Holder of the Element of Laughter?” Luna inquired.
“Well she weren’t mah granny!” Braeburn said, a bit defensively.
Luna hummed thoughtfully, and turned to the door. She tapped her hoof a few times, and a small spotted colt came into the room. He was wearing a round bowler hat.
“Pip, our pipe if you would be so kind?” Luna asked. Pip smiled cheerfully and ran out. He came back in, a pipe in his mouth, and the lunar monarch took the pipe. She sat down and frowned at the nearby wall, blowing the pipe. Bubbles emerged and drifted around the room.
Braeburn stared. He looked over at the Shadowbolts, who shrugged.
“She does this sometimes,” Nightshade said with a long suffering sigh. “Just roll with it.”
“Ah, and the colt?” He asked, as Pip laughed and popped the bubbles adorably with his little nose. The whole thing seemed more than a little bizarre, even by the standards of this day.
“She babysits for his parents. Isn’t he adorable?” Velvet sighed.
“I just want to eat him up,” Natrix giggled.
“OF COURSE!” Luna cried, standing up and holding a hoof up over her head with a triumphant smile. The Shadowbolts and Braeburn were blown off their hooves, while Pip had curled into a little ball and weathered the proverbial storm.
“The Elements of Harmony are inducing a kind of magical heat in those directly affected by it’s magics, and in turn those affected by magic cast by the afflicted! My own magical suits for the Shadowbolts have turned our servants into lusty... Er...” She looked down at Pip, smiling up at her, filled with innocence and joy.
“... Pip, why don’t you take mine pipe to the playroom?” Luna asked, levitating it to the little colt.
“Aw, but we were gonna play Sherlock Pones!” Pip pouted. Luna smiled and bent her head down to nuzzle the top of the little colt’s head.
“I will play with thee later, now get thee to the playroom,” she said kindly. Pip smiled back, waved adorably at the visitors, and galloped off.
“As we were saying,” Luna resumed, “mine own magic has been compromised! Therefore, the Elements of Harmony may induce lusts quite outside the normal intensity for normal estrus!”
“So why aren’t we... Um... You know, trying to take Mr. Apple here?” Nightshade asked.
“SIMPLE!” Luna cried, making her subjects jump. “Your exposure to the Elements is minimal, whereas I received a full blast right to my very face and deep within me!” She gasped. “ZOUNDS! Which means, mine own sister is afflicted!”
“Ah, well, I don’t think we have to worry too much about that,” Nightshade tried to console her monarch. “I mean, it’s not like there’s some big, huge convention going on at the castle she’ll perform magic at with loads of ponies, right?”
Braeburn felt ice drop into the bottom of his stomach.
“Ya mean... Like the Studly Stallion Convention?” Braeburn asked. “Which I was in Ponyville for in the first place?”
Nightshade blinked. Velvet gaped. Natrix groaned.
“Yes, such an event would be...” Luna trailed off and sighed. “Thou were not joking.”
“No, no I wasn’t,” Braeburn said.
“GUARDS!” Luna bellowed, and several stallions in silver armor appeared seemingly out of nowhere. “Inform our Sister of this calamity! If we know Twilight Sparkle, and we do, she shall come here to rectify the situation using the Elements of Harmony!”
“But aren’t they causing this situation?” Nightshade asked.
“Verily! But they are also the solution to said situation! If their heats do not drive the entire population of Canterlot to rut like animals out in the streets!” Luna boomed.
“So, what are you going to do your Majesty?” Nightshade asked.
“I am going to do what I should have done in the first place!” Luna cried. Her voice dropped to a more normal level. “Go hide in the playroom with Pipsqueak until this blows over.”
“But... Ain’t you a Princess? Ain’t you supposed ta-” Braeburn tried, but Luna glared at him. Her nose came into contact with his.
“At the moment mine restraint hangs by a thread. Thine accent is... Most becoming,” Luna admitted, her cheeks blushing. “Should mine restraint slip, thy very life would most likely hang in the balance! Zounds! Can thou imagine what might happen after?”
Braeburn had a pretty good idea.
“No! NOOO! You maniacs! You wore them all out! Damn you all to hell!” Pipsqueak, last stallion alive, wailed as he shook his hooves at buried monuments to Celestia and Luna: Giant statues of them in maid uniforms, winking across the barren, lifeless landscape.
“Ahhh... Well... When you put it that way,” Braeburn gulped, “Makes sense t’ me!”
“Good!” Luna said. “Shadowbolts! See to this noble Apple’s return to his marefriend,” Luna said. “GOOD DAY!”
She vanished in a flash of light, leaving the room deserted save for Braeburn and the Shadowbolts. The Apploosa farmer looked over at the three females, and gave them a nervous smile.
“Uh... Heh... Well uh, guess you’ll be takin’ me to Pinkie Pie... Right?”
“... Yes,” Nightshade said, her gaze becoming sultry, “but she didn’t say when.”
“See, with this magical influence over us,” Natrix purred. Braeburn had already been sweating bullets at the proximity of Princess Luna, but with these three mares... Well, he felt like he could supply ammo for an entire water war.
“We can’t be held accountable for our... Actions,” Velvet finished, licking her lips.
“Well, ah’m mighty sorry you nice girls feel that way, what with WHAT IN TARNATION IS THAT THING?!” Braeburn cried, pointing out the window.
The Shadowbolts glanced, just long enough for Braeburn to be out of their sight. And that was all he needed to gallop like hell out the door.
- - - - - - - - - -
The Annual Studly Stallions Fair for Manly Ponies was in full swing, its attendants filling every corner of the palace's grand ballrooms and its expansive courtyards. Stallions of all size and description filled every available space, all of them extremely studly. Many were engaged in manly stallion activities, such as the contest to see who could haul the heaviest load of grand pianos filled with molten lead. An entire tent was filled with stallions engaging in the art of bending things.
And in one corner of the ballroom, a group of extremely large and powerfully built stallions were learning how to crochet.
A pegasus in golden armor walked among them. He would occasionally pause to nod at ponies he was familiar with, or to admire a particularly studly doily, but for the most part his eyes roamed high and low among the crowd, as if searching for something. As he roamed, a unicorn in the same armor walked up beside him, also looking around warily.
"Any sign of them?" asked the unicorn guard.
"I'm afraid not sir," replied the pegasus, "if I may, I don't think they're here. A couple of fillies would be pretty easy to spot in this crowd, and I haven't seen hide nor hair of one, even though I'm going over this place with a fine toothed comb."
He held up his comb for emphasis, and his superior eyed it critically.
"That is very fine-toothed. But don't give up soldier, our orders come directly from the Princess. If she says the Elements of Harmony are going to appear at this convention, then they probably will. Keep at it."
The unicorn broke off from his compatriot and headed inside. Ascending the steps up to the palace's second floor, he slowly approached the Princess herself, who was looking out over the proceedings from one of the ballroom's many balconies. She didn't seem to notice him at first, simply staring down into the crowd below. The unicorn blinked, then carefully followed her gaze, noting that the Princess seemed to be closely scrutinizing a group of stallions who were seeing who among them could do the most squats.
Celestia said something in a whisper, and the guard shuffled just a bit closer in case it was meant for him.
"...Yesss... Mama like..."
Not for him then. The guard carefully backed up a few steps, and then loudly cleared his throat. The Princess immediately straightened up and then turned to face him, blushing slightly and forcing a smile.
"Ah, hello Lieutenant! Anything to report?"
"Not yet your majesty, but we're covering all the entrances and exits. If they show up we'll know."
"I am sure we will. Continue your patrol, Lieutenant."
"Yes, your majesty."
He strode away, and Celestia watched him go. A slight blush rose on her cheeks as she eyed his haunches for a long moment before she realized what she was doing and violently shook her head. When she opened her eyes the guard was gone, but she could still hear the hum and buzz of countless stallions on the floor below, calling to her.
"Twilight... I have the utmost faith in you, my most faithful student... but please, hurry...!"
- - - - - - - - -
"Yes indeed," said the Doctor with a bright grin, "here we are!"
Canterlot Castle stood before them, the grand palace's gilded towers reaching into the sky and reflecting the light of the sun. Spike shaded his eyes with a claw as he peeked around the castle's gate. The Doctor stood beside him, Twilight draped over his back like a rolled up carpet. The others were off to one side. Big Mac was trying very hard to look like he wasn't aware that Fluttershy and Rarity were both trying very hard not to be obvious about rubbing their flanks gently against his sides. Soarin' was lying quite contentedly on Applejack's back and watching the clouds with a serene expression on his face while Applejack herself very purposefully looked everywhere except where two of her best friends were coming on to her brother. Pinkie Pie was playing a game of solitaire.
Prince Blueblood had been left by the side of the road, like trash. Though they’d at least convinced Rarity not to put him through a compactor first.
"So uh, why are we hiding again?" asked Twilight, shifting awkwardly on the Doctor's back.
"Well we don't want anypony to know we're bringing six hormonally berserk mares into the annual Studly Stallions Fair for Manly Ponies," said the Doctor cheerfully, "There might be a stampede! We need to keep the lot of you together and as far away from the poor unsuspecting stallions as possible."
"I am NOT berserk," asserted Rarity, "Hormonally or otherwise!"
"I am!" said Pinkie Pie with a cheerful smile.
"The point is, we're keeping our eyes on you all," said Spike, turning and pointing two claws at his eyes, and then pointing them at the ponies.
"Where'd Fluttershy get to?" asked Big Mac.
Spike made a sound that only Winona could have heard.
"There she is!" said Twilight cheerfully, "She's talking to the guards!"
"Oh bollocks," groaned the Doctor.
"Uh, I do not believe that is entirely what is goin' on," said Big Mac.
"She's doin' somethin' to the guards," said Applejack, "But she sure ain't talkin' to 'em."
"Spike, avert your eyes!" cried Twilight.
"Too late,” the dragon said in a dull tone.
The screams of the guard that managed to escape faded away, and were replaced by other noises. The Doctor's jaw dropped.
"My goodness, look at her go."
"Oh, I'm sorry Twilight, but LOOK at her."
"... Okay, yeah, that is pretty impressive."
Spike was looking around frantically.
"Guys? Where did Pinkie Pie and Rarity go?"
Big Mac and the Doctor startled, then whirled to see what the dragon was talking about. All that was left on the ground beside the gate was a small pile of playing cards and a few hoofprints.
"Oh no," groaned Twilight, "This is bad. This is very bad. Did you see where they went Applejack?"
"...uuhh, she might have," said Soarin', "But I don't know if that'll help us."
The Doctor turned and he and Twilight found the trussed up Wonderbolt lying on the ground, his bound legs wiggling helplessly. They also found a distinct lack of Applejack.
"Oh dear. Well, at least we know where Fluttershy is..."
Big Mac prodded him in the shoulder. The Doctor sighed heavily and turned again. The guard that hadn't managed to escape Fluttershy's affections was lying in a heap of exhausted pony on the ground, one leg occasionally twitching. Of the yellow pegasus herself, there was no sign.
"Oh well," said Twilight, "It was a good plan while it lasted! Doctor, if you would be so kind there's a nice shady tree over there you could deflower me under..."
"Oh no!" the Doctor snorted, "We are not giving up that easily! Macintosh, Soarin', you go right."
"Eeyup," said Big Mac as he hoisted Soarin' over his shoulders and set off at a brisk trot.
"...Um... You... You could probably untie me now, I could help search, what with the flying and all."
The Doctor turned to Spike.
"You go left. And keep an eye out for the princess, if anypony can pull all of our haunches out of this mess it's her."
Spike scampered away. The Doctor set his sights on the palace's main entrance and trotted forwards.
"And we, Twilight m'dear, will take the middle. Allons-y!"
"Mmmmm, I love it when you talk like that."
- - - - - - -
"Your majesty! Your majesty! They're here!"
Celestia's head snapped upwards from where she'd been watching a pony named Flex Plexico bending rebar with his stifles. One of her guards had rushed over to her and was now standing there panting, his armor in disarray and more than a few wing feathers out of place. The princess blinked in surprise.
"Goodness my little pony, what happened? Surely my faithful student couldn't have been that much trouble!"
The guard swallowed nervously and straightened his helmet.
"Uhm, I don't know about that your majesty, I didn't actually see Twilight Sparkle. Ah, it was the yellow one, I think she was the element of kindness? She um... wow, those eyes, you know? And then she... well, I managed to escape your majesty, but I think she got Private Pyle. I could... I could hear... THINGS."
Celestia stared at him for a long moment. The guard coughed.
"Sexy things," he elaborated.
"Alright, well if Fluttershy's here that must mean Twilight and the others are too. Find the lieutenant and let him know we're on maximum alert! The elements are here, we just have to find them! Get to it!"
- - - - - - - - -
Applejack moved through the sea of studs like an orange shark, eyes roaming high and low as she took in the veritable feast of high quality horseflesh on display. She'd wandered into the strongpony portion of the convention, and was surrounded on all sides by simply enormous stallions. Applejack wasn't exactly a small pony, but the males around her were truly titanic representations of the species, completely eclipsing her from view. And to top it off, their relative size left her right at eye level with some of the more interesting portions of their anatomy.
She almost slipped in her own drool once before she found herself face to backside with a pony sporting the biggest pair of apples she'd ever seen. Hormonal cues in the mare's brain slowly clicked into place, and she crouched, preparing to spring.
A split second later and she was nearly concussed by a wagon wheel.
"Oh goodness, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there!"
Applejack stared upwards, slack-jawed and wide-eyed, as the biggest pony she'd ever laid eyes on reached a hoof down to help her up. He had a dappled gray coat and a closely cropped mane, a cutie mark shaped like an airplane with a tow rope, and what appeared to be an entire wagon hoisted casually over his shoulders.
"You... you're Luscombe Nordram," she gasped.
"Oh darn, I guess my reputation proceeds me," chuckled Luscombe, gently brushing dust off Applejack's withers, "are you alright there miss...?"
"Applejack," said the farmor, blushing hotly, "oh mah gosh, I never though I'd get the chance to meet you. You're the strongest pony in Equestria! Officially!"
"This'll be my third year if I can hack it," agreed the draft pony, adjusting the wagon to fit more comfortably, "and speaking of, I need to get this back to the contest so they can fill it with cinder blocks and have me hurl it through a third story window. Is there anything else I can do for you miss Applejack?"
"You can plow me like a field."
Applejack blinked, and turned to find herself face to upside down face with Soarin', who was hanging off of Big Macintosh's back looking as forlorn as possible. Big Mac made an annoyed clicking noise with his teeth and the knitting needle in his mouth. Applejack winced.
"Uh, hi there Soarin'. Mac. What brings y'all out thissaway?"
Soarin' and Big Mac just glared at her. Applejack looked down and scuffed her hoof on the floor.
"I wasn't really gonna... I mean, I knew he wouldn't... I mean..."
Soarin' and Big Mac glared.
"... Oh, fine, let's just go git the others."
Macintosh deposited Soarin' onto Applejack's back, and they headed off, leaving Luscombe staring after them in confusion.
"...What the buck just happened?"
- - - - - - -
"Oh my goodness, is that the new line?"
Handsel the male pony model turned to see a horrifically overweight white unicorn with a purple mane staring at him with naked, undisguised lust. This in and of itself was not unusual for Handsel, but he'd rarely run into an overweight fanpony who actually knew what they were talking about. Nopony had seen the new summer saddle line yet.
"What, this old thing?" he said dismissively, "yes."
"Oh my goodness, I knew it! I told Hoity Toity the designs were to die for and seeing them finished is so wonderful! Oh, do a twirl darling, let me see how it looks all around."
Handsel's eyes widened, but he did as he was told.
"You know Hoity Toity?"
"Oh, we haven't done a lot of REAL business together but we brainstorm now and then. My my my that does look quite fetching on you, doesn't it? Especially with that short tail look that's so in this year."
Handsel grinned. This fat pony knew what she was talking about!
"Oh I know, right? Let me tell you, I am loving this breeze!"
"Mmmm, yes, and it accents your... backside so well... everything is... completely visible..."
Handsel stopped pirrouetting, and then let out a small squeak as the unicorn began running her hoof over his haunch.
"You know... I'm sure that it gets rather boring being stuck in a big room with all these other stallions around... a fine figure of a pony like yourself must be starving for some... female attention...?"
He daintily stepped away, doing the best he could to keep the disgust off his face. And what WAS that smell?
"Uh, sorry dear. You're nice and all, and certainly any friend of Hoity Toity is a friend of mine, but, ah, how do I put this delicately? I'm not really into heavier mares. I hope you understand."
The unicorn's face contorted in shock.
"Oh now don't take it the wrong way," said Handsel, holding out a hoof pleadingly, "I'm sure some ponies are into that, but I mean let's be honest dear I can't even see your ribs. And your legs don't look anything like too thin to support your weight, why I'd almost describe them as healthy! No no, please, I'm flattered, but I'm no chubby chaser. Nothing personal."
The unicorn gaped at him, eyes wet with tears. Handsel was looking for an escape route when he felt a sudden source of heat at his back.
Handsel turned slowly to find himself staring at some kind of disgusting little purple and green lizard. The model gasped in horror.
"Oh my gosh! What is that!?"
"Nobody calls Rarity chubby if I have anything to say about it!"
"Oh goodness, Spike, no! Don't hurt him! He's a MODEL!"
- - - - - - - -
One corner of the vast hall was somewhat quieter than the others, replacing the grunts and metallic noises of exercise equipment with the quiet rustle of paper. An older unicorn with a wild mane and dark circles under his eyes was deep in conversation with several other ponies, each of them carrying saddlebags stuffed with books and occasionally pulling them out and referring to them as they spoke. The unicorn blinked suddenly, and looked down to find another unicorn, much younger, purple, and female, lying on the floor beside him, staring upwards in glee. Somepony had tied her up.
"Oh my gosh, you're Neigh Gaiman! Oh, I'm a huge fan! I just wanted you to know your work was a huge inspiration for me, especially Equestrian Gods! Oh, but I loved Sandmare too, I have all the book collections! Oh wow, I can't believe I'm actually getting to meet you, this is so amazing!"
"Uh... thank you," said Neigh, glancing around quizzically, "that's very nice of you young filly... but ah, I have to ask... why are you tied up?"
"Oh this? Oh don't worry about that, it's just so I won't hurt myself. Although, if you were really worried about me I suppose it would be okay if you untied me..."
"Alright, I don't understand what's going on, but I'm not just going to leave you on the floor. Here..."
"Oh, but before you do, could you maybe drag me over to that secluded corner over there?"
"That one over there, where we would theoretically be out of sight of all the other stallions in attendance?"
"Mmmmm, yes, right over there, where you could conceivably do absolutely anything that you wanted to me," said Twilight softly, snuggling against Neigh's fetlocks, "...any... thing... you... want."
Neigh looked down at her for a long moment, and then glanced up at one of his companions.
"With Celestia as my witness Prancechett, I have no idea what I should do."
"Well hell, Gaiman, she's a spunky thing isn't she? I say go for it."
"THERE you are!" said a third voice with the same accent. The Doctor stepped over and glared down at a now furiously blushing Twilight. "And just what do you have to say for yourself, young filly?"
"I guess I'm just a sucker for a pony who knows how to deconstruct classical mythology for a modern audience?"
The Doctor continued to glare.
"... I'll be good."
"Good. Now come along Twilight, we have to find the others before disaster strikes!"
He trotted off, leaving Twilight to watch him go, then shrug helplessly at the author ponies. After a moment the Doctor returned and carefully picked her back up and settled her over his back.
"... Ckay, now come along."
They set off. Neigh Gaiman watched them go with an utterly flabbergasted expression.
"Well, I know what my next book is about," said Prancechett.
- - - - - - - -
Lance the mareathon flyer was in the process of limbering up when he heard a small, almost imperceptible squeak behind him. Glancing about, he saw a yellow pegasus with a pink mane smiling at him. There was something otherworldly about that smile. Lance had never seen an expression simultaneously so serene and so frightening.
Every fiber of his being told him to flee, but he found that somehow he could not. His hooves felt like lead, his wings were limp and useless. He was powerless in the face of her gaze.
"Oh my goodness," the pegasus said with a warm smile, "and just what is your line of work, sir? Are you an athlete?"
"Uh... yes..." said Lance, starting to sweat, "mareathon flier, actually."
"Oh really," said the pegasus, licking her lips, "a mareathon is a very LONG race, isn't it?"
"Yes?" he answered, wondering why the room suddenly felt so warm. "Over twenty-six miles, in fact."
"Oh ho ho ho," giggled the pegasus as she slunk closer to him, stroking her wing gently against his haunch. Lance's wings immediately popped open of their own accord. "You must have quite a lot of endurance," she purred, "why, I'll bet you could keep on going and going and going..."
"Well, a mareathon does usually take a few hours."
"Hours!" she squealed, stepping in front of Lance. Her tail rose. Lance's eyes bulged. "That's quite a coincidence, because that's exactly how long I'd like you to-"
"Aw come on now girl, this ain't like you in the least."
Fluttershy startled, and turned to see Applejack, Big Mac, and Soarin' all watching her with disappointed expressions on their faces. The yellow pegasus pouted, wrapping her tail around Lance's neck.
"No! You can’t stop me! I need this! HE'S GOING TO LOVE ME."
"Please Fluttershy," said Applejack, "I know exactly what you're goin' through right now, believe me. But all we gotta do is get through this here convention, find the Princess, and then we can use the Elements o' Harmony and get some dang relief! Now tell me that don't sound better than molestin' a whole palace full o' stallions."
Fluttershy appeared to think about this.
"Um... it... it really doesn't, actually."
"I didn't wanna do this, you know."
"What are you-"
Big Macintosh came up from behind Fluttershy all of a sudden, and before she knew what was going on she was lying on her back with all of her hooves tied together. She blinked up at the big pony in shock.
"Big Mac! You... you tied me up!"
"Eeyup. Which is startin' to be a disturbingly common ocurence around here."
Fluttershy's eyelids drooped, and her smile turned even more syrupy than it had been before.
"If I'd known you liked this sort of thing, I would have asked you to do it a long time ago."
Big Mac twitched. Even his legendary self control was being stretched thin at this point.
"Don't let her get to ya bro! We're almost in the home stretch! Just grab her and let's go! We gotta find the others!"
Somehow, he was never entirely sure how, Big Mac managed to haul the squirming and moaning bundle of Fluttershy up onto his back and followed his sister as she cantered away. Left behind, Lance simply sat and stared straight ahead. He still couldn't move. And if he stood up everypony would be able to see his stallionhood hanging out anyway.
- - - - - - - - -
In the grand kitchens beneath Canterlot castle, another group of studly stallions gathered. Standing among them, his spotless white flanks and fabulous velvet cloak glistening in the firelight from the ovens, Chairstallion Kaga presided over a flour-stained court of passion and chocolate chips.
"My ponies!" he announced, "on today's special edition of 'Iron Baker', our theme ingredient shall be... pomegranate! BEGIN!"
The bakers leaped to their stations, and Kaga consumed a cupcake with unnatural gusto. When he reached for another, however, he discovered it was no longer there. In its place was a pink pony who was beaming up at him in something approaching awe.
"... Can I help you miss?"
"Oooohhhh yess Chairstallion Kaga!" she squealed, "I am in such a dilemma! I have a pink muffin that so badly needs some of your special frosting! Oh, you will give it to me, won't you? Please say you will!"
Kaga raised an eyebrow.
"Are you coming on to me, miss?"
"Oh, no no no no! That's what I want YOU to do to ME!"
"This is highly irregular..."
Pinkie Pie leaned in and rubbed her soft mane against Kaga's coat, blinking her big baby blues and whimpering plaintively.
"Please Chairstallion Kaga? You wouldn't leave a mare in distress, would you?"
"And you," said Rarity, appearing as if by magic directly behind Pinkie Pie, "Would not leave a stallion in distress, would you?"
"I seem to recall you being very upset about a certain pony being abducted not too long ago," said Rarity sternly, "a certain pony who had already done quite a bit for your... distress. I wonder what he would say now if he could see you like this, just forgetting him for the first pony with a nice flank that came along."
Pinkie's eyes widened, and she immediately looked downcast.
"Oh. Braeburn. Right."
"I'd imagine he's somewhere in this castle," said Rarity, "if I were you, and I were really worried about the poor thing, I would be meeting up with the others and finding Princess Celestia so we can get all of this sorted out."
"You're... you're right Rarity. Thanks, you're a really good friend."
"Oh, no need to thank me," said Rarity, patting Pinkie on the shoulder, "Just head upstairs. I think I saw Twilight and Applejack over by the stage, you can't miss them."
"Right! I'm on it!"
Pinkie took off. Rarity watched her go, and then turned to Kaga.
"And now that SHE'S gone, perhaps you would be interested in a real mare, hmm?"
Spike hopped onto the fashionista's back and frowned.
"... Eeerrr, nevermind."
- - - - - - - -
"Your majesty, we've located them! We think they're trying to get through the convention and make it to the halls that lead to the castle's upper tiers!"
"Excellent!" neighed Celestia, "Twilight must have figured something out! Oh, quickly, intercept them! Let them know I'm here to help!"
"Uh, certainly your majesty... but... um..." The guard rubbed his forelegs together nervously.
Celestia blinked in confusion.
"What, what's the matter?"
"Could you please let me go."
Celestia looked down to see her own foreleg curled around the guard's body and pulling him tightly against her. Blushing slightly, she carefully removed the appendage and then took several steps away from him.
"Don't mention it."
- - - - - - - - -
Rarity, with Spike clinging angrily to her back, ran up to the other ponies standing in a small group next to the large stage that had been set up for the convention. The Doctor let out a sigh of relief as she arrived.
"Ah, good, we're all here. I was really starting to worry there! Now, have all of the previously gathered Elements of Harmony been collected?"
"Well, I've got Rarity," said Spike a little smugly, "and there's Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and... is that Fluttershy trussed up like a turkey on your back?"
"Eeyup," said Big Macintosh. The big pony abruptly bit his knitting needle in half as Fluttershy started nuzzling his neck from behind.
"Oh look," said Twilight from atop the Doctor, "guards."
"What!?" gasped Applejack. Sure enough, a number of blue mohawk helmets were moving through the crowd slowly but steadily towards them. "Aw no, we gotta get outta here!"
"Wait, why would we try to get away from them?" asked Spike, "We're trying to find the Princess aren't we? They'll recognize Twilight and take us right to her!"
"That would be a wonderful plan," said the Doctor, "If Twilight was not currently tied up and draped over my back as if I were kidnapping her."
"No!" wailed Pinkie, "I'm not going back to jail!"
"Hey," said Soarin', "What's that noise?"
It started with a crack, like thunder breaking over the Thunder Plains of Sliepner’s Fury (now a national park, enjoy camping and hiking on the many scenic trails!). Then it turned into a massive boom, as every window in Canterlot seemed to shake, and everything not bolted to the floor trembled and clattered. Light of every color shone through the glass windows and danced all over the shocked patrons of the convention. Concerned murmuring, shouts, whispers and even a few “Booyahs!” echoed across the Great Hall.
All five mares in the party shivered as a familiar sensation of raw, magical power surged through them.
“By Celestia’s mane,” gasped Rarity.
“By Nightmare Moon’s naughty leather catalogue!” Swore Pinkie Pie, “With leather accessories!”
“That was a Sonic Rainboom, no doubt about it!” Twilight gasped. “What is Rainbow Dash doing?!”
“I think a more pertinent question is what is Fluttershy doing,” the Doctor said, pointing his hoof at the stage. Twilight looked at the stage, and then back at where she was supposed to be. She glared.
“Big Mac!” She hissed.
“Sorry,” the big stallion said. “She uh, slipped...”
"She's a mite bit... Slippery," Big Mac said with a cough.
The convention hall was soon filled with feedback from the microphone on the stage as Fluttershy tapped it.
"Oh, um, is this thing on?" Fluttershy asked. "Oh, well isn't that simply wonderful. Hello everypony, I just wanted to ask all of you if maybe you wouldn't mind rutting me until I can't see straight anymore? I mean if that's alright with all of you that is."
Her infamous Stare connected with multiple members of the audience. Glazed looks broke out on most of the stallions. Twilight and her friends backed away as the crowd began to advance.
“Flutter... Shy?” Asked one nerdy stallion. “The ultra hot model?”
“The Holder of the Element of Kindness?” An athletic pony gasped.
“That hot, willing mare?” Another said.
“YES MA’AM!” Rang out through the hall.
“Now would you look at that?” said Rarity, gesturing up at the stage, “You see how she did that? Why can’t I do that? I’m the one who should have stallions eating out of my hooves and offering to cater to my every physical need! How does she do that?”
“You want to be rutted by about a thousand stallions?” balked Applejack.
“Right now? Yes!”
Spike buried his face in his palms, and the Doctor comfortingly patted his scaly shoulder. Twilight tried to as well, but she was tied up at the moment.
“... At once?” whimpered Pinkie Pie.
Rarity’s eyes widened as the crowd’s advance started to turn frantic and ugly.
“Fluttershy,” Big Mac rumbled as he glared up at the stage, “you done goofed.”
“RUN AWAY!” The Doctor, Twilight and Spike yelled. The entire party galloped, only pausing long enough to grab Fluttershy as the convention crowd turned into an all out stampede.
- - - - - - - -
Once again, a huge thank you to Friendly Uncle and The Sage of Toads for their massive, throbbing help on this story, and this chapter in particular. More to come, stay tuned!
Now surely that is some kind of innuendo...