Beating the Heat

or

Friendship is Kinky

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction

By Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: I... REGRET... NOTHING!

- - - - - - -

“Uh…h-hi Fluttershy, what do you want?” A trembling Spike asked as Fluttershy stared at him with an utterly saccharine smile.

Fluttershy leaned close to him, tilting her head to one side as she replied. “I would like you to help me round up some more stallions for me. I’m really, really worked up and I’d love to have some more fun.” She giggled at the end there, and Spike felt his heart ache.

She was so cute, even though she was essentially a sex-hungry maniac who would not take no for an answer. How could he say no to her?

“Please, Spike? I just want to have a lot of fun and get rid of this awful, awful heat of mine. But the stallions I’ve found so far have been utterly lacking. I’d like a real stallion…or stallions,” She giggled again, “Whoever comes first.”

He couldn’t say no, not to that kind, gentle face that currently could make any stallion that caught sight of it a blathering, obedient wreck. “Uh…I guess…but could we d-do it later? I mean, Twilight has a plan to get rid of your uh…problem. It’s not natural, you see? It’s because of the Elements of Harmony and how they’re…”

Fluttershy had stopped paying attention at “I guess”. “Bored now, where are the stallions, Spike?”

“She didn’t hear a word I said, she only wants to get mounted!” Spike was beginning to understand now why Fluttershy’s heat was so terrifying.

“Look, look Fluttershy just follow me. We have to get to Canterlot, and…” Oh dear, he regretted saying that very quickly with the way her ears stood up.

“Canterlot!” Fluttershy’s easy smile widened into a lusty grin. “There’s a lot of good, handsome stallions there, I’ll go on ahead.” She began to fly away. “Don’t hurry along too fast, I’d like to enjoy myself first.”

In that moment, Spike saw a horrible vision. Of stallions lying in the streets of Canterlot, exhausted, drained of nearly all their life (and bodily fluids), a long trail of them leading to Fluttershy. They, who knew nothing of the shy Pegasus pony, would fear her after she filled their streets and gutters with worn out stallions and of age colts. Drained from all the wild sex the ponies would look up to Fluttershy and beg.

“Spare us!”

And then Fluttershy would whisper. “…Again.”

Spike snapped out of it, and resolved to somehow stop Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, wait!”

Fluttershy stopped, and looked back. “Yes Spike?”

“I…I know where there are some s-stallions here in Ponyville! Stallions, lots of them! All of them are ready and raring to go, too!” He quickly said as he gesticulated wildly.

Fluttershy forgot all about Canterlot for the moment, and was up in Spike’s snout again. She stared right into Spike’s eyes, her own glowing with lust. “Take me to them.”

Oh no, he didn’t know where any stallions were, but that stare was compelling him to obey her command all the same. It was like an eldritch abomination had decided to jump into his ear and throw a party on the delicate centers of his brain. However, before he could scream in unimaginable agony, a voice called out.

“Your stallions…are right here!”

Two voices, actually. Smoke pouring from his ears, Spike looked over, and saw that Snips and Snails had leaped from a bush and they were poised, ready to mount. Frankly he didn’t know what to think of this, or if Fluttershy would even go for it.

She didn’t. Starring at them dismissively, Fluttershy turned up her nose. “I want stallions, not colts.”

“Aw.” Both teenager analogues moaned as they sagged and exited stage left.

“Man, we’re never gonna score.” Snips lamented.

“I know, right?” Snails agreed.

Spike blinked. Well…that was certainly useless. He then made the mistake of looking back up at Fluttershy, who was staring at him again. That whole eldritch abomination house party in his head almost immediately kicked off again.

“Spike, take me to the stallions…” Her smile became frightening as her eyes widened in a slightly maddening way. “…Now.”

“Fluttershy.”

Spike wasn’t sure if it was because of mild brain-damage, but he could suddenly hear music playing in his head, that gave him the image of a pony, red and black, with a white mane. It was pretty boss, but still. He heard it as he looked to see that Big Mac had returned, and he was staring right at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy’s eyes lit up even brighter, and she began to trot over to Big Mac, the hunger and desire for the big red sex machine visible even in her languid gait. Stopping before him, she flared her wings out and bowed her head demurely before him.

“Big Macintosh, I would like for you to mount me.” She cooed to him, in a voice that almost compelled Spike to obey.

Big Mac chewed on the end of his knitting needle, and then replied.

“Nnnope.”

Fluttershy stared up at him, and then just like that, suddenly sat upright, a bright flush on her face. “O-oh my! Big Macintosh! I’m s-so sorry! I didn’t mean to be so untoward, it’s just that my heat, it’s so intense this time, and it’s outside of my schedule!”

Big Mac nodded. “I reckoned as much. My sister, Rarity, and all your other friends are goin’ through the same thing. It’s hittin’ y’all harder than ever. Spike said it’s because of the Elements of Harmony acting up.”

Fluttershy gasped. “O-oh my, no wonder it came on so strong then! We’d better get this fixed right away, especially before I lose control again!”

“Not a problem. Let me just go get Rarity down here and we’ll head on to the library to meet up with Twilight.” Big Mac said as he turned and trotted back inside.

“Right, I’ll wait right out here! Don’t be long!” Fluttershy said cheerfully.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac called from inside.

Spike’s jaw was halfway to the Earth’s core by this point.

- - - - - - - -

Captain Galland and Mustang took deep breaths, standing outside in the cool air the balcony provided.

"Gotta say Cap, she's not what I expected," Mustang said.

"Nope," Galland said with a little grin. "Not at all."

"Uh oh Cap, I know that look," Mustang said with a warning look. "I thought you were the one who told me not to get too attached on missions-Which this technically is. She might not feel the same way."

"Yeah, I know... But I would be willing to take the chance," Galland said. "For a mare like her... Wouldn't you?"

Mustang coughed, and looked away. "To be honest sir... Yeah, I might." He looked back. "But since this heat isn't exactly normal... It does make one worry. Besides," he narrowed his eyes intently at the horizon, "I can't sacrifice my career for personal reasons."

"Still on about that goal of yours, huh Mustang?" Galland chuckled.

"I'll make it one day, sir. I'll be General someday, just you wait. And on that day," Mustang held up a hoof dramatically and shook it, as though challenging destiny, "all female officers will be required to wear tiny miniskirts!"

"Tiny miniskirts?" Galland asked dryly. Mustang blushed, and shrugged.

"And... And stockings!" He added.

"Hmmm..." Galland closed his eyes and pictured Rainbow Dash in such an outfit. "No idea why, but it's very appealing. All right Sergeant, you've got my support."

"Thank you sir!" Mustang said with a wing salute. Zero came out of the room, taking deep breaths.

"Ah, captain? She's got a request," Zero said. Galland raised his eyebrows.

"A request? What kind of request?"

"She uh... Can't make it right now herself," Zero said without a hint of a blush, "but she asked me to relay it."

"Well, what is it?" Galland asked.

Zero took a deep breath. "She was wondering if any of us had ever done it while breaking the sound barrier... And if it was even possible."

All three stallions were silent for a few moments. Mustang spoke first.

"I think I'm in love."

"You're not the only one, soldier," Galland chuckled. "Well Zero... I don't know for sure, but I'm willing to find out."

- - - - - - -

Luna had taken up residence in the North West tower, which had traditionally housed her when she'd visited from her palace in what was now the Everfree Forest. It was tall, clean, and most importantly from Celestia's point of view, isolated.

She flew up to the balcony and landed on it with her usual grace. Tucking her wings against her sides she entered what Luna had made her office. The Princess of the Sun was unable to contain a little smile at how messy everything within it was. Scribbles of calculations, stacks of paperwork, the reworked tax code, a few wet watercolor drawings signed by Pipsqueak, letters to Twilight-

Wait. Back up.

"Oh dear," Celestia said aloud, sniffing the paintings lying on a bare table. The paints were drying... Which meant...

No, no, no need to panic, Celestia thought. She sought out Luna's magical presence and was able to locate it a few floors down... As well as the presence of another pony with her.

She took to the stairs at a faster than normal trot.

No need to panic... No need to panic... Celestia told herself. Luna would never take advantage of such a young colt, never. She smiled to herself and nodded.

Of course. The Elements may influence her severely but I can't imagine that she would... Of course not!

Then why was she feeling so ill at ease? What could possibly be making her worry? She reached the room they were in and raised her hoof to knock.

"Avast, Princess Luna! Ar! I'll have ye booty as me prize!" An adorable voice cried through the door. Celestia froze, eyes widening in horror.

"Oh my, no! Dread pirate Captain Pip!" Luna cried. "No, you cannot take me! Thou art a rapscallion and hoodlum, my navies will find and save me!"

"Oh, but I will!" Pipsqueak said with an evil (but adorable) chuckle. "I'll take ye as me treasure and have ye make me plenty o' other treasures, ahahahahaha!"

"No! Thou art a fiend, a brute, you... Ooh, that's a bit too hard dear."

"Oh, sorry Princess Luna."

"That's all right dear. Now, back in character?"

"Oh, right... AR! Ye'll be my serving wench! Servin' me in every way, ar!"

"But I am a Princess! Thou could have so much loot in exchange! Whatever thy desire! Treasure, gold, wenches-"

"Never! I want a Princess for a wench, and I'll make you my wench!" Pip cried. "With this plank, if I have to!"

"No! Please, don't-!"

The door burst into flames and then smoke, which was blown out of the way as the nails and knob fell to the stone floor. Celestia burst in, ready to blast her sister back to the moon if necessary to protect Luna from herself.

The scene was thus: Pipsqueak dressed in his adorable pirate costume, brandishing his wooden sword at Luna, who was wearing a frilly pink dress that seemed a size too small. A cardboard ship was sitting in the middle of the room, decorated with paint and crayons and Luna herself was on a plank, tied up. There was also a desk filled with several files and pictures of various ponies, though Celestia decided to address the most pressing issue first.

"Sister!" Luna cried.

"Luna, Pipsqueak," Celestia returned evenly.

"Oh, hey Princess Celestia!" Pipsqueak said cheerfully. "I was making Princess Luna walk the plank unless she became my wench!" He rubbed his chin with the pommel of his sword. "What is a wench, anyway?"

"A mare taken as a prize by scalawags," Luna helpfully said. Pip blinked.

"Like my mommy? Or a princess?"

"Yes, like those," Celestia said. "Pip, why don't you go play upstairs for a bit? I need to speak with Luna."

"Sure!" Pipsqueak said cheerfully. The little colt galloped off, and Celestia eyed her sister. Luna stared back.

"... What?" She asked. She untied herself with an application of telekinesis, and stood up. "I felt that a productive maternal activity would be the best use of this... My current condition," she said with a blush.

Celestia sighed in relief. "Oh. Good! Of course."

Luna's eyes narrowed. "Thou seem unduly relieved, sister."

"I was just worried you'd begun... Oh, I don't know, abducting stallions or something," Celestia quickly lied.

"What? No, no, of course not!" Luna said, just as quickly. "I have merely been playing pirate with Pipsqueak, allowing him to tie me up and have his way with me in the manner of villainous seafarers. Absolutely nothing untoward."

"... Of-Of course!" Celestia said quickly.

"I merely sought to enjoy the interaction of mother and foal, the most virtuous aspect of my desires!"

"... Luna, Pipsqueak isn't your foal," Celestia gently pointed out.

"No, no, but I could have one like him!" Luna said.

Celestia very, very slowly nodded. "Of course... And the files?" She jerked her head back at the desk.

Luna trotted over to the stack of folders and pictures and lifted them up telekinetically to display them to Celestia. "I have perused many a file, seeking out the best stallion for my needs."

Celestia stared at Luna for a time. Luna blinked, and continued.

"Judging by genetics, hair color, mane color, eye color, temperament, AND medical history, there are several suitable suitors I might locate for mine purposes. I have even sent agents to investigate their sexual prowess to see if they could match my needs."

"Agents?" Celestia asked.

"Yes! Shadowbolts. I have reformed them to serve in covert operations," Luna said. She frowned. "Strangely enough the volunteers for this particular mission were all female..."

- - - - - - -

"Ohhhh~," Nightshade, recently christened member of the Shadowbolts and ace flyer who just barely missed the cut for the Wonderbolts, moaned deeply as she caught her breath. She looked back over her shoulder at the stallion and bit her lower lip.

"Hmmm... Not bad, but I think my Princess will be a little pickier than that," she said seductively. "Why won't you try a bit harder next time so I can make a more informed decision?"

"S-Sure thing!" The stallion said.

- - - - - - -

"Ah," Celestia said with a nod. "So you're really going to go ahead with it? Having a foal, I mean?"

"Ah? Oh no, no, not at all," Luna said, shaking her head. "I mean... I wouldn't mind, if it was the proper stallion and Pipsqueak has spoken of his sorrow at being an only child, and it..." The Moon Princess huffed. "I am only preparing for the possibility, nothing more!"

"I see," Celestia said with a smile. "Forgive me Luna, I thought you would handle this much less..."

"Much less what?" Luna asked.

"Well... With less... Grace," Celestia said.

"... And by that you mean...?" Luna asked.

"Well..." Celestia tapped her hooves on the floor. "What do you think I mean?"

"Hmmm," Luna thought.

- - - - - - -

"ATTENTION ALL SINGLE STALLIONS IN EQUESTRIA," Luna boomed out across the lands, "THINE PRINCESS HAS A TASK FOR YOU. MOUNT YOUR PRINCESS UNTIL WE ARE NO LONGER ABLE TO STAND! ANY SINGLE STALLION THAT FAILS TO HEED THIS CALL SHALL NEVER HEED ANOTHER SUCH CALL FROM ANY MARE AGAIN!"

Luna threw up her hooves and cackled. "SOON I SHALL BE THE MOST SEXED MARE IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

- - - - - - -

"..." Luna gasped. "Sister! You-You have a most perverse mind!"

"I'm not the one who fantasized it," Celestia teased with a grin.

"CELESTIA!"

- - - - - - - -

On Big Mac: say it with me: LIKE A BAWSS.

Also, this fanfic has its own TVTropes page, so feel free to check that out and add to it if you wish!

EDIT: Sorry, I had a TVTropes page but it was removed due to it being too sexy.